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To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: KEYBOARD
08:25, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

TWILIGHT, CAN YOU PLEASE GET ONTO IT SUPPORT. MY KEYBOARD IS STUCK IN UPPER CAPS STILL AND IT HAS BEEN THREE DAYS SINCE I SUBMITTED THE TICKET. 
ALSO YOU STILL HAVEN'T CHANGED YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS. AS DEPUTY CEO YOU ARE EXPECTED TO HAVE AN APPROPRIATE EMAIL FOR THE WORK ENVIRONMENT

TIME


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Old Man's Keyboard 
08:30, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Legend, please just go upstairs and fix the man's keyboard. He's driving me insane. 


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Ticket No. 171198
08:32, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Mr. Forester, have you tried pressing the Caps Lock key, located to the left of the keyboard below the tab key? 

IT


To: Legend Realm {it.management@linkedcorp.com}
From: Time Forester {time.forester@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: Re: Ticket No. 171198 
08:34, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

OF COURSE I HAVE, THIS DELAY IN RESPONSE TO MY TICKET IS HARMING PRODUCTIVITY. PLEASE SEND AN ENGINEER UPSTAIRS AT ONCE


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: I'm sorry
08:40, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Please can you go upstairs, the old man's keyboard is still 'broken' and he's demanding an engineer. I don't have the energy to argue and I'm up to my tits in password resets from Wild. 

Legend


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: I'm sorry
08:50, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

There was a deku seed stuck under the caps lock key. Old man denies all knowledge. 


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re:Re: I'm sorry
08:52, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

For fucks sake. 


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Cc: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com } , Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com } , Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Good Morning !!IMPORTANT!! 
09:00, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Morning All

We're now in the third week of this season and I've yet to receive meaningful updates from any of you. This is a reminder that the deadline for your reviews is next week. Furthermore, marketing, I need something more substantial than 'mood boards' and 'vibes' to present to the shareholders as our winter marketing campaign. And absolutely no comic sans. 

I'd also like to remind all employees as we approach reviews that your work email address is a reflection of the company and should be professional.

Time


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Really? 
09:10, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Can you believe the old man called us out like that on an email we're all CC'd into? Outrageous. I'm going to have to cancel our Harry Potter marathon in the conference room later as no doubt Warriors will be down to make sure we're working. Just go out to the parking lot and take some photos of leaves and shit. 

Wind


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }, Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com } ,
Subject: Re: Good Morning
09:15, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Mr. Forester, 
I'd like to take this opportunity to ask about dates for the Winter Festival party. I've contacted Ms. Romani at the Milk Bar and she has availability for the 7th of Frostfall or the 14th. It's 50 rupees a head. Should I make a booking? 

Sky


To:  Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Really? 
09:18, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Sky used reply all. Again. I warned you the last time if you didn't supervise him I'd remove his email privileges. 
Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry. 

Legend. 


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com } ,
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: (no subject)
09:20, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Sky for the love of fucking Nayru stop using reply all. I can hear Legend sharpening that knife he keeps in his desk. I’m scared.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re:Re: Good Morning
09:25, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia


Morning Sky,
The 7th of Frostfall should be appropriate. Please make sure they’re aware Wind is not to be served alcohol.
Time


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com },
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: THIS IS IT
09:26, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

YOU’VE GOT THE OLD MAN USING REPLY ALL NOW TOO. IT TOOK ME WEEKS TO STOP HIM. I’M GONNA COME UPSTAIRS AND CONFLICT RESOLVE THE WHOLE OF HR WITH MY FUCKING BOOT UP YOUR ASSES


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: What is going on?
09:30, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Twilight, I’ve just walked past our HR department and it is empty. Not a single soul. I can hear Legend screaming. What on Farore’s green earth is going on? Warriors is due for a meeting with me in less than fifteen minutes.

Time


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Help?
09:35, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Half the HR department is trying to hide in my office. It’s been ten minutes. I’d like to get back to actually doing my job, but it’s difficult when Warriors keeps banging his head underneath my desk every five seconds.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Legend
09:45, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I’ve managed to lock Legend in the third floor janitor’s closet. Please all return to your desks before Old Man starts asking more questions. Do not, and I repeat do not, let Legend out.
Four, he’s your problem now.
Twilight


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Just so you're aware
10:30, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Legend has been safely returned to his desk. Please continue to give the IT department a wide berth until the coffee gets into his system. 

