Actions

Work Header

79-a: class of chaotics

Chapter Text

SEPTEMBER, THE START OF THE 2ND SEMESTER.

 

(Sunday 11:26 p.m.)

Kiibo created an untitled group chat.

Kiibo added Saihara Shuichi, Iruma Miu and 13 others.

 

Kiibo: two rules

Kiibo: one, no leaving! and two, no leaving!

Ouma Kokichi: not gonna lie kiiboy, i really wanna leave just because you said not to!

Ouma Kokichi: but i'm such a good person, i'm not gonna do that!!!

Iruma Miu: so why is he here

Kiibo: thought i'd be nice to him, but i'm reconsidering

Ouma Kokichi: DDDD:

 

Ouma Kokichi changed their nickname to supreme leader™.

Iruma Miu changed their nickname to local genius.

 

Akamatsu Kaede: oooh, a group chat?

Toujou Kirumi: I have my doubts that this will be good.

 

supreme leader™ changed Toujou Kirumi's nickname to mom.

Kiibo changed their nickname to kiibo.

 

kiibo: i am aware there's not much of a change, but i can tell everyone's nicknames will be lowercase..

Akamatsu Kaede: aww, it's okay kiibo!

 

Akamatsu Kaede changed their nickname to piano geek.

 

Gokuhara Gonta: Gonta think everyone should sleep! it's late!!

supreme leader™:

 

supreme leader™ changed Gokuhara Gonta's nickname to bugs life.

 

bugs life: good nickname :D

piano geek: i love you gonta :')

mom: okay, sleep

local genius: yes mom….



(Monday 5:37 a.m.)

 

Saihara Shuichi: how do you manage to stay up that late…?

Amami Rantaro: ah, saihara.. i saw your light on at around one this morning..

Saihara Shuichi: oh? must've left the lights on

Amami Rantaro: yeah haha must've!

 

(Monday 7:44 a.m.)

 

piano geek: it takes a special kind of self hatred to get up that early

Saihara Shuichi: it's not necessarily intentional…..???

 

Amami Rantaro changed Saihara Shuichi's nickname to nocturnal.

Amami Rantaro changed their nickname to it's an avocado.

 

Shirogane Tsumugi: ah.. very accurate nicknames

it's an avocado: i'm good at this

Shirogane Tsumugi: thats fair!

 

Shirogane Tsumugi changed their nickname to animugi.

Angie Yonaga changed their nickname to the messiah.

 

nocturnal: i'm not nocturnal i sleep at decent hours and wake up at decent hours

piano geek: babe it doesn't count if "decent" to you is like, anything that manages to not be past midnight?

nocturnal: MIDNIGHT?? i'm asleep by midnight!

supreme leader™: my beloved saihara-chan needs some lessons in lying, obviously!

Momota Kaito: is it demand that shuichi fixes his sleep schedule hours? 

 

Momota Kaito changed their nickname to astro boy.

 

kiibo: i agree, it's quite concerning..

nocturnal: stopppppp ittttttt

Harukawa Maki: points were made.

nocturnal: maki…

Harukawa Maki: if it's true, it's true

 

astro boy changed Harukawa Maki's nickname to knife emoji.

 

knife emoji: if any of you other than momota, akamatsu, shuichi, or himiko calls me harumaki, i'll kill you. just y'know.. a friendly reminder

piano geek: aww i'm included!

supreme leader™: :((((

knife emoji : especially not you

supreme leader™: owie !!

nocturnal: ouma.. will you give me back my pen? you only use purple ink, so it's not like you're even using it 

supreme leader™: awe the jig is up :( do you know how easy you remember and spot things saihara-chan? it's no fun!

nocturnal: s orry ?,????.

supreme leader™: just kiddinggg! or am i? you'll never know!

nocturnal: no, i do know

piano geek: umm oomfs are being gay on the tl ….?

nocturnal: hello?

Shinguji Korekiyo: Good morning. you're all.. lively

Hoshi Ryoma: if u couldn't tell, he's calling you all annoying

knife emoji: he's right

 

supreme leader™ changed Hoshi Ryoma's nickname to wii sports tennis.

supreme leader™ changed Shinguji Korekiyo's nickname to kork.

 

mom: I do hope everyone's getting ready for class

local genius: ugh, we still have like an hour

mom: do not care



bffls ミ✭ -- Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuichi

(Monday 7:59 a.m.)

 

shoeitchy: how many times do i have to tell you that i Don't Like Ouma

kayayaday: yeah, and i hate playing piano. but ok ! fine :)

shoeitchy: that's not fair

kayayaday: what's not fair :))

shoeitchy: i know what you're doing akamatsu kaede and it WON'T work

kayayaday: oh, shuichi. it already has, hasn't it?

shoeitchy: H KAEDE



Untitled group

(Monday 8:27 a.m.)

 

nocturnal: anyway, i'm starting a kickstarter to put kaede down, the benefits of killing her would be i would get manipulated way less

bugs life: manipulating is no good, akamatsu! and no killing saihara!!!

piano geek: it's okay gonta, he's just overreacting

supreme leader™: oiii i'm the only one who's allowed to manipulate saihara-chan!

nocturnal: NO??

nocturnal: i'm leaving

astro boy: against the rules, bro

nocturnal: AHAVSKADHWJ

local genius: YESS WE'RE BULLYING SHITTYHARA

mom: stop bullying Saihara

supreme leader™: but mooooom!!! :(

 

(Monday 10:03 a.m.)

 

kiibo: someone please explain why one of the third years is so interested in me..??

nocturnal: i'm guessing it's souda. pink hair, hat?

kiibo: ….yes? how did you know that?

nocturnal: he's a mechanic. i'm sure he wants to know how you work

supreme leader™: let him take you apart, kiibaby~

kiibo: no!???!?!!?

Shinguji Korekiyo: You should all be paying attention in class

local genius: FUCK THE SYSTEM

local genius: also TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF

kiibo: NO?

it's an avocado: the only third year i know is hinata hajime, only because he has different colored eyes

piano geek: oh yeah! i also know komaeda, because those two are dating

it's an avocado: y'know who those two remind me of..

piano geek: LMAOABWHSHS SHHHH

local genius: does anyone even know why his eyes are like that. i mean kinda weird

piano geek: no, but to be fair, we have kiibo, ouma, knife emoji, and shuichi. no robophobia intended kiibo

kiibo: ok… i understand me, ouma, and harukawa, but. saihara???

piano geek: :^)

nocturnal: .. anyway

mom: if you don't get off your phones…

piano geek: EEP

 

(Monday 3:52 p.m.)

 

knife emoji: now that it's a decent hour and we're all out of school i can bring this up

knife emoji: why was shuichi up so late

bugs life: he said he left lights on, right?

astro boy: did someone mention… shuichi's sleep schedule

nocturnal

piano geek: okay, this whole week you've had the shittiest sleep schedule on earth and you expect us to just not talk about it?

knife emoji: we care.

astro boy: how many times do i have to tell u. you aren't alone

nocturnal: i know. i just can't talk about it right now, so let's not play detective with my life for now, ok? 

kiibo: let me know if you need anything?

nocturnal: of course



best friend squad !! ☆

(Monday 4:06 p.m.)

 

kai: shuichi

kai: you okay?

harumaki: ^

bisaster: yeah, seriously!

bisaster: nothing's wrong or anything!! i promise, it's just not something i'm really allowed to talk about

harumaki: if you're positive, shuichi.

bisaster: i am :)

harumaki: <3

kai: <3

bisaster: <3

kai: we still on for training tonight? or is it better for you if we take a break?

bisaster: no, i wouldn't miss it for anything

harumaki: kaito, he has abs now.. it's too much power, you know. 

kai: AHSJXHSHSK YOU RIGHT

bisaster: i hate this fucking family

 

 

Untitled chat

(Monday 4:21 p.m.)

 

local genius: hahahAHAHAHA 420

it's an avocado: it's that Time

kiibo: your clocks are both a minute behind

local genius : FUCK

animugi: HAHAHA

local genius: DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT ME. IM GRIEVJNG

knife emoji: to put it kindly, you just got fucking destroyed

it's an avocado: sir….this is a mcdonalds drive thru…

piano geek: OH HEY the chat has no name

Chabashira Tenko: i will fix this. 

 

Chabashira Tenko changed their nickname to softball, probably.

softball, probably changed Yumeno Himiko's nickname to magic lesbian.

softball, probably changed the chat name to 'girls >>>'.

