JJ's allergy medicine? Check.
Birth control? Check.
Joff's favourite tie? Check.
Plane tickets? Check.
The courage to get inside the plane? Nowhere to be seen.
It's definitely going to be a trip down memory lane, which Sansa dreads given the fact that not all memories are good, especially the last one, the one who matters most.
It's going to be like that day all over again, when she heard those words that she could never reciprocate, not to that person at least, not in the way she wanted the most. In a way that single event is what brought Sansa here, to this house, this marriage, this person she is. She would be lying if she said that hearing that all those years ago didn't affect her, it did and that's the scariest part of it all, Sansa wasn't like that, she isn't like that, she couldn't stay back home and face that uncertainty, so she left, took a plane and swore to never look back again, she ran when she should've stayed, she left her when she needed Sansa, she was a coward. Still is.
And now it's all coming back to her, the past never stays in the past, Sansa should know better than that. A letter two weeks ago and ever since then things have never been the same will never be the same. In two days everyone Sansa once called friend will gather in their old high school, in the gym they once despised, they'll all laugh and look back at the old days, they'll bring back the children they used to be, for just one night they'll all forget about the adults they are now. It's supposed to be fun, welcoming, a night for all the nights that went by, that must be what everyone's thinking, everyone but Sansa.
She can't do any of that, can't allow herself to smile, not when she'll be there. Margaery Tyrell.
She still owns her an answer after all. Deep down Sansa knows what she'll say, want she wants to say.
But you'll never hear those words coming out of her mouth.
They'llleave in half an hour, five more and they'll be in Winterfell, just another day and Sansa will come face to face with the ghosts of the past, with her. It's always her.
The face of her nightmares, the face of her dreams.
"Do you need help, honey?" Sansa's so trapped in the past that not even hearing Joffrey's, her husband, sickening voice makes her flinch.
That's saying something.
"N-no, I'm...it's all done, my love." He's not, never was.
This marriage is a farce, just like the person Joffrey build in these last few moments.
If someone were to look at them now they would say Joffrey's a devoted husband utterly smitten by his wife, little do they know that just months ago he was dragging Sansa by the hair, cursing her, marking her pale skin with ugly bruises, breaking her spirit. There's always so much than meets the eye, Sansa learned that the hard way.
Would it be different if she had spoken ten years ago?
She asks that herself every single day
"I've already called the cab, it should be here in ten minutes."
"Can you make sure JJ is ready?" Sansa asks Joffrey, she just wants him gone.
This new him always leaves her on edge, before he was a brutal monster but a predictable one. She always knew when the next blow would come, what would the next insult be, she had to learn so she could keep her tears at bay. Now, now Joffrey has changed, it's been my months since he last hit her, weeks since he screamed at her face for no reason, just because he could. He isn't like that anymore, if Sansa allowed herself to believe she could even say that Joffrey actually cares, that the love she once thought it was real it's indeed that, for almost five months she's known nothing but compliments and adoration, gifts and love gestures, but for ten years she also knew nothing but pain and hatred, loss and despair.
Joffrey hasn't changed one bit, he just came up with some new twisted game to get to her, to leave her crazy, walking on eggshells, he wants Sansa to let her guard down because she has become good at hiding her fears. She doesn't cry anymore, doesn't fight back, she's become docile as a lamb and for a man like Joffrey, a man who feeds of fear, who rejoices in the pain of others, that's the worst thing someone can do to him, it's his weakness.
It's the beginning all over again, he's making Sansa fall for him as she once did, he's trying to blind her with a love that isn't there, he wants her back, that scared and meek thing Sansa Stark used to be. Much to her shame, there are days Sansa falls for it, for the perfect husband and the perfect family, only because it's easier than to face the truth.
She once loved someone, truly.
"Of course, honey." And like that, Sansa gets her wish.
He's gone, only the pictures that belong in her head remain. They never leave.
Her life is a tragedy, she's miserable, it's been years since a truly genuine smile has graced her face. Sansa Stark is merely existing, counting the days until her last one.
Why would someone subject themselves to such faith?
Well, the answer is quite simple. Yes, it's a horrible life, but it's safe, at least trapped in this loveless marriage, Sansa doesn't have to face what she is, what she wants to be but cannot be.
