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See You Again (Old Friend)

Chapter Text

Harley loved shopping. 

She didn’t really enjoy paying all the time but shopping was one of her favorite past times. It was still taking a bit of time to get Cass to enjoy it as much as she did but as they ran away from a popular brand named clothing store that shall not be named, the younger girl smiled wide and laughed loudly as they rounded the corner. She sounded so maniacal when she laughed.

Harley absolutely loved it. 

Harley loved a lot of things. The rush of getting away with petty crime. The wind in her hair as she rolled down a neighborhood in her rollerblades. The best fucking egg sandwich in the world. The way Bruce rolled over when she pet him. Her new friends’ quirks. 

Like how Helena laughed at her puns (as long as she kept them pretty simple) or how Dinah was able to hold great banter or how Renée drank like a 300-pound sumo wrestler. 

But one thing Harley didn’t like was to get caught. Especially by the Bats. 

Harley and Cass came to a screeching halt as a dark figure stood in the dark alley in front of them. His cape was flowing in the one and only breeze that hissed in the alley and Harley could have sworn she heard a deep brass trumpet riff in the distance. 

“Holy shit,” Harley placed her hand over her heart, recognizing the vigilante quickly. She laughed, “You scared the shit out of me.”

He stepped out of the dark and yep it was the Batman, trying his hardest to look tougher than he really was. 

Harley swore she once saw him shed a tear when she smacked him particularly hard with a hammer a couple of years back. He’s a softy. 

“Harley Quinn.” He let out like a smokers cough. 

Harley reflexively moved Cass behind her, not so much afraid of the Bats but ready to protect the kid from getting involved with him. She remembered what happened to Deadshot when he was walking his kid, the Bats had no cool about these things. 

Plus with the whole punching her in the face and throwing her into Belle Reve without a second thought thing; it kind of left a sour spot between her and the ol’ Batjerk, “Yeah?”

“You’re already getting into trouble?” He motioned to the bags in her hand. 

“Maybe.” Harley gave a crooked smile. There was no way she was going back to that prison over a pair of shorts, “What’s it to yah? Aren’t there bigger fish to fry than little ol’ me?”

He nodded, “Yes. That’s why I’m here.”

He reached behind his cape and pulled out a large plant, the head of one of those fly trap things but larger than Harley had ever seen. 

He lifted it higher for her, “Where is she?”

“Who?” Harley titled her head as she stared at the plant.

Then it hit her. Her smile disappeared, “She’s in Gotham?”

“Who?” Cass echoed from behind her. 

Batguy looked between them both before sighing and tossing the plant to the side. The way it slapped against the concrete made Harley cringe. 

“If you see her-“

“What? Send you a text?” Harley rolled her eyes. 

“Something like that.” 

“Even if I knew where she was, I wouldn’t tell you hot shit.” Harley snarled. 

He smirked, well maybe he smirked it was fairly dark tonight, “You might change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

“Try to stay out of trouble,” And then he turned back into the shadows and literally disappeared in front of their eyes. 

“Whatever,” Harley grumbled to herself as she kicked a box near her before she stomped out of the alleyway, “Stupid, nosey, bat asshole.”

She made it pretty far down the block before realizing someone was following her and asking her questions. 

“What the fuck just happened? Who the hell was he talking about?” Cass asked as she tried to keep up with Harley’s pace. 

“Nothin.’” Harley sighed, “The older you get and the longer you stay in this city, the more you’ll be seeing him. You can be minding your own business and boom! The Bats is here to ruin your day or even your next couple of years cause I guess you’re heading to prison now. The balls on that guy thinking I would help him with anything! Ha!”

“But help him with what though?” Cass turned slightly as to not bump into a passerby and was almost in a light jog as she tried to keep up.

 “Nothing! No one! A friend. Ex-friend. I don’t want to talk about it.” Harley pouted as she turned them in a familiar direction towards her apartment.

“You don’t?” Cass asked incredulously. 

Harley kept her mouth shut as they made it the rest of the way, a solum feeling trying to sink into her bloodstream as she tried to avoid thoughts popping into her head. 

They finally made it to the apartment and Cass’s questions didn’t stop until Harley closed her bedroom door in an effort to separate herself from the inquisitive teen. 

Hopefully, there was enough food in the apartment to distract the younger girl for a few hours until Harley could get her mind past this. 

Harley waited until she heard the murmurs from the television before she dove under her bed and pulled a small metal box from under it. She grabbed at the lock, sighing loudly. She had lost the key ages ago after a few too many surprise apartment moves and now she felt useless against the metal device. 

She pulled at it. 

She yanked at it. 

Then chuckled at herself before grabbing the digital clock that came with the apartment and bashing the lock until it popped open. 

She smiled at her success and chucked the clock behind her as she opened the box and dug around. She pulled out the keys to the place she had once shared for a small amount of time and the postcard collected from a road trip. She squeezed a miniature plushie that was given to her for her birthday. 

Her fingers found it before her eyes, a Polaroid of her and her old best friend. 

In the picture, they were in the middle of laughing at something that Harley couldn’t remember but it was enough for her to grab a camera and have them take a selfie while it happened. It was sunny out. 

Harley danced a finger against the picture, remembering how her old friend would smile when she was genuinely happy and the smell of her deep red hair after a shower and the softness of her cheek. 

Harley remembered the last time she saw Pamela. 

It was raining and they were at an airport, Harley was about to get onto a plane. They were both wearing fedoras and tan peacoats. Even though the sky was black and grey, the color of Pamela’s hair looked amazing tonight. 

A henchman grabbed for Harley’s things and that’s when she noticed that Pamela’s suitcase was missing. 

Dramatic violin music swelled as she looked over to Pamela, stepping close to her with her eyebrows knitted together. 

Pamela could always read her easily and responded with a nod, “You’re getting on that plane.”

“I don’t understand,” Harley gasped out, “What about you?”

“I’m staying until the plane gets safely away.”

“No, Red, no! What happened? Last night-“

“Last night we said a great many things,” it was true. The night before they had been the most honest with one another and promised a lot of things that the outside world probably wouldn’t ever get the chance to hear, “You said I was to do the thinking for both of us and well... I’ve done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing.”

Pam placed a finger under Harley’s chin and tilted her head. Their eyes connected as Harley waited for her to continue. 

Pam’s eyes began to water but they also hardened as she said, “I can’t do this anymore, Harley.”

Harley froze, the music that was swelling behind them screeched to an abrupt stop. 

“If you go back to him,” Pam whispered, “I’m done.”


“I can’t be around for that anymore. I can’t watch you hurt yourself anymore.”

“You’re not,” Harley stumbled over her words, “You’re not supposed to say that. Say that we still have Paris or something. Say your line, Red.”

“I can’t watch you hurt yourself anymore,” Pam repeated. 

Harley shook her head hard, shaking that from her vision. That’s not what she wanted to remember. She had practiced this a million times and even had a point of reference for where to go with their lines. Why couldn't their last goodbye be romantic or heartfelt? Why did it have to feel so definite? Why couldn’t she just remember something different? 

She looked back down at the picture, her fingers were crumbling the sides of it. 

Was Ivy really in Gotham? Did she really dump Harley so completely from her life that she wouldn’t even tell her when she came back? 

Maybe it’s what she deserved. 

“Harley. Harley!” 

Harley snapped her eyes up and everyone was looking at her. She took a second to assess her surroundings. 

She was now in a diner with the girls and by the way the plates on the table were empty, they had been there for a while.

