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Is this love, or am I dreaming?

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The first time it happened she was 13 years old. She remembers gasping awake at 2.30 in the morning, tears streaming down her face and an ache in her chest that she hadn’t felt since the destruction of Krypton. 

She remembers feeling like she couldn’t breathe. She remembers the salty smell of the ocean, the sea breeze ghosting through raven hair, the feeling of sand between her toes. 

She remembers the confusion she had felt, for the situation, but also the remnants left over from the little girl in her dream. 

She remembers how tightly Alex had held her as she sobbed for the loss of someone she didn’t even know. 

She remembers Alex’s soothing tone as she had described the concept of soulmates to her. How she had explained that when humans dreamt, they saw flashes of their soulmate’s lives. Memories. Significant events. All of it played back like a movie for their other half to see and experience. 

It was a terrifying thought. And a foreign one to her. 

Nothing like that existed on Krypton. Couples were matched by MatriComp not fate. 

She was sceptical; disbelieving that what Alex had said could ever possibly be true. 

But that didn’t stop the overwhelming grief she felt for that little girl. 

It didn’t stop her grieving for the woman she had watched walk so calmly into the ocean, allowing it to engulf her and swallow her whole. 

And it definitely didn’t stop the dreams. 

They were frequent, filling her head almost every night. Thankfully not all of them were quite so emotionally fraught. Some were as simple as memories from mundane daily activities; days at school, learning to play chess, reading a favourite book underneath the secluded oak tree that was so commonly featured in these visions. 

But some. Some still left her waking emotionally hungover, a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach or a painful feeling in her chest. 

—————————————

She was 16 when the second significant dream happened. She watched as that same little girl shuffled out of the backseat of an expensive town car. A tall, imposing man took her hand and Kara felt the child’s fear as she looked up at the large, gothic building they were walking towards. She felt the straps of the girl’s backpack around her shoulders, felt the comfort of the knowledge that her favourite stuffed animal was nestled underneath her free arm. They walked up the stony staircase towards a heavy wooden door, pushing it open and entering into the foyer. It felt cold, that’s what Kara remembers. Cold and uninviting. She heard the crackle of a fire to her left and the dull tapping of wood on wood, muted underneath quiet voices. They walked towards the sound, small eyes taking in every detail of the room around her. A stern looking woman stood to greet the man, her back ramrod straight and her tone disdainful. 

‘I thought we had discussed this?’ She spoke, looking down harshly at the little girl.

We did and this is what we’re doing.’ His voice held an air of authority and Kara knew at that moment that he was not to be questioned.

…this is your new mother.’ The man looked between the small child and the foreboding woman looming over her.

Kara felt her fear. Felt her sadness at being thrust into the care of this woman, so unlike the one Kara knew to be her real mother.

She woke with that same familiar ache in her chest. But this time, she felt a sense of purpose. This girl was her soulmate and Kara was filled with the sudden need to fill her life with new memories. Memories that didn’t hold any pain or sadness. Memories that could evoke happiness and joy and love. Kara needed to find her. Now. 

The only problem was, Kara had no clue where to start looking. She didn’t know anything about this girl. Not her name. Not her family’s names. Exactly how old she was. She didn’t even know what she looked like. 

So, she started with the basics. She made lists; noting down everything that could be of importance in her search.

She knew the girl was rich; or at least, she had been adopted into a rich family. 

She knew that her birth mother had died.

She could remember fragments of what their house had looked like.

She estimated that the girl was around the same age as her; her dream memories had extended into teenage years but nowhere past that so far.

She knew she had a brother, in her adopted family, one that she cared for very deeply. 

She knew the girl was brunette. The deepest shade of chestnut waves that Kara had ever seen.

She knew she played chess and went to a fancy school somewhere and that she used books as a form of escapism.

Kara knew her favourite drink was freshly squeezed lemonade and that she told everyone her favourite food was lobster soufflé, but it was actually the lasagna the house cook would make for her after hours while everyone else slept. 

