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To All Of Them That I Once Loved Before

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A quite mortifying experience has occurred.

 

You see, Izuku has been keeping a stash of letters. Not just any letters, love letters. Ones he never shared or he would have never intended to show a soul to. 

 

So when suddenly his letters are leaked to the public, like the release of doves at an event, everyone is mystified with a hopeful shimmer that comes with a wedding but contain a flicker of bittersweet guilt that rather suits a funeral instead.

 

Everyone is frozen in front of a simple, innocent looking shoe box that sat on the table in their common room. The purple box is filled to the brim with papers, all different types of sizes, colours, seals, some with envelopes, some rolled up and kept together with a mere glitter smiley face sticker, the ones that if you scratch at lightly with your nail it releases a banana scent or something that makes your nose scrunch at the artificial smell but would’ve made little Izuku overjoyed to receive from his teacher. 

 

The students of 1-A seem reluctant, twitching their hands forward and glancing around at their peers, too scared to break the unsaid agreement that this kind of thing is just to invasive of poor Izuku. However, if there was anyone to be the most unagreeable in any circumstances, it would be Bakugo Katsuki. And so, surprising no one, the blonde steps forward rustling through the letters until his calloused hand hovered over a red envelope which was quite atypical of him, almost as if he was scared. But in the end, with a scoff, his hand makes contact and the envelope is swiped followed by the blonde storming off to his dorm room.

 

When that was over, everyone seemed more inclined to breach the unspoken contract. One by one, they broke under pressure and finally the box sat empty in the common room.

 


“Tsu,

Yes, I can actually call you this cute name as long as I don’t have to say it out loud in front of you where all my nervous energy prevents me from doing much of anything. Honestly, you kind of intimidate me. Whether it’s your honest nature that I admire so much, or the way you’re not afraid to be critical of me or any of our friends, not afraid to lose us just because you’re speaking your mind. I lack these kind of traits you see? But I want to grow stronger, and I guess that has led me to start to slowly grow infatuated with you. So I’m sorry because as I’m increasingly admiring your green eyes that feel like home or your strength in your quirk, so does my nervousness around you as well.


 

“Oh Midoriya, kero.” Izuku did look a little flustered around her but she chalked it up to his natural demeanour. 

 


“To the brightest girl in the class, Mina,

You are quite literally the light that brightens anything you walk into. The class is bathed in that sun light and I bask in it. I know you’re not quite the wax poetic type of girl, trust me I’ve helped you many nights with literature but I just can’t help but put these feelings into words. No matter how many times I have to curl my toes and let my face burn absolutely red as I pour down these thoughts. It’s not like you’ll see this anyways. Everyone here is just too pretty, I don’t think I could ever match up with anyone honestly, and definitely not you. So I’ve decided to write this down and throw my feelings away, that may seem to cheapen my affections for you, but my brain and my heart knows that getting over my crush on you will be way more difficult. It doesn't help that you seem to make me laugh every time I’m around you.”


 

Mina smiled down at the letter, sighing as she scratches the strawberry sticker on her pink paper. Giggling to herself in her room at the weird artificial scent of strawberry fills it.

 


“Dearest Iida,

I’d like to preface this by saying you are so strong. You don’t know how many times I felt like falling apart at the seams but there you are, your speedy, angel arms was always there to catch me. I just feel so safe in those arms, I am so grateful for how hard you work. To keep this class together. But as I continue to watch you, blushing behind my notebook, I realise how hard it must be on you. That there is no one trying to keep you together. You want to do your family proud, to deserve your family name, you want to look after us and not shame the UA prestige. There are so many things that you’re determined to do and I can’t help but dream behind my messily scrawled notebook, dream of helping you keep this thing together. To share the burden. But I know this is a pipe dream. I know because I’m not naive. You have someone who will share that burden with you. I’m so happy for you. I just wanted to write this letter to finalise these feelings, like neat bookend. Thank you.”


 

Iida’s hands shook slightly as he sat at his desk. He puts his glasses onto the wooden surface, his expression grave, like he’s mourning a love he lost. “I you had just told me, Midoriya.” 

