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James is listening to music when his phone buzzes. He’s been reverting to listening to lots of music to get him through the lockdown, staying away from the heavier end of his music collection because it reminds him too much of Ed, and sometimes thinking about Ed makes his chest ache in a way that should be concerning. It’s been months since they saw each other in person, and while their relationship had definitely got closer, James had never felt so far apart from anyone in his whole life. 

He picks up his phone to see a text from Ed. It just reads ‘Turn on the news.’ 

James frowns but pauses his music and turns on the TV. On the screen, the Prime Minister is talking. James only hears the first few words before his mind goes blank. He frantically texts Ed back. ‘Does that mean...’ 

He gets a reply in seconds. ‘I’ll be at yours first thing on Monday.’ James stares at the text again, brain exploding with the possibilities as the news continues to report on the end of the full lockdown in the background. 

On Monday morning, James is pacing around his flat. He spent most of the day before cleaning the flat from top to bottom, as well as making sure he had a decent supply of lube, purchased over the internet. He knows he shouldn’t be this nervous, it’s only Ed and they had more or less obliterated any barriers between them, aside from the obvious one. He still can’t help anxiously pacing, shifting things around the kitchen counter, fiddling with his phone. 

The sound of the buzzer startles him, and he races for it and answers with sweaty palms. ‘Hello?’ 

‘James?’ Eds voice through the entry phone makes James's heart leap in his chest. He fumbles for the button to let Ed into the building. ‘Come on up.’ He puts the phone down and rests his head against the wall, taking a deep, fortifying breath. So close now. 

There’s a knock at the door, and James is across the hallway and wrenching the door open before he realises that he’s moving. He stops, frozen at the sight in front of him. Ed is stood there, hands tucked around the straps of his rucksack, knuckles white. He’s breathing hard, he must have taken the stairs two at a time to get up them so fast and he’s as scruffy as he was when they last spoke over Skype, but somehow seeing him in the flesh takes James's breath away. He shifts in the doorway, looking as disbelieving as James feels. ‘Hey James. Can I come in?’ 

James nods and steps to one side to let Ed into the flat automatically, his brain still cataloguing every little detail. Eds voice sounds different without the distortion of the computer or phone line, and he gets a hit of his scent as he inhales, shower gel and moisturiser and a hint of pure Ed underneath it all. 

Ed slips his shoes off and drops his rucksack on the floor. James can see him fiddling with the insulin pen in his pocket, and he’s suddenly hit with a wave of affection. Ed is just as nervous about this as he is, and that comforts him in a strange way, that he’s not alone in this. He takes half a step forward, his hand coming up to reach for Eds face. Ed just stands there, eyes wide, fists clenched like he’s holding himself back from just grabbing at James. 

James's fingers pause, barely an inch away from Eds cheek. He feels like he’s in a dream, like he'll close the last bit of distance and Ed will just vanish, an illusion shimmering apart like smoke. He’s had this dream enough times, but something about the look in Eds eyes, the clench of his jaw convinces him that this is real. Eds lips part, his tongue swiping out to wet his lips and James swears he can feel the warmth of his breath on his fingertips. He closes the final bit of distance between them, his fingers skating along Eds cheek before cupping his jaw, his thumb brushing along his cheekbone like a caress. The warmth and roughness beneath his palm sends a shiver of sensation through him, and he exhales shakily. Ed closes his eyes and swallows, looking so overwhelmed that James's heart leaps, full to bursting. 

‘I love you.’

James doesn’t remember deciding to speak, the words just falling into the silent tension between them, a low murmur. Eds eyes fly open, and James finds himself totally captivated. He could be in the middle of Times Square in New York, or on stage at the biggest gig of his life, or in front of all his friends and family and every hero he’s ever had and he simply would not give anyone else a second thought. His whole world has narrowed down to him and Ed and the way Ed is looking at him, love and lust and awe all mingled together, like he can’t believe that this is really happening after being so long without it. 

James knows the feeling.