She knew that when she turned 14 she started to drink coffee to give the illusion of sophistication, but when she was sad nothing could comfort her more than a steaming cup of earl grey tea.

She knew her favourite ice cream was strawberry, even though she hated the fruit. 

Kara knew countless things about her mystery girl; she paid attention to even the finest details. But none of that brought her any closer to finding out who she was.

She did the only thing she knew how. She waited each night for quiet to fall over her own house and then she snuck out into the darkness, taking off into the sky, flying as low overhead as she dared. Searching. Looking for that house that had started to grow fuzzy in her mind. Trying to spot that familiar oak tree. 

For weeks she searched. She had almost reached the outer limits of the county, when Alex caught her sneaking back in through their bedroom window. 

Are you insane?’ Alex whisper-shouted, her anger flared but Kara knew she wouldn’t want to wake Eliza and Jeremiah for this.

Kara ignored her, pushing past her into their room so she could change out of her cold clothes. 

‘So, what? You just sneak out of here every night to go flying? Do you have any idea how crazy that is? What if someone saw you, Kara?

Kara spun on her heel, a look of intense desperation falling over her features. 

’I have to find her. 

‘What? Find who?’ Kara saw the confusion on her sisters face, but Alex was smart, it wouldn’t take her long to put the pieces together. 

Kara could practically see the wheels turning in Alex’s mind, until finally, the penny dropped. 

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but Kara cut her off. 

I don’t want to talk about it.’ She spoke firmly as she pulled back the covers of her bed and slid underneath.

Alex’s shoulders sagged, the anger and fight leaving her until she was left with only sympathetic understanding for Kara’s predicament.

She walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, Kara’s back faced towards her. She raised her hand and hesitated for a moment before placing it soothingly on her sister’s shoulder.

‘She’s your soulmate, Kara. You’ll find her when you’re meant to meet.’ Alex knew first hand how hard this could be. Her own dreams were still filled with a short, feisty brunette, who held her heart but who she’d never actually met.

You don’t understand.’ Kara sniffled, her voice slightly muffled by the pillow jamming into her cheek. ‘All of her memories, they’re either meaningless or they’re heartbreaking. It’s like there is no inbetween. She just, she holds so much sadness, that’s all she’s ever had. I have to find her, so I can show her that she can have happiness, that she deserves to be loved. I have to find her, Alex.’ 

—————————————

Kara’s boots landed with a skidding thud outside the DEO desert facility. She had only been wearing the cape for a little over a month, she was still getting used to her landings after spending so long not flying. 

She often wondered how much her soulmate knew about her new identity. Whether she knew that her other half was flying around saving people and fighting crime. Or if she knew Supergirl’s real name. 

Kara thought about it a lot. And what she really couldn’t figure out, was why her soulmate hadn’t come searching for her if she did know. 

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She hated dwelling on that subject, it always left her feeling dejected and a little broken. 

She needed to focus, she had come here for a reason.

She sped through the facility, frantically searching for the one person who could help her right now. 

Alex!’ She shouted, scaring her sister half to death as she rounded the corner of the control room. 

Alex marched towards her, a stern look on her face and Kara prepared herself for the lecture she was about to receive.

Kara, what are you doing here?’ She whisper-shouted, aware of the prying eyes around them.

She grabbed ahold of Kara’s arm and dragged her into the medical bay.

‘You know you’re not supposed to be here. Hank is still looking for reasons to bring you in and you’re making it way too easy for him when you keep breaking into the facility!’ Alex scolded, fixing Kara with a steely glare.

‘I needed to talk to you and it couldn't wait.’ Kara explained.

She could see Alex grow curious as she folded her arms across her chest and waited for Kara to continue. 

‘I found her! I mean, not really found, but just, like, ugh.’ She took a breath and tried to formulate the words properly in her head. 

‘My dream last night was her graduation. Her college graduation. I saw it all Alex. Gosh, she was so happy and I just felt this overwhelming sense of pride, you know?’ Kara sighed dreamily, the events playing over again in her mind.

