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Stained Glass Shadow

Summary:

Some affairs, however brief, leave a lasting mark. Mercedes’ faith is challenged and changed during the war. However, she can't help but feel it's fate that keeps her crossing paths with Hubert to share a dance, year after year, beneath the Ethereal Moon.

An AU where: Jeralt was Wilhelm the First, Byleth wakes up early in the care of those he fought against, and Edelgard is always on the brink of going full-Hegemon. Primarily follows Mercedes, Hubert, Annette, and Byleth.

Chapter 1: All out of firsts

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

There was one ball being held that evening, but from Mercedes’ point of view on the fringes of it there were really two. There was the main event in the center where all the nobles gathered in their finest garb and danced with each other. There was meaning to those dances, and every interaction was scrutinized. Dancing was not for fun, and it was like a chess board out there. Then, there was the other ball happening on the edges with the commoners. There the stakes were not so high. That was Mercedes’ ball.

She stood with the other members of her house - commoners and lesser nobility - who were not part of the Officer’s Academy. They had no crests, or they could not afford the exorbitant tuition charged to those without one to be part of that elite group. Often Mercedes didn’t feel part of it either. She was far older than most students. She was 23 and most of her classmates were in their teens. It was strange to watch them and sometimes feel like one of them, and then at other times to feel like some ancient voyeur. They were experiencing all their firsts here, but Mercedes’ firsts were all long past.

She had attended the Royal School of Sorcery in Fhirdiad when she was a teenager, and after that she’d gone into the Church despite her adoptive father’s wishes that she marry. It was there she had gotten tangled into a modest scandal of her own making. Mercedes had made the mistake of falling in love with a young man studying in the seminary. Unfortunately, he was already arranged to someone else. She knew this going in, but at twenty she had been sure their love would prevail. It did not.

To make her go away, his family paid off the Church which subsequently “discovered” that she had a crest. A special accommodation was made to send her to the Officer’s Academy, even though she was older than the new combat instructor they had just hired. Her father encouraged her to go; she wasn’t a virgin anymore and he wanted some time for that fact to cool down before trying to shop her around to more suitors. Perhaps she was no longer a pure bride, but at least she’d be an educated one when she graduated from Garreg Mach. Mercedes took the bribe and left her first love to his arranged life. Some would say it was cold, but Mercedes was a realist: he wasn’t going to marry her, and she wasn’t sure she wanted him to.

Now she was here, a Blue Lion from Adrestia and a commoner with a crest. An unusual young woman indeed. Part of her wanted to hold up her noble roots; she was a von Martritz, but they weren't a house anymore. She was also a von Bartels, but she didn’t want to talk about that. So she stayed towards the back of the ball and didn’t dare venture towards the forbidden center. She’d warned Ashe not to go in, but he was the adopted heir of House Gaspard, and so he’d gone because he thought he belonged. Now he looked a little lost up there but Mercedes couldn’t give her experiences to her classmates. They had to have them for themselves. He would learn tonight that it was incredibly difficult to straddle these two worlds without falling.

She watched as her noble friends continued to dance. Annette had a major crush on Felix and everyone seemed to know but him. Annette had lobbied hard for Mercedes to ask Sylvain to dance while she asked Felix, but Mercedes didn’t feel very comfortable doing that. Mercedes liked Sylvain just fine, but he could be a little strange about women sometimes and it made her uncomfortable. The last thing she wanted or needed was Annie’s dream of the two double dating with Felix and Sylvain to come true. Sylvain was the heir of his extremely important house, and Mercedes didn’t care for people whispering about why she was dancing with him up there in the center of the floor. A dance was not allowed to just be dance when it came to nobles with other people watching. 

Mercedes had tried to get Annette to get Ingrid to dance with Sylvain instead, but Annette was too nervous to ask for Ingrid’s help. Ingrid had been engaged to Felix’s brother, and she was best friends with the boys. Annette was worried the other girl might be competition rather than a friend. Mercedes was pretty sure Ingrid only had eyes for her training lance and dinner, but it could be hard to fight the bubbling insecurities of a seventeen year old. Mercedes didn’t fault Annie for it, this was just a part of growing up.

