“Stop, Mulder,” Scully said quietly, placing her hand on his knee. He sighed and shifted in his seat, halting his leg from bouncing.
“Sorry,” he whispered and she nodded with a sigh.
They were at the doctor’s office, waiting to see if the IVF had been successful. The chances were slim, he knew that and so did she, but neither wanted to admit it or voice it out loud.
“Dana Scully?” called a voice. They both turned to see a nurse smiling at them.
“Right here,” she said, standing up and setting down the magazine in her hands. She stepped toward the nurse and stopped, turning back to look at him. “Come on.”
“Oh. I didn’t… you want me…?”
“Do you not want to come?”
“No, I do,” he said, louder than he intended as he stood up. She smiled and walked toward the nurse with him following.
His heart was pounding and his palms felt sweaty, as he listened to them chat. How she could be so calm when he felt hyper aware of everything, was beyond him.
Today was the two week mark from the day of the embryo transfer. Scully had been off work, resting and waiting for this moment. They had spent many nights catching up on paperwork, sharing dinners and watching movies. The time they spent together had been enjoyable, but he had seen the IVF books on her coffee table and the pamphlets from the doctor, as they sat like a herd of elephants in her living room.
“Here we are,” the nurse said cheerfully, showing them into the room. He walked in, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath.
“So, you’ll need to do a urine test and then come back here to wait for the doctor. Here is the sample cup and I can show you to the bathroom.” The nurse handed Scully the cup and she nodded.
Taking off her coat, she laid it on the exam table. Glancing at Mulder, she smiled with a heavy sigh and left the room.
His mouth went dry and he stumbled into the table as he lurched forward. This was it. This test would show if all the worry and stress had been worth it.
God, he hoped so. He would have even prayed, if he believed in it.
Pacing the room, he waited for her to return, rubbing his hand across his face. Finally, he heard the door open and she walked over to him.
“This is it,” she said quietly and he saw tears in her eyes. “Whatever happens, Mulder, thank you. Thank you for…”
“My contribution?’ he joked, clenching his jaw.
“Yes,” she said seriously, touching his arm. “There is no one else I would have even considered asking.”
“Not even Skinner?” He tried another joke needing to break the heavy seriousness.
“Mulder,” she whispered, shaking her head and wrapping her arms around him, burying into his chest. She sighed as he held her tightly, his eyes closed. “A baby with Skinner would have always been bald.”
He laughed softly and felt her exhale a laugh against him. They held each other, both worrying, but neither of them saying anything as they waited.
“How long until you... we know?” he asked softly.
Sighing, she stepped back and wiped her eyes. “It’s just a test to determine hormone levels. If it shows high levels, then they will test me again in a few days to see if it continues. Then a blood test and an ultrasound.”
“What? I thought… This isn’t the test?”
“Well, yes and no,” she said, smiling and clasping her hands together. “It’s the first step. If this is a positive, then the other tests will continue. If not, well…” she closed her eyes and sighed. Opening them, she smiled slightly and he pulled her to him again, saying nothing, but holding her close.
A knock at the door caused them to jump and break apart, staring at each other with hopeful eyes.
“Hello, Dana,” said the doctor, not one Mulder had seen before, nor had Scully it seemed, as the doctor stuck out her hand and introduced herself. “I’m Dr. Connor. Dr. Williams had an emergency and was called away.” Scully shook her hand and turned to Mulder.
“My partner, Fox Mulder,” she said, gesturing to him. He shook the doctor's hand and she smiled at him.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you both. Would you like to have a seat?” Neither of them moved and she nodded. “I understand. Well, let me ease your worries.”
As she opened the folder in her hand, Scully reached for his hand, and held tightly to it.
The doctor smiled as she read the file, before looking up at them with a happy nod and Scully let out a sobbing breath. Anything else the doctor said, sounded like a buzzing in his ears, as he was unable to think of anything besides the doctor’s happy smile and the sound of Scully’s sob.
