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Flip the Switch

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He is bored out of his mind, something that happens more often than not when he has his day off. He doesn't have a lot of friends outside the job, most of them left alongside Buck 1.0, Maddie has a lot of things to do and his family from the station have families on their own. Buck is alone and on days like this he wishes he had the easy-going attitude that he used to have when he was Buck 1.0 and could find fun, people and places to go with a smile 

He can listen to the music coming from his neighbor’s house, loud and bad as only the party music usually is, it's not something that Buck would listen while sober and lonely, but the beat is familiar and he knows he would be dancing to it as crazy if he were in the party. He actually thinks about swinging by, after all, he was invited, and his neighbor - Matt? Jack? - is hot. He also is one of those jocks who would beat him down if he knew that Buck was thinking about fucking him silly. But he knows the type, and the heartbreak, he has been there and done that and the t-shirt sucked. 

So instead of going upstairs, Buck raises the volume of his tv and gets back to his gloomy mood. 

He is halfway through the movie when his phone rang. He was expecting and hoping it was Eddie, it was so pathetic how difficult was for him to spend a day away from his best friend. It was a big surprise to see Henry’s name flashing on his screen, so he immediately knew there has to be something wrong, the kid would only call him if there was an emergency

He picks up, trying to keep it together for the boy, a series of questions ready on his tongue, but then he is shocked once again, this time when Athena’s voice comes from the other side of the line

“Buck, listen to me” she shouts, and it is so weird for Buck to hear her voice trembling with something akin to fear and panic “I need your help NOW”

“Of course, what is happening, is it, Bobby”

“No, listen up and answer me, is there a party at your building?”

“Yeah, they have the music…”

“May is there… She had to hide in the bathroom because they wanted… They wanted” Buck can feel her struggling to find the words, but she doesn’t, and he thinks it’s probably because she doesn’t want to utter those words. He doesn’t need her though, he knows, and he knows he can’t waste more time. He just drops the phone and runs.

He is seeing red by the time he is knocking the door, but he is not as stupid as people think they are, he knows he just can’t get into the flat and beat down those guys. So when the guy with the stupid face and the silly hair opens the door, he just yells May’s name hoping she will answer. And there she does, it is all he needs to push the door, break the chains that Stupid Face hadn’t taken off and get into the flat.

Once upon a time, when he was in the Seals, he realized he couldn’t turn off his feelings… Well, technically, he could do it, but it was hard, and it had a great cost because he was afraid of getting lost in the dark side. But now, it turns out it is quite easy when a little girl is hiding in the bathroom because five assholes don’t know what the word NO means. 

He gets the first one out of the way quite quickly, he had the surprise element in his side, and the guy is wasted. He only had to crash the head against the wall. The sound is as sickening as he always imagined it would be, but he doesn’t care. He keeps repeating different mantras don’t kill them, keep going , and the most important one May May May  

The second guy comes at him with a knife. The guy is sloppy and doesn’t have a plan, it’s stupidly easy to avoid the attack, grab him by the wrist, forcing him to throw the knife, then twists the arm until he hears the sound that signals that it popped out and lowers the guy head at the same time he bends his knee up so Buck hits his head with his knee, and then the guy falls down. He is out. 

Now there are only three more to go.

They come to him at the same time, blind and enraged, and although they do connect some punch that Buck knows will leave some mark and brush, he is able to knock them out, just like he did with the other two. 

He isn’t able to go back to himself until he feels May clinging to him. She is crying and talking, and Buck doesn’t know what she is saying, he just knows she is alive, but he needs to find out if she is fine. So he turns around to face her and check her, and she is still crying and talking things he can’t understand. And he wants to yell and demand things, but he doesn’t, she is terrorized and traumatized so the last thing she needs is some other white guy treating her like shit, even if he is only trying to keep her safe and sound. So he uses his more shooting voice, the one he uses in his job to keep people calm and happy, accompanied by some grounding touches

“May… May sweetheart, I need you to calm down… You are safe, I promise you, you are safe, your mother is on her way, please May”, May doesn’t calm down until he doesn’t grab her face and makes her look him into his eyes. And damn, when he sees all that pain and fear on those usually vivid, happy eyes, Buck only wants to wake up those guys again and again just to beat them down repeatedly. He hugs her, and leads her to the couch, and yeah, sure, it’s probably the last place where she wants to be, who knows what happened there, but they need to stay put and wait for Athena

Logically, he knows Athena is on her way, with more cops, probably, yet he doesn’t know why is taking them so long, he feels it has been hours since Athena called and the reality of what just happened is starting to hit him. 

