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The Official Officers Academy Group Chat

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[House Leaders Group Chat - 1:40pm]

 

Professor Byleth: Welcome Edelgard, Dimitri, and Claude. I have been granted permission from Archbishop Rhea to allow the Officers Academy to have group chats to enable better communication between the students. Each of you is the admin of a separate group for your respective house, as well as the main group chat for all students in the Academy. Private communication and individual groups can be made, but within moderation. Admins can also change names, so please be sensible.

 

Professor Byleth: Do not mess this up for me.

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg: Of course I won’t, my teacher. I swear that I will use this for the benefit of the Officers Academy. Unlike a certain someone we all know.

 

Claude von Riegan: i have no idea what you’re talking about, princess.

 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd: Of course not, Claude. We can surely trust you.

 

Claude von Riegan: course you can, bby ;)

 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd: ?!

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg: Professor, we won’t let you down. Now, I suppose us three house leaders should talk to our houses. No doubt they’ll want to familiarise themselves with the format so we can use it effectively and sensibly in the future. You hear that, Claude. Effectively, and sensibly.

 

Claude von Riegan: ouch, don’t call me out like that, princess :< i have feelings too, you know

 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd: Don’t worry, Edelgard, I will ensure that Claude doesn’t misuse anything.

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg: Thank you, Dimitri. It is comforting to know that I can at least trust of one you.

 

Claude von Riegan: love you too, princess x

 

*

 

[Golden Deer Group Chat – 1:45pm]

 

Professor Byleth has entered the chat

 

Professor Byleth: Hello, Golden Deer students. This is a special group chat for you to communicate with each other. Claude has admin rights, so if there are any problems, bring them up with him. Have fun :)

 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: Professor, I beg of you, please do not give Claude admin rights. He will misuse them at the first opportunity.

 

Professor Byleth: I trust Claude, but if he abuses his power, do not be afraid to bring it up at the next House Meeting.

 

Professor Byleth has left the chat

 

Claude von Riegan changed his name to memelord

 

memelord changed Golden Deer Group Chat to house of memes

 

memelord: so, my lovely golden deer. the professor isn’t here, we can do what we want ;) And first things first, name changes!

 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: Oh, Gods no...  

 

memelord: ladies first ;)

 

memelord changed Hilda Valentine Goneril’s name to delicate flower

 

delicate flower: thnx bby <3

 

memelord changed Lysithea von Ordelia’s name to i wont hesitate, b*tch

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: why?

 

memelord: because you are small and angery, and you won’t hesitate to end a life, b*tch.

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: fair.

 

Raphael Kirsten: Yeah, you’re like everyone’s little sister :D

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: ...

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: ill let you off this one time

 

Raphael Kirsten: D:

 

Ignatz Victor: What about Leonie and Marianne?? :o

 

memelord changed Leonie Pinelli’s name to Captain Jeralt’s Apprentice

 

Captain Jeralt’s Apprentice: I’ll take it! I was expecting much worse. Especially coming from you.

 

memelord changed Marianne von Edmund’s name to Marianne <3

 

Marianne <3: oh... thank you...

 

delicate flower: aww, that’s so sweet :3

 

memelord: i’m not an animal

 

memelord: now, onto the gentlemen, myself excluded

 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: Oh, so you’re a lady now, are you?

 

delicate flower: claude is best girl confirmed

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: correction. marianne is best girl.

 

Captain Jeralt’s Apprentice: Yes, she is. She helped me out when I sprained my wrist during training last week.

 

Marianne <3: oh... ii... im... thank you.... but im really not.

 

memelord: sure you are

 

memelord: anyway,,,

 

memelord changed Raphael Kirsten’s name to Beefy Boi

 

memelord changed Ignatz Victor’s name to paint a fluffy little cloud

 

Beefy Boi: nice :D

 

paint a fluffy little cloud: oh, okay. i like it :)

 

memelord: Lorenz. Your turn :D

 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: Claude. Claude, listen. I know we have had our disagreements over the past few months, and I have shown clear distain over you being the heir to the Leicester Alliance instead of yours truly. But please, I am begging you now, do not give me a ridiculous name.

 

memelord: say “claude von riegan is da bomb”, and i’ll go easy on you.

 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: I... Ugh, fine.

 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester: Claude von Riegan is da bomb.

 

delicate flower: *whip noises* boy got you well behaved

 

memelord: thank you :D

 

memelord changed Lorenz Hellman Gloucester’s name to Lorenz

 

memelord: dont say i dont do anything for you ;)

 

Lorenz: Oh thank the Goddess. Thank you, Claude. I see you have chosen to be responsible for once.

