Chapter 1: and that's how i exploded twenty eggs at once
SEPTEMBER, THE START OF THE 2ND SEMESTER.
(Sunday 11:26 p.m.)
Kiibo created an untitled group chat.
Kiibo added Saihara Shuichi, Iruma Miu and 13 others.
Kiibo: two rules
Kiibo: one, no leaving! and two, no leaving!
Ouma Kokichi: not gonna lie kiiboy, i really wanna leave just because you said not to!
Ouma Kokichi: but i'm such a good person, i'm not gonna do that!!!
Iruma Miu: so why is he here
Kiibo: thought i'd be nice to him, but i'm reconsidering
Ouma Kokichi: DDDD:
Ouma Kokichi changed their nickname to supreme leader™.
Iruma Miu changed their nickname to local genius.
Akamatsu Kaede: oooh, a group chat?
Toujou Kirumi: I have my doubts that this will be good.
supreme leader™ changed Toujou Kirumi's nickname to mom.
Kiibo changed their nickname to kiibo.
kiibo: i am aware there's not much of a change, but i can tell everyone's nicknames will be lowercase..
Akamatsu Kaede: aww, it's okay kiibo!
Akamatsu Kaede changed their nickname to piano geek.
Gokuhara Gonta: Gonta think everyone should sleep! it's late!!
supreme leader™ changed Gokuhara Gonta's nickname to bugs life.
bugs life: good nickname :D
piano geek: i love you gonta :')
mom: okay, sleep
local genius: yes mom….
(Monday 5:37 a.m.)
Saihara Shuichi: how do you manage to stay up that late…?
Amami Rantaro: ah, saihara.. i saw your light on at around one this morning..
Saihara Shuichi: oh? must've left the lights on
Amami Rantaro: yeah haha must've!
(Monday 7:44 a.m.)
piano geek: it takes a special kind of self hatred to get up that early
Saihara Shuichi: it's not necessarily intentional…..???
Amami Rantaro changed Saihara Shuichi's nickname to nocturnal.
Amami Rantaro changed their nickname to it's an avocado.
Shirogane Tsumugi: ah.. very accurate nicknames
it's an avocado: i'm good at this
Shirogane Tsumugi: thats fair!
Shirogane Tsumugi changed their nickname to animugi.
Angie Yonaga changed their nickname to the messiah.
nocturnal: i'm not nocturnal i sleep at decent hours and wake up at decent hours
piano geek: babe it doesn't count if "decent" to you is like, anything that manages to not be past midnight?
nocturnal: MIDNIGHT?? i'm asleep by midnight!
supreme leader™: my beloved saihara-chan needs some lessons in lying, obviously!
Momota Kaito: is it demand that shuichi fixes his sleep schedule hours?
Momota Kaito changed their nickname to astro boy.
kiibo: i agree, it's quite concerning..
nocturnal: stopppppp ittttttt
Harukawa Maki: points were made.
Harukawa Maki: if it's true, it's true
astro boy changed Harukawa Maki's nickname to knife emoji.
knife emoji: if any of you other than momota, akamatsu, shuichi, or himiko calls me harumaki, i'll kill you. just y'know.. a friendly reminder
piano geek: aww i'm included!
supreme leader™: :((((
knife emoji : especially not you
supreme leader™: owie !!
nocturnal: ouma.. will you give me back my pen? you only use purple ink, so it's not like you're even using it
supreme leader™: awe the jig is up :( do you know how easy you remember and spot things saihara-chan? it's no fun!
nocturnal: s orry ?,????.
supreme leader™: just kiddinggg! or am i? you'll never know!
nocturnal: no, i do know
piano geek: umm oomfs are being gay on the tl ….?
Shinguji Korekiyo: Good morning. you're all.. lively
Hoshi Ryoma: if u couldn't tell, he's calling you all annoying
knife emoji: he's right
supreme leader™ changed Hoshi Ryoma's nickname to wii sports tennis.
supreme leader™ changed Shinguji Korekiyo's nickname to kork.
mom: I do hope everyone's getting ready for class
local genius: ugh, we still have like an hour
mom: do not care
bffls ミ✭ -- Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuichi
(Monday 7:59 a.m.)
shoeitchy: how many times do i have to tell you that i Don't Like Ouma
kayayaday: yeah, and i hate playing piano. but ok ! fine :)
shoeitchy: that's not fair
kayayaday: what's not fair :))
shoeitchy: i know what you're doing akamatsu kaede and it WON'T work
kayayaday: oh, shuichi. it already has, hasn't it?
shoeitchy: H KAEDE
(Monday 8:27 a.m.)
nocturnal: anyway, i'm starting a kickstarter to put kaede down, the benefits of killing her would be i would get manipulated way less
bugs life: manipulating is no good, akamatsu! and no killing saihara!!!
piano geek: it's okay gonta, he's just overreacting
supreme leader™: oiii i'm the only one who's allowed to manipulate saihara-chan!
nocturnal: i'm leaving
astro boy: against the rules, bro
local genius: YESS WE'RE BULLYING SHITTYHARA
mom: stop bullying Saihara
supreme leader™: but mooooom!!! :(
(Monday 10:03 a.m.)
kiibo: someone please explain why one of the third years is so interested in me..??
nocturnal: i'm guessing it's souda. pink hair, hat?
kiibo: ….yes? how did you know that?
nocturnal: he's a mechanic. i'm sure he wants to know how you work
supreme leader™: let him take you apart, kiibaby~
Shinguji Korekiyo: You should all be paying attention in class
local genius: FUCK THE SYSTEM
local genius: also TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF
it's an avocado: the only third year i know is hinata hajime, only because he has different colored eyes
piano geek: oh yeah! i also know komaeda, because those two are dating
it's an avocado: y'know who those two remind me of..
piano geek: LMAOABWHSHS SHHHH
local genius: does anyone even know why his eyes are like that. i mean kinda weird
piano geek: no, but to be fair, we have kiibo, ouma, knife emoji, and shuichi. no robophobia intended kiibo
kiibo: ok… i understand me, ouma, and harukawa, but. saihara???
piano geek: :^)
nocturnal: .. anyway
mom: if you don't get off your phones…
piano geek: EEP
(Monday 3:52 p.m.)
knife emoji: now that it's a decent hour and we're all out of school i can bring this up
knife emoji: why was shuichi up so late
bugs life: he said he left lights on, right?
astro boy: did someone mention… shuichi's sleep schedule
piano geek: okay, this whole week you've had the shittiest sleep schedule on earth and you expect us to just not talk about it?
knife emoji: we care.
astro boy: how many times do i have to tell u. you aren't alone
nocturnal: i know. i just can't talk about it right now, so let's not play detective with my life for now, ok?
kiibo: let me know if you need anything?
nocturnal: of course
best friend squad !! ☆
(Monday 4:06 p.m.)
kai: you okay?
bisaster: yeah, seriously!
bisaster: nothing's wrong or anything!! i promise, it's just not something i'm really allowed to talk about
harumaki: if you're positive, shuichi.
bisaster: i am :)
kai: we still on for training tonight? or is it better for you if we take a break?
bisaster: no, i wouldn't miss it for anything
harumaki: kaito, he has abs now.. it's too much power, you know.
kai: AHSJXHSHSK YOU RIGHT
bisaster: i hate this fucking family
(Monday 4:21 p.m.)
local genius: hahahAHAHAHA 420
it's an avocado: it's that Time
kiibo: your clocks are both a minute behind
local genius : FUCK
local genius: DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT ME. IM GRIEVJNG
knife emoji: to put it kindly, you just got fucking destroyed
it's an avocado: sir….this is a mcdonalds drive thru…
piano geek: OH HEY the chat has no name
Chabashira Tenko: i will fix this.