He is putting his jacket over May’s shoulders because those assholes tore her dress, when Athena shows up, gun in hand, frightening look in her eyes and with a couple of other cops behind. 

“What the hell” she exclaims when she takes a look. Five guys, fairly young and big, are in the floor, unconscious, her little girl is pale and tearful, but otherwise, she looks safe, and Buck is just keeping her in his arms, protective and careful in the same way that Athena had seen him be with Christopher all the time. He is exporting some bruising on his face, and probably somewhere else, and his knuckles are bloody and swelling…He is a mess, and May doesn’t look much better; Athena only wants to gather them in her arms and protect them until the end of her days. So that is what she does, she ignores Buck protests, and May clinging to her as she used to do when she was a kid, she needs this, and they do too, so she will give them.

Hours later, after Buck and May went to the hospital, and answered to all the questions that the cops made, and the doctors said they were good to go, and to take it easy, and give May and Athena therapist numbers and a talk about trauma, they finally were able to go home and sit, and rest.

Athena insisted that Buck had to go with them, she really wanted him there, and the three of them just sat down on the couch drinking tea

That is where Bobby finds them after he gets back from his shift, and with the sight that greets him, he wonders if he has been dosed again.

May is clinging to Buck, who is holding her, and Athena is facing them, holding his hand while his other hand rests on May’s arm. Bobby is looking at them and silently freaking out when he hears Henry whisper at his back

“They have been like that since they got here, I’m glad you are here, I didn’t know what to do”, and the kid sounds as nervous, confused and afraid as he is feeling, which means this, whatever this is, it’s real 

“What the hell happened,” Bobby asks

“I don’t know”

“Schssssssssss” Athena hushes them quite loudly walking to them “I’ll explain, but no here”, although judging by the way that she looks at Henry, Bobby guesses she means that she will explain when Henry is not around. The kid gets the message too, loud and clear, and rolling his eyes, he leaves the room.

Still talking in an undertone, Athena explains everything that happened, at least the tidbits she knows, there are things that are part of Buck and May story

“So May is fine?”

“Yeah, she is, they didn’t get to do anything… physically”

“That, that is good… And Buck”

“He has some bruises… And…” and then Athena breaks, and it’s not something that Bobby has seen very often, and he has hated and loved every time of it. He hated to see Athena sad, but he loved to be the person she could be vulnerable with. Which probably makes him a jerk. 

He holds her, whispering sweet nonsense to her, about how everything is fine, and everything will be fine, and they are fine, and everything is gonna be all right, and so on. It takes them a few minutes to realize that Buck and May were there, at the side, hovering, probably trying to help

“Hey Athena, everything is alright, we are fine”, says Buck, which seems to be the last straw

“But no thanks to me Buck”

“You did everyth-” Athena cuts him off with that tone of voice she gets when she is trying to get someone very dense to see things her way.

“I called you… I called you, you went there and they were five adult guys. They could have killed you Buck, and it would have been my fault, what was I thinking?”

“You were thinking in your little girl and what they could have done to her”

“Yeah, but that is no excuse… And how the hell could you beat down five adult guys by yourself?”

“They were bad. the only one who knew how to fight was the guy with the knife, and he was easy once I took the knife”

“It’s not funny, Buck… I’m serious”

“Seal training”




 

The following day is as weird as Buck expects it to be. Bobby makes his favorite breakfast, and then his favorite lunch, but it gets odder when Athena shows up with a box of donuts and the best coffee in the city. Hen is the first one seeing her best friend, and she welcomes her enthusiastically 

“Hey Thena, what are you doing girl?”

