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Let Me Be What You Need

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Another phone call ended, and Kyo winced as Kaoru hurled his phone against the couch, cursing loudly.

He’d been on and off the phone most of the day, though Kyo wasn’t always sure who he was talking—arguing—with. He’d really only been able to glean limited details about the whole situation, and it was sensitive enough for him to know better than to pry for more information.

It was possible that Kaoru would have told him if he’d asked; they were a few solid months into their relationship, and Kaoru had gradually been opening up, but then this business had happened with Kaoru’s ex, and he’d been consumed with the ugly reality of fighting for custody of his two children.

The children weren’t a surprise; Kyo had met Kaoru’s ex back when they were together, had even met the kids, though they might have been too young to have strong memories of him. What had thrown Kyo more was Kaoru’s abrupt determination to get full custody of them.

He sat on the floor in Kaoru’s living room, where he had been for the better part of the afternoon, wanting, if nothing else, to be present, just in case there was something he could do to help. But that last call seemed to have upset Kaoru even more than any of the others, left him collapsed in his desk chair with his head in his hands.

Tentatively, Kyo crawled over and laid a hand lightly on Kaoru’s thigh. He didn’t ask what exactly had happened, knew Kaoru would share as much as he was comfortable with if and when he was ready, but he wanted to offer the physical reminder that he was there.

Several long minutes passed before Kaoru said thickly, “She wants to take them away. Singapore.”

Kyo raised his eyebrows, but outrage wasn’t what Kaoru needed. Keeping his calm, he asked, “Why there?”

“The guy she’s seeing now has work there apparently,” Kaoru said. “Asshole.”

“What would that mean for you?”

“It would mean my fucking kids live in Singapore.”

“Right,” Kyo said hurriedly. “But you could… still retain partial custody?”

“What, try to make them split their time between two countries? They’re barely in elementary school, how’s that going to work?”

“People make it work,” Kyo said, though it wasn’t like he could offer any firsthand knowledge.

“I don’t want to put them through that,” Kaoru said. He pushed his hair back with both hands. “I don’t want her to take them there at all, I think the guy she’s dating is bad news.”

It wasn’t often that Kyo heard Kaoru pass judgment on someone like that, and he had to wonder what had caused it—though the man’s proximity to Kaoru’s kids probably had a fair amount to do with it.

“I told you before,” Kaoru said, apparently sensing Kyo’s curiosity. “He’s the one who got my ex hooked on coke a while back, she’s had to call the cops on him more than once.” He muttered something else about her bad judgment, and Kyo kept his slight disagreement to himself.

To him, it sounded more like a dangerous, abusive relationship than one the victim could really be faulted for, but at the same time, he could understand Kaoru’s anger with her, when her taste in men might well endanger their children.

“Then there must be enough evidence to stop them from getting custody,” Kyo said. “If she contacted the police, reports must have been filed, there’s documentation.”

“It never went to trial or anything.”

“Still, it’s an unstable home environment,” Kyo insisted. “Can’t they grant you full custody, in that case?”

“She’ll never let it happen,” Kaoru said. “Already she’s been saying stuff about my career, bringing up the band’s touring and everything. You wanna talk ‘unstable home environment,’ she’s trying to spin it like I’m never around to provide for my family. And you know courts are more likely to grant custody to a mother anyway.”

“Even a mother who’s a coke addict?” Kyo said with a raised eyebrow. “Not that I’m judging…”

“Who fucking knows?” Kaoru laughed tiredly.

Kaoru had always told Kyo that he was on good terms with his ex, but the more Kyo heard about the situation, the less inclined he was to believe that claim. Really, he just liked to act like things were fine when they weren't.

“Bottom line,” Kaoru said, “I don’t want my children around that boyfriend of hers. As a mother, she’s got her ups and downs, but no mother is perfect. I can tolerate her mistakes.”

Kyo nodded patiently; this wasn’t the time to argue about such things.

“I’m less tolerant of her exposing them to this guy with his violent tendencies, putting them in harm’s way.”

Kyo knew Kaoru well enough to know that if he’d established his bottom line, he had some idea of how he’d like to proceed, so he waited to hear whatever solution he’d come up with.

After a thoughtful pause, Kaoru said, “I want to try to get a restraining order, to keep that son of a bitch away from me and my family. Getting full custody would be great as a long-term goal, but realistically I’ll have to have all my ducks in a row for it, be ready for whatever she throws at me.”

It sounded like a solid plan, but there was still tension in Kaoru’s posture.

“The issue is that all these bureaucratic morons,” Kaoru growled, “keep transferring me around to different fucking offices and I can’t find the goddamn forms online because it’s more complicated when it involves minors.” Whatever calm he’d found sitting and talking with Kyo was rapidly making an exit.