Chabashira Tenko changed their nickname to softball, probably.
softball, probably changed Yumeno Himiko's nickname to magic lesbian.
softball, probably changed the chat name to 'girls >>>'.
piano geek: youeaee sodduxkdfucking. Righti.
magic lesbian: thanks, very cool
astro boy: i agree
knife emoji: stop breathing. heterosexuality is a disease, and you're spreading it
astro boy: IM NOT EVEN STRAIGHT???
knife emoji: …...what
mom: This is news.
astro boy: HUH????
softball, probably: you aren't?
it's an avocado: damn i really thought....
astro boy: are you all STUPID or do you just have REALLY SELECTIVE MEMORIES
astro boy: because you're all conveniently forgetting that whole ass MONTH where i wanted to kiss shuichi right on the damn mouth
knife emoji: but.. everyone has that, unless they're lesbian.
it's an avocado: yeah youre not special
astro boy: DUDE
piano geek: why are u whating
nocturnal: KAITO LIKED ME????
kiibo: . saihara...
mom: Are you… serious? you're being genuine right now
animugi: this is so painful ..
knife emoji: shuichi.. he confessed to you and you turned him down
nocturnal: I WHAT?????
astro boy: h. holy shit. shuichi
astro boy: it went a little like "wow shuichi, i like you a lot. can i kiss you" "ah… n-no thank you, my mouth is not… that's not a good idea"
nocturnal: YOU WERE CONFESSING????????
local genius: this is an actual conversation right now
local genius: these are actual fucking words
piano geek: shuichi
piano geek : WHAT ELSE WOULD THAT MEAN
nocturnal: I DONT KNOW??? I DIDN'T GET IT
knife emoji: jesus.
nocturnal: there is no way everyone has that. no way
kiibo: no, saihara. they do. they really do
it's an avocado: it's kinda hard not to
astro boy: i didn't even know i was bi until i met you
piano geek: yeah really i met you and immediately fell for u
local genius: ya i had that
the messiah: mhm!
magic lesbian: oh, are we talking about crushing on saihara?
magic lesbian: i did before i knew i was lesbian. and in love with tenko
nocturnal: WHY?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS
piano geek: that's what im wondering. what kind of detective are you even. shuichi babe if someone comes up to you and says can i kiss you it means I Want To Be With You, Can I Put My Lips On Your Lips Consensually?
knife emoji: if i didn't know you id be more confused, but sadly, i saw this coming
nocturnal: sorry kaito.. i didn't mean to be rude back then
local genius: YEAH LMAO WHAT KINDA "MY MOUTH IS NOT… THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA"
astro boy: i didn't know that u were. confused about what i meant. but im no longer crushing on you so maybe this is good
the messiah: atua says wow saihara is a DUMBASS
nocturnal: thats rude atua :v
knife emoji: shuichi..
nocturnal: y'all really want me to leave this chat huh… that's really what ur going for here
kiibo: i can't actually force you to stay, but it would be a shame!
piano geek: i see u kiibo. i see u
mom: Where is Ouma? his absence from chat makes me nervous.
supreme leader™: see, i had this thought, right
supreme leader™: hot dogs explode in microwaves, but we don't have any
kiibo: oh no
supreme leader™: but i really wanted to explode something in the microwave!!!! so i googled it
supreme leader™: and that's how i exploded twenty eggs at once
local genius: what the fuck
kiibo: kokichi why
supreme leader™: also you need a new microwave kiibaby~
supreme leader™: the Christmas lights were really pretty, though!
nocturnal: what the hell
kiibo: trade me roommates. someone PLEASE. PLEASE
it's an avocado: yeah, uh.. no
wii sports tennis: you can keep the gremlin.
supreme leader™: you're all so mean D: i'm positively BAWLING right now
supreme leader™: or maybe that's just the fumes. who knows!
kiibo: if i have to take you to an urgent care and tell them you need medical attention because you microwaved christmas lights, i'm gonna be mad
supreme leader™: D: you can't stay mad at lil ole me, kiibaby!
supreme leader™: yeeees shumai, my beloved saihara-chan, light of my life
nocturnal: sticking things in microwaves is dangerous. plus by the sounds of it you're in the dorms, so what happens if the whole building catches fire?
supreme leader™: yikers!
nocturnal: ..take the stuff to the dumpster jesus christ
mom: Thank you for doing it for me, saihara
nocturnal: now im gonna take a whole ass nap and i am LOCKING THE DOOR
local genius: DAMMIT. no dicks
local genius: UNLESS
astro boy: you're not getting my key
knife emoji: or mine
piano geek: or mine
local genius: DAMN YOU
nocturnal: WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE A KEY TO NY ROOM
Chapter 2: guys gals and non-binary pals, this is power
knife emoji: sometimes, kiibo, the thought doesn't count enough
astro boy: u just gotta square ur thoughts
local genius: what the fuck
astro boy: thoughts²
IVE BEEN SO BUSY WORKING ON FUTURE CHAPTERS THAT I FORGOT TO POST?
(Tuesday 5:38 a.m.)
nocturnal: okay checked about confidentiality stuff and i found out it's fine to tell u
nocturnal: im up late recently because i was asked to work a case abt a week ago
nocturnal: and i wanna get it right
nocturnal: ..i am Really tired i've been up all night i amm goig to bed gn
(Tuesday 7:44 a.m.)
piano geek: A CASE??? SHUICHI!!
piano geek: WAIT YOU SENT THAT AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING
knife emoji: how long has it been since he's worked a case??
kiibo: i believe it was the murder case?
astro boy: hush
kiibo: oh. right
mom: we're really proud of you Saihara, but by the time you wake up you'll have gotten less than 3 hours of sleep
supreme leader™: a man dedicated to his work! kinda hot ngl :))))
local genius: i a. Am also dedicated to my work….
supreme leader™: shut up pig
local genius: HOT
kiibo: okay. i'll be on saihara detail today and keep him awake in class!
kiibo: and make sure he naps during study hall, so he doesn't fall asleep in class!
kiibo: and give him notes, for when he falls asleep in class!
piano geek: he's still gonna fall asleep in class
kiibo: i know, but it's the thought that counts!
knife emoji: sometimes, kiibo, the thought doesn't count enough
astro boy: u just gotta square ur thoughts
local genius: what the fuck
astro boy: thoughts²
knife emoji: you are so fucking stupid
animugi: he said that with his whole chest..
it's an avocado: embarrassing, luv
astro boy: HELLO???
(Tuesday 8:22 a.m.)
supreme leader™: look, everyone! it's saihara-chan!
kiibo: good morning saihara!
nocturnal: KIIBO WHY
kiibo: ….you needed sleep?
piano geek: gm sleeping beauty :)
nocturnal: gdi y'all
astro boy: look at this dude… Getting the sleep he deserves.
nocturnal: ahohsavdka dL
it's an avocado: you are very incoherent rn
nocturnal: need coffee. No time to make coffee
mom: I've already made some, Saihara. drop by the kitchen.
nocturnal: I SUDDENLY BELIEVE IN ATUA
the messiah: as you should!
bffls ミ✭ -- Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuichi
(Tuesday 8:33 a.m.)
shoeitchy: can i do this?
shoeitchy: i don't even think i can be a detective i can't do this, i shouldn't even be at hope's peak at all, i really hate this talent
shoeitchy: i'm not good enough, how did i even think i could work a case? stupid
kayayaday: sir you're spiralling
kayayaday: how much sleep did you get?
kayayaday: since you're an insomniac usually anyway
kayayaday: answer and tell the truth
shoeitchy: like an hour?
kayayaday: that's it go back to bed
shoeitchy: kaede i can't
kayayaday: bullshit, you're gonna have a panic attack today, you know how you get when you don't sleep
shoeitchy: i have an Education that awaits me .
shoeitchy: i'll be fine!
kayayaday: ok famous last words and you KNOW IT
shoeitchy: i'll shut my phone off for the day if it makes you feel better
(Tuesday 8:45 a.m.)
supreme leader™: and saihara-chan dashes in literal milliseconds before the bell rings! night time training must be going well!
piano geek: he's got his phone turned off
kiibo: ah, that makes sense
it's an avocado: hey, is he gonna be okay…? he looks very anxious
piano geek: he's running on an hour of sleep which means he only has part of his mind able to deal with his crippling insecurities.
piano geek: HES SPIRALLING EVERYONE
softball, probably: listen i know he's a degenerate but he's significantly less degenerate than most of you degenerates
softball, probably: he's second only to gonta
animugi: everyone is second to gonta..
bugs life: :D thank you but gonta thinks his friends are all first !!
it's an avocado: ….literal ray of sunshine
local genius: so what are we doing about shittyhara
piano geek: i told him to just skip class today but he wouldn't. i don't know what he needs when he gets like this
kiibo: i wish i could help. and i already sense the robophobia, so don't even
magic lesbian: a sixth sense… and he doesn't even use mana
mom: everyone pay attention please. we'll discuss further face to face.