 

piano geek: youeaee sodduxkdfucking. Righti. 

magic lesbian: thanks, very cool

astro boy: i agree

knife emoji: stop breathing. heterosexuality is a disease, and you're spreading it

astro boy: IM NOT EVEN STRAIGHT???

knife emoji: …...what

mom: This is news.

astro boy: HUH????

softball, probably: you aren't?

it's an avocado: damn i really thought....

astro boy: are you all STUPID or do you just have REALLY SELECTIVE MEMORIES

astro boy: because you're all conveniently forgetting that whole ass MONTH where i wanted to kiss shuichi right on the damn mouth

knife emoji: but.. everyone has that, unless they're lesbian.

it's an avocado: yeah youre not special

astro boy: DUDE

nocturnal: WHAT????

piano geek: why are u whating

nocturnal: KAITO LIKED ME????

kiibo: . saihara...

mom: Are you… serious? you're being genuine right now

animugi: this is so painful ..

knife emoji: shuichi.. he confessed to you and you turned him down

nocturnal: I WHAT?????

astro boy: h. holy shit. shuichi

astro boy: it went a little like "wow shuichi, i like you a lot. can i kiss you" "ah… n-no thank you, my mouth is not… that's not a good idea"

nocturnal: YOU WERE CONFESSING????????

local genius: this is an actual conversation right now

local genius: these are actual fucking words

piano geek: shuichi

piano geek : WHAT ELSE WOULD THAT MEAN

nocturnal: I DONT KNOW??? I DIDN'T GET IT

knife emoji: jesus. 

nocturnal: there is no way everyone has that. no way

kiibo: no, saihara. they do. they really do

it's an avocado: it's kinda hard not to

astro boy: i didn't even know i was bi until i met you

piano geek: yeah really i met you and immediately fell for u

local genius: ya i had that

the messiah: mhm!

animugi: ^

magic lesbian: oh, are we talking about crushing on saihara?

magic lesbian: i did before i knew i was lesbian. and in love with tenko

nocturnal: WHY?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS

piano geek: that's what im wondering. what kind of detective are you even. shuichi babe if someone comes up to you and says can i kiss you it means I Want To Be With You, Can I Put My Lips On Your Lips Consensually?

knife emoji: if i didn't know you id be more confused, but sadly, i saw this coming

nocturnal: sorry kaito.. i didn't mean to be rude back then

local genius: YEAH LMAO WHAT KINDA "MY MOUTH IS NOT… THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA"

nocturnal: ._.

astro boy: i didn't know that u were. confused about what i meant. but im no longer crushing on you so maybe this is good

the messiah: atua says wow saihara is a DUMBASS

nocturnal: thats rude atua :v

knife emoji: shuichi..

nocturnal: y'all really want me to leave this chat huh… that's really what ur going for here

kiibo: i can't actually force you to stay, but it would be a shame!

nocturnal

nocturnal: fine

piano geek: i see u kiibo. i see u

mom: Where is Ouma? his absence from chat makes me nervous.

supreme leader™: see, i had this thought, right 

supreme leader™: hot dogs explode in microwaves, but we don't have any

kiibo: oh no

supreme leader™: but i really wanted to explode something in the microwave!!!! so i googled it 

supreme leader™: and that's how i exploded twenty eggs at once

local genius: what the fuck 

kiibo: kokichi why

supreme leader™: also you need a new microwave kiibaby~

kiibo: KOKICHI

supreme leader™: the Christmas lights were really pretty, though!

nocturnal: what the hell

piano geek:

kiibo: trade me roommates. someone PLEASE. PLEASE

it's an avocado: yeah, uh.. no

wii sports tennis: you can keep the gremlin.

supreme leader™: you're all so mean D: i'm positively BAWLING right now

supreme leader™: or maybe that's just the fumes. who knows!

kiibo: if i have to take you to an urgent care and tell them you need medical attention because you microwaved christmas lights, i'm gonna be mad

supreme leader™: D: you can't stay mad at lil ole me, kiibaby! 

nocturnal: ..ouma

supreme leader™: yeeees shumai, my beloved saihara-chan, light of my life

nocturnal: sticking things in microwaves is dangerous. plus by the sounds of it you're in the dorms, so what happens if the whole building catches fire?

supreme leader™: yikers!

nocturnal: ..take the stuff to the dumpster jesus christ

mom: Thank you for doing it for me, saihara

nocturnal: now im gonna take a whole ass nap and i am LOCKING THE DOOR

local genius: DAMMIT. no dicks

local genius: UNLESS

astro boy: you're not getting my key

knife emoji: or mine

piano geek: or mine

local genius: DAMN YOU

nocturnal: WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE A KEY TO NY ROOM

Chapter Text

girls >>>

(Tuesday 5:38 a.m.)

 

nocturnal: okay checked about confidentiality stuff and i found out it's fine to tell u

nocturnal: im up late recently because i was asked to work a case abt a week ago

nocturnal: and i wanna get it right 

nocturnal: ..i am Really tired i've been up all night i amm goig to bed gn

 

(Tuesday 7:44 a.m.)

 

piano geek: A CASE??? SHUICHI!!

piano geek: WAIT YOU SENT THAT AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING

knife emoji:  how long has it been since he's worked a case??

kiibo: i believe it was the murder case?

astro boy: hush

kiibo: oh. right

mom: we're really proud of you Saihara, but by the time you wake up you'll have gotten less than 3 hours of sleep

supreme leader™: a man dedicated to his work! kinda hot ngl :))))

kiibo: no?!?!?

local genius: i a. Am also dedicated to my work….

supreme leader™: shut up pig

local genius: HOT

kiibo: okay. i'll be on saihara detail today and keep him awake in class!

kiibo: and make sure he naps during study hall, so he doesn't fall asleep in class!

kiibo: and give him notes, for when he falls asleep in class!

piano geek: he's still gonna fall asleep in class

kiibo: i know, but it's the thought that counts!

knife emoji: sometimes, kiibo, the thought doesn't count enough 

astro boy: u just gotta square ur thoughts

local genius: what the fuck

astro boy: thoughts²

knife emoji: you are so fucking stupid

animugi: he said that with his whole chest..

it's an avocado: embarrassing, luv

astro boy: HELLO???

 

(Tuesday 8:22 a.m.)

 

nocturnal: FUCK

supreme leader™: look, everyone! it's saihara-chan!

kiibo: good morning saihara!

nocturnal: KIIBO WHY

kiibo: ….you needed sleep?

nocturnal: WASGSIWHFLSHWDHO

piano geek: gm sleeping beauty :)

nocturnal: gdi y'all

astro boy: look at this dude… Getting the sleep he deserves.

nocturnal: ahohsavdka dL

it's an avocado: you are very incoherent rn

nocturnal: need coffee. No time to make coffee

mom: I've already made some, Saihara. drop by the kitchen.

nocturnal: I SUDDENLY BELIEVE IN ATUA

the messiah: as you should!



bffls ミ✭ -- Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuichi

(Tuesday 8:33 a.m.)

 

shoeitchy: ..kaede

shoeitchy: can i do this?

shoeitchy: i don't even think i can be a detective i can't do this, i shouldn't even be at hope's peak at all, i really hate this talent 

shoeitchy: i'm not good enough, how did i even think i could work a case? stupid

kayayaday: sir you're spiralling

kayayaday: how much sleep did you get?

kayayaday: since you're an insomniac usually anyway

shoeitchy: um?"!*!

kayayaday: answer and tell the truth

shoeitchy: like an hour?

kayayaday: that's it go back to bed

shoeitchy: kaede i can't

kayayaday: bullshit, you're gonna have a panic attack today, you know how you get when you don't sleep 

shoeitchy: i have an Education that awaits me .

kayayaday: shuichi…

shoeitchy: i'll be fine!

kayayaday: ok famous last words and you KNOW IT

shoeitchy: i'll shut my phone off for the day if it makes you feel better



girls >>>

(Tuesday 8:45 a.m.)

