They weren’t all the same, even though Javier pretended like they were. The girls came and went freely, without strings attached, without commitment. But there was only one who had remained his constant. The one who he’d call up when he not only needed to relieve some stress but also when that pang of loneliness struck his chest late at night.
There really were no rules for his interactions with her. Javier could be sweet and lighthearted or crude and dominant, he could be anything he wanted with her. He never told her but he even enjoyed the way in which she'd stake her claim on him whenever they were together, even if it was only for a couple short hours. Helena was unconditional and loyal to the point of even risking her own life for him.
She had been unbreakable until that night.
In the deep confines of his mind he knew that she was important. That he cared about her more than any of the other girls. The way she used to laugh filled him with inexplicable warmth, and her ability to be careless and free filled him with a sense of wonderment he’d never really experienced with anyone else. She had a wild spirit that had remained pure despite the calamities and grim reality of the world around her.
Helena was his favorite faded fantasy. One that he could have held on to forever had he not been too afraid to connect on a deeper level—always recoiling whenever the walls he’d built around would start to crumble. One he could've fiercely protected had he just done a better job at pulling her out of the grasps of evil in time.
Javier couldn’t escape the thought of her.
Not even in his dreams.
She’s sitting in the back of an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around her, completely shattered. Not a trace of the girl he’d interacted with just a few days prior.
The pain in his chest is excruciating, his throat constricting into a knot as the oxygen leaves his lungs.
“Helena.” He says, looking at her with sorrowful eyes, just a ghost of the man he used to be. The guilt eating at him like acid eroding his entrails.
Her head is down, her blank stare is focused on the ground but her mind is somewhere else. She is unresponsive, taking shallow breaths, her chest barely rising as she trembles.
“Helena, perdóname. Perdóname por no haber llegado a tiempo.” He begs her, apologizing for letting her walk into the devil’s den unprotected. For not getting there in time to save her.
Javier jolted awake, like a man gasping for air as he's drowning.
Sweat having dampened the sheets he’d been sleeping on, his heart racing like he'd just been sprinting up a flight of stairs. He was stuck in that period of time right after a nightmare, when your body is too deep in shock to even move. When all your senses are trying to realign themselves while your mind slowly adjusts to reality again.
The minutes passed, his breathing gradually stabilizing.
Once the feelings of dread had subsided, he rolled over on the bed, reaching for the box of cigarettes on his nightstand. He lit one, then a second, and a third, until the sun started to come up and slowly began brightening his bedroom.
Afraid to fall back asleep for fear of seeing her again.
It was late at night when the young woman tending the bar saw Javier walking in. The look on his face said he'd had a tough day at the office and the badge attached to the front of his jeans was practically screaming, get the fuck away from me. A people repellent if she’d ever seen one.
She smiled to herself, checking the shelf for the bottle of his favorite spirit. Javier had been there plenty of times before for her to know he liked his whiskey neat. Truth be told, she’d had her eye on him for a while. He was older, handsome and charming, and she was a weakling for his moody attitude and enigmatic smile. It didn’t take much for it to always pull her under. Not to mention, the low vibrations of his captivating voice made her center contract and quiver in inexplicable ways every time he spoke.
She hadn’t stopped thinking about him since the first day she met him and she had decided tonight would be the night she’d muster up the courage to do more than just make brief mentions of the weather.
Her gaze panned over him as he took a seat on the barstool, both elbows on the flat surface of the long wooden bar.
“Good evening, Agent Peña.” She said, suggestively leaning toward him, the neckline of her shirt allowing a peek at her cleavage. “Rough day?”
Javier sighed. “Day, week, month… you name it.”
Her laugh was melodic. “I think I got what you need." She winked. "Whiskey? Neat?”
He nodded, rubbing his hand over his mouth and mustache as if impatient. Taking a note of how short her skirt was when she turned around and reached for the bottle on the top shelf.
His brown eyes focused on her task, watching as she poured the reddish brown liquid into the glass. Her smile was brighter than usual, bedroom eyes peering at him behind her long eyelashes. Pushing the drink in his direction, she casually brushed her hand over his as he went to grab the glass.
Javier took a sip, expecting her to walk away but to his surprise, she stuck around.
“You ever drink with the customers?” He asked, compelled to make small talk.
She grinned. “Sometimes, when they buy.”
He gestured to the bottle. “I wouldn’t mind a drinking partner tonight.” He took a cigarette out of his inside pocket and placed it between his lips.
It didn’t take much for her to oblige. She needed the liquid courage anyway if her plan to get him alone was going to come to fruition.
Three drinks later and they had both loosened up quite a bit. Openly flirting with each other as they talked about trivial things and she expressed her gratitude for his hard work.
“You know, it’s not every day you get to meet a real life hero.” She said, touching his hand and letting it linger. Her fingers moving over his knuckles playfully. “Everyone in this bar should be paying for your drinks.”
Javier cleared his throat, his whole demeanor changing, the lines on his forehead becoming more pronounced as he knitted his eyebrows together. “I’m not a fucking hero.” He scoffed. “Not even close.”
It hadn’t been true for Helena. If he hadn’t put her in that situation she’d still be there and not tucked away in some convent in the middle of nowhere. He would probably be with her in that moment if things hadn’t gone awry. Instead, he was there, trying to drown his sorrows in whiskey and cigarettes. And yeah, maybe some pussy too.
“Well, I find you to be a very impressive man.” She admitted. “I really admire your courage and everything you and your team are doing for this country.”
His eyes trailed over her features. She had to have been at least a decade younger than him but there was no denying that she was very attractive. Did she look like her? Not in the slightest, but her interest in him kept him hooked. He had left the station with the intention of doing more than just having a drink but this hadn’t been the way he imagined the night going. Not that he was disappointed.