He can see the moment something in Ed snaps, has a moment to appreciate the determination that forms there before Ed reaches out and manhandles James backwards until he’s pressed up against the wall of his own hallway. Ed follows him, pressing his full body length against him, pinning James in place. One broad hand spans James's waist, edging down towards his hip. The other forearm is on the wall next to his head, caging him in, not that James had any intention of being anywhere other than right here. James's hand has migrated to the back of Eds neck, his fingers tangling in his hair and his other hand is broad across his back, revelling in just being able to touch. Eds mouth hovers over James's, the air between them growing damp with their breath. James makes a desperate sound in the back of throat, and Ed groans in return. ‘Fuck, you... James, I...’ James shifts, restless, and abruptly realises that he’s already hard, cock straining in his trousers, pressed against Ed so firmly that there’s no way he could miss it. Ed groans again, pressing harder to try and keep James still, his own cock a hard line against James's hip. His forehead presses against James's, and they both still, breathing heavy. 

Ed sighs against James's mouth. ‘If you stop distracting me for two seconds, I can tell you that I love you too.’ 

James feels his knees go weak, glad for the warm pressure of Ed keeping him pinned to the wall behind him to stop him from falling. Its one thing to know that Ed loves him, they’ve implied it enough that James knows it to be true, but actually hearing Ed say the words out loud settles something deep down, that final piece of doubt erased. James does the only thing he can think of. The hand in Eds hair tightens as he presses their mouths together, finally. 

Ed groans as James kisses him, the slight sting of James's grip in his hair a counterpoint to the sheer pleasure of having him pressed up against the wall. The kiss turns open mouthed and wild almost immediately, the desperation that Ed feels mirrored in the way James practically writhes against him, his free hand pressing firm between Eds shoulder blades before sweeping down to grab his ass, pulling him firmly. Ed sticks his tongue down James's throat in response, feeling his control slipping away as James just moans and sags against him. He rolls his hips hard as James spreads his legs wider, fitting them impossibly closer. 

The hand on James's waist slips down and under the hem of his shirt, sliding back up to finally find bare skin. James jolts like he’s been electrocuted, and Ed has to break the kiss to gasp for air. The warmth of James's skin sears into his palm and he abruptly needs them both to be naked, wants, no needs to touch and kiss all that skin that he’s been denied for so long. He tries to pull away but James makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, strong hands pulling Ed tight against him. He buries his face in the crook of Eds neck and starts pressing kisses there with the occasional sting of teeth. Ed feels his eyes roll back as he shifts, giving James better access to his neck. His hips have started rolling in a slow rhythm that he can’t quite control, and Ed can feel James's erection throb even through the layers of clothing between them. He groans as James finds a sensitive spot just under the hinge of his jaw and worries it with lips and tongue, tries to gain enough composure to string together a sentence. ‘James... Naked. Now.’

It’s not his best work, but it does the trick. James sucks in a shuddery breath against the damp skin of Eds neck, sending shivers through him. Ed takes a step back, and the sight that greets him takes his breath away. James looks totally ravished already, flushed and breathing hard, his trousers tenting obscenely as he leans heavily against the wall, one big hand splayed flat to try and hold himself up. Ed feels a magnetic pull to just return to where he was, press and rub himself against James until they both collapse into bliss. He resists it, knowing that the naked version of that would be infinitely more satisfying. He pulls his t-shirt off over his head, hoping that it will spur James into doing the same. 

James gets with the programme pretty quickly once Eds t-shirt hits the floor. He fumbles his shirt off and nearly breaks the zip on his trousers in his hurry. Ed is much the same, forcing himself to be careful with his own zip over his straining erection. James gets his trousers and underwear off, kicking his pants off one long leg with a flourish. Abruptly Ed finds himself laughing, both at the silliness of the action and the joy that they can finally do this, they can touch and kiss and everything in between, no distance between them. 

James looks put out at the laughter. ‘Oh that’s great for my self confidence.’ The petulant tone was ruined by an edge of breathlessness. Ed manages to swallow his laughter, but he’s still grinning widely as he gets his thumbs in his underwear and pushes both them and his trousers down and off. ‘Don’t be silly, you know I think you’re hot as fuck.’ James swallows hard but there’s a grin pulling up at the corner of his mouth. Ed reaches out for James, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from the wall and into his arms. ‘I’m just happy that we get to do this, that I can actually touch you.’ He runs a hand across James's chest and up to his neck, feeling James shiver at his touch and he shifts so they are pressed together. 

James gasps as their skin makes contact, broad chests and hard cocks brushing, and Ed wants to keep kissing him forever, but even as he tries his smile makes it impossible. His joy is infectious and James is soon laughing with him, both trying to kiss each other while beaming. 

