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Embarrassing Iruka and Other Things to do in the Mission Room

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"Say it ain't so, Sensei."

"What?" Iruka asked, turning his attention to Genma. He was sitting at the mission desk. It had been a quiet night. Genma had taken delight in hanging around to tug on Iruka’s ponytail and heckling the other shinobi that came in. He just hadn’t expected that.

"You think I didn't see that?" Genma gestured to the door the Kakashi had just left through. The one Iruka’s eyes had been fixed on it at just the right height to watch Kakashi’s ass until it disappeared.

"Genma," Iruka said his name with a put upon sigh, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Genma wiggled his eyebrows and waited. Iruka scowled and pointedly turned his attention back to the paperwork in front of him. Genma watched Iruka squirm for a moment, trying to hide it behind busy work. Genma grabbed a chair and swung it around so he could straddle it and rest his arms across the back.

"So, this does it for you, huh?" Genma said as he put a hand over the lower portion of his face. "Is that it? You like the mystery? I bet you find it romantic. That’s cute. Would you want me if I did the mask thing? I would be very mysterious. A handsome bandit kind of look?"

"I could do with having a little mystery from you right now. How about you disappear and make me wonder?" Iruka snapped.

"So mean, Sensei. My poor feelings,” Genma said, holding a hand to his heart.

“Genma, if you had any proper feelings I might be concerned but you’ve never demonstrated any, so quit pretending.”

With that Iruka turned his attention back to the paperwork in front of him.

“But seriously, Iruka, Hatake?” Genma asked. Iruka shot him a warning look. Genma grinned. He loved poking at a protective Iruka. It was sweet how territorial Iruka could be.

“I can’t believe our sweet little dolphin has a crush on Konoha’s greatest disaster. Like, I suppose he has a nice body. Nice and fit. Ready to fight.” Iruka twitched in his filing, his nose wrinkling. “And strong. Bet you’d like that, especially in the bedroom.” Iruka scowled at him before shaking his head and checking off parts of the mission scroll almost violently.

“But he’s damned pasty.” Iruka made an annoyed noise. Genma could practically hear his teeth grinding. “I have never seen someone so white. I wonder how pale he is under all those clothes. Probably bone white. You could leave some nice bruises and bites. That’s your thing, right? And his personality is a disaster. He’s weird. But that is your thing too.”

“Stop.” Iruka’s voice was all warning. Genma ignored it even as Iruka’s relief, a chunin named Akari, came in. Iruka’s face was flushed and a vein was throbbing in his forehead. His chakra crackling with anger, filling up the empty mission room.

“Is something wrong, Iruka-sensei?” Akari asked, a concerned look on her face.

“Everything is fine,” Iruka said warmly to Akari, “Genma was just leaving.” Iruka shot him a heavy glare. Genma just grinned.

“Really?” Genma said, “I thought we were talking about your delicious little crush. Unless it’s more than a crush?”

“Genma, shut up!” Iruka snapped. He slammed the paperwork he had in his hands down on the table. Akari jumped slightly, shocked by Iruka’s outburst.

Genma looked Iruka over. “Definitely more than a crush then.”

“Fuck you, Genma. Really. Fuck. You.”

“I love you, Iruka, just not in that way.”

Iruka stood, all indignant irritation. He was so cute.

“But Kakashi definitely wants you in “that way”,” Genma said, not missing a beat.

“What?” Iruka froze, his pen gripped in his hand like a senbon. The man was legitimately surprised. Genma almost laughed and then felt a wave of pity for Kakashi.

“The man was tripping all over himself in front of you. He dropped his mission scroll, bumped the table and grabbed the scroll at the same time as you. Iruka, he had the coordination to pull off chunin at six. He’s never uncoordinated.” Genma made a figure it out motion. “It’s almost as cheesy as those stupid books he reads.”

Iruka was flushed and frozen. His mouth in a perfect little “o”.

“Really, you guys are actually a little sad. You’re ninja, damn it. Figure it out,” Genma said as he leaned into Iruka’s personal space. Iruka reached up a hand and pushed Genma’s face away from his own. Genma didn’t mention that Iruka was trembling ever so slightly.

“Just, shut up, Genma.”

Iruka was breathless. He scrambled a little awkwardly to collect his things, even dropping a few as he went.

“So, are you going to get yourself some copy-nin this evening?”

“Shut up, Genma,” Iruka hissed as he made his way to the door, desperately trying not to look like he was rushing and failing miserably.

“Get that ass, Sensei,” Genma called.

“Shut up and fuck you, Genma.” Was screamed back.

Genma grinned with satisfaction. An angry Iruka was an aggressive Iruka. The Iruka that declared, “Fuck rank!” and did what he wanted. Angry Iruka got things done. And if Kakashi played his cards right and wasn’t a completely awkward disaster, making Iruka an awkward disaster, he’d get done by an angry Iruka.

“Well, Akari-san, have a good night. I doubt it will be as good as Iruka’s, but try,” Genma said.

“Genma-san, if Iruka-sensei ever decides to kill you, I don’t think anyone will be surprised,” She said the words demurely but her smile was razor-sharp. No wonder Iruka liked her. Genma would put money on them conspiring against him later.

“I’d be the least surprised. But sometimes friendships are like that,” Genma said with a grin and a quick bow before walking away.

Genma wiggled his senbon, resisting the urge to whistle as he left the tower intent on treating himself to some barbecue after his sure to be a successful venture in matchmaking.