 

supreme leader™: and saihara-chan dashes in literal milliseconds before the bell rings! night time training must be going well!

piano geek: he's got his phone turned off

kiibo: ah, that makes sense

it's an avocado: hey, is he gonna be okay…? he looks very anxious

piano geek: he's running on an hour of sleep which means he only has part of his mind able to deal with his crippling insecurities.

piano geek: HES SPIRALLING EVERYONE

softball, probably: listen i know he's a degenerate but he's significantly less degenerate than most of you degenerates

softball, probably: he's second only to gonta

animugi: everyone is second to gonta..

bugs life: :D thank you but gonta thinks his friends are all first !!

it's an avocado: ….literal ray of sunshine

local genius: so what are we doing about shittyhara

piano geek: i told him to just skip class today but he wouldn't. i don't know what he needs when he gets like this

kiibo: i wish i could help. and i already sense the robophobia, so don't even

magic lesbian: a sixth sense… and he doesn't even use mana

mom: everyone pay attention please. we'll discuss further face to face.

supreme leader™: a pass to talk in class from mom herself? HELLA

 

(Tuesday 10:11 a.m.)

 

piano geek: oh my god, of course today was mandatory talent day..

mom: whose lab is closest to saihara's?

knife emoji: mine.

kiibo: is it possible for you to keep an eye on him?

knife emoji: he's right next door, it should be fine

knife emoji: just kidding, he's gone

piano geek: ..wh

knife emoji: h . you guys forget he's a detective. he's probably trying to avoid us

nocturnal: haha, so like, heres the thing 

nocturnal: i don't care to admit it when i'm wrong

nocturnal: kaede i was wrong you were right say i told. u so

it's an avocado: shuichi where are you?

nocturnal: im fine, im just in the bathroom

piano geek: yeah, having a panic attack

astro boy: oh shit should one of us go

nocturnal: no?

mom: momota, you're on the sixth floor, and you know how strict they are up there. they won't let you down.

astro boy: fuck school rights

supreme leader™: oh no!

kiibo: kokichi i think this falls on you. i am also on the sixth floor

knife emoji: girls can't go in the bathroom.

nocturnal: oh my godnno

nocturnal: don't

nocturnal: do not

supreme leader™: haha sheesh saihara-chan, you hate me that much?

nocturnal: it isn't that

nocturnal: don't want people to see me like this

nocturnal: also don't say anything pls

 

(Tuesday 12:05 p.m.)

 

nocturnal: i'm sorry. really, i don't get like that often.

astro boy: you really waited til lunch to text so we wouldn't be on our phones in class. i don't know if i should be annoyed or

supreme leader™: a terrible liar as always, my beloved saihara-chan!

nocturnal: ...yeah, i know

it's an avocado : not to be that guy but i'm going to be that guy

it's an avocado: this is serious shuichi and i'm pretty sure you already know that, but you really do need help? i mean i'm pretty sure it affects your life if this is anything to go by

nocturnal: mm

piano geek: oh no, he's mming. stop mming

knife emoji: where are you at now?

nocturnal: ah.. kiibo-kun.

kiibo: hm?

nocturnal: hold on

knife emoji: clearly i need to be more threatening if you feel safe enough to ignore me

nocturnal: sorry, maki.. love u?

knife emoji: duh.

knife emoji: love u too

astro boy: BEST FRIEND SQUAD

local genius: today is so fucking surreal



cryptids *:・♡゚. -- Saihara Shuichi, Kiibo

(Tuesday 12:14 p.m.)

 

kiibs: guessing you want me to dm you?

shuu: yeah.

kiibs: you know, you can still talk to me.

shuu: well

shuu: that's actually what i wanted to do

shuu: would you come to my lab? sorry to pull you from lunch.. you and kaede are really the only ones i'm comfortable with seeing me right now, but you..

kiibs: it's alright. i'll bring you some food up. even if i'm not a human, you are!

shuu: kiibo, you know you're practically human. you can even eat now, right?

kiibs: well, yes, but i don't need to. so i usually don't

shuu: thanks, kiibo-kun.

kiibs: just kiibs is fine, you know

shuu: you're the one that started calling me saihara..

kiibs: ...i'm just going to head up there

shuu: good choice :)



girls >>>

(Tuesday 3:57 p.m.)

 

supreme leader™: well crew, what have we learned today!

it's an avocado: .. a lot

local genius: shittyhara has like a million panic attacks a week AND he doesn't know how to fucking sleep like a normal human

nocturnal: untrue

animugi: harukawa is miraculously capable of showing affection!

knife emoji: choke on your own saliva and please die while you're doing that

magic lesbian: something is going on with kiibo and saihara..

kiibo: which would absolutely be no one's business, by the way!

nocturnal: there's really not

piano geek: ..how about good stuff! shuichi is working cases again!! 

astro boy: IM SO PROUD OF MY SIDEKICK…. i hope he gets along fine without me

nocturnal: ...ah, kaito.

knife emoji: see, shuichi is too nice, but i am not. if anyone is the sidekick it's you kaito

astro boy: OI??

nocturnal: well, no not exactly?

local genius: fuckin' masochist

nocturnal: nno???

animugi: it's okay, saihara! we don't judge you for being yourself!

supreme leader™ : oh.. no one's judging ;)

nocturnal: kiibs can i break the rule

kiibo: no

nocturnal:

it's an avocado: oh my god this is so sad. kaede, play fingers in his ass

piano geek: I want to cry. Why would you say something like that to me? After all I've done for you, after all I've done for this family, and this is what I get? Don't ever speak to me again. You'll sorely regret it.

it's an avocado: HSJDHXJDH

knife emoji: i don't say it enough, but i despise this group chat and the people in it

wii sports tennis: welcome to the club

piano geek: shuichi you should take a nap

supreme leader™: and if there's room for two, you absolutely have a willing participant!

nocturnal: shut up

piano geek: me or him????

nocturnal: u pick :)

piano geek: GASP

wii sports tennis: absolutely ruthless

astro boy: guys gals and non-binary pals, this is power

supreme leader™: but saihara-channnn!!!!

nocturnal: i really just. like you so much more when your mouth is shut

supreme leader™: eye-

supreme leader™: ok…….

nocturnal: good 

it's an avocado:

local genius: WHERE RHW HELL DID THIS DEVELOPMENT COME FROM

animugi: very ooc ...

 

kiibo changed supreme leader™ 's nickname to gay disaster .



the circus -- Ouma Kokichi, Kiibo

(Tuesday 4:17 p.m.)

 

dumbass:

genuinely sane: WE ARE MINORS KOKICHI

dumbass: OK I DONT ACTUALLY BUT

dumbass: H

dumbass: HYPOTHETICALLY?

genuinely sane: i am not trying to egg you on, but

dumbass: pplease continue

genuinely sane: ..pretty sure you're the only one that brings out that side of him

dumbass: IIIIIII

genuinely sane: please do not ever text me about this again

dumbass: o rite, something's going on

dumbass: you're not gonna steal saihara-chan from me are you, kiibaby?~

genuinely sane: no?? why would you even suggest such a thing? i would never do that to you.

dumbass: woah woa okay chill out there motherboard???

dumbass: now i KNOW something is going on

genuinely sane: there isn't.

dumbass: no robophobia claims either?

dumbass: it's okay, kiibs! i'll draw it out of ya!

genuinely sane: really, you won't




girls >>>

(Tuesday 5:49 p.m.)

 

gay disaster : [image attachment]

gay disaster: fast asleep!

piano geek: WOW HES SO cUTE

kiibo: squishy cheeks :)

gay disaster: kiiboy you're literally right beside me

it's an avocado: suddenly my old gay crush on shuichi rears its head

astro boy: SAME LOOK AT HIS HAIR

local genius: this is gonna sound weird aight? and for once i don't mean this shit in a sexual way because looking at the picture it feels fucking illegal to sexualize him 

local genius: but his eyelashes are so long and i want them

piano geek: actually it's not weird. i've been telling him that since we were kids, he has such nice eyelashes

piano geek: you should see them with mascara, he always gets it in his eyebrows

piano geek: actually so many of you have such pretty eyelashes like wtf!

piano geek: miu? himiko? amami? angie? tsumugi? tojo? TENKO? MAKI!!

piano geek: im too bi for this.

magic lesbian: ahhhh… thank uuuu

softball, probably: it's always a good day when a pretty girl compliments you!!!!!

mom: Thank you, Akamatsu, that's really sweet of you

the messiah: you're very pretty also kaede :)

it's an avocado: aw thanks kaede! my sisters used to put makeup on me practically 24/7 haha

local genius: hhhhthank u so much?!"!!,+##8<¥¢

knife emoji: thank you kaede :)

animugi: ohmygosh <3

kiibo: women are being respected, and i am very happy for it!

gay disaster: he's snoring, what a nerd!

astro boy: love one (1) boy

knife emoji: i also love one (1) boy

astro boy: HEY

knife emoji: sorry, shuichi is my favorite

astro boy: BUT WE'RE BEST FRIEND SQUAD!! I BROUGHT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER

piano geek: is it the soft snores, or loud ones?