“Harley?” It was Dinah calling her from across the booth. She looked concerned. 

“Hmm?” Harley answered just as a waitress came to the booth. The woman set down a few bowls of ice cream for the table and Harley smiled as she scooted one of the desserts to herself, “Oo, ice cream!”

Harley picked up a spoon and dug right in. 

“Well, whenever Harley comes back to us we’ll get into that part of the plan.” Dinah sighed before scooting one of the desserts towards Cass and the other towards Helena. 

“We’ll figure the rest out later when I have my files on hand.” Renee finished the conversation before all eyes went straight back to Harley. 

She took a few moments to scuff down most of the ice cream before she couldn’t take more of the silence, “I got something on my face or what?”

“First off, yes,” Dinah answered as she rested an arm on the back of the booth behind Helena, who gave a small smile once it happened, “Second, what's going on?”

Harley snorted, “Going on with what?”

“With you, smartass.” Renee rolled her eyes and moved a beer bottle to her lips, “The kid told us you got visited by Batman last week.”

“Last week?” Harley questioned. She was sure that that happened today. Or at least yesterday.

“Yeah, last week, which is why I’m guessing you’ve been doom and gloom all week long. That shit is usually Helena’s thing but I guess you’re trying it out for size.”

“I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about,” Harley said as she scooped a spoon full of her ice cream. 

“Got no clue, huh?” Renee placed the bottle back on the table and leaned forward, “So who’s this woman he was asking you about?”

Harley tried to give a reassuring smile that she could only feel forming on one side of her mouth, “Got no clue.”

“Harley.” Helena sighed disapprovingly. 

Harley sighed back, “Oh my God, what's with you guys? Nothing’s going on!”

“The lady has something to do with giant plants.” Cass spilled. 

“You know what we say about snitches.” Harley hissed at the younger girl. 

“Oh shit, does he think Poison Ivy's back in town?” Renee commented with a smirk and her stupid, super-smart cop brain that could guess almost anything right. 

“Holy crap!” Dinah perked up and looked over to the older woman, “What would that mean if she’s back in town?”

“Well, she’s all about saving the environment and crap. Doesn’t seem like we’ll be going face-to-face with her anytime soon. Especially with the goons we’ve been seeing recently.”

“What if we could get her to join? Or to help out like with how Harley does? With her abilities...” Dinah let out a low whistle. 

“She probably wouldn’t be up to it if Batman’s riding her tail,” Renee then turned back to Harley, “Unless you can talk to her. You were friends, right?”

“Nope. Still ain’t got one fucking clue what you broads are talking about and you know what else?” Harley stood up from the booth, “I’m not having any fun so I’m gonna go.”

She turned to walk away and heard Cass ask if she could come along. Instead of answering Harley walked out of the diner. 

Three hours later and Harley started to really not have any fun. 

Drinking by yourself isn’t fun. Especially when everyone knows who you are in the bar and keep trying to bother or fight you. Harley had gotten a total of six free shots and had hit four people before she was thrown out of her second bar. 

She stumbled into the only park in Gotham, tripping over an overly large rock before giving up and laying in a small patch of grass. She watched the clouds round the sky as she dug her pale fingers into the dirt below her. 

The dirt was quite solid until she dug her fingers deeper and suddenly she reached the warmth. Pamela taught her about soil once upon a time, told her that it’s the main foundation for any plant to grow. And that there was a big difference between soil and dirt. 

“Fuck this.” Harley pushed herself up.

If Ivy wasn’t gonna come to Harley then Harley was gonna come to her. 

But first, she had to find her. 

Chapter Text

First things first Harley needed to get sober. 

But that could wait, so second things first; what was Ivy doing that was so bad that Batman had to get involved?

If Harley could figure that part out then maybe she could pinpoint where Ivy’s next move would be because (though the older woman would probably deny it) the gal was predictable. Maybe not for the Batman, but Harley could almost always tell what that woman was gonna do in terms of super evil bad guy stuff. 

Not so much what she was gonna do in her personal life but super evil bad guy stuff, Harley could guess it. 

There were only three ways to find out what the redhead was up to and Harley wasn’t gonna go searching for the Batman and she wasn’t gonna ask Renee to call in a favor from her police friends. 

So, Harley found herself slipping through the window of a house out of town that she was supposed to not know about. 

She made it through the window but not without tipping over a small table and smashing something expensive onto the floor. 

Harley paused, wondering if maybe she had been caught. 

A light switched on in the room and both her and the house owner screamed in fear. 

The house owner was the first to recover, “Harley Quinn?”

“Hey there, Selina.  Or should I say,” Harley paused for dramatic effect, “Pussy Galore!”

“It’s Catwoman, you fucking-“ Selina froze, “How did you know? How did you find me?”

“A woman never tells all but I will say,” Harley started to circle the room closer to the other woman, grazing a finger over expensive furniture and artworks, “I may have seen a certain old friend of yours and we may have gotten drunk together and he may have spilled the beans. Take your pick on who you think it was.”

She paused in front of the other woman and raised her eyebrows, challenging her to guess. Truthfully she had followed Selina home after a particularly exciting night filled with explosions and jewelry, but Harley was genuinely curious who the other woman would pick. 

Selina’s eyes narrowed, “Why are you here?”

Harley sighed but wasn't surprised that Selina wasn't playing along. She never usually did.

“You’re sleeping with the Batman, right?” Harley put her hands against her hips.

Selina squared her jaw, “No.”

“Don’t lie.”

“And what? You want to know who he is?”

Harley let out a laugh, “No way! I couldn’t give two craps and a half about who he is (for the moment of course).”

“Then what do you want?”

“Did he talk to you about Red?”

Selina gave a look before she rolled her eyes, “Is this what this is about? You broke my vase because you’re out looking for your ex?”

“No, I broke your vase because it was right in front of the window,” Harley huffed, “You gonna help me or what?”

“Fuck my life,” Selina sighed, “Fine. Follow me and please take off your shoes.”

Harley followed behind the woman, pushing her boots off and grabbing them as they walked. 

Selina’s home was bigger than it looked on the outside and on the outside, it looked like a cuter version of the White House. 

Inside there was a spiraling staircase and a kabillion doors and Harley was sure one lead to a secret loot room. By the time they made it to the kitchen (also large and decorated straight out of an House and Gardens magazine) Harley had spotted a few security cameras and wondered what would be the easiest statue to stash down her shirt if she could make it out of this house without harm. 

Selina popped open the fridge and brought out a wine bottle and then one glass from the cupboard, “So, what do you want to know?”

Harley watched as the woman poured herself and only herself a glass of wine, “What did the Bats tell you about her big comeback to Gotham?”

“Other than the big mess she’s already made?” Selina snickered as she brought the glass to her lips. She noticed the confused look on Harley’s face so she sighed and set the glass back down, “Well apparently there was a big rich person gala at the botanic gardens-“

“There’s a botanic garden here?”

“Do you even know what a botanical garden is?” 

“Duh,” She didn't. Harley rolled her eyes, “Please continue.”

“Anyways, some big plant thing was supposed to bloom or open or something in front of everyone and it was supposed to bring in a lot of donations to the city from big names,” Selina couldn’t stop herself from smiling, “And it looks like your girl didn’t approve of some of the people attending.”

“Did she show up?”

“Nope.” Selina placed her hands on the table, palms up, and moved them to open like a book, “Imagine a big Venus flytrap opening wider than usual, shaking, and then all the air near the thing is gone. The bastard just starts sucking the air out of the place. People were dropping.”