Athena just smiles and climbs up the stairs to the loft, once she gets there she just puts the box in front Buck and gives him his coffee

“I came to bring some donuts and coffee to some of my favorite people in the world” she slaps Chimney hand, that is trying to grab one of the sweets, and she does without taking her eyes off Buck, who just wants the ground to open and swallow him “here, Buck gets to choose first”

“Thanks, Athena,” he says, although he wants to tell her she doesn’t have to do any of this, but you just don’t contradict Athena, if you want to survive with all your limbs in place and working, that is. So he grabs Chimney’s favorite just because he can and his future brother in law has been a pain in his ass all day long. And if later on, Athena slaps him for messing with Buck, well, the younger man won’t complain, he deserves to get some retaliation and some fun after everything he had been through. 

The truth is that Buck understood their need to reward him for saving their daughter, so everything would have been fine if Bobby and Athena had stopped after that first day, but they didn’t, and at some point, even Michael and May showed up to bring some cookies May had baked, and there were hugs involved

By the fourth day since he had saved May, Buck has reached his limits, and the squad is beyond suspicious

So it’s only fair that Buck follows Bobby to that spot in the station he makes use of to be by himself… And also, it’s quite understandable too that Chim follows him.

Buck and Bobby’s voice are low, but not enough to prevent Chim from hearing the whole conversation

“You all need to stop”

“Buck…”

“I’m serious Bobby, this is starting to be serious, and the rest will start asking questions…and I don’t want them to know”

“And why would that be such a bad thing Buck? You did something…”

“You really have to ask… Look at you… They’ll start to be awkward too, and it’s not something that bit…”

“But it is Buck, they should know because what you did was…” at this point Chimney just has to cut them off, he is too curious, he has always been too curious for his own good, and it’s obvious that Bobby wants them to know, and well, Chimney also wants himself to know, so it’s a win-win situation… Or whatever… Luckily for him, he didn’t have to interrupt, Buck has it covered

“I did what anyone else would have done… May needed help, so I helped her”

“And by help you mean you saved a young girl from being abused by five adult men beating them down”

And well, that isn’t what Chim was expecting, he presumed something like Buck painting Henry’s room or helping May with some essay. He wants to say something, ask for explanations, rather, demand them, because this is his girlfriend’s little brother and one of his best friends, after all, he needs to know if he has been hurt in any way or form. But then, the bell rings, and Chimney knows the conversation has to be delayed until they get back.

It’s an easy call, a kid who got locked in a car, and even though it’s a very hot day and usually this kind of calls end with a lot of tears, it wasn’t the case, in fact, the baby had been laughing at them all the time, while Buck kept making funny faces at him and helping Eddie. 

Once they were back to the station, Chimney can’t hold it together any longer, so he waits until Bobby starts to get some snacks ready to ask:

“So are you going to do Buck’s favorite again or we can get something too”

It’s fun to see Buck and Bobby pale and side-look at each other before Bobby answers

“I don’t know, I’m not doing anything too difficult, just some veggie chips”

“Right… So Buck new favorites”

“They are healthy, and I thought you guys liked them too”, Buck points out, trying to help Bobby, and failing, because Chim isn’t having it, and judging Eddie and Hen’s smirks, they are right there with him.

Chim smirks and starts talking with a tone of voice that makes pretty clear he doesn’t believe a word of what he is saying

“Right, so let me get this straight, Buck shows up with some interesting bruises that he got because he falls he got running this weekend, and then Bobby starts cooking his favorite meals and the rest of the family Grant/Nash shows up with desserts, but we are supposed to believe nothing weird is happening”

Bucks sighs awkwardly, trying without success to find an explanation, any kind of explanation. However, Bobby has had enough, he hates lying to his team, and how Buck seems ashamed of what he did. Which is weird, because Buck is nothing if not hiper-confident, at least that is what he always thought, but now, he is looking at a side of Buck that he didn’t know, scratch that, he is seeing a lot of things about Buck he didn’t know. Luckily, all of all is helping him to form a better opinion as if he is getting the improved, high-quality picture of the boy, although now he is starting to see the man instead

