Work Header

Things to Do in Isolation

Work Text:

Akthar - AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar 

Posner - PoetandProfessor 

Dakin - Sexystu

Scripps - MissingMuse

Timms - Tony&TinaTimms

Crowther - You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship

Irwin - ThomasIrwinBA

Lockwood - LuckyJim


AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar created the conversation


AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar named the conversation Isolation Old Skool


AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added PoetandProfessor to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added MissingMuse to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Rudge to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Sexystu to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added ThomasIrwinBA  to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added LuckyJim to Isolation Old Skool

AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Tony&TinaTimms to Isolation Old Skool


AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar added Rudge to Isolation Old Skool



9.16 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: How’s isolation treating everyone then?


9.16 PoetandProfessor: Not bad, thanks. Teaching is sooooo much easier without the kids. You’ll have to ask Scrippsy how he’s getting on, though, I never see him these days, he’s always in his study working on The Book


9.17 Sexystu: Isolation Old Skool? What is this a kids disco in the 90s?


Poet&Professor renamed the conversation Sad Gays in Lockdown


9.18 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: How’s the book coming on, Scripps?


9.25 MissingMuse: AAAAAAAARGH


9.25 PoetandProfessor: I’ve been organising all my old photos. There are so many of us all from the old days, I can send them on if anyone wants.


9.26 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Please, Pos. Nobody wants reminding of what they looked like in the 80s


9.26 Sexystu: Speak for yourself I looked the shit


9.26 PoetandProfessor: … you’re almost right


9.30 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: I don’t understand what all the fuss is about, just do as you’re told and stay indoors. Although having said that I ran out of toilet paper this weekend.


9.40 MissingMuse: what have you been using instead?


9.41 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Trust me, I think it’s better lost to the mists of time


9.41 PoetandProfessor: :Sick:


9.45 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Grim!


9.45 Sexystu: I have lost all respect for you XD


Sexystu renamed the conversation: Crowther wipes with socks


10.00 Tony&TinaTimms: That’s made my week, thanks mate. DYING. The kids are driving me. Mad. I thought the teacher was just a crybaby but it turns out my kids are sent straight from hell! This morning they smashed the bathroom window and the neighbour’s conservatory and this isn’t even the worst day this week. They are hyped up on chocolate and OUT OF CONTROL!


10.01 PoetandProfessor: I feel so validated rn


10.01 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Same. Being headmaster is so much better though because you get to scare the living shit out of them on a daily basis


10.01 PoetandProfessor: Oh, for a promotion!


10.05 Tony&TinaTimms: I don’t know how you do it mate. I can’t realistically see them getting through today without a good slap each and they came out of my balls. Kids are not what they were


10.07 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Oh definitely, we were never that bad


10.15 ThomasIrwinBA: You definitely were


10.16 MissingMuse: No way, you were just new and easily scared


10.16 ThomasIrwinBA: You collectively outed me on my first week! Also the school I taught in before yours was in a deprived area full of gang crime. Trust me, I know bad kids. You lot were bad


10.30 Tony&TinaTimms: A week ago I would have taken the piss, now tkfyukvvvtkktxjfrlut;uxjrt|OL98s


Tony&TinaTimms renamed the conversation My Farts Kill Old Ladies


10.40 Tony&TinaTimms: bum, wank, poopoo, shitujvfivfewblifc


10.42 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: …. I guess we’re assuming he’s dead


10.42 PoetandProfessor: Tony, I hope you don’t mind my bringing it up but…how come you have a joint handle?


11.00 Tony&TinaTimms: sorry kids stole my phone…


Tony&TinaTimms renamed the conversation How Much for a Vasectomy?


11.00 Tony&TinaTimms: The wife insisted, that way she knows I’m not pretending to be single online


11.05 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Timms, I’m sorry but that’s messed up


11.05 Tony&TinaTimms: Ok Akthar, maybe save your judgement for when you’ve finally had a relationship that’s lasted more than three years


11.05 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Touched a nerve there, apparently


11.11 LuckyJim: You guys are all babies. In Iraq, I spent three days in a shell hole, with no food, and a single bottle of water pissing where I stood. This is easy: I have a sofa, beer, tv and a separate toilet


11.13 PoetandProfessor: and on next week’s travel guide…


11.13 MissingMuse: Ok seriously I’m unsubscribing to this chat the notifications are disturbing my concentration


11.14 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: How far you got with it?


MissingMuse has left the conversation


11.14 PoetandProfessor: Welcome to my life. Although having said that he did the garden last week, it looks amazing. This week he’s got it into his head to write his magnum opus.