Ten years ago she was left with a choice, she made one and it brought her here. There's not much to tell, she met Joffrey when he came to visit her family in Winterfell, he was sweet and caring, Sansa wanted to be loved and the person she wanted that from could never be, so she picked Joffrey, it's what her family wanted, what was easier. By the time she realized how selfish that sounded, how cruel it was even for Joffrey himself, Sansa was in to deep, she was already living in the lion's den, with a diamond ring on her finger and a wedding set for June. By the time Joffrey showed his true colours, Sansa was already nearing her nine months, she had grown to love the child that had taken root in her womb, the only thing she'll never be able to hate Joffrey for. JJ, her son, her reason to exist, is what kept her here, what makes her get up from her bed every single morning and face this gruesome world. Sansa was twenty three years old, alone in a foreign city, surrounded by the Lannisters, with their "heir" growing in her, she was left no other choice but to stay. Leaving would mean leave JJ behind and Sansa rather die than to ever come close to that possibility.
Her son is what keeps her alive, she's not happy but she has JJ and that's enough, it will always be enough. There's nothing she wouldn't do for him, being with a monster is a price she'll gladly pay for it. It's also why she hasn't picked the phone and called that one person yet if she does she'll lose everything, she'll lose her baby boy.
A mother's love is stronger than no other.
"When is am I going to see snow?" JJ asks as soon as they get to the airport.
It's all he can seem to say for days now, he's probably the only one excited about this trip, Joffrey hates the North with a passion and Sansa just wants to forget about it.
"Soon, buddy. You'll see so much snow you'll get tired of it." Joffrey says as he picks JJ
He might be lying about everything else, but not even Sansa can't deny the love he has for his son. A blessing and a curse of sorts. JJ will never know the true person his father is, for that Sansa's forever grateful, but it also means she'll never be able to pull them apart, her son doesn't deserve to suffer because of her selfishness.
"Can we play in the snow, momma?"
"As soon as we get there, baby." Sansa can't help but smile at the way JJ scrunches his nose at the title. He's already a "big boy" at five.
Luckily, he doesn't have the Lannister look, her son is a Stark through and through, a carbon copy of his uncle Robb or Rickon for that matter. It's a shame her dad was never around to meet him, Ned Stark would've loved him, he would've saved Sansa.
That's one of the reasons why it's so hard to go back home, ever since her father died seven years ago, Winterfell hasn't felt like home. Out of all of them, her father was always the better one. He was home. He would've accepted her no matter what.
"Daddy, I need pee." JJ says as they sit waiting for the plane that will take them to Winterfell.
There's still some time left, they've already done everything that needed to be done, there's no rush.
"That's what happens when you drink too much apple juice." Joffrey's tone is soft and warm, Sansa, however, can't hear all that's left unsaid.
Even now, Joffrey still loves to criticize her for her parental decisions, giving a five year old apple juice apparently is a big no no in his book. Her husband prides himself in being a dad above average, never misses an opportunity to bring her down, his mask sometimes cracks.
"Just go with him, Joffrey." She's becoming insolent, one day that'll come back to bite her in the ass.
"Of course, honey." There it is, those green eyes filled with malice, words coated in ice.
Winterfell brings the worst in them. It's ironic given that that place was once her safe haven. Not anymore, not after that day.
Joffrey and JJ have been gone for over ten minutes now, God forgive her, but she hates her son's name, he was meant to be called Ned, that never came to be of course, like everything else in Sansa's it was beyond her reach.
Finally, alone, Sansa's mind slips out of her control and goes back to where everything started, a bathroom stall in a mall, a conversation between two shy girls that would forever change them both. Leaving the house that day is still her biggest regret, secretly it's one of the happiest days of her life. Whenever she thinks about her best friend not all memories are bad, most of them are beautiful, the first day back at school when Sansa's suspicions came true, Margaery was indeed her classmate, and in no time she became Sansa's only friend, Sansa's company during late nights, phone pranks, heartbreak, ugly crying during movies, people would often joke that Sansa and Margaery were the same, they were wrong. Margaery was always the strongest of the two, the one willing to risk everything just to be herself. The one who got away. Sansa let her go.
Lie to me.
Margaery is the part of Sansa's story that she was never able to visit, isn't able to visit. It's too painful to even try to remember those brown eyes and caramel locks, that mischievous smile, the dimples, or just Margaery herself. Sansa lost her best friend, the possibility for a thousand "what ifs". Now all the memories keep her company in this crowned airport, she's surrounded by thousands and yet Sansa never felt more alone then she is now.
As always, tears are already burning her eyes, that familiar lump in her throat that renders her breathless is much too familiar. Even more familiar than that voice she's now listening to.
