Chapter Text
Thedas smelled like horses and sweat and blood, and when the wind shifted just right, it smelled like burning corpses. It was not pleasant. I woke up in a healer’s tent in Thedas and was told I had survived the explosion at the Conclave. Not The Survivor, just, survived. I wasn’t the Herald, thank goodness, but now I was an elf somehow. Yay. I didn’t have a chance to freak out about the new body because there was a man next to me sobbing and clutching bloody fingers to his arm, so I automatically started helping.
Apparently basic first aid counts as surgeon training, so I quickly got enlisted to help treat the survivors and wounded soldiers pouring in from trying to battle back the demons. It was an exhausting few days and I was covered in blood and sweat by the time we got the news that the Herald, though at this moment they were just the Prisoner, had awoken.
Turns out Heraldy is Adaar, a massive qunari man with soft black eyes. Cassandra paraded him past the makeshift healer’s area and I got a good look at him. He looked bewildered and horrified and clutched his sword like it was a lifeline. I slipped away from the tent and ran up to him with a flask of water. He looked startled when I approached him, but Cassandra seemed to dismiss me the second her eyes flicked over my ears. Most elves were servants or runners so it was easy to dismiss me by my new ears. I intended to take full advantage of that.
“Ser, water?” I offered the flask to him and he looked even more confused before giving me a relieved smile and taking it.
“Thank you. What’s your name?”
“We do not have time for pleasantries.” Cassandra broke in impatiently. I cut her some slack, it was the end of the world as far as she knew.
I put my hand on his massive arm and smiled at him. “You will save us, but remember to take care of yourself.” With that, I slipped back to the tent to help take care of the newest batch of wounded.
I stayed and helped until there was an odd shuddering, tingling sensation and when I looked at the sky I saw that the breach had stopped growing. Ah. Heraldy had reached it then. I snagged the elf girl who had been shadowing me since I arrived, helping where she could and making sure I stayed fed and hydrated. She was sweet and I fully intended to keep her safe.
“We’ll be moving to Haven soon. Gather your things up and keep them close by, I don’t know how or when we’ll be leaving.”
She eyed me uncertainly but nodded and reached under a cot and belted a small pouch around her waist. That was it. That was all of her things. I reached out and hugged her and to her credit, she only hesitated a moment before hugging me back tightly.
“I’m going to do my best to keep you safe.” I realized that she had obeyed me, had entrusted her future to me without question and I promised myself that I was going to do my best to make sure that trust was not misplaced.
“My name’s Onhalla.”
I laughed and let her go. “That’s a beautiful name.”
It was another day before we finally slipped in among a group headed for the main area of Haven. We weren’t officially supposed to be there, but no one questioned two elf girls carrying packages. We were basically invisible. At first, I tried to go the official route and talk to Threnn about what we should be doing, but she just sent us off to the servant’s area and ignored us basically. I could practically hear her thinking ‘not my job’. So I tried to head to the servant’s area, but Onhalla got her ass grabbed by a passing soldier. She shrank down and tried to slip away, but I was having none of that and threw all hundred pounds of me at the man and broke his nose.
Oddly, he took one look at my face and ran off. I didn’t think that would be the last of it, so I grabbed Onhalla’s hand and headed back to the gates.
“Are we leaving?”
“No. I’m going to make us a safer place to stay.”
I searched around outside the walls until I found a likely cluster of massive trees. They were close enough to the walls that we could run inside in case of trouble, but far enough away that we wouldn’t attract much notice as long as we were quiet and didn’t light fires. Onhalla eyes were wide as she watched me climb up into the biggest tree in the middle. It was perfect.
“This is it. This is our new base.” I grinned down at her. She looked doubtful, but helped me drag boards from the abandoned logging area and nick some rope and other things. It took us most of the time that Heraldy was out to build our little tree fort. But by the time it was finished, I could fit maybe eight people onto it if we puppy piled.
During one of the excursions into Haven proper for supplies, I came across a familiar looking soldier with a broken nose cornering another elf girl. I ran up as he pawed at her dress and drove a foot into the back of the knee, and when he went down, put an elbow into his throat. While he was down and choking, I grabbed the girl’s hand and dragged her away.