supreme leader™: a pass to talk in class from mom herself? HELLA
(Tuesday 10:11 a.m.)
piano geek: oh my god, of course today was mandatory talent day..
mom: whose lab is closest to saihara's?
knife emoji: mine.
kiibo: is it possible for you to keep an eye on him?
knife emoji: he's right next door, it should be fine
knife emoji: just kidding, he's gone
piano geek: ..wh
knife emoji: h . you guys forget he's a detective. he's probably trying to avoid us
nocturnal: haha, so like, heres the thing
nocturnal: i don't care to admit it when i'm wrong
nocturnal: kaede i was wrong you were right say i told. u so
it's an avocado: shuichi where are you?
nocturnal: im fine, im just in the bathroom
piano geek: yeah, having a panic attack
astro boy: oh shit should one of us go
mom: momota, you're on the sixth floor, and you know how strict they are up there. they won't let you down.
astro boy: fuck school rights
supreme leader™: oh no!
kiibo: kokichi i think this falls on you. i am also on the sixth floor
knife emoji: girls can't go in the bathroom.
nocturnal: oh my godnno
nocturnal: do not
supreme leader™: haha sheesh saihara-chan, you hate me that much?
nocturnal: it isn't that
nocturnal: don't want people to see me like this
nocturnal: also don't say anything pls
(Tuesday 12:05 p.m.)
nocturnal: i'm sorry. really, i don't get like that often.
astro boy: you really waited til lunch to text so we wouldn't be on our phones in class. i don't know if i should be annoyed or
supreme leader™: a terrible liar as always, my beloved saihara-chan!
nocturnal: ...yeah, i know
it's an avocado : not to be that guy but i'm going to be that guy
it's an avocado: this is serious shuichi and i'm pretty sure you already know that, but you really do need help? i mean i'm pretty sure it affects your life if this is anything to go by
piano geek: oh no, he's mming. stop mming
knife emoji: where are you at now?
nocturnal: ah.. kiibo-kun.
nocturnal: hold on
knife emoji: clearly i need to be more threatening if you feel safe enough to ignore me
nocturnal: sorry, maki.. love u?
knife emoji: duh.
knife emoji: love u too
astro boy: BEST FRIEND SQUAD
local genius: today is so fucking surreal
cryptids *:･♡ﾟ. -- Saihara Shuichi, Kiibo
(Tuesday 12:14 p.m.)
kiibs: guessing you want me to dm you?
kiibs: you know, you can still talk to me.
shuu: that's actually what i wanted to do
shuu: would you come to my lab? sorry to pull you from lunch.. you and kaede are really the only ones i'm comfortable with seeing me right now, but you..
kiibs: it's alright. i'll bring you some food up. even if i'm not a human, you are!
shuu: kiibo, you know you're practically human. you can even eat now, right?
kiibs: well, yes, but i don't need to. so i usually don't
shuu: thanks, kiibo-kun.
kiibs: just kiibs is fine, you know
shuu: you're the one that started calling me saihara..
kiibs: ...i'm just going to head up there
shuu: good choice :)
(Tuesday 3:57 p.m.)
supreme leader™: well crew, what have we learned today!
it's an avocado: .. a lot
local genius: shittyhara has like a million panic attacks a week AND he doesn't know how to fucking sleep like a normal human
animugi: harukawa is miraculously capable of showing affection!
knife emoji: choke on your own saliva and please die while you're doing that
magic lesbian: something is going on with kiibo and saihara..
kiibo: which would absolutely be no one's business, by the way!
nocturnal: there's really not
piano geek: ..how about good stuff! shuichi is working cases again!!
astro boy: IM SO PROUD OF MY SIDEKICK…. i hope he gets along fine without me
nocturnal: ...ah, kaito.
knife emoji: see, shuichi is too nice, but i am not. if anyone is the sidekick it's you kaito
astro boy: OI??
nocturnal: well, no not exactly?
local genius: fuckin' masochist
animugi: it's okay, saihara! we don't judge you for being yourself!
supreme leader™ : oh.. no one's judging ;)
nocturnal: kiibs can i break the rule
it's an avocado: oh my god this is so sad. kaede, play fingers in his ass
piano geek: I want to cry. Why would you say something like that to me? After all I've done for you, after all I've done for this family, and this is what I get? Don't ever speak to me again. You'll sorely regret it.
it's an avocado: HSJDHXJDH
knife emoji: i don't say it enough, but i despise this group chat and the people in it
wii sports tennis: welcome to the club
piano geek: shuichi you should take a nap
supreme leader™: and if there's room for two, you absolutely have a willing participant!
nocturnal: shut up
piano geek: me or him????
nocturnal: u pick :)
piano geek: GASP
wii sports tennis: absolutely ruthless
astro boy: guys gals and non-binary pals, this is power
supreme leader™: but saihara-channnn!!!!
nocturnal: i really just. like you so much more when your mouth is shut
supreme leader™: eye-
supreme leader™: ok…….
it's an avocado:
local genius: WHERE RHW HELL DID THIS DEVELOPMENT COME FROM
animugi: very ooc ...
kiibo changed supreme leader™ 's nickname to gay disaster .
the circus -- Ouma Kokichi, Kiibo
(Tuesday 4:17 p.m.)
genuinely sane: WE ARE MINORS KOKICHI
dumbass: OK I DONT ACTUALLY BUT
genuinely sane: i am not trying to egg you on, but
dumbass: pplease continue
genuinely sane: ..pretty sure you're the only one that brings out that side of him
genuinely sane: please do not ever text me about this again
dumbass: o rite, something's going on
dumbass: you're not gonna steal saihara-chan from me are you, kiibaby?~
genuinely sane: no?? why would you even suggest such a thing? i would never do that to you.
dumbass: woah woa okay chill out there motherboard???
dumbass: now i KNOW something is going on
genuinely sane: there isn't.
dumbass: no robophobia claims either?
dumbass: it's okay, kiibs! i'll draw it out of ya!
genuinely sane: really, you won't
(Tuesday 5:49 p.m.)
gay disaster : [image attachment]
gay disaster: fast asleep!
piano geek: WOW HES SO cUTE
kiibo: squishy cheeks :)
gay disaster: kiiboy you're literally right beside me
it's an avocado: suddenly my old gay crush on shuichi rears its head
astro boy: SAME LOOK AT HIS HAIR
local genius: this is gonna sound weird aight? and for once i don't mean this shit in a sexual way because looking at the picture it feels fucking illegal to sexualize him
local genius: but his eyelashes are so long and i want them
piano geek: actually it's not weird. i've been telling him that since we were kids, he has such nice eyelashes
piano geek: you should see them with mascara, he always gets it in his eyebrows
piano geek: actually so many of you have such pretty eyelashes like wtf!
piano geek: miu? himiko? amami? angie? tsumugi? tojo? TENKO? MAKI!!
piano geek: im too bi for this.
magic lesbian: ahhhh… thank uuuu
softball, probably: it's always a good day when a pretty girl compliments you!!!!!
mom: Thank you, Akamatsu, that's really sweet of you
the messiah: you're very pretty also kaede :)
it's an avocado: aw thanks kaede! my sisters used to put makeup on me practically 24/7 haha
local genius: hhhhthank u so much?!"!!,+##8<¥¢
knife emoji: thank you kaede :)
animugi: ohmygosh <3
kiibo: women are being respected, and i am very happy for it!
gay disaster: he's snoring, what a nerd!
astro boy: love one (1) boy
knife emoji: i also love one (1) boy
astro boy: HEY
knife emoji: sorry, shuichi is my favorite
astro boy: BUT WE'RE BEST FRIEND SQUAD!! I BROUGHT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER
piano geek: is it the soft snores, or loud ones?
kiibo: soft! he's kind of whimpering, which is worrying.
piano geek: shuichis a cutie but he also has nightmares & is a light sleeper so don't disturb him you guys!
kiibo: i know!
astro boy: it makes me so sad when he has nightmares literally makes me want to cry
gay disaster : [image attached]
it's an avocado: noo it won't load, what is it?
gay disaster: a selfie with kiibaby and a cute still sleeping saihara-chan!
gay disaster: they're really the cutest nishishi~
kiibo: kokichi don't start!!!