 

*

 

[private message from memelord to delicate flower – 1:54pm]

 

memelord: i was legit going to call him Hellman’s Mayonnaise

 

delicate flower: LMAO

 

memelord: look after the group chat for me. got a tea party with the fresh prince of faerghus to attend

 

delicate flower: have fun ;)

 

*

 

[Blue Lions Group Chat – 1:46pm]

 

Professor Byleth has entered the chat

 

Professor Byleth: Welcome, Blue Lions, to your own private group chat. This is for you to communicate with each other. Dimitri has admin rights, so if there any issues, bring them up with him. I doubt His Highness will misuse his admin rights, but bring it up in the next House Meeting if he does. Have fun!

 

Professor Byleth has left the chat

 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd: Well, hello everyone. I trust we can all have fun and enjoy ourselves here. I was thinking that we each choose a nickname, just so we can be a bit more friendly and relaxed. We are all students here, after all. And I can change the group chat name, if you’d like???

 

Annette Fantine Dominic: Oohh, sounds fun!

 

Mercedes von Martritz: Okay!! :) Do we tell you our names and then you change them?

 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd: That’s the idea, yes. I’ll go first.

 

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd changed his name to Fresh Prince of Faerghus

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus: It’s what Claude calls me.

 

Felix Hugo Fraldarius: ugh, do you everything claude tells you to do?

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus: Of course not. It’s just his nickname for me, so I’m using it.

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus: Anyway, submit your names so I change them all. And we need to decide on if we want to rename our group chat.

 

Annette Fantine Dominic: I’d like Annie, please :3

 

Mercedes von Martritz: I’ll go with Mercie :D

 

Ashe Ubert: Ashe is fine for me, Your Highness :)

 

Sylvain Jose Gautier: Come on, you guyssss! Live a little! Your Highness, please change my name to sylvain eyyy ;) (winky face included ;))

 

Felix Hugo Fraldarius: this is so stupid. just felix is fine for me. no capitals.

 

Dedue Molinaro: My name is alright as it is, but you change it how you see fit, Your Highness.

 

Ingrid Brandl Galatea: Normally I would just ask to be Ingrid, but seeing as His Highness has given himself a unique name, I suppose I should as well. Pegasus Knight 1180, if you please.

 

Sylvain Jose Gautier: wow, so original

 

Ingrid Brandl Galatea: Sylvain, unless you keep quiet, the next time you get into trouble over your skirt chasing, I won’t be there to bail you out.

 

Sylvain Jose Gautier: sorry :(

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus: Hold on, I’m just writing down everyone's names. Here we go!

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Annette Fantine Dominic’s name to Annie

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Mercedes von Martritz’s name to Mercie

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Ashe Ubert’s name to Ashe

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Sylvain Jose Gautier’s name to sylvain eyyy ;)

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus: Ugh, that was painful to type.

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Felix Hugo Fraldarius’s name to felix

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Dedue Molinaro’s name to Dedue

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus changed Ingrid Brandl Galatea’s name to Pegasus Knight 1180

 

Annie: Yay!

 

Mercie: Thank you, Your Highness :D

 

sylvain eyyy ;): May I suggest a new name for our group?

 

felix: no

 

sylvain eyyy ;): baby don’t hurt me :(

 

sylvain eyyy ;): don’t hurt me

 

sylvain eyyy ;): no more

 

[sylvain eyyy ;) posted a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEXWRTEbj1I ]

 

Ashe: Oh, so that’s what Claude was singing around His Highness :O

 

Annie: It makes sense now!

 

felix: great, now this damn song will be stuck in my head

 

Pegasus Knight 1180: Your Highness, how about keeping the group name as it is for now.

 

Dedue: Agreed.

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus: Very well. We can leave it for later. For now, I’m off to have tea with Claude. The weather is nice today :). I’ll see you all later.

 

Fresh Prince of Faerghus is offline

 

felix: do you think he’ll ever realise his feelings.

 

Pegasus Knight 1180: Not unless we help him, I’m afraid.

 

*

 

[Black Eagles Group Chat – 1:47pm]

 

Professor Byleth has entered the chat

 

Professor Byleth: Hello, Black Eagles. This is your private group chat for you to communicate with each other. Edelgard has admin privileges, and I am certain she will not misuse them. Any problems, bring them up with her or in the next House Meeting. Have fun!

 

Professor Byleth has left the chat

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg: Hello, everyone. Even though I am the admin, I really do not want to use my powers to mute or ban anyone. We are all members of the Black Eagles, and it would not do well for us to misbehave. I do want us all to get along.

 

Dorothea Arnault: You said it, Edie! Ooh, shall we do nicknames? :D

 

Petra Macneary: What is this nickname you speak of? How will I be getting one?