“Are you alright?” I asked the second we were far enough away. She nodded, her eyes flicking over my face in a mixture of awe and fear. “I have a place, it’s outside the walls, but me and my friend are staying there to keep away from people like that. Do you want to join us?”
Her eyes practically shone and she nodded so fast her red hair fell into her eyes. I smiled at her and led her out to the tree fort (after taking some rope and blankets from Threnn’s tent) and introduced her to Onhalla. The new girl’s name was Harrill, and she was quiet and her eyes followed me around with an awed light that made me uncomfortable but protective.
Our fort was complete and we had blankets and we fell into a puppy pile for the night. It was cold and the trees creaked in the night wind, but we just curled up together and slept peacefully. I think the fact that we pulled up the knotted rope we used to help climb up made them feel more secure. Come morning, we braved the mess tent and got some breakfast, and I told the girls to go find jobs while I took care of some business.
It didn’t take me too long to find the soldier I was looking for. I followed him around until I had a plan in mind. I could see Adaar leaving his cabin and I had a wicked plan pop into mind. I tucked the small knife I had been carrying out of sight and let the soldier catch sight of my apparently distracted self. His face darkened and he headed towards me as I casually and uncertainly walked away like I hadn’t seen him. He caught up with me the second Adaar came around the corner of a cabin.
A rough hand grabbed the back of my neck and I cried out as the soldier snarled at me. “Got you now, you knife eared bitch.”
He threw me to the ground and kicked me in the stomach and I gasped as the breath was driven out of me. This… was a horrible idea. I felt like throwing up but over the roaring in my ears, I heard Adaar shouting and the sound of a fist landing home. Large hands sat me up and I found myself staring directly into Adaar’s soft eyes.
“Are you all right?”
I nodded and coughed. “I should have been paying more attention.”
He frowned and looked over at the soldier, who was standing with his hands up as Varric kept Bianca trained on him. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve…” I looked down as if embarrassed. “I’ve run into him a few times already.”
“Bitch broke my nose!”
“You assaulted my friends!” I snapped back. At Adaar’s shocked look I hugged myself. “He grabbed my friend’s ass, and then I found him… forcing my other friend. I got them away, but I should have been paying more attention.”
Adaar’s face hardened and he stood up, looming over me unintentionally. “Would you come with me to speak to the Commander about this?” He held a hand out to help me up.
I hesitated but nodded as I accepted his help. “He probably won’t do much though. Me and my friends are just a bunch of knife ears.”
His lip curled and he shook his head. “You’re our people and he had better deal with this sorry bastard.”
Oh good, Adaar was a good guy. With Adaar’s support, Cullen actually took the charges seriously. I don’t know if he would have otherwise. I liked his character in the games, but there’s a gritty reality now that makes me doubt the people I loved in the story. But surprisingly, Cullen actually asked me what I wanted done to the man. I hugged myself and my aching ribs and moved closer to Adaar, letting the commander see how small I looked.
“I don’t want him touching another girl.” I said softly.
Cullen’s eyes flashed and he nodded decisively before turning to his men. “Strip him of his rank and take his right hand. After, put him out of Haven. We do not tolerate this kind of behavior in the Inquisition. Make sure all of the men know.”
The soldier started begging as he was dragged away but I just felt relief that Cullen had stepped up. He could have gotten away with sentencing much less. After the deed was done, Adaar looked at me with a scrunched up expression.
“I know you from somewhere.”
“Before the breach… I gave you water.”
His face brightened. “Oh yeah! Thank you for that! You were the first friendly face I’d seen since I woke up.”
I smiled up at him. “I’m glad I could help. And… thank you for helping me and my friends.”
I tried to slip away after that, but Varric fell into step beside me. He gave me an odd look when I changed course and headed to the writing area he normally hung out at.
“So, the soldiers been giving you and your ‘friends’ a lot of trouble?”
“Just the one so far. I’ve been trying to keep us all away from them for the most part.”
He eyed me for a moment. “Can you fight?”
I shook my head. “I can throw a punch, but that’s about it.”
He nodded. “I’ll talk to Curly. See if he’ll give you some training. If you’re looking out for your people, you need to be able to fight.”