It must be a dream, that, or Sansa has finally gone mad.
Their voice almost sounds the same, if she looks him in the eyes Sansa will see her.
"Sansa? Sansa Stark?" It's so tempting to keep her back turned, to ignore him and move on with her life.
It's not right, he's is not to blame for anything, he was a friend before...
Getting up, it's so hard to do so, Sansa gathers the courage to turn around.
"Loras..." She can't fight back the tears no more.
He's a mirror to her downfall.
Nothing has really changed, boy and man, stand alike, he's still as handsome as she recalls, still has the dimpled on his smile and that sparkle in his brown eyes, like his sister. His hair is short now, though the curls that had a mind of its own remain, his face is bearded and he looks more mature than before, taking a good look, Sansa can see that life hasn't been kind, beneath that smile there's sorrow, a pain she knows too well, the pain that haunts that family, a shadow that they were never able to set free. Loras is starting to resemble his own father, maybe that's why it's so hard. Mace Tyrell was their tormentor in a way, all he did was to protect his family, in the end, he destroyed them all.
"Ten years, right?" He's in pure disbelief, of course, he thought he would never see Sansa again. She made sure of it.
Loras was more than Margeary's brother if someone knows what happened is definitely him.
Does he hate Sansa for it?
Does he understand?
"Y-yes...a long time." She's the one who can't speak, can't even properly look him in the eye.
Before she can't register, stopped it, Sansa's enveloped in Loras embrace, his scent... roses. Another home, someone else.
"I've missed you." They're still hugging at this point, Sansa without even realising has succumbed to it.
He's not her, but it's a part of her.
The plane is about to leave, Sansa only has a few more minutes left, by now Joffrey's blowing smoke out of his nostrils. The moment she saw Loras, she needed to know everything, she couldn't ask about Margaery - she lost that right - but she needed something, the knowledge that her friend is well, Loras was the only one able to confirm that. So, Sansa texted Joffrey saying she was going to meet him at the boarding gate, it makes her a horrible person but so be it, she knows JJ is well, it pains her to say it but she trusts his life with Joffrey.
She had to do this, who knew when she would get another chance.
Loras mainly spoke about himself, what he has been up to since graduation. Apparently, he's a lawyer now working in King's Landing, has his own apartment and has been in a relationship for years, Sansa doesn't know with who. He left Winterfell almost immediately after finishing school, it was never his place, merely a hideout, he spent a few years in Highgarden attending college and once he got his degree he moved to the Capital, he seems happy and accomplished.
Their meeting wasn't a stroke of luck, not even a coincidence, they're here with the same purpose, the Highschool reunion.
"And what about you, what is Sansa Stark doing nowadays?" He had asked.
Sansa had a hard time at first, but she managed to tell him everything, the story she always recites to strangers of how she's in a happy marriage and has a beautiful and smart baby boy, that part she says it with pride, she'll never regret having JJ no matter the circumstances. No doubt Loras can tell she's lying, he's no stranger to Joffrey's moods, he's not fond of them either.
"Wow...I still can't believe you're here." Loras can't stop saying that. "I honestly thought you had fled to Essos." He laughs and Sansa fakes her own.
Her biggest wish is to take her son and leave this place behind, build a new life far away.
"So..." she's going to ask it, she has to or else she won't be able to make it through this trip, "how's the family?"
She doesn't miss Lora's smirk, he knows what she wants, what she's searching for.
"My brothers are all married now, my mom returned to Highgarden and has remarried, he's a nice man, " there's bitterness there, despite everything Loras does love his father, "and Marge, well who knows about Marge."
"Do you see her often?" It came out too fast, too eager.
Sansa too wears a mask, and it's slipping as well.
"I saw her at our mother's wedding, two years ago."
Two years?! Margaery couldn't stand being more than a day without talking to Loras. Panic takes hold of her, Sansa knows what's happening, she saw it only once a long time ago, this is what Margaery does when she's afraid when she's alone, it's not good.
"Why?" It's all that she cares about. All that she dreads, the answers Sansa's sure to find.
"You know her." This time there's no playfulness in his tone, it comes out almost as an accusation.
Maybe Loras blames her after all.
"I thought I did." It's a whisper, not meant for prying ears.
That last day Sansa and Margaery became strangers, sadly, they're not even that anymore.
