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To Recklessly Confess

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The crisp mountain air is refreshing against Wei Wuxian's heated skin. He'll feel cold if he stays out here long enough, but between the wine in his belly and Lan Wangji's steady gaze on him, his whole body is warm. He stares out at the snowflakes drifting down in the cone of light from the open door, twirling in time to the music from the guqin. It's beautiful.

As the final notes of the haunting, nameless song hang in the air, Wei Wuxian swallows down the last of the wine and walks back into the warmth of the jingshi, limbs loose. Lan Wangji's eyes on him are like a warm blanket and also like a magnet, and he's just a collection of iron filings, powerless to resist the pull.

He sits down on the edge of the closest piece of furniture (Lan Wangji's bed, as it happens), and pulls off his boots. He flops back and stares up at the ceiling, thinks about asking Lan Wangji to play the song again. It would be an incredible indulgence, hearing it again so soon, letting the yearning notes wash over him as he lies in Lan Wangji's bed, surrounded by his scent, staring up at the same ceiling Lan Wangji must stare at on sleepless nights.

On the other side of the room, Lan Wangji draws the cover over the guqin and goes to sit at the table by his wardrobe. So much for the song, then. It's probably for the best if Wei Wuxian doesn't make too many needless requests. It's nice here; he doesn't want to wear out Lan Wangji's hospitality too soon.

He does prop himself up on his elbows, so he can watch Lan Wangji take down his hair. He's seen it a few times, now, and will happily watch again. The meticulous way Lan Wangji takes out each hairpiece and lays it aside, shedding all the layers of Hanguang-Jun one by one and becoming what Wei Wuxian privately thinks of as his Lan Zhan. He can't imagine it ever getting old.

Lan Wangji pauses with one hand on his hair tie and looks over his shoulder at Wei Wuxian. He watches Wei Wuxian for a minute, eyes warm.

Fuck, he's so beautiful, Wei Wuxian thinks, unable to look away, and then fast on that thought's heels, No one else should be able to see him like this. It doesn't feel – safe. Lan Wangji's gaze is far too open.

He lowers his hands from his hair, then wets his lips. "Would you like to help?"

Wei Wuxian is off the bed and across the room in a breath. "Yes," he says, emphatically. "Just tell me what to do."

Lan Wangji shakes his head minutely. "You've watched me. You know what to do." He bows his head slightly, and Wei Wuxian feels a mindless surge of affection for this man.

"I'll do my best." He comes up to stand behind him, and clasps his shoulders for a moment to disguise the way his hands are shaking. Lan Wangji's shoulders relax under his hands.

"Worst comes to worst, this will get hopelessly tangled and we'll just have to cut your hair off, eh, Lan Zhan? Hair grows back, nothing to worry about."

Lan Wangji clicks his tongue softly, but doesn't tense up again or lean away. Clearly he's not worried about worst coming to worst.

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you," Wei Wuxian grumbles. All this unasked-for trust makes him feel overexposed, which he has no idea what to do with. He runs his hands through the loose lower portion of Lan Wangji's hair a few times to make sure there are no tangles lurking. Of course, there are none.

First, comes the hair tie at the back of Lan Wangji's head. Wei Wuxian has never studied this ritual with the intent of performing it, but he has watched closely, and if he lets his hands work without thinking too much about it, they follow the right steps. Wei Wuxian carefully unties it and combs out the hair that was bound, setting the tie to one side. Lan Wangji picks it up and folds it neatly before sliding it into a drawer.

With the hair below it unbound, the filigree piece at the back of Lan Wangji's bun slides away easily. Wei Wuxian hands it off to Lan Wangji, who wraps it in a cloth and places it in a different drawer, then goes to work figuring out the smaller pieces on the sides. These are more structural, and he spends time working out the long pins carefully so he doesn't snag a hair and pull. With each new section of hair that's released, Wei Wuxian combs it out until it lies neatly with the rest of the loose hair.

When the side pieces are out, there's another tie to undo, but with the main front hairpiece still in, Wei Wuxian can only loosen it, not remove it entirely. He falls into a bit of the same trance of concentration he goes into when he's up late perfecting a new spell, loosening hair on one side, holding it tight on the other so it doesn't pull, following the traces of how Lan Wangji must have built this edifice of authority and grandeur so he can take it apart the same way.

Finally, all the remaining pieces are lined up on the table for Lan Wangji to put away. The forehead ribbon, disappearing under the hair at Lan Wangji's temples and tied securely just below the crown of his head, Wei Wuxian carefully leaves untouched. He's more or less sober now, just a tiny bit buzzed from the jar of wine, and he can't pretend he hasn't been educated about its meaning. As tempting as it is to take the ribbon off too, to uncover a version of Lan Zhan who doesn't belong to the cultivation world or to his clan or to anyone but him, Wei Wuxian leaves it alone. Tonight is so peaceful and nice; for once he feels like he can save needling Lan Wangji for another day.

