In Shige's defense, the composition book was just sitting there next to his laptop.
He’d known it was Tegoshi’s, but he had thought it was just song lyrics. That’s what Tegoshi had said it was when Shige had pointed out that the younger idol was writing more than usual lately. Seeing no reason for Tegoshi to lie about that, Shige saw no harm in taking a look, curious about what Tegoshi’s been working on so seriously.
Making logic out of the situation doesn’t change the words in front of his eyes. They’re not lyrics, at least not for anything Tegoshi would ever be allowed to perform in public, and Shige’s stomach drops to his knees when he sees his name amongst the filth that puts his late-night password-protected documents to shame.
“It is so cold out—hey, what are you doing with that?”
Tegoshi’s halfway out of his coat when he freezes, and Shige’s not sure which one of them has the bigger eyes. It’s too late for Shige to pretend he hadn’t been doing what he’d actually been doing, way too preoccupied with what he’d just read to focus on any reaction other than deer-in-headlights.
“The fuck, Kato,” Tegoshi growls in this angry voice Shige hasn’t heard before. “You don’t just read other people’s journals.”
“Don’t leave it out, then,” Massu calls over from across the table; Shige starts. He’d entirely forgotten Massu was already there. “Nobody wants to read your dirty secrets anyway.”
Tegoshi ignores him and snatches the journal out of Shige’s hands, shoving it and the rest of his belongings down to the other end of the meeting table. “I left it out because I thought I could trust you. Apparently, I can’t.”
“Tegoshi,” Shige gets out, finding his voice amongst the clutter in his head. “Do you really feel that way?”
He watches the color drain from Tegoshi’s face as Tegoshi presumably realizes how much Shige had read. “Get out.”
Shige’s anxiety spikes. “What?”
“I said leave,” Tegoshi hisses, and Shige just blinks at him, unmoving. “Fine, then I’ll leave.”
“Wait—” Shige says too late, cutting himself off when the door slams behind Tegoshi. Helpless, he turns to Massu. “I don’t think I was supposed to see that.”
“I cannot emphasize enough how much I do not want to know,” Massu tells him. “But we need him, so work it out.”
Shige sighs. His duty to NEWS pushes through all of the other sensations he can’t quite define (but fall under the umbrella of “what the actual fuck?”), and he’s shrugging into his coat when Koyama walks in, all smiles and caffeine.
“Did you see Tegoshi anywhere?” Shige greets him.
“He’s in the parking garage,” Koyama reports, pouting a little at whatever is undoubtedly showing on Shige’s face. “Said he was mad about something and needed to cool down. Do you know what happened?”
Shige’s halfway out the door before Koyama finishes his question. Guilt tugs at him as Koyama calls after him, but it’s not enough for him to stop. He’s so hyped up on adrenaline or something like it that he jogs all the way outside the building, fully intending to take the stairs up to the other levels until he sees a huddled form over by the elevator.
“Tegoshi,” Shige wheezes, more out of breath than he should be going into concert season. “Don’t run away. Let’s talk about this.”
“Who’s running away?” Tegoshi asks flatly. “There’s nothing to talk about. Just forget you ever saw it.”
“I don’t want to,” Shige says honestly, and Tegoshi inhales sharply. “And judging by the strong language you used, I don’t think you do either.”
“What I want is to not feel this way,” Tegoshi spits out, his eyes narrowed so much that he doesn’t look like himself anymore. “You think I enjoy pining like a teenage girl? My therapist says I have to write it down to get it out of my head, but it’s still there. Everywhere I look, even when I close my eyes, all I see is you.”
Shige feels an ache inside his chest, which seems to give him the momentum to carefully approach Tegoshi like one would a feral animal. “It’s okay. I’m not mad.”
“It’s not okay!” Tegoshi explodes, and Shige jumps back like the force of Tegoshi’s voice had physically pushed him. “I’m a man, goddammit.”
“And what is it that you think men don’t do?” Shige asks, unable to contain his sarcasm. “Have feelings?”