“Buck saved May from five guys who were planning to... “ Bobby cuts himself out, he always gets that annoying lump on his throat whenever he has to say the words. Logically, he knows what they were planning to do, but he hates to think about it, it always forces him to imagine what would have happened if Buck hadn’t shown up, if Athena had taken a little bit longer in getting there, if May hadn’t been able to escape to the bathroom and calls his mom. But Buck is opening his mouth, probably to say some lie or some half-truth, so Bobby forces himself to say something “hurt May”

The team reacts the way he is expecting, there are gasps and disbelief looks that he shuts down with a look of his own because he can joke about a lot of things but never about something like this

Hen is the first one who asks, soft and full of concern as she always is every time one of them is in danger, or has been in danger. She is the one who is always there in the afterward, the one who knows the afterward is not just about scars on the skin and painful muscles.

“What happened? Is May okay?” then she looks at Buck, grabs his hand, even though he clearly wants to keep his distance, and asks him “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay” he answers rolling his eyes, in his best annoyed/annoying teenager impersonation. Hen doesn’t mind, she is used to this, from Denny and other people, among them, Buck himself, so she just raises one eyebrow in the way that only a mother knows how to do to transform it into a whole speech

“Seriously Hen, I’m okay, I let my guard down for one second and one of them got me, but they were really bad, I got the bruise because I’m in blood thinners, they weren’t really strong”

“They? how did you take five men down?” Chim asks with that disbelief in his voice that is at the same time curiosity and insulting, and Bobby wants to slap him because Buck deserves better, but then he remembers they don’t know about Buck’s past and his stint with the Seals, so the question is fair game and understandable. Chimney would probably ask the same if it had been Bobby, or anyone else in the whole station, except for Eddie, that is. And, speaking of the devil, he has been oddly quiet. Bobby looks at him, and he is not really surprised when he only sees the best closed up face that Eddie has. The man is an expert on those and Bobby still has to learn how to read him when he is like that

Buck has made himself smaller, and Bobby can’t stand to see him like that. No for the first time, he thinks he has seen him doing that too often, and he doesn’t even remember when it started. It was after Abby left? When Ali left? After the fire-truck or it was after the tsunami? Was it there from the beginning but Bobby was too draped out in his own world that didn’t realize? He never knows when Buck started, but it doesn’t really matter for him. He just wants to fix it.

“Seal training”, Buck says as if that was the only answer they’d need, as if it didn’t create more questions instead.

“What do you mean seal training?” Eddie questions. And Bobby is glad he has found his voice, but there is some quality in his tone that he can’t put his finger on it, doesn’t want to. Buck and Eddie's friendship is something he doesn’t want to mingle with. Buck opens his eyes, and Bobby is sure he has only heard the harsh tone and seen the closed-up face in his friend, and missed the rest, the confusion, the fear, the concern and everything in between that goes with the kind of feelings that, the captain is sure, they have for each other.

“Yeah, I was in the Seals, I dropped out”

“When?”

And Buck is about to answer, but then he is saved by the bell. They run and do their job, and when they get back, the youngest member of the team avoids them all by doing all the meaningless jobs nobody wants to do, always with someone else who is not part of their group, effectively making impossible for them to keep talking. More bells, and more missions, none of them too bad, just another day in the office. And by the end of the shift, Buck is the first one out of the station. 

Bobby wonders if he should follow him, do something else besides looking at him from the top of the stairs, but then he sees him, Eddie is looking at Buck in a way that is telling he got this. He turns up his head to direct his gaze at Bobby and the message is clear and loud, so Bobby smiles and nods. 

After all, there is nobody in this world he trusts with Buck more than Eddie.




 

Buck really, really wishes he didn’t have to work the next day, no only because he doesn’t want to face his team-mates and answer all their questions, but because he would love to get drunk and forget everything

HIs time in the SEALS is something he likes to keep to himself, it’s not that he is ashamed of it, he is not even ashamed of dropping out, he just doesn’t particularly like the faces and looks he gets when he explains why he left and how long he stayed.