Once again, Kyo was trying to think desperately for any way he could help. He wasn’t an expert on restraining orders. The few times in his career when he’d had to deal with stalkerish fans or people getting too close, it had been more or less handled by management. Outside of a few meetings and signatures, he hadn’t been especially involved in the process. All he could hope to do for Kaoru was try to relieve some of his stress in the moment.

Getting to his feet, Kyo took Kaoru by the hand and dragged him along, down the hall and into the bathroom.

Kaoru gave him an expectant look. “What are we doing in here?”

“Fair question,” Kyo allowed. “It’s the only room in the house I could think of as being fully removed from the stress of everything else. You can have some privacy.”

“What do I need privacy for?”

Kyo shrugged. “You’re stressed. I’m here, and there’s not a lot I can do, but… You can use me.”

“Use you?”

Kyo nodded, pushed Kaoru back until he was sitting on the high edge of the bathtub, and wedged himself in between his legs. “Outside of drinking and karaoke, I think there’s one thing most people will agree is the best way to de-stress.”

“Going for a run?”

Kyo rolled his eyes. “Let me be what you need.” He looped his arms around Kaoru’s neck. “Use me however you want.”

Kaoru met him for a kiss, bruising and demanding, but still sweet in a way that Kyo couldn’t understand. Hands on Kyo’s hips pulled him closer, dug in a little bit too hard, and Kyo gasped against Kaoru’s mouth.

As they parted, Kaoru stayed close, still breathing Kyo’s air as he spoke, “I don’t want to use you.” His grip was firm as Kyo tried to pull back. “I want you, but not to use. I want to play with you, again and again, for you to get as much out of it as I do.” He looked seriously at Kyo, his thumb tracing over a hipbone. “I never want you to feel used with me.”

Kyo swallowed. What he’d tried to make pragmatic and sexy, Kaoru had turned around until it was heartfelt and honest, and it gave Kyo more emotions than he was prepared to deal with.

Rather than argue semantics, or admit how moved he was by Kaoru’s words, Kyo removed Kaoru’s hands from his hips, and lowered himself to the tile floor at Kaoru’s feet.

“Believe me when I promise you, I get just as much out of this as you do, if not more,” he said, and Kaoru didn’t stop him when he reached for his fly.

It was easy for Kyo to get Kaoru’s pants down, to take his cock into his mouth and suckle at the head in a way that got Kaoru to groan so beautifully. He guided Kaoru’s hand to fist in his hair, made a noise of approval when he gave a light tug.

Slowly the tension seemed to ebb from Kaoru’s thighs as his hips started to work in a gentle rock, in and out of Kyo’s mouth. He stayed quiet for the most part, never one to babble about the perfection of Kyo’s lips or how gorgeous he looked on his knees for him.

The quiet didn’t mean that Kyo couldn’t tell he was enjoying himself, and every small, aborted grunt or whimper was that much sweeter for its scarcity. It all drove Kyo higher with every passing moment, until he half-expected to lose himself in his own pants before he even got Kaoru’s load down his throat.

But, it was a method of stress relief, and it wasn’t meant to take long, so Kyo was unsurprised when Kaoru’s first real comment was a warning that he was close.

Kyo looked up at him encouragingly, and it was a matter of seconds until Kaoru was finishing, thrusting deep into Kyo’s mouth and pulsing out his release. Kyo swallowed without complaint, his hand stroking soothingly up and down Kaoru’s thigh. He waited for Kaoru to be the one to pull back and look down at him with exhaustion and fondness. He was undeniably more relaxed than he had been only fifteen minutes prior.

Kaoru tucked himself away, then grasped Kyo’s hand and pulled him to his feet with exceeding gentleness. “You’re so good to me.”

“I’m glad that I can be.”

“What about you?” Kaoru cast a pointed glance down at Kyo’s body.

“Don’t worry about me,” Kyo said, and maybe he kind of enjoyed denying himself sometimes. “We need to go get back on the phone, and be patient through the bureaucratic fuckery of it all until we talk to the right people to get this restraining order rolling.”


“As long as you don’t mind me staying,” Kyo said. “And as incentive to get it sorted without throwing the phone against a wall, you can plan on taking care of me once it’s finished.”

“Is that incentive for me or for you?”

“Oh, come on,” Kyo said. “You know you love being the one to make me cum.”

Kaoru sighed, but didn’t deny it. He looked down at where their hands were still linked. “You’ll stay while I make the calls?”

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, whatever you need.”

Kaoru nodded slowly, and they went back into the other room. Kyo sat by his side while he dialed, and never let go of his hand as he was placed on hold, transferred again and again.

And Kyo felt useful, but he didn’t feel used. He was there with Kaoru, a part of his life and its events, even the more difficult ones, and he really wasn’t going anywhere.