I laughed, my ribs aching in protest. “Thanks, Varric. I’d feel better if I could hold off a guy long enough for help to get there.”
He hummed. “So, what’s your story?”
“Once upon a time, something blew a hole in the sky and I woke up in a tent surrounded by bloody people. I helped. To be continued.” I bowed sarcastically and he actually laughed. Worth the twinge of pain. I hoped that bastard hadn’t fractured something.
“I like you.”
“I’m flattered.” I grinned. “I like you too, but that pretty lady on your back seems to outshine you.”
“Bianca? Yeah, she’s a beauty.”
“She is. I hope she keeps you safe.” I gave him a wave and slipped away to rustle up some work that would keep me closer to the council. I intended to meddle with the future of the Inquisition, and I needed access to information as well as excuses to keep running into Adaar. I almost ran into Solas and I felt the blood drain from my face as I abruptly turned and went the other way.
Crap. I needed to stay away from him. If it came out in my meddling that I knew the future, he might decide I was a threat to him. He was smart, he’d see right through me if I tried to lie. I needed to stay out of his line of sight and notice.
I managed to insert myself as a sort of messenger, my elven anonymity coming in handy. Cullen thought I was one of Josephine’s aides, Josephine thought I worked for Leliana, Leliana thought I worked for Cullen. It was surprisingly easy and I despaired for the security of Haven. Adaar started seeking me out, which I didn’t mind. He was lonely and a little freaked out by the Herald thing, and I was a friendly spot of irreverent affection for him to talk with. Again, he spoke too freely with information from a security standpoint. I could be a spy for all he knew. But I wasn’t, so I just hung out with him. Unless he was hanging out with Solas. Then I kept my head down and got the hell out of there.
Me and the girls had settled into our tree fort nicely. It was cold, but it felt safe. My ribs healed quickly, thank goodness, must be an elf thing. A rope climb is not fun with bruised ribs. My girls kept joking about me being the Keeper to their little clan, and that didn’t sit well with me. So I gave them an alternative.
“Nah, I’m just the biggest wolf in our pack.”
They, of course, loved that and started calling the tree fort our den and us the Wolf Pack. It was cute and I took some of my free time to make them little braided bracelets with a wooden charm with a stylized wolf’s head. It was worth the small cuts I’d acquired while carving them just to see the looks on their faces. They loved them and wore them proudly and I felt very fond of my Pack. Harrill still looked a bit awed when I spoke but Onhalla just had a devoted sort of affection. I had somehow proved myself to them and they gave me their loyalty. It was a weird feeling. But they listened when I gave them instructions to start gathering up supplies for a long journey and they practiced when I started passing on the skills Cullen was teaching me with a knife. And after the initial ‘oh my gods it’s Cullen’ it was actually not that… well it was awesome but Cullen was a definite soldier… and shouted… a lot.
The Pack’s rules were simple. Be good to each other, be good to yourself. Look out for the little people. Protect each other. Care for each other. It felt like I was starting up my own little family.
I caught wind of the fact that Adaar was heading out the Hinterlands to find Mother Giselle and I managed to catch him alone. We chit chatted for a minute before I bit my lip nervously. “Do you believe in dreams?”
He chuckled. “Like, future dreams?” At my nod he fell serious. “What did you dream?”
“I… Ice and blood at the crossroads. A woman’s breath is in a bottle in a fortress where reality tears. The scout needs help, the child of the stone can give her purpose.” I furrowed my brow as I tried to remember. “Watchtowers for horses, the demons have the wolves.” I shrugged. “I don’t know if it really means anything, but that was what I dreamed.”
Adaar eyed me for a long moment before sighing. “I’ll remember it just in case. You’re a strange person.”
I grinned. “Never claimed otherwise, Oh Great and Wonderful Herald of Andrew.”
Adaar burst into giggles and I enjoyed his brief window of humor before a smooth voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “I believe it is pronounced Andraste.”
I whirled to see Solas staring at me curiously. I felt the blood drain from my face as I wondered how much he had heard. I quickly bowed to Adaar, who gave me a hurt expression, and got the hell out of there. I had to pass directly by Solas to get away and I heard him inhale slightly as I edged by him. Crap. Fen’Harel had my scent now. I could feel his eyes studying me as I escaped.
