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Is That a Shrek Reference?

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"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. But she had an enchantment upon him of a fearful sort—which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love, and true love's first kiss."

A mocking laugh rang out through the walls of a decently sized cottage, "like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of-" the owner of the voice was cut off by hushed voices outside of his house. 'Oh, you've gotta be kidding me,' he thought angrily. Standing up, the footsteps of the boots on his feet echoed as he stomped over to a door.

"Think it's in there? All right. Let's get it!" One of the men said before he was stopped by his fellow comrades. "Whoa, hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?" One had asked, "yeah, he'll grind your bones for it's bread." Another stated. A rough laugh was heard from behind them, interrupting their conversation. They turned to see a man with pale skin and ashen blonde hair, eyes a deep crimson that could match the blood of the enemies he had taken down before–his clothes were as people thought they were; shirtless and his skin filled with scars. All he wore were dark pants, a large, worn out red cape with fluff at the shoulders that went along down his back, multi-colored necklaces that looked suspiciously like teeth was wrapped around his neck, and white boots that covered his feet. For wild beasts with no morals or hygiene, they seem to have a thing for littering themselves in accessories.

"Yes, well, actually—that would be a giant. Now, barbarians, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin." He started off in a threatening way, a sickening grin spreading across his features, "No!" One man cried out. "They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast." He continued taunting, inching closer and closer to the group with a menacing aura around him.

"Back! Back, beast! Back, I warn ya!" One man with a beard cried, waving around his lit torch in the blonde man's face. The other male didn't seem as bothered by it and hadn't retreated as they had thought he would, instead opting to put it out with a gloved hand. "Right." The male let out an explosion from his palm, not big enough to fatally hurt anyone, but just enough to send all of them flying back a few feet.

The barbarian stood proudly, staring at the group with a mocking look as they let out screams of terror and shock. Pathetic. "This is the part where you run away." He mentioned, motioning over to the path that lead back to where they came from. The men didn't need to be told twice as they did just that, never ceasing their shouts of distress.

The blond let out a laugh, watching them go off on their way, "and stay out, you fuckers!" He called out to them before looking down and swiping a sheet of paper that had fallen, reading over it. "Wanted: Dangerous Quirk Users." He read aloud, clicking his tongue in annoyance afterwards as he tossed it back to the ground and making his way back to his cottage.

——————

Many groups of people had been rounded up in a small area in the woods the next day, most of them appearing with unique looks and assets. A few had horns and tails, others had wings and different skin tones that didn't look at all natural, some had strange eyes and many had normal looks, but hidden within them were unnatural powers. Powers called quirks. Among them stood a deer, coat black and painted with a few green splotches. White dots littered his head and cheeks, following it up ran a straight path of spots that lead down his entire back, stopping at the tip of his fluffed up tail which was tucked in between his legs.

He looked nervous and anxious, flinching at every loud or sudden noise and subtly tugging at the rope that was securely wrapped around his neck to keep him from running. His emerald green eyes scanned his surroundings, watching and observing everyone who was loaded into transportation cells and the ones pulling them along with a cautious and curious gaze. Izuku was his name.

He turned to the man at his side who held the end of the rope in his clenched hand, looking up at him with pleading eyes, "please don't turn me in, I-I promise never to be stubborn a-again!" His quiet voice quivered as he spoke, flinching violently when a hand was raised, "oh, shut up!" The man, Hisashi, hisses angrily.

The young deer kept quiet after that, looking down at the ground with teary eyes. "Next!" A voice called out, startling him further. His handler pulled him along quite roughly, getting a small whimper in response.

"What have you got?" The head knight at the table asked with an uninterested tone. His "handler" put up a fake smile, "well, i've got one that can transform from human to a deer." He informed, tugging once at the rope. The knight grunted, "right. Well that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it." "Oh, go ahead, little fella. Prove you're actually human." Hisashi turned his attention over to the small, black deer who glanced away at the attention and stayed silent. "Well?" The knight asked impatiently. "O-oh, he's just- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox, rambling is one of his main qualities." Hisashi looked back at Izuku, fury in his eyes. "Talk, you boneheaded dolt-!" Once again, he rose his hand up to strike it down. "That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!" The knight called back.

"No, no, he talks! He does." Hisashi desperately assured, glancing over at Izuku before taking his chin in his hand and moving it, "I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw!" He said in a desperate attempt. "Get him out of my sight!" The other man announced, watching as two of them came over and apprehended the man. "No, no! I swear! Oh! He is human!" Hisashi shouted and kicked in his restraints, trying to free himself from the two mens' grip.

In his struggle, he had accidently kicked one of the small cages containing a fairy the size of a doll, knocking it over to where Izuku stood and spilling sparkling, pixie dust onto him. "A-ah, wait!" He cried in a panic, kicking at the air as he floated up, his hooves leaving the ground.

"He can fly!" Many quirk-users exclaimed in awe as they watched him go up, "he can talk!" The knight that was attending him before spoke in disbelief. "I-I- No, I-!" he stammered out, his heart beating wildly in his chest, thumping loudly in his ears like a rapid drum.

Izuku turned to kick away, only going so far as to get a few inches across before he proceeded to slowly descend back down, 'not good!' he thought as he dropped. "Cease him!" The man ordered, many guards following command. They lunged and tackled at him, Izuku luckily jumping and slipping away before he could fully get caught. He bucked off two or three men—he didn't know, and ran off into the woods.

They followed in suit, shouting and calling out to him as he sprinted. "crap, crap, crap!" He hissed under his breath, turning and twisting in an attempt to lose them, but to no avail, they kept track of him. He meant to look back for just a second, just to check and see if they were close behind, but in that time, he found himself ramming into someone's back.