When he hears the knock on his door, he groans and he sinks his face into the palms of his hand. He knows who is there, he was expecting him sooner actually, yet it’s not a conversation he wants to have

“Buck, open the door, don’t make me use the key”

“Damn it” Buck mumbles to himself before he gets up to open the door. He smiles wide, all eyes and lashes because he knows it always works to get people out of his face. Someone would call it the puppy eyes  but he would never disparage such a perfect diversion plan, it works every time

“Hey, Eddie, what’s up.” Eddie just looks at him unamused. Yeah, he forgets it doesn’t work with his best friend, who has always had a way to see through his bullshit better than anyone he knows. It’s something that usually makes him feel warm and silly, but it pisses him off on the days he actually needs to bullshit his partner in crime.

“I was in the neighborhood” Eddie responds, sassy and sarcastic, and well, that is not Eddie at all, but it makes Buck sober up

“Right, come in… Do you want a beer?”

“No…” Buck wasn’t expecting that answer, so he takes it like a bad sign.

“So, this is serious”

“You bet your ass it is, so just explain to me all this SEAL thing” Eddie’s voice is hard and edgy in a way that gives Buck chills, and not in the good godhowhotyouare kind of way he always feels around his friend

“What do you mean?”

“Well, were you in the SEALS or it’s just some bullshit to joke around?

And wait a minute, he would never do that, and that is plain insulting. Now is his turn to get mad, so if his voice gets loud, well, it’s better than low and threatening, because that is a side of himself Buck doesn’t want to revisit

“I would never lie about that… I would never disrespect the SEALS or the men and women who lost their lives in that way, and if you think I would do something like that, there you have the door” and with that Buck just turns on his heels and gets back to his couch. He feels hurt, and kind of disappointed, he thought that Eddie had a better opinion of him.

“Damn it, Buck, I’m sorry… I’m just… You are right, that was a stupid thing to say, but you never said anything about that, and I thought we didn’t have secrets between us”

“Cut the crap Eddie, do you really tell me everything about yourself? I doubt that very much, SEAL training here, remember, I know for a fact you are keeping a lot of things, which it’s your obligation, but don’t give me that bullshit. If you want me to be honest, start with telling me what got you so damn pissed off, because I don’t get it”

Eddie takes a deep breath and starts mumbling okay, okay to himself before he gets into the flat and sats down beside Buck

“Okay, you are right, I don’t tell you everything, and perhaps it’s unfair that I expect you to tell me everything… But I’m mad, you were in danger, you could have been badly hurt, and you didn’t even call me to have your back”

“Eddie, I didn’t have time to call anyone… Look, you know that neighbor of mine? The jock with the stupid friends?” at Eddie nods letting him know he remembers the guy “he had a party, he even invited me and I thought, why no? But then I remembered they are idiots so I tell him no and stayed here, doing my things… The next thing I know is that Athena is calling me and telling me that May is up there, and she had to lock herself in the bathroom because those idiots didn’t understand the meaning of the word no … I didn’t think, I just got there and got May out”

“And you fought five guys by yourself”

“This might be a big surprise for you Eddie, but I know how to fight, I’m actually good at it?”

“It’s not a surprise” Eddie cringes as soon the words are out of his mouth, of course, it is a surprise, he knows it, Buck knows it, Eddie knows that Buck knows it... “okay, fine, it’s a surprise…” 

Buck nods, because he knows he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who fights and wins fights, that is simply not him, which is a big part of why he had to left the SEALS. They stay there, on the couch, in companionable silence, although Buck knows it’s a matter of time before Eddie keeps questioning him. And he is not wrong.

“How far did you go with the training…”

“I drop on request after Phase 1”

“Why?”

“Why did I leave”

“Yeah”

Now, it’s Buck’s turn to take a deep breath, and then he realizes he needs to buy himself so time to find a way to put things into words. That beer sounds like a good idea, so he just gets up and grabs two, doesn’t even care if Eddie is going to drink his, he just needs to find the words. And the beer is a nice thing to keep his eyes away from Eddie.

By the time he is back at Eddie’s side with the beer, he thinks he is somehow ready to have this conversation.