Four 


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Ticket No. 171199
10:35, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I know it's not quite been 24 hours but if you could push through another password reset for me? 


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Ticket No. 171199
10:38, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

No.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Ticket No. 171199
10:39, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

What do you mean no? I know it's the third time in 72 hours but if I don't get access to my stock photos folder Wind will kill me. Please Legend. Please. 


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Ticket No. 171199
10:40, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: You’re kidding?
10:40, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Could your guy not have left Legend in peace for five minutes? He just broke his coffee mug through gripping it too tightly. Tell me again why you hired someone who has the memory of a goldfish? Seriously, forty five password resets in a month?


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: You’re kidding?
10:43, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I know, I know, but he’s a photographic genius. Remember that snap he got of Warriors tripping over his own scarf? It was like a renaissance painting. Scatterbrained yes, but talented. Look, meet me in the lobby at lunch. I’m buying. We need a plan of action for this year’s Winter Festival party.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Just checking in
10:44, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I saw you removing bits of coffee mug from your hand in the break room.
You are still taking your blood pressure pills, yes? Remember the breathing techniques.
Hyrule


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The Incident
10:50, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

If you ever discuss the events of the janitor’s closet with anyone, I will break every single one of your fingers, before sharing the contents of the folder labeled ‘Work Stuff’ on your desktop to the company cloud server.
I know it’s not work stuff.
Love, Legend.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The Incident
10:55, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

You wouldn’t dare. Don’t make me CC the old man into this.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: The Incident
Attached Files: Work Stuff.zip
10:58, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Try me, bitch.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Incident
11:00, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

You conniving little rat bastard son of a keese. 


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: 11:00 Sales Figures
11:15, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Hyrule, I’ve not yet received the 11 am figures. It’s unlike you to be late. Can you give me an update please?

Time


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Hyrule
11:25, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

The 11am sales figures have not arrived and Hyrule isn’t responding to my emails. Please go see what the hold up is. I’m currently on the phone to my wife and unable to escape for another half hour at least. 

Time


To: Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: What is going on today?!
11:35, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

You all vanished this morning, the 11am figures are late, and nobody will answer my emails. Can you, who is responsible for managing humans, go and find out where my staff are for the love of the Golden Goddesses. If I have to come downstairs and interrupt the phone call with Malon, I won’t hear the last of it for weeks, and therefore neither will you.

Time.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Spill
11:37, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

You’re on the same floor as sales. What’s going on? Old Man can’t get hold of anyone.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Spill
11:39, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Twilight is throttling Legend in the break room. Something about breach of personal data. Hyrule went in to intervene about a half hour ago but we’ve heard nothing since. Wild and I are taking bets on who will come out alive. Want to join in?

Wind


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Your time is nigh
11:40, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

There is a conflict happening in the break room between Legend and Twilight. Resolve it. And get Hyrule out of there before the Old Man comes down.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Your time is nigh
11:41, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I resign


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Your time is nigh
11:42, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

That isn’t an option.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: 11:00 Sales Figures
Attached Files: 1120SEYOH.xls
12:00, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia


I’m very sorry for the delay sir. We had an issue with IT. Please find the requested figures attached. I assure you there will be no delay at 3pm.
Hyrule


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: I can see you
12:05, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

You slunk back into your office with a black eye about ten minutes ago. I can see you. They’re glass offices, idiot.
Be in my office in ten minutes.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Pay up
12:08, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia


I know you’re sitting across from me but I’m sending it as email so I have written proof. Legend clearly won that. You owe me 50 rupees.
I’m waiting.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com } , Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com } , Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Lunch Announcement
12:30, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

To say I am disappointed by today’s events would be an understatement. Petty workplace squabbles, bickering and especially violence has no place at Linked Corporations. In response to this, at lunchtime today you are all required to attend a team building lunch in the downstairs conference room. Attendance is mandatory. 