Wei Wuxian gently cards Lan Wangji's unbound hair back from his forehead, arranging it carefully so it all falls in the same direction. He thinks about how his scalp sometimes aches after he takes his own hair out of its tie, and lets his fingers drag through Lan Wangji's hair with a little more pressure, massaging any aches away.

Lan Wangji lets out a soft, pleased hum, and Wei Wuxian scratches his fingernails lightly against Lan Wangji's scalp. Lan Wangji tips his head into it a little bit, and Wei Wuxian grins, impossibly fond. Lan Wangji looks so soft and present like this, more like a real person without all his hard edges, and Wei Wuxian was the one who made that happen. His hands still in Lan Wangji's hair, and he sighs happily.

Lan Wangji lets out his own sigh, a little tremulous, and then he – he – slides off the stool in one fluid motion and comes to rest on his knees at Wei Wuxian's feet. He lays a hand lightly on Wei Wuxian's knee and lays his forehead on his hand, breathing slowly, steadily.

Wei Wuxian is frozen for one long, crystalline moment, in which Lan Wangji just breathes and Wei Wuxian can't tear his eyes away but can't process what's just happened, either. In the next moment, reality comes crashing into him: that's Lan Zhan, kneeling, at his feet, this is really what's happening and they're really both here, doing. This.

Abruptly, a flock of butterflies erupts in Wei Wuxian's stomach and his knees give out as if the tendons were cut. He reaches out a hand behind him and finds the stool and collapses onto it. The motion does little to shift Lan Wangji, to Wei Wuxian's immediate and devastating relief. His feet feel like they're made of lead; he wouldn't dare move them and interrupt this for anything in the world.

Wei Wuxian pets Lan Wangji's hair again, and then lets his hand settle in the hair over the back of Lan Wangji's neck, where the strands are soft and warm between his fingers. He wishes someone would tell him what's happening.

Lan Wangji's head is pillowed on Wei Wuxian's knee now. He rolls his neck slowly, as if it costs him a great effort to unbury his face, and looks up at Wei Wuxian. His eyes are dark and crackling with intensity. Wei Wuxian's heart beats faster in his chest. He thinks, nonsensically, about pressing his thumb into the high spot of color on Lan Wangji's cheek.

"Tell me what you want, Wei Ying. Please." His voice is all low and rough, like he'd been holding the words in.

Wei Wuxian can hear his heart beating in his ears. He has no idea what Lan Wangji is thinking. It feels like he just skipped ahead three, four, ten, a hundred conversations from the one they'd been having, and now Wei Wuxian has to scramble to catch up.

"What – Lan Zhan, you have to give me a clue here. I have no idea what brought this all on, I have no idea what any of this means. I want –" involuntarily, his hand tightens in Lan Wangji's hair. Lan Wangji's eyes flash, too much to look at head on, but it's not like Wei Wuxian could look away. "I want so many things. I want a pair of boots that don't leak. I want Nie Mingjue's killer to confess to his crimes so someone else can deal with him and give us some peace and quiet. I want to sleep for a week. I want any number of things that are impossible, and I don't think any of that is what you want to hear. You have to help me out."

For a terrible moment, Lan Wangji looks down, gaze hidden by his eyelashes, and Wei Wuxian tries not to feel the loss quite so acutely. "All right," Lan Wangji says after far too long. He ducks his head farther, hiding his face behind a fall of hair, and Wei Wuxian makes a faint noise of protest. Lan Wangji's fingers clutch at the fabric of Wei Wuxian's robe, but he continues.

"I'll tell you what it is that I want. It is...not something that makes much sense, in own my mind." He takes a deep breath. "But since you asked, at least hear me out. And then I'll ask you again. Will that help?"

"Yes, yes, please." Wei Wuxian leans closer.

Lan Wangji takes another breath, visibly steadying himself, and then he looks up again at Wei Wuxian. The force of that gaze is like a physical thing, it makes Wei Wuxian's skin heat up and his breath come short.

"If I were to get what I wanted....first, you'll take off my forehead ribbon," Lan Wangji says.

First!! What could possibly come next, if the thing Wei Wuxian imagined was a bridge too far comes first?

"Then, you'll take off my clothes. You'd do it properly, putting each piece in the wardrobe, and I would have to wait."

All the air in the room seems to have vanished. Wei Wuxian's mouth is dry. He needs Lan Wangji to go back to the part where he takes off his clothes. He's still stuck on that, there's no way he can process how long it might take or why Lan Wangji sounds like he would like it if he had to wait.

He opens his mouth to ask this very thing, then closes it again with a click. Hear him out, Lan Wangji had said. Maybe this will make sense when he's done talking. Maybe he has an injury, maybe he's been cursed.

"Then you'll take off your own clothes, and guide me to the bed," Lan Wangji says, and there that thought goes, right out the window. "And lay me down, like you've done when I'm drunk."