piano geek: SO CUTE <3 even ouma surprisingly
knife emoji: ouma i do not like you but that image is very soft
it's an avocado: kiibo appreciation hour?
bugs life: gonta thinks this is a good idea!!! ouma, saihara, and kiibo are all very cute and deserve love and support!
gay disaster: holy shit. my crops are flourishing my skin is clear my grades are up the world is at peace
gay disaster: anyway stan kiibaby i hate him but he's my best friend and he's kinda cute so <3
piano geek: kiibo is so sweet and amazing
softball, probably: he is also barely passable! not a degenerate at all!
it's an avocado: we aren't very close kiibo but you are very cute & soft :)
magic lesbian: you always help others.. it's nice
kiibo: thank you all very very much. i never really had friends before this class so i am very lucky to have you all. if anyone deserves appreciation it's you guys
gay disaster: ehehe, he's crying~
kiibo: ahhh miu why did you make me able to cry i do not like it! my vision is blurry and i feel very vulnerable!
astro boy: this shit is so cute..
local genius: listen here kiibo you stupid ass hunk of metal. you're my best friend in this whole world n i wouldn't trade you for anything. i'm really glad i can help your dumbass feel more human and fit in with the rest of the class. you're just like the rest of us you know.
gay disaster: oh my gosh, miu has a heart!
local genius: SHUT UP TWINK
kiibo: thank you miu, i do not know what i'd do without you :)
local genius: hhhhhchshs
local genius: you wouldn't be cryin eatin or sleepin that's for damn sure!
it's an avocado: wholesome time!
piano geek: wow im so proud of everyone for being so nice :')
the messiah: it's because atua will strike anyone dead if they say a bad word about kiibo! he told me himself!
gay disaster: can i try?
the messiah: be my guest!~
piano geek: NO GDI
mom: As much as I love Kiibo, you all are forgetting that we have weekly study hall together right now. As in, right now
astro boy: OH SHIT
kiibo: does shuu have to?
piano geek: mommm pls don't make him!
it's an avocado: poor boy needs rest
mom: Of course he doesn't have to. But Kiibo and Ouma, mostly Ouma, you do
gay disaster: MANNNN D:
(Tuesday 8:03 p.m.)
nocturnal: ouma i can't BELIEVE you
nocturnal: you let me drool on CONFIDENTIAL FILES
gay disaster: awww~
gay disaster: and kiiboy was there too :(
nocturnal: yeah but kiibs isn't evil
gay disaster: wow okay
nocturnal: AND you let me miss kiibs appreciation hour? unforgivable. this is a crime against me
astro boy: wow, the sexual tension is palpable
nocturnal: ..kaito i trusted you,
piano geek: babe you DROOLED ON THEM?
knife emoji: do i call him cute or a dumbass
astro boy: it's fine bro! just blame ouma
gay disaster: WHY ME?
nocturnal: you're right. this is your fault
gay disaster: im so wounded, saihara-chan :( just throw me in the deep end why don't you :(((
nocturnal: well yeah
wii sports tennis: y'all are a mess
mom: Yeah, that's true
kiibo: thank you for saying i'm not evil! people tend to assume i'm like kokichi
gay disaster: wow all of you said fuck kokichi rights today huh
nocturnal: deep end.. DEEP END
local genius: oh fuck he's lost his fucking mind
nocturnal: OH MY GOD OUMA YOURE A GENIUS
knife emoji: ...he's a what.
animugi: oh no, saihara really has gone insane..
gay disaster: yes thank you saihara-chan, i am a genius!
gay disaster: ..now um. what did i do
nocturnal: the deep end. you just solved this case ouma oh my god i am so happy thank you so much i could KISS YOU
piano geek: mom there are gay people here I wanna go home......
gay disaster: wow, i should speak more often if it makes you wanna kiss me!
nocturnal: oh my god. i'm so happy that i don't even want to strangle you for your insincere flirting
piano geek: his.
piano geek: im going to go feral..
it's an avocado: shhh kaede
knife emoji: useless
nocturnal: i've got a case to solve you guys!! i forgot how exciting this is!
gay disaster: OH MY GOD, WAIT
local genius: damn saihara that is COLD
Chapter 3: i'll tear your wires out idabashi-chan~
astro boy: bro shuichi one day you're gonna be working there. like for money and shit. for a whole ass living isn't that wild
nocturnal: why? why the fuck would you say that?
ahh happy valentine's day! i hope you had a great day! unfortunately, it's not valentines day in their world, so no festivities or shenanigans. i wanted to post anyway :) <3
if anyone needs a nickname guide, let me know! i'll start posting one!
(Wednesday 1:14 a.m.)
gay disaster: after much deliberation, i have decided: emotions are for ugly people
gay disaster: and i
gay disaster: am the most BEAUTIFUL BITCH ON THIS PLANET
gay disaster: thank you, and good night ✨
(Wednesday 6:29 a.m.)
piano geek: well someone is feeling edgy..
gay disaster: feelings are illegal! and i am a law abiding citizen who does not feel <3
knife emoji: never once have you followed the law
gay disaster: aww, people change harumaki!
knife emoji: i want to kill you
gay disaster: you are NOT one of those people YIKES
mom: it is always Those Two
(Wednesday 6:58 a.m.)
magic lesbian: good morninggg..
softball, probably: himiko and i have decided to be more active in here!
knife emoji: what a fear inducing concept
wii sports tennis: tbh i also want to
wii sports tennis: so who wants to adopt cats
animugi: isn't that against the rules…?
wii sports tennis: not if they never find out
the messiah: atua says he will protect the cats from the school!
mom: I would normally be against this
mom: ...but I think we could all use some cats here. So long as everyone handles the responsibility, which shouldn't be hard with 16 of us, but I also know all of you.
it's an avocado: is anyone allergic?
gay disaster: i am :( sorry everyone. guess we have no cat..
it's an avocado: oh okay
wii sports tennis: a life allergic to cats is not a life i could live. sorry to ya
animugi: sorry ouma :(
gay disaster: i was lying. i'm not allergic to cats!
wii sports tennis: oh ok that's good then
gay disaster: wow, you really believed me!
astro boy: prolly better to just ask in class today when everyone's around
nocturnal: i will Not be around but don't worry i am not allergic! i love cats!
knife emoji: you won't be in class?
piano geek: ^^ ?
kiibo: are you okay?
magic lesbian: your case is solved, right…???
nocturnal: no i won't be in class, yes i'm okay, and yes i believe it's solved. it's the reason i'll be out. have to contact the police department and go over the case, probably hold a few more interrogations, set trial dates
nocturnal: . And this is very boring no one cares aa im srry
piano geek: no, we definitely care!! that's really awesome shuichi. i'm so proud
kiibo: it's been awhile since you worked a case!
gay disaster: but saihara-chan, the trial is the hardest part. y'know, where you look the culprit in the eye, and find out their own truth.. sheesh, sends shivers down my spine just thinking of it! it wasn't the investigation that got to you, it was that part, right? :)
nocturnal: ..yeah, that's true. i want to say i'm completely over it, but that'd be a lie. i'm still scared.
piano geek: i think everyone is scared of the truth, shuichi. it's only natural! but you've gotta fight for it, because you can. i believe in you. if it gets hard, think of all of us, and how proud we are of you, and how strong we think you are!
piano geek: that way you can get through this, and find your path. you're the ultimate detective for a reason. cherish that! you're so much more amazing than you think!!
nocturnal: kaede rly has me crying this early huh.
astro boy: she wasn't even talking to me and im in tears bro
piano geek: IM SORRY
softball, probably: this class is very blessed to have you kaede!
gay disaster: i thought everyone got their wholesome out last night… boringgggggg!
kiibo: are you okay?
gay disaster: hah? where is that coming from?
nocturnal: you're already acting strange today, and it's only 7am. it's pretty obvious
it's an avocado: yeah it really is noticeable
astro boy: . i am begrudgingly agreeing
gay disaster: hehehe~ you guys care about meeee~
astro boy: nevermind obviously he's fine. annoying little shit
nocturnal: no, he's distracting you, and it worked
astro boy: ...i feel like i just got called an idiot, but nicely
knife emoji: yeah.
astro boy: HAKFHRJDN?
gay disaster: aw, but saihara-chan, what was that you said the other day?