"Me too." Loras heard her, " I barely know who she is anymore, where she is or what she's up to. She makes her own rules, her own pace. It's been years, Sansa. People change, that's the way it is." Her sadness will never compare to Loras one, something in him broke.
Sansa's the cause of it, all of it.
The worst part is that Loras already conformed himself with that, with the unknown, meaning this is beyond repair, there's no more hope. Loras has given up on Margaery, he's the last person who would ever do that.
How bad can she be?
What have I done?
"I'm so close... please don't...ohhh!" Oh...how Margaery loves the screams, it gives her purpose, it's almost like a drug to her ego. It's intoxicating.
Knowing that she has this power, that she can make someone fall like this, to have them screaming out her name for all to hear, to know her, does put a smile on Margaery's face. For years control was always out of reach, she couldn't even have a saying in her own life, the day she finally managed to break free from that curse...it doesn't matter anymore. She has the power, she makes the rules, she dominates, now. The present is all that matters.
"Don't fucking stop!"
And she wasn't, a fire could be right outside that door and Margaery would keep her head in the place it belongs, in between Heather's thighs, supping from the finest nectar know to men.
Heather, she's no stranger, Margaery isn't one to commit, monogamy doesn't appeal her at all, but she can't deny that the younger woman holds a special place in her heart, maybe that's why Margaery finds herself breaking the pattern, she and Heather met a couple of years ago while Margaery was in Wintertown doing a few odd jobs here and there, and that's when she met her, that dark-skinned goddess, they were both drunk and looking for a good time, they surely had it. So good that Margaery has lost track of the number of times she finds herself in this bed, at least once a month she makes a comeback to this town.
She keeps saying to herself that it is because Heather is good in bed, too good to miss that opportunity, but that's just her lust speaking, the worst part of herself, the cold-hearted woman she is, but deep down Margaery knows it's because Heather is slowly becoming what she once had. Something too good to be real, a happily ever after.
As soon as that thought comes, Margaery quickly dismisses it. She already had her happily ever after once, look how that turned out to be.
"Margaery! Don't fucking tease... please!" It's good to be needed, too good that it's not even healthy anymore.
However, Margaery won't stop. Her tongue was drawing lazy circles around Heather's clit, two fingers gently and slowly caressing her soaking folds up and down, teasing her entrance, every time the girl thinks Margaery will get inside of her, Margaery retrieves, always with that trademark smirk plastered all over her face. She's not new to this, whatever she does Margaery strives to perfection. She's driving Heather mad and she loves every fucking second of it, it's her little game, to see how close to the edge she can take them, to make them fall apart at her command.
A fire could definitely not stop her, but an older brother sure can.
Just as Margaery was about the give her "friend" what she desired the most, what she too desired the most, - eating Heather out has left her throbbing - her dammed phone had to ring, that ringtone is too familiar, she knows that it won't stop unless she picks up.
Great fucking timing, Loras.
It's six in the morning, Margaery hasn't slept yet, and that fool is already calling her, honestly, it's her fault, Loras has been calling her for days now and he always goes to voicemail, Margaery could to that now and just deal with the phone that won't stop ringing for hours, for some reason she doesn't want to do that now.
It's challenging to leave this bed, this woman who Margaery worships, but it's even harder to ignore Loras.
Before she can regret, Margaery just leaves the bed, Heather won't be happy about this.
"What the hell, Margaery?!" See? Not happy at all.
Marge will deal with it later. Now, she just holds a hand in the air to silence the other girl, that just gets her a pillow in the face.
"What?!" Margaery yells to the phone, she wants Loras to know she's pissed.
"Where are you?" How predictable, not even a good morning or how are you.
It's a question Margeary has grown used to, it's what they all asked, all they care about. She just wants to be free, they just want to trap her, to make her accept a life that will never be hers, a person she'll never be able to become. Once maybe, but all alone as she is it's worthless.
"Since you ask, dear brother," Loras won't fall for that, "I'm in very good company."
Behind her, Heather sniggers. She's not really mad, another of the reasons as to why Margaery can't seem to let her go, it's the fact that Heather can see where Margaery and the other person she is split.
"Are you even in the North?" God, she wishes she wasn't, Loras the one who likes this wasteland.
The beginning of the end.
"Yes, just..." a pause, as much as Margaery pretends, it still hurts, "just not in Winterfell." It was once home, it was just the two of them back then.
Back when it was perfect.
Stop! Margaery has to scream at herself, there's nothing good with visiting the past.