kiibo: soft! he's kind of whimpering, which is worrying.

piano geek: shuichis a cutie but he also has nightmares & is a light sleeper so don't disturb him you guys!

kiibo: i know!

astro boy: it makes me so sad when he has nightmares literally makes me want to cry

gay disaster : [image attached]

it's an avocado: noo it won't load, what is it?

gay disaster: a selfie with kiibaby and a cute still sleeping saihara-chan!

gay disaster: they're really the cutest nishishi~

kiibo: kokichi don't start!!!

piano geek: SO CUTE <3 even ouma surprisingly

knife emoji: ouma i do not like you but that image is very soft

it's an avocado: kiibo appreciation hour?

bugs life: gonta thinks this is a good idea!!! ouma, saihara, and kiibo are all very cute and deserve love and support!

gay disaster: holy shit. my crops are flourishing my skin is clear my grades are up the world is at peace

gay disaster: anyway stan kiibaby i hate him but he's my best friend and he's kinda cute so <3

piano geek: kiibo is so sweet and amazing

softball, probably: he is also barely passable! not a degenerate at all!

it's an avocado: we aren't very close kiibo but you are very cute & soft :)

magic lesbian: you always help others.. it's nice

kiibo: thank you all very very much. i never really had friends before this class so i am very lucky to have you all. if anyone deserves appreciation it's you guys

gay disaster: ehehe, he's crying~

kiibo: kokichi!!!

kiibo: ahhh miu why did you make me able to cry i do not like it! my vision is blurry and i feel very vulnerable!

astro boy: this shit is so cute..

local genius: listen here kiibo you stupid ass hunk of metal. you're my best friend in this whole world n i wouldn't trade you for anything. i'm really glad i can help your dumbass feel more human and fit in with the rest of the class. you're just like the rest of us you know.

gay disaster: oh my gosh, miu has a heart!

local genius: SHUT UP TWINK

kiibo: thank you miu, i do not know what i'd do without you :)

local genius: hhhhhchshs

local genius: you wouldn't be cryin eatin or sleepin that's for damn sure!

it's an avocado: wholesome time! 

piano geek: wow im so proud of everyone for being so nice :')

the messiah: it's because atua will strike anyone dead if they say a bad word about kiibo! he told me himself!

gay disaster: can i try?

the messiah: be my guest!~

piano geek: NO GDI

mom: As much as I love Kiibo, you all are forgetting that we have weekly study hall together right now. As in, right now

astro boy: OH SHIT

kiibo: does shuu have to?

piano geek: mommm pls don't make him!

it's an avocado: poor boy needs rest

mom: Of course he doesn't have to. But Kiibo and Ouma, mostly Ouma, you do

gay disaster: MANNNN D:

 

(Tuesday 8:03 p.m.)

 

nocturnal: ouma i can't BELIEVE you 

nocturnal: you let me drool on CONFIDENTIAL FILES 

gay disaster: awww~

gay disaster: and kiiboy was there too :(

nocturnal: yeah but kiibs isn't evil

gay disaster: wow okay

nocturnal: AND you let me miss kiibs appreciation hour? unforgivable. this is a crime against me

astro boy: wow, the sexual tension is palpable

nocturnal: ..kaito i trusted you,

piano geek: babe you DROOLED ON THEM?

knife emoji: do i call him cute or a dumbass

astro boy: it's fine bro! just blame ouma

gay disaster: WHY ME?

nocturnal: you're right. this is your fault

gay disaster: im so wounded, saihara-chan :( just throw me in the deep end why don't you :(((

nocturnal: well yeah 

nocturnal: wait

wii sports tennis: y'all are a mess

mom: Yeah, that's true

kiibo: thank you for saying i'm not evil! people tend to assume i'm like kokichi

gay disaster: wow all of you said fuck kokichi rights today huh

nocturnal: deep end.. DEEP END 

local genius: oh fuck he's lost his fucking mind 

nocturnal: OH MY GOD OUMA YOURE A GENIUS

knife emoji: ...he's a what.

animugi: oh no, saihara really has gone insane..

gay disaster: yes thank you saihara-chan, i am a genius!

gay disaster: ..now um. what did i do

nocturnal: the deep end. you just solved this case ouma oh my god i am so happy thank you so much i could KISS YOU 

piano geek: mom there are gay people here I wanna go home......

gay disaster: wow, i should speak more often if it makes you wanna kiss me!

nocturnal: oh my god. i'm so happy that i don't even want to strangle you for your insincere flirting

piano geek: his.

piano geek: im going to go feral..

it's an avocado: shhh kaede

knife emoji: useless

nocturnal: i've got a case to solve you guys!! i forgot how exciting this is!

gay disaster: OH MY GOD, WAIT

local genius: damn saihara that is COLD

piano geek:

Chapter Text

girls >>>

(Wednesday 1:14 a.m.)

 

gay disaster: after much deliberation, i have decided: emotions are for ugly people

gay disaster: and i 

gay disaster: am the most BEAUTIFUL BITCH ON THIS PLANET

gay disaster: thank you, and good night ✨

 

(Wednesday 6:29 a.m.)

 

piano geek: well someone is feeling edgy..

gay disaster: feelings are illegal! and i am a law abiding citizen who does not feel <3

knife emoji: never once have you followed the law

gay disaster: aww, people change harumaki!

knife emoji: i want to kill you

gay disaster: you are NOT one of those people YIKES

mom: it is always Those Two

 

(Wednesday 6:58 a.m.)

 

magic lesbian: good morninggg..

softball, probably: himiko and i have decided to be more active in here! 

knife emoji: what a fear inducing concept

wii sports tennis: tbh i also want to 

wii sports tennis: so who wants to adopt cats

animugi: isn't that against the rules…?

wii sports tennis: not if they never find out

the messiah: atua says he will protect the cats from the school!

mom: I would normally be against this

mom: ...but I think we could all use some cats here. So long as everyone handles the responsibility, which shouldn't be hard with 16 of us, but I also know all of you.

it's an avocado: is anyone allergic?

gay disaster: i am :( sorry everyone. guess we have no cat..

it's an avocado: oh okay

wii sports tennis: a life allergic to cats is not a life i could live. sorry to ya

animugi: sorry ouma :( 

gay disaster: i was lying. i'm not allergic to cats! 

wii sports tennis: oh ok that's good then

gay disaster: wow, you really believed me!

astro boy: prolly better to just ask in class today when everyone's around

nocturnal: i will Not be around but don't worry i am not allergic! i love cats!

knife emoji: you won't be in class?

piano geek: ^^ ?

kiibo: are you okay?

magic lesbian: your case is solved, right…???

nocturnal: no i won't be in class, yes i'm okay, and yes i believe it's solved. it's the reason i'll be out. have to contact the police department and go over the case, probably hold a few more interrogations, set trial dates

nocturnal: . And this is very boring no one cares aa im srry

piano geek: no, we definitely care!! that's really awesome shuichi. i'm so proud

kiibo: it's been awhile since you worked a case!

gay disaster: but saihara-chan, the trial is the hardest part. y'know, where you look the culprit in the eye, and find out their own truth.. sheesh, sends shivers down my spine just thinking of it! it wasn't the investigation that got to you, it was that part, right? :)

nocturnal: ..yeah, that's true. i want to say i'm completely over it, but that'd be a lie. i'm still scared.

piano geek: i think everyone is scared of the truth, shuichi. it's only natural! but you've gotta fight for it, because you can. i believe in you. if it gets hard, think of all of us, and how proud we are of you, and how strong we think you are! 

piano geek: that way you can get through this, and find your path. you're the ultimate detective for a reason. cherish that! you're so much more amazing than you think!!

nocturnal: kaede rly has me crying this early huh.

astro boy: she wasn't even talking to me and im in tears bro 

piano geek: IM SORRY

softball, probably: this class is very blessed to have you kaede!

gay disaster: i thought everyone got their wholesome out last night… boringgggggg!

kiibo: are you okay?

gay disaster: hah? where is that coming from?

nocturnal: you're already acting strange today, and it's only 7am. it's pretty obvious

it's an avocado: yeah it really is noticeable 

astro boy: . i am begrudgingly agreeing

gay disaster: hehehe~ you guys care about meeee~

astro boy: nevermind obviously he's fine. annoying little shit

nocturnal: no, he's distracting you, and it worked

astro boy: ...i feel like i just got called an idiot, but nicely

knife emoji: yeah.