“Like flies?”

“Yeah, like flies...” Selina sighed, “Nobody died weirdly though. They were evacuated and the plant was decapitated before it got too crazy in there. It’s the third time it’s happened but this was the hardest hit. Biggest plant thing too. I have no clue why people didn't realize something weird was happening the first time but you know Gotham. Everything is fine until it happens to us.”

“And how do you even know it’s her?”

“The guest list for starters,” Selina started to list off her fingers, “Goons that have gone on record for wronging her, big oil tycoons, dickhead senators that voted against her dumb nature bills that she tried to push-“

“So what? These parties always got the same rich people. What makes this place and time so different from the others?”

“Because Jason Woodrue was there.” Selina gave her a look, “Apparently he has been helping with the government-funded research for the gardens and their giant freakshow plants.”

“And he’s not in prison because why?” Harley exclaimed. This was the same asshole who changed Pamela into Poison Ivy non-consensually. The trauma he put Pamela through was enough to put him on Harley’s shit list until the end of time. 

Plus he had been pushing pot through Gotham for like years (which wasn’t the worst thing but still illegal last time she checked). 

“I don’t know, Harley! Maybe this research stuff is apart of his probation. Who knows but he was there so why wouldn’t she hit there to get them all.” Selina picked back up her glass and started to walk away from the counter, “So Batman is looking for her cause apparently trying to rid the world of scumbags isn’t good unless he does it himself.”

It does make sense for Pamela to target a place like that but what didn’t make sense was that she didn’t succeed in killing even ONE person. Not to say that Ivy was a murderess, but when she went for revenge it usually ended in carnage. 

Maybe she was trying to just scare them or show that she was back in town but what would be the point of that? Why wouldn’t she have just wiped out all those people in one go so that she wouldn’t feel any type of way when she got back fully into Gotham? 

And why only one plant? Why didn’t she get all the plants to go wild suck the entire joint dry of air? 

The hell kind of entrance back into Gotham is this? 

“Got what you needed, Clown?” Selina folded her arms, “Cause it’s past my bedtime.”

“Yeah, right. We both know I’m just interrupting you from your nightly sneak around the city in your BDSM outfit.”

“And what about it?” 

Harley rolled her eyes and let Selina lead her to the door, “Don’t even think about moving again cause now we can have sleepovers just like the old days.”

“Harley,” Selina opened the front door for the other woman, “if you come anywhere close to my property again, I won’t hesitate to shoot.”

Harley smiled and gave a wink, “We’ll see who shoots first, doll.”

Her last words didn’t seem to piss off Selina (which was a first) and the woman closed the door softly behind her. Harley turned away to slip back on her boots as she hopped down the long driveway. 

Now here came the hard part, where to go next. It would have been a lot easier to figure this out if Ivy wasn’t suddenly all bark and no bite with her revenge tactics. It wasn’t like Harley could go ask the freak plant then maybe it could tell her where to find...

And then bingo, it hit her!

Chapter Text

An hour later found Harley fast-walking down the block until she recognized the alleyway she visited recently. She tiptoed into the narrow area and scanned her eyes over the pavement. It was grosser than she expected and she had to kick through some trash that was either wet or stuck together. 

Under particularly wet cardboard she found it. The dried-up head of the giant Venus flytrap Batman showed her. It had lost all of its color and smelled strange. 

Harley bent down next to it and sighed. What was she thinking? Was she just gonna put it in some soil and ask it questions? That’s obviously not how it works. 

But it wouldn't hurt to try.

A light blinked under the plant and Harley’s eyebrows furrowed. She looked around her and found a broken pencil. She poked at the plant, mushing it around until she uncovered a small blinking device. 

That didn’t look like something Ivy was into. 

“Hey!” A man down the alley shouted. 

She looked over and he was staring straight at her. 

“You!” He shouted again and his deep voice echoed loudly against the brick around her. 

Harley cupped her hands around her mouth, “What?!”

“The hell you doing over there?”

Harley scoffed, “What’s it to you?!”

“Excuse me!?” He paused as another man walked up to him, showing him a small screen before pointing towards Harley. 

Harley looked back at the plant and, yeah...

This thingy had a tracker on it and those guys must be tracking it.

Harley used the pencil to fully separate the tracker from the plant before trying not to gag as she pushed the green mush into a nearby grocery bag. 

“Hey! Don’t fucking touch that!” The man shouted as he started to run into the alleyway. 

Harley tied up the bag, let out a laugh, and ran the other way. 


If Harley thought this was gonna be an easy grab and go, she was super wrong. These guys were not letting up and now there was like 6 guys chasing her. 

There was no fucking way Ivy not only put an entire ugly tracking device inside of a big ass plant and also hired big meaty men to go pick it up for her a full week later? It’s all gross now, she’d be heartbroken to leave it like that. 

So who the hell did these guys work for? What’s with the plant? And why did the Bats-

Harley stopped right in time as a car screeched into a stop in front of her. She took a look at the driver, another goon who looked super upset that he missed her before she pushed off the car and ran a different way. 

If Harley wasn’t sober before, she was way sober now with this run and it sucked because these were new pants and she already had a little tear in them from ducking and jumping off of shit to get away from these guys. Goons these days had so much stamina. 

She turned down a corner which was a big mistake cause it was a dead-end next to her favorite Chinese take out spot. She’d love to run in there but that’s the only place right now that does decent potstickers so she wouldn’t be fucking up that relationship anytime soon. 

Time for option two. 

She came to a halt and turned to face the guys pouring in closer to her. With the wall behind her, she shook the bag in her hands in front of them, “Is this really worth it, boys?”

“Drop the fucking bag, bitch,” one the goons growled. 

“Ew, no. Not unless you show some manners!” Harley shouted the guy down. 

“Uh,” the guy next to him spoke up, “Please hand us the bag, ma’am.”

Harley smiled as the first guy smacked the nicer guy in the back of the head. 

The first guy put out his hand, “Give me the bag. I won’t ask again.”

Harley pretended to think for a moment, “No.”

“Okay,” he nodded his head and motioned at the biggest guy near him, “Grab the bag.”

The biggest guy took one step before something whizzed in the air. He gasped and reached for his neck, gurgling out some words before falling to his knees and falling to his face. 

They all looked down and he had a fucking black arrow in his throat. Harley recognized that fucking arrow!

And like a beautiful storm, three gorgeous ladies came raging in with fists and kicks and a fucking crossbow! 

Renee punched a guy down to the ground with only her fist and Dinah kicked two dudes with no sweat and Helena was stabbing a guy and shooting another one at the same time. 

It was kind of hot but Harley couldn't fully enjoy it as an asshole decided to try to grab the bag from her hand. They have a little tug of war before Harley just headbutt the guy in the nose. 

She kicked him again just to make sure he’d stay down before looking around and all the other goons were down and not even a scratch was on the Birds. 

“Sensational as always,” Harley praised but they didn’t look like they were in the mood for praise. They actually looked upset, “What's wrong?”

“I don’t know, how about you tell us?” Renee folded her arms. 

Harley puffed out some air, “Not sure but you guys don’t seem too happy-“

“Maybe because you up and disappeared again which usually isn’t a problem but Cass is worried cause you haven’t been yourself for like a week and then left her on top of it,” Dinah snapped in one breath. 

“Plus you’ve just ruined a good lead we had on a product purchase that these exact guys were gonna do this weekend. How did you even get in trouble with these people? Why do I even ask?” Renee ranted but sighed by the last sentence. 

