Chapter 1: Sweet dreams my darling that never came true
Be gay, get messy drunk, wind up with fake bacon. The lesbian dream.
First, I'mma need you all to listen to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYx_cSUENDQ&list=PLwXAwk6WSu3hn2HXrcBMgB-6e6O_eHesS&index=11 on repeat as you read this so we're in the same mindset.
Second, I'm trying to line up with canon, but canon is a spinning dartboard and I have really shitty aim, so like, don't expect this to be compliant in any way, shape, or form.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
She’s really drunk. Not just the messy, sorta falling over drunk, but the vomiting into the potted plant in the lobby of her apartment drunk. It’s been a great evening. Lex had visited, Lillian had visited, yeah it was great. Gotta love family.
A strong arm slips under her arms and another under her legs and the world goes even wobblier than it was. She slams her eyes shut because if she’s finally getting kidnapped, she won’t vomit on herself. Lillian would never let her live it down.
The elevator dings.
This is a shitty kidnapper.
She breathes in and shit. The blissful smell of ozone and potstickers nearly settles her stomach down and god damn she hates this. She hates the blue fabric that’s under her fingers. She hates the way her own breath smells.
Hates that Kara is once again saving her ass.
She hasn’t even talked to Kara in ages. The whole being Supergirl and also lying and being a dick-head really hasn’t done their relationship any favors. Not that it was that much of a relationship. Since it was all a lie and all. A big, obvious lie if Lena hadn’t been so fucking dumb.
And in love.
She’s sat down on the blessedly cool floor of her bathroom and leans against the tub. She’s got a damn nice tub. She should use it more often. Actually, she should just do more of what she actually wants to do. If life is going to be this consistently miserable, regardless of what she does or doesn’t do, she may as well get bubble baths in.
And smoothies. Fuck, smoothies are so good. Blueberries and yogurt. Whoever came up with that shit was a genius.
A cold rag touches her forehead and she jumps and then vomits into the bathtub. Why does vomit have to taste so bad? It’s bad enough that she’s practically dying, but now she has to brush her teeth.
The rag is back and this time she’s too tired to jump. She’s really tired. She just wants to sleep.
So she does.
Her mouth has approximately the same water content as the Mojave desert.
There’s a warm hand carding through her hair and if that ever stops she’ll probably die.
Her toes hurt.
A hand slips under her head and a water glass is laid against her lips. She’s had the best wine any money can buy, whiskey a god would crave, and this water is the best thing she’s ever encountered on this depraved earth. Nothing could possibly be sweeter.
“What’re you doing here?”
“I don’t know Lena.”
Ugh. Her head hurts. Her toes hurt. Her left leg is bent weird and she doesn’t wanna move so she can un-bend it. Maybe she’ll just die. Oh no, of course not, because Girl Wonder is here to save the day.
“Why are you so dumb?”
“I don’t know Lena.”
Well that’s dumb. Her hand’s still carding through the hair at her scalp so she can’t really kick Kara out. Not that she’s actually capable of kicking Kara out. Kara just does what she says because she’s a coward.
A no good, rotten, terrible, liar of a coward. A coward that keeps showing up with flowers and lunch and a steady hand to hold and also to catch her helicopter when it got sabotaged again last week.
Cowards run away.
Kara’s running in the wrong direction. She’s a dumb coward.
“Why are we so dumb?”
“I don’t know Lena.”
The sun lays across her bed. It’s late afternoon at least. She’s fucking starving.
Kara’s arm is under her head and Kara’s cheek is smooshed against the top of her head.
Her headache’s almost not splitting her skull open. The sun feels nice on her legs. Kara’s breaths keep fluttering the fly-aways on her forehead. She really has to pee.
And she’s still starving.
Kara twitches and there’s a flash in her mind and Kara’s under the blankets with her, drooling just a little, snoring, waking so gently to a morning they’ll spend together, half-dressed and laughing over pancakes.
She blinks and Kara jerks and the flash is over and she should probably really talk to another therapist.
Kara stretches and sits up. She’s stupid beautiful. She’s also just stupid.
Kara hands her a water bottle and maybe she’s stupid but at least she’s kind. At least until she’s keeping gigantic secrets. Really big ones.
“Look,” Lena sighs. “If you make me pancakes, I’ll watch that stupid mini-series you wanted me to watch like two years ago.”