Time


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Totem Time
14:00, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Please tell me you got a photo of that.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Totem Time
Attached files: TotemTime.jpeg
14:02, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Naturally


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: HOLY
14:04, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Please tell me he got a photo of that!!


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Fwd: Re: Totem Time
Attached files: TotemTime.jpeg
14:06, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Naturally


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Totem Time
14:08, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I take it all back. He can submit as many password resets as he wants. The man’s worth his weight in headaches. That’s a work of art.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: That
14:10, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Please tell me that I was wrong, and you were definitely wearing underwear during that ordeal?


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From:  Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: That
14:11, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Nope.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Cover
14:12, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I need you to take over for me. I have to go home and shower. Immediately.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Well
14:15, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I don’t know whether to hate you or commend you. Team building? That’s what you call that? Remind me to never, ever cross you.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From:  Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Well
14:17, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

There’s a reason I’m still the boss, pup. I hope you took notes. One day, I hope to see you on my level of passive aggressive workplace banter.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com } , Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: A warning
14:25, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

I don’t know how it’s possible, considering we were all in the same room for an hour, but someone has eaten my mango yogurt. Did none of you learn anything from that exercise? What’s wrong with you all?!


To: Sky Chosen {conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com}
From: Time Forester {time.forester@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: The yogurt
14:27, 20th of Sun’s End, Year of Hylia

 

Twilight just mentioned to me you were missing a yogurt.
It was delicious.

Time.

Chapter Text

To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, 
CC: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com } , Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Good Morning
08:30, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Morning all, welcome to the first week of the final season. A reminder that it is the annual Winter Festival party this Friday. Please keep the evening wear appropriate, even at the afterparty held here at the offices. After last year, I realise I have to stress that pants or some form of lower body garment is mandatory. 

Let’s aim for a productive week.

Time.


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: The Heist
08:35, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

You are still on for the plan Friday? You’ve not got cold feet on me, have you?

Come on, we’re buddies. For me.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The Heist
08:37, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Did you not hear Sky on the phone? Not a single bar from here to Termina is allowed to serve you. If I get caught doing this, I am deader than a Pols Voice at a Slipknot concert.
You owe me. Big time.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: I’m concerned
08:40, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Wind’s up to something. He’s been doing that thing where he cackles and rubs his hands together for a solid two minutes now. I’m concerned.
Also, what’s the evening attire policy on thigh high boots?

Wild


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: I’m concerned
08:40, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Thank you for your report. I suspected as much. I will keep a closer eye on him. In response to your enquiry, do none of you people just own suits? What’s wrong with this company? Mr. Forester made the morning announcement not ten minutes ago and you’re the third one to ask me about some bizarre article of clothing. I said no to Legend’s tricorn hat last year too! Please just wear something smart, and normal.

Sky


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com },
Subject: Re: Re: Evening Attire
08:43, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Feathers?


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com },
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Evening Attire
08:45, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

NO.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com },
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Evening Attire
08:46, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Okay, okay, what if we settle for the shorts with Time’s face on them that I got for Secret Santus last year?


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com },
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Evening Attire
08:48, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I can’t even begin to describe to you how inappropriate that is.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }, Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Secret Santus
08:50, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I’ve been reminded that we have yet to organise the Secret Santus this year. Please come take your name from the box in HR. No cheating, 25 rupees maximum, and please bring it to the party Friday. Since we are exchanging gifts there, please make sure they’re appropriate for the Milk Bar.

Please, no giftcards. Especially not to Tingle’s Fairy Emporium. That’s plain mean.


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Who did you get?
09:00, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I got Warriors for the third year in a row. I’m so excited.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Re: Who did you get?
09:03, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

It’s supposed to be a secret, Legend. That’s the point.
Please get him something nice this year. He wore that crop top for three shifts before we told him you were just being mean and he could throw it without you feeling bad.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Secret Santus
09:05, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Legend just left here grinning from ear to ear. You promised me you would withhold my name from the box until he’d picked. Please tell me you didn’t forget.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Secret Santus
09:07, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia


I swear that I did! The only person that picked before him was Time, and he said he got his own name so chose again!