“What’s in the bag?” Helena motioned towards Harley’s hands. 

Harley sighed and looked away. 

She would literally do anything to not have to talk about this and she almost has it in her to just bolt but she was worried that they’d probably shoot her just to get some answers. 

They actually cared and it made Harley feel weird and she didn’t understand why they cared but more than anything it reminded her of Pamela. 

So she looked back at them and took a deep breath, “I’ll explain but first I need takeout.”

Back at the super-large apartment that Helena bought for herself and Dinah (bought for platonic convenience of course), they all sat at a round table that was usually used to create plans and for serious talks. For right now it was for Chinese food. 

Cass was joining them and she kept looking over to Harley as Dinah placed the food out onto the table. 

Once Dinah sat down, Harley took a breath and started, “So, I just want to apologize.”

There was a long pause as she reached for an egg roll and took a large bite out of it. 

“Okay, so are you going to?” Dinah asked. 

“I just did!” Harley said with her mouth full. 

“Can we just get into what this about? I’m fucking exhausted!” Cass blurted out as she pouted in her chair. 

“Language!” The other three women screamed. 

“Okay, here.” Harley grabbed their bag under her chair and plopped it onto the table, “So I know you guys are thinking this is full of drugs since those guys, I’m assuming, were into some drug stuff. But it’s not. This is a dead thing.”

They all looked down at the bag. 

“And the reason I have this is cause I’m, uh,” Harley shifted uncomfortably. Looking between all of these women, all with actual things to do way more important than Harley’s mission. What if they tell her that it’s not important or if it was stupid? What if they laughed?

Harley let out a long puff of air, “Honestly... it’s not that big of a deal.”

“Oh no, don’t you dare,” Renee pointed a finger at her, “We had to actually spend our night looking for you and fight those no neck goons for you-“

“But I didn’t ask you to,” Harley interrupted, “I don’t even understand why you guys care. Who cares what's wrong. I’m terrible, you’ve said it yourselves and I don’t even feed Cass vegetables which is like a thing that kids need to eat or something and I don't even have one in the house. So, who the fuck cares what I've been up to?” 

“Hey!” Helena hit her hand against the table, “Enough.”  

“I agree with Helena,” Dinah folded her arms, “We’re not the Joker. We actually want to hear this so spill. We care, believe it or not.”

Harley’s eyebrows went up. She didn’t particularly enjoy hearing that man being brought up but she was red-handed caught going through some post-traumatic stress due to her relationship with him. She hoped that she would catch it before others but it was nice that they felt comfortable enough to bring it up when needed. 

She just needed to learn to trust these girls. Better start here. 

“Fine,” Harley reached her hand into her yellow top and pulled out a polaroid picture. She flattened it out on the table and pointed to it, “So, it’s true what you’ve heard. Back in the day, me and Poison Ivy were friends.”

“Just friends?” Renee raised an eyebrow. 

Harley smirked, “As good friends as the Canary and Crossbow over here.”

Helena opened her mouth to say something but Dinah beat her to the punch, “Okay... and she left for a while and now she’s back and did something to have Batman after her?"

“Well, yeah, but I looked into it and I don’t think it was her,” Harley then went into details of what Selina told her and the tracker on the plant and the weird beefy guys chasing her. 

“Yeah those guys are apart of the Russian mob and unless your girl moved East, then I’m thinking something else is happening.” Renee took a drink from a flask that came from her back pocket. 

“Yeah and that dumb Batjerk is going around tarnishing her good name!” Harley pounded her fist against the table.

“I mean, didn’t she join the secret society of super villains?” Dinah mentioned. 

“Who hasn’t,” Harley rolled her eyes. 

Helena raised her right hand slightly, “There’s a secret society for what now?” 

“I’m thinking we should clear her name.” Harley suggested. 

“And help lock up whoever is doing this,” Renee added. 

“Sure, I guess.”

“Maybe we should get that thing,” Dinah pointed to the bag, “tested or something. Doesn’t Poison Ivy usually insert her DNA into her plant babies? Especially if they’re made for special shit like hurting humans?"

Harley furrowed her brows, “Where’d you hear that? On her fan club page?”

“No,” Dinah folded her arms and scooted back, “I read her book.”

Harley didn’t know Ivy had a book. 

“A lot of it was flower jargon that I still don’t understand but she went into a lot of detail about how complicated the relationship is between nature and the human race,” Dinah continued, “Plus she’s a boss ass bitch and I dig that. Studying cacti in the desert after leaving Gotham and then writing a book about her crimes. Goals.”

Harley hummed to herself. She needed to read that book as soon as possible. She wondered if she made an appearance in it. 

“Wait, hold on,” Harley just had a brain blast, “the desert?”

“Yep,” Dinah nodded before distractedly pulling lint off of Helena’s shirt, “I wouldn’t pick the middle of nowhere to hide out but she seemed to like it.”

“Did she mention any waterfalls?” 

“Uh, yeah, I think-“

“I know where she is!” Harley jumped to her feet, scaring Cass who had fallen asleep a few moments ago, “I have to go to my apartment real quick but I know! We can go there and she could do the testing to clear her name and I can finally see her and make things right! Come on, you guys, we gotta-“

“We’ll go tomorrow,” Renee stood up from her chair and grabbed her jacket from the back of it. 


“No buts. We need a clear mind and I can tell just by looking at you, you haven’t got a lick of sleep in forever.” Renee walked towards the door, “Goodnight and see you girls tomorrow. Be prepared for the stench of the desert.”

“Fine. Come on, Cass,” Harley motioned for the younger girl to follow her but was stopped at the door by Helena. 

“Look,” Helena kept her voice down, “If I find out that you left without us, I’ll hunt you down and shoot you for making everyone upset.”

“That’s kind of hot, Huntress,” Harley winked. 

“Whatever,” Helena gave a small smile, “Seriously though, we’re coming with you.” 

“Okay.” Harley gave her a nod before leaving with Cass. 

The journey home was fairly quiet between Harley and Cass which could have been a factor of the time of night but Harley was sure that it was because she has been kind of weird lately. Once they reached the apartment Harley gave the smaller girl a smile and a mooncake, “You wanna drive a little tomorrow?”

Cass perked up to that, “You think Dinah will let me?”

“Not sure but once we hit the desert, I’m sure Ivy wouldn’t mind.” 

“Poison Ivy, huh?” Cass took a large bite out the mooncake, “You and her were like...”

“I really loved that gal," Harley cringed, "but I chose the Joker."

“Yikes,” Cass walked over to her room and gave Harley a look, “Guess you’ll have to face that tomorrow, asshole.”

Harley let out a chuckle as the younger girl went off to bed. 

In her own room, Harley went back to the metal box, opening it and grabbing the postcard. She got it when they drove cross country years ago; they stopped at a little town in New Mexico and Pamela had gone on and on about the cacti that lived there. So Harley picked up this postcard with a scenery shot of the sun going down towards the New Mexican dirt floor, the silhouette of a cactus in the foreground, and a small waterfall in the distance. 

And on the back was the exact location and address. 

Harley placed the card against her chest and laid down on her bed. She wanted to be mad that she had Pamela’s location this entire time right under her but she was too excited at the possibility of seeing her old friend. Her old best friend. Her old lover. 

Harley smiled as she felt familiar fingers petal up her thighs. She looked down her body as red hair rose to her chest. Kisses were peppered onto her bare skin until she was face to face with probably one of the most beautiful women in the world. 