 

Dorothea Arnault: It’s an affectionate name for someone you like. I think it’ll be a great idea!

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg: Very well. I suppose it’ll be a bit fun to have unique names for everyone, if only to help us become more friendly with each other. I will write a list of everyone’s name down so we know who is who.

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg changed Black Eagle Group Chat to The Black Eagle Squad

 

Edelgard von Hresvelg changed her name to Emperor Edelgard

 

Emperor Edelgard: I will be asking each of you in turn what you want your name to be. Be reasonable, please. Dorothea?

 

Dorothea Arnault: Diva Queen, please :D

 

Emperor Edelgard changed Dorothea Arnault’s name to Diva Queen.

 

Diva Queen: Thanks, sweetie <3

 

Emperor Edelgard: No problem, babe xx

 

Emperor Edelgard: Petra?

 

Petra Macneary: Oh, I will be having the name of Brigid Pride, if I may.

 

Emperor Edelgard: You may, Petra.

 

Emperor Edelgard changed Petra Macneary’s name to Brigid Pride

 

Emperor Edelgard: Bernadetta?

 

Bernadetta von Varley: gahhhhh! what did i do?!?!?!? i’m sorrrrryyyyyy!!! please dont killllll meeeeeee

 

Emperor Edelgard: Bernie is it, then.

 

Emperor Edelgard changed Bernadetta von Varley’s name to Bernie

 

Emperor Edelgard: Hubert?

 

Hubert von Vestra: My name is perfectly fine as it is, Lady Edelgard. No need to change it.

 

Emperor Edelgard: Of course. Ferdinand, I assume you off the same mindset? Or should I put “I am” in front, seeing as you are so fond of saying your own name?

 

Ferdinand von Aegir: Lady Edelgard, you wound me with your baseless accusations!

 

Ferdinand von Aegir: But yes please.

 

Emperor Edelgard changed Ferdinand von Aegir’s name to I am Ferdinand von Aegir

 

Emperor Edelgard: That just leaves Caspar and Linhardt. Linhardt will be too busy napping, so his name can just be Linhardt. Caspar, dare I ask what you want your name to be...

 

Caspar von Bergliez: Hey, I can be sensible when I want to be! Just Caspar is fine for now, because I can’t think of anything better.

 

Emperor Edelgard: Very well.

 

Emperor Edelgard changed Linhardt von Hevring’s name to Linhardt

 

Emperor Edelgard changed Caspar von Bergliez’s name to Caspar

 

Emperor Edelgard: Now that that’s out of the way, I suppose we should all meet up in the main group chat. Professor Byleth set it up for us, so I guess we should go ahead and use it. I’ll also set up a private group for the girls, and suggest that either Claude or Dimitri do the same for the boys. Hubert, if that happens, please don’t kill them.

 

Hubert von Vestra: I shall restrain myself, Lady Edelgard.

 

Emperor Edelgard: Thank you.

 

*

 

[The Official Officers Academy Group Chat – 2:01pm]

 

Emperor Edelgard: Hello, everyone. I see everyone is crowded around the tea gardens. Is something happening that I am not aware of?

 

delicate flower: ooh, your highness! we’re spying on claude having a tea party with dimitri.

 

delicate flower: and by “we”, i mean the rest of the golden deer and blue lions

 

Captain Jeralt’s Apprentice: They are being so sickeningly cute, it’s unbearable.

 

Lorenz: Indeed. I didn't think such an expression would be possible on Claude's face.

 

Mercie: I find it to be incredibly sweet :3

 

Annie: I know! It’s so rare to see His Highness smiling and being happy!

 

felix: why dont they just make a move already?

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: because they share a single brain cell, and they’ve lost it

 

sylvain eyyy ;): and they’ve yet to recover it

 

Lorenz: Obviously someone else is holding it for them

 

Pegasus Knight 1180: It's me, as it often tends to be in these scenarios

 

Emperor Edelgard: Ah, I see. I assume they are having fun?

 

delicate flower: marianne and I are sitting close enough to eavesdrop, so we can hear what they are saying.

 

Marianne <3: His Highness was just saying how nice it is to be with good company. He seems really happy :)

 

Mercie: What else are they saying???

 

Ashe: yes, please tell us!

 

I am Ferdinand von Aegir: Spill the tea, queens.

 

I am Ferdinand von Aegir: That is how you say it, right?

 

Diva Queen: you’re doing great, ferdie.

 

I am Ferdinand von Aegir: You are being nice to me, Dorothea?! What a pleasant surprise :D

 

Hubert von Vestra: As much I loathe to engage in this tedious topic, I find myself drawn in. So, as they say, spill the tea.