Wei Wuxian's brain scrambles to connect with some shred of something that makes sense, and seizes desperately on the fact that Lan Wangji wasn't supposed to remember those times when he was drunk.

Unaware of the turmoil going on in Wei Wuxian's mind, Lan Wangji continues in that even, deliberate tone, like he's reading off a list of clan rules. "Except you would lay me on my stomach, and you'd follow me into bed. There's a pot of salve in the table by my bed; you'd use it to get me ready."

Wei Wuxian's brain is just a wall of white noise at this point.

"You'd use your fingers, but not for too long. I want to really feel it when you fuck me."

So that's where this is going. Wei Wuxian had had a creeping suspicion; it had seemed like there was no other possible outcome, but hearing the confirmation in Lan Wangji's calm voice is still something else entirely. All the blood is rushing to his groin now; he feels lightheaded. He hopes Lan Wangji can't tell, but his head is on Wei Wuxian's knee, so close.

Horribly, he's still going. "You'd fuck me until you've had your fill, and you'd hold me down so I have no choice but to take what you give me."

Wei Wuxian makes a low, punched-out sound. He's trying to hear Lan Wangji out, but his higher brain function has deserted him, and he can't help it.

Lan Wangji's eyes flash at him, severe but also – is he afraid right now? Wei Wuxian wants to gather him up in his arms and sooth away all his worry, except, apparently, that's not what Lan Wangji wants at all.

He nods, no idea what face he's making right now, hoping Lan Wangji will take it as an apology and permission to go on.

Thankfully they're not that out of sync; after a tiny nod of his own, Lan Wangji continues. "You'd come inside me, and then roll me over and make me touch myself until I came, too. You'd tell me when and I would come for you."

The words echo in the stillness of the room. Belatedly, Wei Wuxian realizes that Lan Wangji is done: this is the entirety of the thing he'd been holding inside, the wanting he couldn't make sense of.

Evidently Wei Wuxian's brain is still running at half tempo, because Lan Wangji looks down and says, "Wei Ying. Please. What do you want?"

What do you want from me, Wei Wuxian hears this time, so clear he can't believe he missed it before. What do you want for us, maybe.

"That," Wei Wuxian says, automatically. "Lan Zhan, I want that, I want exactly what you described – fuck – how can you just say things like that, out of nowhere, Lan Zhan ah you're killing me. How long have you been keeping that all to yourself?"

Lan Wangji swallows, still not looking up, and Wei Wuxian takes that to mean too fucking long.

Maybe it's something else, though, because the next thing he says is, "Wei Ying, think about your answer before you give it. I simply want to know what it is that you want, whatever it may be."

"That!" Wei Wuxian exclaims. "Sure, fine, maybe we can try some other stuff after. But you can't hand me this custom-made pornography and then expect me to be content to... to go stargazing, or something."

Lan Wangji raises an eyebrow. "It has never seemed that you thought of me that way."

"Then you should have said something! How was I supposed to know – ah Lan Zhan, you're so amazing. If I had thought about any of those things in anything like that level of detail, I would've had to try it immediately. And to think, you – !"

He knows he's babbling, but that doesn't seem to matter very much – Lan Wangji knows that he tends to babble, after all, and he still wanted all that with him.

Lan Wangji looks up at him again, finally, his expression fragile and bare. "Wei Ying."

A nervous bubble rises up in Wei Wuxian's chest and comes out as laughter. "Okay, okay, I'll get on with it! You have to remember you've been concocting this plan since, eh, who knows when, and I just found out, you can forgive me for needing a moment to collect my thoughts."

Lan Wangji settles his cheek very deliberately on Wei Wuxian's knee. Wei Wuxian tries to take a calming breath, and thinks, Lan Zhan wants me, he said – and he can feel the spiral he's going to fall down if he keeps thinking, so he strokes his hand once more through Lan Wangji's hair to ground himself, and finds the ends of his forehead ribbon.

The knot is simple but secure. Wei Wuxian uses both hands and takes the time to do it properly, since that's obviously something Lan Wangji cares about, and he wants to make it good for him.

All the nervous energy that had come out in babbling just a moment ago seems to pool in his chest as he lifts the ribbon away from Lan Wangji's forehead, slowly and deliberately. Lan Wangji's face does something subtle and complicated, and Wei Wuxian feels his heart physically clench in his chest, that he's here for this, that he's the one Lan Wangji chose.

If he had known it would feel like this, any of those other times, he would have begged Lan Wangji for permission. This is so much better than the teasing.

He folds the ribbon around his palm, keeping all the edges square, and places it in the center of the table. When he turns back, the sight punches him right in the chest. Lan Wangji has straightened up, kneeling neatly back on his heels with his hands on his thighs.

His eyes are dark and his head is entirely bare.

