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Life is like a box of chocolates

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“I’m home!”

“Welcome back dear!”

“Yo, Sasuke!”

The door slams shut, Sasuke kicking off his shoes, brushing the snow off his shoulders. Strolling into the living room, he rolls his eyes at the sight of Obito lounging on the couch—bent over the armrest and grinning at his phone like a madman. Peeking over, Sasuke caught the familiar icon of a redhead, before slumping on the loveseat opposite.

Throwing a half-hearted greeting to the kitchen, he pulls a small box out of his backpack, setting it to the side, before taking out several textbooks, and starting to do homework, as he did each time he was forced to spend time with his cousin. Mandatory family bonding? Just ugh.

The smell of boiling bones and miso drifts out of the kitchen, warming the heart. His mind, similarly, wanders, out of the house, down the street, into the arms of a girl he knows well. The navy box finds its way back into his hand, wrapped in dark blue matte paper, a pale ribbon, and a card signed with a simple yet shaky heart.

Of course Sakura had been nervous. Hadn’t she?

As if sensing the sentimental moment, Obito rolls over onto his back, snapping a photo of Sasuke and forwarding the same.

LOOK AT MY CUTE COUSIN ΣOAO!!! 

His phone buzzes.

Sasori: Cuter than me?

Obito immediately blanches, furiously typing, 

Obito: Not as cute as you
Obito: Like, you’re a different kinda cute
Obito: Like, the sexy kinda cute, yknow?

His phone buzzes again. How so?

The kind that he absolutely can’t entertain around his innocent baby cousin! Oh no, oh Kami, banish the thought! 

“So, Sasuke,” Obito changes the subject. “How was school?”

Oblivious to his cousin’s emotional turmoil, Sasuke thinks for a second, remembering soft, petal lips, blooming into a smile. Her hand brushed her light hair back behind her ears, green eyes peeking up at him from under shy eyelashes.

Sasuke had tucked away the box, offering his hand.

“Come on.” He jerked his head towards the fire escape. “We’re ditching.”

Nothing I’m gonna tell him, Sasuke acerbically thinks. “Fine, I guess.” He shrugs, as teenagers do, before throwing a small box at his cousin, Obito squeaking as it hits him square in the face, cracking open and spilling chocolates across the couch.

Bullseye. Sasuke smirks. “Catch,” he dryly adds.

“Sasuke, what the hell!”

“Language,” Mikoto calls. 

Obito winces. “But, auntie—!” 

“No buts!”

“You know what dad says,” Sasuke taunts, lip curling cruelly. “‘Hold your tongue or lose it!’”

When did my angelic cousin become such a devil! Obito internally sobs, begging to any god listening.

The cold voice of his conscience, sounding strangely like Itachi, answers like a stab to the heart:

“Puberty.”

“…”

Ah. Right. That.

Well, shit, then, Obito sighs, rubbing his face in exasperation. Then something catches his eye.

“What’s this now?” He picks up a tomato-shaped chocolate, holding it close to inspect the three tiny fondant leaves, sprouting happily from the top. “Homemade sweets?” No store worth its salt would sell chocolates like this. Obito breaks into a grin. “Sweets, from…”

Sasuke sweatdrops. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

“Your sweetheart!” Obito crows, rushing to pick up the spilled treats. “Aw man, she even made a teenie tiny little fan…” Ah, to be young and in love…

Never mind that he’s only twenty-five.

“It’s no big deal,” Sasuke mutters, crossing his arms irritatedly. “I don’t even like sweets.”

“…huh?” Obito is ripped out of his daydreams. “Wait, what?” 

“I said, I don’t like sweets,” he firmly repeats.

“So… a girl went through all this trouble…” A vein pulses at Obito’s temple. “And you aren’t even gonna try—not even a bit?” 

Sasuke digs his heels in. “Why would I?” he retorts, “Sa—she knows I don’t like sweets, so there was no point in making them when I’d only throw them out. That’d be a waste, so I gave them to you.”

With that, he cracks open a textbook and pretends to read, signaling the end of the conversation.

Never mind that it’s upside down.

Obito, seething, hardly notices, glaring down at the tomato in his hand. Held too long, the cheery fruit (vegetable?) had begun to melt into a sad, lopsided blob. 

Sasuke Fugaku Uchiha… you dare mess with a girl’s tender, fragile heart…

A shadow falls over his eyes.

I’ll show you!

With a roar, he leaps at his cousin, flipping over the loveseat with a CRASH!

“Eat it!” he hisses, Sasuke thrashing as Obito tries and fails to force feed him. “You will eat it, and love it, and march down to her house right now to beg forgiveness!” 

“What the hell—”

“Language!” Mikoto calls out.

“Obito, you idiot!” Sasuke hisses back, elbowing his cousin in the ribs. “You’ll spoil my appetite!”

“Excuses!” Obito wheezes, seeing double, pushing chocolate up Sasuke’s noise. “Eat it! Eat it all! Eat it all, or commit seppuku!”

Seriously? Sasuke opens his mouth to retort, only to have Obito successfully shove a white chocolate flower into his mouth.

“A man that throws away tokens of love throws away his honor and his life!” he declares, pinning Sasuke with his full body weight. “You hear me baby cousin? Dishonor! Dishonor on me! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your cow!”

Are you really quoting Mulan…

“We don’t have a cow!” Sasuke tries to argue, only for Obito to smear chocolate all over his hair, raging.

Mikoto freezes in the doorway, holding a tray of pho and tea… then sighs. 

Just another day in the Uchiha household.