Pamela’s green eyes seemed to look right into her soul and Harley pulled her tighter against her as she started to shiver. This kind of attention was too much at times. 

Pamela must have noticed because she began to look elsewhere; Harley’s cheeks, Harley’s hair; Harley’s lips. 

She lifted Harley’s chin up with the tips of her fingers so that they could lock eyes once more, “Harleen.”

“Yeah,” Harley could never recognize her own voice around Pamela. Everything about herself changed. 

Pamela bent down to graze their lips together before leaning away again, “Are you really going to do this?”

“Hmm?” Harley smiled. It took moments before she realized what she was asked.

“Are you really gonna go just because he called for you?” Pamela asked. 

Harley felt her eyebrows raised before she chuckled, “Pammy, I ain't going nowhere right now.”

Pamela frowned at Harley's grammar, “But you will be.”

“So… let’s make the best of tonight.” Harley wiggled her eyebrows.

“Does it look like I’m joking around, Harley?”

“I didn’t think you were,” Harley peeled herself away and sat up, “Why are you bringing this up anyways?”

“Because I don’t want you going back to him. After everything he’s done to you. He threw you out and now you’re tossing me to the side just so that he can be happy-“

“No, stop!” Harley put up a hand, “I mean why are you bringing this up right now?”

There was a pause between them before Pamela sat up next to her, “No, clue. It’s your dream, Sweetie.”

Harley pouted, “So we’re not gonna boink?”

Pamela shrugged a shoulder, “Up to you.”

Harley sighed and pushed herself off the bed that they had been sharing for the last two months. They had been happy together shacking up in this apartment but they had to face reality and reality didn’t have Harley laying there next to Pamela when the Joker needed her. 

And he definitely needed her. He said so. 

“Moment ruined,” Harley grabbed Pamela’s robe from the chair near the bed, “You know, Red-“

Harley turned back to the other woman and paused. She wasn't in their apartment anymore and Pamela wasn't in front of her either. She was now facing a door. The door’s hatch was completed shredded to bits and as Harley pushed at it the large door was stuck. Maybe on purpose. 

She began to realize where she was as she looked down at her outfit, her old skintight red and black suit, and a large duffle bag strapped against her. She remembered this job, the Joker found her at Pamela’s and begged her to help him. He said he wanted to make the world laugh one last time before he was done for good. He wanted to leave Gotham for good, and he was gonna take Harley with him.

None of that was true.

The laughing gas they released on a nationally broadcasted television set didn’t just make the audience laugh, it almost killed them. And the only reason he wanted to do this job was to lure out the Batman. 

The two men fought and bantered all the way out of the studio, locking Harley in during their scuffle.

And if Harley was correct, she was locked in the minute police arrived and they were a little more gun happier than normal.

“Freeze!” A man screamed behind her.

Harley sighed and raised her hands into the air, turning slowly as to not spook the cop. She didn’t have anything to fear, the Joker would be back and he’d save her. He wouldn’t let her go to prison for him.


Then she heard it.

His laugh sounded through the door behind her.

It made her turn back to the door and place her whole body against it in an attempt to even feel his presence. In an attempt to get him to come back for her. But he was leaving her. 

And he was still fucking laughing.

Harley woke with a start. Actually, no it wasn’t just a start she was actually physically shaking.

She tried not to move as she laid there. She hated those dreams but they happened more often than she could count due to all the dumb/life-threatening situations she was put into as a henchman that selfish bastard.

Harley had to keep reminding herself that; she was only a henchman. She was replaceable to him. It hurt like hell but she couldn’t forget it. Cause when she did she always went back running to him. And then he’d hurt her again.

She couldn’t live like that anymore.

Harley let out a gust of air, attempting to push that all down for another day. 

She felt the postcard still in her hands and she smiled to herself.

Chapter Text

The desert was hot. 

Which was a no brainer but when you’re packed inside of an old school brick of a car, it got hotter. 

They were following directions off of Dinah’s phone and barely speaking over the music (unless Harley saw a specific landmark that she just needed to tell Cass and Helena about). On the way there they almost had to stay at a motel until Helena reminded them that money wasn’t an issue. They ended up staying at a fancy pants hotel and Cass and Harley ordered the entire room service menu. 

But now it was getting serious, and Harley’s nerves were on fire. She knew it had to be annoying every time she shifted in her seat. 

Once they hit the small village they had to ask around about a strange redhead scientist studying plants. Only one person had a clue what they were on about and he gave them overtly detailed directions on how to get there. 

A few dirt roads later and they were pulling up to a ranch styled home; trees and bushes framing the drive road up to the wooden house. Harley spotted a palm tree thriving beautifully in this thick, dry, hot weather and she knew immediately they were in the right place. 

Dinah parked the car and turned around, “So here’s the plan-“

“You guys go in there first, butter her up, tell her how much of big fans you are and then,” Harley mimed her fingers walking across the palm of her other hand, “I walk in when her moods the highest just in case she set her plant babies to kill the minute I walk in the door.”

Harley smiled proudly but this was apparently not a good plan because everyone else collectively rolled their eyes at her. 

“So here’s the actual plan,” Dinah continued, “You go in there and work out whatever issues you have with Poison Ivy. Then she tests the plant and then back to Gotham.”

Harley pointed, “Ah come on, guys! If you's all went in first there’s a good chance she’ll forgive me faster.”

“The quicker we get this part done the quicker we can get back to normal in Gotham,” Renee inserted, “Crossbow, open the door and push her out.”

Harley put up her hand to stop the girl, “Okay, okay. I’m going.”

Harley pouted as she shuffled herself out of the car, but did as she was told. Once she made it to the front door she reached for a doorbell; her fingers searched around and found nothing. So she knocked. And knocked again. 


She tried the doorknob and it was unlocked. Harley shook her head; any random asshole could make their way in with the door unlocked like this. Where’s the security? 

Harley tip-toed into the home, stopping once she walked face-first into ivy hanging from the ceiling. She carefully moved the plants to the side and sighed in relief that she wasn’t snatched by them the minute she stepped through. 

Once through the ivy, she was met with a fairly simple house. A front room leading to stairs that were next to a door that lead to a kitchen. 

Harley walked into the kitchen and caught a whiff of something delicious cooking in the oven. It was probably something healthy and green but Pamela made it so it was probably really good. 

Connected to the kitchen was a pair of see-through doors leading to a greenhouse holding an array of different plants that Harley didn’t recognize. Harley peered through the doors and paused, a redhead catching her eye. 

There she was, squatting down near a pot and peering down at it. Her red locks were tied up into a bun and a pair of glasses were slowly sliding down her nose. She was biting at the side of her lip and it was a lot for Harley already even though she hadn’t even seen the older woman’s outfit yet. 

Harley felt herself trip (over nothing and also while she was standing completely still) and she fell into the door. It opened and she ended up on her face in the green room and in front of Pamela. 

The redhead gasped and jumped up to attention while Harley took a moment to realize that she very much did just fall on her face. 

Harley looked up and gave her best smile, “Hiya, Red.”

“How did you...” Pamela whispered as she looked between Harley and the door she just came from. 

“Front door was unlocked.” Harley’s smile widened as the redhead’s eyebrows rose.


Harley watched as Pamela politely introduced herself to the Birds and Cass, offering the girls food and beverages that were almost all turned down until whiskey was offered and Renee took it without another question. Then after that everyone seemed to want something that Pamela was offering. Including Harley, who opted to look around the home while the others talked up the red-head. 