astro boy: HAKFHRJDN?

gay disaster: aw, but saihara-chan, what was that you said the other day?

gay disaster: "let's not play detective with my life for now, ok?"

gay disaster: ehehehe

nocturnal

local genius: damn he really did that shit

nocturnal: to be fair i didn't know if it was literally illegal to tell you 

gay disaster: right, but if you're honest, you don't want anyone weaseling around in your head, right saihara-chan? 

nocturnal: you're really good at pushing buttons, ouma.

kiibo: kokichi, calm down. shuichi, just ignore him, i don't know what's wrong with him right now..

gay disaster: who said something was wrong, kiiboy?

piano geek: ouma it is literally a given at this point

magic lesbian: nnn.. we're trying to worry about you, you know…

nocturnal: ouma.

gay disaster : okay, fine, something is wrong

gay disaster: ...but i'm a liar, so who knows? nishishi~

astro boy: it's actually infuriating how everytime he types something, you can imagine the exact way he'd say it and what facial expression he'd be making

animugi: that's exactly what i was thinking…

knife emoji: that also means it's easier to imagine his face when you're strangling him. though maybe that's actually just the memory

gay disaster: awww harumaki, i thought we'd made progress since then? :(

knife emoji: it is impossible to like you

mom: Alright, don't encourage him. Just get ready for class, all of you. Grab breakfast before you go, it's all on the table.

gay disaster: thank you moooom~

 

(Wednesday 9:43 a.m.)

 

it's an avocado: okay, i'm usually not one to complain, but in the labs two days in a row? i'm so bored

piano geek: yeah, not all of you have much to do in your labs..

it's an avocado: yeah like what the hell can't do much adventuring in here i sit and stare at my postcards until lunch

astro boy: felt that

bugs life: gonta like lab days :)

gay disaster: I AM DYING OF BOREDOM

gay disaster: there's not even any saihara-chan to distract me today!!!!

nocturnal: glad i mean something to you ouma-kun

gay disaster: MY BELOVED

it's an avocado: oh shuichi, thank god. please give us something. SCRAPS

nocturnal: ummmm?

kiibo: it is very boring here

astro boy: SHUICHI PLEASE THERE'S NOTHING TO DO WE NEED ENTERTAINMENT

knife emoji: me too

nocturnal: i don't really know what you want me to say?

nocturnal: i'm at the department??

knife emoji: please continue

nocturnal: shit i have to go, more interrogating

astro boy: DAMMIT BRO

it's an avocado: our savior is gone..

gay disaster: well that sucks!

gay disaster : https://youtu.be/m24DPDKZ4zA

gay disaster: who in this class

knife emoji: kaito

magic lesbian: yeah definitely…

animugi: either him or rantaro 

it's an avocado: HAHSHDSH GO AWAY MUGI

astro boy: NO????

kiibo : https://youtu.be/E1p_cJLu7vs kokichi, you were copying this video that one time weren't you.

gay disaster: there's fou

piano geek: oh my god wait i remember that, kiibo you said basically the exact same thing the guy in the video says

kiibo: only with more disappointment.

gay disaster: nEHEHEH THERES FOU

knife emoji: jesus i hate this class

piano geek: omg guys class rep speaking

gay disaster: booo no one caressss

piano geek: i was thinking about ^ tht video and what if on friday evening we all just kinda hang out and be chaotic together and stuff? we all tend to stick to groups, so it'd be good to get out of that!

wii sports tennis: it can be a housewarming party for the new cats

gay disaster: DO WE ALL GET TO GO ADOPT THE CATS????

kiibo: for some reason, i feel like all 16 of us leaving at once would be vaguely suspicious

piano geek: one of the ones to stay back should definitely be you, ouma!

gay disaster: DDDD: whyyyy?

astro boy: i can practically hear him fake sobbing

softball, probably: no, not practically. you just CAN and IF IT DOESN'T STOP

piano geek: you're really good at lying, right?

knife emoji: that's an understatement. it also makes it sound like a good quality, which it is not

gay disaster: i hate liars, y'know.

it's an avocado: i KNOW he's lying but it still throws me for a loop. THAT'S how good he is

piano geek: anyway, if the faculty gets suspicious, you're the perfect guy to steer them off track! shuichi too, mostly because everyone thinks he's a goody two shoes who never ever lies and would never do anything bad in his life

nocturnal: they think that because i am that..

kiibo: you are fooling exactly no one, shuu. zero people

piano geek: ^^^

gay disaster: hehehe

gay disaster: you're leaving me and saihara-chan aaaaall by ourselves?~ 

nocturnal: ahhh.. as terrifying as those words are i think we'll be fine

gay disaster: oooooh!

piano geek: what the hell why would i leave you two alone

gay disaster: BOOOO

piano geek: aside from u guys anyone can volunteer to stay back! 

mom: I will. 

knife emoji: ..yeah me too.

piano geek: okok let's talk more at lunch when i can write things down! you guys might be bored but i still have a piano i can play, so

it's an avocado: wow jus rubbing it in our faces….



best friend squad !! ☆ 

(Wednesday 9:57 a.m.)

 

bisaster: odd of you to volunteer to spend extra time around ouma, maki

harumaki: ...shut up

kai: ah

bisaster: i could, but i won't.

bisaster: what's your plan?

harumaki: you really think i've got one.

bisaster: you always do

kai: this is so fucking awkward

harumaki: ok, fine

harumaki: i don't want him around you.

bisaster: ...huh?

harumaki: when he acts like this, he's unpredictable. who knows if he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and will be fine tomorrow

harumaki: but until i know for sure, i don't want him around you.

bisaster: maki…

kai: THATS SO CUTE

harumaki: do you want to die.

bisaster: i love you, maki. thank you for looking out for me.

harumaki: i love you too. i know you know him better than most of us and have mostly grown accustomed to him, but…

bisaster: i get it!

kai: i can stay back too! we can spend the day together!

bisaster: well… you definitely can, if you want

bisaster: but i don't want to push him away just because he's acting like this. that sounds.. lonely, i guess

bisaster: so.. you guys can keep an eye on us? that way i don't have to isolate him, but you guys can still… protect me?

harumaki: ...i suppose that's fine.

kai: okay shuichi

kai: <3

bisaster: <3

harumaki: <3

bisaster: i swear, if the rest of the class saw maki in this group chat..

kai: PFFFTAJFHHS



girls >>>

(Wednesday 11:29 a.m.)

 

piano geek: AHHHHH GUYS!!!!

it's an avocado: and what happened to "i have a piano to play"

piano geek: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!

piano geek: HEADMASTER KIRIGIRI JUST STOPPED BY AND TOLD ME I'VE BEEN INVITED TO PLAY FOR THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE

piano geek: AND THEN A WEEK AFTER THAT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES???

astro boy: holy shit kaede!!! that's so fucking cool

gay disaster: whaaaaat?? how come no one wants me to come to their country :(

kiibo: you would probably try to take it over

gay disaster: point taken~

kiibo: anyway, that's amazing kaede!

softball, probably: a beautiful powerful woman playing her beautiful powerful music for two other beautiful powerful women? humanity is shaking

piano geek: i know they're both so pretty,

mom: I've met the US president, and she is truly a delight. One of the sweetest women I've ever met, especially in power.

piano geek: oh my gosh really

kork: and I once traveled to France, and met the president. She's very no nonsense, but I wouldn't consider her mean

piano geek: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPOSE MYSELF IN FRONT OF THEM THEY ARE SO PRETTY AND TALENTED

knife emoji: easy. just remind yourself that you're even prettier, and also talented

piano geek: i

piano geek: ahduwhdjshkdcksebkdchshwkxhsjfkdvwj

nocturnal: great, maki. you've killed her

knife emoji: it's true

piano geek: HARUMAKIIIII

animugi: this is so perfect! now our lil cat party on friday can also be for your invitations!

piano geek: omg guys!! 

nocturnal: when do you have to leave?

piano geek: i head to france in a little less than two weeks, and i'm flying to the u.s. from there

nocturnal: ughhhhh i can't even happy scream :/

astro boy: bro shuichi one day you're gonna be working there. like for money and shit. for a whole ass living isn't that wild

nocturnal: why? why the fuck would you say that?

piano geek: AHAJDJSCHAJDHSJ

astro boy: SHIT BRO MY B

it's an avocado: im aisgahsgagcja-

kiibo: it's that bad?