Alex snapped her fingers in front of her face, trying to bring her back down to earth.

‘That’s great Kara, but I’m really not seeing why you couldn’t wait to tell me that.’  

‘No! That was just a part of it. There was a banner on the stage, I saw it while she was waiting in the seats listening to the valedictorian. Alex, I know where she went to school and the year she graduated. Don’t you see, this is huge!’ She was practically floating with her elation. 

‘Kara, that’s amazing, I’m happy for you, really. But, why did you need to rush here to tell me that right away?’  

‘Well, you just so happen to be my sister, who just so happens to work for a super secret government agency, that just so happens to have all kinds of crazy tracing technology that could maybe, sorta… help me find her?’ Kara put on her best puppy dog eyes and paired it with the pout that she absolutely knew Alex could never say no to. It was unfair really, but at this moment, she really didn’t care.

‘No. Absolutely not.’ Alex turned away from her quickly, knowing that if she looked at that pout for too long she would cave.

‘Oh c’mon Alex, please? I won’t ever ask you to do anything for me again. Just, please? I need this, Alex.’ Kara pleaded. 

Alex sighed. She knew how much this meant to her sister. Knew how many years she had spent searching for this girl. Knew how much she loved her. But it was too risky. And when it came down to protecting her sister, Alex would never let anything get in the way.

‘Kara, Hank is monitoring this place like crazy right now. He’s monitoring you. If I go searching for some random girl, sure, I might find her. But I wouldn’t be the only one that did. Do you really want someone like Hank knowing about her? It’s dangerous, Kara. For you and for her. Until we know more about what’s going on with him, I can’t. And you shouldn’t either.’

Kara deflated, all hope leaving her body. She knew deep down that Alex was right, but she had been so sure this would be the day that she finally found her. It was a hard loss to deal with. 

She nodded her head in acknowledgement. 

‘Yeah. You’re right. It was a dumb idea. I’m sorry. I just… have you ever missed someone you’ve never even met? Because, I miss her everyday and it’s not like how it feels to miss someone normally. It’s like there’s this whole part of me that’s missing. Like I’m this broken, incomplete picture. Like I’m walking around, living my life without a real purpose. Because she’s my purpose. Loving her, that’s my purpose. And I really thought, for a second, that today might be the day that I started to feel a little more complete. I just, I need to go get some air or something. I’m sorry, Alex.’

‘Kara, wait. I get it okay? I have someone out there too. I understand what it feels like to be so in the dark about so many things, but to also be so in love with that person. I’m here, Kara. You can always talk to me about this stuff.’ Alex moved towards her and wrapped her arms around her sister’s broad shoulders, pulling her into a hug. 

‘Why don’t you tell me about her?’ Alex spoke soothingly into her hair.

Kara nodded and smiled. Alex always knew exactly what to do to bring her out of a sad place. She was her person. 

‘She’s so amazing, Alex. I just love waking up each morning and knowing a little more about her, you know? And she went to MIT Alex. MIT! She’s so smart. Like, smarter than anyone I’ve ever met. And she graduated the same year as me, so now I know for sure that we’re the same age. And god, I haven’t ever seen her face, but she has the most beautiful hair. It’s so soft and it just falls in these natural waves. And her hands, they’re so delicate but strong at the same time. She’s just, incredible and I can’t wait to finally meet her.’ 

—————————————

She rushed through the L Corp lobby, racing towards the elevators. She was so late for her scheduled lunch with Lena. 

An apartment fire across the city had kept her busy for over an hour as she had battled against the flames. She had thankfully managed to save everyone inside before the fire department arrived, but the building had fallen to rubble. She had stayed to make sure everyone was okay, before she took to the sky and flew as fast as she could back to her apartment to quickly shower and change. 

Thankfully there had been no line at Big Belly Burger, but she was still half an hour later than planned and she knew how busy Lena was, she just hoped that the CEO could still spare enough time to have lunch with her. 