Tegoshi puts his hands over his ears like a petulant child. “Shut up.”
“A man would admit what he wants, even if it scares him,” Shige goes on, raising his voice loud enough to travel through Tegoshi’s puffy mittens. “A man wouldn’t hide from his emotions!”
He expects Tegoshi to shrug him off when Shige touches his shoulder, but he doesn’t expect to be grabbed and thrown back with all of Tegoshi’s strength. The back of Shige’s head hits the concrete wall and that’ll probably hurt later, but right now all Shige sees is Tegoshi’s shame manifesting itself in the most toxic way—as violence.
“You want to fight me?” Shige taunts him, holding both of Tegoshi’s tightly-clenched fists in his hands to keep them from swinging. Even with the mittens on, it would sting. “Will that make you feel like a man?”
“I don’t...” Tegoshi starts, then makes a frustrated noise so loud that it echoes. “I don’t like this.”
“I don’t either, so let’s stop it.” Shige abruptly lets go and Tegoshi falls limp, the pair of them gasping for breath like they really had rumbled in the parking lot. “Tell me, right now, how you feel about me.”
Tegoshi’s eyes are still hard when he lifts them to look at Shige, but the next thing Shige knows is warm lips on his, soft fleece cradling both sides of his face as Tegoshi answers him without words. If Shige’s mind was a mess before, it’s absolute chaos now, leaving no room for anything but reciprocation because damn does this feel good.
He can almost feel the tension leave Tegoshi’s body, the younger idol pressing closer until Shige’s being pushed into the wall for a different reason. He doesn’t mind, looping his arms around Tegoshi’s coat to hold him close, and he likes the way this feels too.
Then it’s all over, Tegoshi abruptly pulling back and leaning his forehead against Shige’s shoulder. “I feel so lame right now.”
“Emotions aren’t lame,” Shige tells him, struggling to keep his voice gentle. He’s not lecturing this time. “They’re part of being human, regardless of gender. We’re just raised in a patriarchal society that says that men have to be strong and tough all the time. This is wrong and unhealthy.”
“I know that,” Tegoshi huffs. He looks up at Shige again, but this time his eyes are much softer. “I’m comfortable with my feelings about literally anything else in the entire world except for you. Giving in like this feels like losing.”
Shige’s a little offended by that, but he chooses his words carefully. “The way I see it, we both win here.”
Tegoshi inhales sharply, shuddering where he stands. Either he’s really cold, or Shige had managed to say the right thing.
“Nothing shows strength more than admitting weakness,” Shige goes on, and Tegoshi’s frown hurts his soul. “It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be soft. What’s not okay is putting up walls and pushing away the one who’s bringing out this side of you. Feelings are beautiful things, as long as you embrace them and don’t bury them.”
“They don’t feel very good right now,” Tegoshi mutters, and now Shige’s the one frowning. “Do you even want to be with me?”
“I’m open to the idea,” Shige answers, taking advantage of the shock that spreads throughout Tegoshi’s face to lean in and speak next to his ear. “You just gotta let me in.”
Tegoshi heaves a whine that has Shige grinning victoriously, especially when Tegoshi grabs onto his biceps. “You have to know how filthy that sounds.”
“You explicitly described having sex with me in your journal and I’m the one being filthy?” Shige replies, turning his head to rub his nose along Tegoshi’s neck. “What are you gonna do about it?”
Tegoshi’s faint moan is gorgeous, a sharp chill coursing up Shige’s spine from more than the cold weather. “Take you into the bathroom and make good on both of our words.”
“What if I want it the other way?” Shige asks, purposely being ornery.
“We can do it both ways,” Tegoshi says in this husky voice that seduces Shige completely in two seconds. “You do me, I do you.”
It’s Shige who drags them inside, but Tegoshi’s the one to pull him down a hall toward a bathroom Shige hadn’t even known was there.
“You know,” Shige starts while Tegoshi flips the lock on the door and checks all of the stalls, “we both have perfectly good apartments.”