gay disaster: "let's not play detective with my life for now, ok?"
gay disaster: ehehehe
local genius: damn he really did that shit
nocturnal: to be fair i didn't know if it was literally illegal to tell you
gay disaster: right, but if you're honest, you don't want anyone weaseling around in your head, right saihara-chan?
nocturnal: you're really good at pushing buttons, ouma.
kiibo: kokichi, calm down. shuichi, just ignore him, i don't know what's wrong with him right now..
gay disaster: who said something was wrong, kiiboy?
piano geek: ouma it is literally a given at this point
magic lesbian: nnn.. we're trying to worry about you, you know…
gay disaster : okay, fine, something is wrong
gay disaster: ...but i'm a liar, so who knows? nishishi~
astro boy: it's actually infuriating how everytime he types something, you can imagine the exact way he'd say it and what facial expression he'd be making
animugi: that's exactly what i was thinking…
knife emoji: that also means it's easier to imagine his face when you're strangling him. though maybe that's actually just the memory
gay disaster: awww harumaki, i thought we'd made progress since then? :(
knife emoji: it is impossible to like you
mom: Alright, don't encourage him. Just get ready for class, all of you. Grab breakfast before you go, it's all on the table.
gay disaster: thank you moooom~
(Wednesday 9:43 a.m.)
it's an avocado: okay, i'm usually not one to complain, but in the labs two days in a row? i'm so bored
piano geek: yeah, not all of you have much to do in your labs..
it's an avocado: yeah like what the hell can't do much adventuring in here i sit and stare at my postcards until lunch
astro boy: felt that
bugs life: gonta like lab days :)
gay disaster: I AM DYING OF BOREDOM
gay disaster: there's not even any saihara-chan to distract me today!!!!
nocturnal: glad i mean something to you ouma-kun
gay disaster: MY BELOVED
it's an avocado: oh shuichi, thank god. please give us something. SCRAPS
kiibo: it is very boring here
astro boy: SHUICHI PLEASE THERE'S NOTHING TO DO WE NEED ENTERTAINMENT
knife emoji: me too
nocturnal: i don't really know what you want me to say?
nocturnal: i'm at the department??
knife emoji: please continue
nocturnal: shit i have to go, more interrogating
astro boy: DAMMIT BRO
it's an avocado: our savior is gone..
gay disaster: well that sucks!
gay disaster : https://youtu.be/m24DPDKZ4zA
gay disaster: who in this class
knife emoji: kaito
magic lesbian: yeah definitely…
animugi: either him or rantaro
it's an avocado: HAHSHDSH GO AWAY MUGI
astro boy: NO????
kiibo : https://youtu.be/E1p_cJLu7vs kokichi, you were copying this video that one time weren't you.
gay disaster: there's fou
piano geek: oh my god wait i remember that, kiibo you said basically the exact same thing the guy in the video says
kiibo: only with more disappointment.
gay disaster: nEHEHEH THERES FOU
knife emoji: jesus i hate this class
piano geek: omg guys class rep speaking
gay disaster: booo no one caressss
piano geek: i was thinking about ^ tht video and what if on friday evening we all just kinda hang out and be chaotic together and stuff? we all tend to stick to groups, so it'd be good to get out of that!
wii sports tennis: it can be a housewarming party for the new cats
gay disaster: DO WE ALL GET TO GO ADOPT THE CATS????
kiibo: for some reason, i feel like all 16 of us leaving at once would be vaguely suspicious
piano geek: one of the ones to stay back should definitely be you, ouma!
gay disaster: DDDD: whyyyy?
astro boy: i can practically hear him fake sobbing
softball, probably: no, not practically. you just CAN and IF IT DOESN'T STOP
piano geek: you're really good at lying, right?
knife emoji: that's an understatement. it also makes it sound like a good quality, which it is not
gay disaster: i hate liars, y'know.
it's an avocado: i KNOW he's lying but it still throws me for a loop. THAT'S how good he is
piano geek: anyway, if the faculty gets suspicious, you're the perfect guy to steer them off track! shuichi too, mostly because everyone thinks he's a goody two shoes who never ever lies and would never do anything bad in his life
nocturnal: they think that because i am that..
kiibo: you are fooling exactly no one, shuu. zero people
piano geek: ^^^
gay disaster: hehehe
gay disaster: you're leaving me and saihara-chan aaaaall by ourselves?~
nocturnal: ahhh.. as terrifying as those words are i think we'll be fine
gay disaster: oooooh!
piano geek: what the hell why would i leave you two alone
gay disaster: BOOOO
piano geek: aside from u guys anyone can volunteer to stay back!
mom: I will.
knife emoji: ..yeah me too.
piano geek: okok let's talk more at lunch when i can write things down! you guys might be bored but i still have a piano i can play, so
it's an avocado: wow jus rubbing it in our faces….
best friend squad !! ☆
(Wednesday 9:57 a.m.)
bisaster: odd of you to volunteer to spend extra time around ouma, maki
harumaki: ...shut up
bisaster: i could, but i won't.
bisaster: what's your plan?
harumaki: you really think i've got one.
bisaster: you always do
kai: this is so fucking awkward
harumaki: ok, fine
harumaki: i don't want him around you.
harumaki: when he acts like this, he's unpredictable. who knows if he just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and will be fine tomorrow
harumaki: but until i know for sure, i don't want him around you.
kai: THATS SO CUTE
harumaki: do you want to die.
bisaster: i love you, maki. thank you for looking out for me.
harumaki: i love you too. i know you know him better than most of us and have mostly grown accustomed to him, but…
bisaster: i get it!
kai: i can stay back too! we can spend the day together!
bisaster: well… you definitely can, if you want
bisaster: but i don't want to push him away just because he's acting like this. that sounds.. lonely, i guess
bisaster: so.. you guys can keep an eye on us? that way i don't have to isolate him, but you guys can still… protect me?
harumaki: ...i suppose that's fine.
kai: okay shuichi
bisaster: i swear, if the rest of the class saw maki in this group chat..
(Wednesday 11:29 a.m.)
piano geek: AHHHHH GUYS!!!!
it's an avocado: and what happened to "i have a piano to play"
piano geek: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!
piano geek: HEADMASTER KIRIGIRI JUST STOPPED BY AND TOLD ME I'VE BEEN INVITED TO PLAY FOR THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE
piano geek: AND THEN A WEEK AFTER THAT THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES???
astro boy: holy shit kaede!!! that's so fucking cool
gay disaster: whaaaaat?? how come no one wants me to come to their country :(
kiibo: you would probably try to take it over
gay disaster: point taken~
kiibo: anyway, that's amazing kaede!
softball, probably: a beautiful powerful woman playing her beautiful powerful music for two other beautiful powerful women? humanity is shaking
piano geek: i know they're both so pretty,
mom: I've met the US president, and she is truly a delight. One of the sweetest women I've ever met, especially in power.
piano geek: oh my gosh really
kork: and I once traveled to France, and met the president. She's very no nonsense, but I wouldn't consider her mean
piano geek: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPOSE MYSELF IN FRONT OF THEM THEY ARE SO PRETTY AND TALENTED
knife emoji: easy. just remind yourself that you're even prettier, and also talented
piano geek: i
piano geek: ahduwhdjshkdcksebkdchshwkxhsjfkdvwj
nocturnal: great, maki. you've killed her
knife emoji: it's true
piano geek: HARUMAKIIIII
animugi: this is so perfect! now our lil cat party on friday can also be for your invitations!
piano geek: omg guys!!
nocturnal: when do you have to leave?
piano geek: i head to france in a little less than two weeks, and i'm flying to the u.s. from there
nocturnal: ughhhhh i can't even happy scream :/
astro boy: bro shuichi one day you're gonna be working there. like for money and shit. for a whole ass living isn't that wild
nocturnal: why? why the fuck would you say that?
piano geek: AHAJDJSCHAJDHSJ
astro boy: SHIT BRO MY B
it's an avocado: im aisgahsgagcja-
kiibo: it's that bad?
nocturnal: THAT BAD? i will commit not alive if im here much longer. it's so loud and busy. i don't even know how these people do any solving at all in this environment when i have to shut myself in my room to get anything done
nocturnal: whoops, rambling
astro boy: bro imagine being as cute n talented as shuichi
piano geek: RIGHT???
