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The Talk

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Kurt's dad never had The Talk with him. Which wasn't surprising, really, because as hard as Burt Hummel tried, Kurt was past needing it by the time he finally got comfortable enough to even attempt The Talk. And since Kurt grew up during the abstinence-only era, sex ed in school wasn't much of a help, either. So Kurt's entire body of knowledge about sex came from the internet, which was hardly an indication of any kind of reality.

Which is why, as difficult as he'd known it would be, he'd readily agreed when, at the start of their relationship, Blaine had laid down only two rules: total honesty, and that they would take things slow and talk them through before they rushed into any decisions. Not only were those conditions fair, Kurt had felt they were probably more for his benefit than Blaine's.

Except, he'd never realized how awkward it would be.


"So…sex," Blaine says one day, apropos of nothing. The situation could not be any less sexual if they tried—they're sitting on the floor of Kurt's dorm room at Dalton, playing a shoot-'em-up game with lots of blood and gore. Kurt nearly chokes on the mouthful of water he'd just drunk, and drops his controller.

"What about it?" he manages after a moment.

"We should talk about it." Blaine pauses the game and turns to face Kurt, leaning back against the edge of Kurt's bed and looking for all the world as if this were a perfectly banal topic of chitchat.

"About it? Like, in general? Or in—in specific?"

"Specific. I mean, we've been going out for almost six months now, and I don't know if you're ready because we haven't talked about it. But I am ready, so I figured, there's no sense in delaying it if we're both ready, just because neither of us are brave enough to bring it up in conversation, so…we should talk about it. See if we're on the same page."

It all comes out in one rush of breath, one run-on sentence in one exhalation.

Kurt blinks. "I. Uh."

Blaine watches him for a moment, then leans forward to put his arm around Kurt's shoulder. "Hey," he says gently, "if you're not ready, then say so. That's the point of this conversation. It's okay if you're not."

"I—I just. I read online that it hurts."

"At first," Blaine agrees. He tugs at Kurt's shoulders until Kurt scoots closer. It's easier to forget that he's having a mild panic attack when Blaine is warm and gentle against him.

"I'm kinda afraid that it'll hurt so much I won't be able to go through with it," Kurt admits after a moment. "I mean…I want to. Or I think I do, anyway. But if it hurts that badly…"

"I'll stop you if you hurt me too much," Blaine promises, and Kurt's heart momentarily stops.


"If you hurt me," Blaine repeats, "and it's too much, I'll stop you."

"If I hurt you?"

Blaine stares down at him for a moment. "Yeah, I'm glad we're having this talk," he says. "See? We're not even on the same page. 'Cause I was thinking that I wanted you to fuck me and you want it the other way around."

"I—it's not—" Kurt stops and takes a deep breath. "It's not that I want it that way—I mean, maybe, some day, but it doesn't have to be—I just kind of assumed…I mean, that's the stereotype, isn't it? You like sports."

Blaine laughs. "I do. I also like being fucked. And for the record, I like doing the fucking, too, but…" He shrugs. "I've been waiting ages to get you inside of me."

If Blaine expects Kurt to have a rational conversation about this, he really needs to stop talking like that.

"Guh," Kurt says, unintelligently.

"You okay?" Blaine asks. "It doesn't have to be now, Kurt. I mean, I get it if you're not ready. Just…talking about it is a good thing. Helps us understand each other. So I am. I want you to fuck me. It's also important that we're safe."

"I—oh, God, condoms. And—and—"

"Lube," Blaine supplies helpfully. "I thought that maybe we could go together to buy them. When we decide to go for it, that is."

"You want us to—to what? We can't do that. They'll know what it's for."

"I really don't care," Blaine says cheerfully.

"What's wrong with ordering them off the internet?" Kurt asks. "Discreet shipping, Blaine. It's your friend."

"I'll consider it," Blaine says after a moment. "When we get there. Which I notice is a topic you're avoiding." He presses a kiss to Kurt's shoulder and whispers, "Do you not want to fuck me?"

"I—yes," Kurt says quickly. "God, yes, just—Blaine, you have to give me a minute. I'd kind of assumed—I mean, have you even seen porn? Guys like me only get to do one thing, and I was scared of it, okay? So I have to like, re-adjust my expectations now because hey, apparently liking sports isn't the only way you break stereotypes."

"But it's a good thing?"

"Yeah," Kurt says eagerly. "Yeah, it's a really good thing, Blaine, and—and fuck, I want that so badly."

"So you want it," Blaine says thoughtfully. "You definitely do want to fuck me."


"See," Blaine says happily, "we're getting somewhere. So. We've agreed to be safe, we've talked about what we want out of it, and I've said that I'm ready to do it. So million dollar question, Kurt. Are you ready?"

A long moment, while Kurt turns the idea over and over in his head. "No," he says finally. "Not yet. But I will be. And—and I think I'm glad we talked about it."

Blaine nods. "You want to go back to playing video games?"

Kurt turns around and takes Blaine's face in his hands. "No," he whispers, and kisses him silly.