Shoot. I had his notice now. I managed to avoid him for a while longer, focusing on training and protecting my girls. He started showing up at random moments, his eyes narrowing as I immediately fell silent and slipped away each time. I hoped he would eventually assume that I was scared of mages like pretty much everyone else and lose interest. But, because the universe enjoys laughing at me, I found out I myself was a mage with a particularly spectacular piece of accidental magic.
I was carrying a message from Leliana to Cullen and it was late. The sun had set and the streets were mostly empty as I hurried to finish this last errand before I could go curl up with my pack. I saw a movement in front of me and stifled a screech as Solas himself nonchalantly stepped out into the pathway, obviously trying to find a moment alone to pin me down and talk. I panicked. It was dark, we were alone, and I wanted to get away but his gleaming eyes were focused on me in a way that reminded me of a hunting wolf. One moment I was alone in the dark with the Dread Wolf, and the next I was ten yards past him and running. I had Fade Stepped.
I ran for the Commander’s tent before Solas could gather himself and go after me. My heart was pounding in my ears and my hands were shaking as I handed the message to Cullen.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes. Just, in a hurry to get to bed. Ran the whole way here and I’m out of breath.”
He was stressed enough to accept that terrible misleading truth at face value and I stayed long enough to collect my breath before facing the long walk out to the Den with a prowling wolf out there.
As much as I loved Solas’ character, it was downright disconcerting to see him in the flesh. He tried to hide it, but he moved too surely. Like a prowling cat, smooth and assured as his eyes gather information. He was quiet and intense. The game never managed to show off how imposing he is to the average elf. He was about a head taller than me, and while he tried to dress himself down, you could still see the muscle under all those layers. He was scary. Even scarier when you know exactly what he is and what he’s capable of.
Fortunately, he wasn’t out there, that I could see, and I made my way to the Den without incident. Once there, I hugged my girls and told them that I had a magical outburst. They surprised me by being excited instead of scared, but I still promised them that I would start learning to control my magic so I could help them. We curled up in our pile, but I stayed awake for a long time, fretting over whether I would be able to protect them from Solas if he decided I was a threat. Would he even notice them?
In the morning, I watched Adaar head out the Hinterlands with Varric, Cassandra, and Solas in tow. I breathed a sigh of relief and took advantage of the chaos to steal a book on wards from the Chantry library. My time was split between running errands, training with Cullen, and studying the book on magic in my spare time. It didn’t make sense, I was missing definitions and background despite my pouring over the game codex. I had been taking notes on a piece of pilfered paper, but it was almost full and I had barely gotten through the first chapter. Time flew by.
I was outside the walls, tucked between the walls of Haven and a large boulder as I read the book on wards by candlelight. Suddenly the hair on the back of my neck prickled as I felt more than heard someone approach and I looked up to find Solas staring down at me. Crap. They were back. I scrambled to my feet and shoved the book and papers into my pouch so my hands were free. I bowed and tried to make my escape, but he stepped forward casually, trapping me between the rock and the wall. The only way out would be for me to turn my back on him and climb. I wasn’t willing to do that.
“You are a hard woman to find.” His voice was nonchalant, still apostate hobo soft. “You avoid me. I would like to know what I have done so I may make amends.” He tilted his head slightly.
I had to suppress a squeak and I knew I looked wide eyed and nervous, but I remained silent. I was not going to speak, it’s too easy to get twisted up and let loose something you shouldn’t.
His eyes travelled over me for a second before his posture shifted just slightly, his spine straightening and his feet moving just slightly further apart. It made him look larger, more deadly. “I have heard you speak to others, I know your voice is functional.”
I just stared at him, my heart pounding and my mind whirling as I tried to figure out how to get out of this alive. He sighed, a touch irritated. “You fear me?”
I glanced at my cornered position and where he stood between me and escape. His eyes followed mine and his mouth quirked just a bit in amusement. “Ah. Unfortunately, this was the only way I could keep you from vanishing before I discovered my transgression.”
I hugged my waist and kept silent, watching him warily. He was intrigued. He wanted to figure me out. If… if I could figure out how to keep him intrigued while also willing to not kill me as a threat...