Ed starts taking small steps back, shuffling them both towards the living room and the sofa that he knows is there. He can’t bear to make the long trip down the hallway to James's bedroom, not when he has everything he wants right there. James allows himself to be led, hands brushing every piece of skin he can reach. Ed shivers as James traces the tattoo on his upper arm, the joy turning to desire the longer they stand there. They’re properly kissing now, the desire building again as they touch and caress each other. 

Ed feels the back of his legs hit the sofa, and he breaks the kiss just long enough to sit down heavily, leaving James standing in front of him. James looks down at him with such a look of wonder that Ed feels himself blush. He reaches out for James to pull him on top of him, missing the touch of skin on skin already, but James just bats his hand away before sinking gracefully to his knees. 

Ed gasps as James settles himself between his spread thighs, James’s big hands splayed wide over his tattoos and he encourages Ed to slump down on the sofa, spread his legs wider so James can fit his broad shoulders between them. James looks absolutely enraptured, his tongue coming out to wet his lips in anticipation and Ed feels himself twitch under his heated gaze. ‘James...’ Ed is surprised by how pleading he sounds. 

James shakes his head. ‘Wanna taste you, been too long without it. Need to feel you on my tongue.’ One hand slides up Eds thigh to wrap around his cock, and he shifts so that the head just rests on his bottom lip. He looks up at Ed through his eyelashes, eyes wide and pleading. ‘Can I?’ His breath ghosts across the damp head. 

‘Fuck!’ Ed spits the word out, James’s touch and pleading and coy gaze sending a sharp bolt of lust through him. He tangles one hand in James's hair, watching as his eyes close in pleasure. ‘Yes,  fucking love you so much, can’t deny you anything.’ James's eyes pop open again, the joy and love shining there making something sing in Eds chest. Without further ado James opens his mouth wider and swallows half of Eds cock down in one go. Ed shouts at the sensation, and he swears he can feel James's mouth curve into a grin even as he starts to move. 

Ed loses himself for a moment, lost in the tight heat of James's mouth, the flicker of his tongue around the head as he pulls back, the sheer enthusiasm of the whole act. Ed has to remind himself that James had never given a blowjob before they had got together, as James shifts the hand around Eds cock and takes him deeper still, only gagging slightly as the head reaches the back of his throat. Eds grip on James’s hair tightens without meaning to, the sensations overwhelming, but it just makes James moan, the vibrations magnifying everything a thousand fold. Ed realises that his eyes have closed, his head lolling against the back of the sofa, and he forces his eyes open and looks down, not wanting to miss anything. The sight takes his breath away. James looks blissed out, eyes closed in rapture and slick, red mouth stretched obscenely around Eds cock. Ed watches his cock disappear into that mouth as James bobs his head, fascinated, and it takes him far too long to notice that James's other hand is busy on his own cock. Ed gasps, the thought of James being so turned on by sucking him that he had to touch himself sends him perilously close to the edge. 

He gasps out James's name and pulls him back with the hand in his hair, too far gone to be as gentle as he would have liked. James gives a disappointed whine which makes Eds cock twitch, but he sits back on his heels, hand still busy on his own cock. His eyes are glassy and damp when he opens them, and Ed has to stroke his own cock at the sight. He doesn’t know how many times he’s seen this on his laptop screen, but he realises now that it has never done it justice. James is flushed and panting, his hand furious on his weeping cock. The laptop never picked up the little gasps he makes with every breath, the heat in the air between them, the scent of sweat and sex heavy in the air. 

Ed forces himself to stop, grabbing at James to stop him as well. ‘C'mon, get up here. Need to touch you too.’ 

James moans but complies, unfolding himself from his knees with the sort of coordination that Ed could never manage if the tables were turned. He quickly straddles Ed, leaning down to kiss him as he settles his weight on Eds thighs. Ed groans as he tastes himself on James, his hands roaming on James’s back, one sweeping up to tangle in his hair again, causing James to shudder and twitch. His other hand finds James's ass and pulls him closer, pressing their cocks together and causing him to gasp into the kiss. James just rolls his hips, so clearly desperate that Ed feels it like a visceral, tangible thing. His hips start thrusting as well, and they soon fall into a shuddering rhythm. 