11.17 Sexystu: I will say this for coronavirus: best Italian holiday I’ve ever had! Flights were dirt cheap, place was deserted, I had my pick of empty beaches


11.17 ThomasIrwinBA: You were lucky to get back in the country.


11.18 Sexystu: some would say unlucky. Can I have a coffee, please?


11.19 Sexystu: Tom?


11.19 Sexystu: Sausage? 


11.19 Sexystu: Baby?


1.19 Sexystu: Sugarcakes? 


11.20 Sexystu: @ThomasIrwinBA?


11.20 ThomasIrwinBA: I will leave it outside the door for you


11.23 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: ?


11.25 ThomasIrwinBA: Stuart is in the spare room until he’s no longer infectious


11.25 Sexystu: That makes you sound sane. He means I have to live in here.


11.26 ThomasIrwinBA: It’s an en-suite and you have shared use of the front door, as long as you disinfect the handle, don’t be dramatic


11.27 Tony&TinaTimms: I thought my house was stressful!


11.27 Rudge: Don’t even talk to me about pissing coronavirus! No team sports meetings here, Olympics is postponed, most football is cancelled, tennis is cancelled, rugby is postponed AND the Ryder cup looks like it might be postponed. If they had any compassion they’d shoot us all.


Rudge renamed the conversation Lock(down) and Load


11.30 PoetandProfessor: Erm that’s perhaps a little dramatic


11.31 Rudge: What am I supposed to do all day cooped up like a zoo animal?


11.31 PoetandProfessor: Work?


11.32 Rudge: Thanks for rubbing it in. My entire sex life revolves around face-to-face client interactions, and I don’t even have that


11.32 Sexystu: Good news, Tom. I’ve found someone crazier than you


11.35 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: You lot need Xanax. Also, Rudge that name sounds obscene


11.38 Tony&TinaTimms: I think we know what Pete is going to be doing with his time though XD


MissingMuse has joined the conversation


11.50 MissingMuse: Just outlined the plot, well half the plot, the gist of it anyway


MissingMuse has left the conversation


11.51 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Lost the plot more like


AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar renamed the conversation Bedlam


11.51 Sexystu: @Rudge has got a point though, it’s like being in prison


11.51 PoetandProfessor: Dakin, are we thinking of the same house? The last time I stayed over your spare bedroom was bigger than my first flat


11.51 Sexystu: Not that spare bedroom


11.51 PoetandProfessor: Oh, you mean the one with the balcony and the fireplace? However will you cope?


11.52 Sexystu: IKR!!! The en suite doesn’t even have a Jacuzzi bath!!!


11.53 ThomasIrwinBA: Thank god for your working class roots or you’d really struggle :eyeroll: You don’t even stay inside!


11.53 Sexystu: What do you mean? I’ve been in all day!


11.55 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Yeah, but it’s not even lunch time


11.56 ThomasIrwinBA: And you’re always going out!


11.56 Sexystu: I need ice cream and booze to compensate for the sudden lack of sex!


12.00 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: TMI


12.03 ThomasIrwinBA: We get Tesco deliveries every week!


12.03 Sexystu: They don’t always choose the ice cream I like, and you never order enough!


12.03 ThomasIrwinBA: And you go for a jog twice a day!


12.03 Sexystu: How else will I avoid getting fat?


12.04 PoetandProfessor: Eat less ice cream?


12.04 Sexystu: Don’t test me Pos, I’m having serious withdrawal symptoms, here. To make matters worse the pubs are closing for Easter


12.04 ThomasIrwinBA: You’ve been going to the PUB???!


12.10 LuckyJim: How long is the incubation period again?


12.10 Sexystu: 2 days to a week


12.11 ThomasIrwinBA: Actually the longest recorded case was 27 days, no point in taking risks


12.11 Sexystu: you are joking!


Sexystu renamed the conversation Guantanamo Bay


12.15 ThomasIrwinBA: If it bothers you so much then try giving up the pub, the ice cream runs, the jogging, and taking the cat out for a walk!


12.15 Sexystu: Well you won’t take him!


12.17 ThomasIrwinBA: Because he doesn’t need it!


12.17 Sexystu: Exercising a pet is officially a vital journey - VITAL!


MissingMuse has joined the conversation


12.45 MissingMuse: I might start the first chapter today… or tomorrow. Definitely this week


MissingMuse has left the conversation


12.55 LuckyJim: Stu, they definitely mean a dog


12.55 Sexystu: Don’t be stupid. We don’t have a dog


13.00 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: I really regret asking now


LuckyJim renamed the conversation The Baby Room


13.05 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Back in the land of sanity, I’m really enjoying the time off to spend in the nice weather


13.07 Tony&TinaTimms: …and to invent a substitute for bog roll


13.08 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Found something to entertain your kids with yet?


13.10 Tony&TinaTimms: Ordered them a PS4 on Amazon. It would be cheap at twice the price.


13.12 LuckyJim: It seems… mental that you didn’t already have one if they’re that crazy


13.20 Tony&TinaTimms: The wife doesn’t agree with screen time. Bring it on I say!


13.30 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: And won’t she notice? And you know, put a stop to it?