With a loud grunt, he fell back, scattering to move away from whatever he ran into, only freezing when he saw that it was a man. Not a knight, thank god, but an angry man nonetheless—which was just as bad.

The blonde man glowered down at him, fiery eyes staring him down and into his cowering soul. Izuku didn't have time to apologize as he heard the sounds of faint footsteps coming closer to where he was, jumping up and hurrying behind the man despite his intimidating aura.

They all came up, out of breath and panting, some clutching their stomachs in pain. "You there!" The leader announced, "Blondie!"

"Hah?!" The angry man let out a warning sound, "b-by the order of Lord Mineta, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and..transport you to...a designated.... resettlement facility." The man in front trailed off as the blonde stalked closer, towering over him in both muscle and height. "Oh really? You and what army?" The stranger challenged, a dangerous smirk on his lips.

The knight turned back to see all of his men gone, immediately going into hysterics at the realization and running away with a shout. Izuku merely watched all of this go down with a look of wonder and awe, a small grin gracing his lips.

He turned to the tall male that now walked away and stood up, trotting after him. "Hey, you were really great back there! I didn't think there was anyone who would actually try to go up against the knights of the Lord himself, not even the bravest people I know would! Say, do you have a quirk? That must be why they tried to arrest you even if you had nothing to do with me. But how did they know? You look pretty normal to me! So if you do, what is your quirk? Is it something big or small? Judging by how they reacted, I'm guessing it's pretty powerful! And oh-" the man turned to look at him, anger back on his features.

"Who the fuck are you talking..." The blond stopped mid sentence as he found the spot where the annoying little shit was just at, empty, "to.." He grunted, whatever. At least he was gone now. He turned back—no, he was not going to admit that he had been startled—and recoiled.

In front of him stood a boy around his age smiling at him. He wasn't nearly as tone in muscle as he was, but he was somewhat fit. He had unruly green hair with black toning and freckles sprinkled across his round, tannish cheeks. He wore a buttoned vest up, green in color, also wearing a white, long, and cuffed sleeve undershirt, blue pants going down and forming into loose folds that tucked in hideous looking red shoes he had on and weird white gloves.

"Who the fuck are you?" The blond demanded, hands instinctively tensing. The latter tilted his head a bit in confusion, eyebrow arching for a moment before a look of realization formed up, his mouth forming in a little 'o', "I'm Izuku Midoriya! The deer you saved!" He proclaimed cheerily, his grin back.

The blond tsked, "Who the fuck names their kid Deku? Whatever, it suits someone like you." "Ehh!? No, no. Izuku. My name is Izuku." He corrected slowly. "That's what I fucking said, Deku. And I didn't save anyone! You just happened to cower behind me like a bitch for protection, which on your end luckily worked." The other didn't seem to take offense to his insult and shrugged, "I'll still take it. Man it feels good to be free!" Izuku sighed in relief.

"Great. Now, why don't you go fuck off and celebrate your freedom with your own loser friends? Hmm?" The blond grumbled as he continued stomping away, leaving behind the green-haired male. "But, uh...I don't have any friends.." Izuku said quietly, "and I'm not thinking of going out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're good at keeping your ground; you can scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us!" Izuku said excitedly.

The other stopped in his step and took a deep breath before turning around and roaring, letting out a few warning explosions in his hands as a way to get rid of the green menace. However, said boy blinked in response, unwavering at the action. "Oh, wow. That was really scary!" The blond took a step back, a look of disgust on his face. He rolled his eyes and proceeded on his journey, the other following. "So your quirk is explosion based? That's really cool! I wish my quirk was something like that. Mine is more of an emotional type, and being able to turn into a deer is not really that useful in a fight. But-But! I'm pretty good at hand-to-hand combat, so that must be useful for something right? Do you think we can practice together? You look like you can throw a great punch! Of course, that should be obvious, no?"

Again, the damn nerd was rambling again. God, does he ever shut up? "Why are you following me?!" He questioned angrily back to Izuku who stopped his muttering. "Oh, why? Well, I'm pretty much alone now. The only person who really ever took care of me wasn't doing much of a good job and now that I'm sure they hate me more than ever—and knights are now after me—I doubt they'd ever let me go back alive! Also-"

"Argh, stop talking! It's no fucking wonder you don't have any damn friends!" The blond exclaimed loudly as he harshly clasped a hand over Izuku's mouth and shoving him away from him. "Wow..Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest!" He said cheerily.

Fucking- "Listen, little twerp. Take a good damn look at me. What am I?" Izuku looked at him with confusion and hesitantly answered, "uh- Really tall?" "No! I'm a barbarian! You know. "Grab your damn torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that fucking bother you?!" The blond seethed. Izuku pursed his lips and shook his head, "Nope. I honestly couldn't tell!"

The blond retaliated in surprise but quickly went back to looking angry, "seriously?" "Yep! I like you. What's your name?" Izuku asked as he trailed after the blond who grunted as he walked over to a hill, "Katsuki Bakugou."

"Kacchan?" Izuku asked, causing the other to shout in protest, "what?! Fuck n-!" "Well, you know what I like about you, Kacchan? You have that kind of I-don't-care-what-people-think-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Kacchan. You're amazing and- oh! Look at that!" The greenette exclaimed with acknowledgment as he pointed at a worn-out cottage. "It looks so...unique? I wonder who lives there?" He wondered out loud.