Mercedes and Annette were easy friends; they knew each other from the School of Sorcery, they liked similar things, and they got along wonderfully. In comparison Ingrid and Annette could not be more unalike. However, Mercedes secretly thought that those two had way more in common than Annie was willing to acknowledge. They were both from important families in Faerghus, they were the same age, and they were probably going to be around each other for the rest of their lives given their social circles. Mercedes subtly tried to push them together every chance she got in the hopes they'd become better friends. 

Mercedes' eyes wandered back to the people around her. Just because she wasn’t going to dance with Sylvain did not mean she didn’t want to dance at all. She looked at her options. The commoners' end of the ball was a little more populated with older students, though not nearly as old as her. There were a handful of others from the Officer’s Academy, and she knew them better than she knew the Blue Lions that weren’t part of the special school. The Golden Deer were well represented with Leonie, Ignatz, and Raphael. The three were messing around with each other and being silly, and did not look very interested in dancing. Mercedes smiled at the good time they appeared to be having together. The only Black Eagle was Dorothea and she was watching the nobles with a keen contempt. Mercedes thought about asking her to dance, but Dorothea looked a little mad about the whole affair. Then there was one of Mercedes' favorite classmates, Dedue.

Dedue had no crest and no noble standing. His tuition had been paid by Dimitri, but he did not dare go up and stand with his liege. He looked supremely uncomfortable at this event and Mercedes felt badly about that. Perhaps a dance was just the thing he needed to feel better.

“Would you like to dance Dedue?” asked Mercedes brightly as she looked up at him.

Dedue looked down at her and then quickly looked away, “It would not be fitting for you to dance with a man from Duscur.”

Mercedes frowned, this again. She pulled on his hand gently, “I don’t really care if I should or should not dance with a man from Duscur. I care that if you would like to dance you should get the chance.” Dedue stared at her hand and looked conflicted. Mercedes bit her lip, “I understand if you don’t wish to dance, but please don’t deny yourself just because of where you’re from—”

“I do not wish to dance,” said Dedue firmly. That she believed just fine.

“Oh, alright,” said Mercedes. “That’s fine! Dancing isn’t for everyone.”

A small smile crossed his lips, “Thank you Mercedes.”

Mercedes pulled on the ends of her shawl to distract herself from her boredom. She was still wearing it over her formal dress because while the hall was warm the walk back to the dorms would be very cold. She wasn’t willing to sacrifice her comfort for her appearance like so many of her classmates. If it made her look a little matronly that was fine, she didn’t mind so much. The rest of her looked extra nice tonight to compensate. Her ash blond hair was tied back with a special accessory and she and Annie had done each other’s makeup. Annie had gifted Mercedes a nice pair of earrings that matched her blue eyes. It was too nice a gift in Mercedes’ opinion, but that was Annie’s way.

She watched as Annie stumbled through asking Felix to dance and smiled as he accepted. Well now Mercedes could leave because she wasn’t really needed anymore in case things ended in a crisis. Besides, it was not as if anyone was coming to ask her for a dance. 

Mercedes ducked outside. Truth be told, she was feeling slightly jaded over the dance. She wasn’t gripped with a crush like Annette, she wasn’t bound by duty to stay like Dedue, she wasn’t jealous but self-loathing like Dorothea, and so she left. 

The night was chilly and Mercedes was grateful for her shawl as she strolled outside into the empty night. She might not have had a partner, but that did not mean she could not dance. She hummed a tune and spun by herself in her own private world imagining a ball without an unspoken divide between nobles and commoners where anyone could dance with anyone they wanted. Mercedes was vaguely aware that she probably looked ridiculous to anyone who might accidentally glimpse her, but she didn't really mind. She found that as she got older she became less self-conscious about being who she was. That change was as freeing as a solo Ethereal Moon dance beneath a starry sky.

