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Why Love Akumas Are Banned

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Marinette was dead, that was the only explanation.

 

She must have died on the way to school, probably by tripping and falling into traffic.

 

That was the only explanation for why Adrien Agreste was kissing her.

 

She was very clearly dead and this had to be the afterlife. Because she was pretty certain that Adrien suddenly walking up to her and quite literally sweeping her off her feet was not something that would happen in her life. Well, not happen and and still let her survive at any rate. So this must be some sort of afterlife.

 

The only question was whether this was heaven or hell?

 

Maybe she could figure it out once her brain started working, but she was distracted by the sheer surprise of the matter and all the rather pleasant sensations it came with.

 

Very pleasant…and warm…with arms holding her close and hands that were gentle yet sturdy and keeping her stable when her legs felt like they were going to give out. One arm was wrapped around her waist and the other bracing her upper back as she was held back into a dip and that might explain why her feeling of gravity was off because wow her head was spinning and oh—he sucked on her lip like an expert to make her gasp and…that was tongue. Hi, tongue. Please do invite yourself in.

 

Should she kiss back? Or wrap her arms around his neck and draw him closer? She really wanted him closer.

 

Maybe this was heaven? A reward in the afterlife for all the city-saving and kind things she’s done? Or maybe this was all in her head—not that she cared as long as she didn’t have to leave.

 

Because this…this was kind of nice.

 

Or it would be if not for that screeching sound interrupting her heaven.

 

“GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF HIM!”

 

It sounded like a screaming Chloe.

 

“MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG! HOW DARE YOU?!”

 

Ah. This must be hell then.

 

“Of all the things you’ve done, forcing yourself on Adrien is a new low for you!” Chloe screeched. Though for as loud as she was, it was admittedly a bit hard for Marinette to actually pay attention to anything Chloe was saying in favor of the delectable feeling of Adrien’s lips on her own.

 

“Hey, Marinette was just standing there!” Alya exclaimed from nearby, sounding bewildered but amused. “Adrien’s the one who came and started…THAT!”

 

THAT was the aforementioned lip-locking and Marinette was pretty sure all of her blood was rushing to her face by this point.

 

“We should probably separate them before Marinette’s head explodes.”

 

No! Who cares if her head explodes, let her die happy!

 

Unfortunately, several hands interrupted her dream and she soon found herself separated from the warmth and happiness. Instead, she was pulled away, completely dazed and only barely aware of the two sets of hands holding her in place to keep her from falling over.

 

“Marinette! Are you okay?” Someone small and blonde asked, worriedly. Rose? Marinette wanted to reassure her, or she would have if her brain was in any working order to form the words.

 

“Uh…” 

 

What even were words?

 

“Poor girl is shell shocked.” Alya muttered, sympathetically. The other girls nodded in understanding—sans Chloe, who was turning rather red.

 

“Adrien, what the hell?” Kim demanded as he and Alix both glared at the blond.

 

Said blond glared right back. “What? We were having a moment.”

 

“You don’t have a ‘moment’ by just walking up and locking lips with someone!” Alix insisted.

 

“But Marinette isn’t just someone!” Adrien insisted. “She’s the love of my life and of course I’m going to show her such!”

 

And if the kiss didn’t completely mess up her orientation to reality, that certainly would have. Because Adrien loved her! Adrien! Her! Love! Together! And then they can get married and have three children and a hamster named—

 

Ivan looked back and forth between the two. “But I thought Marinette was just a friend to you?”

 

Luckily, Marinette was still too off kilter to really take in that dose of reality.

 

“Of course not!”

 

The others looked incredulous.

 

“Marinette?”

 

Someone was poking her in the cheek.

 

“Muh?”

 

Alya sighed. “I think that’s the best we’re going to get out of her for now. But I need answers.” She spun on the only potential source of information still capable of understandable and coherent speech.

 

Maybe this wasn’t the afterlife? Maybe she was just dreaming?

 

Marinette completely zoned out, still caught up in…whatever had just happened. She was dreaming, right? But if she was dreaming, that meant reality was going to be barging in and trying to wake her up soon. Then she’d be denied further kisses and happiness and probably forget all about this!

 

Nooooo…

 

Please don’t let her wake up!

 

So out of it, she didn’t even notice the argument ensuing between the girls and Chloe as they tried to keep the “Princess” from assaulting her, or the boys and Adrien as they tried to keep him from continuing to ravish her. Or even everyone and Lila when she arrived on the scene and started making accusations that Marinette was probably better off not having heard.

 

“She obviously planned this!”

 

“Guh.”

 

Breathing is nice. She needs to do more of that.

 

Alix stared blankly at Lila. “I don’t think she’s in a state to have planned anything.”

 

“She’s taking advantage of him! He’s clearly under some sort of spell!” Lila insisted.

 

“Well, what with that akuma running around…”

 

THAT snapped her out of her fugue.

 

“Wait—what?”

 

Alya looked a bit guilty. “Yeah, there’s an akuma running around and zapping people.” She winced, seeing Marinette’s expression. “Making them…fall in love…”

 

“It’s not a spell!” Adrien insisted, angrily. “So would you let me get back to her?”

 

“No way man. Better safe than sorry.” Kim replied, keeping himself as a buffer between them even though he certainly didn’t sound any happier about it. “Wait until the akuma’s dealt with and see if you still feel the same then.”

 

An…akuma?

 

And just like that, all happy feelings were gone. Like a mirror shattered with the baseball of reality and she was left with an empty board full of broken dreams and lost potential. Because Adrien HADN’T just kissed her because he liked her. He’d done it because an akuma made him.

 

Which immediately put a damper on her “dream” as elation gave way to heartache.

 

Oh, and rage.

 

Hello, rage. What fun we shall have together.

 

“I have to go!”

 

“Wait—Marinette?”

 

“Hold on! Marinette, come back!”

 

But not even Adrien’s pleas could deter her.

 

No.

 

She’d been granted the whole undivided romantic attention of the boy she’s been crushing on. The one thing she’s been wanting for the past year aside from Hawk Moth to give up and stop terrorizing Paris. And now she’s gotten the former as a result of more antics from the latter.

 

Yeah. She deserves this.

 


 

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just the news. I’m reporting live from the scene of the latest akuma attack where things have taken a…rather unusual turn.”

 

“YOU!”

 

“Who the hell are you?!”

 

“YOU CHANGE HIM BACK! YOU CHANGE HIM BACK RIGHT NOW!”

 

“GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!”

 

“YOU WANT TO TOY WITH A GIRL’S FEELINGS?! I’LL MAKE YOU A TOY AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!”

 

“OH GOD WHY?!”

 

“HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE!”

 

“HAWK MOTH! TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK!!!

 

“DON’T YOU RUN FROM ME! I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!”

 

“I REGRET EVERYTHING!”