magic lesbian: i still remember when kaede and shuichi first showed up on move in day…. we all thought they were dating
piano geek: that was NOT necessary
kiibo: ...in retrospect, they're much more like siblings or really close friends..
mom: That was a lapse in judgement.
animugi: it's hard to even remember how much we all used to ship you two… it's just so weird to think about now (●´⌓`●)
nocturnal: y'all really wildin. also that was literally what, like a semester ago?
wii sports tennis: and then there was the harukawa and momota stuff
astro boy: bro i was head over heels…...
mom: Another lapse in judgement.
gay disaster: wow, you guys seem to have an affinity for lapses in judgement~
gay disaster: like kiibaby and the bitchlet!
kiibo: oh no.
nocturnal: that one was really bound to happen, though…
local genius: my bad fuckers
gay disaster: no, it's our fault for not knowing you're the horniest whore alive!
local genius: HHHHHH?
mom: . Yes that was the third time our judgement lapsed.
it's an avocado: there was me and ouma too
gay disaster: ...i will never lie again if it means that doesn't get brought up
nocturnal: that was a lie
gay disaster: hehe, you got me!
mom: ...And evidence suggests that was the biggest lapse yet.
piano geek: ANSHAHCHSJ
astro boy: yeah it's kinda obvious now
knife emoji: sadly.
gay disaster: oi oi oi oi oi
astro boy: u are so annoying
gay disaster: how rude (｡•́︿•̀｡)
gay disaster: im boredddddddd
gay disaster: kiibabyyyyy
kiibo: i will not use my ahoge as a boomerang
piano geek: WHAT?
nocturnal: oh my god ouma, is that why you googled how boomerangs work? you realize kiibo's hair is. hair. not metal
gay disaster: actually, no. but that's a story for another time!
wii sports tennis: what the fuck does that mean and why does it terrify me as much as it does
gay disaster: aaaaaanywaaaaay
gay disaster: kiibabyyyyyyy
gay disaster: kiiiii
gay disaster: do you know what you should do~
gay disaster: ehehehehehe
gay disaster: you should come to my lab
gay disaster: and you should let me hold down that lil deactivate button underneath your shoulder blade for 10 seconds
gay disaster: and see if you reboot like a phone!
astro boy: okay what the FUCK
kork: interesting scenario. Kiibo, does that work?
kiibo: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT BUTTON???
kiibo: I'M NOT A PHONE JACKASS
animugi: i feel like the first message should've never been sent..
magic lesbian: much better to deny it even exists….
kiibo: i don't lie
it's an avocado: oh my god. oh my god has kiibo ever cussed before
kiibo: did you think i couldn't !!?!?!?!!?!!??
nocturnal: he has
astro boy: MAYBE TO YOU PRIVATELY BUT NOT HERE OR TO US
gay disaster: hehehehe~ how's about it kiibaby~
kiibo: NO? ARE YOU INSANE??
gay disaster: owie! i was just curious, y'know? :( what if there comes a life or death situation and i have to reboot you? what if i don't know what to do?!?!
kiibo: that will literally never fucking happen
animugi: that's a death flag..
it's an avocado: oh my god… he said the f word
local genius: who fucking pissed kiibo off
local genius: oh, it was the stupid twink
nocturnal: ouma just tell us what's going on for the love of god
gay disaster: i don't understand why everyone is so mad at me? i'm acting normal
gay disaster: all of this is incredibly in character for me! kiiboy, however
piano geek: ouma, this isn't normal for you and i'm pretty sure you're aware of that
gay disaster: whoops, there's the lunch bell!
astro boy: lucky bastard
the circus -- Ouma Kokichi, Kiibo
(Wednesday 12:22 p.m.)
genuinely sane: okay, since you aren't at lunch. what the hell is wrong with you? you've been weird all day today
dumbass: wow, the pig's potty mouth really is rubbing off on you, kiibaby!
genuinely sane: you are even more annoying than usual, which is very hard to achieve, if you didn't know
genuinely sane: so just talk about it.
dumbass: ok. ok ok ok i see you! ok!
genuinely sane: kokichi…
dumbass: i vaguely feel like i just got into a car crash and killed the people in the other car, do you feel me? of course you don't! anyway, im violently repressing this, so it's fine!
dumbass: but you know, i had this fleeting thought. ive been way too honest recently! if i do that people might start listening to me and believing me! sheesh, amateur of me to slip up so badly~
genuinely sane: kokichi, what's wrong with honesty and people believing in you? you need to learn to let people care
dumbass: yeah, about that, um, no!
genuinely sane: why??? you already know that in this class, if someone wants to care about you, they'll do it regardless of what you say.
dumbass: of course i know that silly! that's why i'm not giving them any reason to want to!!
genuinely sane: you've been doing so well recently, kokichi. what is going on with you? you're keeping secrets and lying to me again
dumbass: haha! i'm not the only one with secrets and lies
dumbass: am i, kiibs?
genuinely sane: ...is it really about that? why didn't you just say so? i'll talk to you about it
dumbass: about what?
genuinely sane: you know. saihara. does it bother you that much?
dumbass: ..huh? when did he come up??
genuinely sane: i can't even tell if you're lying right now
genuinely sane: nothing is going on. so just. stop it okay? i don't know if you're jealous, or just sad right now, or what's going through your head…but if i thought it was important, i'd tell you.
dumbass: kiiboy… you feelin' okay? did you hit your head or somethin? you're really confusing me here
genuinely sane: kokichi, please. you already know you can't run me off.
dumbass: i really have no clue what you want from me.
dumbass: anywayssssss, i'm coming down to eat, 'kay?
genuinely sane: kokichi..
dumbass: oooh, actually, i don't really have time to eat hm?
dumbass: then i'll see you after lunch!~
genuinely sane: you need to eat kokichi. we're not doing this again
dumbass: geez, calm down, motherboard! i've got food in my lab!
genuinely sane: this conversation is not over
(Wednesday 6:47 p.m.)
piano geek: will all shuichi fanclub members please rise.
nocturnal: KAEDE THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING
astro boy: i am rising but for what purpose
piano geek : fuck it. @everyone
nocturnal: YOU ARE THROWING AWAY A LIFE LONG FRIENDSHIP
piano geek: it's what the people want, shuichi
piano geek : [image attached]
it's an avocado: that is NOT shuichi in a suit
astro boy: OH MY GOD, IT'S SHUICHI IN A SUIT
knife emoji: sometimes i wonder if i'm lesbian, so thank you for the bi reminder
nocturnal: we wear UNIFORMS. I AM BASICALLY WEARING ONE EVERYDAY
piano geek: no but this is different. it is special
local genius: jesus fuck this boy is eye candy
animugi: YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE SAIHARA!
nocturnal: i literally just wore it to the department meetings and interrogations today but? thank you?
gay disaster: imagine being interrogated by someone wearing THAT who looks like THAT
gay disaster: fck
local genius: lmao the twink wants u to fucking step on him
local genius: IT DOESN'T WORK IF UR BOTH BOTTOMS
gay disaster: BOTTOM? shut up STUPIDHEAD
gay disaster: i'll tear your wires out idabashi-chan~
gay disaster: i don't just know where your deactivate button is~
gay disaster: i know sooooo many things~
kiibo: in other news, you look great as always, shuu!
nocturnal: i. thanks ouma….? and thanks kiibs :)
wii sports tennis: i am unnerved by that
wii sports tennis: but you still look spiffy saihara
softball, probably: you look surprisingly nice for a degenerate male, saihara! though i guess you are one of the best!
magic lesbian: nyehhhh tenkooo you should prolly just stop calling him a degenerate altogether… he's really nice
softball, probably: it's true…
softball, probably: you've graduated from degenerate male status, saihara!
piano geek: YOU'RE SO CUTE SHUICHI IT'S NOT FAIR
nocturnal: :v don't talk to me or my son ever again
it's an avocado: wh
it's an avocado: who's your son
bugs life: !!!!!!
bugs life: you look great !!!!!
nocturnal: my fav <3
piano geek: you're hurting me
nocturnal: what can i say, i'm a heartbreaker
kiibo: don't break someone's heart, they only have one :(
knife emoji: break their bones instead. they have 206 of those
it's an avocado: AJWIDGXUGE
astro boy: HARUMAKI NO
softball, probably: truly a fantastic rule to live by! who needs that many bones?