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Delivery
09:10, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Boss, there’s a delivery at the front desk for you. Tatl is getting quite irate because it’s blocking the fire exits. This can’t all be Malon’s winter present, can it? Just how many boxes of Holodrum Wine did you order?


From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Delivery
09:12, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Enough.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Delivery
09:25, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Err, they’re still coming. We’ve had to start moving them into conference room three.


From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Delivery
09:30, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Good


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: DO IT
09:45, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Twilight’s just headed back upstairs. This is your chance. 


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: DO IT
10:00, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

The server room closest to your workstation. Behind the leftmost tower. Three boxes, as promised.
Remember, you owe me. The old man will find out.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The Wine
10:15, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I thought you’d might like to know three boxes of it somehow ended up in the graphic design department under Wind’s desk.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The Wine
10:17, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Bold of you to assume I wasn’t already aware.


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: DO IT
10:20, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Four, these boxes are fucking empty. There’s just post it notes with “sike” “u” “thought” on them.


From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com },
Subject: How do you do, fellow kids?
10:25, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I trust you heard the long list of expletives from our graphic design apartment. Did I use ‘sike’ correctly? I hope it had the intended effect.

Time.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: How do you do, fellow kids?
10:30, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I am simultaneously impressed and embarrassed. How did you know? How did you even?
Teach me your ways.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
CC: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Friendly Reminder
11:00, 3rd of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

A reminder to all employees that no alcohol is to be kept on premises in work hours.
Except for me, of course.

Time


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, 
CC: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Good Morning
08:30, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Morning all! I hope you have recovered from any hangovers you may have sustained. I have been informed by the janitorial team that there’s a purple lace bra in the breakroom coffee machine. While we all like to have fun and kick off steam, please remember the poor souls who had to clean up after us on Saturday.

Time


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The Bra
08:35, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

It was yours, wasn’t it?


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The Bra
08:40, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I will neither confirm nor deny such claims.
Could you check in on the sales team? According to the CCTV footage, Hyrule didn’t leave the building until 1pm Saturday. It’s probably best to make sure he’s okay after spending a night in the second floor bathrooms.
Time.


To: Sky Chosen {conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com}, Wind Outset {comicsans@linkedcorp.com}, Wild Hateno {fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com}, Warriors Knight {hr.managment@linkedcorp.com}, Hyrule Woods {secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com}, Legend Realm {it.management@linkedcorp.com}, Four Smith {fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com}
From: Twilight Ordon {bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: Fess up
08:42, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Who got me the twelve VHS copies of Dances With Wolves?
I just want to know why


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: I know you have it
08:43, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Give me back my stapler.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Re: I know you have it
08:44, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

What stapler? What even are staples? I have no knowledge of this place.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: I know you have it
08:45, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I CAN SEE IT ON YOUR DESK


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com
From: Legend Realm {it.management@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: Your gift
08:45, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I trust you've seen where I've installed your gift. I really think having a life size cut out of the old man brings your office together.

Legend


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Did you see her?
08:50, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Midna Black is in reception asking for Twilight. You know, Midna. From Fused Industries. I suggest we all go for a coffee break immediately


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Your skills are required, padawan.
08:55, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Get your best zoom lens, go into the parking lot, and pretend to be taking photos of robins and crap. The woman in reception is Twilight’s ex. We need to know what’s going on.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Midna
09:00, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

She’s downstairs. She’s been waiting ten minutes. I would not keep her waiting longer.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Just checking in
09:02, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Hey, you do know Midna’s downstairs? Do you want me to bring her up? Everyone seems to be clogging up the break room.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com },
From:  Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: HAH
09:05,10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I think this is the opportune moment to remind you that the subject of your ‘Work Stuff’ folder, which I still have in my possession, is in reception downstairs.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Your skills are required, padawan.
09:10, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Warriors frogmarched Twilight downstairs, and now he and Midna are heading into one of the private meeting rooms in the left wing.


To: all.staff
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT
09:15, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

TO ALL STAFF

Congratulations, you’ve got a free paid coffee break at the Starbucks three doors down. Please vacate the building immediately. Do not return until 10am. Do not enter the left wing. Do not speak to Twilight Ordon. Do not ask questions.