It had worked.
She was pregnant.
More tests were done over the next couple of weeks and every one of them continued to be positive. He came to every test, at her request, never wanting to push in if she did not want him there.
The day of her first ultrasound, they both cried as they saw the gestational sac; proof that they had indeed succeeded in creating a child together. Hearing the heartbeat a week later, had led to the technician offering him a chair, claiming he had gone white as a sheet. Scully laughed through her tears, unable to take her eyes off of the screen.
Now at four months along, she had made it through the first trimester, and she was doing incredibly well. She had been off work more often, their caseload lighter, as he had made sure to stay in town, close to her doctors.
Calling him on Thursday night, she asked him to come over for dinner the next evening. As he got ready, he felt nervous, knowing why she wanted him to come over. He had been expecting it, but it was still going to hurt.
Sighing, he grabbed the package with the gift he had purchased for the baby and something for Scully. He sighed as he closed his door and locked it, preparing himself for the discussion he knew they were going to have, including the one he himself wanted to discuss.
Arriving at her door, he took a nervous breath and knocked three times, keeping his hands behind his back he hid the gift from sight. She opened the door with a large smile and he grinned back despite his nervous stomach.
“Come in. The food is almost ready. Do you want a drink? There’s beer and wine,” she said, turning around and walking into the kitchen. He closed the door and followed her, setting the gift on a chair.
“I don’t need a drink, but thank you,” he said, as he walked over to see what she was cooking. “It smells good.”
“Fettuccine Alfredo, garlic bread, and chocolate pudding.” He looked at her in surprise and she laughed. “I was really craving pudding. Like really craving it. I...I may have had some already.” She bit her lip and he laughed.
“It all sounds great,” he said, rubbing her back. “Can I do anything?”
“You could set the table,” she suggested and he smiled, ready to do her bidding.
A few minutes later, they sat down to enjoy their meal. He watched her and for the first time, understood what people meant when they said a pregnant woman glowed.
Scully was always beautiful, always, but since she became pregnant, it was as though a light had been lit inside of her. Her eyes shined and she smiled more easily and more often.
She put her hand on her stomach, subconsciously rubbing at it, and it made him smile. She deserved this happiness more than anything. He was proud to be the one who helped to give her that happiness, but he wanted more. He wanted to be involved more, but did not know how to tell her. He was sure she would not want that from him.
He offered to wash the dishes when they were finished with the meal, suggesting she relax on the couch. She declined, grabbing a dish towel to dry the dishes he washed. The leftovers were put away and she took out the pudding, setting the bowls on the table. She sat down as he grabbed two spoons and sat beside her.
“Thank you,” she said, eating a spoonful. “God, it’s so good. I have never craved chocolate pudding before. Yesterday, I drank orange juice as if my life depended on it. I like orange juice, but not to the extent I drank it yesterday.” She smiled and he laughed.
They were quiet as they ate their dessert. Her finger started tapping on the bowl and he knew she was getting ready to tell him what he did not want to hear.
“Mulder…” she said with a sigh. “This isn’t easy and I…” She looked at him and he smiled, putting a hand over hers and squeezing.
“I know what you’re going to say, Scully. How could I not?” She sighed and turned her hand over to hold his in her own.
“I don’t want to say it, but I need to,” she whispered with another sigh. Looking at him, she squeezed his hand and tried to smile.
“Scully, you’re leaving, that’s not a great surprise,” he said softly.
“We didn’t discuss this,” she whispered.
“No, but I know we both thought about it,” he said.
“We didn’t discuss a lot of things before this actually,” she whispered again and he laughed, causing her to smile.
“Us? Not discuss something? Doesn’t sound like us,” he teased and she scratched her chin with a sad smile. “Scully…”
“I hoped it would work,”she said, her hand going to her stomach. “Prayed it would, but…” Sbe shook her head and he squeezed her hand. “We didn’t talk about the possibilities in the future if it did work.”