This is his Lan Zhan, the one who belongs to him and no one else. "Wow," Wei Wuxian says, breaking into an enormous grin. He reaches out and lays a hand along the side of Lan Wangji's face, needing to touch. Lan Wangji is reassuringly warm and solid against his skin.

Lan Wangji lets his eyes flutter shut and leans into the touch, and Wei Wuxian says, "Wow, Lan Zhan, wow, you're so –" and then he just has to scoot closer and reach out with his other hand too, smoothing his thumb over the band of lighter skin where the forehead ribbon always rests. "Wow," he breathes again, unable to stop.

He leans forward so far that he slides to his own knees on the floor in front of Lan Wangji, but that's good, that means they're on the same level and close enough that he can lean just a bit farther and press a kiss to the middle of Lan Wangji's forehead, right where the charm of his ribbon lays.

Lan Wangji lets out a deep, shuddering breath, and clutches Wei Wuxian's wrist. "I changed my mind," he says. "You need to get back on that stool, and let me suck you off while you tell me I'm good."

Wei Wuxian falls flat on his ass and then has to scramble to get back up on the stool. "You are good, holy shit, Lan Zhan, what an idea."

Lan Wangji makes a low, lost sound and surges forward. He reaches right up under Wei Wuxian's robes, making him yelp in surprise, and unties his pants in two economic motions.

"Fuck," says Wei Wuxian. "Fuck, how did you get so good at that." The pants fall around his ankles, and Lan Wangji doesn't even make an attempt to continue undressing him. Instead, he just pushes the layers of Wei Wuxian's robe and under-robes apart and up, until Wei Wuxian's cock springs free, embarrassingly hard.

"Fuck," Wei Wuxian says again.

And then Lan Wangji is nosing against his cock, and then he's looking up at Wei Wuxian through his eyelashes, and then he's opening his mouth and tonguing the bead of pre-come that's formed at the slit, and then Wei Wuxian's soul nearly leaves his body. It's been a good run, he thinks frantically, as Lan Wangji hollows out his cheeks and sucks him in. There are worse ways to go.

"So good," he tells Lan Wangji. "You're amazing, you're too good to me, ah."

The minutes melt into each other like honey as Lan Wangji works him over. He's fond of pausing and nuzzling his face against Wei Wuxian's cock, which Wei Wuxian finds cute and hot at the same time, to a degree that's nearly painful. Telling Lan Wangji how good he is is the only response, and it makes Lan Wangji gasp which is even more hot, and then he goes back to sucking Wei Wuxian's cock and Wei Wuxian just has to tell him how good he is again.

When he feels himself getting close, he jostles Lan Wangji's hand aside and squeezes the base of his cock. "Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, stop, I won't last."

Lan Wangji looks up at him, a question on his face. His lips are red and swollen, fuck.

Wei Wuxian stands and shakes his robes back into place, then draws Lan Wangji up alongside him. "You had a plan," he reminds him. "A beautiful, wicked plan, that I intend to carry out to the best of my ability."

Lan Wangji sways like he's about to drop to his knees again, and Wei Wuxian catches his shoulders, steadying him.

"Stand here and let me undress you," he says, and he gets to watch in amazement as Lan Wangji relaxes under his hands, going still and compliant.

Undressing Lan Wangji should be as tranquil and meditative as taking down his hair, with all the fiddly layers and belts and pendants. But now that he knows what comes after, Wei Wuxian's body thrums with excitement. He tries to pace himself by folding each piece carefully and filing it away in the wardrobe with the others like it.

The waiting was supposed to be for Lan Wangji's benefit, but it helps Wei Wuxian too, since left to his own devices all he would want to do is ravish Lan Wangji on the spot. He should ask Lan Wangji if he'd like that; he has the feeling the answer might be yes. Later, though. A bit of improvisation is apparently fine, but Lan Wangji went to the trouble of sketching all this out. It would be a waste not to follow his design.

Finally, Lan Wangji is down to just his plain white undershirt and pants. Wei Wuxian can see the pink of his nipples and the hard line of his cock through the material, and it seems so vulnerable and wanton in equal parts that he doesn't know if he wants to protect or ravish him more. It's a feeling he really doesn't know what to do with, so he just breathes a low wordless hum of appreciation and slips the last of Lan Wangji's clothes off him.

Those, he tosses into the basket in the corner, and he hopes Lan Wangji won't mind if he's a little less than meticulous. He needs to get his hands on his Lan Zhan at once, needs to not leave him standing there stripped naked and unprotected in the middle of the room, for even an instant. He slides a hand around the back of Lan Wangji's neck, under his hair, and clasps his upper arm in his other hand.

The muscles! Wei Wuxian feels him up a little more intentionally. "Wow, Lan Zhan, do you work out? How come I never see you working out?"

Lan Wangji actually blushes and ducks his head.

