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KoRn Oneshots

Chapter 6: Heart on His Sleeve

Summary:

Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing

Notes:

Oh boy, we’re riding the angst train tonight my dudes!

We have some fights, some feels, and a helluva lot of non-sexual, sweet Dom/sub (cos I needed an excuse to work it into a plot somehow!)

- Xee Xx

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Why don’t you listen to a single fucking thing I say?!” Brian yelled, jeans bunched in his fists. “God Jon, we’ve been through this, you’re unbelievable!”

 

“I’m the unbelievable one?! I’m not the one that’s fuckin’ freaking out over a few drinks.” Jonathan scoffed from behind the kitchen island and poured himself another shot from his half-empty bottle of Jack.

 

That very same bottle had been full mere hours earlier. Brian knew this for a fact, he counted every bottle now. Checked numbers with Reg, David and James. Counted again. “Fours months, four whole months without a single drink wasted! And for what?”

 

“Oh, don’t start.” Slurred Jonathan, trying to pull himself upright with some difficulty. It wasn’t just the alcohol, he’d lost weight. “You... I’m not your property, you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

 

“Don’t you start, we are not having this conversation.” Brian took a breath to steady himself; he wasn’t angry, just scared. “Give me that. Now.” He reached his hand out.

 

“Piss off.” Jonathan glared as he batted Brian’s hand away, swayed and almost fell back against the counters. He flicked the cap off the bottle, not even bothering with a shot glass this time. “I bought it, s’mine.”

 

“That’s enough!” Brian raised his voice again as he snatched the bottle from his boyfriend and held it above his head, “I don’t care who bought it, you’ve had enough!” A fist collided with his chest. He’d expected it, the blow wasn’t hard. “Stop it. You need to calm down, this isn’t my Jonathan.”

 

If looks could kill.

 

On any other occasion, he would’ve melted at the thought of his boyfriend owning him. Tonight, however, Jonathan snapped in response, “I’m not your Jonathan, and I was calm till you got your panties in a bunch. S’not even a big deal-“

 

“Not a big deal, my ass! You’re killing yourself! You’re using again, I can see your fucking ribs and alcohol doesn’t do that! What d’ya think that’s doing to me, huh?! Doing to Munky, David, Fieldy?!” Brian exclaimed, the urge to tear at his own hair steadily growing. “Exactly, you don’t think, it’s always all about you!”

 

Thank god the others were out, they didn’t need to hear this.

 

“It’s never fucking about me! It’s what you want for me, it drives me fucking insane! Stop treating me like a baby!” Jonathan was on the verge of screaming. “And I’m not using again, who fed you that bullshit?!”

 

“Nobody did! Look at yourself, you’re a mess! I’m trying to look after you, trying to help! You always push me away!” Brian turned away and clenched his fists; he didn’t want to hit his boyfriend, not deep down. In the back of his mind, he wondered if the neighbours had called the cops yet.

 

“Yeah, well maybe I don’t want your help! I don’t need your help!” He screamed, eyes watery with angry tears.

 

“Shut up, just shut up!” Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, growling. “If you’d stop whining for five goddamn minutes, you’d see that everything I do is for you, to keep you safe.”

 

“I don’t remember asking for a fucking bodyguard...” Jonathan seethed and trembled on the spot. “Don’t follow me. I fucking need some air.” He made it four steps at most before he was slammed against the wall, the air knocked out of his lungs. “What the fuck?! Get off me!”

 

Brian’s eyes glimmered in the dark, almost inhuman. “You don’t get to walk away from this, Jonathan, this is bullshit! I’ll pin you to the wall this whole fucking night if I have to, I’ve had enough of your shit.”

 

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” Jonathan spat, choosing to struggle against the hand squeezing his wrists painfully tight. “Let me go, or... or we’re done! You clearly can’t stand the sight of me so stop pretending you give a fuck and let me leave! I don’t want to be here, don’t want to be with you , why are you such a controlling douche?!-“

 

“Because I fucking love you!” He roared, slamming his fist into the wall next to Jonathan’s head. “I fucking love you but I can’t live like this! All I want is to keep you safe but you fight it so damn hard, don’t you get it?! I like protecting you, I like babying you, I like caring for you! I’m a ‘controlling douche’ cos you slip through my fingers, how else am’a supposed to know you’re okay?! Seeing you like this fucking tears me apart, do you know how much sleep I’ve lost thinking that you’re lying in a ditch somewhere, raped or beaten or dead... and that it’ll be my fault. Because I didn’t do enough, try enough... fuck, I can’t...” his voice cracked, “I can’t lose you...”