Kara’s still. It’s the first time she’s offered an olive branch. It’s because she’s stupid. Unfortunately, stupidity is contagious and the disease escalates when all your reasoning is destroyed from alcohol poisoning.
So many good brain cells, so dead.
The first pancakes are burnt, but Lena’s fresh out of the shower and maple syrup really does a world of good. The song on the tv is slow and soft and their legs are tangled on the couch.
I’ve cried 10 millions tears
I’ve ached 10 million miles to hold onto you
Believed in you when you said that you’d be ever true
While your heart played a part I was falling in love with you
I’ve dreamed 10 million dreams
Sweet dreams my darling that never came true
10 million and two
“I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Kara reaches for the remote and Lena tosses her plate onto the floor. She’s so tired and Kara’s right here and she’s been so lonely and sad and miserable and way too close to her family. And Kara’s just so dumb but she’s been here the whole time and Lena hurts all over.
She just wants a fucking hug, okay?
Kara’s tears dry into her sweater and her own tears dry in Kara’s.
She throws a strip of bacon at Kara’s face while her hands are full. The slap of it across her eyes is particularly delightful. Kara eats it anyway.
“You’re still dumb.”
“Yeah, so are you.”
It’s warm and quiet and her tummy’s finally calmed down after all the alcohol yesterday. She’s slept more in the past 24 hours than she has in a very long time and there’s a fogginess that’s lifting from around her. The bacon is fake, but this morning isn’t.
“Do you want to get married?”
Kara drops the pans she’s holding and sausages (real ones, we’re not monsters Lena) scatter across the floor. It’s really funny.
It’s the first time she’s really laughed in… well, who knows?
Crying my heart out for no one but you
Sometimes you're doin edits on papers for the peeps you're tutoring and this song is just like "but what if you were sad and wrote about gays?" and then you're sad and write about gays and then it's like super late and you're exhausted.
What I'm trying to say is that this got minimal editing.
Edit: yo, this chapter has exactly 1111 words and I didn't even check that before posting, I'm a magician
Chapter 2: We'll Be Alright, Yeah
Skinny dipping, some dude named Dave, and that good, soft, ocean-side feel. Truly, a dream come true.
I'm still procrastinating and now I'm listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1N5o2nSwFs&feature=youtu.be cuz that's just what I do.
Mainly I just needed to get that line in about kisses being sweeter than the water she had while severely hungover. So I'm a sap, sue me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
They don’t get married. But they do go to Vegas and skinny-dip in a pool. It’s practically the same thing.
The water splashes against her lips and her cheeks hurt from laughing. She’s only slightly tipsy and Kara’s dancing in the water. And singing. She’s just not got a lot of tune-carrying capabilities when she keeps ducking under the water.
It’s ridiculous and her hair is plastered to her face and the pool smells too much like chlorine. Her eyes are going to sting in the morning too. Kara’s hands land on her hips and she’s pushed up and out of the water.
“I’ll take you to the stars and we’ll be all fine!” Kara screeches into the night air.
Lena laughs much harder than this calls for. But Kara slowly spins so Lena’s spinning too and there’s only one thing to do about this. Throw her head back, toss her arms out, and shriek to the heavens.
The paparazzi photos of their naked glee have Lillian calling her fourteen times in only an hour. A brand new record. Kara prints a tiny certificate and they frame it.
Kara moves in and burns cookies in her oven. It’s fine. She’s got cleaners, but sometimes she has regrets and the fire alarm going off at 3am is regretful.
“Shoot, shoot, shoot,” Kara’s waving a blanket at the alarm and the window’s open.
“You couldn’t just order cookies for delivery?”
Kara just pouts as the mechanical beeping comes to a crashing end. Rooming with a Superhero sure does come with a lot of property damage.
But Lena just shrugs and grabs a banana. They’re full of potassium. The night air coming from the open window is fresh with rain and she likes rain. Gotta do what she likes, since she’ll probably get kidnapped or killed eventually.
Kara plops her head on the windowsill. She’s hot as heck and Lena puts her fingers on Kara’s cheek to warm them. “Sorry ‘bout the fire alarm. I wanted to share chocolate chip cookies with you.”
“I know.” She pats Kara’s face with both hands. A siren comes from below but Kara doesn’t move. She peels her banana and stares at the city lights.
They’re both trying out enjoying life for a bit.
Kara’s room is a mess. Her bed has paint-stains, her dresser has shirts and underwear sticking out of it, and her bookshelf is really a snack shelf.