"Well, then get here!" Thankfully, Loras didn't notice her lapse. "I'm serious, Marge!" Again with the older brother tone.
She fucking hates it.
"Calm the fuck down!" Margaery's still too hangover for screams. "There's a day left."
"Of course she forgot," now she's really confused, Loras not making any sense, "the reunion is tonight. Saturday! Do you even listen to me?"
Oh shit, shit this is bad.
There's like no time, quickly Margaery starts trashing Heather's room looking for her clothes, she can't be late. She promised, it's probably the first good thing she's going to do in years. Everyone knows she's a train wreck, they all lost hope before she even went downhill, they saw her immerse herself with alcohol, sex and drugs and all turned their heads the other way, all but one. There's still one person in this world that still believes in her, why, she'll never know.
"It's official, she's lost her mind." Heather says in amusement, there's nothing funny about this though.
"Marge, are you still there?" Shit! Margaery completely forgets about the phone call.
"Yes...no...I mean," she definitely lost her mind, "give a few hours, I'll be there. Text me your address and all that shit."
"Okay, bye Marge. Please be here."
She hangs up after that.
The last hour, she totally ignores Heather, Margeary's more worried about finding an outfit in the girl's closet. In that time she realizes why she and Heather will never work.
It's not you, it's me. Probably one of the lamest excuses someone can use for a breakup, or pretty much everything else. For Margeary it's not an excuse, it's the brutal truth. Heather is a good person, despite all the things she does and says, she wants a relationship with someone, she wants love, like everyone else. Like Margaery, but love is out of reach, she had it once and it was fucking humiliating, she gave all of herself to one person and all she got in return was tears, not the happy kind, not the sad kind either. It was tears of regret, all because the person Margaery chose to love years ago was the only person who could never love her back.
Lie to me.
"You're leaving," Heather says, swallowing back the tears. It was never a question.
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Hello, I'm actually surprised at how fast I wrote this, meaning it's probably not that good. Anyway, here goes nothing.
Sansa and Joffrey finally reach Winterfell and the Starks have a diner to celebrate that, of course things will go south really fast. I'm not proud of the level of this chapter, but writing scenes with a lot of action and characters is a challenge for me. Hopefully it's somehow decent.
I hope you enjoy it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
They're here, Winterfell.
Home, it should feel like it. It doesn't, it hasn't for a while now, Sansa thought that coming back would fix it, that seeing the snowy roads once more would take her to her childhood, to sweeter days when everyone was still part of this world, when she knew nothing about heartache and misery, she was a summer child back then, sooner or later just like her father always promised, Winter came. It hasn't left in ten years.
As she sits here in this cab, JJ sleeping in her arms and Joffrey close to her, his hands on hers, Sansa should be delighted. In less than ten minutes she'll reunite with the family she hasn't seen in almost three years now, the moment they see her they'll laugh with joy, her mother might even weep, JJ will wake up and excitement will flow through his veins, all the while Sansa will stand there unable to reciprocate what they're given her. She wishes to, she desperately wants to enjoy this trip, this time with her beloved family, she wants to make new memories, but she knows she won't. This experience will always be tainted by the memory of another, of her.
Everywhere she looks there's something that reminds her of Margaery. The best years of her life.
What's this feeling?
It can't be love, there was never room for any of it.
Longing? Perhaps that's the right answer to her question.
She misses Margaery because her friend remembers Sansa of who she used to be. Happy.
Happiness...now, that's something that no longer exists. Who's fault is that?
"Sansa!" Her mother is the first one to hug her, she yearned for this.
Eventually found their way back home, this cosy house that for years was her little ice fortress, the playground for dreams and adventures, days spent riding bicycles and playing in the snow, fighting only to be laughing five seconds later, if Sansa knew life would turn out like this she would've cherished each and every one of those moments a bit more, she would've remained in them, in the innocence of childhood.
"I've missed you, mom." She's being honest, Sansa doesn't come often not only because of what went on.
She chooses King's Landing because she knows the longer she stays in Winterfell the more she'll want to stay for good. This place is unbearable but so is being married to Joffrey, and at least in here she can always find comfort in the embrace of her loved ones. Listening to JJ laugh with all his uncles and aunt, makes Sansa acknowledge the absurdity of her thoughts, she can make her baby live two separate lives, if she has to be in pain for is wellbeing so be it. His more important than anything in her life, he's the reason why she won't ever regret that choice all those years ago, if she had spoken those words, Sansa wouldn't have him. She lost, but she gained so much more.