"That would be my house, dumbass." Katsuki grumbled, pacing down the hill towards it. "Oh. It's a really lovely place you have here then! Just wonderful! You know you are quite a decorator. Hey, that boulder looks nice! Real nice." Izuku continued on with his compliments, smile all but faltering. "I guess you don't entertain much, do you?" He asked once they reached the bottom. "I like my privacy." Katsuki grumbled, not turning back to the other.

"Ah, you know, I do too. That may be another thing we have in common! Like, I don't like it when someone is in your face. You try to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence, you know?" The greenette paused for a moment, a pregnant silence filling the air. "Hey, can I stay with you, please?" He asked. "Hah?! What?!" Katsuki spun around, anger filling his eyes. "Can I stay with you, please?" Izuku pleaded once again, eyes growing bigger with hope. "Oh, of course!" The blonde retorted in a sarcastic tone, going undetected by the smaller one, "Really?" He gasped. "No." "Please! I don't want to go back there! People treat me like I'm a freak and don't look at me twice before deeming me worthless! On top of that, I already told you I have nowhere else to go. Please! Please!" Izuku resorted to begging now, desperation replacing his hope. The latter groaned frustratedly, finally caving in, "okay! Okay, dammit! But one night only, you fucker." "Wah! Thank you so much!" Izuku beamed brightly with gratitude just as the ash-blond opened his front door.

He waited until the other went in first, stepping inside once he had, "so, where would you like me to sleep? I can sleep on the couch if you'd like! Oh! Or maybe I could even sleep on the floor if that's not okay. It really shouldn't be much of a problem! I mean, it's not that much different from my past home-life, so I wouldn't really mind!"

The taller male clicked his tongue, "you sleep outside." Izuku flinched at that, "Oh, well. I guess that's fine. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. I understand." He replied with a watery smile, turning to walk out the door, "good night," he bid once out, drooping down on the porch when the door was slammed behind him without a second thought.

He sighed, "I mean, I should like the outdoors. I have a deer quirk, so the outside should be like a second home for me. This isn't really that bad! ...Oh, who am I kidding? I hate it out here. Oh well." Izuku defeatedly sighed as his body slowly morphed into that of a deer.

That night, Katsuki sat at his table, splayed out in front of him was his dinner that he had prepared perfectly. No way in hell would he stoop so low as to make something so simple as food so shitty. Only the best for him. He dug in to his meat, slicing a nice chunk and bringing it up to his mouth. However, he paused before he could take a bite and slammed his fork down when he heard slight clanking and movement in the house.

He pushed himself out of the chair and stomped over to the door, "I thought I fucking told you to stay outside!" Katsuki shouted, stopping when he saw Izuku's deer head pop out at that window, "but I am outside!" He retorted back, ducking down again.

Katsuki turned, confusion and anger on his face. He spotted the silhouette of a figure scurrying across the wall. He scowled and moved back over to where he had just been, only going so far when once again, the silhouette moved. He could hear the pattering of feet hitting the floor. Following that noise, he ducked under the table, hands tensing up to ready his quirk at any time.

Inspecting the underside of the table, he jolted up when he heard a voice speaking, "well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?" Katsuki stared right at a white mouse who wore glasses and carrying a cane, "it's not home, but it'll do just fine." Another mouse spoke, "what a lovely bed." There were three?! He tried grabbing at the one bouncing in his food, "you little-" he found nothing in his hand, and instead something on his shoulder, "hey I found some cheese." The third announced, biting at his ear, "Ow!" Katsuki grunted lowly, swiping once again at the mouse.

"Blah! Awful stuff." The mouse said, falling on a wooden spoon which launched grains of rice into the barbarian's face, fueling his anger. "Is that you, Gorder?" "How did you know?" "Enough! What are you doing in my house?" He demanded, finally grabbing a hold on the little pests that dared intrude.

Something harshly slammed into his back, causing him to drop the damn mice and turn to kill whatever hit him. Katsuki saw a coffin with a clear case being pushed onto his table by a bunch of tiny men, "hey! No, no, no. Dead broad off the table!" He exclaimed, pushing back against the coffin. "Well where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken." One of them spoke up. "Huh?!"

Katsuki moved into his bedroom and slammed the door, revealing a man with wolf ears laying on his bed, "what?" The man shrugged. This was the last straw, he grabbed the half-wolf man and dragged him to the door, "I live in a cottage. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying barbarian! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?!" He exclaimed as he threw the man out.  "Aah!" Katsuki froze and stared outside, eyes widening while his anger piled up. "Oh, no. No! No!"

There were people, many, many people. Most had mutant quirks, displaying themm all for the world to see while others were proudly and jokingly showing off emitter ones, laughter ringing out from the crowd. On his yard.

He ducked his head in time for witches to fly through. What the hell?! He didn't think they actually had flying brooms, believing they were just for laughs.

Katsuki stood, fist clenched and shaking, a snarl forming on his face. "What. Are you doing. In my swamp!? His demand echoed through the area. The mages and quirk users all stopped in place, looking at him in fear. "All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Move it you fuckers!" Katsuki exclaimed, shoving a few of the mages when they wouldn't move. A few little men ran around him and into his house, shutting the doors behind then.  "Hey! You little bastards!" He shouted after them, explosions going off. Katsuki turned back to the group, his eyes narrowing down at Deku. Said male glanced around and back to him, "Wha- Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them!" He said. "Well god, no one invited us." A guy with long black hair and a parmanent toothy grin spoke up, and- what are those elbows? "What?" Katsuki demanded, "We were forced to come here." The guy explained again. "By who?" the blonde growled. "Lord Mineta." A pig guys said with a German accent, "he huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice." He said.

Katsuki exasperatly sighed, rubbing between his eyes, "all right. Who knows where this Mineta guy is?" He asks with a glare.