“You refuse to speak to me?” At my nod, his eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared again, scenting. I wonder if he realizes he does that. He moved towards me and I stepped back, but he simply followed until there was barely a foot of distance between us and my back was pressed against the wall. “Why?”
I glanced at our position again and he shook his head, again with that slight lip quirk of amusement. “No, this is because I have spent too many hours trying to find a chance to speak with you. I would not have it cut short before I know why you avoid me in particular. You do not fear mages, you do not fear soldiers, you do not fear the Herald. Why me?”
My mind finally settled on a possibility for escape. Dangerous, playing with fire, but a possibility. I slowly reached out and rested my palm on his forearm. He stilled, muscles tense beneath my fingers. Gently, I slid my fingers up his arm and over his shoulder. His eyes were unreadable as he watched my face, but he was not pulling away or hitting me. I cupped the side of his face and brushed my thumb along the line of his cheekbone. His eyes actually fluttered closed for an instant and my heart ached. He really was touch starved then.
I sidestepped past him and let my fingers trail down his jaw as I took advantage of his brief distraction and made my escape. I could feel his eyes boring into my back as I ran, but he let me go.
I noticed him often the next few days, subtly watching me, subtly turning up wherever I went. He was stalking me. He wouldn’t come near me while I was with the Commander though, and I freely took advantage of that, training in most of my spare time to keep the hunting wolf off my throat. I had no illusions, he had my scent and I had his interest. He was hunting me. Adaar left him behind while he went to Val Royeaux and that gave him plenty of time to hunt. I scraped together a vague plan of action.
Plan: stay silent around him. Don’t let information slip accidentally, and the frustration will keep him interested now that being unnoticed is impossible. Touch. He’s touch starved and isolated, it will make him invested, even slightly, in me emotionally. Lastly, get him to teach me. He loves to teach, loves to share knowledge.
Plan vaguely in place, I let him catch me alone. I was back in the spot he had caught me, working through the ward book again. I was expecting him but he still managed to startle me by appearing silently in the path of my only way to escape. I scrambled to my feet and tucked my book away with my heart in my throat. He studied me quizzically before speaking.
“You are still wary.” It wasn’t a question exactly, but I nodded anyway. He sighed softly. “And you still will not speak to me?”
He made a sharp movement and I flinched, stepping back like that would save me if he had decided to turn me to stone. A moment later I realized it was just an exasperated gesture, but now he was studying me in earnest.
“I have questions and I find myself unsure how to ask them without frightening you further.” He said absently, his eyes flicking over my face.
I hesitated before deciding to jump in and ask. I put my hands together and opened them like they were a book, then used one hand to imitate picking up something from the other hand and putting it into my head.
He frowned, but seemed to pick up my meaning quickly. “You wish to learn something?”
I nodded and smiled brightly, pleased I had only had to use the one gesture. I pointed at him and then to me.
“You wish me to teach you something?” His eyebrow arched in skeptical curiosity.
I nodded and hesitantly pointed at his staff.
“You want to learn magic.” His eyes flicked over me again and he pressed his lips together. “There are several mages within the Inquisition, perhaps one you are not frightened of would be a better teacher?”
I winced and shook my head. There was no way I was letting a Chantry raised mage teach me anything. I drew a circle in the air and made a face.
“Ah, you do not wish a Circle Mage?” He seemed pleased. That was good. We were communicating, I had his interest, and now he seemed pleased. Maybe I would make it out of Haven alive. And if I was honest… I got a little fluttery in the stomach when he apraised me again with that suppressed smile.
“And why would I be willing to expend that effort?” His voice was soft enough to dull the sharpness of his words.
My shoulders slumped and I tried to step past him. If he wasn’t interested then I had nothing of worth to him. That he knew of. He reached out as if to catch my arm but stopped, his hand hovering a few inches from me. I still paused.
“If you will agree to speak to me, I will teach you.” At my smile he made a satisfied expression. “Do you agree to this?”
“Vin, Solas. Ma serannas.”
“Dirthas elvhen?” His eyebrows raised and he looked over me again.
I shrugged and held up my index finger and thumb a little apart. Just a little. He frowned.
“You agreed to speak to me.”