Harley looked at the pictures on the wall and smiled when she popped up in one. It was when they first sort of moved in together. Well, more like Harley was staying with Pamela after being thrown out. Pamela took her in, no questions asked. 

“I still have that sweater,” Pamela’s voice asked behind her

Harley looked over her shoulder towards the woman for a moment before turning back to the picture, “It’s barely a sweater, Red.”

The sweater itself was something Harley stole for the redhead, claiming that it was perfect for her. Harley wasn’t really sure what she thinking, the sweater was three sizes too small for Pamela and didn’t have enough material to protect anyone from cold weather. But it didn’t mean that she didn’t look absolutely amazing in it. 

Pamela looked amazing in everything. 

“So, are you going to tell me how and why you’re here or am I going to have to get more vague answers from those women in the other room,” Pamela raised an eyebrow.

“Who’s to say I won’t be vague too? I thought you liked riddles.” Harley turned fully around to her old friend and smiled.

Pamela sighed, “Harleen...”

She gave a look that said that she was definitely not in the mood for riddles. 

“I heard you came back to Gotham,” Harley heard her voice shrink within itself.

Pamela looked surprised before she shook her head.

“Yeah, I guessed as much,” Harley sighed, “I mean, at first I didn’t. Until I found out why they thought you came back and stuff wasn’t making sense-“

“You really thought I would have come back without seeing you?”

Harley struggled, a bit caught off guard by that, “Yeah.”

“Really?” Pamela squinted her eyes before folding her arms, “I thought we were better friends than that.”

“We’re still friends?”

“Harley,” she took offense to that, “I would have come to see you even if that try-hard clown tried to stop me.”

“Oh,” Harley looked down.

“Sorry to talk ill of him. You know how I feel about that man.”

“It’s fine. More than fine.”

“Well, come on then,” Pamela motioned her towards the room where the other women were, “Come explain why the hell you’re here. Not to say it’s not a... interesting surprise.”

Harley followed her in and began explaining from Batman’s visit to how they found out that she lived here. Pamela barely interrupted and seemed intrigued by how well Harley seemed to get on with the other women in the room. She did seem a bit concerned about Harley influencing Cass with a game of stealing from retail stores, until Cass commented that she had been stealing “since I was in diapers, Grandma.” 

Pamela rolled her eyes at the younger girl and reached an arm out towards Harley, “Okay, let me see this creature you’ve been talking about.”

Harley grabbed the grocery bag and placed in the woman’s hand, “Sorry about the packaging.”

Pamela sighed, then opened the bag and gasped, “Poor thing.”

She closed back the bag, “Okay, I’ll look to see if I can find out anything. More than likely, if someone was using this poor thing they may have left a bit of themselves behind in its DNA. Not sure what we’ll do with that information but at least it’ll lead Batman on the right thing and off of me.”

“Does that mean you’ll be coming back with us?” Harley asked hopefully.

Pamela shrugged, “Maybe so.”

She stood up and told them a few more details about the process of extracting the plant’s DNA before suggesting that they all stay there for the night; the process wouldn’t take more than a few hours but the drive up must have been killer. 

They all agreed to stay pretty quickly.

For the rest of the day, the women all circled the house, looking at the weird shit Pamela kept locked up in cases or out and about. It was kind of strange how most of her house was kept like a 1950’s bungalow while the rest was like one of those botanic gardens Selina mentioned before. At least this was what Harley assumed botanic gardens were like; a mixture between a forest, a jungle, and a museum. 

Once the night came and the air outside was cooler, Harley found herself sitting on the front porch staring at the starry sky. She was wondering where Bruce was and whether he ate. He sometimes liked to run off and sadly he ran off before this little adventure. 

She really hoped he was eating well and wasn’t chasing after any humans. They made such a big deal when that happened. 

The sound of someone opening the front door took her out of her thoughts and she looked over just as Pamela sat next to her. She was wiping off her hands with a rag, green goo staining her fingers. 

Pamela sighed, “Whoever was using that poor creature was a right asshole.”

Harley smiled, “I’m not too surprised.”

Pamela gave her a look before reaching for Harley’s chin.

Harley froze, letting the older woman pinch her chin with two fingers and look over her face.

Her eyes searched from Harley's eyes to her cheeks and forehead before freeing her, “You look great, Harley.”

Harley swallowed hard and looked away, “And you’re surprised because why?”

“I’m not sure,” Pamela chuckled.

“Thanks by the way,” Harley took a quick glance at the other woman.

“Technically I’m doing this for myself, but,” she bumped her shoulder into the blonde’s, “no sweat.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Pamela asked, “Does he know that you’re here?”


“You know who,” Pamela sighed when Harley’s eyebrows furrowed, “Harley, come on.”

“What?” Harley looked over.

“The Joker. Does he know you’re here?”

“Ew, no. Why would he?”

Pamela stared at her, “Because…”

Pamela looked back into the distance, a confused look running over her features. 

“Red,” Harley tried to get the woman to look her back in the eyes, “Did you not hear?”

“Heard what?”

“About me and the Joker,” Harley threw her thumb over her shoulder, “We’re threw.”

Pamela raised an eyebrow, “Oh yeah?”


“I’ve heard that one before, Harls.”

“I..” Harley’s words strangled in her throat hearing that nickname from that mouth, but she had to clear the air here, “For real this time.”

“You’ve told me this before-“

“I’m serious, Red. I made it official. Whole Gotham knows it.” 

“You’re saying, if he came back, knocked on your door and asked you to join him back in his little creep gang you wouldn’t jump at it?”

“Yes! That’s literally what I’m saying.”

“Well, that’s what you fucking did last time.” Pamela folded her arms, “Or did you forget? Forget saying all to this me before and then literally jumping into his arms the minute he knocked on our door? Did you forget that he was only there to recruit you for another job and you went for it in a heartbeat? Thinking that the bastard was going to take you away to live on a farm or something. I could laugh, Harley.”

“Things have changed, Red”

“Oh, yeah. What has?”

“Maybe I got sick of being last. Or almost getting killed or being hit or being left high and dry! Maybe I got sick of spending one too many nights in prison because he left me to get grabbed by the Bats just so that he could get away! I had a lot of fucking reasons for this time to be different and I don’t need to explain why this last time is really the last, okay,” Harley stood up and took a few steps away from the porch. 

She didn’t like to get that worked up. She just wanted to laugh it off or make a joke but she couldn’t think of one. 

“Okay,” Pamela stood up as well. She reached for Harley’s shoulders to face the girl towards her, “Okay, I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you upset.”

Harley felt her bottom lip start to tremble, “I don’t want to make you upset.”

Pamela shook her head at the woman, “Please, Harls, don’t cry. You’ll… You’ll make me cry if you cry.”

"I'm sorry."


"I can't help it," Harley felt the tears start to roll down her cheeks.

“Oh, Harley,” and suddenly Pamela was pulling her in for a hug and blubbering like a baby. 

Usually, Harley would have found this a bit funny but right now she just let herself fall into her friend’s arms and enjoyed the smell of her hair. It still smelled the same as it did years ago and if she could get a jar of it and bring it back to Gotham, she'd take five.

Now that Harley thought about it, she did have a small vile that smelled exactly like Pamela hidden in her metal box under her bed. She dared not to take too many whiffs of it or else she'd end up slipping into a zombie-like daze. But she had taken that vile from Pamela's lab ages ago and nothing beats the real thing. 

The front door popped open and out came Cass. She paused for a moment before clearing her throat, “Uh, Harley.”

Harley looked over her friend’s shoulder, “What’s up, kid?”