Ed feels the pleasure building higher, can tell that James is as close as he is by the hitching of his breath and the constant stream of moans coming from him. He glances down and nearly comes at the sight of their cocks pressed up against each other. He reaches and grips both their cocks together tightly, the precome from both of them slicking the way. James gasps, bringing his own hand down to join Eds. Their fingers interlock and Ed rests his forehead on James's shoulder, unable to stop himself from watching. James does the same, and somehow that feels more intimate than anything else, this private little sanctuary they’ve built, James panting wordless noises directly in his ear. 

The moment can’t last forever, as much as Ed would like it to. All too soon he can feel his orgasm approaching, and with one slick twist from their joined hands he comes, coating their hands and stomachs. James gasps in his ear. ‘Fuck, Ed...’ He trails off into a deep groan as he comes too, the throb of his cock pressed next to Eds sending pulses of aftershocks through him. He has the presence of mind to keep his hand moving slowly, wringing every bit of sensation from both of their bodies until James collapses against him, totally spent. 

They both sit there for a moment, catching their breath. Ed can feel their mingled come on his hand, trapped between their bodies, but with James warm on top of him, he can’t bring himself to care. His other hand is soft in James's hair, gently petting him and causing James to let out a hum of satisfaction. Ed sighs, feeling a warm glow of contentment fill him. He nuzzles the side of James's face, getting a ‘Humph' in response that has him smiling. He shifts to move his trapped hand, but James tightens his grip, and Ed realises that they are still holding hands between their bodies. He pulls again and James lets out an annoyed noise. ‘C'mon, let’s get cleaned up.’ His voice is soft, not wanting to break the spell that had fallen over them. James grunts. ‘I’m comfy.’ 

Ed chuckles softly. ‘I know, but if you move we can get cleaned up and then cuddle as much as you want.’ James nods at this, and between them they carefully untangle their limbs. James stands on shaky legs, stumbling back into the hallway and returning with Eds discarded t-shirt. Ed rolls his eyes as James cleans their come off his stomach. ‘Thanks for that.’

James just grins. ‘Oh shut up. As if you don’t have a change of clothes in your bag.’ He throws the t-shirt at Eds head, which Ed manages to catch. Ed grins. ‘More than one change of clothes, as long as I’m allowed to stay.’ He focusses on wiping himself as clean as he can manage, suddenly nervous about assuming he could stay over as long as he wanted. He glances up as James crosses the room and takes the soiled t-shirt away from him, throwing it over his shoulder back towards the rest of their clothes in the hallway. He cradles Eds face in one big hand and forces Ed to look at him. Ed is relieved to see a fond smile on James's face. ‘You're welcome to stay as long as you want, I’m not going to kick you out.’ James kisses him softly, a gentle press of lips but conveying more than could be put into words. Ed is embarrassed to feel himself welling up, the intensity of the emotions inside of him taking him by surprise, now that the lust had been sated. James pulls back, but his smile turns into a frown as he sees how emotional Ed is. Before he can say anything Ed shakes his head. ‘I’m fine, just...’ He pauses, lost for words. James smiles again. ‘Yeah. I love you too.’

Ed smiles, before shifting until he’s laying along the sofa. ‘Come here.’ James climbs on top of him, carefully rearranging his gangly limbs until they’re both comfy, James's head resting on Eds chest and their legs tangled together. James is warm on top of him, but Ed manages to grab the soft blanket from the back of the sofa and drapes it over them, just in case James gets cold later. James just snuggles in closer, his fingers idly drawing patterns on Eds skin. It takes Ed a while to realise that James is tracing hearts over and over again, and he can’t suppress a chuckle. One of his own hands finds its way to James's hip, while the other digs gently into his hair, rubbing his scalp. He feels James melt against him, all tension draining out of him and he presses a soft kiss against the top of his head. He knows in the back of his mind that the world will be getting back to normal after the lockdown, and he has lots of people to visit and calls to make, but right now, as James shifts against him with a sigh, it all seems inconsequential. He has everything he needs right here in his arms, and there’s no place he would rather be. 

He barely notices as he drifts off to sleep, content. 

