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My Ingrown Toenails Won't Stop Me From Entering the Vegan Skateboarding Championship

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The year was 2012, Gangnam Style was playing nonstop from the bugles. Homosexual bugs were on the prowl to stop Gangnam Style from changing the world.

Anasui cried in his bunk bed, curled up on Abbacchio's stomach like a rolypoly. The bottom bunk was for their massive collection of skateboards.

"Babe, it's just a few ingrown toenails." Abbacchio stroked the thick pink hair of his boyfriend, "It's not like it's radioactive."

Anasui sniffled.

"B-but... I can't be married to a man who has 8 ingrown toenails and will eventually need a painful surgery to remove all of them and will have to wear a cast for months and eventually will regrow his toenails but they'll be all fucked up!"

"That's just life, Narciso." Abbacchio sighed, "You breathe in the ash and dust, and eventually... You wipe that brow of yours and are left to sweat your rust."

Anasui sat up, tears coming out of his eyes. They weren't his.

"H-how are you going to win the vegan skateboarding championship with such painful, nasty piggies!?"

Abbacchio pulled Anasui close.

"Like a big boy, Anasui."


The Vegan Skateboarding Championship took place in the Coochiebowl, a huge dome full of soup. Vegan, gluten free soup.

"PSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Joseph pointed his penis at the microphone and let loose. Urine splattered everywhere, including in the four foot long pizza.

The perfect way to announce the 4096th annual Vegan Skateboarding Championship.

"Champions, raise your flags!" Joseph continued to spray piss everywhere, he was slowly losing body weight.

Koichi skateboarded in, Yukako flag out.

"I'm doing this to raise awareness for the Koichifits! They didn't deserve to break up on March 23th 1984, causing my premature birth!"

Yukako clapped. Hermes? She also clapped.

"Wait, Koichi is underage!" Officer Cloudy with a Chance of Get the Fuck Out of The Coochie Dungeon ran down the Coochie Throne's Staircase to kick him out.

"Wait!" Joseph yelled out from the announcer stand, "But if he was born in 1984 and it's 2012 that would make him 28!"

"28 years too young!" The officer grabbed Koichi and made a run for it.

Wrong move, Officer.

That wasn't Koichi.

"HAAAAJIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE!"

A beast bellowed from within the Coochiebowl. Out came Komaeda, in control. Hajime watched from the stands, quivering in fear as Komaeda crawled to the center of the Coochiebowl like a centipede.

"Hajime.... SNAJIME!!!" 

He roared, naked.

"SNAJIME SNAJIME SNAJIME!"

Komaeda licked the floor. Slurping up the Hajime remnants. The whole bowl was silent. Nobody knew how to react to this.

"SNAJIME ME!!!!! HAJIME!!!!" Komaeda punched the edges of the Coochiebowl, causing soup to rain down upon him. He punched and thrashed, shooting semen everywhere he could.

"Where the hell is his skateboard?" Someone from the stands yelled.

Abbacchio watched from the waiting room, thinking he just might have a chance after this. The ingrown toenail pain was excruciating, but he wouldn't have to try if vegan skateboarding legend Koichi was banned from participating.

"Leone Abbacchio." Guy Sensei, the Coochkage, called out.

Abbacchio filled his balls up with soup.

It's go time.