She was a little clumsy, she enjoying praying, she loved to bake, and people found this all very agreeable. She also loved a dark ghost story and scaring people, all in good fun of course, but people didn’t like that quite as much. She also knew she could get angry. People didn’t like anger, especially in a woman, and Mercedes had tried very hard to keep her anger to herself when she was young. She buried the bad feelings she had about the Bartels, she buried the loss of her brother, and she buried how she felt about crests and misery they caused. However, she was done suppressing her anger and denying the feeling. It was part of her, and she wasn’t going to invalidate it anymore. When someone made her angry now she let them know. She was learning to use it on the battlefield.

Mercedes was lost in her own reverie, her own little ball for one, until she heard someone getting up from a shadowed bench. She froze as she stared at Hubert von Vestra caught in the act of trying to get away without being detected. He quickly bowed, “Sorry to interrupt.” He made to go back inside.

Mercedes didn’t know how to react. When she was younger she might have been embarrassed to be caught doing something as silly as this. Now she did not mind people seeing her enjoying herself. “Wait,” she called after him.

He paused and turned back to look at her, “Yes?” He was always polite, but as cold as the winter winds coming down from Faerghus.

She extended her hand, “Do you want to dance?” She knew enough about him to know that he’d say no but she didn't have anything to lose by asking. It might even be fun.

Hubert stared at her. His resting face was a frown but everyone was used to that by now. “Very well,” he said as he stepped forward to take her hand.

“Oh,” said Mercedes in surprise as he began to step to the music leaking from the ballroom and out onto the balcony. It was muted and soft, but just loud enough to know it was a waltz.

“You’re good at dancing,” said Mercedes. He was better than her if she was being honest. His hand was pressing gently between her shoulder blades and he led with sharp precision.

“I was professionally trained,” said Hubert in his quiet voice. “Lady Edelgard needed a partner.”

“I’m surprised you’re not dancing with her now,” said Mercedes. She expected him to fiercely guard his princess and fend off potential partners, but what Mercedes had seen inside was Edelgard politely dancing with almost anyone who approached her.

“It is not my place to ask for a dance with her,” said Hubert. “She is the imperial princess, I am her vassal, it would not be appropriate.”

“But you can dance with a commoner?” teased Mercedes as they moved.

“You asked, and it would be rude to refuse,” said Hubert with indifference. “Besides, I believe you are a Martritz and a Bartels, are you not? You are an Adrestian noble of sorts.”

She went by her true father’s family name, though she had never known him, and never by her awful step father's name. Bartels, even thinking it sent a shiver down her spine. Mercedes cocked her head at him, “You sure know a lot about me.”

“I like to stay informed about those who surround Lady Edelgard,” said Hubert.

“Oh my, what else do you know about me?” Mercedes wasn’t exactly worried about her little scandal getting out, but one of the conditions of her bribe had been not talking about it.

Hubert spared her a neutral glance and inhaled, “Let me see, you like to spend a great deal of time in the cathedral, and shopping with your little friend you call Annie instead of Annette. You are teaching the prince to embroider, and he is not good at it. You are bad at seasoning food.”

Mercedes snorted, “What are you following me around?”

“These are just the things you do or speak of in public spaces,” he said carefully. They had reason class together, and Mercedes was sure she’d probably gossiped about all those things with Annie before class on a number of occasions. She’d never have thought Hubert was actually listening in on her idle chatter nor would she have expected him to remember such small trivial things.

“Do you like watching people,” she asked as he spun her, “Or do you just like watching me?”

He didn’t even falter at her teasing question, and his tone was unperturbed, “I watch everyone.” He paused and gave her a look that she found difficult to interpret, “Although, I suppose I enjoy watching you more than some of our other classmates.” Mercedes was exceptional at reading people but Hubert’s face was almost always in a static state of unfriendliness. His words ventured into the territory of flirtation, which surprised her, but everything about his body language, his facial expressions, and tenor screamed apathy towards her.

She supposed if he liked watching her more than others that was a compliment, or at least as close to one as Hubert was capable of. He had a reputation for being ice cold and intimidating, and it was clear he was not interested in making friends here. When they were in their reason lessons together he was reserved and polite but he didn’t speak much. Frankly, he was easy to ignore which was probably how he managed to see and hear so much. She suspected he preferred being overlooked.