Chapter Text

Ed shuffles out of the bathroom and heads for James's bedroom, reflecting on their first day out of lockdown. After their impromptu nap, they had both showered (individually, although Ed had been tempted to join James) and spent some time actually being productive. Ed had brought his laptop with him and they had both sat next to each other on the sofa, answering emails and figuring out how to get life back to something approaching normal, their knees brushing. Ed had raided James's fridge and managed to cook them a decent dinner from what he had found there, James's pleased noises making something warm settle in his chest as they ate. After dinner they had put a film on Netflix, although Ed could not have told you anything about it if you held a gun to his head. He was far more focussed on James curled into his side, cuddled up under the blanket. He buried his face in James's hair, breathing in the scent of James's shampoo, before pressing a soft kiss there. That made James look up, and the look of adoration on his face gave Ed no choice but to kiss him, slow and soft. James made a pleased noise in the back of his throat, and they spent the rest of the film lazily making out, not in any rush to take things any further, just luxuriating in being able to touch and kiss as much as they wanted. 

It had taken them far too long to realise that the film had finished, and James had pulled back with a shy smile. His lips were red and shiny, but before Ed could capture them in another kiss, James had risen from the sofa. ‘Lets go to bed.’ 

They had taken turns in the bathroom, and as Ed enters James's bedroom he can’t help but smile. James has turned on the bedside lamp, and has already stripped down to his underwear. Ed quickly does the same, throwing his clothes in a heap with James's before stepping close, reaching out to touch his skin. James cups his face and they kiss for a long moment, before he pulls back. ‘So, the last few months you’ve been pretty fixated on me fucking you, so I was wondering...’ 

Ed is nodding before he even finishes. ‘Yeah, I want that.’ He leans in and kisses James's neck, feeling his cock stir in his underwear at the thought. James sighs, threading a hand through Eds hair. Ed smirks and bites gently, feeling James react against him. He pulls back just enough to murmur in his ear. ‘Want you to fuck me, want to feel that big cock filling me up.’ James groans, pulling Ed back for a deep kiss. They grind together for a moment, Ed feeling James harden against his thigh, feeling himself harden in response until they are both flushed and breathing hard into the kiss. He gasps as James brings one big hand around to grab his ass over his underwear, before slipping under the waistband to touch bare skin. As James's thumb just dips into the crease, barely pressing in, Ed feels a shiver of sensation run up his spine. He feels James grinning into the kiss, but he can’t bring himself to complain when James's other hand joins in, kneading his ass until Ed feels like it’s the only thing keeping him upright. He groans and James groans back, before taking a step away. Ed hears himself whine in disappointment, but James just smiles. ‘Go get comfy.’ Ed nods, anticipation curling in his veins. 

He turns and moves to the bed, sitting on the edge before hesitating. He’s not sure how James wants to do this, he’s vaguely aware that it will probably be easier if he was on his hands and knees, but something deep inside chafes at the idea. He glances up as James's hand lands on his shoulder, his expression soft. He leans down and kisses him before guiding Ed down on to his back in the middle of the bed. He smiles, shy. ‘I want to see your face.’

Ed blushes slightly, but settles down, secretly glad. He wants to see James too, be able to touch him and be close to him, after so long apart. He looks over at James who is rummaging in his bedside drawer, pulling out the bottle of lube with a flourish that makes something ache in Eds chest. God, he loves James so much. He fiddles with the waistband of his underwear, watching as James closes the drawer and puts the lube down on the bed, in easy reach. ‘These on or off?’ 

James pauses, raking his eyes over Ed, lingering on the tent in his underwear with a hunger that Ed feels like a physical touch. He shifts against the sheets which seems to snap James out of his trance. ‘Off.’ Ed nods, lifting his hips up to get them off, watching James do the same out of the corner of his eye. Once they are both naked James crawls on top of Ed, sweeping his hair off his forehead before kissing him deeply. Ed sighs as he feels James's weight settle on top of him, hands coming up to touch as much skin as he can reach, James's smooth back and broad shoulders, holding him in place. James pulls back before burying his face in the crook of Eds neck, finding the same sensitive spot under the hinge of Eds jaw from earlier. Ed groans, but when he moves to reciprocate, the column of James's neck just begging to be kissed, James shifts away. Ed makes a disappointed noise, but James just slowly kisses along his right collarbone. There’s a reverence in James's actions that makes all the emotion swell in Eds chest, and sends tingles across his skin. James reaches his shoulder, before taking his arm in one big palm and kissing the tattoo on his bicep. He presses another kiss to the tattoo on his forearm before nuzzling against Eds palm. Ed curves his hand around James's face tenderly. James looks at him, maintaining eye contact as he gently kisses the centre of Eds palm. ‘Wanna worship you, love you. If that’s OK?’ 