Izuku looks around as no one goes to raise their hands, opting to choose someone else, with that, he morphs back to his human form as he brightens up, "Oh, I do! I know where he is!" He says excitedly. Katsuki deadpans at that and moves on, "Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?" Izuku raises his hand high, "but, I do!" "Anyone?!" "Come on, Kacchan! I know!"

Katsuki sighs again, looks like there's no way out of it. "Okay, fine! Attention, all of you extras! Do not get fucking comfortable, your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy "Mineta" right now and get you all off my land and back to hell where you came from!"

Everyone starts cheering at that, not giving much though to the insult he gave, instead looking at the positive. He glares down at the green male in front of him, "you." He points. Izuku blinks, "huh?" "You're comin' with me, fucker." Katsuki glowers.

The other only smiles, not finding his expression at all threatening, "all right, that's what I like to hear! Kacchan and Izuku, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! This will be my first journey ever, my father never let me go out in public on my own, or rarely ever so I'm kind of excited, as you could probably tell. Oh! What about you? Have you've ever travelled anywhere before, if so what was it like? What do you think this, "Mineta" guy even looks like? What are we suppose to look out for? Do you think-" He was cut off by Katsuki turning back to him, "what did I say about talking, idiot?!" He shouted and continued walking. "Can I mutter?" "No." "Can I hum then?" Katsuki rolled his eyes in annoyance, this guy was just too much. "Fine, whatever. Just keep it to yourself." "Of course, Kacchan!"

Chapter Text

Faint footsteps echoed through the dark castle as they matched forward until two large doors were loudly slammed opened in their wake. The owner of those footsteps was a rather small man, the ruler of the kingdom to be exact, on his head lay four purple balls for his hair which were covered by a red beret as a replacement for a crown. Though he may not look much and unappealing, he rules with an iron fist and cares for no one but himself and women.

He's tried to court many but no matter his attempts, they always turned a blind eye at him before he could even do anything. But hey, what do you expect when in every encounter with one you walk up to the lady and call her by, "hey you, woman."

As of now, he watches on at the scene splayed in front of him as one his men had a blonde man strapped to a table and repeatedly pinched him with battery clamps on his hands, electricity rippling through him everytime they were brought down. They didn't effect him as you would think though, he could handle a lot of it, but if they were to continue for too long then he'd be reduced to nothing but a fried brain and disfunctional.

"That's enough. He's ready to talk," The lisp apparent in the Lord's voice echoed through the room with authority. The man, Kaminari panted, twitching every now and then from the many shocks. Lord Mineta laughed aloud as he approached him, "My, Kaminari. Fancy meeting you here in my humble abode," he chuckled darkly. "You always were the easiest to trick and capture." Kaminari glared at the small man with deep hatred. "You're a monster." He spoke lowly and out of breath. "I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of those quirk trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others!?" Mineta demanded, slamming a hand against a table. "Beat me!" Kaminari spat at him.

Mineta grunted at the action and scowled, "I've tried to be fair to you beasts. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll-" He reached over to remove one of the many buttons from his beige vest, no doubt about to ruin the clothing to it. "No, no, not the buttons. Not my buttons! This vest is one of a kind!" The blond pleaded.  -All right then. Who's hiding them?" Mineta asks again. Kaminari sighed, "Okay, I'll tell you."

"Do you know the muffin man?" "The muffin man?" Mineta questions. "The muffin man." The blond confirms

"Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?"

"Well, she's married to the muffin man."

"The muffin man?"

"The muffin man!" Kaminari cries.

"She's married to the muffin man," the Lord muses. Suddenly, the doors are busted open as a knight bursts through, "My lord! We found it," he announced. Mineta's mood seemed to brighten at that as he grinned, "Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in!"

With a grunt, a heavy object was placed down as a loud thud bounced off the walls. The men in the room took a step back to admire it as the cloth covering it was removed, revealing a mirror. A grey, floating face appeared a second later, receiving gasps of awe and surprise.

"Magic mirror," Lord Mineta whispered as he reached a hand out to it, "don't tell him anything-! No!" Kaminari was cut off as his head was engulfed by a sack to prevent him from speaking any longer and muffling his words. Mineta turned back to the mirror and again, his mood returning back to being pleased, stepping forward to now stand in front of it. "Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?" He asks confidently.

The mirror answers cautiously, "well, technically you're not a king." Mineta merely raised an eyebrow, "Uh, Thelonius." He turned to his executioner who immediately lifted a smaller mirror up and smashed it with a swift punch. Mineta looked at mirror with a sick smile, "you were saying?"

"What I mean is, you're not a king yet," the man in the mirror stammered with a nervous laugh. "But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a royal." "Go on," Mineta encouraged. "Soo, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible choices. And heeerre they are!" The first image shown was shadowy looking lady standing in the center of the image. "Choice number one is an elegant and fairly smart lady from a kingdom far, far away. She likes books and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include reading and learning new things. And all though she may be one, she certainly prefers being a knight more." The picture flipped revealing the image of a girl with raven hair pulled up in a pony tail standing straight with her hands clasped together, a gentle smile on her face, revealing the figure as– "Please welcome, Momo Yaoyorozu!" Mineta crossed his arms, seeming to be looking more intrigued as he went on.

"Choice number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she's pretty friendly and nice, she's not easy. Just say the right words around her and you won't get a chopping to the neck and find out what a live wire she is." Shown in the mirror is what looked like a girl posing in what looked like a fighting stance. "Come on. Give it up for Itsuka Kendo!" He displayed the picture of her again, this time a much clearer version of it, showing an orange-haired girl with a side pony tail and green eyes glaring confidently ahead.

