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This is a lot of effort. Like. Like a fuckload amount of effort. But Richie refuses to give up because he’s so close . He’s gonna fuck Eddie over their kitchen island even if it kills him. Or Eddie kills him. 

But he’s close! Last week he got to have Eddie on his knees, fucking his mouth onto his cock-and he didn’t even do anything! (Ok, maybe he spent half the week purposely working out of the kitchen, instead of in his office. And maybe the day in question had been spent pressing against Eddie when the opportunity provided-or just touching him whenever possible. But the point is Eddie gave in, so this is definitely happening.) 


“Hey!  You got off early!" 

"Yeah you asked so I figured I’d at least try. Home before 4 on a Friday sounded like a good plan.”

“Good, because we have a date.”

“I- we do?" 

"I mean, I planned something? And you promised.” 

"Are we going out?" 

"Nah, we’re staying in all night. Take your clothes off." 

”…We are not having sex in the kitchen-“

"Oh my God I meant your coat asshole and yes we will, I’m gonna win this.”

“It’s not a fucking competition-”

“It is and you know it. And I’m winning.”

“How the fuck are you winning?!" 

"Because you let me fuck your mouth while sitting at the kitchen table last week.”

“… That was a freak occurrence and it will never happen again, you set me up.”

“Me? Eds, I would never! ”

“You weren’t wearing any underwear! What was I supposed to do?!" 

"So it’s my fault that you’re so ready to drop to your knees?”

“I literally hate you so much, we have to cancel this date immediately-" 

"Nope, hold on a second-”

“Stop throwing your weight around, just because you’re bigger than me-”

“Taller, it’s specifically the taller part-”

“Doesn’t mean you can manhandle me, I- shit.

"Listen, I’m definitely going to fuck you in here this weekend. Not tonight, I did promise you a nice date, but when I do, you’re gonna want it and you’re gonna ask for it. Sound good, baby?" 

”…. yeah-“

"Yeah what, baby?”

“Yes, Richie, it sounds good." 

"Good boy, now what should we order to eat? I’m thinking-”

“If you say spaghetti, I swear to God-”



“Stop being a brat and help me bring the pillows into the living room." 

"I’m not being a brat!”

“You are literally glaring at me from the kitchen. It’s like living with an angry cat." 

I am not like a cat. “ 


“It’s not my fault! You made such a big deal and now I want you to fuck me!" 

"I told you not tonight." 

"Come on, please? ”

“You can ask nicer than that. And no. No one is getting fucked tonight. By me or a toy." 

”….You didn’t. “

"Whaaat didn’t I do, baby? ”

“Don’t ‘baby’ me, you probably- you hid our toys?!

“I’ve been home all day and I know you better than anyone. I hid everything. And you’ll never find them.” 

“You’re a fucking asshole.”

“Mhm. I hid the lube too so you can’t try to finger yourself either. Not that I wouldn’t love to watch. ”

“I hate you so much. I didn’t even want to finger myself while you watched anyway." 

"Aw, no? ”

“Nope. I had a better plan. ”


"Oh yeah, remember that time we made a model toy from your cock?" 


“Yeah, I know how much you like watching yourself stretch me open so…" 

”…. I’m still not gonna fuck you tonight.“ 


“But let’s fucking come back to that later." 


"You’re being a tease.”

I’m being a tease?!”

“You’re wearing my hoodie with your fucking shorts-”

“You like my shorts." 

"I do. I really fucking do. Come here. ”

“… You gotta stop pulling me into the kitchen to kiss. ”

“…Absolutely not. ”

“…I like when you do that. ”

“Do what? ”


"What, you lost your words? ”

“Fuck you. I like when you put your hand on my throat and on my- on my thigh- shit Richie-

“Yeah? ”

“Fuck yeah, please keep doing that-”

“Yeah, you gonna just rub yourself off on my thigh?”

“God, fuck just let me, please-”

“Oh, you wanna come? I didn’t say you couldn’t. Just said you weren’t getting fucked." 

"Richie, please-”

“It’s ok, you’re ok.  You can come in your shorts, baby. Or…”

“….Or what. ”

“Wait for it. Wait until tomorrow, and I’ll take you apart the way you like." 

”…. shit. Shit .“

"Your choice, baby. You do love delayed satisfaction." 

"Not this delayed." 

"Hey, look at me. Do you wanna stop? You gotta tell me.”

“No, I just….Do the thing where you only hold my wrist so I know you’re there? Because if you touch me anywhere else I may come and I do wanna try to wait.”

“God you’re cute, ok. Better?" 

"Yeah but shut the fuck up." 

"Love of my life.”

“Mhm. Hey, Rich?”

“Sup spaghetti?”

“We went. So long. Without a pasta related incident.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You fucking aren’t. And here I was gonna say thank you for the nice date, I really liked staying in with you-”

“I liked it too! So I nailed it? ”

“Yeah, you nailed it-" 

"Like I’m gonna nail you tomorrow!”

“Oh my god I cannot fucking stand you, I’m going to bed- hey don’t let go of me what the fuck you’re coming to bed too-

“No, no, no-where are you going?” 