 

Jonathan watched with wide eyes as Brian broke down crying, still pinned against wall. His insides went numb, he didn’t like this. Bring back angry Head, dominant Head, any sort of Head but the one heartbroken and sobbing into the crook of his elbow.  “Please, let me go...” The grip on his wrists slackened, it felt like defeat and Brian wouldn’t even lift his head to look at him as he mumbled a broken “go...” But Jonathan slammed into his boyfriend, had he not been so frail he would’ve sent them sprawling on the floor. He buried his face in Brian’s chest and dug his fingers into his back, trembling. “Didn’t mean it...”

 

Brian’s breath hitched, he could feel the wetness soaking into the fabric of his shirt, and the sinking of his heart. The entire situation was a nightmare, both of them were at fault, but that didn’t mean he wanted to make Jonathan cry - knock some sense into him, sure, but not frighten him to the point of tears. “I-I’m here, I’m sorry, I’m here...” He choked, lifting Jonathan off the ground and into his arms. “Shh, c’mon baby, no tears.” Rubbing down Jonathan’s spine, he dried his own tears on his sleeve; he wasn’t any less distraught but he had to be strong, for both of them.

 

Jonathan sniffled and pressed his knuckles against his eyes, whimpering softly. As loud-mouthed as he could be in the heat of the moment, he despised conflict. Now, he felt small. Didn’t have the energy to talk. Just wanted to be held.

 

Continuing to make shushing noises under his breath, Brian swayed backs towards the kitchen. “JD, I know it’s been a long night but I need you to listen to me, it’s very important. We’re gonna make some rules, m’kay? So I can look after you better, and you can feel less stress about taking care of yourself. I promise we’ll talk through everything, I want you to be as comfortable as possible.” He tucked Jonathan’s hair behind his ears and kissed the tears from his cheeks, smiling at him gently. “But first, you have to eat for me, baby.”

 

Jonathan gave a nod in response, yawning into Brian’s shoulder. He wasn’t about to start arguing again, not when he’d finally gotten warm and comfortable - hell, he’d let Brian spoon-feed him if it meant he got cuddled.

 

“Good boy...” Brian murmured. Cooking would take too long, anything heavy would hurt Jonathan’s stomach anyway, so he swiped a packet of crackers from the cupboard and padded down the hall. He paused at the hallway closet and draped a towel over his shoulder, getting a tiny peep from his boyfriend. “It’s okay sweetheart, gonna run you a bath...” He kissed Jonathan’s ear as he walked, nudging the bathroom door open with his hip.

 

“Tired...” Jonathan’s voice was barely a whisper, muffled by his thumb between his lips. As Brian bent to turn on the taps, he clenched his legs around his waist. ‘Don’t put me down, please don’t put me down...’

 

But Brian had no intentions of letting him go, literally or figuratively. “I’m tired too baby, I promise we’ll go to bed after your bath.” He lowered himself to the floor, shifting Jonathan around till he was facing him in his lap. “Need to get you undressed, JD, is that okay?” Just because he’d undressed Jonathan before, under very different circumstances, didn’t mean he could just tear his clothes off whenever he pleased. “You can do it yourself, if you wanna.”

 

Jonathan shook his head sleepily, pointing at Brian and holding his arms up like they weighed a tonne.  He didn’t have the willpower to undress himself, no way.

 

“Alright, hold onto my shoulders.” Brian instructed warmly, grazing his hands down Jonathan’s sides to push his sweater over his head, being careful as to not tangle his hair or get the material caught round his ears.

 

Jonathan shivered and gasped as the cool air hit his skin. He instinctively curled into Brian and whined in discomfort, looking up at him with begging eyes.

 

“Oh I know, I know honey,” Brian cooed, “two more minutes, m’going fast as I can.” Continuing to remove Jonathan’s clothes as carefully as possible, he felt his heart twinge at just how small his boyfriend looked. How long had he not noticed, how many hints had he missed? It ripped him apart inside but Jonathan still trusted him -needed him now -, so he forced the voices to shut it, scooping Jonathan up and lowering him gently into the warm water. “There, see, it’s warm now...” He knelt beside the tub, tugged off his hoodie and grabbed the plastic cup from the edge of the sink. “Head back, good boy.”

 

Tilting his head back, Jonathan shuddered under the hot water that flowed down his back and hugged his knees to his chest. A soft sigh left his lips as fingers ran through his hair, and he closed his eyes to shield them from the water clinging to his lashes. His head felt full of hazy clouds and tiny electric sparks, those tingles that erupted when someone brushed the back of your neck in that one spot . Without warning, he slumped to the side and made no effort to stop himself; his nose was in the crook of his boyfriend’s elbow. He inhaled softly, getting lost in the faint tang of sweat, cheap aftershave, cigarette smoke, home, Brian.

 

Eyes fond, Brian ducked to kiss Jonathan’s head and continued pouring water over his neck and shoulders. Soap or shampoo weren’t necessary, the bath was a calming device more than anything. It allowed him to simply sit and gaze at Jonathan, who’d sobered up remarkably quick, occasionally whispering words of praise or nuzzling his forehead.