They had grown close very quickly after Lena moved to National City and Kara cherished every moment they got to spend together. 

Lunches had become a regular occurrence for them. Kara knew Lena had a habit of forgetting to eat during the day and she was more than happy to be the one to remind her. 

The elevator dinged to signal it had reached the top floor and Kara stepped out, briskly walking towards Lena’s door. 

‘Hey Jess, is she busy?’ Kara greeted Lena’s assistant. Jess was the only other person in Lena’s life that wouldn’t let her burn herself out with all nighters at work and for that, Kara was grateful. 

‘You know she’s never too busy for you, Ms Danvers.’ Jess teased, delighted at the pink blush that rose on Kara’s heated cheeks.

Kara cleared her throat. 

‘Uh, right. Yes. Of course. Thank you, Jess.’ She nodded towards her and began walking towards Lena’s door.

‘Oh wait! I almost forgot, this is for you.’ Kara spoke as she handed over the hot cup of coffee she always bought for Jess whenever she visited.

‘Thank you, Ms Danvers. You know you don’t have to buy me coffee every time you come here, right?’ Jess asked with a small laugh

‘It’s Kara and I know I don’t have to, but I also know how hard you work and how much you do for Lena. This is my way of saying thank you.

‘Well, thank you, Kara.’ Jess smiled genuinely as Kara nodded and walked into Lena’s office.

Kara walked towards Lena’s desk, watching the CEO work. She hadn’t noticed Kara yet and it was a rare moment that Kara could just take her in. 

The scattered paperwork. Her heels kicked off to the side underneath her desk. Her brow crinkled as she read over the proposal in her hands. 

Lena was beautiful, Kara couldn’t deny that. She was elegance and grace and wonder. Looking at Lena was like looking at one of the great wonders of the world. Put simply, she was breathtaking. 

She looked up from her work and caught Kara’s eye, a blinding smile overtaking her face as she stood from her desk. 

‘Kara, I thought maybe you got held up at work. Is everything okay?’ Lena asked concerned as she moved towards the blonde.

Kara waved in front of herself and shook her head.

‘Yeah, no, everything’s fine. I’m so sorry I’m late. Snapper wanted me to finish looking over a couple things before I left and I couldn’t get away any sooner.’ She hated lying to Lena, but her secret was a secret for a reason. She wanted so badly to tell her best friend, but the risk of putting Lena in danger was terrifying.

‘No, don’t worry at all, I completely understand. Let’s eat and you can tell me all about the articles you’re working on.’ Lena smiled reassuringly at her as she made her way over to the white leather couch that sat neatly against the wall of her office.

Kara sat back against the couch, her stomach full from the two burgers and side of fries she had just ingested. She would need to eat again in an hour or so, but she tried to maintain a semi-reasonable portion size when she ate with Lena, not wanting to raise any suspicions.

Time with Lena always went by so quickly. Far too quickly. She glanced down at her watch and noticed that she only had 20 minutes left until she had to be back at the office. 

She looked over at Lena as the brunette finished telling her about L Corp’s latest developments. Her mind was spinning with things she still wanted to know about the other woman, but one question was pressed to the front of her mind.

Hey, Lena?’ She spoke softly, nervous about asking but unable to stop herself.

Lena looked up at her, eyebrow quirked in a questioning glance and a small smile on her lips.

Kara took a breath.

Have you… I mean, do you know… who your soulmate is?’ She peered up through her eyelashes, waiting to see how the other woman would respond

Lena’s smile faltered and Kara noted how she tried to stop the stormy emotion in her eyes from showing on her face.

She let out a breathy laugh, too quick and forced to be anything real. 

‘That is quite the question, Kara.’ The smile on her face was too wide and it didn’t reach her eyes like it normally did.

Kara waited. She knew Lena had more to say. She had learned that about the other woman. Sometimes she just needed a moment. 

Lena cleared her throat and looked from Kara’s face down to the floor.

