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A Tale Sure to Make You Smile (Sunshine Almost Always)

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TMZ ✓ @TMZ Bill Denbrough’s (@billdenbrough58) newest movie will star actress @audraaaden and comedian @thefakerichietozier CONFIRMED. http://bit.ly/5gj71q

Richie ‘Trash Raccoon’ Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier surprise, bitches!!!

viscera horror @notrebecca idk if richie tozier can pull it off. Anyone seen him act?

who killed laura? @snohomishjen RICHIE TOZIER IN A MOVIE THE GIF OPPORTUNITIES I AM DEAD FUCK send help

the lone gay-ger @drkensington @notrebecca he acted straight for like 40 yrs so...

@thefakerichietozier @pattystweeter & 382 other users liked this tweet


Horror Depot @horrorvidsnnews Bill Denbrough: Prolific Visionary or Prolific Hack? How the Horror Genre Has Changed and How Its Creators Have Responded http://horrordepot.com/editorial/archive/Nh7hj_8uH4f

Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman @horrorvidsnnews tl;dr--definitely a hack.

da bo dee da bo di @andorianblue @stantheman will u be my dad?

prostitution 💄 whore @stealingkimshouse @billdenbrough58 might be a hack, but anything that gives @audraaaden more screentime is good w/ me

Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✓ @benhanscomdesign Weren’t you verified, @stantheman?

Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman @benhanscomdesign No.



Ben
But you were actually verified at some point, right?

Stan
They let you unverify yourself if your only claim to fame is knowing famous people.

Ben
So you just bitched at them until they relented?

Stan
It took a lot less work than I thought it would.
Honestly? Rather disappointing.

Ben
I always knew you were secretly spoiling for a fight.

Stan
[...]
[Read at 18:43]

Losers Club 2.0

[21:12] Bill Shoutout to every teacher who put up with us in school.

[21:13] Bill I have come to the conclusion that I actually hate children.

[21:14] Stan I told you not to do it.

[21:15] Ben Workshop not go well?

[21:15] Richie kids who are into horror are fucking creepy.

[21:16] Eddie Richie: ‘Creepy kids’

[21:17] Eddie And then he did a weird, full-body shudder.

[21:18] Bill Okay, but, conversely: he’s right.

[21:19] Bev WHat happened?

[21:20] Bill I was part of an ‘aspiring writers’ workshop.

[21:20] Bill Never again.

[21:21] Stan I told you, bro.

[21:21] Bill ‘Bro’?

[21:22] Patty I’m divorcing you.

[21:23] Richie are you Eddie? ‘bro’ - jesus christ.

[21:23] Bill Did I really just get ‘bro’-ed by Stanley Uris?

[21:24] Mike Did we time-warp back to the nineties?

[21:25] Stan I will leave this chat.

[21:25] Bev Already did it--you came back.

[21:26] Patty They always come back.

[21:27] Eddie No one actually ever leaves the Losers Club. :)

[21:29] Ben Maybe we really are a cult.

[21:36] Mike Like.


Losers Club 2.0

[15:36] Stan Hey, so guess who got randomly stopped on the street by an old man and got told that avoiding fate is a magical thing and the opportunity shouldn’t be squandered????

[15:37] Stan The answer is me and the other answer is ‘what the fuck?’.

[16:51] Richie i mixed acid with coke one time and the same thing happened to me.

[16:52] Richie staniel, do you have something to share with the class?

[16:54] Stan Beep, fucking, beep--I’m being serious.

[16:55] Richie so am I - old fucker found me vomiting my guts out in an alley back in ‘05.

[17:14] Bev Same thing happened to me too.

[17:16] Richie [twilightzoneintro.mp3]

[17:39] Audra can nothing be normal with you guys?

[17:40] Audra i s2g that everything’s a fuckign production with you lot

[17:41] Bill ‘[F]uckign’.

[17:41] Mike ‘fuckgin’

[17:42] Eddie Yeah, fuck gin--vodka’s better anyways.

[17:43] Audra sending this to scientists to support my theory of social media perpetuating human devolution

Audra took a screenshot

[17:44] Bill Fuckign drama queen.

[17:45] Bill Stop blocking me on social media.

[17:45] Bill Coward.

[17:48] Patty So we’re all just going to ignore the continued supernatural events surrounding the seven of you, and by sheer proximity, Audra and I?

[17:49] Stan It worked for 27 years before.

[17:50] Mike And unlikely it’s malevolent.

[17:51] Patty Perfect. AMazing.

[17:51] Patty Just what I wanted to hear.

[17:53] Richie welcome to our lives, baby. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

[17:54] Audra patty, the reaction you’re looking for is ‘OTL’

[17:54] Patty OTL

[17:55] Stan Don’t CORRUPT MY WIFE.

[17:56] Richie interesting how everything is capitalized except for the ‘don’t’. ( ー̀εー́ )

[17:57] Bev Someone tell richie that it isn’t 2007

[17:58] Eddie Hey, Rich?

[17:59] Richie ( ・◇・)?

[18:00] Eddie (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

[18:01] Bev Betrayal.

[18:01] Eddie shrug emoji

[18:02] Bev ¿¿¿Bitch???



Bev
I am going to actually murder your boyfriend.

Richie
This is an automated text message. Richie is currently being railed by Eddie and cannot get to the phone.

Bev
I am going to murder the both of you.