“So let’s talk about it now, yeah?” He suggested and she smiled.
Making a cup of tea, they sat at the table and looked at each other, the chocolate pudding forgotten for now.
“You can’t continue working on The X-Files, Scully, that goes without saying,” he said with a sigh. “The job is stressful enough for us without worrying over the safety for the baby. If anything happened to you or the baby… I would never forgive myself.”
She grasped his hand and they both held tightly as she took a deep breath to stop her tears. He squeezed and laughed softly and she looked at him. He shook his head and looked into her eyes.
“Of all the reasons for you to finally leave that basement, this is the best and happiest of them.” She stared at him, no laughter in her eyes.
“Mulder…” she sighed. “I didn’t have a thought to leave. I love this job, I love the challenges, the cases we solve, working with you…” She squeezed his hand and sighed, shaking her head.
“And look at what it’s gotten you,” he whispered, looking away from her, shaking his head in anger. “You lost so much, Scully. So much. Because of my…”
“Mulder, stop. I could have left, but I didn’t because I believe in our work, believe in you.” He looked at her and shook his head. She smiled and squeezed his hand.
“Scully, I’ve never been deserving of you. Never,” he whispered and she released his hand, pushed her chair back to stand beside him and placed her arms around his neck.
“Mulder,” she whispered, as he shifted to hold her between his legs. “You are deserving of so much more than me.”
“Scully,” he whispered with an exhale.
“So much more, Mulder.” She pulled back and stared at him, moving her hands to his face and looking into his eyes. He tightened his grip on her waist and then she was leaning forward, her lips touching his tentatively.
The kiss deepened, both of them gripping to the other as they explored. Pulling apart, both of them breathless, she gave a shaky laugh.
“Well,” she said breathlessly. “That wasn’t where I saw this conversation going.” He laughed as his thumb stroked along the skin above the waistband of her pants. She smiled at him and kissed him softly, holding his face in her hands.
“It was definitely not how I saw the night going either,” he agreed.
She pulled back and bit her lip as she stared at him. He pulled her closer, kissing her once again.
“Wait,” she said, as his hands slid under her shirt and up her back.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He moved his hands and she stopped him.
“That’s not what I meant,” she smiled and he laughed softly. I just... I wanted to finish our conversation… So…” She pushed away from him and stepped back, moving to the other side of the table. “Safer over here.” He laughed looking at her swollen lips and feeling a sense of pride that he did that to her.
“Where were we?” she asked, running her hands through her hair.
“No idea,” he answered honestly and she chuckled, placing her hands on her stomach.
“I’m not leaving the bureau, but I do need to make a change. I don’t want to, but I need to do it,” she said, looking at him with a sad expression. “I just didn’t want to lose you in the process. That’s my biggest fear.” She took a few deep breaths and he sighed, staying at the table though everything inside of him screamed to go to her.
“First of all, no. You would never lose me. I think I just proved that,” he laughed and she rubbed her lips together, making his heart race. He had tasted those lips and he wanted to do it again, but she was right, they needed to finish their conversation.
“You wanted to talk tonight, Scully, I knew that before you brought it up. I also have had something weighing on my mind.” She looked at him and he sighed. Regardless of the fact that they had just made out in her kitchen, he was unsure of how she would welcome this ask from him.
“We didn’t talk about how that would affect everything,” he said, pointing to her stomach as he looked at her. “Perhaps we should have. Not that it would have changed my mind, not one bit, but I think we should have discussed some things.”
“Like what?” she whispered, and he saw the worry on her face.
“Like what my role is in all this, where I fit in or where you want me to fit in,” he said, clenching his jaw and letting out a deep breath.
“Where you fit in?” she asked softly, slowly rubbing her stomach.
“Where do you want to fit in?”
“I… it’s not… it’s not up to me,” he stumbled, shaking his head and balling his hands into fists. “I… it’s your… it’s up to you.” She stared at him and shook her head.
“What do you want, Mulder?” she whispered and he took a deep breath.
