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The Hunt for the Tiger King

Chapter Text

"I'm in a cage. Do you know why animals die in cages? Their souls die." Joe paces inside his jail cell; stalking left to right, right to left. He mutters under his breath, today's the day. It had been two years since his day in court. Two years since Carole had bested him, turning his own government, his friends, his zoo against him. And for two years he had been plotting his escape to exact his revenge against the bitch that caged him. "Fuck Carole", Joe thought to himself, "but that animal-rights bitch was right about one thing--it was cruel to cage an animal". Joe finally had a taste of his own medicine, and he hated Carole even more for it. For two years Joe had been writing letters to Dillon, his third and current husband, communicating elaborately through code, planning their reunion. Joe couldn't wait the 22 years he was sentenced; Joe couldn't wait the 22 years he was sentenced; he had been set up and he wanted to set things straight. Today all their planning would be actualized.

Dillon, a sweet, simple boy, was not much help. Joe had to mastermind his own escape plan. But he was used to using others to get what he needed. The plan was relatively simple: all Dillon had to do was take the arsenal that Joe had built up over the years and storm the prison. Easy enough. They had plenty of explosives, guns, ammo. Joe dealt with his problems in a specific way and it's been working for him for his entire life, well other than this prison thing of course, and he wasn't going to change now. He acts first, worries about consequences later. He thought back to other times in his life when brute force solved his problems. His last interaction with Rick Kirkham sprang to mind. Rick had threatened to take away his internet show, his music videos, his livelihood. So, Joe burnt his office to the ground and framed Rick. Worked that time. Why not this time? Joe was going to burn the prison down and blame whoever he could stick it on. Whether it be Dillon, someone he could paint as a love-crazed boy, his former partner Jeff Lowe, who turned against him but refused to testify, anyone.

Joe continued pacing. He was waiting until midnight when Dillon was supposed to blow a hole in the prison wall. Anxiously, Joe counted the minutes until an explosion rocked his cell. Joe began maniacally laughing as the gunshots got closer and closer. He rattles the bars of his cell, almost foaming at the mouth. "Dillon, baby," Joe shrieks, "Ooh baby we've done it now." Dillon enters his cell block, covered in the blood spatter of the fallen prison guards. He unlocks Joe's cell with hands shaking from anticipation. Between excited laughter, they embrace and kiss passionately. Dillon hands Joe his iconic cowboy hat and sequined bomber jacket. Joe dons his new uniform and the two lovers fight their way out of the prison and drive off into the night.