I grinned cheekily and made a tada gesture. His eyes narrowed and the corner of his mouth quirked.
“Ah. I forgot to be exact. Very well, you upheld your end of the bargain, I will do the same. Although, it will be a bit difficult if you continue to refuse to speak to me.” He raised an eyebrow expectantly but I just grinned at him. He shook his head with a soft sigh. “You are entirely unpredictable.”
I gave him another smile and reached out to squeeze his forearm gratefully. He stilled again and his gaze settled on my hand. I almost pulled away, but he spoke softly. “I would like to know why you fear me so I may make amends, but I suspect I must be patient for that.”
I swept my thumb across the fabric of his tunic in a slight caress before letting him go. He inhaled subtly and sat on the ground cross legged. I slowly moved to mirror him, keeping my spine straight and my hands loose on my knees. Bet the first thing he did was try to teach me to meditate.
“First, you must learn to find your aura.”
Yup. He guided me through some breathing exercises, seemed pleased when I already knew how to do them perfectly. Eventually, I found what he was describing to me, a bright, sensitive sense of energy centered in my throat but radiating through my whole body. I was mapping it out when I felt something cold and green press against it curiously. Oh no he didn’t! I imagined my energy curling up and spiking out like a hedgehog. He made an undignified yelping noise and his magic was gone. I opened my eyes and frowned at him.
He had the good grace to laugh. “I should have asked before attempting that. I was simply trying to discover if you had found it.”
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. Well, he was probably doing that. But also was probably being some sort of mysterious nosy on top of it. His intentions were as layered as his clothes.
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you manage to find where it is centered within yourself?”
I leaned forward and rested my fingers on the hollow of his throat. His skin was warm and I could feel his pulse quicken. He swallowed beneath my fingertips and I withdrew my hand, my own pulse racing as I tried not to look scared at having touched Fen’Harel’s throat.
“Unusual. Are you certain?” At my nod he hummed, already having collected his composure. “Meet me here tomorrow after the evening meal.”
Taking that as dismissal, I stood up and stretched my arms up over my head, and arched to the side in the half moon yoga pose to work out the stiffness in my back from sitting on the ground. I bowed slightly to him in thanks and edged past where he still sat. I could feel him watch me run away again.
The girls were excited for me about finding a teacher, they were surprisingly pro mage for Thedas, and we spent most of our supper time discussing the kinds of magic I should learn. Onhalla wanted me to learn warming glyphs and how to conjure water and Harrill wanted me to learn how to set things on fire and healing magic. I wanted to learn both of those. They sounded like just the sorts of things I needed to know to take care of my Pack.
He found me in the Fade that night. I had been expecting him since he started hunting me, but this was the first time that I was aware of that he had found my dreams. I was dreaming of my old cabin and I was working in the garden bed by the pond. I had dirt on my face and the sun was shining as I dug and planted beans. It was satisfying, especially since the beans immediately sprouted and grew when I covered them in dirt.
I felt him enter my dreams and looked up in apprehension. He had taken the form of a massive white wolf and I knew he didn’t expect me to recognize him. So I pretended not to. I very slowly rose to my feet and bowed politely to the wolf.
“Hello, Ser Wolf.”
His ears swiveled in surprise but his head ducked in response. Since I was pretending not to recognize him, I decided to give into my impulse.
“May I pet you? You’re very pretty.”
His ears flattened and his haunches lowered like he wanted to back away, but after a moment he slowly walked towards me. I gave him a smile, careful to keep my teeth covered, and held out my hand, letting him decide whether to put his head under it or not. He sniffed my fingers and then hesitantly shoved his muzzle under it. I giggled at the thought that I was actually going to pet Solas and gently scratched by his ear. He let out a long sigh and his eyes closed.
It wasn’t long before I was sitting by my favorite old oak from home, my back against its bark and Solas’ head in my lap as I petted him softly and hummed. It was very peaceful and at that moment, I didn’t fear him. It’s hard to be scared of someone when they make a pitiful whining noise when you stop stroking their head. I felt the tug of dawn and sighed.
“I have to wake up now. I hope I dream of you again, Ser Wolf.”
It was more of an invitation than I should have given, but I knew he would be back anyway. This was why I didn’t speak to him out loud though.