"And last, but certainly not least, choice number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. A loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain." the last image was the silhouette of someone looking out of a window, the images next was of the dragon with split red and white scales parted through the middle that guarded the dark castle. The next image showed the same person with long red hair perching their head up with their hand, boredom evident in their face as if they were waiting for something. Yours for the rescuing, Eijiro Kirishima! So will it be choice number one, choice number two or choice number three?" The mirror questioned as he skimmed through the options.

The men in the room shouted answers to Mineta of twos, threes, and ones. The short male seemed to be having trouble picking, looking a bit troubled at having to pick just one, he shuddered in frustration before making a decision, "Okay, okay, uh, number three!"

The mirror nodded, "Lord Mineta, you've chosen, Eijiro Kirishima." He showed her image again, this time keeping it up for him to examine

"Eijiro Kirishima," He whispered fondly She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go–" "oh, well then I probably should mention the little thing about Kirishima–" "I'll do it." Mineta cut him off, "yes, but Kirishima is–" his warning was again cut off. "Silence! I will make this Eijiro Kirishima my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament!"

———

"That's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told you I'd find it!" Izuku exclaimed as they made it through a large field and into the clearing. Katsuki looked up at the large building in front of them and grumbled, "so, that must be Lord Mineta's castle."

Izuku nodded with a dorky smile, hand folded behind his back, "uh-huh. That's the place." "Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?" Katsuki spoke smugly with a bark of a laugh and grin, crossing his arms. Izuku only tilted his head as he looked up, not entirely understanding the joke. Katsuki sighed and moved forward, not waiting for the other to follow, which he didn't have to as he did anyway.  "Hey, wait. Wait up, Kacchan!"

They walked up to a person with a Mineta man suit, something that looked a bit unnerving. "Hey, you!" Katsuki called out to him, a threatening look crossing his face. The guy looked over and screamed, starting to try and run from the advancing barbarian. "Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you!" Katsuki tried to reason as best as he could without snapping, "I just– I just–" the guy didn't seem to listen and only continued, whimpering and squeaking as Katsuki got even closer, going through the blue rope barriers instead of around.

The man ran forward still, only stopping when he was knocked back by a wall in his way. Izuku followed behind Katsuki as they looked at the man and then to the entrance of what looked like a town. Katsuki moved first pushing through the turnstiles with ease as they cluttered. Behind him, Izuku had a bit of trouble pushing through as he was not as strong as Katsuki was.

He chuckled nervously when Katsuki looked back at him with an annoyed look on his face. He pushed as hard as he could once again and fell forward with a grunt when they finally gave in, the blond only rolling his eyes at the scene. "Come on, dumbass."

They walked side-by-side to the center, looking around at the empty area. "It's quiet," Katsuki spoke, breaking the eerie silence. "Too quiet. Where is everyone?"

Izuku noticed something near one of the buildings and ran over, "Hey, look at this!" He pulled a lever that was at the side and moved back as it made clicking and whirring noises, spooked, his ears grew longer and deer like, a fluffy green and white tail growing out from behind him as he scrambled to hide behind Katsuki.

The thing's doors opened up and revealed little puppet dolls hidden inside, their  wide, mouths and beady eyes boring into their souls as they began to sing and dance. "Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face! DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is a perfect place!" With that, the doors shut and hid them once again. The sound of a camera shutter went off and brought the two back from their shock.

"Wow! Let's do that again!" Izuku gushed, already moving to pull the lever again. "No. No. No, no, no! No." Katsuki stopped him and firmly held him back by the tail as it and his ears began to shrink into nothing once more.

Trumpets blared their fanfare as crowds of people began cheering for something, bringing their attention to that now. They walked into the entrance of a large arena, many citizens sitting at the sidelines in stands as they watched and cheered from afar while knights were at the bottom of the arena. "Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom!" A lisped voice announced from the top of the castle. "That champion shall have the honor– no, no– the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Eijiro Kirishima from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. Let the tournament begin!"

Katsuki glared at his surroundings and pushed through the knights in his way, "move it, extras." Horrified gasps rang out as they finally noticed the barbarian and green man following alongside. "Oh! What is that? It's hideous!" Lord Mineta exclaimed as he cringed in disgust.

Katsuki blinked up at him unamused, "ah, that's not very nice. He's just a traveler." He gestured towards Izuku who recoiled and looked at him with betrayal.

Mineta didn't seem to find that humorous, "Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the beast will be named champion Have at him!" With the new challenge, the men all turned their weapons to the two quirk users, backing them up to a large barrel.

"Oi, hey! Calm your asses! Hang on." Katsuki snarled, they ignored him and thrusted their swords and Lance's towards them, "Go ahead! Get him!"

Katsuki turned and picked up a mug oon the table beside him, "can't we just settle this over a pint?" He lifted it up, waiting for the best moment, "Kill the beast!"

"No? All right then." Katsuki chugged the drink until the mug was empty, "come on you fuckers!" With a dangerous grin, he smashed it down onto the spigot of the barrel, breaking it and letting the liquid gush out like a geyser. It hit the soldiers head on and pushed them to the ground as the battle began.

Katsuki picked up a spear and slid along the now wet ground, maneuvering around and bringing down the ones that had yet to fall victim to the drink with it.

All the while, Izuku stepped up on one of the large barrels as knights surrounded him. Eyes shining, he grinned. How exciting! He began kicking his legs backwards, rolling the barrel with his feet to the ground and into the men who had the unfortunate luck to be at the bottom of it.

He crashed through several others that had no time to move out of the way, squashing them into the muddy ground.

