“Um...are you okay?”
Daigo jolted on the spot, lowering the bottle from his lips. Who the hell had found him here?
“Wha’?! Uh...” He glanced over his shoulder and took a sharp intake of breath.
Shinada grimaced, walking further up the steps and onto the roof, hands shoved in the pockets of his Nagoya Wyverns jacket.
“I didn’t even know you could come up here,” he said, glancing behind him at batting centre’s green netting.
“Uh. Not...not technically,” Daigo said, coming out of his daze, “But I do anyway. ‘S quiet up here.”
He waved behind himself slightly. “Y’know, minus the machines and stuff.”
Was he rambling? Probably. He took another swing of vodka to shut himself up, just in case.
Shinada was stood just behind him now, then hummed, taking the space next to him on the roof, legs crossed almost childishly. Daigo‘s were over the edge, swinging back and forth in perhaps a similarly childish way.
“You didn’t answer me,” Shinada said, head tilted onto his shoulder.
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” Daigo replied, slightly curt as he leaned against the side of the building’s sign.
“It’s New Year’s Eve and you’re drinking on the roof of a batting centre, alone.” Shinada shrugged, leaning back for a moment and spying the convenience store bag at Daigo’s side, cans spilling out, some already empty. “Suppose not many people look up here. Probably pretty quiet. A good place to be alone. I’m Shinada, by the way.”
“I know your name-“
Daigo winced, taking another swig before glaring off at the ground.
“Huh? How?” Shinada scratched the back of his head, then started grinning. “Oh! Did you hear about me getting moved to the majors for next season and recognise me?”
“No. I mean, yeah, I heard about that, but...” Daigo flailed his hand about slightly. He wasn’t used to being this coherent when he was this drunk. “We were in high school together. I’m Daigo Dojima. We were home economics partners a few times. Sat next to each other in first year.”
Shinada frowned, mouthing Daigo’s name over and over as his eyes wandered about.
Daigo grunted. Of course. Why would he remember?
Suddenly Shinada snapped his fingers, grabbing Daigo’s shoulder.
“Oh! Crap! Dojima!”
“O-oh...you do remember me.”
“Man, it’s been years dude!” Shinada cried, face lighting up with a grin that still managed to melt Daigo’s heart a little, “Well, three, but still. Shiiiiit. What happened to you? We came back after the summer in senior year and you’d just vanished! Nobody had any idea where you’d gone.”
Daigo gritted his teeth, knocking back the bottle so he didn’t have to answer. Shinada seemed to immediately pick up on the attitude change and whined, offering a gentle hand to the back.
“Oh. Did...did something happen?”
“I went to juvie hall, it’s not important,” Daigo said, dribbling some vodka down his chin in his eagerness to answer. He groaned, wiping it away with the back of his sleeve.
Yeesh, one gentle touch and he was spilling the truth easier than he’d ever done before.
It took Shinada a few seconds to process, doing a double take when he did. “Huh?! Juvie?!”
“Like I said, not important. Stupid shit man, I’m past that now.”
“O-okay...” Shinada shifted where he sat, rubbing the back of his neck. “Uh, so what you up to now? Some kind of...artist or whatever?”
“The look, it’s pretty goth, I just assumed you’re...a singer or something, I dunno.”
“Oh.” Daigo blinked, rubbing the small smears of eyeliner under his lower lashes. “No, I just...I just dress like this. I like it.”
“Oh, right.” Shinada shrugged, usual grin turning into a small shy smile. “It looks cool. Suits you.”
“So you working or...?”
“Uh, no, not...not really...”
Silence fell between them for a moment. Daigo stiffly offered out the rest of the bottle and Shinada took it. He raised it in slight cheers before knocking back a mouthful, pulling it away with a loud gasp.
“Gahh! Never gonna get used to drinking straight.”
“It’s an acquired taste,” Daigo mumbled, opening a can of beer that he passed over to Shinada instead, “The hell are you doing here?”
“You mean in town or…?”
Daigo glanced away for a moment and nodded, opening a can for himself. “Yeah. In town. Let’s go with that.”