 

Diva Queen: HUBERT WTF?!?!?

 

Caspar: who are you and what have you done with the real hubert?

 

delicate flower: GUYS SHUSH

 

[delicate flower posted a link: gays_in_denial.mov]

 

delicate flower: COULD THEY PINE ANY HARDER

 

Brigid Pride: What is this “pine” you speak off? Like the tree? I am not seeing the connection between them and a tree.

 

Diva Queen: It’s a saying, sweetie. It means when you want something a lot

 

Brigid Pride: I see. So they are pine for each other??

 

Dive Queen: It’s “pining”, but yes, they are

 

Linhardt: please stop this, im trying to sleep

 

Emperor Edelgard: Linhardt, it’s half past two in the afternoon.

 

Linhardt: and?

 

Pegasus Knight 1180: Anyway, it’s nice to see His Highness being so calmed and relaxed!

 

Annie: Yes it is!

 

Mercie: :D

 

paint a fluffy little cloud: it is certainly a nice sight to see :)

 

Emperor Edelgard: Indeed. Though I can’t help but notice that Claude is now scrolling through his phone.

 

memelord: you do realise that i haven’t logged out and i can read all your messages, right?

 

delicate flower: SHIT

 

delicate flower: ABORT MISSION

 

sylvain eyyy ;): ABORT!! ABORT!!

 

I am Ferdinand von Aegir: EVERY MAN AND WOMAN FOR THEMSELVES

 

Diva Queen: IT’S ALL OVER FOR US

 

Marianne <3: hilda, wait!!!!

 

Hubert von Vestra: Amateurs.

 

memelord: honestly, trying to get some alone time round here is such a hassle.

 

Emperor Edelgard: Don’t worry, Claude, I’m heading back to the Black Eagle Classroom. I’ll let you finish up your party in peace.

 

memelord: cheers, princess <3 youre the best!

 

Emperor Edelgard: ...

 

Emperor Edelgard: <3

 

*

 

[The Official Officers Academy Group Chat – 3:13pm]

 

memelord: can someone come to my room? i was showing off some poison powder i made and managed to kill dimitri oh gods wtf.

 

felix: im sorry

 

felix: you did what?

 

sylvain eyyy ;): yeah wtf?

 

Annie: :O

 

Mercie: :O:O:O

 

Ashe: :O!

 

memelord: i told him not to breathe it in as it’s works by inhalation. only for him to inhale some it of it anyway i’ve killed the future king of faerghus!!! D:

 

felix: what the hell was he even doing in your room anyway?

 

memelord: after you all rudely interrupted our tea party, i wanted somewhere private so we wouldn’t be spied on, and i showed him the powder i’ve been working on and he breathed it in and collapsed on the floor D:

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: claude are you really that stupid?

 

Pegasus Knight 1180: CLAUDE VON RIEGAN! IS HIS HIGHNESS STILL BREATHING?!?!

 

sylvain eyyy ;): CLAUDE, I BEG OF YOU

 

sylvain eyyy ;): PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAUGHT IT ON CAMERA

 

memelord: NO I DID NOT PLS SEND HELP

 

sylvain eyyy ;): DAMMIT

 

Beefy Boi: on my way!

 

Dedue: If you have killed His Highness…

 

memelord: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT D: 

 

felix: what a fucking moron

 

memelord: HELP ME D:

 

delicate flower: CLAUDE WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!

 

memelord: HILDA I’VE KILLED DIMITRI WITH MY POISON POWDER

 

delicate flower: …

 

delicate flower: YOU DID WHAT?

 

delicate flower: YOU MORON!

 

Beefy Boi: taking him to the infirmary right now!

 

Hubert von Vestra: I would like to extend an invitation for all members of the Blue Lions and Golden Deer for them to join the Black Eagles. We are always welcoming new members, and are led by someone who is mature and dependable.

 

Hubert von Vestra: We have cookies.

 

Hubert von Vestra: And cake.

 

Hubert von Vestra: And the souls of the innocents.

 

i wont hesitate, b*tch: where do i sign up?

 

felix: yes, when can i join

 

Beefy Boi: it’s alright! he’s still alive!

 

Mercie: On my way to help out!

 

Marianne <3: ohh! i’ll help too!

 

Emperor Edelgard: Don’t expect Linhardt to help out, I’m afraid. I heard loud snoring coming from his bedroom.

 

Brigid Pride: Ah, I am getting it now! His Highness was in Claude’s room because the two of are having the pining, and want to be closer. And now Claude is panicking. He is having the panic of the gay, is he not???

 

Brigid Pride: Hello???

 

Brigid Pride: Is it something I am saying????