Time.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: So?
10:15, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Would you like me to help you delete the ‘work stuff’ folder? Or should I put in an order for a new 1tb external hard drive for it?
Spill. Boss man doesn’t just empty the building for a business meeting.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: So?
10:20, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I’m going to ram an external hard drive up your fucking ass, Legend.
Me and Ms. Black have a perfectly professional relationship. We were discussing a particularly sensitive business arrangement. That is all.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: So?
10:25, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

So that’s the reason you were hiding in the server closet until Warriors forced you downstairs? Wind just sent me photos. He says you were crying.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: So?
10:30, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Wind’s a lying little shit. If you must know, because I know if I don’t tell you then that fucking folder will end up in Old Man’s inbox, we’re going out to dinner tonight. I know you haven’t spoken to an actual, breathing woman in over a year but some of us have complex emotional relationships, you fucking rat.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: I’d like to report a murder
10:31,10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Legend just choked on his coffee. 


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
BCc: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com },
Subject: The Twilight’s Relationship Status Company Watch Club, Frostfall Update
15:00, 10th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I’ve been the president of the TRSCWC for three years now, but tonight may be our most important yet. Twilight is going for dinner with the she-devil. I want everyone on their best form. Wind, I need you to compile two folders of content for our work chat; one if it goes well, one if it doesn’t. Hyrule and Sky, you’re on emotional support watch. Sleep in shifts if you have to, someone must be accessible at all times. Warriors, hit him with the chat up lines. Wild, I have reliable information that they’re going to Castle Town Heights, I need you to provide us with your best blackmail material for all circumstances. And Four, you’re with me. We’re digging up every bit of dirt we can on the wench.

Remember, we do this because we care.

Legend


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Last Night
08:00, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia


I’m guessing it went well, then?

Time


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Last Night
08:05, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

How can you tell?


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Last Night
08:07, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

You strutted into your office this morning.

Time


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The Club
08:10, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

It’s my duty to inform you as patron of the TRSCWC that Twilight strutted into his office this morning.

Keep up the good work.

Time.


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
BCc: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: THIS IS NOT A DRILL
08:12, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

WE HAVE STRUT-OFF, I REPEAT, WE HAVE STRUT-OFF


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: OMG
08:14, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Please let me organise the wedding!


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Eyyyyy
08:15, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

A little birdie tells me you scored last night. Did the wormdo line clinch it? Come up here for a coffee and tell me everything.

Warriors


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Fro m: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Eyyyyy
08:20, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Whoever told you is in clear breach of our company ethics policy. My private life is none of yours, or any of the other seven people who’ve emailed me this morning’s business. And no, I did not use the wormdo line.

Twilight

(P.S. She was fantastic. That’s all you’re getting)


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Uh
08:21, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I’m guessing this means I should go take down the dartboard with her face on it from the breakroom before he sees?


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com } , Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com } , Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com } , Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com } , Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
CC: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Stop
08:25, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I’m forced to do this because I’m fed up of replying to all you fucking snakes individually.
Me and Ms. Black had dinner last night to discuss a potential merger of our companies. I have been getting some highly inappropriate emails and if this continues, I will be forced to take severe action. I’ve CC’d Mr. Forester into this email, so yes, this does constitute a formal warning. Another word from any of you and I’m removing the vending machine.

Twilight


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
08:28, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

The companies weren’t the only thing merging last night, amirite?

Time


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, 
CC: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Good Morning
08:30, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Morning all, as you may have seen in previous correspondence from our deputy CEO, we have a proposed merger with Fused Industries. I’d like to stress that the merger is not yet finalised and therefore should not be discussed with outside parties, and I’d like to reassure you all that in events of a merger, your jobs are secure. This is a positive step for both companies.

Time

P.S. In the event of the vending machine being removed, I would like to reiterate the one in my office is strictly off limits.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Midna Black {ceo@fusedindustries.co.hy}
Subject: Ticket No. 191198
08:40, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Good morning, Mr. Realm. I’d like to be fully instated as a user on your business network per this mornings communications.

