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What Harold said to Kumar was true. He was a changed man (though it probably should have come after a more sophisticated spiritual journey than their trip to White Castle). What he thought he wanted was Maria. Beautiful, sophisticated Maria who was always kind to him and who never smelt like weed or booze. But, on his way back up in the elevator, he really thought about how that kiss had felt emotionally. It wasn’t… much. Really, he had felt more emotions tonight with Kumar than with anything. And maybe when they were still considering fucking Liane, he didn’t want their balls to touch because that’s how he was supposed to feel. So when the doors of the elevator dinged open and Kumar was there looking at him expectantly, he didn’t really think. But, as Kumar wrapped his arms around Harold’s neck, the universe really does have a way of working out.


Kumar drives Harold insane. He’s always done it, but Harold really thought it might be better after they started dating (or like, at least, openly dating. Turns out Kumar had a bet with Goldstein about how he and Harold would never date and didn’t want to pay up the money). Kumar had always been forgetful, but studying for med school just upped the ante. Some days, there would just be a half-eaten meal on the table because he got too into studying and just left it there. His laundry sat in the washer for two weeks when Harold went to visit his parents (the smell of mildew didn’t leave for days). And all of that is fine, and not that much different to how Kumar acted before. But now that they were dating, he also decided to drive Harold insane by teasing him and then not following through. Harold would make Kumar dinner and bring it to him and Kumar would thank him by backing him into a wall, planting wet kisses on his neck, and trailing a hand up his thigh. Then, once Harold started gripping his hips and trying to meet his mouth, he would back off with a smile and a quip, “I just think it’s cute that you’re so gay for me. Thanks for dinner.” Or, Kumar would ask him to roll up a blunt and pick out a movie on a Friday night. Then, as Harold smokes the joint, Kumar would straddle his lap and pluck the joint from his lips, bringing it to his own. And he would blow his smoke in Harold’s face, and despite Harold’s mind wishing it weren’t true, he found that incredibly sexy. But, as soon as Kumar noticed his… attention growing, he would smirk and move off of him, then turn on the movie. And it was always the smugness that ended Harold. If Kumar could just keep his self-satisfied, smug grin off his face, Harold wouldn’t end up on his knees in front of him (because despite all reasons not to, Harold loved his asshole boyfriend). And Kumar would make him beg first, because that’s who he is. “Roldy, I’m trying to watch the movie you picked out. What are you doing down there?”

And Harold would run his hands up Kumar’s legs, “I don’t want to watch the movie.”

“Well I want to. I mean, do what you want down there, but I’m gonna watch it.” So Harold would go to town (and he was quite proud of his skills at sucking dick. Worthwhile indeed) until he got Kumar to moan. Some days it would be minutes, but others Kumar would bite back the moan from his lips and really make Harold work for it. But eventually, the moan would appear and from there, the night was up to Harold. Sometimes they fucked hard and fast on the couch, but others they would take their time and make love in Harold’s bed (because really, when was the last time Kumar changed his sheets?). And mostly, it was Kumar on top because he sometimes was still weird about being into men, but Harold was okay with that. He knows Kumar loves him and is working on it, and as he works on it, he gets a dick slamming into his prostate (there’s really no losers).


When it’s been a few years, and they’re celebrating Harold’s recent promotion and how successful Kumar’s residency is going at White Castle as is tradition, who walks in, but Cole. The ex-leader of the Extreme Gang fresh out of prison looks like he’s seen better days, but that doesn’t stop him from stomping over to their table and starting to yell at them. But Harold’s always felt like a different man when he’s eaten White Castle. “Listen here jackass, it doesn’t actually matter that we stole your car several years ago. Cause he’s a doctor and I have a great lawyer. And now that you’ve been to jail, all that lovely white privilege you had before, is gone. You’re damaged goods pal. So if you ever have the audacity to come and talk to me and my boyfriend ever again, I’ll get you thrown back in jail.” And then Harold quickly leaned like he was going to hit Cole, who then flinched. “Fucking right. Let’s go babe.” Kumar flipped off Cole and they left. 

And when they got home and were in the elevator, Kumar flipped the emergency stop button. “Why the fuc-” Harold had begun asking, but Kumar cut him off with a heated kiss. His hands trailed down Harold’s stomach and worked on opening his belt. Kumar trailed his mouth to Harold’s neck, allowing him to question what was going on. “In the elevator?” His only answer was a bite that would definitely end up as a hickey (on the opposite side of his raccoon scar) as Kumar got his belt open, then undid his slacks. “Kumar. We are in an elevator.” Harold tried talking sense to his boyfriend, but Kumar slid to the floor anyway and looked up at him with an uncharacteristic solemn expression. “Sometimes you do things that are really badass and I’m reminded of how fucking cool you are. And I love you. May I please suck your dick in this elevator?” And really, Harold has almost never said no to Kumar, and he’s especially not going to start now (though he does now owe Rosenberg money, because he bet that they would never have sex in a public place).