Shinada sighed heavily, leaning back on his palms. “Don’t know really, other than visiting home for the holidays. I still needed some time alone though. I’m shitting myself thinking of how when I go back to Nagoya, and the new season starts…I’m actually a professional player.”
“Your dream come true though, right?”
Daigo watched Shinada’s expression, biting down on the edge of his can. Shinada scoffed, then paused, before nodding firmly.
“Obviously! It’s all I ever wanted. Still super nervous though.”
“You’ll kick ass. You always did in school.”
Shinada combed his hair back for a moment, raising a brow. “And why are you here?”
“Because I like it.” Daigo rolled his head around his shoulders, groaning as he heard his neck crack. “Only so many bars you can go to before you get sick of other people.”
“Huh. If you say so”
Silence again. Shinada swirled his drink around slightly, opening his mouth as if he was going to say something before closing it again quickly.
“Spit it out,” Daigo growled, almost anticipating the question.
Shinada jolted, but huddled a little closer, glancing up with those big dark eyes.
“You weren’t planning on jumping off here, were you?”
Daigo tilted his head back, letting out a small laugh.
“What? To kill myself?” He leaned forward at the ground below. “Most I’d get is a broken leg or two, maybe. You’d want somewhere way higher for that.”
He looked along the skyline, pointing at a building. “There’s a place where the impact would actually do it.”
“...thought about it, huh?”
Daigo flinched at the tone of Shinada’s voice, deflating slightly into his coat before sighing.
“You really that interested?”
“If you wanna talk about it,” Shinada said, picking at the cuff of his jeans, “I don’t have any good advice, but I can listen.”
Daigo sighed again, knocking back the remainder of his can before throwing it to the pile.
“Fine. My dad was murdered last year, by the only person I’ve ever fully trusted and my life since then has fallen apart. So yeah, I guess killing myself does sound kinda appealing lately. And if I don’t do it, the booze will. I know that.”
He rubbed between his eyes, already wishing he hadn’t said anything. “There. I admitted it. Happy?”
Shinada took a sharp intake of breath, eyes wide. “S-shit Dojima-kun. That’s awful.”
Daigo pawed about but groaned, finding he’d drank everything. He slumped back onto his palm, rubbing his gut that ached for more. Shinada sipped his own beer quietly.
“That killed the mood, didn’t it?” Daigo scoffed, narrowing his eyes.
“Well, yeah, but with good reason.” Shinada had shifted closer, enough to feel his breath against his skin. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through.”
“Hm. Dad was a bastard. It’s not too much of a loss for the world.”
“But you’ve still thought about killing yourself?”
Daigo sniffed, tapping his fingers rhythmically on his middle. “I...I was raised in a certain way. A certain life. One I had torn from me and destroyed. As far as I care, there’s nothing really left for me. I’m existing out of sheer spite.”
He clicked his tongue, eyes drifting up to the skyline, watching the flickering neon in the distance. “Imagine if you had your baseball career torn from you like that. Wouldn’t you feel the same?”
Shinada didn’t say anything. Instead he wrapped his arms around Daigo and pulled him in close, burying his face against the curve of his neck.
Daigo’s eyes widened, his breath sticking in his throat, but he quickly found himself settling against Shinada’s body, hand gripping the fabric of his sports jacket.
He wasn’t quite sure which one of them moved in for a kiss first. Maybe it was him, caught up in the moment, his lips suddenly pressed against Shinada’s.
There was no resistance, just a surprised squeak, before he pressed back, cupping either side of Daigo’s head.
As they fell apart for breath, panting heavily, their minds clearly went to the same place.
So they went to a hotel.
They kissed more, a little heavier this time now they had the privacy. Shinada rubbed his hands over Daigo’s chest, whilst Daigo squeezed Shinada’s ass.
They rolled about the bed as they did, each landing on top of the other in a pleasant distribution of heat and weight.
Eventually Daigo pushed Shinada back, pressing a finger to his lips.
“Strip for me.”
Shinada gulped but nodded, crawling from the bed. He threw his jacket off, revealing a plain white t-shirt underneath that he slowly pulled over his head.
Daigo chewed his bottom lip as he watched through heavily lidded eyes, chuckling slightly.