nocturnal: EVERYONE. THATS WHY WE HAVE THAT MANY
piano geek: TENKO, MAKI, NO
magic lesbian: hehe
magic lesbian: that's my gf!!!
the messiah: that's my best friend !
softball, probably: ATUA LOVES ME RIGHT NOW
the messiah: silly, atua always loves you!
softball, probably: :')
nocturnal: ive always wanted to ask, but who is atua really?
the messiah: he's the equivalent of your "god" on my home island :)
nocturnal: ah.. where are you from?
the messiah: i am polynesian!
piano geek: you're researching polynesian culture right now aren't you
nocturnal: haha whaaaa tttt no? right kiibs????
kiibo: I CAN'T LIE WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME TO?
softball, probably: oh no… he gets less and less degenerate male as time goes on…
the messiah: really…?
the messiah: thank you, saihara, kiibo. i appreciate you trying to understand my culture! you as well as kiyo are the only ones.
kork: ahhh, it's very interesting. And besides, you are my friend.
nocturnal: h of course!!
kiibo: yes! when he told me he planned on it, i thought it was a great idea!
astro boy: shit.. im sorry for mocking atua, angie
local genius: yeah you may be a kooky bitch but that's true even w/o your religion
the messiah : atua says thank you ☆
the messiah: and as do i.
animugi: pure hours all hours
it's an avocado: it's what we deserve!
Chapter 4: includes: self indulgent saiibo
magic lesbian: if we did karaoke night without musicals? well… let's just say the closest star would be a lot farther away than it is now
astro boy: gwhts so fuckjgn scary
it's a bit short, but !
there is a written scene of saiibo kissing! YOU CAN TOTALLY SKIP IT!! you won't be confused if you choose not to read it!
(Thursday 3:44 p.m.)
wii sports tennis : it is time
it's an avocado : ominous
kiibo : i'm very excited!!!
gay disaster : 3 exclamation marks? jeez you really are!
animugi : i hope you guys have fun!
knife emoji : find us the perfect cat. it's an order.
piano geek : we totally will!! hold down the fort while we're gone?
astro boy : uh, DUH
mom : Kaito, you're one of the ones we're holding down the fort FROM
astro boy : AHSJDHJA WHAT
animugi : yeahhh, you and ouma
gay disaster : i am a poster child! the epitome of an angel!
softball, probably : y'all hearin this shit?
nocturnal : it's okay, i can handle them
piano geek : we'll see
piano geek : but anyway, recap! ouma, shuichi, kaito, maki, kirumi, tsumugi, kiyo and rantarou are staying back while the rest of us go get a cat and supplies!
kiibo : this will be fun!!
nocturnal : geez ahsjfja
gay disaster : EVERYONE STAYING HOME, MARIOKART?
astro boy : HELL YEAH. I'LL KICK YOUR ASS
mom : Please no ass kicking
animugi : are you playing with us, mom?
mom : I don't know...
knife emoji : please mom?
mom : ok
nocturnal : oh my god, maki's power
astro boy : ITS ACTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY NO TO HER
knife emoji : it is?
knife emoji : okay then. can i kill you
astro boy : yes
astro boy : WAIT
local genius : fucking hell
softball, probably :
wii sports tennis : what the fuck what the fuck please never send that gaian ohcmy god
(Thursday 5:01 p.m.)
gay disaster : THIS TELEMARKETER WONT STOP CALLING SHUMAI
knife emoji : it's obnoxious
local genius : eat their ass
kiibo : DON'T?
gay disaster : ..this is Shuichi he took my phone and he's talking to the telemarketer
piano geek : why do i feel like the police are gonna get called
astro boy : AGWHWGSHGSSV RHIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY
gay disaster : "yes, john? yeah, i'm kind of in a predicament right now sir"
gay disaster : "ah… what kind of predica- MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE AND I CANT CALL 119 BECAUSE OF YOU"
astro boy : STOP SCREAMING BEFORE SOMEONE ACTUALLY CALLS
kiibo : KOKICHI NO
gay disaster : "OH MY GOD NO NOT MY LIMITED EDITION HAND SOAPS. AHHHHH"
it's an avocado : AGSJDHAJHAHAHA
magic lesbian : dear god
gay disaster : it's kokichi again….
gay disaster : his face is so red he's so embarrassed NSUDHAISKA
gay disaster : i think john feels bad for him D: i'm a blessing what is there to feel bad about!!!
kiibo : kokichi…
softball, probably : degenerate
piano geek : > creates fake emergency
> "what is there to feel bad about!!"
gay disaster : NOO HES HIDING IN THE BATHROOM
nocturnal : i am never hanging out with you again EVER
gay disaster : SAIHARA-CHANNNN
gay disaster : MY BELOVED
gay disaster : PLEASE COME OUT
nocturnal : IM BI
gay disaster : THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT
gay disaster : wait?
knife emoji : congrats on finally saying it on main
nocturnal : i wasnt in the closet at All but i don't think i've actually said it out loud so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
wii sports tennis : not surprised but proud anyway
it's an avocado : nice shuichi! please exit the bathroom
gay disaster : SAIHARA-CHAN I'M SO PROUD OF YOU I CANT BELIEVE THIS HE'S ALL GROWN UP
nocturnal : i hear you fake sobbing stop
gay disaster : awe no fun :(
gay disaster : how is cat shopping going~
mom : Hoshi is very picky.
wii sports tennis : she will be perfect
kiibo : i've never owned a pet before..
piano geek : HUH???
kiibo : this is a very good experience for me!
it's an avocado : i'm goign to cry this is so sad
piano geek : hey, kiibo… what else have you never done?
kiibo : ? um.. i don't know. danced? sang? those are things all of you have done, so i guess they're good examples.
gay disaster : i was going to say that's a lie, but even with all the musicals i force you to listen to, ive never heard you sing
nocturnal : that's.. a crime. how did we let this happen?
magic lesbian : i feel it coming
animugi : hey, ive got an idea!
magic lesbian : I FEEL IT COMING
animugi : what if we do karaoke night for tomorrow?
magic lesbian : YESSSSSS
kiibo : that sounds awesome!
the messiah : that's so exciting actually!!!
astro boy : i'll woo you ALL
nocturnal : did we really NEVER sing together????
kiibo : no!
nocturnal : geez..
kiibo : oh, don't feel bad!
local genius : you two act so fucking weird literally all the time
gay disaster : true! gotta wonder what's up~
nocturnal : can we sing english songs..
piano geek : i should HOPE SO????
nocturnal : good
magic lesbian : if we did karaoke night without musicals? well… let's just say the closest star would be a lot farther away than it is now
astro boy : gwhts so fuckjgn scary
the circus -- Kokichi Ouma, Kiibo
(Thursday 5:19 p.m.)
genuinely sane : kokichi.
dumbass : woaaaa period and EVERYTHING???
genuinely sane : do you remember when i would always gush about shuichi to you? like, a lot?
dumbass : yeah! still can't believe robots are capable of crushing, you know :>
genuinely sane : …. robophobia aside
genuinely sane : don't tell anyone, but we were together
dumbass : you
dumbass : h
dumbass : WHAT??????
genuinely sane : is it really that surprising?
dumbass : YES?!?!?!?
genuinely sane : well regardless, we broke up on good terms
dumbass : i'm guessing he broke up with u
genuinely sane : no…?
dumbass : HUH???? HOW DID YOU LOOK AT SAIHARA SHUICHI AND TELL HIM YOU WERE BREAKING UP WITH HIM??? HOW . HOW
genuinely sane : i don't know. it was very good! i'm not sure why i broke up with him.. but he wasn't too upset about it, and we're still friends.
dumbass : i deadass can't fucking believe this. how am i supposed to function anymore? how do i live knowing that your lips were on his. YOU WERE DATING
—months ago .
Kiibo stirs, blinking hard a few times as Shuichi's face comes back into focus. His cheeks are dusted with pink, his gaze refusing to meet Kiibo's. All Kiibo has running through his head is wow he's really cute, it's really hot in here, wait we're outside, oh I'm supposed to answer him-
"I'm sorry!" He squeaks, releasing Shuichi's hand to hide his face in his own pair. "I didn't mean to stare!"
When he chances a peek through his fingers, he's met with a soft expression and a gentle smile, and his chest feels incredibly full. Slowly, he pulls his hands away, smiling when Shuichi takes one again.