Cass gave her a look before remembering why she was coming outside, “That plant thing is doing crazy shit.”

Pamela pulled away and looked over to Cass, “What do you mean crazy?”

“It’s fucking dancing.”

“Oh my God!” Pamela looked absolutely delighted as she grabbed Harley’s hand and ran them back into the house. 

They walked to the greenhouse and between Helena and Dinah who were staring at the plant curiously. 

Harley stopped short of Pamela, in which the older woman put her hands out to the now much alive plant that she must have planted back into a large pot of soil on a table. (So Harley could have definitely just done this in the first place!)

When Cass said the thing was dancing she wasn’t exaggerating, it was moving left to right from a stem that must have grown faster than any plant that Harley had ever seen. And its fucking leaves were doing the wave or something. 

“It’s alive!” Harley screamed like that wasn’t obvious.

“Yes!” Pamela exclaimed back, “I was at first just going to extract DNA from the carcass but what’s the fun in that?”

“I am literally terrified.” Dinah said behind them and Harley was sure that both she and Helena looked more than terrified at this thing. 

“Okay, handsome,” Pamela greeted the plant as she carefully walked closer to it, “Tell me about yourself.”

Harley fully expected the thing to just open its mouth and answer, but she instead watched as Pamela placed a finger on the plant and gently stroke it once. 

Silence deafened the room as Pamela basically had a telepathic conversation with the plant, her eyebrows rising at particularly interesting details (Harley assumed).

“Oh,” Pamela pulled her finger back and took in a sharp breath, “Oh, I see.”

“What did it say?” Harley whispered harshly.

“Well,” Pamela started before she placed her hands on the table and began to scoot it across the floor, “Someone get the back door.”

Helena was faster in her response and opened the doors that lead to the backyard. Pamela pushed the table until it hit gravel and she let the table tip over into the dirt. The giant plant tipped out of the soil and shot out onto the dirt, wiggling its roots all over the place. 

It whipped closely towards Dinah, Cass, and Harley, and all three of them squealed in horror as they jumped out of its way.

Pamela went for a small aluminum can and poured its content onto the plant before taking out matches from her back pocket, striking a match, and dropping it onto the monstrous thing.

It let out a high pitch scream as it caught flames and Harley felt her mouth drop in horror as Pamela stood there watching the thing do its last dance.

Once it was still from movements, Harley squeaked out, “Hey, Red. What the fuck?”

Pamela turned to them, “That was the work of Jason Woodrue and unlike myself, it was made solely for the purpose of collecting information and killing. Apparently he’s been creating hybrids to collect information from those galas you were talking about. Then it was supposed to kill those people without hesitation. With that information gathered, he could easily make himself more important than he really is. It could easily make him one of the most important people in Gotham. Maybe further than that.”

“But he was one of the victims during those attacks.” Dinah commented.

“Did he die, though?” Helena offered.

“Exactly,” Pamela agreed, “What a better way to get suspicion off of yourself if you’re a victim of your own attack.”

“Shit,” Harley shook her head at the obviousness of it, “Well fuck, he was gonna blame it all on you.”

“Yeah and that’s why we’re going to blow it up in his face. Well,” Pamela motioned towards the now dead plant, “unless this guy told on me for even asking.”

“So...what now?” Cass asked.

“We gotta get to Catwoman.” Everyone turned to Harley in confusion, “Well she’s fucking Batman. If there was anyone we could tell before the weirdo strikes again it's him.”

“What, so we’re just going to let Batman catch this guy?” Dinah questioned.

“Yeah,” Helena shook her head, “I don’t like the thought of this bat character taking this guy down when we could do it just as easily.”

“We could always kick Woodrue’s ass and then have Batman do the boring part of taking him in.” Harley offered. 

The women looked back and forth to one another before agreeing that that sounded fair.

They also agreed to wait until morning because Renee was still dead asleep after drinking all of Pamela’s whiskey.


Pamela’s home had so many rooms and Harley had trouble finding the right one.

Well, that wasn’t true she knew exactly which room to pick (the one right next to Pamela’s room) but she pretended to be picky. She also pretended not to notice Dinah joining Helena in her room after Cass went off to bed.

She had spent a total of 52 minutes in her room alone before she found herself knocking on Pamela’s door and peering in through a crack, “Hey, Red.”

The room was dark but Harley could see the outline of Pamela’s head looking over.

“Can I come in?” Harley whispered.

A beat passed before Pamela sighed, which was the confirmation Harley was looking for before she closed the door behind herself and tip-toed into the room. She thought against it, but ended up jumping onto the bed and jolting Pamela.

“Jesus, Harley!” Pamela hissed but moved over for the other woman.

“Sorry,” Harley chuckled as she snuggled under the covers and onto a severely soft pillow. 

The two women faced each other and Harley felt a calm wash over.

“Hey, Red?”


“Does this mean you’re coming to Gotham?”


“Amazing,” Harley bit her lip, her eyes relaxing to the darkness of the room, “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“You know.”

“Well… I’m sorry too. For leaving.”

“You kind of had to.”

“I won’t ever again,” Pamela reached a hand up and placed it on Harley’s cheek, “but you gotta promise, too-“

“I promise.” Harley may have said a little too fast.

“Okay,” Pamela bit her bottom lip. 

Harley smiled and closed her eyes, knowing that she was probably going to get the best sleep of her life tonight.

Chapter Text

Woodrue picked up a pot and sighed. Another day, another failure. He ripped the plant from its soil and placed it into a large beaker. He’d probably just use this one later for something else. 

But right now he had one focus. 

He turned around to the ginormous Nepenthes Attenboroughii he kept under a glass box. He placed his palm on the glass and watched as the pitcher plant reacted to him. It was one of a kind and on the endangered species list, so more people would want to see it. More specifically more wealthy people would want to see it. 

Especially within the next few minutes; a wealthy congresswoman had called specifically today to see this creature. Who was Woodrue to stop her curiosity? 

Also, who was he to stop the pitcher plant from helping him gather some information (and cash) off of this woman before sucking the air right from her lips? 

Another congressperson more interested in the owning of precious green lives than the preservation of them, she was probably one of those tossers that people like Poison Ivy couldn’t stand. Just another life that the missing redheaded woman would be responsible for.

She deserved the blame anyways, if she had simply thanked Jason for the abilities he had graciously given to her and stayed with him then maybe he wouldn’t have to do this.

Oh well, it’s too late anyway. Here came the congresswoman with one of her security guards.  Jason watched the women walk towards him, he admired the congresswoman’s caramel skin and blonde hair. 

He put out his hand, “It’s nice to finally meet you-“

“Yes, yes.” She motioned his hand away, “Where’s the plant?”

“Uh, right this way,” he began to walk and lead them towards his lab. He was used to rude people after his time in prison but it still surprised him. If she only knew what he was planning, she’d be a lot nicer. 

As they made it into the lab he eyed the suitcase in the security personnel's hand, “You’re quite young for a congresswoman.”

“I’ve been told.” Came a snippy reply.

He nodded to himself. She’d relax once she saw what she was here for.

Once in the lab’s bottom floor, he motioned towards the tank where the pitcher plant resided. The congresswoman paused before exclaiming in amazement. She walked closer to the glass tank to take a closer look.

Jason walked over to his tablet laying on a table near, “Are you impressed?”

“More than.” The woman looked over to him, “How much?”

“This is an endangered species,” Jason teased, “I can’t just sell it to you.”

“Money is not an issue.”

“I might need more than money.”

The woman laughed, “Like what?”

