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Bonjour, Kamijo

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The dazzling white sun bounced back off the window of the cake shop, making it difficult to properly see the rows of delicious slices of cake that were on offer. But that didn’t stop the blond-haired man standing outside.

 

«Bien. Très bien» boomed Kamijo enthusiastically, before reaching forward and grabbing the croissant-shaped doorknob. His white ruffled sleeves slipped down over his wrists as he entered the shop, his long rose-covered black coat trailing behind him.

 

“Hi, may I help you?” asked the woman behind the counter. Actually, it wasn’t really a woman. It was Bou from An Café. After leaving the band, he’d set up his own café. But Kamijo was too engrossed in speaking French to notice.

 

« Bonjour, honey. Un gâteau avec des framboises, s’il vous plaît » responded Kamijo, flashing his pearl-white teeth as he smiled.

 

“I’m sorry, love, I have no idea what you just said to me,” said Bou, trying not to let the awkwardness show on his face.

 

« Les gâteaux, ils sont trop délicieux » sighed Kamijo happily, pointing at the raspberry-flavoured cake at the bottom of the case.

 

“You want one of these raspberry cakes?” asked Bou somewhat reluctantly.

 

« Oui, ce gâteau, s’il vous plait» confirmed Kamjo.

 

Bou picked out the slice and turned to pack it in the box, finally able to hide the confusion on his face.

 

« Merci beaucoup ! » grinned Kamijo as Bou handed over the boxed-cake.

 

“You’re welcome,” replied Bou, stony-faced.

 

*

 

“Oh my god, it’s Kamijo!” squealed Kaya, pointing enthusiastically. Juka let out a scream, before the two of them almost fell over in excitement as they sprinted over to him.

 

« Bonjour, mes chéris» said Kamijo dramatically.

 

“Bonjour, Kamijo!” they responded eagerly.

 

« Les nuages, ils sont très beaux» sighed Kamijo happily, staring up at the sky.

 

“Um… what?” replied Kaya.

 

“Can you sign our notebooks?” asked Juka.

 

« Oui, oui. Vous savez que j’aime des roses ? »

 

The two just stared blankly back. But their expressions changed as he started to sign the notebooks.

 

“Wow, Kamijo, thank you so much!”

 

But Kamijo shook his head.

 

«Non, il faut dire « merci »»

 

That much they understood.

 

“Merci, Kamijo!”

 

“Merci!”

 

« Le français, c’est merveilleux » muttered Kamijo to himself, as he wandered off into the sunset.

 

*

 

After night had fallen, the vampires rose from their slumber. The visual kei world contained countless vampires, but it was a piece of cake for them to blend in considering their costumes. As a result, no-one knew who the vampires were. Regardless of which people were vampires, this night was not a night for vampires. Moreover, it was the night of the children.

 

It wasn’t long before Kamijo encountered Asagi, the long-haired vocalist of D. The two met under the moonlight, deep in the forest. Asagi was dressed completely with white, a crown of flowers resting on his head.

 

“Ah, Kamijo, I have a thorn to pick with you,” began Asagi. “A rose thorn to be precise.”

 

« Je ne comprends pas » responded Kamijo simply, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

 

Asagi sighed, looking frustrated.

 

“Look, D have been around longer than Versailles. Much longer. And roses were our thing before they were yours.”

 

Suddenly Kamijo’s ears perked up.

 

« Des roses ? J’adore des roses, comme j’adore la heroine du Versailles »

 

“Yes, Kamijo, roses. They were ours first, not yours.”

 

« Nous sommes des roses de Versailles. Et vous êtes le septième rose »

 

“You can’t just dodge conversations by speaking French, Kamijo.”

 

« L’oiseau bleu ? »

 

Asagi had to stop himself from swearing. He spun around, annoyed that he had brought this upon himself. Did he seriously think that there was any way of talking sense into a man that claimed he shat rose petals?

 

*

 

As Kamijo made his way back to civilisation, he realised that he had just walked past Gackt’s private gym. He decided to pop in and say bonjour.

 

« Bonjour ! Bonsoir, Gackt ! Tu es vampire ? »

 

“Oh, hey Kamijo,” responded Gackt, taking a break from weightlifting to eat a fancy banana. “Haha, I gave up on all that vampire stuff a while ago.”

 

« Tu n’es pas vampire ? C’est triste, ça ! Tu es Mizérable ? »

 

Gackt looked somewhat uncomfortable.

 

“Ah, I kind of gave up on the French-thing too. Say, would you like to try weightlifting?”

 

Kamijo looked his head and stared at the weightlifting bench with disgust.

 

« Mais c’est trop lourd pour un rose, non ? »

 

With that, Kamijo spun on his heel and threw dozens of rose petals in the air, making his exit as dramatic as possible.

 

*

 

« Bonjour, Mana ! »

 

Kamijo spotted Mana in the local graveyard. He was dressed as a nun and was in the middle of a photoshoot. Mana gave him a nod of acknowledgement before turning his attention back to the camera.

 

« Moi, j’aime les roses rouges. Et toi, tu aimes les roses bleus »

 

« Mais c’est clair qu’il est occupé ? »

 

Kamijo spun around and found himself face-to-face with Yu~ki from Malice Mizer, who was dressed like Dracula as usual. Kamijo gave him a smile, which Yu~ki did not return.

 

« Bonjour, Yu~ki ! Tu aime les roses ?»

 

« Presque que toute le monde aime les roses, Kamijo. Mais j’ai une question pour toi. A l'exception des roses et des choses du Versailles, peut-tu courrement parler francais ? »

 

Kamijo stared back blankly for a few seconds before responding.

 

« Bonjour, honey »

 

« N’importe quoi... ouais, bonjour honey »

 

Kamijo let out an audible sigh of relief as he watched Yu~ki turn into a bat and leave. Once again, the illusion that he could speak French remained intact. At least in his eyes it did.

 

Meanwhile, Yu~ki flew away as fast as his bat wings could carry him. He had no time to waste on the likes on Kamijo. Besides, it had been too long since he’d last fed. Perhaps tonight he could indulge in Gackt’s vanilla-flavoured blood…

 

FIN