“Can I have a kiss?..” He eventually murmured, stroking Jonathan’s cheek with his thumb.

 

Jonathan squirmed shyly but leaned in, brushing lips with his boyfriend, who cupped his cheeks and coaxed him closer. There was a certain urgency present in the otherwise sweet gesture, one that made Jonathan melt into a blushing mess.

 

Brian pulled back with a soft tug on Jonathan’s lower lip and chuckled as the boy leaned forward at the same time. “C’mere you, water’s gettin’ cold.” The water was far from it, in reality, his arms were beginning to feel empty. He laid the towel across his lap, lifted Jonathan under his arms and cradled him close. His boyfriend opened his mouth, about to protest, but he held a finger to his lips. “I don’t care ‘bout my shirt getting wet, it’ll dry,” Brian held Jonathan’s hand and kissed each of his fingertips, thumbing a circle on his palm.

 

Sucking on his lower lip, Jonathan giggled and reached up to touch his boyfriend’s braids. While he was towelled dry, he amused himself by twirling the braids around his fingers, much like he did with his own hair.

 

After a particularly hard -affectionate- tug on his hair, Brian chuckled and sat Jonathan upright. “My good boy...” he praised, pulling his discarded hoodie over his boyfriend’s head and his arms through the sleeves. It was far too big, swallowing Jonathan’s body in such an adorable way that Brian wished he had his camera.

 

Jonathan quivered at the praise, lunging forward and throwing his arms around Brian’s neck. “Wuv you~...” He mumbled, barely audible with his mouth pressed against Brian’s neck. Strong arms circled his back, one hand resting gently on the back of his head, and he sunk further into the embrace.

 

“I love you too, so so much baby...” Brian nuzzled the top of Jonathan’s head and slowly clambered to his feet. He grabbed the crackers from the bathroom shelf and, deciding that he’d deal with the clean-up later, carried Jonathan the short distance to the kitchen. Keeping the lights dim, he fumbled about in the fridge for the milk and scanned the cupboards for a suitable cup. A normal mug would’ve sufficed, but with Jonathan so sleepy he didn’t want to risk a hospital trip thanks to second-degree milk burns.

 

After some thought, Brian settled on a spare sippy-cup left by one of their tech guys - that way, Jonathan could drink on his own without accidentally throwing it down himself. “Now, I know you said you don’t wanna be babied, but this is gonna stop an accident. So don’t hit me, kay?” He chuckled playfully, showing Jonathan the cup, who made a sort of beep in approval, before he put it in the microwave.

 

As he watched the timer count down, rocking his boyfriend on instinct, he didn’t dare point out that he indeed seemed to be enjoying being babied very much - then Jonathan might actually hit him.

 

More than that, he didn’t want to ruin the moment; it was he calmest he’d been in a long time and he could tell that Jonathan felt the same. Especially their first actual fight over something so serious, Jonathan was sick and on second thought, anger definitely wasn’t a great way to deal with it.

 

Discarded on the counter, the half-empty bottle taunted him into stomach-wrenching guilt. As soon as Jonathan was settled in bed, he was gonna throw the thing off the fucking balcony.

 

Before he could get around to more apologising however, the microwave demanded his attention. As he opened the door, Jonathan made a grab for the bottle, pouting when he held it out of his reach. “Ah-ah, hold on mister. Need to check the temperature first.” He tipped the cup over the back of his hand, letting a few drops land on his skin. “Not too bad, good boy for waiting.”

 

Jonathan squirmed, took the cup and raised the tip to his mouth. But he hesitated, glancing between his boyfriend and the drink in his hands with a nervous frown.

 

“It’s just me, don’t be shy.” Brian coaxed and gently nudged the cup closer to his mouth. Reassured, Jonathan snuggled closer and drank, getting into a steady rhythm of sucking through the straw.

 

“Slow, baby, don’t hurt your stomach.” Adjusting his hold on his boyfriend, Brian pocketed a few crackers and unlatched the balcony door. “Let’s eat outside, huh?”

 

Even twenty stories up in the middle of the night, the air was surprisingly warm. Sitting back on the outdoor furniture, Brian cradled Jonathan and held out a biscuit for him to take. “Can you manage one for me?” He asked.

 

Jonathan nodded and took a bite, staring off into space -literally- while he chewed. The cracker lasted a few minutes and when he was done, he curled inwards and hiccuped under his breath.

 

Everything was quiet besides the distant sound of traffic and Jonathan’s snuffling. But Brian’s mind was anything but that, insides still twisting painfully. “Baby boy, can we talk ‘bout what happened?” He asked softly, bouncing his knee in time with patting Jonathan’s back. “You don’t hav’ta talk if you don’t wanna, as long as you listen.”

