So that means Cathy Parr is awake at the ass crack of dawn to cook. To cook what exactly?
Well, none other than her signature dish, the breakfast omelet. Nothing really makes this omelet in particular very special. It is just a standard omelette. But the fact that it is so standard is what appeals to the rest of the queens. There was never anything too special added to it, like fruit for example. Neither was the omelette burnt to a crisp, looking like a flat tire once it reached a plate.
Due to their overwhelmingly positive response to her signature omelets, what Cathy did not expect to see was a total absence of eggs in the refrigerator. She closed the refrigerator door and opened it again hoping to see the twelve fresh eggs she bought yesterday in their rightful thrones in the refrigerator.
But there was nothing.
Instead of ruining everyone's morning due to the lack of her signature omelet, Cathy decided to take a quick trip to the store to get another carton.
Luckily, the store was open. Even more luckily, she was speedy enough that she was able to get home early and get to work on their omelets. She went right on to cooking and made sure that the quality of her cooking would be exceptional despite the thought that clouded her mind.
"Where have the eggs gone?"
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of everybody else waking up. Well, they were not necessarily fully awake but that just meant that Catherine knocked on everyone's doors in time for family breakfast. Good thing she always made sure not to wake everybody up too early. Or was 11:30 am just standard waking up time?
"Still cooking? Did you sleep in?" Catherine asked reaching behind Cathy to get her coffee mug.
"Nope." she answered. "There were no eggs when I woke up. I had to go to the store."
"Didn't you go to the store yesterday?" she asked.
"Exactly. I was going to ask if you used them yesterday for anything. Not like it matters greatly. I just wanted to-"
"Hi, which one's mine?" a barely awake Anna of Cleves asked over the counter.
"The one that's finished. I'm still not done." Cathy nudged a plate closer. It was the only plate on the counter that had an omelet on it. "Also, did you happen to do anything with the eggs last night? There wasn't any this morning."
"Me? No, I would never touch your eggs." Anna said before almost taking a bite. But the glare she received from both Catherines made her question her life choices.
"Who's touching who's eggs?" Anne asked excitedly. The excitement only grew when she found a plate with an omelet, taking it before anyone had the chance.
"We're simply asking where the eggs might have gone." Parr plopped another omelet on a plate.
Katherine entered the dining area not too long after.
"I knew the eggs weren't finished. That means it is not 11:30 yet." she said sleepily as she turned around and started to leave. "I'm going back to bed."
However, she was blocked by Jane Seymour trying to get to the dining table as well. "Where do you think you're going. It's almost time for brunch."
"The omelets aren't ready yet so it isn't time to wake up yet. Peace." she checked her phone for the time.
At least brunch went smoothly this week. They discussed only the most important of matters such as home renovations (the kitchen is one toaster too short), the importance of practicing tap dancing (albeit not at night), and the whereabouts of the eggs.
"Don't worry guys." Anne interjected. "I know a way to find out if the eggs were stolen."
Cathy raised an eyebrow.
"So, I've found out how to check if the eggs really were stolen no matter how much you say otherwise." Anne explained her scheme of the day to Cathy in her bedroom.
"It's nothing, really. You're wasting your time." she said trying to scan the room if one of Anne's latest inventions were lying about. Last week, it was a toilet brush attachment that held a roll of toilet paper (for emergencies only). So it was no surprise that she was being revealed a new innovation.
"But you're upset. And you're no fun when you're upset." she said. "But what's fun is this new thing I've done to the refrigerator."
"You're kind of overcompensating. You're acting as if the egg thievery is a problem. This is the first time this has ever happened. Did you steal them?" she caught Anne's shocked look and quickly added to it. "Not that it matters too much. I just wanted to know."
"It's not that at all. I'm just very very bored."
"I believe you." she said while not believing her. "How does it work?"
"So, the second you open the refrigerator, the act of opening it tugs a string that is attached to a milk crate, making it fall down on whoever stole the eggs."
"The milk crate's too small-"
A loud thud was heard from the kitchen.
"I see it more as an alarm system."
They both dashed into the kitchen fully expecting to see a thief (cartoonish mask and all) carrying half a carton of eggs menacingly.
But what they did see was a very annoyed Katherine Howard and a carton of milk on the floor.
"What was that for?!" she said as soon as she saw Anne in the kitchen.
"Are you the egg thief??" Anne asked.
"No! I was just trying to get some milk." she gestured to the carton that she picked up from the floor.
"Sorry about that." Cathy said.
"Guess we'll have to find some other method-"
"No other methods, please!" Katherine said. "I can't stand to lose the milk as well."
It is the next Saturday.
Nonetheless, it is Saturday. Meaning it is time for the weekly omelet brunch. Again, the eggs were not where they were supposed to be. This earned Catherine another trip to the store to get the most important of ingredients.
Either way, everything went smoothly after that. She cooked the omelets and everybody woke up ready for the weekly census.
They all talked of important matters again at the dining table. But Jane could not help but sense the discomfort on Cathy's face so she had to interrupt the tense debate on the ideal size of a dog.
"So," she said. "I have been told that the eggs have gone missing again today."
They nodded in agreement.
"So I have thought about what to make of this situation."
They continued nodding.
"I have literally been scrambling my mind all morning to make sure the perpetrator is not let scotch free. I have been finding the perfect way to eggstract the information and the quiche was to withhold our egg consumption for next week. I would like to see which one of you pheasants would crack first."
"I am already cracking." Anna said making everyone turn an uneasy eye on her. "I mean, I didn't even do it."
"Omeletting that one slide, Anna. That was pretty chicken of you. But I have to make you all aware that I've had un oeuf of this." she finished her pun-laden monologue happily.
"How long did it take you to write this?"
"Two whole hours." she beamed with pride.
Later that day, Cathy decided to look up recipes for eggless omelets in order to find an alternative to the odd problem that their household was facing. However, when she saw the most recent searches on the family computer, it was enough to say that Jane definitely did not do it.
Most Recent Searches:
- egg puns
- funny egg puns
- egg jokes
- clean egg jokes
- funny egg puns for kids
- funny egg jokes for the whole family
Although it was expected that there would be no eggs in the refrigerator, the queens always stocked some in the refrigerator. Even though it was previously mentioned that eggs would be withheld from any of them, Jane let them buy some on the prospect that she will be receiving pancakes for brunch.
Since pancakes were not her specialty, Cathy decided to sleep in. The designated cook for the day was none other than Anna of Cleves.
She trudged on in the kitchen looking for the ingredients to make pancake batter (simple enough- water, oil, eggs and a big ol' bag of powder). So she was shocked at the lack of eggs in the refrigerator. She could not even find the carton in the trash can. She went to the store and went back home with a box of premade pancakes and plopped them on their plates really fast.
"So, you weren't making that up, huh?" she said as soon as she saw Cathy.
"There must be something going on with this." Anna said. "One's a tragedy, two's a coincidence but there's no way this could have happened three Saturdays in a row."
"Better bring that up before you decide to debate on the ideal size of a dog."
"The bigger the boy, the gooder the boy and you know that." she said as she slid the plates over for her to place on the table.
Anna did manage to bring up the case of the disappearing eggs at brunch meeting. To this Catherine simply replied:
"It must be one of you's," she said. "The only way it could have gone without any one of you using them all up as if there were a burglar in here. I'd like to believe that there hasn't been a burglar at our home coming consistently for eggs of all things."
They nodded in agreement.
"So to whoever did it, can you please just admit it at the count of three?" she asked.
"I did it!" a voice in the kitchen said.
All their heads snapped to look at whoever said that.
Turns out it was a burglar this whole time.