Katsuki watched with a smirk, "heh, so the guy really does have spunk, eh?" He returned back to his own battle and ran to a much smaller arena, much like the ones wrestlers use and jumped in, waiting for his opponents to enter as he stretched back against the ropes.

Once close enough, he released his hold and flew into them, knocking them down in his path. The crowd booed at the scene, which he did not pay attention to.who cares about a bunch of extras!

He brought down another one with his legs in a headlock, then another two that got a bit too close with his explosions. He turn to a knight coming up from behind at the last second and took his lance out of his arms.

He took the brief distraction to go behind and hold him in place by the underside of his shoulders. Izuku—who had been watching in rapture from the side—called out to him, "tag me! Tag me!"

Katsuki glanced at him and brought the soldier over, letting Izuku reel his head back and slam it hard against his, watching the man go limp in the barbarians arms as the freckled male shook his head to get rid of the buzz fluttering from the aftermath with a grin.

The crowd now turned to cheers, egging on the two and their now victorious streak.

Katsuki roared with them, standing at the top of the ropes and flexing, motioning for them to continue. He twisted around and looked at the approaching knight behind him and gave him a smirk before he jumped on him, kicking him to the ground before he could do anything.

"The chair! Give him the chair! A lady from the stands cried excitedly, just as Katsuki brought one out and slammed it on the back of one armoured man.

The barbarian continued his victory, blasting a few, kicking, punching, slamming, twisting, and tackling them all to the ground until there was only one left.

With that, he lifted him in the air and spun him a few times to torment him, cackling as he tossed him the side when Izuku took advantage of and knocked him out with a finishing kick from the space between the ropes, laughing in triumph as he did so.

Katsuki howled with confidence cheering along with the crowd of citizens as they praised him and his companion while Izuku raised his chin up high to them, baring his teeth in a bright and proud smile.

Suddenly, cross bows were being pointed at the two, ready to shoot at any given moment as gasps rang out in shock from around them. Katsuki and Izuku stopped and froze in place, the barbarian glaring up at Lord Mineta.

A knight leaned down to talk to him, "shall I give the order, sir?" Mineta raised a hand and waved him off, "no, I have a better Idea," He smirked. "People of DuLoc! I give you, our champions!" He announced and raised his arms up high.

"What?" Katsuki deadpanned, looking confused as he looked to the side and back again. "Congratulations, barbarian. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest!"

"Quest? I'm already on a quest! A quest to get my land back!" Katsuki shot back. "You're land?" "Yeah! My land. My swamp; where you dumped those quirk users!" He growled.

Mineta paused for a moment and looked him up and down with a blank face, "indeed. Alright, barbarian. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back." Katsuki looked at him skeptically, "exactly the way it was?"

"Down to the last slime covered toad," the short male confirmed. "And the squatters?" Katsuki asks again. "As good as gone."

"We may not have a choice." He heard Izuku whisper beside him as he glanced from one side of the arena to the other, noting that the men were still pointing their arrows at them. Katsuki was silent for a moment before answering, "what kind of quest?"

——

Izuku and Katsuki walk through a field of sunflowers that lead away from DuLoc while Katsuki bit into an onion that he chose as a snack. "So, let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Mineta will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of quirk users in the first place. Is that about right?" Izuku asks as he treads through the flowers, pushing them away from hitting his face. "You know, maybe there's a good reason you don't have any friends," Katsuki replies with a scowl.

"I don't get it. Why don't you just pull one of those tricks you did with those other knights. Ya know, threaten them with your explosions, intimidate them—fight maybe. I mean, you had no trouble doing that at first."

Katsuki sighed heavily, "Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?"

Izuku cringed, "uh, no, not really, no. That's not at all what I want."

Katsuki rolled his eyes, "For your information, there's a lot more to barbarians than people think." Izuku tilted his head, eyes gleaming with curiosity, "Example?"

"Example? Okay, um, barbarians are like onions." He held out the onion in his hand as Izuku narrowed his eyes at it, not yet getting it and sniffed, "they stink?"

"Yes—No!" Izuku hummed, "They make you cry?" Katsuki hissed, "No!"

"You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sprouting little white hairs," Izuku listed off again. "No! Layers! Onions have layers. Barbarians have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers." He heaves a sigh after throwing the onion to the ground and then walks off, leaving Izuku behind to trail after him.

"Ooh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, onions aren't the best comparison, not everyone desires onions. Cake! Lots of people like cakes. Cakes have layers," Izuku spoke. "I don't care—! What everyone likes. Barbarians are not like cakes," Katsuki retorted. Izuku chose to ignore him, "you know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait," Parfaits are delicious."

Katsuki roared in his face, "no! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Barbarians are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later," He stomped off again. Izuku stood for a minute before going back to his cheery mood, "Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet."

"You know, I think I preferred your stupid humming," Katsuki grumble. "Do you have a tissue or something? I think i'mma make a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start salivating."

Their conversation trails off as they began their new journey, going through different terrains, through day and night and how they handle it.

Katsuki and Izuku walked up to the fiery mountain, that on top is where the castle is located. Izuku sniffed the air as he smallest something pungent, wrinkling his nose in disgust. He cursed having such a strong sense of smell, "egh, Kacchan? Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything."

Katsuki scoffed, "Believe me, Deku. If it was me, you'd be dead," Katsuki took in a breath next, "it's brimstone. We must be getting close." Izuku mouthed out a quiet, "oh." At the new information, "good to know! I never knew brimstone smelled so bad."