 


“Hello! Kiri

I...I definitely have no courage to call you this in real life but that’s what letters are for right? I am going to come right out and say it. You. Are. So. Manly. Every time you walk by me, my breath catches in my throat. My skin sets alight and I just want to explode into a puddle of goo. But I’ve grown just like you have, and I feel a little, if not then a miniscule amount, of more confident than I had started out at UA. So I would catch myself staring a little more openly then I would have, ogling you from afar….like a creep! I am so so sorry! Ehhh...anyways with this confidence boost I researched up on Crimson Riot since you admired him so much, similar to how I am with All Might. At first I did it because I wanted to have something to talk to you about but honestly I’m really astonished at how much Crimson Riot has achieved, and his work ethic and personality are just so addicting I get why you admire him so much. The more I learn about him, the more I see the similarities within you. If you could only see how chivalrous you are. How much of that bravery and determination and nobleness has rubbed off on you. You’re going to be such a great hero! I can’t wait to see all the good that you can do in this world. For now I’ll have to just sit back and watch, maybe one day I’ll muster the courage to have a private spar with you. I swear it’s not because I want to gawk at your muscles!”


 

“Damn Mido…” Kirishima lips are wobbling like he wants to sob but he clenches his teeth and smiles instead. 

 


“For Ochako,

What a surprise, huh? Of course I would fall for you. I think when I first met you I sweating buckets just the sight of you, but I just thought that was because of my tendency to be awkward around girls (or anyone really). But after being your friend for so long. I know it’s so much more than just our difference in genders. I don’t know if this will come out right, or if it will make any sense at all. But like your hero name, Uravity, you are my gravity. You ground me. I think if I was here without you, I’d probably floating into the stratosphere. If I feel scared I know that a squeezing hand from you can whisk those fears away. I know that if I just glance to my side, your smile will be there and my heart will stop clenching so hard. Just for a moment, a sweet moment though. I don’t say this with many people but I really do think I love you. And...and that’s so scary, it’s terrifying. And that’s why I don’t think I’ll ever tell you how I feel, even if I believe there’s a chance you’ll reciprocate because...because deep down I feel like I’ll hold you and your hero potential back because of my selfish needs. And wants. So I’ll write this down and lock it away like all the others.”


 

Ochako bit her lip, tears tracked down her chubby cheeks. She huffed and let the hand with the letter fall to her side as she frustratedly swatted at the pesky tears on her face. Izuku wanted her to be strong, right?

 


“To Denki,

Umm...this might be a little surprising. I mean it’s kind out of nowhere, it kind of surprised me as well. Don’t get me wrong, you’re such an amazing friend to have, you just seem to cheer everyone up but you know your boundaries too, you don’t overstep but if you do, you apologise sincerely. I was kind of scared of you before I became close to you, I’ve encountered many ‘class clown’ types and they were cruel in those experience but you’re nothing like that. You’re as observant as I am, picking up on emotional cues from everyone, and lending a helping hand when you can. The way you flicker around the class, I am in awe at how sensitive you actually are. Everyone may pin you as this ‘dumbass’ but you’re so much smarter than anyone has given you credit for. You adapt like lightning and those kind of emotional qualities are something that is necessary for a good hero, and you are...so good. Thank you, Denki. For those talks that we have late at night, whether it is in messages or scratchy voice phone calls. Thank you so much.”


 

Denki was bawling into his pillow, the yellow paper crinkled in his grip. He saw the little lightning bolt sticker and couldn’t help from wailing into his dark bedroom. That sticker resembled the phone charm Izuku gave him last year, the one he looked at when he needed reassurance.

 


“Katsuki.

Fuck. I didn’t think I could write that name down. How long has it been since I’ve called you that? Have I ever called you that? Honestly my memory is kind of fuzzy. But honestly I’m in love with you.

 

Like really in love with you. I think I’ve been like this since we were kids. I mean who wouldn’t, who wouldn’t be in awe of you. Your beauty, your tenacity, your power and strength, it’s just too all blinding. 

 

I could go on and on about the intense red eyes that I drown in everyday. Or the smirk that makes me feel heated under my skin. I could talk about how your strength is something that is just immeasurable, the control of your quirk, and the swiftness in your step. All of those things are true and stuff I have said countless times.

 

But I guess I never really talk aloud about the other qualities of you. About how you so diligently cook food for me and the others every week despite the grumbling and the whacking of greedy hands. About how you shout at us, at me, whenever we leave without a scarf in the winter or sunscreen in the summer. Or how I feel you tuck me in bed when I fall asleep after a class marathon of movies. How I know that you’re the one that keeps tipping off Recover Girl whenever I get myself into reckless nonsense. How you walk with me at the break of dawn, even if I know you hate waking up so early. How you talk me through every panic attack, how those powerful hands I’m all too familiar with are actually soft when they card through my hair and caress my cheek. How in the winter, when my bones creak and want to collapse in on itself, you wordlessly slip into my bed like you used to when we were kids, letting me absorb your heat.