"Wow," Wei Wuxian says again. He gives Lan Wangji's arm a friendly squeeze and walks him over to the bed, steering him around furniture with gentle tugs and nudges. It's a little silly, guiding Lan Wangji through his own room when Wei Wuxian only just arrived himself, but he thinks he gets the general idea. What he does get, anyway, is very hot.

He sneaks a glance over Lan Wangji's shoulder to see if he's hard – he is – and also to cop a look at his dick, which he's never seen at all outside one or two odd glimpses out of the corner of his eye. It's elegant and flushed at the tip, just like Lan Wangji is right now. Good, Wei Wuxian thinks, feeling himself flush more at the evidence that Lan Wangji is just as into this.

When they get to the bed, Wei Wuxian unthinkingly bends his knee behind Lan Wangji's own, urging him down. Lan Wangji's shins hit the edge of the bed and he inhales sharply; Wei Wuxian barely has to press him down at all because his legs just buckle.

"There, just like that," Wei Wuxian says, and he peels back the bed covers and tightens his hand on the back of Lan Wangji's neck until he collapses entirely, arranges his limbs where he wants them. One arm, he folds under Lan Wangji's head, in case his neck gets tired, the other, he lays neatly by his side, palm facing up. He presses a kiss into the palm, unable to resist. He straightens out Lan Wangji's legs and admires the long lines of him, the plush rise of his buttocks, the neat little hollows at the backs of his knees.

"So beautiful," he breathes, and he can see the tip of Lan Wangji's visible ear redden as he hums a wordless response.

Then with with a sinking feeling he remembers he was supposed to have been naked too. Well, maybe a little bit of surprise can be a good thing. He starts clawing at his sash and says, "Stay right there, Lan Zhan, just be good for one minute and I'll be right with you. You look so gorgeous, fuck, I just want to touch you."

He tears off his clothes, leaving them in a tangled pile on the floor, detouring only to dig around in the table next to the bed for the salve. He's back on the bed in less than a minute. It still feels like way too long. Hopefully it was the good kind of waiting for Lan Wangji.

"Okay, I'm going to touch you now." Wei Wuxian feels silly as soon as he says it, but it makes Lan Wangji shift and exhale a soft sigh, so maybe it was worth it.

His hand falls on the perfect curve of Lan Wangji's ass, which looks like it was sculpted specifically for his palm. A visible ripple travels over Lan Wangji's skin, and Wei Wuxian is bowled over that he did that, with nothing more than the touch of his hand. He wants to put his dick in Lan Wangji so bad, but he also wants to stretch this out, to see what other reactions he can tease out.

He sighs. "Lan Zhan, you're so perfect, I can't even start to tell you."

Lan Wangji's back expands as he breathes in, then shudders as he lets out a shivery exhale. Wei Wuxian brushes aside the fall of hair over his back and hisses at what he reveals there. He'd seen the scars from a distance, felt their texture through Lan Wangji's clothes once or twice, but that couldn't have prepared him for the full picture.

There's barely an inch of Lan Wangji's back that isn't a grid of gnarled, knotted scar tissue. The individual lash lines overlap so much in some places that they're barely even discernible. Wei Wuxian traces his fingertips between them as best as he can, searching out the slivers of skin that still have sensation.

"I'm so sorry," he says, and realizes that his eyes are wet.

"Not now," Lan Wangji says. His voice is muffled; he's buried his face in his arm and is drawn up and tense under Wei Wuxian's hands. "Later, maybe. For now, just. Can we please..."

"Okay, baby, we don't have to talk about it tonight." He kisses the back of Lan Wangji's neck and squeezes his shoulder. "I'm taking you up on that 'later,' though, don't think you're getting out of telling me that easily."

"Mn," Lan Wangji says.

Wei Wuxian goes back to feeling up his ass, which has the anticipated effect of getting them both back in the mood very quickly. After a respectable amount of time, Wei Wuxian fishes the jar of salve from where it had fallen among the blankets and dips his finger in, drawing out what feels like a generous amount of the thick, slick substance.

Which may have been a miscalculation, considering Lan Wangji's legs are still closed, and Wei Wuxian now only has one hand free to manipulate him. He taps the back of Lan Wangji's closer thigh with his free hand and says, "Lan Zhan, bend your knee a bit, give me some room here."

Lan Wangji complies so easily, moving his leg up and out where Wei Wuxian shows him, that he wonders what else he could ask him, tell him to do. But there are more important things, right now. Wei Wuxian drags his eyes from Lan Wangji's bent knee, up the length of his thigh, to the place where his legs meet. The cleft of his ass is barely parted in this position, and in the low light of the room, Wei Wuxian can only make out darkness between his thighs. He'll have to go by feel.

For all the times over the years that Wei Wuxian has tried to provoke a reaction out of Lan Wangji using threats of this exact scenario – or one close enough that it doesn't matter – the reaction had always been the goal; what came after he actually got Lan Wangji naked, or underneath him, or or or...he had never really gotten that far. His mouth is dry and his head is reeling with vertigo.