They stepped up and grabbed onto the edge of the volcanic mountain, lifting themselves up to peak over. Lava filled their vision as it exploded and flowed under a long bridge that lead to the castle. Katsuki glanced at Izuku, "Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location." His laugh turns to a groan as he made his way to the bridge. Izuku is cautious when he moves forward, stopping near a pile of bones that belonged to a sort of animal as ears and a tail started to reappear, "Uh, Kacchan? Um, remember when you said barbarians have layers?" Katsuki grunted, "yeah." 

He gulped, "Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. I don't have layers. I wear my fear right out there on my sleeves. Quite literally since I transform into a deer whenever I am so hiding it is inevitable."

Katsuki rose an eyebrow, "You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. You literally fought a group of knights back there like it was nothing." Izuku squawcked, "wha– That was different! And no, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!"

"Come on, Deku. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time." Katsuki assures sweetly—a little too sweetly. It was almost sickening to be honest.

But he trusted him anyways, what was the harm, right? "Really?" Izuku stepped forward hesitantly and onto the bridge. "Really, really."

Izuku breathes shakily, his steps weak and clumsy, "Okay, that makes me feel so much better." Katsuki grunted, "Just keep moving. And don't look down." He takes another deep breath, "Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down." Izuku steps through a rotting board without realizing and does end up looking straight down into the lava. And in that instant, he's a full deer now.

"Kacchan! I'm looking down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please!" Izuku pleads as he turns and looks up at Katsuki, his stance low to the ground. "But you're already halfway, idiot!" "But I know that half is safe!" Izuku retorts.

Katsuki sighs, frustrated, "Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back," He walk forward. "Kacchan, no! Wait!" Izuku tries reasoning with him, though not getting anywhere with him. "Just, Deku– Let's have a dance then, shall me?" Katsuki bounces and begins to sway the bridge, smirking as if it was the best thing he's ever thought of. "Don't do that!" Izuku squeals. "Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?" He bounces the bridge again, causing him to move back even more, "Yes, that!"

"Yes? Yes, do it. Okay." He continues to torment him into backing up as Izuku tries not to burst into tears, "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Kacchan, I'm gonna die!" He doesn't realize that he had stepped onto solid ground until he looks down, "Oh!"

Katsuki leans over and pats his snout, "That'll do, Deku. That'll do." He walks towards the castle, Izuku sighs in relief, "Cool." He could feel himself starting to revert back to being human. "So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?" 

"Inside, waiting for us to rescue her." Katsuki chuckles crudely. "I was talking about the dragon, Kacchan." They made it into the castle, looking around and taking in the dark atmosphere. "Are you afraid?" Izuku asks in a whisper, his body was now human but he still had his tail, ears, and face. 

Katsuki scrunched his face up, that looks so weird. "No, but—Shh!" He hushed sharply. "Oh, good. Me neither," Izuku sees a skeleton and gasps in horror at the sight and begins to go in another one if his rants, "because there's nothin' wrong with being afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck am no coward. I know that," He tries to comfort himself just as he rams into a skeleton with armor, creating a loud crash and thud.

"Deku, two things, okay? Shut. up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs." Katsuki orders, picking up the helmet that fell on his own head. "Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess?" Izuku question, getting up on wobbly feet. "The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower." Katsuki answers. "What makes you think she'll be there?" Izuku asks again. "I read it in a book once." "Cool. You handle the dragon, I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going." He hypes himself up as he walks off.

He makes it to an empty room as he is still talking to himself while he looks around the room. "I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it." He doesn't notice the giant grey eye peering at him until it's too late.

Katsuki spotted a light in the tallest tower window, concluding that that must be where he should go, "Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the..."

"Dragon!" He hears Izuku scream as he runs, the dragon roaring behind him. Katsuki managed to grab Izuku out of the way just as the dragon breathes fire and then...Ice? "Deku, look out!" he manages to get a hold of the dragons tail and holds on while it was distracted by Izuku. "Got ya, you lizard bastard!" He taunts.

The dragon, now enraged, flicks it's tail and Katsuki goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the tallest tower.

There, the person inside wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying on the floor.

While that occurs, Izuku flees and tries to escape, but is stopped by the dragon again.
"Oh! Aah!" He shrieks as he gets cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small part of the bridge he's on. "No. Oh, no, No!" He falls back on his ass as he cowers away, the dragon roaring again and bearings it's fangs. "O-oh, what large teeth you have!" the dragon growls. Shit. He'll try flattery then, if that'll do anything for him that is. "I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you have there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're– oh." The dragon shifts down into the light, revealing it's two different colors on each side, his left red while his right is white, the eyes having the same effect. They were bright and shining, narrowing their sight down at him and staring him down with a sharp gaze.

They were almost human-like.

It was intriguing, nothing he's ever seen before. And, it's just— "beautiful." He gasps, not meaning to say it out loud but there it was out of his mouth. The dragon recoiled and tilted it's head, blinking owlishly at him before it leaned back down and sniffed, taking in his scent, "w-what's wrong? Do-do I smell bad? I-I haven't really showered so I mean-" he was cut off by a puff of smoke being blown at him and then frost replacing the heat. His eyes fluttered at the sudden action, "ah! O-oh. You have ice too? Ohh, that-that explains a lot! Haha." He chuckled nervously. The dragon Huffs, almost as if it were laughing. Huh.

The dragon then proceeds to pick him up by his tail that was still there with it's teeth and carried him off. Shit! Well, it honestly didn't really hurt actually...it was a surprise that something so sharp could be so gentle. It was kinda...Relaxing.

Wait, what was he thinking?! He needed help! "Ah! Kacchan! Kacchan! Kacchan!" He called out of his friend, hoping he'd hear him before he was eaten.