Ed gasps, nodding before he even realises he’s doing it. ‘Yeah, god, love you so much.’ James smiles, the happiest Ed has ever seen him. ‘Love you too. Let me show you.’ He kisses Eds palm again, then the inside of his wrist, each touch soft and loving. Ed is aware that he is nervous, a part of him scared of the intensity of the feelings rushing through him. His skin is already hypersensitive, every place James touches or kisses leaving goosebumps in his wake. James kisses his way back to Eds neck, grazing his teeth there and making Ed shudder. James swaps to the other side, no haste in his actions, reminding Ed with each caress that they have all the time in the world. He reaches Eds other hand, kissing his wrist before sucking Eds thumb into his mouth. Ed gasps, his hips bucking, an extra jolt of pleasure running through him as James grinds his own erection against Eds hip. He feels James swirl his tongue against the pad of his thumb as he pulls back, brushing against his bottom lip. James has a satisfied smile on his face, and he moves to the next finger along. 

‘God, I love your hands.’ James's voice is a low rumble, skating across Eds skin. ‘Love how big they are, love how good they feel holding me.’ Ed watches, wide-eyed, as James kisses each of his fingers in turn. He realises that he’s holding his breath and lets it out in a shaky exhale, feeling like he’s fraying at the edges.  He doesn’t know how he’s going to cope if James is going to talk to him the whole way through, he’s already overwhelmed by James's actions. 

James returns to Eds mouth, kissing him softly. Ed leans up, chasing his lips, trying to deepen the kiss, but James pulls back again, teasing. Ed hears himself whine and flushes, embarrassed by how needy he is, but James just smiles. ‘Patience.’ He briefly kisses Ed again. ‘I love your passion, love how passionate you get over food and music and comedy.’ He shifts lower, kissing across Eds chest. ‘Love how much you trust me to make you feel good.’ A kiss directly over Eds racing heart. ‘Love how much you love me.’ A sweep of tongue over Eds nipple. ‘Love how responsive you are, how needy.’ 

Ed arches, James's words and touches reaching something deep inside him. He feels flayed open, vulnerable, every nerve ending singing under James's hands and mouth. He can only gasp out James's name, hopelessly overwhelmed. James smiles up at him, one hand smoothing along Eds side. ‘Yeah.' He keeps kissing further down, across the expanse of Eds belly. ‘I love how you’ll never have a six-pack, no matter how much you try.’ Ed huffs out a laugh, but he can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He’s always known that James feels things more intensely than he does but this brings it home, how overcome he is compared to how James seems perfectly comfortable, a role reversal from the dirty talk they were used to. 

Ed spreads his legs, allowing James to settle between them. James presses a kiss to Eds hip. ‘Love your taste, your scent.’ He kisses the inside of Eds thigh, thumb brushing against his tattoo. ‘Love your thighs, can’t wait to feel them wrapped around me when I fuck you.’ Ed moans, somehow he had forgotten what this was leading to, so caught up in the moment. His cock takes the opportunity to remind him, throbbing as James's cheek brushes against it as he kisses the base. ‘Love how you don’t try and hide anything from me, I know exactly how much you want me right now.’ James's breath ghosts over Eds cock and he twitches, trying to get some relief, but James just kisses the tip. ‘Love your cock, love how it feels in my mouth, against my tongue.’ He swirls his tongue around the head, a slow filthy lick that has Ed keening before pulling away again, reaching for the lube. Ed feels like his whole world has narrowed down to James as he pops the cap off and squeezes the slick liquid onto his fingers, rubbing them to warm them. Ed feels his breathing speed up, his thighs falling open even further in anticipation. He sees James notice, a grin pulling at his mouth. ‘God, you really want this, don’t you?’ 

Ed just nods, trying to form words. All he manages is a gasp as James brings his fingers to his hole, spreading the lube around before pressing one finger inside. 

James is shaking as he slides one finger deep inside Eds ass, although he doesn’t think Ed has noticed. Seeing him so overwhelmed is glorious, all inhibitions stripped away, panting and whining as James touches him. It wakes something protective deep in James, helps him keep himself together to look after Ed as he falls apart. He feels utterly helpless to it, unable to stop the words falling from his mouth, every secret thought from the last few months murmured against Eds skin, Eds honest reactions spurring him to say more and more, lay himself bare for Ed much as Ed is doing for him. 