He puts a hand on Lan Wangji's thigh, then dips his finger into the cleft of Lan Wangji's ass, smearing salve along the way. Wei Wuxian has looked at plenty of pornographic books in his day, but to his chagrin, he's quickly realizing they've done little to prepare him for this moment. In most of the images he's seen of two men, they're already in the act, as it were, and he's usually more than content to concoct his own scenarios to go along with the pictures. Maybe if he'd actually read more, he'd know what Lan Wangji means when he says prepare me, but as it is, all he has is Lan Wangji's instruction not to take too long, and the vague idea that slippery is good.

His questing finger coasts over a smooth pucker of flesh, then lower still, then bumps into Lan Wangji's balls. Wei Wuxian fondles them a bit, while he's there, and earns a very expressive "Nnngg" from Lan Wangji, before backtracking over his path. His fingers brush against that small whorl again, and is that – really – ? He gets more salve on his fingers and goes back, circling the – surely there can't be a hole here, it's too tiny – circling, and pushing against the pucker of muscle. It flutters, and lets his fingertip in half an inch.

"Holy fuck," Wei Wuxian says, and then squeezes Lan Wangji's thigh to get his attention. "Lan Zhan, holy fuck, it's so tight, I'm never going to fit."

"You will," Lan Wangji says, a little breathy.

"How, though," Wei Wuxian whines. He wiggles his finger again and it slides in a little more. Fascinated, he pushes, and to his amazement, Lan Wangji's body opens enough to accept his finger. He eases it back out and watches it go in again, fractionally easier this time. "Wow."

"Just keep doing more of that," Lan Wangji says.

Wei Wuxian gets some more salve with his free hand and traces around where his finger disappears inside. The muscle flutters, and Lan Wangji's breath hitches.

Hurriedly, Wei Wuxian rubs his hip. "Ah Lan Zhan, how are you doing? Are you comfortable like this? Does it feel weird?"

"Fine. Yes. No."

"How does it feel?" Wei Wuxian drags his finger out again and then rubs two fingers over his hole, pressing down and making him shudder.

"Good," Lan Wangji bites out. His one visible ear is a deep, flaming red.

Wei Wuxian grins. Lan Wangji is nice and slick now, the salve having gotten even more slippery as it heats up, and Wei Wuxian drags a knuckle across his hole, pressing in to see if he'll open for it. He does, just a little, and Wei Wuxian bites his lip so hard he might have drawn blood, thinking of what that might – will – feel like on his dick.

He's still so, so tight around even one finger, though. Wei Wuxian's dick throbs, and he wants, so bad, to just –

"Lan Zhan, listen, I'm going to try doing it now, okay? If it hurts or feels like too much or anything, you have to say, and I'll go back to fingers. Okay?"

Lan Wangji whimpers and arches his back, exposing himself obscenely. His hole is pink and glistening with slick, twitching a little around Wei Wuxian's finger. The sight transfixes him for a moment. He twists his finger, distantly observing the way it makes Lan Wangji shudder, and then replaces it with his thumb, hooking in a little bit to give him more of a stretch, and if it looked obscene before, this isn't fit for mortal eyes.

With a start, Wei Wuxian shakes his head and lightly smacks Lan Wangji's thigh, as if he had been the one who got distracted. "Are you listening? You have to tell me."

Lan Wangji nods into his folded arm, and then scrabbles around on the bed with his free hand until he finds Wei Wuxian's free hand and squeezes it fiercely.

Wei Wuxian's heart stutters with a wave of fondness. "All right, okay, I'll get on with it!" He leans down and kisses the baby-smooth skin of Lan Wangji's ass once, frivolously, then grips the base of his cock and lines himself up. The angle is going to be a challenge. He wants desperately to see, but if he's going to fit in like this, he has to be all but lying on top of Lan Wangji. Which also has its appeal, but.

"Just a minute," he says, by way of explanation, and gathers Lan Wangji up with an arm under his hips, leaving his ass in the air and his legs spread wantonly on the bed. Wei Wuxian won't be able to hold him up like this the whole time, but he doesn't need to. He slicks up his cock, too, for good measure, then deliberately rubs the head of his cock against that impossibly small hole. He feels like if he just snapped his hips forward he would skate right off, and well – rubbing himself off against Lan Wangji's skin isn't a bad idea, but it's not what Lan Wangji wanted.

So instead he presses forward slowly, slowly, until he feels Lan Wangji's opening start to yield beneath him. He's so hard it nearly hurts. He thinks that maybe it won't be enough, maybe Lan Wangji is just too tight and he can't get through, but Lan Wangji is gasping for breath and not telling him to stop, so he keeps going and Lan Wangji just keeps opening for him. And then suddenly the entire head of his cock is inside, surrounded in close wet heat, the ring of muscle clamping around his shaft, and he makes a sound he would deny being able to make if anyone asked him about it later.