In high school, Shinada had been quite chubby, something Daigo had always found adorable, so it pleased him to see he still had a little bump of a rounder belly, even when it tensed nervously into an equally delightful set of abs.
“Flex your arms,” he said, commanded, feeling a rush of adrenaline through his body as he spoke.
Shinada blushed, but did as he was told, curling his arm in a way that made his bicep muscles bulge. Daigo could only let out a soft moan at the sight, rubbing his dick through his pants.
Shinada nodded, fumbling with his belt and tugging his pants down his thick thighs. He then paused, standing in just his off-white boxers as his face turned more and more red.
“I’ve never had sex with a man before,” he said quietly.
Daigo blushed himself and glanced away. “I’ve...I’ve never had sex at all before.”
Shinada gulped, crawling back onto the bed and kissing Daigo’s forehead.
“I want you to fuck me though. Is that okay?”
Daigo burned, but managed some form of affirmative sound, as he got off the bed himself to take his clothes off. Shinada watched with wide eager eyes, drinking in every inch of Daigo’s body.
The year had been rough on him. Drinking was taking its toll and his stomach was bloated, but his ribs were slightly visible. He had muscle, sure, but not like it once had been, all tone lost. Not that Shinada seemed to mind, actually starting to drool looking at Daigo’s pecs.
Daigo paused and grinned, pressing his upper arms together and pushing his chest forward.
“You like that?”
“Big fan,” Shinada said giddily.
Daigo smirked as he bent down at a bedside table, finding a neatly arranged drawer full of essentials. He did take a pause as he looked through, grabbing lube and a condom, setting the latter down for now.
“You’ve got a tattoo...”
He froze, swallowing heavily. Shinada tilted his eyes and smiled giddily, taking off his boxers.
“It looks awesome!”
“Oh. Uhh, thanks.” In an attempt to distract himself, Daigo sat on the edge of the bed, reading the information of the back of the lube sachet. “Does that not bother you then?”
“That you’re yakuza?”
Shinada shrugged, kneeling up behind him and delicately tracing the lines of ink, over each curve of flames tattooed there. “Are you?”
“Not anymore, not really...”
“Then no. Even if you were, I‘d still be fine with it.”
Daigo glanced back and gave a weak smile.
Soon the previous atmosphere returned to the room, as he pushed Shinada to his back and propped his legs up.
It then hit Daigo that this was his first time seeing another man completely nude, at least in this kind of context. He stared at Shinada’s cock, feeling his mouth go dry.
It was...there. Just...there. A similar looking length to his own, maybe a bit thicker and shorter with more hair that started around his navel. It was already looking a little erect too. Fuck, Shinada sure was eager…
Daigo swallowed heavily, reaching out an absent-minded hand to pat Shinada’s middle to bring himself back to earth. “Sorry. Like I said. First time.”
“It’s fine.” Shinada tilted his head to the side, fluttering his eyelashes. “You can admire me for as long as you want.”
“I would love to. But...let’s get started, huh?”
Daigo ripped open the sachet of lube, smearing it over his fingers whilst Shinada shifted himself into a better position.
“Tell me how it is, okay?” Daigo said, leaning over him, “Like if it hurts or…I don’t know.”
He counted in his head, managing to psyche himself up before sticking his finger into Shinada’s ass.
Shinada gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, but nodded, grimace soon turning to a grin.
“O-oh crap…uhh, another?”
Daigo obliged, feeling tension around his fingers as they explored. Was it just his imagination on how good at this he was? How easy he was finding it? It didn’t seem right.
Shinada tilted his head back with a moan, rubbing his hands down his front before taking a hold of his cock. He stroked along it slowly, thumb teasing the head. He looked up to Daigo, huffing excitedly.
“You’re so fucking sexy.”
Daigo just blushed, managing a barely focused half-smile as he leaned closer to kiss him. Every break apart for breath was delightfully followed by a small whimper from Shinada.
With his free hand, Daigo stroked over Shinada’s torso, pressing his fingers down to give a small squeeze every so often. “Speak for yourself. You’re the most handsome guy I’ve ever set eyes on.”
