The Avengers were all seated around the kitchen table eating breakfast when Loki walked out of Tony’s bedroom, green eyes flashing with rage. Somehow, the fact that he was wearing one of Tony’s faded black t-shirts and baggy sweatpants with his hair sticking up at odd angles didn’t detract from his menacing presence. “Stark!” he snapped loudly, storming into the kitchen. “What did you do with it?”
Tony turned from where he was making coffee, an incredibly fake innocent smile plastered all over his face. “What did I do with what, honey?”
Loki growled, grabbing Tony by his neck and slamming him into the fridge with his feet dangling almost a foot off the ground. “I am not in a mood for your games.”
“Loki!” Thor objected, standing at the act of violence. “Put the Man of Iron down.”
Loki rolled his perfectly green eyes. “It’s Iron Man, you insufferable oaf. Are you really incapable of getting that through your thick skull? Better yet, you could even call him by his actual name.”
“Considering you were just calling me Stark, I’m not sure you get to talk, Reindeer Games,” Tony managed. He was holding his own weight with his hands on Loki’s arm to relieve the pressure on his neck.
Loki growled again, turning his attention back to the insufferable mortal. “Where is it, Anthony ?” he asked again, very purposefully using his full name.
Tony paused. “The sex appeal works better when you’re not almost choking me to death.”
Loki’s lips twisted in a smirk. “Are you quite certain? Because I don’t seem to recall you complaining last time.”
Natasha and Clint both groaned while Steve blushed furiously, his eyes locked on the eggs on his plate. Bruce just sipped at his tea, and Thor looked oblivious.
Tony glared, but whatever he was going to say was interrupted by Loki leaning up and whispering in his ear.
This went on for a good five minutes. Steve shifted uncomfortably in his seat at least nine times, while Clint cleared his throat another three. Natasha just smirked and went back to her food. Bruce sipped his tea. This time, Thor actually seemed to have a vague understanding of what was happening, and he sat back down, looking almost as uncomfortable as Steve.
It got worse when Tony let out a soft moan and noticeably started trying to angle his hips to push against Loki’s leg.
“Boys,” Natasha suddenly scolded, “you’re going to make Steve loose his breakfast.”
“Just a moment, Ms. Romanoff,” Loki responded pleasantly. He removed his body from Tony’s, who let out a frustrated groan and glared at the god. “Where did you put it, Anthony?”
Tony muttered something incoherent.
“What was that?’
“It’s in the bathroom. Jarvis will tell you where.”
Loki smiled and released Tony, petting his hair with the same hand that had just been wrapped around his neck. “Thank you, Anthony.” Then he moved away, further into the kitchen.
Everyone looked confused, Tony not least of all.
“I don’t. . . aren’t you gonna go get it?”
“I don’t need it at the moment,” Loki responded simply, “and I’m hungry.” He grabbed a banana from the counter and started peeling it with precise movements.
Tony looked pissed. “But-” He stopped momentarily and then slipped up behind Loki and wrapped his arms around the god. “Didn’t we have plans?” One would have to be either deaf or Thor to miss the innuendo.
Loki turned around in Tony’s arms, smiling down at him lasciviously. “We did,” he confirmed, “but then you stole something of mine. My plans have changed.” He slipped effortlessly from Tony’s grasp and went to lean against the counter closer to the Avengers’ table, ignoring Tony’s indignant spluttering.
“Loki,” he whined, only to have his protests abruptly cut off as Loki sucked the entire banana into his mouth.
Everyone just kind of froze, not really wanting to watch, but unable to look away, as Loki proceeded to give a very thorough and impressive blowjob to the fruit. Not even Thor seemed to be quite able to miss the implications, and he and Steve blushed rather like schoolgirls, both of them swallowing hard several times. Clint wasn’t quite able to hide his wide eyes, and even Natasha looked impressed with the skill demonstrated. Bruce smirked and finally stopped sipping his tea, enjoying the reactions of the others.
Tony lasted about three minutes before walking over and pulling the banana away from him. “New rule,” he growled, “you are never, ever allowed near a banana again.”
Loki laughed softly as Tony leaned up and kissed him fiercely.
Clint watched them for a moment and then shook his head. “Damn,” he breathed, “now I’m almost jealous.”
“Of which one?” Natasha asked, all innocence.
Tony was trying to pull Loki towards their bedroom, but Loki wasn’t having it. Instead, he steered Tony towards a free seat and pushed him into it somewhat forcibly, putting a plate in front of his face and gesturing to the food. “Eat,” he commanded.
Tony looked at the plate, past the plate at his clearly tented sweatpants, and then disbelievingly up at the god. “You cannot be serious.”
Loki smiled gently, leaned down, and kissed the side of his head. “Eat,” he whispered again before grabbing the banana off of the counter and taking the seat next to Tony. He actually ate it properly this time, not that it still wasn’t distracting and a bit obscene at times.
Tony looked seriously unhappy until Loki rolled his eyes and said, “How exactly do you plan on doing anything else today if you don’t keep your energy up?”
Tony narrowed his eyes at the god. “So. . . we are doing something else today?”
Loki smiled, and it was full of many promises. “Not if you don’t eat.”
Tony stacked his plate up high.
There was silence for a few moments as they all ate in silence, and then Steve suddenly muttered, “Excuse me,” and left the table. His movements were very hurried, but not quite fast enough to hide his own too-tight pants from the sharp eyes of the those around him.
Loki and Tony shared a stunned look and then burst into laughter, more than a little because of the look of sheer horror and mortification that had been on the Captain’s face.
Clint joined in on the laughter, while even Bruce and Natasha cracked a smile.
“Just because of that, I forgive you,” Tony said breathlessly when he could talk again, the uproarious laughter having died down to chuckles.
Loki rolled his eyes, but didn’t protest. Instead, he popped the remainder of the banana into his mouth.
Thor looked around at his still smiling and giggling companions. “I do not understand; why was Captain Rogers’ exit amusing?”
They all stared at him for a moment and then burst out laughing again.