nocturnal: THAT BAD? i will commit not alive if im here much longer. it's so loud and busy. i don't even know how these people do any solving at all in this environment when i have to shut myself in my room to get anything done

nocturnal: whoops, rambling 

astro boy: bro imagine being as cute n talented as shuichi

piano geek: RIGHT???

magic lesbian: i still remember when kaede and shuichi first showed up on move in day…. we all thought they were dating

nocturnal: ewwww

piano geek: that was NOT necessary

nocturnal: ….ewwwwww

kiibo: ...in retrospect, they're much more like siblings or really close friends..

mom: That was a lapse in judgement. 

animugi: it's hard to even remember how much we all used to ship you two… it's just so weird to think about now (●´⌓`●)

nocturnal: y'all really wildin. also that was literally what, like a semester ago?

wii sports tennis: and then there was the harukawa and momota stuff

astro boy: bro i was head over heels…...

mom: Another lapse in judgement.

gay disaster: wow, you guys seem to have an affinity for lapses in judgement~

gay disaster: like kiibaby and the bitchlet!

kiibo: oh no.

nocturnal: that one was really bound to happen, though…

local genius: my bad fuckers

gay disaster: no, it's our fault for not knowing you're the horniest whore alive!

local genius: HHHHHH?

mom: . Yes that was the third time our judgement lapsed.

it's an avocado: there was me and ouma too

gay disaster: ...i will never lie again if it means that doesn't get brought up

nocturnal: that was a lie

gay disaster: hehe, you got me!

mom: ...And evidence suggests that was the biggest lapse yet.

piano geek: ANSHAHCHSJ

astro boy: yeah it's kinda obvious now 

knife emoji: sadly.

gay disaster: oi oi oi oi oi

astro boy: u are so annoying

gay disaster: how rude (。•́︿•̀。)

gay disaster: im boredddddddd

gay disaster: kiibabyyyyy

kiibo: i will not use my ahoge as a boomerang

piano geek: WHAT?

nocturnal: oh my god ouma, is that why you googled how boomerangs work? you realize kiibo's hair is. hair. not metal

gay disaster: actually, no. but that's a story for another time!

wii sports tennis: what the fuck does that mean and why does it terrify me as much as it does

gay disaster: aaaaaanywaaaaay

gay disaster: kiibabyyyyyyy

kiibo: kokichi...

gay disaster: kiiiii

kiibo: no

gay disaster: do you know what you should do~

kiibo: no

gay disaster: ehehehehehe

gay disaster: you should come to my lab

kiibo: no

gay disaster: and you should let me hold down that lil deactivate button underneath your shoulder blade for 10 seconds

gay disaster: and see if you reboot like a phone!

astro boy: okay what the FUCK

kork: interesting scenario. Kiibo, does that work?

kiibo: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT BUTTON???

kiibo: I'M NOT A PHONE JACKASS

animugi: i feel like the first message should've never been sent..

magic lesbian: much better to deny it even exists….

kiibo: i don't lie

it's an avocado: oh my god. oh my god has kiibo ever cussed before

kiibo: did you think i couldn't !!?!?!?!!?!!??

nocturnal: he has

astro boy: MAYBE TO YOU PRIVATELY BUT NOT HERE OR TO US

gay disaster: hehehehe~ how's about it kiibaby~

kiibo: NO? ARE YOU INSANE??

gay disaster: owie! i was just curious, y'know? :( what if there comes a life or death situation and i have to reboot you? what if i don't know what to do?!?!

kiibo: that will literally never fucking happen

animugi: that's a death flag..

it's an avocado: oh my god… he said the f word

local genius: who fucking pissed kiibo off

local genius: oh, it was the stupid twink

nocturnal: ouma just tell us what's going on for the love of god

gay disaster: i don't understand why everyone is so mad at me? i'm acting normal

gay disaster: all of this is incredibly in character for me! kiiboy, however

piano geek: ouma, this isn't normal for you and i'm pretty sure you're aware of that

gay disaster: whoops, there's the lunch bell!

astro boy: lucky bastard



the circus -- Ouma Kokichi, Kiibo

(Wednesday 12:22 p.m.)

 

genuinely sane: okay, since you aren't at lunch. what the hell is wrong with you? you've been weird all day today

dumbass: wow, the pig's potty mouth really is rubbing off on you, kiibaby!

genuinely sane: you are even more annoying than usual, which is very hard to achieve, if you didn't know

genuinely sane: so just talk about it.

dumbass: ok. ok ok ok i see you! ok!

genuinely sane: kokichi…

dumbass: i vaguely feel like i just got into a car crash and killed the people in the other car, do you feel me? of course you don't! anyway, im violently repressing this, so it's fine!

dumbass: but you know, i had this fleeting thought. ive been way too honest recently! if i do that people might start listening to me and believing me! sheesh, amateur of me to slip up so badly~

genuinely sane: kokichi, what's wrong with honesty and people believing in you? you need to learn to let people care

dumbass: yeah, about that, um, no!

genuinely sane: why??? you already know that in this class, if someone wants to care about you, they'll do it regardless of what you say.

dumbass: of course i know that silly! that's why i'm not giving them any reason to want to!!

genuinely sane: you've been doing so well recently, kokichi. what is going on with you? you're keeping secrets and lying to me again

dumbass: haha! i'm not the only one with secrets and lies

dumbass: am i, kiibs?

genuinely sane: ...is it really about that? why didn't you just say so? i'll talk to you about it

dumbass: about what?

genuinely sane: you know. saihara. does it bother you that much?

dumbass: ..huh? when did he come up??

genuinely sane: i can't even tell if you're lying right now

dumbass: nishishishi~

genuinely sane: nothing is going on. so just. stop it okay? i don't know if you're jealous, or just sad right now, or what's going through your head…but if i thought it was important, i'd tell you.

dumbass: kiiboy… you feelin' okay? did you hit your head or somethin? you're really confusing me here

genuinely sane: kokichi, please. you already know you can't run me off.

dumbass: i really have no clue what you want from me.

dumbass: anywayssssss, i'm coming down to eat, 'kay? 

genuinely sane: kokichi..

dumbass: oooh, actually, i don't really have time to eat hm?

dumbass: then i'll see you after lunch!~

genuinely sane: you need to eat kokichi. we're not doing this again

dumbass: geez, calm down, motherboard! i've got food in my lab! 

genuinely sane: this conversation is not over

dumbass: o-kay!!!



girls >>>

(Wednesday 6:47 p.m.)

 

piano geek: will all shuichi fanclub members please rise.

nocturnal: KAEDE THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING

astro boy: i am rising but for what purpose

piano geek : fuck it. @everyone

nocturnal: YOU ARE THROWING AWAY A LIFE LONG FRIENDSHIP

piano geek: it's what the people want, shuichi

piano geek : [image attached]

it's an avocado: that is NOT shuichi in a suit

astro boy: OH MY GOD, IT'S SHUICHI IN A SUIT

knife emoji: sometimes i wonder if i'm lesbian, so thank you for the bi reminder

nocturnal: we wear UNIFORMS. I AM BASICALLY WEARING ONE EVERYDAY

piano geek: no but this is different. it is special

local genius: jesus fuck this boy is eye candy 

animugi: YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE SAIHARA!

nocturnal: i literally just wore it to the department meetings and interrogations today but? thank you?

gay disaster: imagine being interrogated by someone wearing THAT who looks like THAT

gay disaster: fck

local genius: lmao the twink wants u to fucking step on him 

local genius: IT DOESN'T WORK IF UR BOTH BOTTOMS

gay disaster: BOTTOM? shut up STUPIDHEAD

kiibo: ….kokichi 

gay disaster: i'll tear your wires out idabashi-chan~

gay disaster: i don't just know where your deactivate button is~

gay disaster: i know sooooo many things~

kiibo: UGH

kiibo: in other news, you look great as always, shuu!

nocturnal: i. thanks ouma….? and thanks kiibs :)

wii sports tennis: i am unnerved by that

wii sports tennis: but you still look spiffy saihara

softball, probably: you look surprisingly nice for a degenerate male, saihara! though i guess you are one of the best!

magic lesbian: nyehhhh tenkooo you should prolly just stop calling him a degenerate altogether… he's really nice

softball, probably: it's true…

softball, probably: you've graduated from degenerate male status, saihara!

nocturnal: awesome!!

piano geek: YOU'RE SO CUTE SHUICHI IT'S NOT FAIR 

nocturnal: :v don't talk to me or my son ever again

it's an avocado: wh

it's an avocado: who's your son

nocturnal: um

nocturnal: gonta

bugs life: !!!!!!