“I didn’t think you were all that interested in other people,” said Mercedes. She assumed he was only interested in Edelgard.

Hubert’s face was unchanged though she felt how his hand relaxed on her back, “Getting to know people allows me to anticipate what they will do.”

“Always a tactician even off the battlefield,” smiled Mercedes. She could recall how he was the one directing the Black Eagles during the last mock battle in a futile attempt to get the class to actually support Edelgard rather than thwarting her efforts. They had failed spectacularly and the Blue Lions had taken the victory.

“The world is a battlefield,” he said quietly. “So the more I know about people and how they will act, the better.”

Mercedes decided for the first time to actually look at him in the way that he must study others. She had never been this close to him before, and she had never considered at his features beyond picking him out in a crowd to avoid him. He was tall, dark, and frowning; she supposed in that way he did stand out, the only other person who frowned as much was Felix. Even Dedue, with all his sorrows, managed to smile more.

Otherwise, Hubert was fairly generic in the landscape of the school. His hair was sort of in-between getting long like a nobleman’s, and being kept short like a noble boy’s. It marked him as older, and made him appear more mature than someone like Sylvain even though they were not that far apart in age. He was one of the tallest men in the Officer’s Academy, and it was amusing to see how he towered over Edelgard as he followed her around. That made him seem taller than he actually was, but up close Mercedes found she came up to his chin. He was broad shouldered and could handle a lance, but lacked the obvious strength of someone like Dedue or Raphael. He was big enough that one would not wish to cross him, but not so big that there was no hope of taking him down. He was perfectly suited to blending into the background and being ignored.

The song slowed to its end and they stopped stepping. She missed this closeness that came with being intimate with another person. They stood motionless for a few extra moments until she heard him clear his throat as if to remind her the song was done. They looked at each other in silence and Mercedes figured tonight was a night of first dances and first kisses for most people. Even she’d had all her firsts it didn’t mean she couldn’t have seconds or thirds. She wondered if he would find her at all unpredictable after this. 

Mercedes leaned up and kissed him. To her continuing surprise, he kissed her back. He wasn’t clumsy or too forceful like she expected, but restrained and seemingly practiced.

As she pulled back from it she could not help but grin, “Not your first time?” She wondered what sort of other things he’d done before and who he’d done them with. He wouldn’t ask Edelgard for a dance, and so it seemed incomprehensible that he would ask her for a kiss. No, there was — or had been — someone else that dared to be this close to him.

The corner of Hubert’s lip twitched up with amusement. “I don’t kiss and tell,” he paused as he stared at her. “I trust you won’t either.” It was a warning.

Mercedes just nodded and shivered as she looked up at a few stray flurries coming down. She was going back to her dorm and getting into her warmest night gown tonight and not stopping to tell anyone that she had kissed the least liked member of their class on a whim. Annie would be aghast at the thought of squandering something as special as a kiss, but Mercedes’ first love had taught her that kisses could be cheap and not mean very much at all. Ingrid, who constantly wasted time humoring her father’s requests that she meet with this or that suitor, would be perplexed by the concept of kissing for pleasure. Both Annie and Ingrid were unquestioning in the idea that it was important to save intimate things for marriage, but Mercedes had already spent that illusionary currency.

Mercedes’ smile was easy, “Thanks for the dance. Maybe we should do this again sometime.”

Hubert’s face was as hard to read as ever, “I think not. Once you find out who I am, you will not like me very much.”

It wasn’t a question, it was statement, but she would only realize that when the Flame Emperor declared war upon the Church. However, that was still months away and in the meantime the thought of who Hubert really was and if she might like him rolled around in the back of her imagination every time she saw him.

Notes:

I'd just like to give a big thank you to people who have supported my writing so far on AO3 so far, the reception has been so much better than I ever imagined. I'm a multi-shipper, and I like rare pairs as a way to explore aspects of characters that aren't always highlighted. I like filling in plot gaps and backstories, and that's what I intend to do with this long fic. Thanks for stopping by.