She's the lucky one, this place is trying to trick her into thinking that's a lie. She's not that eighteen-year-old girl anymore, is time to move on. To forget.
"Sansa, dear, you barely touched your food." Here comes her mother's concerned voice, that she doesn't miss one bit.
They're all currently having dinner, everyone's here except Bran who's in some expedition with his girlfriend Meera, sometimes they will spend months in the deep North with friends, they're part of one of Winterfell's wildlife conservation program, and Jon, of course, is missing too, but that's because of his job in the military.
"It's been a long flight, mom. I'm a bit queasy, that's all." A lie, she's good at them by now.
Don't show. Never speak.
"Can I make you a cup of tea, at least?" This is strange, having someone worry about her.
Sansa hasn't had that in years, Joffrey doesn't give a crap if she's okay or not, most times he enjoys her suffering.
"Wow, mom! I was puking my guts the other day and you didn't even offer me a glass of water!" Arya, she hasn't changed at all.
Without even noticing, Sansa's smiling. It doesn't last long, she begins to wonder about another smile. Her father always smiled around his children. That's why this dinner feels so unnatural, it's not the same without Ned Stark here, from the corner of her eye Sansa will forever see that empty seat, no one will come back to fill it. He's gone.
"Well, Arya, that's called being drunk." Robb, her hero. She missed him the most.
He was her protector, even now Sansa knows he'd do anything to keep her safe from the monster that sits next to her, a monster who's slowly showing his true colours.
"Can we please not talk about these things in front of my son?" And just like that all the tension from before returns.
It's no secret that Joffrey hates her family with a passion, it's no secret that they feel the same way about him, either.
There's another reason why her food tastes like ashes in her mouth. Whenever Joffrey and the rest of the Stark's are together, Sansa has to walk on eggshells, she gets stuck in this limbo trying to keep the peace between both parties. In the end, Joffrey manages to keep his temper in check, in public, of course, as soon as he and Sansa are alone he lashes out. Joffrey's been the perfect gentleman for months but something tells her that by tonight she'll have the bruises that once were her daily routine.
"It was a joke, man. You know what a joke is right?" If Arya knew Sansa pays for her words, would she keep saying them?
If they knew the truth there's no way in hell that Sansa would leave this house ever again. And risk losing her son.
Don't show. Never speak.
"My son's five, he doesn't need to know about your drunken antics!" Joffrey sounds so much like a child when he raises his voice.
It looks like the old Joffrey, the real Joffrey, has returned. This won't be good.
"Joffrey, JJ is right here." Sansa whispers in his hear. Hoping to tame the beast that lives within him.
She should've known better by now.
"Exactly!" Joffrey bangs his hand in the table, at once Robb and Arya get up.
This can turn really ugly, real soon.
"Joffrey, you're exaggerating. Everyone was just having fun." It's Talissa who speaks, Robb's wife.
She and Sansa were never that close, but Sansa couldn't be more thankful for her right now.
"Stay out of this!"
No, please this can't be happening!
"Don't you dare raise your voice to my wife, you cunt!" Everyone gasps, Robb isn't like this.
Even Joffrey flinches at his tone. He's a coward who preys on the weak. He'll never be half of the man Robb is, the man her father was.
"Rickon, why don't you show JJ your videogames, I'm sure he'll love that." Catelyn Stark's face burns with anger, however, her voice is softer than the snow Sansa once loved so much.
Rickon does as he was told. He gets up and motions JJ to climb into his arms, they have a special bond. Throughout this all diner, her son's attention was directed towards Rickon and Rickon only, they kept talking about videogames and toys, her son had no idea what was going on, not a clue until Joffrey started raising his voice. Now her little boy has his eyes open wide and his bottom lip is starting to quiver already. Sansa wants to claw her hands at Joffrey's face, this knife in her hand never felt so tempting. She can endure a thousand blows and remain silence through it when it comes to her son things are different.
"No!" Joffrey can't see he's not in charge anymore. "I'm leaving this house with my family, now!" His hands are already grabbing Sansa's wrist.
It'll bruise. That doesn't go unnoticed by her mother.
"You drank in that plane, didn't you?" Catelyn's only bringing to light what Sansa hoped would remain hidden.
Truth is that Joffrey had his fair share of mini liquor bottles. He left the plane practically stumbling, he was able to disguise it for a while, not long enough though.