bugs life: you look great !!!!!

nocturnal: my fav <3

piano geek: you're hurting me

nocturnal: what can i say, i'm a heartbreaker

kiibo: don't break someone's heart, they only have one :(

knife emoji: break their bones instead. they have 206 of those

it's an avocado: AJWIDGXUGE

astro boy: HARUMAKI NO

softball, probably: truly a fantastic rule to live by! who needs that many bones?

nocturnal: EVERYONE. THATS WHY WE HAVE THAT MANY

piano geek: TENKO, MAKI, NO

magic lesbian: hehe

magic lesbian: that's my gf!!!

the messiah: that's my best friend !

softball, probably: ATUA LOVES ME RIGHT NOW

the messiah: silly, atua always loves you!

softball, probably: :')

nocturnal: ive always wanted to ask, but who is atua really? 

the messiah: he's the equivalent of your "god" on my home island :)

nocturnal: ah.. where are you from?

the messiah: i am polynesian!

nocturnal: okay

piano geek: you're researching polynesian culture right now aren't you

nocturnal: haha whaaaa tttt no? right kiibs????

kiibo: i

kiibo: I CAN'T LIE WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME TO?

softball, probably: oh no… he gets less and less degenerate male as time goes on… 

the messiah: really…?

the messiah: thank you, saihara, kiibo. i appreciate you trying to understand my culture! you as well as kiyo are the only ones.

kork: ahhh, it's very interesting. And besides, you are my friend.

nocturnal: h of course!!

kiibo: yes! when he told me he planned on it, i thought it was a great idea!

astro boy: shit.. im sorry for mocking atua, angie

local genius: yeah you may be a kooky bitch but that's true even w/o your religion 

the messiah : atua says thank you

the messiah: and as do i.

animugi: pure hours all hours

it's an avocado: it's what we deserve!

Chapter Text

girls >>>

(Thursday 3:44 p.m.)

 

wii sports tennis : it is time

it's an avocado : ominous

kiibo : i'm very excited!!!

gay disaster : 3 exclamation marks? jeez you really are!

animugi : i hope you guys have fun!

knife emoji : find us the perfect cat. it's an order.

piano geek : we totally will!! hold down the fort while we're gone?

astro boy : uh, DUH

mom : Kaito, you're one of the ones we're holding down the fort FROM 

astro boy : AHSJDHJA WHAT

animugi : yeahhh, you and ouma

gay disaster : i am a poster child! the epitome of an angel!

softball, probably : y'all hearin this shit?

nocturnal : it's okay, i can handle them

piano geek : we'll see

piano geek : but anyway, recap! ouma, shuichi, kaito, maki, kirumi, tsumugi, kiyo and rantarou are staying back while the rest of us go get a cat and supplies!

kiibo : this will be fun!!

nocturnal : geez ahsjfja

gay disaster : EVERYONE STAYING HOME, MARIOKART? 

astro boy : HELL YEAH. I'LL KICK YOUR ASS

mom : Please no ass kicking

animugi : are you playing with us, mom?

mom : I don't know...

knife emoji : please mom?

mom

mom : ok

nocturnal : oh my god, maki's power

astro boy : ITS ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY NO TO HER

knife emoji : it is?

knife emoji : okay then. can i kill you

astro boy : yes

astro boy : WAIT

local genius : fucking hell

softball, probably

wii sports tennis : what the fuck what the fuck please never send that gaian ohcmy god

 

(Thursday 5:01 p.m.)

 

gay disaster : THIS TELEMARKETER WONT STOP CALLING SHUMAI

knife emoji : it's obnoxious

local genius : eat their ass

kiibo : DON'T?

gay disaster : ..this is Shuichi he took my phone and he's talking to the telemarketer

piano geek : why do i feel like the police are gonna get called

astro boy : AGWHWGSHGSSV RHIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY

gay disaster : "yes, john? yeah, i'm kind of in a predicament right now sir"

gay disaster : "ah… what kind of predica- MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND I CANT CALL 119 BECAUSE OF YOU"

astro boy : STOP SCREAMING BEFORE SOMEONE ACTUALLY CALLS

kiibo : KOKICHI NO

gay disaster : "OH MY GOD NO NOT MY LIMITED EDITION HAND SOAPS. AHHHHH"

it's an avocado : AGSJDHAJHAHAHA

magic lesbian : dear god

gay disaster : it's kokichi again…. 

gay disaster : his face is so red he's so embarrassed NSUDHAISKA

gay disaster : i think john feels bad for him D: i'm a blessing what is there to feel bad about!!!

kiibo : kokichi…

softball, probably : degenerate 

piano geek : > creates fake emergency

> "what is there to feel bad about!!"

> ….

gay disaster : NOO HES HIDING IN THE BATHROOM

nocturnal : i am never hanging out with you again EVER

gay disaster : SAIHARA-CHANNNN

gay disaster : MY BELOVED

gay disaster : PLEASE COME OUT

nocturnal : IM BI

gay disaster : THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

gay disaster : wait?

knife emoji : congrats on finally saying it on main

nocturnal : i wasnt in the closet at All but i don't think i've actually said it out loud so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

wii sports tennis : not surprised but proud anyway

it's an avocado : nice shuichi! please exit the bathroom

gay disaster : SAIHARA-CHAN I'M SO PROUD OF YOU I CANT BELIEVE THIS HE'S ALL GROWN UP

nocturnal : i hear you fake sobbing stop 

gay disaster : awe no fun :(

gay disaster : how is cat shopping going~

mom : Hoshi is very picky.

wii sports tennis : she will be perfect

kiibo : i've never owned a pet before.. 

piano geek : HUH???

kiibo : this is a very good experience for me!

it's an avocado : i'm goign to cry this is so sad

piano geek : hey, kiibo… what else have you never done?

kiibo : ? um.. i don't know. danced? sang? those are things all of you have done, so i guess they're good examples.

gay disaster : i was going to say that's a lie, but even with all the musicals i force you to listen to, ive never heard you sing 

nocturnal : that's.. a crime. how did we let this happen?

magic lesbian : i feel it coming

animugi : hey, ive got an idea!

magic lesbian : I FEEL IT COMING

animugi : what if we do karaoke night for tomorrow?

magic lesbian : YESSSSSS

kiibo : that sounds awesome!

the messiah : that's so exciting actually!!!

astro boy : i'll woo you ALL

nocturnal : did we really NEVER sing together????

kiibo : no! 

nocturnal : geez..

kiibo : oh, don't feel bad! 

local genius : you two act so fucking weird literally all the time

gay disaster : true! gotta wonder what's up~

nocturnal : can we sing english songs..

piano geek : i should HOPE SO????

nocturnal : good

magic lesbian : if we did karaoke night without musicals? well… let's just say the closest star would be a lot farther away than it is now 

astro boy : gwhts so fuckjgn scary



the circus -- Kokichi Ouma, Kiibo

(Thursday 5:19 p.m.)

 

genuinely sane : kokichi.

dumbass : woaaaa period and EVERYTHING???

genuinely sane : do you remember when i would always gush about shuichi to you? like, a lot?

dumbass : yeah! still can't believe robots are capable of crushing, you know :>

genuinely sane : …. robophobia aside

genuinely sane : don't tell anyone, but we were together

dumbass : you

dumbass : h

dumbass :

dumbass : WHAT??????

genuinely sane : is it really that surprising?

dumbass : YES?!?!?!?

genuinely sane : well regardless, we broke up on good terms

dumbass : i'm guessing he broke up with u

genuinely sane : no…?

dumbass : HUH???? HOW DID YOU LOOK AT SAIHARA SHUICHI AND TELL HIM YOU WERE BREAKING UP WITH HIM??? HOW . HOW

genuinely sane : i don't know. it was very good! i'm not sure why i broke up with him.. but he wasn't too upset about it, and we're still friends.

dumbass : i deadass can't fucking believe this. how am i supposed to function anymore? how do i live knowing that your lips were on his. YOU WERE DATING

 


 

—months ago .

 

"Umm… Kiibs?"

Kiibo stirs, blinking hard a few times as Shuichi's face comes back into focus. His cheeks are dusted with pink, his gaze refusing to meet Kiibo's. All Kiibo has running through his head is wow he's really cute, it's really hot in here, wait we're outside, oh I'm supposed to answer him-

"I'm sorry!" He squeaks, releasing Shuichi's hand to hide his face in his own pair. "I didn't mean to stare!"