‘James...’ Eds shaky voice draws James's attention back to what he’s doing. Ed is watching him, eyes wide and dark. James has never seen Ed so transparent, the love and desire and need so clear on his face that it makes James gasp. He rubs his free hand against Eds hip, soothing him even as he begins to move the finger inside him. ‘God I love your ass, feels so good in my hands, going to feel amazing when I get my cock inside you.’ Ed groans, arching his hips up, driving James's finger deeper. James shakes his head, disbelieving. ‘God, you’re such a slut for it aren't you? Want me inside you so bad.’ 

Eds reaction is incredible, eyes squeezed shut and hips twitching. James sees his lips moving, but it takes him a second to realise what he’s saying, and when he does it punches the air out of him. 

‘Please, James please, want you, need you, please, fuck me, please...’ Eds voice is barely a whisper but once James is tuned into it, it’s all he can hear. He groans and grabs for Eds hand, interlocking their fingers and feeling Ed's desperation in the strength of his grip. ‘Yeah, gonna look after you, gonna give you what you want, don’t worry.’ He slides a second finger in, feels Ed grip his hand harder, his begging changing to ‘Yes' and ‘More’ and ‘Please’. James can’t quite believe the heat and tightness around his fingers as he begins to finger Ed properly, desperately not thinking about fucking him to avoid losing all control himself. He wants this to be good for Ed, for both of them, but it’s difficult not to rush when Ed is this responsive, shuddering and twitching with every movement. 

James twists his fingers, stretching Ed out as best he can, when Ed swears loudly, his body jolting as if he had been electrocuted. James realises that he must have brushed against Eds prostate by accident, and with a dark thrill he crooks his fingers, deliberately looking for it. He knows when he finds it by Eds reaction, eyes wide and unseeing, a litany of ‘Fuck's on his lips. Eds cock is incredibly hard, leaking at the tip, and James watches fascinated as each movement of his fingers causes an answering throb, an extra pulse of precome. Suddenly Ed gasps out. ‘Stop!’ James freezes instantly, looking at Eds face with concern. Ed swallows hard. ‘...’M close, wanna come with you inside me.’ 

James sucks in a breath, feeling his control unravelling. He nods. ‘Yeah, gonna give you what you need.’ He carefully withdraws his fingers from Eds body, ignoring his whine of disappointment and reaches for the lube to slick himself up. He quickly realises that he needs both hands, and has to pull his other hand free of Eds grip with a quick squeeze. He gasps as the lube hits his overheated skin, realising how hard he is as he coats himself, wiping his hand on the sheets as he discards the lube bottle to one side. He shifts to line himself up, one hand guiding himself into Eds body, the other pressed directly over Eds heart. He groans deep in his chest as Ed opens up, muscles relaxing to let him in. ‘God, so tight, so good, love how perfect you feel, so perfect for me, god Ed love you so much...’ He sighs as he slides all the way in, as deep as he can go, pausing once he gets there to just bask in the feeling. Ed is hot and tight around him, muscles fluttering as his body adjusts. 

Ed had fallen silent as James pushed into him. James glances up to check on him and freezes. Ed is crying, and James watches in horror as one fat tear rolls down his face and onto the pillow below him. ‘Shit, Ed are you OK? Do you need me to stop?’ 

Ed just shakes his head. ‘No, no, I’m good.’ James leans down to brush the tears away with his thumb, settling deeper in as he does and trapping Eds cock between their bodies. Ed lets out a sob, twitching underneath James. ‘Are you sure? We can take a break if you need to.’ James isn’t sure if he could bear to take a break, not when he’s finally buried inside Ed and it feels so good, but he has to offer. He feels a wave of relief when Ed shakes his head again. ‘No, don’t stop. It’s just... It’s a lot.’ He angrily swipes at his eyes and James grabs one wrist to stop him. ‘Hey, it’s OK.’ Ed just gives a wry smile. ‘Sorry, I’m not usually like this. I mean, I knew it would be intense, but not this...’ He pauses, searching for the words. ‘...overwhelming. God, I love you so much I feel like I could burst.’ James smiles, feeling the relief and joy flow through him. ‘Yeah, love you too.’ He shifts, fighting the urge to fuck into the tight heat surrounding his cock, but it just makes Ed gasp. James groans. ‘Can I?’ Ed nods. ‘Yeah, please.’ 

