Chapter Text
You wake up to three things. The first thing you feel is the sharp pang of hunger in your empty stomach pulling you out of unconsciousness. The second thing is your phone buzzing in your hand. The third—and last—thing, is the loud thunk of a shuriken lodging itself in the wall inches away from your head.
You jerk your head up in a panic and almost fall right off the bed. It takes you a good few seconds to catch your breath and stop your heart from beating fast enough to rival a rabbit’s. No other sharp objects come flying at you in the next few moments, and you don’t hear any sounds from behind the door, so you figure you’re probably in the clear. For now at least.
Your phone buzzes again and you open your messages.
tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]
TT: Hello.
TT: I am sure John has told you that I needed to talk to you.
TT: I had an idea last night about something and I figure that you’re the best person to discuss with and gauge interest.
TT: It all depends, of course, if it would even be possible in the first place, because if I’m being honest it isn’t all that realistic.
---turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!----
TT: Hm...
TT: One moment.
TT: Okay. John is telling me that you signed off to take a nap. Pardon me for interrupting.
TT: Message me back when you wake up.
TG: sup
TG: ok what the hell are you on about
TT: Sup to you too, Sleeping Beauty, how was your nap?
TG: fantastic thank you for asking
TT: I’m sure your saintly contributions to humanity in the form of those new comics you posted have tired you greatly.
TG: haha yeah
TG: that one about stapling spaghetti to the wall was pretty fucking inspired i think
TG: anyways im 100% down to jab at each other for the next half hour but i really gotta know what the fuck you were talking to yourself about before i got on
TT: Request granted.
TT: So, I was saying that I had an idea and I’m not sure how plausible it could be in practice.
TG: yeah i got that part
TG: spit it out rose whats the idea
TT: Alright, fine.
TT: What if we organized a meetup?
TG: woah ok
TG: wh
TG: okay thats big
TT: What do you think?
TG: you gotta gimme a second hold on
TT: I figured that you’d freak out like this.
TT: Take your time.
TG: a meetup? like in fucking person?
TT: Yes, David. “In fucking person.” That’s what a meetup is, dumbass.
TT: So what do you think?
TG: hell yes it would be so fucking cool
TG: it’d be hard as fuck to pull off with jade living out in the middle of the goddamn ocean and us three scattered across the us
TG: have you asked jade or john about this yet
TT: I have not.
TG: what why not
TT: God knows, I’m regretting it already.
TT: Seriously though, I figure we can get some real scheming done between the two of us, and if it turns out to be a terrible, impossible to pull off, load of horseshit, we can let it go gently into that good night with none the wiser.
TT: Cut our losses and all that.
TG: huh ok
TG: rose if this shit doesnt work out im gonna cry myself to sleep and drown myself in the fucking toilet
TT: Make sure to close the lid on your head and put something heavy on top of it so your body can’t instinctively come up for air.
TG: thanks dr phil i really needed this support
TT: Anyways, I think the biggest roadblock might be where we go to meet up and how we all get there.
TT: I am presumably free to meet anywhere we agree on, because I can ask my mother to fly me out. I am not sure if it is the same for you all, though.
TG: john and his dad can probably swing a plane ticket or something but i dont know how jade will make it off some remote island in the pacific
TT: You’re right. We may need to ask Jade about that, but what about you?
TG: oh uh
TG: i dont know if my bro would really go for this
TG: im not sure i would be able to fly out anywhere
TT: Really? I didn’t think it would be a problem with him, but that’s probably fair.
TG: well maybe it wouldnt be? I dont know
TT: Hm.
TT: Ask him to be sure. We need to have a firm sense on what we can do to make this happen.
TG: fuck man thats just asking for a strife
TG: god im still tired from the last one
TT: I know. I had to ask my mother about plane tickets last night.
TG: damn howd that go
TT: It wasn’t awful, shockingly. She’s been trying to do better lately.
TG: huh
TG: you mean shes not getting blacked out every day
TT: Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Thank you for putting it in such crude terminology for me.
TT: But seriously, I am glad that she's making an effort. Even if this is an act just to psyche me out, she is drinking less.
TG: sick
TT: On another note, John and I wanted to know how you felt about having another movie night tomorrow.
TG: fuck yes thatd be awesome
TG: but um
TG: something might come up and i might dip out last minute
TG: just
TG: letting you know
TT: And what would that be? It sounds like you have your interruptions scheduled, David.
TT: You wouldn’t dream of absconding the last minute on purpose so you don’t have to make an appearance, would you?
TG: haha no no no its not like that
TG: i've probably got training tomorrow so i might be busy which fucking sucks
TT: What time are you training? We could plan around it.
TG: i have no fucking clue
TG: bro just fucking jumps me at any point in the day and boom we’re training
TT: That sounds illogical.
TG: what do you mean i think its pretty clear
TT: Well, he’s teaching you to fight with a sword, so I’m not sure how constructive it is to “jump you.” Also, at “any point in the day?” Do you carry a sword around 24/7?
TG: oh
TG: i guess its more like self defense training because we do a whole bunch of shit not just swordfighting
TG: maybe i should carry a sword around though because i'm usually absolutely fucked when he jumps me
TG: thats besides the point though
TG: its so i'm constantly alert and vigilant so i can anticipate any attack and defend myself
TT: Alright, hold on. I can’t presume to know what life in a large Texan city is like, but just how many fights does he expect you to get into?
TT: I understand the sword fighting as an ironic gesture or even as a joke, but you’re making it sound as if he is actually preparing you for some huge threat looming over you.
TG: look i dont fucking know why hes doing it but he sure as hell has a good reason
TG: he wouldnt be doing all this for nothing rose
TG: just because its a little intense doesnt mean im gonna whine about it i just need to get stronger
TT: Does he have a sword?
TG: he has a fuck ton of them what kind of question is that
TT: Does he have a sword when he attacks you at random?
TG: yeah thats the fucking point
TT: So during these altercations he is armed and you are... not?
TG: no i just gotta grab something and fight back its not that serious
TT: No I think this actually sounds very serious.
TG: rose you are looking way to fucking far into this
TG: i dont know what you think youre going to find with your digging and needling but you need to stop right the fuck there
TG: stop taking notes this is just two awesome dudes who sword fight on occasion
TG: so drop it
TT: ... fine.
TT: I apologize for seeming insincere, I was simply curious and asking as a concerned friend.
TG: sure
TT: I wish you weren’t so intent on disbelieving me.
TG: can we just fucking move on about this
TG: i know you cant resist the horseshit psychoanalysis and i dont want to talk about this any more
TT: If you insist.
TT: I understand that your schedule may be open to question, but please know that we hope you can find time to join us tomorrow night.
TT: We have not yet decided who will pick the movie, but it most likely will not be John again.
TG: i’ll try but i cant make any promises
TT: Alright.
TG: i have to go i've got some stuff i need to do
TT: Fair enough. Talk to you later?
TG: sure
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]