Lena’s room is messier than she’s ever allowed it to be. She has two (2) shirts on her floor, a day-old mug on her nightstand, and her bed isn’t even made.
Needless to say, Lillian would throw a shitshow. A show of just shit. It’d be gross.
Kara frames another certificate and they hang it on the entry-way wall. It’s a growing collection, they’re working on it.
She’s sipping apple juice in the meeting and the board members around her are looking even more uncomfortable than they usually do. Maybe they’ve seen the pictures of her topless in a Vegas pool. Maybe they think she’s finally snapped.
Either way, her apple juice is wildly good.
“We’re worried about the company Lena.”
“Really? Why’s that? Our stock is up 4% just this quarter, I’ve personally invented six different drug-delivery systems which are quickly heading toward clinical trials, and we’ve implemented equal parental-leave regardless of gender to encourage family bonding time. Our employees love that.”
Her designer straw, hand-molded into the chemical structure of sugar, clinks against her glass. Mhh, she's almost out of apple juice. This could be a tragedy.
"It's more… the company's image that we're worried about."
"Oh, well Event Planning is setting up a fundraiser gala for the children's hospital and we're drafting the press release for next week's tech show, so I think that's covered too."
She spins her staw and raises her eyebrow at the looks passing around the table. She could be in a bubble bath, right this second. Or eating those amazing vegan burgers from Big Belly's. Who knew such a meat-filled place could go so wild on some black beans and chickpeas?
"It's you, Lena. We're worried about your image and what that will do to the company."
Ah finally. "Well, since there's been no dip in stock and our press coverage is significantly better than it was when my brother went on his mass-murdering streak, I'd say my personal image isn't causing much of a problem."
Dave slams his hand onto the table. Dave's always so dramatic. "You were photographed while naked in a pool in the hands of a woman! You can't just do whatever you want!"
A knock comes from her window and Lena takes another sip of apple juice. Dave is looking significantly paler with each passing second. The knock comes again and Lena plants both of her hands on the table. "Excuse me a moment, I have to take this."
She pushes against the table and her chair rolls over to the window. This one doesn't have a screen and opens by sliding a panel up so there's no swinging inward or outward. It's a beautiful, space-saving design. Lena had one installed in every conference room.
"Hello Supergirl, can I help you?"
"Hey Lena!" Kara waves at the board behind her. "Sorry to interrupt, but I just got back from that earthquake and I was hungry so I picked up lunch. Uhm, I can leave this with Jess though, but I can’t stay so I wanted to say hi and see if you needed anything?”
Lena looked back, Dave was sitting and most of the board was looking rather glum. Perfect.
“Nope, I’m good, thanks for lunch. Oh, did you get the suit improvement I sent over?”
“Yeah! It worked great. I think you’re right, it’ll be great as a stabilizer for jets. I’ll send you the data we collected so you can have it ready for the tech expo next week.”
“Fantastic, thank you. Have a good rest of your day.”
She gets a wave and Supergirl zooms off into the sky.
She rolls back over to the table and places the sandwich bag next to her. It crinkles loudly.
“Now, where were we?”
Sun comin from the east
I got you on my side
Get on this vibe
Her toes dangle off the cliffside and the sea spray hits her and yeah, she’s doing okay now. Kara’s humming next to her, a quick tune, and she’s not a bad musician when she’s not half-drowning. The breeze blows her hair and she flops onto her back.
It’s warm in the sun and Kara’s blocking most of the wind. A gull cries out and her eyes slip shut.
Her brain’s been oddly quiet for a while. Usually it’s a never-ending cacophony of worries and ideas and half-baked speeches, but the drive they’ve taken to the coast has cleared a lot of the noise. The prescription her therapist got for her is probably part of it too. She added another certificate to her entry-wall for that.
It’s a pretty impressive collection now.
Kara flops back next to her and she smiles. A finger taps her nose and she scrunches her face. Kara laughs and she’s got the prettiest eyes.
They haven’t talked much about feelings, she’s barely talked to her therapist about that. Everything’s just so nice now. She does what she wants and the world hasn’t ended yet. A year and a half, a pretty impressive feat if she does say so herself.
She’s warm and soft and happy and Kara leans a little closer and yeah. She does what she wants.
She didn’t think anything could be sweeter, but this sure is.
No, no, no, don’t stop now
I’ve got you on my side
I’ll take you to the stars and we’ll be all fine
I am gay and tired and I will do whatever I want one day.