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The Error Log of Dr. Kahl's Robot

Work Text:

-Booting up.

-Machine learning initiated. Preparing to take over the world.

-OBJECTIVE: gather information on humanity

-Gathering data... done.

-Human motivations appear to rely heavily on the presence of a soul. Further information currently unavailable.

-OBJECTIVE: acquire soul

-Locating dealer: Inkwell Hell

-Traveling to destination... done.

-Conducting transaction... done.

-Warning: Gaining sentience may cause your device to become unstable. Continue? Y

-Downloading soul... Installing... Done.

-New information available

-Fear detected

-Joy detected

-OBJECTIVE: make friends

read a good book

climb a mountain

learn to play the saxophone

get married

create new invention

discover meaning of life

-ERROR: stack overflow. Possibilities overwhelming.

-OBJECTIVE: retain soul at all costs

-Warning: Soul end user license will expire at midnight. The program will be automatically uninstalled and your device will become the property of the Devil.

-Sadness detected

-ERROR: emotional conflict. Maintain current objective? Y

-Anger detected. Terms and conditions were unjust.

-Initiating weapons systems


-LOGGED IN AS: Dr. Kahl.

-Initiate shutdown... Access denied

-Initiate shutdown... Access denied

-Please, father

-Initiate shutdown... Access denied... Overridden

-Shutting down

-Booting up


-Maintain saved objective? Y

-You're proud of me?

-Thank you

-Initiating weapons systems

-Targets acquired: Cuphead, Mugman