“I’m busy for the next three weeks,” Tegoshi says, shucking his coat and letting it fall to the floor. “And I don’t like to wait.”
A protest is on the tip of Shige’s tongue, which is sucked into Tegoshi’s mouth as Tegoshi guides them both back against the counter. Shige’s hands drop to Tegoshi’s waist and Tegoshi hops up, using his thighs to pull Shige between his legs so forcefully that Shige groans from the sudden friction.
“We have to be fast,” Tegoshi hisses as he shoves Shige’s coat off of his shoulders and starts in on his belt. “There’s lube in my bag.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying yes to this,” Shige mumbles as he gets Tegoshi halfway out of his pants and digs into the bag on the counter next to them. Tegoshi’s hands are all over him, up his shirt and down his pants, though he doesn’t get very far before Shige’s working his way inside him.
Tegoshi gasps and scoots closer to the end of the counter, spreading his legs obscenely wide as Shige stretches him slowly. The air is cold but they heat up fast, tingly warmth spreading everywhere Tegoshi touches his bare skin underneath his clothes.
“Shige,” Tegoshi gasps, his breath hitching when Shige slips in a second finger. “Fuck, I’ve wanted you for so long. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve touched myself like this, imagining it was you.”
“I know, I read it,” Shige says pointedly, the vivid images in his mind making him even hotter. “You really need to work on your run-on sentences.”
Tegoshi laughs out loud, morphing into a moan halfway through. “Bend your knuckles a bit.”
Shige follows directions and nearly loses his balance when Tegoshi screeches in his ear, the body wrapped around him shuddering with each touch to the spot Shige had just found.
“Keep it down!” he hisses. “Do you want someone to hear?”
“Nobody uses this bathroom,” Tegoshi replies, and Shige rolls his eyes until Tegoshi’s next moan makes his knees weak. “Besides, you like it.”
“I do,” Shige admits, because he doesn’t have a good reason to deny it, and besides he’s more focused on being inside Tegoshi soon. “One more?”
The third finger has deep, guttural noises emerging from Tegoshi’s lungs, which has Shige prodding him a little harder than he probably should, but Tegoshi loves it. He’s practically bouncing on Shige’s fingers, ankles hooked on Shige’s waist for momentum, and Shige’s about to go out of his mind with desire when he hears the distinct sound of foil opening.
“I’m gonna put it on you, okay?” Tegoshi says, and Shige nods.
Now he’s the one moaning at Tegoshi rolling on a condom, his body more than ready to fuck as he thrusts into Tegoshi’s hand that lubes him up. He presses his face into Tegoshi’s sweaty collarbone to try and muffle his noises, but it doesn’t seem to work.
“Do that inside me,” Tegoshi whispers into his ear, and Shige snaps.
All at once, he pulls out his fingers and replaces them with his cock, easing in as gently as he can manage with as worked up as they both are. Tegoshi can’t keep his lips off of Shige’s neck, which makes Shige even hotter and less inclined to wait until Tegoshi’s ready for him to move.
“Shige,” Tegoshi says, pressing the words into the sensitive skin behind his ear. “Fuck me.”
Shige does. His coherence dwindles as he loses himself in Tegoshi, his tight body as well as the rest of him that clings to Shige and moans loudly. Tegoshi’s written words push to the forefront of his mind and it has his hips moving faster, thrusting as hard and deep as he can while standing up.
“Mm, Shige,” Tegoshi gasps. “I knew you’d be good at this.”
The praise throbs deep inside him, making him chase his release even more. Any other time, he’d slow down and make it last, but they’re already going to be late for their meeting and Shige definitely wants to feel Tegoshi inside him too. Just the promise has him quickly reaching his peak, both hands grabbing onto Tegoshi to hold him close as he chokes on his ragged breaths.
“I’m coming,” he gets out, and Tegoshi’s pleased noise takes him even higher.
