TODAY 3:15 PM
j.sims: Yes, what is it?
mkblackwood: are you… coming?
mkblackwood: to the holiday party?
j.sims: Probably not.
stoked: come onnnnnnnnnn
j.sims: I have a lot of work to get done.
Sasha_James: Jon. You CAN take a break from work every once in a while, you know
j.sims: I’m well aware, Sasha.
j.sims: I also just don’t do parties.
stoked: not even if all ur friends r here? & ur all alone in the basement?
j.sims: Stop trying to guilt me, Tim.
j.sims: Besides, I’m not alone. Jane’s down here, too.
j.sims: As it turns out, she’s not a party person either. Something we unexpectedly have in common.
stoked: ……… actually u 2 can stay down there. might not be a good idea for her to show up at the party
stoked: i mean, besides us, elias & rosie, does anyone ELSE know she’s still alive?
stoked: even w/out worms, things could get weird REAL fast
Sasha_James: … Point taken
Sasha_James: In any case, we’ll smuggle out some cake for you two :)
j.sims: You really don’t have to.
j.sims: For me, at least. Jane says she wants cake. And however many hors d’oeuvres you can fit on a plate.
Sasha_James: On it
TODAY 3:41 PM
mkblackwood: heads up everyone
stoked: aw shit
stoked: elias is here
j.sims: Well. I’m suddenly very glad I’m not there.
stoked: & someone’s w/ him???
Sasha_James: Don’t know
Sasha_James: Haven’t seen him around the building so I don’t think he’s an employee?
stoked: he’s not bad-looking
stoked: in a weird insurance-salesman-meets-sea-captain sort of way
stoked: don’t know WHAT he’s doing w/ ELIAS tho
j.sims: What’s that supposed to mean?
stoked: he looks VERY pleased to b here. elias does NOT
mkblackwood: oh no. they’re coming over
TODAY 3:47 PM
Sasha_James: Jon, you’re not going to believe who Elias’ friend is
j.sims: … He’s not a Lukas, is he?
j.sims: That… would explain why Elias is always telling me to not look into any Lukas-related statements.
Sasha_James: Peter Lukas
Sasha_James: Didn’t you record a statement about him?
j.sims: Sounds familiar...
j.sims: Ah. Jane has just informed me I have. It’s case 0110201.
stoked: cmon jon, i know u give all the spooky statements equally spooky titles. what was it for that one?
j.sims: ... Boatswain’s Call.
stoked: oh yep. remember that one. i think i walked in on u before u started recording it
j.sims. You did.
j.sims: Anyway, are you three all right?
stoked: yea, just VERY weirded out
stoked: martin, on the other hand……
mkblackwood: tim. i am fine
mkblackwood: i just really didn’t like how peter was looking at me
Sasha_James: Getting hit on, especially at work events, is the worst
mkblackwood: it’s not like he said anything, though! just the way he was looking at me… like… i don’t know what it was like.
mkblackwood: it was just.... uncomfortably isolating, if that makes sense.
j.sims: Should I come up there? Do you need an excuse to leave?
mkblackwood: i’m good, jon. really
stoked: yeah, elias steered peter away prettttty quickly after peter started eyeing martin
stoked: most considerate thing elias has done in a LONG time
j.sims: Well. Let’s hope Elias and Peter steer clear of you all for the rest of the night.
j.sims: And if either of them give you any more trouble, you have my permission to use me as an excuse to leave.
stoked: “so, SO sorry elias about leaving ur lovely holiday party & ur creeper captain friend, but our terrible killjoy of a boss jonathan sims is demanding that we come back IMMEDIATELY 2 investigate the lukas family & jeopardize the institute’s funding. ta-ta!”
stoked: something like that?
j.sims: … Close enough.
TODAY 4:19 PM
stoked: U R SO SAD U R NOT HERE 2 WITNESS THIS RN
j.sims: I’m sure I’m not.
j.sims: But what’s going on?
Sasha_James: He and Peter are having some kind of argument
Sasha_James: Not entirely sure about what
Sasha_James: They’re not yelling and we’re not getting any closer
j.sims: Good. Don’t.
stoked: OH MY GOD
j.sims: Oh, Christ.
j.sims: What is it now?
stoked: JUST THREW
stoked: A GLASS OF WINE
stoked: IN PETER’S FACE
Sasha_James: And a hush falls over the crowd!
mkblackwood: seriously. it’s so quiet, i can hear the wine dripping.
j.sims: What’s happening now?
j.sims: … Look, I’m not going to come up there and see for myself, so Jane and I are just going to wait down here for any updates.