 

That...that selflessness, that caring that you do so intensely, so confidently without an ounce of hesitation. It’s something that I never talk about because I’m afraid what that will set in motion. On how easily that conversation can lead into pouring out my guts, and confessing.

 

I just don’t think I could’ve ever seen my life without loving you. You’ve been there in everything. You’re so integral to my entire being that I just can’t escape these feelings.

 

But love...love is so, so scary. Scarier than most things. It’s hard when you’re life has a timer on it, one that’s running out far quicker than everyone else.

 

You don’t know, you couldn’t because I’m a coward and I can’t tell you, but I just want to kiss you so much. I just want to swoop up and kiss you so badly. I want your arms around me, I want to feel your heartbeat against my own stuttering one. 

 

But I can’t. And I won’t. 

 

But this isn’t some fleeting crush or infatuation, this is something I’ve been experiencing for years now. It’s not something I can just let go. So I’ve been hesitant in writing this. I didn’t want to because this would mean I’ll have to let you go. Because this would be the final nail in the coffin in this 10 year long love. But I have to. Because my lungs are filling with black and my heart is sounding so loud in my ears.

 

To end this letter I just want to say that when you read this because I just know you’ll find it that you’re amazing, truly. You’re going to be such a good hero and I wish that I could’ve experienced it, I’m kind of jealous of the others. They’ll get to see the last remaining member of the Wonder Duo in all his glory. Amazingness, that comes naturally to you Kacchan, so you do not need to work yourself to the bone, remember all the things you scolded me for and apply it to yourself. Please. Like I said, I...I won’t ever stop loving you.”


Katsuki was going to kill that damn nerd. What was that shit about his eyes? Fuck, was he always this cheesy? Damn Katsuki won’t let Deku get away with this. He’ll...he’s gonna...fuck.

 

“Izuku why did you have to fucking up and die without me you god damn nerd.” Katsuki wheezed, as sob after sob made his throat run dry. 

 

Obviously the blonde knew of Izuku’s condition, he knew the freckled boy was running on low fuel but he didn’t think he’d vanish in a night just like that. Taken by death’s cruel hand without letting Katsuki have a say in anything. 

 

Fuck. How was supposed to say he loved him now? Or how sorry he was for all the shit things he’s done? How was going to repay Izuku for being this amazing force in his life, just rolling through each barrier the spiky blonde put up? 

 

Damn it all.


“Popular UA student Midoriya Izuku was a well beloved soul, he was known for helping out the neighbourhood whenever he could like walking elderly across the street or sweeping store fronts for free. We unfortunately have news that this young student passed away peacefully in his sleep last week. He apparently been quietly dealing with respiratory complications and his systems gave up last night. His mother is rightfully devastated so let’s lend our prayers to her and the young Midoriya’s friends.”

 

“Daddy is...is that really true? Does that mean-” Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes.

 

Aizawa leant down, picking up Eri easily and cocooning her with his body, as if to protect her from all this.

 

“Yes. It is true.”

 

“But...but thats so unfair daddy. He-he was supposed to be our hero right? He was supposed to be able to save all the sad children and adults in the world that needed help. Just like he did with me. He told me he wanted to do that. He wanted to do it so much...why didn’t he get to do that Daddy?”

 

Aizawa closed his eyes, cradling Eri’s head in his palm. “Eri, he isn’t gone.”

 

“He isn’t? But the news-”

 

“He will live on, in everything we do starting today. In anyone he’s ever talked to, or smiled at or saved just like you and me and that horned hat kid. All of those people will have him inside of their hearts. All of their heroic actions will be guided by him. The kindness that he spread will multiply in everything that we do. His kindness is living right inside of you. Don’t you see it?” Aizawa bit back a sob as Eri put her hand on her own chest, on top of her beating heart.

 

“Yes, right there, so he’s not gone. Not as long as all of us are alive. Not as long as we shared the kindness he gave to us so generously.”

 

The teacher couldn’t hold back any longer, he crumpled to the ground with Eri in his arms, and they just cried. Together.

 

There on the coffee table beside them sat a letter, addressed to Eri. Unopened and sealed with a sparkly unicorn sticker.

 

On the same day next week, everyone dressed in black, green ribbons adorned their attire as they one by one, set a letter in Izuku’s coffin. Maybe one day he’ll get to read them. And smile. And know how loved he was.