James starts to move, slowly withdrawing from Eds body only to push back in carefully. He sets up a slow rhythm, partially to make sure he wasn’t hurting Ed but mostly to stop himself from coming straight away. Ed sighs, a whispered ‘Yes...’ that has James fighting to keep his pace slow. He leans down to kiss Ed to distract himself, but all that does is encourage Ed to bring his hands up to touch James wherever he can reach. Ed hooks one leg around James’s hip, opening himself up more and James sinks in even deeper, a different angle that has Ed writhing beneath him. He groans into the kiss, feeling his control slipping away like sand through his fingers as he begins to speed up. ‘God, Ed, so fucking perfect, feels like you were made for me, god, love you so much...’ He can’t stop the flow of words and given the way Ed groans and trembles with every endearment, he doesn’t try. 

All too soon, he feels his orgasm building and he holds it back as best he can, wanting Ed to come first, wanting this to be good for both of them. They’ve given up on kissing by now, simply panting and groaning into each other’s mouths as they move together. One particularly hard thrust causes Ed to let out a loud cry, and James feels the hot pulse of his cock between their bodies as Ed comes, the tightness around his cock and the feel of Ed shaking with the force of it causing a vicious thrill of satisfaction to run through him. He forces himself to slow down, drawing out Eds orgasm until he relaxes all at once, and James pauses, buried deep again. Ed has his eyes closed and a huge grin on his face, which James feels himself mirroring, even as he fights the urge to thrust until he loses himself. Eds eyes flicker open and his smile widens. ‘That was incredible.’ He shifts and his brow furrows as he realises that James hasn’t come yet. ‘Why'd you stop?’ 

James glances down, sheepish. ‘Wanted to check you were OK, not too sensitive.’ He’s already flushed and sweaty, but somehow feels himself blush even more as Ed rolls his eyes, his expression fond. ‘You idiot. I’m fine, and I really want you to come inside me.’ James's hips twitch without his permission, and the grin that grows on Eds face could be best described as evil. ‘You like that? Like hearing how I want you to come inside me, mess me up, mark me as yours?’ 

James groans and starts moving again, unable to help himself as Eds words burrow into him. He wasn’t possessive by nature, but something deep inside him wants to claim Ed and be claimed by him in turn. He hears Ed chuckle against his ear as he buries his head in Eds shoulder and lets his control unravel. ‘Yeah, that’s it. Want you to let go for me James, fill me up, make me yours.’ Ed pulls James in closer with the leg wrapped around his hip, thigh tensing and James buries himself in as deep as possible and comes with a shout. 

He’s never felt an orgasm this powerful before, like everything he is, all his need and desire and love is pouring out of him and into Ed. It’s all he can do to shudder and shake his way through it, hips twitching occasionally with aftershocks. It takes him quite a while to come back to himself and register Eds hands stroking his back and his hair, sending a shiver down his spine. He pulls his face from where it was buried in the crook of Eds neck to kiss him, slow and languid, feeling the last of the aftershocks subside. He pulls out slowly, swallowing Eds gasp before shifting on to his knees. He makes the mistake of glancing down, and the sight of his come leaking from Eds hole, Eds own come covering his stomach, is one that he knows he will return to if he’s ever in a lonely hotel room on tour again. 

He slumps down onto the bed and Ed pulls him close as they cuddle together, their breathing returning to something approaching normal. James shifts. ‘You want a tissue to clean up?’ Ed shakes his head, not making eye contact. ‘Not yet, I kinda like being full of your come.’ James buries his face in the nearest part of Eds skin he can reach. ‘Jesus Christ Ed! You can’t say things like that, not when I can’t fuck you again straight away.’ Ed laughs. ‘Sorry, but it’s true.’ 

They lay there in silence for a while, before Ed shifts. ‘Ok, now it’s crossed over into uncomfortable.’ James chuckles but sits up to reach for the tissues on his bedside table. He passes a few over to Ed before cleaning himself up and throwing the tissue in the direction of the bin. Ed does the same and they climb under the covers as James turns the light off. They curl up facing each other, and James reaches for Eds hand in the dark, finding it and pressing a sleepy kiss to his knuckles. ‘I love you.’ Ed sighs and settles closer, his thumb rubbing softly across the back of James's hand. ‘Love you too.’ He yawns. ‘Goodnight James.’ 

James smiles, contentment filling his veins and already sliding into sleep. ‘Goodnight Ed.’