13.40 Tony&TinaTimms: Nah, she’s working round the clock these days. She’s doing a rotation in ICU and it’s gone crazy the past few weeks, she barely sees the kids when she does get home.


13.40 Sexystu: And do you make her live in the spare room?


13.45 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Because that’s what’s important here, Dakin


13.48 Tony&TinaTimms: Nah, she strip showers when she gets in and then mostly just falls into bed. She isn’t allowed to hug them though


13.48 Sexystu: See Tom? Timms is less strict and his partner actually comes into contact with hundreds of the infected every day


13.50 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: “the infected” brilliant!


You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship renamed the conversation The Infected


14.00 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Dakin showing his customary sensitivity there. Timms tell your missus she’s amazing from me


14.01 ThomasIrwinBA: Timms also lives with three window-breaking children and, no offence Timms, but that is not what I call a life. Also, please pass on my respects to your wife


14.15 LuckyJim: Well, I’ve got Netflix and some willpower so I’m not really bothered, but I am loving this display of mass hysteria from Dakin. Also I have the utmost respect for Timms’ wife. If there’s anything you need mate, let me know


14.15 Tony&TinaTimms: New window?


14.15 Sexystu: It can’t be mass hysteria if it’s just me. Anyway, it’s not me who’s being hysterical! It’s Tom. The cat agrees!


MissingMuse has joined the conversation


14.45 MissingMuse: Wow, there are… quite a lot of messages since I last read this chat. What do you reckon is a more interesting backdrop: England during the Restoration or a post-apocalyptic colony on Mars?


14.46 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: I... can’t believe you’re even asking


14.46 MissingMuse: You’re right, I don’t know what I’m thinking; the Restoration it is


MissingMuse has left the conversation


15.00 PoetandProfessor: I think I might try my hand at making jam. To an extent I sympathise with you, Dakin. Loneliness is a terrible thing, especially in your own house :(


15.00 Sexystu: Especially when your husband is batshit mental


15.00 PoetandProfessor: agreed 


15.08 ThomasIrwinBA: OI!


15.15 LuckyJim: My glazing skills aren’t much but I’ve set up a gofundme. If everyone can donate what they can and share. Link below.


15.19 ThomasIrwinBA: Stuart will be donating a tenner for every hour he’s spent out of the house when he should have been in quarantine


15.20 Sexystu: Why don’t you just get me to pay for it?


15.21 ThomasIrwinBA: that’s the idea :) Alternatively you could just Stay The Fuck Indoors!


15.21 Sexystu: I would if it weren’t so boooooooring


15.22 PoetandProfessor: Don’t you still have work to do?


15.22 Sexystu: Yeah but I refer to the above statement re booooooring


15.30 Tony&TinaTimms: Lockwood, mate, I dunno what to say


15.33 LuckyJim: Announce an immediate ban on indoor cricket


15.35 Rudge: Might as well, everything else fun has been banned. Go ahead - destroy your children’s lives


15.37 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Rudge – you’re fifty-five years old, don’t you think that maybe you need some perspective here?


15.38 Rudge: Oh but Dakin is behaving rationally??


15.39 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Oh, no, Dakin is a fruitcake, we all agree on that


15.39 PoetandProfessor: 100%


15.39 LuckyJim: Yep


15.39 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: Totally


15.39 Tony&TinaTimms: Yeah


15.40 Sexystu: Right, fuck you all


Sexystu has left the conversation


15.40 ThomasIrwinBA: Oh dear, I better go and check he’s ok…. And that he isn’t putting a harness and lead on the poor cat again – I think it has PTSD… by the time I get on the gloves and facemask he’s usually bolted out of the door with the poor thing


ThomasIrwinBA has left the conversation


15.42 Tony&TinaTimms: Well that was entertaining


15.45 LuckyJim: Actually, I need to walk the dog – who actually does need it. Talk tomorrow yeah?


LuckyJim has left the conversation


15.46 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: If you lot are fucking off then I’m going back outside to enjoy the sun


15.48 Rudge: What’s to enjoy if there’s no sport on?


15.49 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship: Sitting in the garden with a book?


15.50 AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar: same time tomorrow lads?


15.51 You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship sent a thumbs up


15.51 Rudge sent a thumbs up


Rudge has left the conversation


You_may_address_me_as_His_Worship has left the conversation


AdilDoneWithYourShitAkthar has left the conversation


15.55 Tony&TinaTimms: looks like it’s just you and me, pos


15.56 Tony&TinaTimms: Fuck, gtg kids are putting forks in the microwave


Tony&TinaTimms has left the conversation


MissingMuse has joined the conversation


16.00 MissingMuse: So basically it’s a doomed romance but with a comedic heart


16.00 PoetandProfessor: I’ll put the kettle on love, and you can tell me all about it


PoetandProfessor has left the conversation