"What of it, hag?! Are you the one who's keeping me here?!" It takes all of her strength not to scream.
If Sansa does so, Joffrey will hit her for sure, he's beyond caring at this point, and JJ's right there.
"I guarantee you that you won't be able to do much else with a broken nose. Son of a goddamn bitch!" Arya this time tries to go for Joffrey.
Again, Talisa comes to rescue by holding her arm, her eyes go to JJ and Arya immediately stops. They all do.
JJ is sobbing in Rickon's arms, her brother clearly struggling to keep the toddler in his arms. At once she rushed to his side.
After JJ was settled down with her, still crying, Sansa reached a decision. This has to stop.
"Oh, I want to protect my son!" Arya downright mocks Joffrey. "Look at him now, dipshit, the kid's terrified!"
"Of course he is, you're all a bunch of savages!"
"Joffrey, stop! I swear to God I'll call the cops!" Sansa knows her mother isn't making idle threats.
Why did she leave King's Landing? What's the point of this stupid reunion, anyway?
See all of her high school friends and brag about how her family is perfect?
She came looking for that one person and as always that brought her chaos. Margaery Tyrell is that she's the only thing Sansa isn't in control. The only person who makes her break free from this person. The person she truly wants to be, free.
"Stop! All of you!" Sansa regrets shouting, JJ cries harder when he hears it.
"Mommy, no. I want home." It breaks her heart to see him in so much pain.
"We're going, baby." she coos, "Joffrey, my love it's been a long day, let's go to the hotel. JJ needs to rest, so do we. Thank you for everything, mom."
Sansa doesn't even wait for Joffrey, she can't look back and see the disappointment in her family's face.
Don't show. Never speak.
She won't cry now.
Later that night, as she lays in bed with Joffrey's traces all over her tights, his hands imprinted on her neck, blood dribbling down her chin, and body aching from behind fucked with such brutally, without her consent, Sansa Stark finally allows her tears to fall. Joffrey isn't in this room anymore, he left. He never stays to appreciate the damage he's made.
Sleep doesn't come easy, and when it does it's plagued with images she prays to God to forget.
"I love you, Sansa Stark." It's the last thing she remembers before her eyes close.
Loras is definitely going to be pissed at her, if he's not already, most likely her dearest brother is searching all over this God-forsaken place looking for any trace of her.
Can she blame him, though?
Today's Saturday, this stupid reunion that somehow Margeary found herself in is about to start in a couple of hours, she was supposed to meet with Loras four hours ago, Margaery hasn't even dressed or done her makeup yet, she's thinking about showing up with her leather jacket and ripped black jeans, now that would be a sight to behold. Given who she once was.
A childish fool, that's who.
Why is she even here in the first place?
That's why she needs to stop drinking and smoking pot, that shit is clouding her better judgement. When she agreed to come here she wasn't herself, honestly, she's not herself now either, but she's definitely more sober and starting to realize the shitfest she's about to witness.
Class of 09, reunion. What a joke. A night to parade about how accomplished everyone is now, how some are lawyers and doctors, living in some suburban house with a bunch of snooty kids running around throwing soup at the walls. The perfect life.
It's a all a lie, this reunion is just an excuse to run away from their boring and predictable lives, one in a lifetime opportunity to relive the days when they were all truly happy, when real life seemed so alluring. Everyone was in a rush to grow up, she wonders if they feel the same now.
Of course, they don't, life sucks. At least her does.
Being in Winterfell doesn't help it either, she once was happy here, now she's just bitter and drunk, always drunk.
Over the years, oblivion became Margaery's best friend, if she's not thinking about the past then she's not crying herself to sleep, it feels great to forget, alcohol is just one of the getaways that allow her to do that.
Is it right?
Of course not!
Does Margaery give a fuck?
You guessed it right. She doesn't.
"What brings you here?" Some girl asks, Margaery hasn't asked her name, she doesn't plan on it either.
This girl, she's blonde and has blue eyes, a beauty for sure, sat here next to her half an hour ago and they've been talking about random things, Margaery doesn't like to talk, she doesn't see any point in it, if they talk or don't the outcome will always be the same. It's obvious this girl sat here with only one thing in her mind, Margaery knows what very well, she's tempted in skipping this whole thing and find a much more comfortable place than this cheap bar at the side of the road.
"I used to live here when I was younger." Unfortunately, she did, there's nothing special about Winterfell anymore.
The only thing that made this place worth living left for King's Landing a long time ago.