Bev
But not before telling him EVERYTHING you have planned.
Don’t test me, tozier.

Richie
what’d I even do to you, Beverly?

Bev
Nothing richie.

Bev
But that’s what you’re good at, isn’t it?

Richie
Bev, are you ok???

Bev
Just ask him already i am getting sick of the secrecy.

Richie
=͟͟͞͞ =͟͟͞͞ ヘ( ´Д`)ノ

I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon A chat platform where every person has a different color or symbol so it’s easy to see who’s talking at any moment in time.

I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon Also: program to make intentional typos. ‘She-eet,’ ‘hawt,’ ‘totes mcgotes,’ &c..

Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden go to sleep @mikehanlon

keepin’ it weird @thejersiestdevil every few years someone just fucking reinvents homestuck @leslienoooope @lizzieliz @emilyyyp

Jonathan Carnahan @leveleightmate I DMed you @mikehanlon. Am a programmer and can help you make this happen.

Richie ‘Trash Raccoon’ Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier it’s called bit chat, @mikehanlon and you’re about a decade too late for its popularity.


Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✓ @benhanscomdesign Sometimes life just gives you exactly what you need. #NKOTB #firstsongontheradio

@NKOTB @marshfashions & 13,481 other users liked this tweet


Bill Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58 Actual reaction of @benhanscomdesign after @NKOTB liked his tweet [quirrellfainting.gif]

spit-marking material @lily7porter proof that ben hanscom is not as perfect as twitter thinks he is [http://twitter.com/be…]

Linda Evangelista @fireataseaparks hard disagree @lily7porter because the bad taste in music makes him even better imho

capital r Romantic @foggedpanes okay, so i looked up this #BenHanscom guy and he’s just an architect? Married to a Michael Costello level designer? Why is twitter so abuzz? #iamconfusion


Bill Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58 “Len turned the corner, the ‘hello?’ caught in her throat as the impenetrable darkness swallowed down the hallway leading down to her in its voracious maw.”

🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101 idk how i feel about this @billdenbrough58. seems ~spooky~

🗡🗡🗡 @nightbreed86540 maybe if you werent a bandwagoner @tozierfan10101 youd appreciate the absolute genius of #BillDenbrough

@tozierfan10101 replied to @nightbreed86540

okay go off i guess


Patricia @pattystweeter Purely theoretical neighborhood gossip: people can see you going through mailboxes and then bringing up found contents at weekly book group. It’s fairly blatant, actually.

MaryLynn Wilkenson @gtechmary03 omg @pattystweeter purely hypothetically, i know just who you’re talking about and she is CHOOSING to say not-so-nice things.

not that lee majors @leemajors1994 is this,,,how suburban southern ladies use twitter normally @pattystweeter? because if so sign me the fuck up.

Jolene Beth Tuney @jobethtunes @gtechmary03 @pattystweeter [Sorry, it looks like this tweet has been deleted]

l o v e l y b o n e s @littlecreepiesheebiejeebies but what did it say @pattystweeter @gtechmary03????

437 users liked this tweet


Eddie Kaspbrak ✓ @eddiek As a genre, horror is probably the most overrated of them all.

lisa 👽 @agentlisascully my main man @eddiek be dropping truth bombs without any context just after his bf got cast in a horror movie. #gayicon #thatbitch

Bill Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58 @eddiek and I are no longer best friends. I am now best friends with @thefakerichietozier who was also part of this undeserved attack against our very characters.

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier i don’t even really like horror @agentlisascully but it paid bank, so… ╮(─▽─)╭

Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden better go and eat some worms @billdenbrough58


Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman ‘Do you want to go to Bali with us next week?’ my friends ask. ‘No,’ I reply, ‘because I actually have a real job.’

Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier if it makes you feel any better @stantheman i wasn’t even invited.

Stanley 🐢 Uris @stantheman It doesn’t, @thefakerichietozier. But good.


Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden Day six on set w/ @thefakerichietozier. Here’s a behind-the-scenes pic of us [audranrichie.jpg]!

Kathleen Wallace Wildermen @limabeanskathleen Oh no, I think I know what novel this is based on. RIP in peace @thefakerichietozier. (And more importantly: can’t wait to see how @audraaaden pulls this performance off!)

highway to purgatory @3001whales seems less like ‘the midnight silence’ @limabeanskathleen and more like ‘the rest in ashes’.

Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden The movie is obviously another remake of ‘Quiet is Its Misery’ and @billdenbrough58 is accepting no constructive criticism about this decision.


Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier get you a man who can look like this after working on your mid-life crisis car. @eddiek [eddie291.png]

32,961 users liked this tweet


Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier also, my manager wants me to let you all know that I am going to be hosting SNL next month - so stay tuned!

16,580 users liked this tweet


Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier we now know what the people really want. [eddie292.png] [eddie67.png] [eddie5.png]

Beverly Marsh ✓ @marshfashions Time to start designing wedding dresses! @marshfashionsofficial is including a line of suits this season as well - because everyone deserves a stunning look on their wedding day.

@benhanscomdesign @eddiek @trisharobbins & 21,757 other users liked this tweet


CFDA bitch @wintoursmentee What’s the line title this season @marshfashions?

Beverly Marsh ✓ @marshfashions The running title for this season is ‘Summer Wanderings and Childhood Musings’. Thank you for the lovely question @wintoursmentee.



Richie
You conniving bitch.

Bev
\\ ٩( ᐛ )و //