Work Header

The Birds and the Bats

Work Text:

Timmy is passed out on the couch. That's Tim. Jason thinks. All of the Batbrothers are looking at this weird website Tim found. It has some weird stories on it… Like Damian being nice. He looks over Dickie Birds’ shoulder and wrestles Damian down to look at this. Cass and Steph walk-in
“Is that Tim on the couch?”
“Good, He hasn't slept in 3 days.”
Babs looks over at the screen. They click a fic named ‘Red Hoodie’
“Seriously? What do people think I do in my free time!” Jason says as they immediately click out of it. It's a bit rated X for Damian.
They pick out another.
“Tim hasn't slept in three days.” Dick reads.
“Accurate” everyone says in unison.
After about 3 hours of reading, they discuss what they just found.
“How the heck are they so accurate and off at the same time?”
“How did they know about the books…” Jason thinks. And the fact that we say timber when Tim falls from exhaustion…
Steph and Cass are looking at each other after they read their ships. They really never thought anyone would ship Tim with BOTH of them. Is the world ending?
Dickie Bird is behind the couch, hating this. He is shipped with so many of his friends, and family. He starts crying
Jason is fine with all of this. It makes him look like a badass.
Tim is finally awake, and says that all of the fics are accurate on this quote, “More espresso, less depresso.”
Damian is sharpening his katana and looking pissed, hating the fact that the fictions made him look like a child
Bruce walks in and sees Dick behind the couch, crying, Babs pulling Tim to bed, Steph and Cass having a discussion in Arabic, and Jason just watching the world burn.
“What happened,” Bruce asks
“We read ship troupes. Should see you and Catwoman.” Jason says smoothly.
Alfred smiles, knowing what Jason is talking about.
“Also you and Clark,” Damian mutters.
Dick is still trembling behind the couch.
Jason finds one of the fics and reads it out loud to Bruce:
(something blows up)
Bruce: Jason! What did you do?
Jason: My best.
“This is why I love the internet”
Steph is on the computer now.
“This Website ships Hal and Barry!”
“Oh, Shoot. Wait for the storm of that!”
Bruce has his eyebrows raised and tilts his head.
“If you are going to be reading this, please make sure it's a secure website.”
He walks out.
“Ohhhhh Dami!!!” Jason singsongs.
“What do you want Todd.” He says like he is going to murder him. Probably is.
“Got some with you and Colin.”
He is definitely gonna murder him.

Swords were swung that auspicious night, and bullets were fired. Alfred was not happy, to say the least. Don't worry. Batsey stepped in before any true damage could be done. Jason was not happy and Tim was congratulated on the fact that he made the entire batfam hate each other. Except for Alfred.
Alfred is fine.
He knows they will come together again.
They always do.