TODAY 4:33 PM
stoked: ok i think things have calmed down. a janitor’s here @ the very least
j.sims: What’s going on?
stoked: argument, wine-glass-throwing, everyone silent
stoked: ELIAS SAYS
stoked: (i shit you NOT)
stoked: “You’ve embarrassed me at the annual Institute holiday party for the last time.”
stoked: “I want another divorce.”
TODAY 4:38 PM
j.sims: … I beg your pardon?
mkblackwood: i, for one, am still in shock
Sasha_James: There’s just a LOT to unpack here, but I’m going to try my best
Sasha_James: 1. Elias is married (!)
Sasha_James: 2. Elias is married to a Lukas (!!)
Sasha_James: 3. Elias has divorced his husband before (!?)
Sasha_James: 4. Elias has since remarried said husband (!?!?)
Sasha_James: 5. Elias is going to divorce said husband AGAIN (!?!?!?)
mkblackwood: …… you know, you laying it out like that doesn’t make it any less baffling
j.sims: I can’t believe this.
stoked: 6. ELIAS THREW A GLASS OF WINE IN HIS SOON 2 B EX-HUSBAND’S FACE
stoked: i’ve NEVER seen elias that mad, let alone THAT mad THAT quickly
stoked: 1 minute they were having a v quiet & intense argument, the next minute… wine in the face
stoked: ngl i got whiplash
j.sims: I don’t doubt it. That level of anger seems… very uncharacteristic for Elias.
j.sims: Did you see Peter do anything beforehand? Anything that might have caused Elias to react in such a way?
Sasha_James: Not that I saw. Small talk, a couple trips to the buffet. Usual office party stuff
Sasha_James: Aside from Elias introducing him to us, he seemed pretty normal. For a Lukas, anyway
mkblackwood: you don’t think
stoked: oh my god
stoked: OH MY GODDDDD
stoked: 7. ELIAS FELT THREATENED BC HIS HUSBAND HIT ON ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES IN FRONT OF HIM
mkblackwood: oh hell
mkblackwood: if that’s true, i NEED to get out of here
mkblackwood: as soon as elias gets back from forcibly escorting peter from the building, he’s going to murder me
stoked: not if we murder him first!
j.sims: Tim. Please.
j.sims: Although Jane requests that you give her a five-minute heads-up if you’re going to murder Elias. Elevator to the basement is out, so she’ll need to take the stairs.
stoked: will do
stoked: the more the merrier!
TODAY 5:26 PM
mkblackwood: we’re heading out.
stoked: elias hasn’t come back & the party’s nearly over, so i don’t think we’ll get to murder him 2nite
Sasha_James: Tell Jane I have cake! And many hors d’oeuvres
j.sims: I have.
j.sims: She says thank you and please come back.
mkblackwood: shit shit shit
j.sims: … I’m almost afraid to ask, but what’s going on now?
mkblackwood: just passed elias’ office. we had to dodge out of sight
mkblackwood: elias and peter are walking out now
j.sims: That makes no sense; I thought you said Elias was “forcibly escorting” Peter out.
mkblackwood: evidently not
stoked: ELIAS’ TIE IS MISSING
stoked: I REPEAT: ELIAS’ TIE IS M I S S I N G
Sasha_James: … should that mean anything to us?
Sasha_James: … WAIT
j.sims: Elias is missing his tie?
j.sims: That’s also quite uncharacteristic of him.
j.sims: … Oh. I see.
mkblackwood: tim that doesn’t necessarily mean
mkblackwood: … never mind. i stand corrected
mkblackwood: you know, we should probably go before they see us
Sasha_James: I mean, I think they’re too busy snogging to see us, but agreed
stoked: aaaaaaaaaaand peter just LIFTED elias like a sack of potatoes & carried him BACK into the office
stoked: something tells me they’re not getting re-divorced right away
Sasha_James: Yeah, no kidding
stoked: …… on THAT note
stoked: merry fucking xmas i guess
stoked: emphasis on the fucking ;)
Sasha_James: Seriously, Tim?
mkblackwood: tim i swear to GOD
j.sims: All right, that’s enough tomfoolery for one night.
j.sims: If you’re not back in the basement in five minutes, Jane and I are breaking into Tim’s stash of tiny liquor bottles and drinking without you.
Sasha_James: Excellent idea!
stoked: hell yeah nip drawer
mkblackwood: jon PLEASE pull out the nip drawer
mkblackwood: i’m going to need a LOT of alcohol to forget what i’ve just seen
j.sims: As you wish, Martin.