When he chances a peek through his fingers, he's met with a soft expression and a gentle smile, and his chest feels incredibly full. Slowly, he pulls his hands away, smiling when Shuichi takes one again. 

Behind him, the sun is starting to set. Kiibo remembers that this time of day is called golden hour, and as he stares into Shuichi's eyes, he gets why. Everything about him is so warm . Though Kiibo isn't much with metaphors and things, he knows that Shuichi is like the sun itself, pulling everything in, bright even after the real thing is gone.

The mystery novel that Shuichi had been reading still sits on top of their legs, each of them using a hand to hold it open. Kiibo thinks its worn spine would probably hold by itself, but he doesn't mention it; everytime Shuichi flips the page, their hands brush, and Kiibo doesn't want that to stop.

He's never felt this way before. He's never wanted someone so badly. He's never wished to sit in a bed with someone and stare out the window into their own square of sky, stars shining back at them. He's never liked someone, even if he's wanted to for so long.

But before, it was just to prove that it was possible, just to prove that he could . Now, he wants it for Shuichi, and for himself. He has nothing to prove anymore; he knows he can. Right now, it's just them.

Without thinking, he lets go of his side of the book. It shuts without him to hold it-- so much for the spine being broken in enough-- but he doesn't even hear it close over the sound of his and Shuichi's breath. Shuichi jumps a little when the pages fall over his thumb, a startled noise escaping from his lips. Still, his eyes don't leave Kiibo's, except to glance down his face toward his lips.

His free hand slowly raises to cradle Shuichi's face, and his heart skips a beat when the boy leans into the touch, fingers tightening their grip on Kiibo's hand. Kiibo shakes.

"Kiibs," Shuichi whispers, almost like he wants something, and Kiibo feels like he might catch fire.

At this very moment, he's overcome with the urge to lean forward and kiss Shuichi. He doesn't know how to. He's never kissed anyone in his entire life, but he thinks that if it's Shuichi, it'll be okay. It's always okay. Everything is so new to him, but Shuichi doesn't care, and Kiibo loves that.

"Can-" Kiibo cuts off when his voice breaks, swallowing thickly and licking his lips. His stomach is doing somersaults and he doesn't want to think about how red his face must be. "Um…"

"It… it's okay," Shuichi tells him, closing his eyes for a moment. When he reopens them, Kiibo sees the conviction there, and his heart stills. "Take your time. It's okay."

All the butterflies in his stomach before, the churning of his insides like a storm, they silence when Shuichi looks at him like that. Kiibo knows what he wants. The clouds have cleared and the lake inside him is perfectly placid. It's so much easier than he thought it would be when the words finally escape his mind and mouth.

"Can I… kiss you?"

Shuichi smiles at him, clearly pleased, squeezing Kiibo's hand and chuckling. "Yes," he says eagerly, and when he realizes just how enthusiastic he sounds, he flushes. "Please," he tacks on feebly as an afterthought, deflating a bit.

When Kiibo leans forward and presses his lips to Shuichi's, they only barely brush before he pulls back again, face red. Shuichi starts laughing again, just a little.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Kiibo rushes, a little panicky. How does a kiss work? What does he do? What is going on-

"I think you're overthinking, Kiibs," he says, pulling Kiibo forward and shaking his head gently. "I don't know either, so... it's okay."

"Okay. It's okay," Kiibo confirms, puffing out his cheeks in thought. No overthinking, but also, don't overthink about not overthinking. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay-

He cuts himself off by leaning forward again, his head tilted just a little bit. When their lips touch this time, he stays, even pressing in a bit closer. He can feel Shuichi press against him, their hands locked together, and he feels so warm . Not unbearably hot, like he had felt earlier, but comfortable . Home.

This is the only place on Earth, the only place in the universe . Because Shuichi had practically melted into Kiibo as soon as their lips had touched, and Kiibo would be lying if he said he didn't do the same. His knees were so shaky and weak, and yet the anxiety he'd faced before about this exact moment had disappeared. 

He has a feeling they both suck at kissing, and that they are absolutely not doing it correctly. But Kiibo has nothing to compare to, and even if he did, he thinks he'd still love this anyway. Because he's pretty sure that's what love is, and he's pretty sure he loves Shuichi, for what it's worth.

It really only lasted a few seconds, but that was enough for Kiibo. When they part, he realizes that Shuichi's book now lies on the ground, closed completely. He and Shuichi are practically wrapped up in each other. He finds it funny how one little kiss gets him addicted, because when he looks at Shuichi's lips, he really wants to kiss him again.

"I think that was good." Shuichi smiles at him, starry eyed, and Kiibo doesn't know when he last saw him so happy. Maybe he just wasn't paying close enough attention before, because ever since he was hit over the head with the urge to kiss Shuichi, he feels like he sees so much more.

Still, Kiibo smiles right back, able to ignore the redness of his face. He kissed Shuichi. No one even knows they're together, and they just kind of… kissed, and he's really happy. He feels a little bit like what he imagines Jell-O feels like.

He lets go of Shuichi to lean down and pluck the book from the ground, his brows furrowed with worry. "Do you remember what page you're on?" He asks, vaguely guilty.

Shuichi hums. "293, I think."

Kiibo huffs and rolls his eyes. When they'd first sat down an hour or so ago, he'd only been on page 114. "Show off," he murmurs.

He earns a flick on the nose for his troubles and a little laugh that he decides to lock in his mind forever. 

Feeling more complete than he ever has, he grabs Shuichi's hand and pulls him to his feet. "Come on, we should probably get back."

"Yeah," Shuichi agrees, sounding a little sad.

If Kiibo kisses Shuichi a few times on the way to the dorms, and even more once they get there, well… nobody is around to see it.

 


 

the circus -- Ouma Kokichi, Kiibo

(Thursday 5:33 p.m.)

 

sane : he was my first kiss actually. i was his too

dumbass : YOU STOLE HIS FIRST KISS?

dumbass : im goign to pass out. Goodbye . . .

genuinely sane : haha. Perish then

dumbass : I'M GOINNA TEAR OUT YOUR CIRCUITS

genuinely sane : HUH??

dumbass : start running kiibaby~

genuinely sane : WHAT

dumbass : ..i want to make fun of you but would you believe it? i feel bad

genuinely sane : no, i would not believe that

dumbass : um okay? fuck you AND the horse you came in on

genuinely sane : i don't own a horse

dumbass : eye-

dumbass : anyway. i'm (retches) proud of- no i can't say it… i… must…. improudofyou (VOMITS)

genuinely sane : do not make a robot joke

dumbass : …. please.

genuinely sane : NO

dumbass : UGHHHHH

genuinely sane : ...thank you, though :)

dumbass : i'm sorry about ummm

dumbass : the way ive beeeeeen? ??? 

genuinely sane : it's alright, i forgive you 

genuinely sane : though, you were insisting you were acting normal.

dumbass : welp saihara and i have been hangin and he was telling me off so!

genuinely sane : that's a lie.

dumbass : maaaaaybeeee

genuinely sane : hey kokichi

dumbass : mm?

genuinely sane : don't ever change.

dumbass : ew kiibaby, why would i? don't fix what isn't broken!

genuinely sane : yeah, you're right:)



girls >>>

(Thursday 5:59 p.m.)

 

wii sports tennis : THE PERFECT CAT IS OURS.

it's an avocado : YAYYYY

piano geek : we have all the other stuff we needed, so we'll be heading home now!

local genius : kiibo is so fucking cute. hes crying and keeps whispering over and over "im in love with her. oh my god, oh my god. its okay. everything is okay now"

nocturnal : wow my heart is so warm

gay disaster : kin

it's an avocado : ...did u just

the messiah : this is why mom doesn't FUCKING love you

knife emoji : never speak again

gay disaster : JEEZ

magic lesbian : [image attached]

magic lesbian : i don't like boys…. But if i did, it would be He.

animugi : he looks so happy… oh no, im going to cry

nocturnal : IM SO EMO

astro boy : ive never had a crush on kiibo and i don't see why not

mom : one of my best sons :') if only you were all like him..

astro boy : OW

gay disaster : YIKES

knife emoji : she didn't even say your names and you knew she was talking about you. dumbasses.

piano geek : just saying, literally everyone at the shelter is crying looking at kiibo

piano geek : all of us included

kork : we're all crying too

bugs life : gonta loves kiibo..

softball, probably : he deserves happiness, i have decided

nocturnal : he does

gay disaster : fax…..