 

Jonathan looked up from his shoulder and gazed at Brian while sipping his drink, nuzzling his cheek against his chest.

 

“Good boy,” Brian smiled and cupped Jonathan’s other cheek, “I’m sorry for raising my voice earlier. I shouldn’t’ve done that, it was wrong and I upset you.” The sincerity shone in his eyes, he dropped a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “I wasn’t angry with you, I’m never angry with you sweetheart, I was angry at me ‘cause I promised you’d never get hurt again and you did... and I was scared ‘cause I failed you-“

 

Jonathan cut him off by vigorously shaking his head and frowned up at Brian. He couldn’t get the words out but he had to communicate it somehow; it wasn’t Brian’s fault.

 

“No, I did.” Brian retrieved his lighter from his pocket and lit up a cigarette, leaving it dangling between his lips. “I did honey, I said I’d protect you and you got hurt, that scared the hell outta me. I only want you to be healthy and happy and cared for, you deserve that more than anyone else in the whole world. And I know how hard you find it being vulnerable, I don’t expect you to always trust me 100%  and it’s okay if you don’t, I get it. But I would never, ever hurt you JD, not on purpose, you can talk to me about anything. You don’t even have to say anything, we can have a sorta code that tells me somethin’s wrong or something, ‘cause that’s the only way I can make it better baby.” He cupped Jonathan’s chin and squeezed his cheeks together gently, getting a giggle in response. “You’re so fuckin’ cute, ya know that?”

 

Jonathan beamed, pink spreading from his cheeks to the tops of his ears as he nodded eagerly. Tilting his chin slightly, he let go of the bottle in his mouth in favour of Brian’s index finger and gnawed on the digit lightly.

 

Chuckling, Brain wiggled his finger and stubbed out his cigarette so he could rub circles on Jonathan’s stomach. “You’re comfy like this, huh?” He murmured, mind ticking. “I’ve been thinking... this feels good y’know, cuddles, nicknames, cute stuff. And I think maybe I’d like to do it more; look after you an’ stuff I mean. I... I like feelin’ needed... and when you’re like this, super soft and shit, you seem so happy, carefree... I wanna give you that kinda environment every day. I-I mean, I would like that but I don’t wanna make things weird, I get it if you don’t-“

 

“I wanna...” Jonathan said in a hushed tone, lurching upright to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and hug him tight. “Wanna do that too...”

 

Brian hugged back just as tight, not able to hide the smile spreading across his face. “Wait, really? You trust me with that?”

 

“Uh huh...” He whispered, leaning forward till their noses bumped and foreheads rested against each other’s.

 

Keeping Jonathan close, Brian pecked his lips. In all honesty, all his energy has been drained; the adrenaline of the past few hours had began to wear off. Somewhere behind him, a door banged open and Jonathan flinched in surprise. “It’s probably just the guys, it’s okay.” Brian soothed, standing up with Jonathan in his arms. “Let’s go see them.”

 

Back inside, sure enough, Reg, James and David were home, littering the hallway with plastic bags and shoes.

 

“Hey Head, sup JD.” David playfully saluted. “Whatcha been up to?”

 

Jonathan just blinked and smiled shyly, then hid his face in Brian’s shoulder.

 

“Jon, you okay?” The drummer asked in concern, throwing his jacket over the back of the sofa.

 

“Uh, he’s not really talkin’ much right now.” Brian smiled and kissed Jonathan’s ear, swaying gently back and forth.

 

“He’s lost his voice? We have a show in, like, a week.” James bit his lip and put his hand on Jonathan’s shoulder.

 

“Nah,” Brian shook his head, “He can speak, he just don’t feel like it.” Against his shirt, he could feel Jonathan nodding as he spoke.

 

Reg eyed the couple suspiciously, making his way over to the counter to place down the bags. “Huh...” He gestured towards the open bottle of alcohol on the counter and mouthed at Brian, who quickly cut him off with a sharp hand movement and hard stare; not now.

 

In his true fashion, James was pretending to not be worried while clearly being exactly that, hovering close to Jonathan and playing with his hair. Brian had half a mind to tell him not to crowd him, but Jonathan didn’t seem to mind.

 

“You’re sure he’s okay? He seems... kinda different.” Reg tilted his head and folded his arms.

 

“He’s good, I swear. I’ll fill you in.” Brian sighed and smiled down at Jonathan, tucking his dreads behind his ear. “Might wanna s’down guys, it’s kinda a long story...”

Notes:

If a part two - with more of an exploration of gentle!Dom/sub as a coping mechanism, or potentially the guys interacting with full-on little!Jon if that’s the direction you wanna go in - would interest you guys, feel free to drop a comment and I’ll get right on it!

I now have links to my ‘work’ socials in my bio if you wanna DM me with any prompts or questions and as always, thank you for the support of my nonsense fanboy ramblings. All kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! :D