‘Yes. I-I know who they are.’ She nodded

Kara felt her heart sink but she couldn’t pinpoint why. 

‘Oh. Y-you do? That’s, I mean, that’s great, Lena.’ She glanced over at her and noticed the tears in her eyes that she was refusing to allow to fall. 

Kara moved towards her and reached for her hand.

‘Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.’ Kara squeezed her hand gently, holding it securely in her own palm.

Lena shook her head.

‘It’s nothing. I’m fine, honestly. It’s just a little bit of a sore subject for me I guess. That person for me, it’s not someone I can ever be with.’ Lena explained, still not meeting Kara’s eyes

‘What? Why? That’s your person, Lena. The one you're meant to be with. Nothing could stand in the way of that.’ Kara tried to reassure. 

‘No, Kara. Not this. It just, It wouldn’t work.’ She shook her head, so sure of the words she was speaking.

‘Lena, that can’t be true. I mean, there must be someth- 

‘I said no, Kara. Okay? Just, please, just drop it.’ Lena pulled her hand from between Kara’s, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. 

‘I’m sorry, Lena. I didn’t mean to pry. I shouldn’t have.’ Her head sank and she fiddled with the tips of her own fingers; a nervous habit she had picked up when she first landed on earth.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you, Lena. I just. My soulmate, she means everything to me. I love her with my entire being, even though I’ve never met her. And I’ve always believed that one day, we’ll be together. Because we’re meant for each other. I guess, the idea of meeting her and not being able to be with her, it just scared me. To feel something so strongly for another person and not be able to show them that every day. I can’t imagine that. And, maybe it’s different for you, I don’t know. But, if it is even halfway close to being the same, I’m so sorry Lena. And I’m here, if you ever do want to talk about it. 

Lena couldn’t stop the tears from falling onto her cheeks now. Kara wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but she knew the other woman needed space.

‘I’m going to go, just, call me if you need anything, okay?’ Kara reached over and squeezed her knee gently, before rising from the couch and heading towards the door.

Lena panicked. She didn’t want Kara to go. She never wanted her to leave, but this was different. This was important. 

She stood quickly from the couch, her heart racing frantically.

‘It’s Supergirl!’ She blurted, the words leaving her mouth before she could second guess herself.

Kara paused, her hand resting tightly around the door handle. 

That’s why it can’t work. It’s like some cruel joke fate decided to play. A Super and a Luthor, destined to be together. It’s not plausible, Kara. I try so hard to not be like Lex, but how could I ever expect someone like her to love a Luthor? To love me?’ She was sobbing now, not caring for the tears that ran down her face.

Kara’s mind was spinning. All of the dreams she’d had racing through her mind on repeat. All of the pieces slotting together. It made no sense, but it made perfect sense. Of course it was Lena. Her Lena. 

Her Lena, who was doubting that Kara could ever love her. 

She spun from the door and super-speeded towards her. 

Lena gasped, the realisation hitting her. But she had no time to process, as Kara wrapped her in her arms and pressed her lips firmly against her own. 

Kara held her tight, as the kiss grew delicate and Lena melted into her embrace. 

Kara pulled back, her right hand cupping Lena’s cheek as her left arm held firmly around her waist. Her thumb swiping gently at the tears falling from emerald eyes.

Lena looked down and realised they were floating. She held on tightly to Kara’s shoulders and looked up at her in silent wonder. 

‘She does love you, Lena. I love you. I’ve loved you my whole life. And I’ll spend an eternity showing you that, if you’ll let me.’ Kara held her gaze, allowing all the love she had ever felt for the other woman to come pouring through. Willing Lena to believe her. To see that she was genuine. To feel just how loved she was. How loved she always had been.

‘Is this love, or am I dreaming?’ Lena whispered, her voice cracking

Oh, My love, you’re not dreaming anymore.’ Kara reassured as she caressed her face.

Lena surged forward, capturing Kara’s lips in a tender kiss. 

This was real. It was Kara. It had always been Kara. 

Maybe a Super could Love a Luthor after all.