Lan Wangji groans, and Wei Wuxian hitches him up a tiny bit to get a better angle. "Shh," he says meaninglessly, when Lan Wangji makes another sound. "I've got you."

He twitches his hips forward and slides in a little more; he shifts back and feels that ring of muscle drag along his length until it catches at the ridge of his dick. He swears profusely and rubs his thumb against Lan Wangji's rim, needing to know how he can possibly stretch so far. Lan Wangji shudders and pushes back into the touch, impaling himself further.

"Fuck, fuck, you're so good. I'm going to move more now, okay?"

"Please," Lan Wangji says, and it shoots straight down Wei Wuxian's spine to his groin.

He fucks himself in bit by bit, drawing back some and then going in again even farther, and Lan Wangji moans and takes it. It's possibly the most gorgeous thing that Wei Wuxian has ever witnessed. He might physically implode.

When he's buried to the hilt, he lowers Lan Wangji's hips back down and spreads himself over his back, nudging his legs apart with his thigh to make room. He slides his other arm, the one that doesn't have a cramp in it yet, back under Lan Wangji's hips to bring them flush together, pausing to cup his balls and stroke once up his leaking dick once while he's under there. Lan Wangji writhes underneath him, a live wire, and Wei Wuxian fucks him down without thinking.

Lan Wangji keens.

Until this very moment, there had been a whisper of a doubt in the back of his mind that he'd be able to carry out his role in this fantasy – sure, he's willing to try anything once, and this had sounded fun enough to try maybe a few times, but what if he wasn't what Lan Wangji was looking for? What if he'd be able to go through the motions as directed, but he wouldn't be able to feel it, the why of it all?

He feels it now, for damn sure. He reaches out with his free hand and tangles it in Lan Wangji's own. "That's it, my Lan Zhan," he croons. "Just like that. You're doing so good."

He's been rolling his hips this whole time, grinding himself in as deep as he can get, but Lan Wangji gasps wetly and tries to buck back, even though there's nowhere to go. Wei Wuxian pulls back and drives back down, clumsy at first, but finding a rhythm after a few strokes. Lan Wangji is making small, breathy noises in time with Wei Wuxian's thrusts, and he's shifting around underneath Wei Wuxian like maybe he's trying to rub himself off against the mattress.

Wei Wuxian stills and lets himself go boneless and heavy over all of Lan Zhan's prone body – not hard, since he's pretty sure half his bones have melted already from how good it all feels – and says into Lan Wangji's ear, "You said I get to decide when you come, right? I finish inside you and then I watch you get off?"

Lan Wangji whines, high in his throat, which Wei Wuxian takes for agreement.

"Then if you still want that, don't fuck the mattress like that. I'll tell you when you can get off."

With broadly-telegraphed intent – and no small amount of effort, considering his human blanket – Lan Wangji raises his hips and grinds down into the mattress.

Wei Wuxian bites the place where his shoulder meets his neck. "Oh, it's like that, is it? You want me to make you?"

Another purposeful buck into the mattress. Wei Wuxian takes that as a clear yes. Heaven, Lan Zhan without his inhibitions is a thing to behold.

Wei Wuxian pulls out and sits back on his heels, petting Lan Wangji's hip as he goes so he'll know not to miss him too much. He rolls him over onto his back with great difficulty and more grappling than would be necessary if Lan Wangji weren't making a show of fighting against him, and then he pushes one of his legs up and out, and fucks right back into him.

There's less friction now, and Wei Wuxian marvels at the slick glide, at how Lan Wangji's body made space for him, like magic.

He cradles Lan Wangji's face in one hand as he finds his rhythm again, smoothing his thumb over the thin skin under Lan Wangji's eye. He's surprised to find that his thumb comes away wet. They're both sweaty with exertion, their bodies sticking together in all the places they touch, but this is as if – "Lan Zhan, are you crying?"

Lan Wangji shakes his head, his eyes screwed shut, but lets out a shuddering breath that sounds suspiciously like a sob. At the same time, though, he digs his heel into Wei Wuxian's lower back and arches up. "Don't stop," he says, sounding absolutely wrecked, and another tear slides down his cheek.

"You're going to be the death of me," Wei Wuxian says, and leans forward as far as he can to roughly kiss the trail of the tear. "I genuinely may not survive this."

Lan Wangji just makes another horrible, helpless sound that goes straight to Wei Wuxian's cock, and he has a momentary flash of absolute rage at whoever made Lan Wangji get so twisted up in his head about this. Pleasure should be simple. Wei Wuxian is going to fuck him until he makes it simple for him.

"Don't touch yourself," he reminds him, and plants both his hands on the bed for leverage, and he lets go. He lets himself fuck as hard as he wants, shifting Lan Wangji up the bed in tiny increments from the inertia. He bites at Lan Wangji's chest, his upper arms, anywhere he can reach. He draws out all the way and fumbles between Lan Wangji's legs to feel how loose he is now, how Wei Wuxian has literally fucked him open, and then he plunges back in, making Lan Wangji moan and throw his head back.