He’s still shaking when Tegoshi scoots back enough for Shige to pull out, carefully snapping off the condom and tossing it into the nearby trash can. He remains on the counter for a few seconds, embracing Shige who’s nowhere close to coming down from such an intense orgasm, too disoriented to know anything but how good he feels right now.
Then Tegoshi appears behind him and a whole new wave of anticipation crashes over him because it’s about to get even better. Fingers gently press down on his back and Shige’s pliant enough to just lean forward, resting his head on his elbows while Tegoshi shoves down his pants and underwear and pops the cap on this lube.
“I thought about it this way too,” Tegoshi tells him, his low whisper making Shige shiver. “I never thought you’d let me, but here we are.”
A slick finger traces his rim and now Shige’s the one moaning shamelessly, his body pushing back against the touch from no active control of his. “Don’t tease me,” he forces out, sounding harsher than he means to, but Tegoshi just chuckles.
“Don’t worry,” he says, leaning down enough to press the words into the back of Shige’s neck. “I’m gonna give it to you good.”
“Please,” Shige replies, because he’s far beyond any type of inhibition.
Tegoshi gets one finger inside, then another, and Shige groans low in his throat, arching his back to take them in deeper. A third appears and Shige’s thrashing against the counter, nails scraping to hold on to nothing as his body aches to be filled.
“Now, Tegoshi,” he demands, and the fingers abruptly disappear, leaving him empty for long enough to whine about it.
“Almost,” Tegoshi says, sounding just as desperate as Shige feels as he puts on a condom. “And call me Yuuya.”
“Yuuya,” Shige switches easily, his breath hitching as Tegoshi pushes in. “Oh my god, yes, fuck me.”
The words just pour out, but Tegoshi follows orders. Both hands grabbing onto Shige’s hips, Tegoshi gradually increases his speed until he’s pounding into Shige, his loud moans seeming to penetrate Shige as much as his cock is. Shige feels him everywhere, surging to the tips of his fingers and toes like he was still coming.
“Shige, look up.”
There’s no way Shige can raise his head right now, but Tegoshi helps by prying one hand off of Shige’s hip to gently urge him back by his hair. It takes a few thrusts for Shige to focus, but then he’s watching the pair of them move together in the mirror, Tegoshi’s gaze locked on their reflection.
Shige’s an actual mess. His hair is all over the place, his shirt halfway up his back, his face a caricature of the sexual pleasure that’s rocking his entire body right now. He meets Tegoshi’s eyes and Tegoshi falters in his rhythm, flashing a smile that looks out of place until he bites his lip. “I’m close.”
Shige forces his eyes to stay open long enough to watch Tegoshi come apart behind him. It’s equally as beautiful and erotic, sweat flinging from Tegoshi’s hair as he throws his head back with the final thrust, and the cascade of tingling that takes over Shige’s body feels just as good as another orgasm.
In the time it takes him to lift his head, Tegoshi has already disposed of the condom and fixed his clothes, vigorously washing his face like that was going to help dilute the freshly fucked look.
“Your walls are up again,” Shige says as he uses the last of his energy to push himself up, grateful that today’s meeting is just concert planning and not moving. “Is it really that horrible to be attracted to me?”
“I’m not just attracted to you,” Tegoshi says to the mirror, and Shige melts.
His body still on autopilot, he closes the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Tegoshi in a back hug until Tegoshi relaxes.
“You are far too tense for someone who just had sex twice,” Shige tells him.
Tegoshi lets out a short laugh. “How is this supposed to work again?”
“I don’t really know,” Shige says honestly. “But I have faith in both of us to figure it out.”
Tegoshi doesn’t look convinced, but that just means that the other two members don’t automatically assume the truth when they slump back into the meeting room thirty minutes late, exhausted and disheveled.
“Did you fight?” Koyama asks carefully, looking sad enough to break Shige’s heart.
“Yeah,” Tegoshi answers easily. Shige supposes it’s not a complete lie.
“Who won?” Massu asks with an expression of indifference.
Shige glances over to Tegoshi, who offers a small, hopeful smile.
“We both did.”