——

In the room, Katsuki groaned as he got up off the floor. His back was towards the red hair so they took it to their advantage to clean themselves up, straightening their robe and lying back down on the bed. Though, they sat up to quickly reached over and for the bouquet of flowers off the side table before finally laying back down and acting as if they were still asleep. Katsuki turned, noticing the body and registering he had landed in the castle. He jumped up and went over to the person, staring down for a moment as they prepared to pucker their lips.

Katsuki takes them by the shoulders though, and shakes them awake. "Oi" The person shrieked as they were shook. "Wake up!" Katsuki snapped. "What?" "Are you Eijiro Kirishima?" Katsuki asks impatiently. "I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me," Eijiro replies with a slight grin. "Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!" Katsuki barks. "But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?" Eijiro recites behind him as he falls back with a hand on his forehead. "Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time." Katsuki says as he grabs onto Eijiro and pulls him along. "Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed– hold on did you say la–"

Katsuki interrupted, "You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?" Eijiro looks a bit sheepish as he smiles, "Mm-hmm."

Katsuki breaks the lock on his door and pulls him out and down the hallway. "But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!" Eijiro grunts as they run. "I don't think so," Katsuki replies.

"Can I at least know the name of my champion?" Eijiro asks placing a hand on his chest. "Ugh, Katsuki Bakugou," He says begrudgingly.

"Sir Bakugo," he clears his throat and offers a handkerchief that he holds out to him. "I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude." Katsuki takes it, and glances at him with blank eyes, "Thanks." He wipes the upper part of his face that was uncovered by the helmet. As he hands it back, they suddenly hear the dragon roar echo.

"You didn't slay the dragon!?" Eijiro cries. "It's on my to-do list. Now come on!" He takes off running and drags Eijiro behind him. "But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did."

Katsuki snorts, "yeah, right before they burst into flame." Eijiro groans, "That's not the point." Katsuki abruptly stops in place, Eijiro running into him for it. "Oi!" Shrek ignores her and instead heads for a wooden door off to the side. "Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there," Eijiro gestures to the door. "Well, I have to save my ass."

"What kind of knight are you?" Eijiro crosses his arms. Sarcastically, he answers, "One of a kind." He opens the door into the throne room and sees the dragon from before along with it's tail curled around Izuku, not in a strangling way though, but a sort of...Comforting way?

"Ah, haha. This is a...nice place you have here ya know? Lots of– lots of jewels and gold here. Very pretty. I've only ever seen this stuff with rich people! You know? Ahem, uhh. I'm not sure if you even understand what I'm saying but uhh, I hope you do? I-I mean. It'd be pretty embarrassing if I were talking to myself here...Even if I uh do that myself a lot. Hahaha..." Izuku rambles as he scratches the nape of his neck. Katsuki rolls his eyes at his rambling, of course he'd be like this. But while he was annoyed by him, the dragon seemed as if it were living for it, staring down at Izuku with dreamy eyes and what looked like a dopey smile. "Soo, you have two powers? That's pretty cool! Uhh, why is that? I mean- not trying to be rude or anything! I think it's really cool and all, but I've never heard of such a thing before. It must be very useful. And it effects your appearance too, that's amazing. All I can do is turn to a deer if I'm feeling something negative, it sometimes affects my appearance too, but it just changes my physical features a little—as you could probably tell right now—but uhh...I'm not sure that's impressive." He grinned sheepishly up at the dragon and shrunk into himself as if expecting it to judge him for it, but it merely cooed down at him, leaning forward to nuzzle against him.

It didn't notice Katsuki swinging from the chandelier above it, attempting to kick ever oblivious reptile. He missed, but swung back, his grip loosening as he fell straight down and against Izuku, pushing him out of the way. The male grunted as he landed on the treasure below, pushing himself up to look at Katsuki. The dragon nuzzled against his back, not  yet realizing that it was not who it was originally going for.

It roared angrily when it opened it's eyes again and reeled back to see Katsuki. The hovering chandelier had dropped and fell over it's head and slid down until it clung to their long neck as a collar. It roars again and Katsuki grabs Izuku to take off running, he makes it back to Eijiro and grabs him too on his way, "Hi there!" Izuku greets the new person. Eijiro lifts a hand up, "you said ass? Is this who you were referring to? Seems more like a deer to me and not at all an ass."

Katsuki huffs as he continues to run, "whatever, same thing." They all start screaming as the dragon gains pace on them. Katsuki spots a descending slide and jumps on to get a quicker escape, unfortunately there was a crack in the stone which hit dead on right in the groin. His eyes cross in pure pain as he reaches the bottom of the slide, he stumbles off and walks lightly to try and shake the pain off. "Argh!" He groans.

Katsuki gets them close to the exit and sets them both down. "Okay, you two idiots, head for the exit! I'll take care of this bastard." He grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the castle while they do as told, no matter how much they wanted to help. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping chain links   that are attached to the chandelier which is still around the dragons neck. Katsuki turns to run again, trying to outrun the rampaging beast. "Run!" They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons breathes fire and ice in it's last attempt to stop them, it reaches the bridge and both burns and freezes it, breaking and turning it to ash in seconds. They all hung on for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse and they are swung to the other side.

Izuku's hold weakens as he slips, yelping in pain as he was only saved by Katsuki hanging onto his tail from falling into the fiery abyss. As he hung upside down they look in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to get them, though the chandelier with the chain jerked the dragon back, preventing it from getting to them any further. It clawed and pulled at it, trying in vain to detach the thing off.

They climb quickly to safety as the dragon looks entirely enraged, smoke and frost escaping it's nose with every heavy breath taken, but then it's expression drops in pure anguish as it gives a sad whimper and then a pitiful cry and screech as it watches them make their escape.