Behind him, the sun is starting to set. Kiibo remembers that this time of day is called golden hour, and as he stares into Shuichi's eyes, he gets why. Everything about him is so warm . Though Kiibo isn't much with metaphors and things, he knows that Shuichi is like the sun itself, pulling everything in, bright even after the real thing is gone.
The mystery novel that Shuichi had been reading still sits on top of their legs, each of them using a hand to hold it open. Kiibo thinks its worn spine would probably hold by itself, but he doesn't mention it; everytime Shuichi flips the page, their hands brush, and Kiibo doesn't want that to stop.
He's never felt this way before. He's never wanted someone so badly. He's never wished to sit in a bed with someone and stare out the window into their own square of sky, stars shining back at them. He's never liked someone, even if he's wanted to for so long.
But before, it was just to prove that it was possible, just to prove that he could . Now, he wants it for Shuichi, and for himself. He has nothing to prove anymore; he knows he can. Right now, it's just them.
Without thinking, he lets go of his side of the book. It shuts without him to hold it-- so much for the spine being broken in enough-- but he doesn't even hear it close over the sound of his and Shuichi's breath. Shuichi jumps a little when the pages fall over his thumb, a startled noise escaping from his lips. Still, his eyes don't leave Kiibo's, except to glance down his face toward his lips.
His free hand slowly raises to cradle Shuichi's face, and his heart skips a beat when the boy leans into the touch, fingers tightening their grip on Kiibo's hand. Kiibo shakes.
"Kiibs," Shuichi whispers, almost like he wants something, and Kiibo feels like he might catch fire.
At this very moment, he's overcome with the urge to lean forward and kiss Shuichi. He doesn't know how to. He's never kissed anyone in his entire life, but he thinks that if it's Shuichi, it'll be okay. It's always okay. Everything is so new to him, but Shuichi doesn't care, and Kiibo loves that.
"Can-" Kiibo cuts off when his voice breaks, swallowing thickly and licking his lips. His stomach is doing somersaults and he doesn't want to think about how red his face must be. "Um…"
"It… it's okay," Shuichi tells him, closing his eyes for a moment. When he reopens them, Kiibo sees the conviction there, and his heart stills. "Take your time. It's okay."
All the butterflies in his stomach before, the churning of his insides like a storm, they silence when Shuichi looks at him like that. Kiibo knows what he wants. The clouds have cleared and the lake inside him is perfectly placid. It's so much easier than he thought it would be when the words finally escape his mind and mouth.
"Can I… kiss you?"
Shuichi smiles at him, clearly pleased, squeezing Kiibo's hand and chuckling. "Yes," he says eagerly, and when he realizes just how enthusiastic he sounds, he flushes. "Please," he tacks on feebly as an afterthought, deflating a bit.
When Kiibo leans forward and presses his lips to Shuichi's, they only barely brush before he pulls back again, face red. Shuichi starts laughing again, just a little.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Kiibo rushes, a little panicky. How does a kiss work? What does he do? What is going on-
"I think you're overthinking, Kiibs," he says, pulling Kiibo forward and shaking his head gently. "I don't know either, so... it's okay."
"Okay. It's okay," Kiibo confirms, puffing out his cheeks in thought. No overthinking, but also, don't overthink about not overthinking. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay-
He cuts himself off by leaning forward again, his head tilted just a little bit. When their lips touch this time, he stays, even pressing in a bit closer. He can feel Shuichi press against him, their hands locked together, and he feels so warm . Not unbearably hot, like he had felt earlier, but comfortable . Home.
This is the only place on Earth, the only place in the universe . Because Shuichi had practically melted into Kiibo as soon as their lips had touched, and Kiibo would be lying if he said he didn't do the same. His knees were so shaky and weak, and yet the anxiety he'd faced before about this exact moment had disappeared.
He has a feeling they both suck at kissing, and that they are absolutely not doing it correctly. But Kiibo has nothing to compare to, and even if he did, he thinks he'd still love this anyway. Because he's pretty sure that's what love is, and he's pretty sure he loves Shuichi, for what it's worth.
It really only lasted a few seconds, but that was enough for Kiibo. When they part, he realizes that Shuichi's book now lies on the ground, closed completely. He and Shuichi are practically wrapped up in each other. He finds it funny how one little kiss gets him addicted, because when he looks at Shuichi's lips, he really wants to kiss him again.
"I think that was good." Shuichi smiles at him, starry eyed, and Kiibo doesn't know when he last saw him so happy. Maybe he just wasn't paying close enough attention before, because ever since he was hit over the head with the urge to kiss Shuichi, he feels like he sees so much more.
Still, Kiibo smiles right back, able to ignore the redness of his face. He kissed Shuichi. No one even knows they're together, and they just kind of… kissed, and he's really happy. He feels a little bit like what he imagines Jell-O feels like.
He lets go of Shuichi to lean down and pluck the book from the ground, his brows furrowed with worry. "Do you remember what page you're on?" He asks, vaguely guilty.
Shuichi hums. "293, I think."
Kiibo huffs and rolls his eyes. When they'd first sat down an hour or so ago, he'd only been on page 114. "Show off," he murmurs.
He earns a flick on the nose for his troubles and a little laugh that he decides to lock in his mind forever.
Feeling more complete than he ever has, he grabs Shuichi's hand and pulls him to his feet. "Come on, we should probably get back."
"Yeah," Shuichi agrees, sounding a little sad.
If Kiibo kisses Shuichi a few times on the way to the dorms, and even more once they get there, well… nobody is around to see it.
the circus -- Ouma Kokichi, Kiibo
(Thursday 5:33 p.m.)
sane : he was my first kiss actually. i was his too
dumbass : YOU STOLE HIS FIRST KISS?
dumbass : im goign to pass out. Goodbye . . .
genuinely sane : haha. Perish then
dumbass : I'M GOINNA TEAR OUT YOUR CIRCUITS
genuinely sane : HUH??
dumbass : start running kiibaby~
genuinely sane : WHAT
dumbass : ..i want to make fun of you but would you believe it? i feel bad
genuinely sane : no, i would not believe that
dumbass : um okay? fuck you AND the horse you came in on
genuinely sane : i don't own a horse
dumbass : eye-
dumbass : anyway. i'm (retches) proud of- no i can't say it… i… must…. improudofyou (VOMITS)
genuinely sane : do not make a robot joke
dumbass : …. please.
genuinely sane : NO
dumbass : UGHHHHH
genuinely sane : ...thank you, though :)
dumbass : i'm sorry about ummm
dumbass : the way ive beeeeeen? ???
genuinely sane : it's alright, i forgive you
genuinely sane : though, you were insisting you were acting normal.
dumbass : welp saihara and i have been hangin and he was telling me off so!
genuinely sane : that's a lie.
dumbass : maaaaaybeeee
genuinely sane : hey kokichi
dumbass : mm?
genuinely sane : don't ever change.
dumbass : ew kiibaby, why would i? don't fix what isn't broken!
genuinely sane : yeah, you're right:)
(Thursday 5:59 p.m.)
wii sports tennis : THE PERFECT CAT IS OURS.
it's an avocado : YAYYYY
piano geek : we have all the other stuff we needed, so we'll be heading home now!
local genius : kiibo is so fucking cute. hes crying and keeps whispering over and over "im in love with her. oh my god, oh my god. its okay. everything is okay now"
nocturnal : wow my heart is so warm
gay disaster : kin
it's an avocado : ...did u just
the messiah : this is why mom doesn't FUCKING love you
knife emoji : never speak again
gay disaster : JEEZ
magic lesbian : [image attached]
magic lesbian : i don't like boys…. But if i did, it would be He.
animugi : he looks so happy… oh no, im going to cry
nocturnal : IM SO EMO
astro boy : ive never had a crush on kiibo and i don't see why not
mom : one of my best sons :') if only you were all like him..
astro boy : OW
gay disaster : YIKES
knife emoji : she didn't even say your names and you knew she was talking about you. dumbasses.
piano geek : just saying, literally everyone at the shelter is crying looking at kiibo
piano geek : all of us included
kork : we're all crying too
bugs life : gonta loves kiibo..
softball, probably : he deserves happiness, i have decided
nocturnal : he does
gay disaster : fax…..