“I want to be involved,” he said in a rush and she smiled slightly. “I want to be there for you, for… the baby. I want to be…”
“His father?” she asked softly with a smile.
“He?” he asked, pointing to her stomach again. “It’s a boy?”
“Oh, it’s too soon to tell,” she said with a soft chuckle. “But you didn’t answer my question.” She smiled as he took another deep breath, nodding as he let it out.
“Yes what?” she teased. raising her eyebrows with a smile.
“I want to be his, or her, father,” he whispered, his heart pounding and his mouth dry.
“But, Mulder,” she said softly. “You already are this baby’s father.” She smiled and he let out a heavy shaky breath, nodding as tears filled his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but he could not do it, instead letting out a laugh as he cried happily.
She walked over and held him again, both of them crying. Shaking his head, he pulled back and she smiled. Wiping his eyes, she took his hand and moved it to her stomach, as she took a deep breath.
“We jumped into this, perhaps a little blindly, when it came to the effect it would have on us and what we both wanted,” she said softly. “I would never have… I wasn’t sure how much you wanted to be involved and… we should have had a discussion.
“Hmm,” he agreed with a chuckle, his hand moving across the beginnings of her growing belly. “When have we ever done anything the easy or correct way?” She laughed softly and he looked into her eyes. Moving his other hand to her face, he caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes.
“Can I kiss you again?” he whispered and she smiled with a nod.
Touching her lips softly, he felt her breath on his face. The gentle kiss soon became heated and he pressed her tightly against him, his hands under the back of her shirt, moving toward the front.
Gently pushing at him, she stepped back and looked at him, her eyes unfocused and her breathing ragged.
“Hmm… so… hmm,” she breathed, touching her face and then her lips. “Again, not where I saw this evening going.” He laughed and looked at his swollen lips. “Should have known you would be a good kisser.”
“Good?” he teased and she laughed.
“Fantastic, wonderful… amazing.”
She laughed softly and then stared at him, touching his face, running her thumb across his lips.
“Thank you, Mulder,” she whispered. “Thank you for making this possible.”
“It almost wasn’t and then you wouldn’t be thanking me or standing here with me like this,” he exhaled.
“I understand your hesitancy. It was almost too much to hope for, and at the time… I probably would have given up. Accepted the answer to a question I hadn’t asked. I thank you for that as well. I was angry, but you made the right decision…”
He started to interrupt her, but she put a hand up to stop him. “I would have felt that way even if it failed. It was a difficult decision and you were protecting me, I understand. It doesn’t mean I want you to do it again though.” He smiled and caressed her cheek as she smiled back.
Bringing his forehead to hers, they each took a deep breath. He placed his hand on her stomach again and she exhaled.
“When will we feel him, or her, moving around?”
They stood that way for a few minutes before she pulled back, kissing him softly, and smiling.
“Still not how I saw the night going,” she whispered, and he smiled.
“Not in the slightest,” he agreed and she smiled as she sighed again, causing him to raise his eyebrows. Stepping back further, she placed her hand on her stomach.
“We should have talked about this,” she said. “But I’m glad we are now. Among other things.” She raised her eyebrows with a smile and he laughed as he touched her arm.
“So where do we go from here?” he asked and she smiled.
“I think that should be a tomorrow worry, don’t you?” she asked, touching his forearm, sliding her hand up to his upper arm and squeezing. “I think we’ve talked enough for one night.” She stared at him, biting her lip almost nervously.
His eyes widened and she laughed, dropping her hand and then looking back at him with a beautiful smile. He nodded dumbly, his mind racing at the words she was saying.
“Can I open my present now?”
“What?” he asked, confused at the topic shift.
“The present on the chair,” she said, and he looked over at it and then back at her. “Yeah, I knew it was there.” She grinned at him and he laughed.
Standing to his feet, he picked it up and she smiled as he placed it in her hands.