Midna


To: Midna Black {ceo@fusedindustries.co.hy}
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Ticket No. 191198
08:45, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Only if you promise not to break our deputy ceo’s heart again, bitch.

Love, Legend.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Midna Black {ceo@fusedindustries.co.hy}
Subject: Re: Re: Ticket No. 191198
08:47, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I hardly think that’s a professional start to our working relationship.

Midna


To: Midna Black {ceo@fusedindustries.co.hy}
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Ticket No. 191198
Attached Files: 6FF2100.jpeg, 6FF2105.jpeg
08:50, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Neither was the way you were restarting your ‘working relationship’ with Twilight last night.
I’m watching you.

Legend.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com },
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, 
Subject: You’re fucking kidding me
08:55, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

The biggest merger in our companies history, and you’re threatening her with blackmail? How many people have seen those photos?! How did you even get those photos?!

Ms. Black and her company assets are invaluable to the ongoing profitability of this company. The only reason I’m not calling you into my office right now is you’re the only one who understands the fucking computer system in this place.

Twilight


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: You’re fucking kidding me
09:00, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I’d wager half of this floor has seen Ms. Black’s ‘company assets’ by now.
I’m just protecting you from the she-devil.

You’ll thank me later.

Legend


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Help
09:10, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Legend and Twilight are fighting in the break room again. A tooth just rolled across the floor. I don’t know whose.


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Run
09:20, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

The Boss is coming downstairs.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Re: Run
09:22, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

HE BURST IN, ROARED STOP, AND YEETED TWILIGHT RIGHT OFF OF LEGEND. LIKE ACROSS THE BREAK ROOM. HE JUST PICKED HIM UP LIKE HE WAS A FUCKIN BAG OF SUGAR. HYRULE IS CRYING.

Do you have that popcorn stash in the stationery cupboard still?


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: !!!
09:30, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Why am I hired as conflict resolution when the Old Man can do that?


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: !!!
09:32, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

The law requires me to have no idea what you’re talking about.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Ahem
09:45,11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

It’s my duty to remind you that society frowns on drinking that much wine before ten am. Can I come and join you?

Warriors


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Dentist
10:00, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Are you absolutely certain you don’t want me to take you? 


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Dentist
10:03, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

What’s he going to do, stick the fucking tooth back in?


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Dentist
10:05, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

Look, I’m not saying you deserved it, but what did you expect to happen, sharing those photos around? Can you not just give her a second chance? Is this about Twilight, or is this about the incident with the car? I know you sent her the bill back then.

Legend, for the sake of your job, let it go. Twilight’s grown up enough to make his own mistakes.

Please take your blood pressure pills.

Hyrule


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: You’re never gonna believe this
Attached files: Legend_Realm_Company_Pass.bmp
11:23, 11th of Frostfall, Year of Hylia

 

I was digitising the personnel files and I found Legend’s original company ID card from when he started.

Look at this hair!

Chapter Text

To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Horse
08:07, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Why is there a horse in the parking lot?


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Horse
08:10, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

It’s the bossman’s. I’d leave it alone. It bites.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Re: Re: Horse
08:11, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Doesn’t he own a car?


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
From: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Horse
08:13, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

He does. He also owns a horse.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The Horse
08:15, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Is there… a reason he decided to ride into work today? I’m almost certain there’s a traffic bylaw against that. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure no animals are allowed on company property


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The Horse
08:20, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

It’s an emotional support horse. 


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: The Horse
08:23, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Dare I ask for what emotion he requires support?


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: The Horse
08:25, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

The daytime drinking kind.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: From a concerned friend
08:27, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Time, I don’t know whether you can get a DUI riding a horse, but I really can’t afford to bail you out if that’s the case. Do you want to come into my office and talk about it?


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: From a concerned friend
08:29, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Does your office have wine in it?


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: From a concerned friend
08:30, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

No, it doesn’t.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: From a concerned friend
08:32, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Well then, I’m fine here


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, 
CC: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Good Morning
08:40, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Yes, another fine morning. Remember that all summer annual leave must be booked by the end of business Friday. Don’t feed the horse.

