I dinna ken why, but I’m sure this is the right decision. This is what is going to make me happy. Put some meaning back into my life.
For so long I have been so distant. So alone.
Yes, I have a wonderful sister, a fantastic brother in law, and their four amazing bairns. I have a thriving business and a pretty decent flat in the West End of Glasgow.
From the outside looking in, my life would seem like the perfect life. So why do I feel so lost? Stuck? Like I’m only just existing, but not actually living?
I’ve had a couple of relationships in the past, but they weren’t serious. No to me anyway.
My da told me when I was a lad, that as soon as he saw my mother, he kent she was the one for him. He told me it would be the same for me. I would just ken the woman for me, as soon as I see her. I kent it was true for my parents, but it isna something I ever believed would happen for myself. Most people I was at school with are all settled down and married with bairns of their own. I havna even been in a proper relationship yet.
When I was sixteen, I started seeing a lass from school names Geneva. She was a pretty lass, but we didna really have that much in common. She had moved up to Scotland from England the year a’fore. She lived next door to my pal Geillis, so it wasna long before Geneva was hanging around with our group of friends. She was a nice enough lass, but I was still struggling after the death of my mother and brother when I was fourteen.
I ended things with Geneva after about three months into the “relationship”. I told her that things werena working out between us and we wanted different things in life.
After only being together a month or so, Geneva started to plan out the rest of our lives the gether. She wanted to move back to her family’s estate, Hellwater, in England, after we finished secondary school.
Geneva, kennin’ how much I loved working and being around horses, wanted me to run the stable at Hellwater. She also said it would be better for us to marry before we move to Hellwater, so that all our family and friends wouldna have to travel down to England for the wedding.
I couldna really take in all she was saying. I was just so distant from everyone and everything. When I realised how serious she was, I had to tell her that I didna want any of that. I didna want to leave Scotland. I didna think she and I were working out.
I couldna see a future for myself at the time, never mind see myself sharing a life with someone else.
I wasna myself after Ma and Willie Died. It might have been two years since the accident, but it was all still so raw to me. I was really struggling.
Geneva didna take the rejection well. And I was too focused on myself and trying to sort my life out to even notice how she was. To be honest, I didna really care how she was. I was done.
I have finally managed to move forward and make something of my life. I have a good relationship with my older sister Jenny and her wee family. I have built, with my brother in law Ian, a good business. We run a very successful whisky distillery.
I dinna think I’ll find “the one”. And I’m okay with that. I would love a family of my own though. A wee bairn of my own.
I did look in to adoption. I was fairly certain that was the way to go, but then I spoke to my pal John and his partner Joe. When they decided it was time to start their family, the decided on surrogacy.
I spoke with them in great detail about their journey and I did some research of my own.
So yes. I think this is the right choice for me. Surrogacy.