“You know how it is. They want people who can flip a switch in their heads and turn off every natural, human instinctive emotion in their body, and I cannot do that. I don't want to do that.”

Eddie doesn’t answer right away, but he does put his hand on Buck’s shoulder, as he usually does when he wants to get his attention or wants to comfort him. And it is comforting, and warm and a million little things Buck doesn’t want to feel, at least not at that moment, when they are having such a heavy conversation. He is showing a side of himself that he isn’t sure Eddie will like, and he is not done. He owes Eddie that much 

“But when I went to that apartment… I was able, man… I don’t know how, but I just become…” Buck struggles to find the perfect word, but thankfully for him, Eddie gives it to him

“Soulless”

“I was gonna say machine, but yeah…that is better”

“And you got scared”

“I always did” because that wasn’t the first time that that side of himself had come out to play. That was a Buck he buried so deep inside him he never named it, he never acknowledged it, no until now.

“Why?”

“I was afraid I would never come back” Buck answers after a few more seconds of uncomfortable silence. He can feel tears rolling his cheeks, but he doesn’t care. Wearing his heart on his sleeves is the way he reminds himself he is human.

“That is why you hated me”

“What?” Buck turns up his head, shocked and worried, because, no, that is not what he wants Eddie to think

“When we first meet, you were such a dick to me, and you always talked about the silver heart and the soldier thing, and I thought you were jealous, but you weren’t, were you?”

“Eddie…”

“Buck, be honest, please… You have already…”

“I was jealous okay?”

“Okay… But?”

“You are right…”

“About”

“When I heard you were in Afganistan, and you had a silver heart… I… I…”

“Buck, please, tell me, I swear to god I won’t be mad…”

“I wouldn’t bet on that Eddie… When I heard you were a soldier, I realized, you know how to flip that switch, you had to do that in a daily basis for a long time just to be able to do the things you had to do… You probably had killed more people than you can count… And, first, I thought… How could I trust someone who can do those things? I mean, civilians know that kind of things about soldiers, but I do know, you know what I mean”

“So, you basically thought I was a soulless killer”

“No… Okay… Yeah,” he admits ashamed of himself. Hee has never been proud of his first reaction to Eddie, he needs to make him understand so he grabs Eddie’s wrist forcing him to face him and look at his eyes before he starts talking again

“But then you said you were a doctor, and I got to know you… and Chris, and you with Chris… I realized I was wrong, so, so wrong…”

“You know, you are not that wrong Buck”

“Yes I am Eddie because you are a good man, you take care of everybody, your son, your Abuela, and even me, and god, I’m high maintenance, but you always have my back, everybody’s back…  and you would never hurt another living being…”

“You mean I would never go street fighting and almost kill someone just because I had some issues… Oh wait”

“Come in man, you were in a back place…”

“I could have killed him”

“But you didn’t, instead of that you called the 911, even though it could have had terrible consequences for you… You could have lost everything, including Christopher, but you did it because you are not a killer… You were a soldier, there is a difference”

“Is there?”

“Yes, I’ve always known there is a difference, you know… It’s just me who is too emotional to keep the line without crossing it… You are better than me…”

“Not too much better”

“Also, SEALS are so much than Army, you know that…”

“Hey…”

They laugh and fall in silence again, drinking and keeping themselves deep in thought, without looking at each other

They both are a mess, the conversation has them in tears, now dried out so their eyes are puffy, and they look as terrible as they feel. But the banter and the jokes are familiar territories, a way to get back to be Buck and Eddie, best friends. They can get back to that, the easy friendship, they will just add the new layers and forget this conversation existed, never talk about it even though it gives them something new about each other. And that is Buck’s intention, the puppy eyes might no work with his best friend, but jokes and banter always do..

“So when you said you could take me, you were actually right” 

Buck turns up his gaze to look at his friend, hoping it’s a joke to follow the lead, but it doesn’t seem like that. There is something dark and dangerous in the way that Eddie is looking at him, and he should probably feel wary about it, but he doesn’t. 