“I just wish there was something I could do to show my appreciation.” She bit her lip, caressing his arm over the long sleeves of his jacket.
The alcohol had certainly done its job at obliterating all inhibitions.
Javier grabbed her wrist, gently wrapping his fingers around it. “How old are you?”
“Old enough.” She said, glancing at his slightly parted lips. “I’m serving alcohol behind a bar, aren’t I?”
He looked her up and down, the hum of his voice making her shiver. “You look like a nice girl.”
She laughed. “I am a nice girl. But even nice girls do bad things every now and then.” The way Javier’s eyes grew darker with devious intent made her center throb and ache with want. “Do you like bad girls, Agent Peña?”
He smiled, looking away for a minute to think about what she was implying. If it wasn’t her that night, it’d be someone else. Javier was tired of the grief. He needed to feel something other than pain and numbness, and she had practically fallen on his lap without him even trying.
She checked her watch. “Behind those doors,” she pointed to the tall double doors in the back of the bar, “Is an employee bathroom.” Her smile widened as she started to walk away. “I’ll be taking my break in ten minutes when the other bartender starts her shift.”
He watched as she went to tend to other awaiting customers, meanwhile finishing the last of his drink in peace. When he was done, he took out his wallet, leaving a few bills on the bar before checking to make sure he still had a condom stashed in there somewhere.
Her lips were ravenous, kissing him desperately as she rubbed herself on him and ran her hands across his chest. The bathroom was filthy and uncomfortable, definitely not made for two bodies to move about at the same time. The light fixture on the wall was barely holding on, its yellow glow bouncing off the rusted mirror and dirty sink. Javier kept bumping into the wall, every time he tried to maneuver around her.
“I have fifteen minutes.” She said, pushing him against the door and immediately undoing his pants. Only pulling them down to his thighs, just enough to have access to him.
Javier gaped at her as she took him in her hand. His dick wasn’t hard enough yet, something that was a bit unusual for him but that he’d attributed to the excessive amount of stress he was under and his lack of sleep.
“I’m not quite ready—”
“That’s okay.” She purred as she went down on him. “I like to feel it grow in my mouth.”
That admission alone made his cock twitch. With a lick of her lips, she began sucking him off. Enjoying the way his limp dick increased in size every time she took him in, and loving the way it hardened against the roof of her mouth with each twirl of her scorching tongue. The heat and suction of her mouth making it stiffen until his blood vessels were pounding against her lips.
The slurping noises she was making were driving him mad. She licked him from his base all the way to his tip, sucking on his head as one hand gripped him and jerked him off. Her other hand playing with his rigid balls while she devoured every inch of him.
“I want you to fuck my mouth.” She said, looking up at him with lustful eyes.
Javier didn't hesitate. He put his hands on her head, holding her still as he began thrusting his hips into her. Her hot, wet crevice felt so good he began pounding into it with more force. Over and over. His mind was finally occupied with something other than remorse and he willfully lost himself in the new feeling with each passing second.
It wasn’t until he looked down at her again and heard the sounds of her gagging that he finally stopped. Realizing that maybe he was being a little rougher than she’d wanted.
She sucked his cock a few more times and then wiped her mouth, getting up from the floor and leaning back against the sink.
Pulling up her skirt she moaned. “You want this?”
Javier licked his lips. “Yes.” He muttered, yanking down her underwear.
The sink space was barely big enough for her to recline against it, she used it mainly to steady to herself as she lifted up one leg and propped it against the wall next to her.
He quickly slapped on the rubber, gliding his tip along her wet slit before delving between her entrance and filling her up. With one aggressive tug he pulled her shirt and bra down, the neckline stretching until her breasts were spilling out of it.
“Fuck.” She muttered. “You feel so fucking good.”
Javier slammed into her, a hand grabbing one tit, not worrying about starting out slow or getting her warmed up first. He wanted to fuck her hard and senseless to the point of oblivion. Her hands clung to his shoulders, the bathroom mirror fogging up from their heavy breathing as the minutes ticked by.
Her little moans started to get out of hand, increasing in volume the longer he pound into her.
“I’m gonna come.” She whimpered.
“Shhh.” He said, putting a finger up to her lips. “Calladita.” Reminding her to keep quiet.
He crashed into her again, his tip continuously making contact with her sweet spot until it was too much for her to handle. Moments later, his actions inevitably triggered her unraveling. Javier put his hand over her mouth in order to stifle her cries as she came undone.
He didn’t last much longer after that. When he was ready to finish, he pulled out of her.
Something possessed him to pull off the condom, wanting the end to be as messy and dirty as the place in which he’d decided to fuck her. With one firm grip on his cock, he began pumping it furiously, reaching his climax in a matter of seconds. The ribbons of hot come spurt out of him, shooting all over the sink and splattering on the foggy mirror as he let out a few muffled grunts.
They both cleaned up fairly quickly, not saying much to each other after they were done.
She haphazardly wiped the mirror down and splashed water on the sink before smoothing out her clothes and hastily fixing her hair.
“I’ll see you around?” Her voice was hushed as she opened the door, preparing to go back out to continue her shift.
Javier pursed his lips and gave her a weak nod.
They both knew it wouldn’t happen.
She smiled, knowing very well that this was a one-time, meaningless thing. She’d always been a sucker for his type. Men with too many issues to pursue anything serious but who knew exactly how to please a woman. It was nothing knew to her, she was used to the quick goodbyes and she didn't mind them.
As for Javier, he had already made up his mind the moment he agreed to the hookup, and there was no way in hell he’d be showing his face around there after that night.