Shinada giggled, before his hips twitched, forcing him to bite down on thumb as he groaned.
“I’m ready, I think I’m ready,” he said, “How should we do this?”
Daigo hummed in thought as he took off his underwear, grabbing for the condom. He then sat up against the bed’s headboard, patting his thighs.
“How does that sound?”
“Y-yeah, sounds awesome. Anything does.”
Daigo half-smiled again, putting on the condom and slicking it up with more lube from the bedside drawer. Then, Shinada crawled over and sat on his lap, hovering slightly with a nervous look on his face.
Daigo wrapped his hands around his waist, gently easing him down.
“Uh. All at once or...?”
Daigo thrusted his hips upward, feeling the shiver down Shinada’s body as he did. Shinada scrunched his eyes up, whole body tensing, then sighed in relief as he relaxed.
“Does it feel good?” Daigo asked softly, nuzzling against Shinada’s collarbones, starting to kiss there softly.
Shinada moved his head, exposing more of his neck. Daigo buried his face against the curve between his neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply and being overwhelmed with the scent of some deliciously sweet deodorant.
“You smell amazing,” he said, somehow only now noticing the drunken slur to his voice, but it just as quickly went away, “Could eat you all up...”
He thrusted again and Shinada cried out. He yelped louder as Daigo bit down, scraping his teeth along the skin before lapping at the marks he left behind. Daigo growled a bit and bit him again, practically gnawing his tender flesh.
“Shit, you’re not kidding,” Shinada said, biting his bottom lip as he gripped at him tighter.
He then blushed, glancing shyly down at his neglected cock. Without a word, Daigo nodded and managed to fumble some remaining lube onto his palm.
He still hesitated a moment. He could do this. He’d jerked himself off plenty. It had to feel the same, right? Just a slightly different angle, that’s all.
He carefully wrapped his fingers around Shinada’s length, feeling it hot in his palm. He gulped and started to stroke it, a slow pace as he got used to the friction of skin on skin.
It was hard to concentrate between the two tasks, but Shinada made up for it, grinding himself down onto Daigo’s dick, smirking as he did. It was certainly working though. Paired with watching the sweat trickle down Shinada’s furrowed brow, the whole motion made Daigo moan, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the feeling. It rushed up his spine than back down again, curling around his lower gut.
“Good boy,” he purred breathlessly, massaging Shinada’s tip with his thumb. He paused as he felt a different liquid, raising his brows. “You’re pretty close huh?”
Shinada just made some incoherent babbling sound, pressing forward to kiss Daigo, forcing his tongue into his mouth. It was Daigo’s turn to squeak this time, but he soon retaliated, biting down slightly before pushing his own tongue forward.
He could feel saliva trickling down his chin, taste the cheap beer he’d given Shinada earlier. He feared what he tasted like.
Shinada pulled back suddenly, gritting his teeth. “More, fuck, just a bit more, please Dojima-kun, please.”
Daigo basked in the moment of ecstasy from hearing his name gasped out like that, before he grabbed Shinada’s middle and jerked upwards more. His nails dug down into his softness, like he was gripping onto this moment to last longer, to stay real.
“How you feeling?” Shinada managed to ask, panting heavily with his tongue lolled out.
“Mmm...you’re doing wonders for me...”
It didn’t take much more. Daigo went back to jerking Shinada off, whilst Shinada groped at Daigo’s chest, squeezing his pecs.
“Ah, ah, fuck...!”
Daigo tilted his head back, slamming it against the headboard as he came. It felt amazing, like fireworks going off in his head and...
He frowned, dazed as he stared at the nearest wall. It was a love hotel, they didn’t have windows but...he could definitely hear fireworks from outside.
Shinada letting out a high-pitched sound snapped him back. Without realising, Daigo had let his dick go during his own orgasm, so he picked up the pace, finishing himself off. He spasmed on the spot, splattering both himself and Daigo with cum as he did.
He didn’t care though, revelling in how Shinada’s eyes glazed over for a second as he tossed his head back. Shinada took a moment to compose himself, before he moved off and slumped forward on top of Daigo, sticky from sweat and boiling hot.
