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fill my lungs, drain my heart

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Liam closes his eyes, feels more than hears Zayn climbing into the truck and settling next to him.

"You alright?"

Liam shrugs, lifting the cigarette to his lips. He takes a drag, long and slow before exhaling, thick smoke curling into the night sky. "Could be worse I suppose."

Zayn plucks the cigarette from him and Liam watches as he takes a drag, eyes fluttering shut as he inhales, long and slow. He fleetingly wonders if Zayn would look the same with his lips wrapped around his dick instead.

He looks away as Zayn’s eyes blink open. He doesn't need Zayn to look into his eyes, he can read Liam too well as it is.

"How'd you find me?"

Zayn lets out a low laugh. "Really Liam? It wasn't that hard."

He supposes it probably wasn't, not for Zayn anyway.

Zayn lifts the blanket, crawls under it and snuggles into his side. Liam pulls him in closer, burying his face in Zayn’s hair. He smells like olive shampoo and coffee - no doubt from the many cups he consumes daily - and he breathes it in, cigarette forgotten.

"It's okay you know," Zayn says, fingers absently tracing shapes on Liam’s shirt as he whispers; "It's okay if you aren't."

"I, fuck -," Liam lets out a shuddering breath, tries to swallow the lump in his throat. "He's leaving, Zayn, he's not coming back."

His voice cracks and Zayn shifts them so that he's holding Liam as he whimpers into Zayn’s neck. "Shhh," he says, rubbing soothing circles into Liam’s back, "I'm sorry babe. I'm so sorry."

"What did I do Zayn? Why would he leave me?" Liam chokes out, hot tears streaming down his face, "Doesn't he love me anymore?"

"Hey, it's - it's not you okay? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I've been expecting it," Liam admits quietly, "But somehow that doesn't make it hurt any less."

Zayn doesn't say anything, just hugs him tighter. They've never needed words, he and Zayn. They said all that they wanted through glances and quick touches, somehow always understanding what the other was trying to say. And that's - it's all he needs really.

"Someday we'll leave this place yeah? Me, you and the lads. We'll live in some shitty apartment somewhere with no heating and ugly furniture and grumpy old building managers."

He feels Zayn’s lips quirk up slightly. "I don't know, we'd probably need heating. Else we'd never be able to shower in the mornings. Or sleep."

"Course we could sleep. Five of us could squeeze on a queen bed. Keep each other warm and toasty with body heat and all that."

Zayn wrinkles his nose. "I am not sharing a bed with you lot. Harry snores, Louis sleep walks, and Niall’s like a bloody octopus."

"What about me then?"

"You drool."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do!"

"Lies!" He says and tickles Zayn. He bats Liam away, his shrieks echoing in the darkness.

"Stop it Liam!" he says, in between laughs, "Get off me."

He lets Zayn go, grinning when he catches sight of Zayn’s bunched up cheeks and crinkled eyes. He's beautiful.

Liam lies on his back, attention on the twinkling lights in the sky. He laces his fingers with Zayn’s, sighing when Zayn squeezes his hand. "I wonder if there was something I could've done to change his mind y'know? Like maybe if I got better grades or been some hotshot athlete, he would stay."

He wishes he was the one who was leaving, pack his bags and just go. He'd go anywhere and everywhere, never staying in one place for long because there was just too much of the world to explore. He wouldn't have to deal with this shit then.

"Hey," Zayn says, propping himself up so that he's leaning over Liam, blanket sliding off the both of them. It's cold but he barely notices, especially not when Zayn's lips are so close to his. "It's not your fault," he says fiercely, "What happened between them is not your fault you hear me?"

There's a forcefulness in his voice, like he needs Liam to know and understand that he's not the one to blame and he feels a surge of love for Zayn rushing through his veins and he starts to choke up.

Zayn smiles, that stupid fond smile he keeps just for Liam, and leans down to press their foreheads together, as if to say it's okay, you're alright, I'm here for you.

And right there is why no matter how much he might want to, he could never just up and leave this god forsaken town. Because this is where the light of his life is.

This is where Zayn is.

So he pulls Zayn in closer and breathes.