The air around them changes, with that electricity that sometimes comes between them and they always choose to ignore, however, this time, it doesn’t look like Eddie wants to ignore it, and Buck? He doesn’t know. 

There are so many reasons, good reasons, that have held him down. Christopher is the main because Buck can’t stop thinking about how the kid he loves so much could get hurt if this thing doesn’t work between him and Eddie. It’s not the only reason, there are their jobs, and their feelings, and all those unanswered questions like are they even on the same page? and what if they are not? what if they are but it doesn’t work out? It could destroy their friendship, and put their job in danger 

He could make a joke, of course, he has a few of them in the back of his mind, and Eddie would probably take the hint, go back to look at him with fondness and nothing more, and they could get back to the denial place where they have been living for so long, since the tsunami, probably before that

Buck licks his lip, and Eddie follows the movement with his eyes. The blonde one knows how it works, he has done that kind of movement all his life to get whatever he wanted, sex, a drink, a job… But this time, he wasn’t aware of what he was doing, and Eddie’s reaction takes him by surprise. It only makes the atmosphere more oppressive, and he wonders how is that he can breathe. 

The youngest of the two is suddenly aware of everything Eddie related, the way the bottom-up shirt clings to his sculpted body, the way his tight is pressing against his tight, the messy hair and the wet quality in his eyes that makes the darkness and the lust feel more real and deep, taking his breath away.

Eddie is waiting, and he knows is up to him, his friend will wait for him, it’s his choice now.

And isn’t that a kick in the ass. What should he do? He knows what he wants to do, but he is not sure he should…

He bites his lips, and it’s just a nervous tic, but Eddie keeps looking at his mouth, and he isn’t even trying to hide the hunger and the thirst anymore

A voice inside Buck’s brain starts yelling at him, to do something, anything, and suddenly he understands. They can’t get back from this, Eddie has already made it clear, and it will always be there, in the back of their mind. 

If he does nothing, it will become the biggest what could have been and never was of his life

He hates those

With an animalistic groan, Buck grabs Eddie’s shirt collar and forces him to get closer. The kiss is like nothing he ever imagined. It isn’t soft or shy, it’s dirty and desperate, all tongues and teeth and fighting for dominance, and it’s a surprise when Eddie gives up and lets him take the lead.

They can’t get enough of each other, they kiss and touch everything they can get a hold of, but they need more, so much more. They start to trust into each other, and Buck doesn’t know who started it, he doesn’t even care he is going to cum in his pants like a horny teenager. He needs it, he is so hard and the feel of Eddie’s dick against his, as hard as his, is such a relief for the desperate thirst he is feeling.

He tries to focus on the feeling of Eddie, his smells, the sounds he is making, but he needs more than anything is to see Eddie’s face, to know Eddie is feeling the same things he is feeling too. 

He changes the angle, just to make the friction a little bit more exquisite, which provokes the most sensual moan falling from Eddie ‘s mouth, and Buck thinks he could spend his entire life trying to get that sound from the beautiful man under him. 

Eddie’s face is a piece of art. He is blushing, with that pinky tone people skin get when they are in extasis, his lips are red and puffy, as a result of the biting, sucking and licking he has endured because Buck can’t get enough of him. His eyes are closed and he keeps chanting Buck’s name, and harder and faster, and everything coming from him sounds like a prayer and an order at the same time… Buck obliges because he would give him the moon if he could. 

They become a mess of moans, groans, and whimpers and Buck knows Eddie is getting there because his movements become more erratics and desperate and the sounds he is making are louder and needier. 

Eddie cums with Buck’s name in his mouth and Buck follows him suit with a desperate shout, burying his face in Eddie’s crock of his neck

They stay like that for a while, they are a wreck, and they need to talk. But he feels confident, he has seen it in Eddie’s eyes, the same things he has been feeling for a long time.

“I love you” he whispers, because he needs to, wants him to know. Eddie kisses him desperate as if what they’ve just done wasn’t enough. And Buck knows it isn’t

“I love you too, Buck, so much” 

Buck is still on top of Eddie, they both are dirty with sweat, saliva, and cum, but it doesn’t matter, they finally are where they wanted to be