“Like the date of when will they be integrating the Zelta Dei Systems into the public.”

The congresswoman paused, “And how do you know about that?”

“I have my ways,” Jason shrugged, proud of himself, “It seems like a small price to pay for something so extravagant. Plus I would love whatever is inside that case.”

The woman looked over to her security personnel before back at Jason. She looked conflicted but gave an answer, “Christmas Eve.”

Jason chuckled and shook his head, “Sounds like the worst Christmas present ever.”

“Well you know how we do it up in… congress with us congress... people,” she pointed towards the plant, “So, are we doing business or are you going to ask for more stuff?”

“Nope,” he turned around and picked up an oxygen mask, “I think I have everything I need.”

He pressed a button on his tablet and turned back to watch the glass box open. He gave one command to the pitcher plant, “Kill.”

He then stared at the congresswoman and her guard, excitement filling his body.

Until nothing happened. 

He looked back at the plant and this time out loud shouted his command, “Kill!”

And nothing.

“That’s so fucking rude.” The congresswoman folded her arms. 

“Super rude,” the security guard opened the suitcase and pulled out a crossbow, pointing it at Jason. 

“Agreed. And extremely stupid,” a familiar voice said behind him. He looked just in time as he felt something hit him on the side of the face. He fell to the floor and the mask was ripped from off his face. 

He reached to his face and looked up to see that Harley Quinn had possibly just hit him in the face with a bat. And she looked proud of it.

And it also appears that that familiar voice belonged to the woman walking up behind her. Poison Ivy. 

“Pam-“ He barely got out before Harley pushed the bat to his mouth.

“Uh uh. It’s Dr. Professor Poison Ivy to you.” Harley corrected.

“Thank you, Harley,” Poison Ivy bent down near him and shook her head, “If you gave your creations a bit more love and care, I'm sure they'd listen to you more easily than they listen to me."

Jason looked over at the pitcher plant and sighed. If Poison Ivy could control one of his creations this easily, then he didn't have a chance against her. 

"You fucking, idiot," Ivy continued, "They gave you a way to get back into society and you went off and tried this? And I bet a million dollars you wrote about your little plan in detail in your notes, right?”

She was right.

“Then you’re under arrest,” a shorter woman appeared from behind Harley, a pair of handcuffs hanging from her hands. She rushed him onto his stomach and raised his hands roughly behind his back. 

He squirmed under her and heard Harley snicker, “She’s not even a cop anymore, what is she doing?” 

“Wait, wait!” Jason exclaimed as he was almost lifted onto his feet, “Congresswoman, please.”

The woman in question snorted, “Catch a hint, dude. I’m not really in Congress. A simple Google search would have cleared that up.”

“But what about the Zelta Dei Systems launch?”

She shrugged, “Got no clue what that even is.”

He deflated, his whole plan shredding right there in his face. All because of Poison Ivy. She foiled him once again. He stared her down as he was taken out of the lab and humiliated in front of his new colleagues. He wouldn’t forget this.


The girls took Pamela to their favorite diner and she watched in amusement as they went back and forth and ordered their after mission dinners. 

Just as she ordered a margarita, Harley noticed a dark figure outside the window. She jumped and then pretended she didn’t see anything. 

She excused herself (not before Dinah checked to see if her car keys were safe and away from Harley) and walked outside towards the shadowy figure, “What do you want?”

Batman put up his hands in surrender, “I’m just here to say good job-“

“Are you here to say sorry?”

“For what? For putting you behind bars?” He stepped closer, “You and I both known you needed it. You were doing some cruel things.”

“I still am!”

“Are you?”

Harley pouted. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as she used to be but it sucked that she was getting a lesson from a dark knight, “You know what, Bats? I want to hate you so bad.”

She rolled her eyes at herself as she continued, “But I can tell you’re probably really handsome under that ugly mask so how can I be mad at that?”

That actually made Batman chuckle. Joker could never even come close to that. 

Harley smiled before pointing a finger at him, “Stop trying to talk to me, Bats. I have a rep.”

He nodded and she skipped away back inside to her friends and one beautiful Dr. Professor Poison Ivy.


Back at her apartment, Harley gave the shortest house tour of her life. Cass decided to skip it and saluted Harley and Pamela a goodnight, leaving the two women alone. 

Pamela stepped around a small pile of clothes on the floor and Harley felt herself blush. She probably should have cleaned a little before she had the redhead come over. 

Pamela turned to her, her hands placed against her hips, “It’s filthy in here.”

“Uh,” Harley stuttered, “Yeah. Sorry.”

Pamela smirked before wiping a place on the couch and taking a seat, “Come join me?”

Harley basically hopped over, taking a spot that was at first too close, then too far, then almost just right. 

“I think it’s kind of neat what you’re doing,” Pamela folded her legs and let her eyes roam around the apartment, “here in Gotham.”

“I thought you said it was filthy.”

Pamela smiled over at Harley the minute the girl started to chuckle at herself. 

“But really, Red, I ain’t doing much,” Harley crossed her legs on the couch to fully turn and look at the redhead, “I just get involved with the Birds sometimes. Help them kick ass.”

“Fight crime,” Pamela teased. 

“Hey now, I’m not a cape or anything.”

“Thank goodness.”

“You’d still like me if I was a cape?”


Harley watched Pamela for a few moments before scooting closer, “So tell me, Red, when did you write that book?”

Pamela’s eyebrows rose, “You read my book?”

“Technically not yet.”

“You don’t have to-“

“I don’t have to but I will! Cause, you know,” Harley shrugged a shoulder, “you wrote it so I gotta.”

Pamela bit her lip, “You’re still a big softie, aren’t you?”

When Pamela’s voice lowered like that or when she bit her lip like that Harley never knew how to react. So she just gave a goofy smile and a shrug. 

That must have been the right reaction cause Pamela felt inclined to lean in for a kiss that Harley was more than happy to reciprocate. 

You ever get a kiss that made you feel a mixture of being on the edge of melting into a puddle and on the edge of turning into one of those Looney Tunes dog people who dance around cause their hearts are beating out of their chests?

Well, that’s how it was like when kissing Pamela, and Harley was hoping and praying that she didn’t seem too keen as she slipped a leg onto the redhead’s lap. 

Though she hadn’t thought this for a while, it was simple: Harley loved Pamela. There was no doubt about it. She had for a while and didn’t know why she had waited so long to find her and fix things between them. Life was too short for them not to be together, for Harley to be away from people she loved and who truly loved her back. 

It brought her so much joy to finally have the chance to be this happy. She might as well declare this happiness right now out loud.

Harley pulled back a bit to smile large, “Love yah, Red!”

Pamela looked surprised before returning the smile, “Love you, Harls.”

Pamela leaned back in to kiss her but yelped And jumped up from the couch. She brought her hand back onto her spot on the cushion to carefully pull out a shiny ninja star that must have poked her in the rear.

“Oh my- I‘ve been looking for this forever,” Harley took the star and hugged against its flatter side, “Just your presence here alone is giving me good luck.”

Pamela rolled her eyes, “Okay, so I can’t sleep here unless we tidy a bit.”

“Ah, no! Come on!”

“Uh uh, Harley,” Pamela walked towards the kitchen, probably in search of a mop to clean up the crimson stain by the front door, “Search the couch and extract all the pointy objects from it, please.”

Harley wanted to pout but instead followed directions and dug a hand into the cushion next to her. 

She didn’t like cleaning, but she loved Pamela so she didn’t mind it too much right now.