"So, you got homesick?" Questions and more questions.
Why so many?
"Who the hell misses the snow?" The girl laughs. "I'm here for my high school reunion."
"Wait... did you actually graduated?" She's a funny one.
"High honours and all." Margaery decides to get a little bit more playful and rests her hand on the blonde's tight.
She waits for a reaction, she needs to know that the girl is sure about this, comfortable with the intimacy of their current situation, Margaery knows her boundaries, she won't ever push things too far. In the past she didn't know what that meant, she couldn't read the signs and that cost her everything. Two words.
"Tell me more..." That raspy and low voice tells her that her actions are more than welcome.
Margaery gets close, her lips hovering around the other girl's hear, her touch firm but gentle. She's not a brute by nature.
"I was the prom queen." The one who had it all.
Time sure flies, and them tables turn and turn.
"Oh...I've always had a thing for royals. A small fantasy of mine." Margaery feels hands on her, dangerously close to her crotch.
She's enjoying this very much. It only speaks about her character, of how low she's actually reached, how numb and uncaring she's become. Less than twenty-four hours ago she was lost in Heather's body, immersed in pleasure, and she's already seeking more of it again, this time with someone else. Always someone else and not who she truly desires.
Everyone has a dream, a fantasy. Those never come true.
"As the good queen I am, it's my duty to keep my subjects pleased." One of the many cheap and cheesy pickup lines in her book.
Her real words will always be saved for someone else. Margaery will forever remain silent.
"That's nice of you." The girl kisses her, a small peck. A promise of all that's to come. "I need to use the bathroom, why don't you pay the bill and meet me there, your Grace?"
"As my lady commands."
Margaery has already paid the bill for both of their drinks, four beers and two shots of whiskey. Now, she's just waiting for the right moment, it's not the first time she hooks up with some random stranger in a public restroom, Margaery is actually ashamed of how many times she's done it. Anyway, she can't go at once, she needs to make sure she'll have the coast clear for at least twenty minutes, how?
Paying the bartender something extra. It's crazy what a crisp fifty bill can do. She pays whoever works in the establishment and they'll say that the ladies restroom is not functioning at the moment. Simple as that.
"Nice seeing you, sister." Bastard...
She was about to pay the bartender his extra when that voice appeared. Her brother, Loras. He's already wearing one of his fancy three-piece suit, this one burgundy, he has one a black shirt and some patterned tie, his black velvet loafers definitely more expensive than her own rent. And he's currently in one of the most dangerous and nasty bars in the North, all eyes are on him, no doubt wondering what lies in his wallet. But this is Loras, even when they were broke, living of coupons and food stamps, her brother would always go above and beyond to hide it, people would look at him and wouldn't suspect that the boy in front of them was going to bed with an empty stomach.
Not much as changed, the difference is that now Loras actually has money, he loves to flaunt it.
"Greetings, brother." She says sipping her beer, she loves getting on his nerves.
"What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same. It's a miracle how your OCD hasn't started to act up, yet." Margaery has a genuine conversation at last.
This is who she is, who she used to be. The smile on Loras proves it, he knows the real her.
"Let's go, Marge." She hates that name. "We're going to be late." His eyes show affection, Margaery has to avoid her gaze.
She doesn't need that now.
"I'm kinda in the middle of something, otherwise I would gladly join you." She still hasn't forgotten about what waits for her just a few feet away.
"Something...or someone?" They have the same smirk, a family trade some might say.
Beneath it there's sadness, grief for the sister Loras no longer has.
"You promised, Marge." He doesn't let go, Margaery doesn't want it too, either.
She misses him. It's so strange, they haven't seen each other in over a year and yet, not a single hug, he doesn't even say he misses her. Margaery knows why, she understands.
Margaery doesn't let herself get attached with her flings because she doesn't want to hurt anyone. Loras doesn't treat her as he used to because Margaery always leaves in the end, she always breaks his heart.
"Since when do I keep my promises?" She's being cold, that's good.
It's been less than five minutes and she's already feeling things she once buried.
"Sansa will be there."
First things first, Sansa who's clearly in a lot of pain at the moment will eventually find her strength and will draw the line. She's also going to accept her true feelings... because it's obvious who she loves, right?
Margaery, well, this isn't the real one, yet. She seems like a really bad person but that's all part of the rouse, this is just a character that she's been building over the years.
Next chapter the reunion is finally here and things will definitely come to a turning point.
Thanks for reading.