“I’ve been wondering what this was all night,” she said, tearing open a corner of the wrapping paper.
“It’s just a little something,” he said with a shrug, worried about how she would receive the gift. She gave him a look and lifted the lid, pulling back the tissue paper.
“Oh… Mulder. It’s not just a ‘little something.’ Ohh my God…” She lifted out the outfit he had purchased for the baby; a Knicks onesie. It had gray sleeves, a blue body with Knicks Basketball written in orange, and a gray and blue striped bottom.
“This is… little yes, but only in actual size. Mulder, this is a big thing,” she said with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. “You’re sharing something you love, and that is never little or small. I love this so much. Thank you.” She wiped her eyes and set it down as she hugged him, whispering her thanks again.
Picking up the onesie once more, she shook her head as she looked at it.
“There is something else in there,” he said softly, this item being the one he was worried about. She looked at him and he smiled nervously.
She set the onesie down and looked in the box, moving the tissue paper aside to find the other item.
“Mulder…” She laughed softly as she lifted out the gift, sighing as she shook her head.
“I um… well… I thought if the baby had one, you needed one too. But I didn’t have time to shop for your own personal one. So…” he shrugged and she shook her head and she smiled.
“I don’t need a different one, this one is perfect.” He watched her looking at the shirt he had given to her: his gray Knicks shirt with the cut off sleeves.
He actually did have another one, a few in fact, but that particular one made him think of a basketball game when he had been angry with their job assignments and needed an outlet for all that anger.
As he saw her walking in, the way she had commanded his attention without saying a word… it got to him, as it always had. But something about that moment in particular, it had been burned into his mind.
She had waited outside the locker room as he showered and changed, staring him up and down when he came out to join her. Anytime he had worn that Knicks shirt after that day, he thought of the sound of her heels on the gym floor and her beautiful smile.
It had become her shirt. It only seemed right that she should own it.
“I know it might seem like a strange gift, but…” he said and she shook her head.
“No. I… I like this shirt.” She looked at him, breathing hard and his own breath caught.
“It’s a really good gift. Thank you.” Her expression changed and then the shirt was set on the table, her arms were around his neck, and her lips were pressed to his.
This kiss was different; her tongue teasing his lips, running across his teeth, and stroking along his own. Out of breath, she pulled back and licked her lips, her hands moving from his chest to his face, to his arms and then her own face.
“I uh… I'll be right back. I need to use the bathroom. Would you mind putting this stuff away?” she asked, stepping back and quickly picking up the gift box and the items she had just unwrapped.
“Uh… sure,” he said, not sure why she seemed to be in a sudden hurry. He watched her walk away with a shake of his head as he stood up to clear the table.
He put their uneaten puddings back in the refrigerator and wiped the table. Hearing the floor squeak behind him, he turned around and nearly fell to his knees.
Her legs were completely bare and she was wearing the Knicks shirt with nothing underneath, as evident by her hard nipples. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, as he stood frozen to the spot.
The shirt was big on her, as he imagined it would be, but the small bump of her stomach was still visible. He stared at her, the sight of her in that shirt, while pregnant with their child, almost too much to comprehend. She was so beautiful.
She smiled, biting her lip, as she pulled on the shirt. “It fits perfectly,” she teased softly and he nodded, stepping closer to her. He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled.
“With room to grow,” he teased, now holding the fabric between his fingers, as he felt his jeans tighten.
She laughed and laid her hands on his arms and pulled him close, walking backwards towards her bedroom, much to his delighted surprise.
“Not where I saw this evening ending,” he whispered, shaking his head as he reached for her waist.
“Oh, our evening hasn’t ended,” she said with a sexy smile. “Unless of course, you wanted to go…” She paused in the threshold of her doorway and raised her eyebrows at him.
“Scully, why in the hell would I want that?” he asked incredulously and she grinned.
She laughed, happy and positively glowing, as she let go of his arms and grabbed handfuls of his shirt, pulling him with purpose into her bedroom.