“Good boy,” Daigo whispered, kissing the top of his head before stroking his hair, “Took it like a champ.”
“You were amazing,” Shinada said, nuzzling his cheek against Daigo’s chest, “Especially for your first time.”
Daigo chuckled shyly, sliding both his hands down Shinada’s back to land on his ass, massaging a cheek under each palm.
He frowned, glancing at the wall again, distracted by the fireworks. “Almost...too good...you hear those too?”
“Mmm. Course I do.”
Shinada reached over to the alarm clock, pointing at the time.
“Happy new year Dojima-kun,” he said, smiling dozily, even letting out a yawn.
“...I don’t want this to end.”
Shinada glanced upwards and moved to sit up, cupping Daigo’s cheek. He stroked his facial hair and smiled, laughed a little.
“Dojima-kun...you knew it was gonna eventually.”
Daigo whined pathetically, nuzzling closer against Shinada’s palm, grabbing at his wrist. His touch felt so real.
“I just want a bit longer...c’mon, can’t I just have that?”
Shinada just laughed again, leaning forward and giving him a soft kiss.
“You know you can’t.”
“...and we’ll continue to show you the celebrations around the globe as we welcome 1997! But first, a replay of the countdown from Tokyo...”
Daigo groaned into the floor as his eyes barely opened, squinting. He was sprawled face first on his living room floor, head throbbing and stomach churning. Judging by the chill against his thighs, he’d gotten as far as taking his pants off before passing out on the ground.
He managed to sit up, hand pressed against his forehead as he leaned back against the couch for support. The room was starting to spin, and he’d already managed to fall over and knock his head on the kotatsu once since moving in, he didn’t need it happening again.
The TV kept playing clips of fireworks and cheering, until he found the remote and muted it, the sound still ringing in his ears.
He didn’t remember getting home. He had started drinking at noon, deliberately alone. He didn’t want to see the new year in with anybody but a bottle of alcohol. Or six.
He shifted on the spot slightly, then began to blush irritably.
“Are you fucking serious?” he growled, tugging around the front of his briefs, glaring at the darker patch in the fabric, the stickiness plastering his thighs.
He’d seriously came in his underwear like he was a teenager again. Bullshit.
Daigo tilted his head back against the couch, rubbing his eyes. Of course he remembered his dream, in painful detail.
“I really need to get laid,” he muttered.
He hadn’t thought about Shinada in much detail in a while and then...he had actually seen him.
The part where he was sat on the roof of the batting centre drinking was real, at least, which is the last thing he remembered properly before getting home. That’s where he’d spotted him from.
Walking out of some restaurant with his family, laughing in that way that always lit up his face. Daigo just guessed he was visiting for the holidays, and suppose between all the booze and desperately lonely mess his brain was in, his imagination just ran wild.
He glanced at his underwear again and huffed.
He’d been jealous, seeing Shinada’s mother pinch his cheek and scold him playfully. He hadn’t spoken to his own mother in months since he moved out. This was the first holiday season he’d spent alone, even if he had deliberately isolated himself.
Part of Daigo wished that maybe he’d gone down and called out, but he was already pretty intoxicated by then. It just would’ve been embarrassing. Knowing his luck, he would have puked all over Shinada or something.
It seemed pathetic really, almost childish, having a sex dream about a man he had no chance with, never would. Shinada was going to the major leagues this year, and everything would just fall into place. Their paths would never cross ever again, and Shinada’s life was always going to be better off for it with Daigo like this.
With a groan, he got to his feet and stumbled towards the kitchen, taking a few beer bottles and some left over takeout – literally the entire contents.
He went back into the living area and slumped back on the couch, opening the first bottle and stuffing some cold greasy noodles into his mouth. The TV, still completely silent, started showing another time zone’s celebrations, explosions of colour and people huddled together.
“Happy new year Daigo,” he muttered, three hours too late, before knocking back his drink.
He didn’t stop until the bottle was empty, opening up another with a defeated sigh. He hoped, after a few more beers, he’d forget his stupid dream. A few more after that, he’d pass out, and forget what he confessed to his fantasy idea of Shinada on the batting centre rooftop.
“Fuck, I’m pathetic.”