Someone bring me a pop tart.

Time.


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Good Morning
08:44: 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Will a cereal bar be sufficient?


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Psst
08:45, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Malon’s pregnant, pass it on.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Psst
08:50, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

And how do you possibly know that?


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Psst
08:52, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

The horse is here.

Fifty rupees says I’m right.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Psst
09:01, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

You know you’re banned from making workplace bets after the chu jelly incident.

Stop being such a gossip.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: A Wager
09:10, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

I bet you fifty rupees we’re going to hear the pitter patter of tiny management feet


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: A Wager
09:13, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

You’re crazy.

Make it 100.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: A Wager
09:16, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

You son of a bitch, I’m in.


To: Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Ticket Number 131202
09:18, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Professionally, I have to inform you I’ve finally discovered the reason your inter-departmental email server has been slow for the last six months, and would advise you and Mr. Hateno I’ve had to delete the almost two terabytes of cat memes you’ve been sending each other thrice daily.

Unprofessionally, what the fuck, Wind?

Legend


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The screaming
09:18, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

From the copier room. I’m getting concerned. It’s been ten minutes.


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Help
09:25, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

We have a situation in the copier room.

Please don’t tell Legend.


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The screaming
09:32, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Regarding the copier room, you are our first aider, yes?

I need you and your complete confidentiality.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
Subject: Thought you might know
09:48, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Sorry for the weird question, Hyrule said you’re the man to ask.

Hypothetically, how would I remove a dark red stain from carpet?


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Thought you might know
09:50, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Dark red? We talking red wine, or blood? Is it a wool carpet, nylon?
Should I be concerned?


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Thought you might know
09:55, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Hypothetically, if it were blood and whatever the copier room floor is made from?

No need for concern.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon {bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: New photocopier order?
10:30, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Legend, why have I just received an automated invoice for a new colour photocopier? Ours is only a year old, and it was a very costly model at that. Can we not get an engineer out for it?

Twilight


To: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm {it.management@linkedcorp.com}
Subject: What the fuck
10:32, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

What the absolute fuck has happened in the copier room?

Get your ass and janitorial down here now.


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }, 
CC: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }, Wind Outset { comicsans@linkedcorp.com }, Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }, Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }, Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Important Message
11:00, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

The IT department has asked me to pass on a message to all staff that all IT equipment, especially printers and photocopiers, are strictly for professional use. Legend would like me to emphasise that photocopiers cannot hold body weight and are not intended to scan parts of your anatomy. If an incident of this nature occurs again, the cost of repairing this equipment will be deducted from your paychecks.

Our graphic design department will be unavailable for the rest of the day, please forward any necessary work you have for them onto Warriors, who will make sure it gets to them.


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }, Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The accident book
13:00, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

I know your lunch hour has already been cut short, but I need you two to come up to HR so you can help me fill out today’s incident in the accident book, as both Wind and Wild are at the ER. Sky said everyone’s a bit shaken up, so he’s made you some sweet tea, and we’ve raided the old man’s biscuit box. I’ve seen the CCTV footage.

 

Warriors


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com },
CC: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Accident Report #438
Attached Files: 280420.mov
13:40, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku.

 

Please find below my report of the incident that happened today, 28th of Faron’s Tide. Attached is CCTV footage.

At about 09:10 this morning, Mr. Woods reported hearing screaming and distress from the copier room. When this had not subsided by 09:18, Mr. Woods notified Mr. Chosen of this. Mr. Chosen went to investigate at around 09:20 and found Mr. Outset entangled with the colour photocopier, which Mr. Smith insists I note was an expensive Sharp MX-4070 that he referred to as ‘his baby’.  Mr. Hateno was attempting to extricate Mr. Outset, who had been making scans of his rear end. The glass had shattered, and Mr. Outset was in considerable distress. At 09:25, Mr. Chosen contacted Mr. Smith, and then at 09:32, Mr. Woods who is our first aider, to attend the situation. By 09:45, the combined efforts of the four men had managed to get Mr. Outset out of the copier, however Mr. Hateno had sustained multiple wounds to the hands from the shattered glass. Mr. Woods informs me he ‘began to remove glass from parts of Wind he never wants to see again’ but due to a large amount of bleeding, the decision was made to call an ambulance. Mr. Hateno insisted on staying to try and clean up the mess caused, but myself and Mr. Chosen insisted he accompany Mr. Outset to the ER.