“Shhh, go back to bed Rich, I’m going for a run.”

“Nooo, come back to bed-”

“You go back to bed. You’re like dead weight right now-how did you even get down to the kitchen?”

“I followed my dick; it always knows where you are.” 

“Bye. Goodbye. Let me go-”

“Nope, gimme a kiss first.” 

“You have morning breath-”

“Come here …”

“…You used mouthwash.” 

“i did. I knew you wouldn’t kiss me if I didn’t.”

“…OK. OK, ok, I gotta go stop distracting me-”

Stay .”

“A half hour. I’ll be right back. Richie, I’m coming back. Like I’m not leaving or disappearing, I’m going for a run, I’ll come back and shower and then we can fuck in the kitchen-” 

"Let me go with you.” 

“On a run? You wanna go on a run with me. Today, this morning when it is cold.” 

“Absolutely, it’ll be fun.” 

"Never mind.” 


“Never mind, I’m not going out, come on.” 


“Because you had a nightmare or something and you’re not telling me, and it would be super shitty of me to just leave you right now so. We’re gonna go back to bed.”

“…You are my favorite person.” 

“Yeah, yeah I know. Come on, you big baby.”


"This is literally the least sexy set up. It looks like a crime scene." 

"We’re about to deal with a different type of bodily fluid-”

“I’m divorcing you-”

“In large quantities because you wouldn’t put out earlier. And we’re not even married.”

“I’m so tired of you-we went back to bed for you . And we’re not married yet . But I’m gonna divorce you immediately afterward if you keep acting like an idiot. ”

“Are you gonna let me fuck you though? ”


“Then it’s incredibly sexy, and I cannot promise I won’t continue acting like an idiot. Come here." 


"Eds, Eddie, Eddie baby-”

What, Richie? ”

“Hey, don’t be rude. ”

“Fuck, that hurts -”

"Yeah? Want me to stop?”

"Don’t you fucking dare- shit Richie yes-

“Look at you being a slut for it and nothing’s even in you yet. Your shorts aren’t even off  yet. You just like being bent over and smacked, don’t you? ”

“Fuck, Richie-”

“I said, don’t you?

“Shit, yes, yes ok I like it, I love it when you smack my ass ok?”

“Good boy.”


"Alright baby, push your shorts down to your knees and pass me the lube. ”

“…Not take them off? ”

“I really wanna fuck you in my hoodie and your shorts, is that ok baby?  Can I take you apart like this, over the counter like this, wearing our clothes like this?” 

"Jesus Christ yes, yeah ok ok please-" 

“Tell me, baby. Tell me how you want me to work you open before giving you my cock. Don’t hide your face from me, let me hear you.”

“Richie, please , I want it-”

“You always want it. Be specific.”

Ah, ah, fuck, please come on, I want your fingers, I want them, ah, inside me, I want you to stretch me open-I like it when you do it, fuck, I like it when you hold me open so you can fuck your cock into me-”

“Good boy.”


“Hah, fuck it’s-it’s big. You’re so big, shit .”

“Mhm, can I keep going?”


“God, you’re tight. You’re so fucking tight; I worked you over for ages how are you still tight?”

“Oh my god, oh my God- fuck

“Eddie baby, fuck, you make want to take you apart, make me want to keep you like this, bent over so I can fuck you all the time, I wanna be inside you all the time, Eddie fuck-”

“Fuckfuckfuck , Richie please-”

“Are you gonna cry?”

“Fuck you. Maybe. Fuck me harder.”

“Harder? You sure?” 

“Yes, don’t second guess me- oh-

“You asked for it.” 

"Fuck fuck fuck, I’m gonna die, you’re going to kill me with your dick." 

“God, you open up for my cock so nicely, don’t you? You take it so well. Fuck, I love fucking you, I love having you like this.” 

“Rich, Richie , it feels good, it feels so good, fuck I need it -” 

"Eddie, fuck, what do you need… what do you want, baby-”

“Hold me down and come inside me, please I wanna feel you come in me, please .”

"God yes, of course you do, you like it right, you like how it feels when I fuck myself into you. You take it so good, you take dick so fucking good, Eds-” 

"Please, please I’m so close-”

“Fuck yeah, you’re gonna come on my cock aren’t you? From it filling you, right baby? God, fuck, making you keep your shorts on was a fantastic idea you look so good stretched out, held open by my cock-”

“Richie, I-“

"And you feel even better, Christ, Eddie, I’m gonna come-”

“Please God, touch me, fuck me, I can’t, Richie I can’t- oh, oh fuck oh-

“God, fuck you get so fucking tight when you come, fuck baby, Eddie, fuck- yes ." 


“Come on, baby.”


“Nuh-uh, we have to clean up.”


“No, we have to go shower and take a nap, and then I will clean while you hover.”


“I’m not going to hover, I’m going to supervise .”


“Oh that’s what we’re calling it now?”




“Come shower, baby. I wanna check you over and make sure you’re good.”


“I’m good. I’m fantastic-”


“You’re dick drunk.”


“Fuck you. Maybe. I love you.”


“Mhm, I love you too. Come on.”