The tears never stopped leaking down Lan Wangji's face, but he's also got two spots of red in his cheeks, his wet mouth open, and is making abandoned, incoherent sounds with every breath. Wei Wuxian thinks that maybe the tears are just like the rest of it: too many feelings kept locked in for too long, coming out any way they can.

"I'm going to come soon," he gasps, when it feels like he's been close for centuries and the slightest thing would send him plunging into his climax. He wishes he could stay right here on this perfect knife's edge forever, but failing that, he wants to make this exactly as good for Lan Wangji as he possibly can.

"Gonna come in you," he gets out on his next breath, and because he has little brain to mouth filter at the best of times and absolutely none now, "Gonna fill you right up and then keep fucking you through it as long as I can. Gonna make a mess, gonna ruin you."

He clumsily grabs Lan Wangji's other leg and brings it up over his shoulder, bending him almost in half, and slams into him hard and deep. Lan Wangji's cock is red and leaking all over his stomach, untouched for so long. Wei Wuxian thinks about taking it into his mouth, sucking the slick off it and feeling its heat, feeling it pulse as Lan Wangji comes. And then Wei Wuxian is coming, so hard he sees stars behind his eyelids. He fucks through it as long as he can, stretching out the pleasure like pulled candy, sweet and fragile, Lan Wangji filthy and wet and moaning beneath him.

He stays buried in Lan Wangji's body until the last shocks of it shudder through him, and then he pulls out slowly and eases Lan Wangji's legs down. He rolls onto his side, and guides Lan Wangji over until he's on his side too, facing him. They're both breathing in huge gasps as if they'd just finished a marathon, and Wei Wuxian wonders if maybe Lan Wangji came too, but no. His cock is still as hard and red as it had been, jutting out luridly between his legs.

"Go ahead and touch yourself," Wei Wuxian says. He can't get his voice to come out quite right. "You did so good, you earned it, let me see."

Lan Wangji reaches a shaking hand down to wrap around his cock, and gives it a light, nearly tentative stroke. He must be so, so sensitive after holding off that long. Wei Wuxian wonders what it feels like.

"Can I feel?" he asks, bumping his knuckles against Lan Wangji's own, and when Lan Wangji nods with another breath that sounds like a sob, Wei Wuxian wraps his fingers around Lan Wangji's. His cock jumps when he makes contact and Wei Wuxian breathes in sharply. He lets Lan Wangji set the pace, almost delicate, and marvels that he's allowed to be here for this, too.

Belatedly, he remembers Lan Wangji promising that he wouldn't come until Wei Wuxian told him to, and he could have smacked himself if he had a hand free. Here he is, marveling at Lan Wangji's delicate technique, and what he's probably seeing is the razor-thin end of his iron control.

Maybe some other time he'll get to see how far Lan Wangji's control can go, but now is not that time. "Come on, Lan Zhan, come for me now. You've been so good, sweetheart, come on."

He rubs his thumb right under the head of Lan Wangji's cock, and just like that, he's coming, shaking apart with his eyes locked on Wei Wuxian's own and his mouth open in a surprised O.

He's so, so beautiful, and Wei Wuxian gathers him up in his arms while he's still shaking through it and kisses his forehead, murmurs endearments, holding him tight.

Slowly, Lan Wangji's breathing evens out; after a while, he begins to shift in Wei Wuxian's arms, coming back to himself. Wei Wuxian tips his chin up and kisses him on his soft, surprised mouth, warm and lingering.

"How'd I do?" His voice is still rough, and he can't look away from Lan Wangji's face. "Did I do it right?"

"Wei Ying, ah." Lan Wangji blushes more somehow, and tips their faces back together so he can kiss him back.

It calms him a bit, but Wei Wuxian is still coming down from an extremely intense experience, and his stomach is full of nerves.

It must show on his face because Lan Wangji caresses his face and says, "My own Wei Ying. This wasn't a test, I – when I asked what it was you wanted, it was only because I was heartsick with waiting. In all these years, I have never been able to tell if you want me in the same way. I had nothing left to lose. No matter what your answer was, knowing must be better than not knowing."

Wei Wuxian can feel his eyes start to prickle, and he blinks away the impending tears. Lan Wangji sees this, of course, and pulls him into another kiss, letting them trade kisses back and forth for several lazy minutes before nuzzling down along his neck.

"I'm sorry for making you wait," Wei Wuxian says, laughing a little so he won't start crying again. "It's just, you see, I'm just incredibly stupid."

Lan Wangji kisses his neck, then his ear, then rolls them both over until he's laying underneath him. He cups Wei Wuxian's face and looks up at him, eyes bright. "I know. It's a good thing I love you anyway."