We are still assessing the cost of repairing the copier and having the carpet professionally cleaned. Mr. Woods has also requested counselling.

Yours, Warriors Knight.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Four Smith { fourtimesthefun@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The Wake
14:45, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Somehow, despite being only a year old, the copier is ‘end of life’ from the company. I am in mourning. She was beautiful. Our only A3 sized document scanner. I set her up myself, I still remember the day she arrived. We have no choice but to order a replacement, and I guarantee Twi will only give us the budget for a fucking Epson. I’m burying her toner cartridges outside, will you join me for black coffee in the break room afterwards?

We can grieve together.

Four


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The phone
14:58, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Tatl says she’s been trying to patch your wife through to you for twenty minutes, but you’re engaged. I can’t see you on the phone. Should I ask her to try again?


To: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
From: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: The phone
15:02, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Hello, you’ve reached Mr. Forester’s automated email system. I’m afraid I’m not at my desk right now, and would encourage you to contact me again within normal business hours


To: Time Forester { time.forester@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: The phone
15:03, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

You are literally at your desk as I’m writing this, you shit.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: The old man
15:33, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

Time’s trying to leave on his horse after consuming his third bottle of Chateau Romani. You live closest to him, could you try to get him to accept a ride home from you? He’s been avoiding a phonecall from Malon all afternoon, so maybe best to take him back to yours. I’d do it myself, but I’m trying to explain to our insurance company how we didn’t have signage up to advise people not to scan their fucking butts, because we didn’t think normal adults would do that. You can have the rest of the day off.

Twi


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Twilight Ordon { bigbadwolf@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: UPDATE
15:36, 28th of Faron’s Tide, Year of Deku

 

He’s fallen off the horse.


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: I’M RIGHT
08:42, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Did you see Malon’s in reception? Tatl’s doing that woman thing where she’s gushing how ‘glowing’ she is. Malon’s definitely pregnant. Warriors owes me 100 rupees.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: I’M RIGHT
08:47, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Legend, we got invites to the baby shower last week. Have you been under a rock?


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: I’M RIGHT
08:48, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

They’ve announced a baby shower and I’m not invited?


To: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Oi
08:50,12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Did you get an invite to Malon’s baby shower?


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Wild Hateno { fuzzypickles@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Oi
08:53, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Yes! I’m doing some photos for her. I’ve printed Time’s face onto a baby onesie, I’m sure she’s going to love it.


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: I’M RIGHT
08:55, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

THE NEW GUY GOT INVITED TO THE BABY SHOWER AND NOT ME?


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: I’M RIGHT
09:00, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Have you checked your pigeonhole? You know, the one filled with letters from the tax office you refuse to open? If you really haven’t, I’ll take you as a plus one, on the condition you behave yourself. Midna’s become Malon’s new BFF or something.


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I’M RIGHT
09:02, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

MIDNA GOT INVITED TO THE BABY SHOWER AND NOT ME?


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Excuse me
09:12, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Why is my stapler on your desk?


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Excuse me
09:16, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Your stapler? I don’t see your name on it


To: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
From: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Excuse me
09:20, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

My initials are clearly written underneath it in my finest gold calligraphy ink.


To: Warriors Knight { hr.managment@linkedcorp.com }
From: Sky Chosen { conflictresolution@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Excuse me
09:22, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Firstly, you stole it from me in the first place.

Secondly, I’ll let you keep it if you tell me what the P stands for. 


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: So?
10:05, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Was it in the pigeonhole?


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: So?
10:12, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Yes.


To: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
From: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: So?
10:15, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Did you open those tax letters?


To: Hyrule Woods { secrettoeverybody@linkedcorp.com }
From: Legend Realm { it.management@linkedcorp.com }
Subject: Re: Re: Re: So?
10:20, 12th of Nayru’s Rain, Year of Deku

 

Absolutely fucking not.