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Malice Mizer Interview: If You Were a Fruit, What Fruit Would You Be?

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“And now, our special guests, Malice Mizer.”


The presenter spoke in a voice that was barely above a whisper. She could hardly contain her excitement as the band waltzed out onto the stage, their extravagant costumes dazzling the crowd. Beside her, she heard her co-worker chuckle, sounding quite amused. She decided to ignore him: of course, an old man like him would not understand the elegance and beauty of a band like Malice Mizer.


“Welcome to the show,” she smiled, as the people in the crowd gasped at Malice Mizer’s shocking appearance. “Please take a seat.”


As instructed, four of the members sat on the sofa. However, one person decided to sit on the floor. It was Mana, the interviewer’s favourite member. He gracefully gathered his long blue and white rose-covered skirt in his delicate lace-clad hands before slowly lowering himself down to a spot beside the sofa.


“Mana-sama, why are you sitting on the floor?” she giggled nervously, unable to hide her excitement. She was finally able to speak to him. Mana, however, did not speak back. As soon as he was asked the question, Gackt leaned forward, and Mana whispered something in his ear. Naturally, her co-worker was surprised by this, but as a huge Malice Mizer fan, she knew that Mana did not speak in public.


“Mana says that sofas are for humans, and since humans are nothing but beings of Malice and Mizery, he would like to avoid them by sitting on the floor,” explained Gackt, staring nonchalantly at his long sharp black nails.


“I see! Well, let’s start the interview. First of all, thank you for joining us on the show. We’re delighted to have such a wonderful band joining us today. Our first question is from one of our fans. If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be? Kami, would you like to speak first?”


Kami looked so flustered that his purple feathered hat almost fell off his head.


“Well, um… I like fruit, so I think I’d be… I’d be…”


“A banana?” suggested Gackt helpfully, much to Kami’s relief. “He’d be a banana because he is a monkey man. He’s always so playful.”


“Yes, a banana!” agreed Kami enthusiastically. “I’d be a banana.”


“Then if Gackt sees you as a banana, how do you see him?” asked the interviewer.


Kami froze up: he thought he’d gotten off the hook and wasn’t expecting another question. Luckily Közi came to the rescue.


“I see Gackt as a pineapple because pineapples are prickly and Gackt is a prick,” said Közi, the red ruffled collar around his neck bobbing as he nodded his head. “Those pineapples seem so defensive with their pointy leaves, and Gackt is so argumentative, and… haha, ooops.”


Közi cut off after being subtly smacked subtly in the shin by Mana. He pulled it off so well that the majority of people hadn’t noticed. The interviewer, however, who had been watching Mana like a hawk caught sight of it and mistook it as a gesture showing that he wanted to talk.


“How about you, Mana-sama? What fruit would you be?”


Once again, Mana whispered his answer into Gackt’s ear.


“Mana says that he’d be a French apricot,” conveyed Gackt. “Because he is elegant… and French.”


Underneath the heavy white makeup, Mana frowned slightly. There was much more to his answer that Gackt had failed to mention. But there wasn’t much he could do as Közi had already began speaking.


“Well, I’d be a durian,” began Közi with a smile. “I look cool from the outside, but if you slice through my flesh with a knife and cut me up into little chunks, I’m going to start smelling bad pretty quickly.”


“Oh, what a wonderful response,” said the interviewer with a nervous laugh.


“Don’t mind Közi, he just likes telling jokes,” insisted Yu~ki, running a hand through his long curly hair. “Anyway, I’d be a tomato. Not many people know that a tomato is actually a fruit and not a vegetable. On the surface, I have thick skin, but on the inside-“


“I’d be either a raspberry or a coconut,” interjected Gackt. The interviewer was so intrigued by this response that she completely forgot that Yu~ki had been speaking and turned all her attention to Gackt.


“You see, it depends on who is eating the fruit,” explained Gackt, his eyes twinkling. “Say, if I was the one eating the fruit, then I’d go with raspberry, My mouth would fill with redness as I devoured it, as though I was drinking your blood. And if you were the one eating the fruit, then I’d pick a coconut. Because once you indulge in me, your mouth would be filled with my white… milk.”


This was too much for the interviewer. Her cheeks flushed red and she struggled to get her words out.


“Well, Malice Mizer, everyone! Thank you once again for your interview. We hope to have you back again sometime.”


And with that, Malice Mizer stood up, towering above everyone with their huge platform shoes. Gackt showered the people in the front row with rose petals before the five of them swanned dramatically off the stage.