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Hanson-Bergstein V. Bergstein-Hanson

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“It’s bad enough you flooded our house but now you want our last names too?”

“I’m sorry did you skip over the part where we said we were getting married?”

“Of course not. I heard it. It lead right into you wanting to steal our last names.”

Grace had her typical angry face. Her shoulders were squared, her eyebrows were knitted together, and a frown rested on her lips.

“You can’t steal something that’s already yours, Robert.”

“And we don’t want to steal it anyway. We want to split it. 50/50. Right down the middle.” Frankie added.

“You mean we take Hanson and you take Bergstein?” Sol asked.

“Actually, we want Hanson.” Grace explained. She shot Robert a grin. “You can consider it a wedding gift.”

Robert’s anger grew each time Grace made a suggestion. To him it felt like he was trying to argue with Frankie. Essentially he was. It was Frankie’s argument, Grace was just articulating it. He knew very well that if Frankie wanted something Grace was going to fight like hell to get it for her.

“You want my last name that I was born with?”

“It’s part of my brand. I can’t just give it up. I’ve been Grace Hanson for over 40 years.” She said with a nod. That was her argument and she was sticking to it. If Frankie wanted her last name she was going to give it to her. Asking Robert was just a courtesy.

“I’ve been Robert Hanson for over 70!”

“You really haven’t taken Sol’s name yet?” Frankie asked. “Call me old fashioned but I’ve always loved the idea of taking my husband’s name especially when it’s my choice. We’re choosing to do so.”

“Yeah, what about your ex-husband’s husband’s last name?” Robert muttered.

“I actually think it would be her wife’s ex-husband’s last name.” Sol corrected in that soft puppy dog manner of his.

Grace cleared her throat. “It’s fiancée and it’s her fiancée’s last name that she’s had for years that she built her company with- two companies with!”

“There has to be a solution to this. You can’t just use your maiden name?”

“My maiden name is so fucking ugly Robert I can’t believe you would even suggest that!” Frankie yelled.

Grace wrapped an arm around her shoulders to comfort her. “Go easy on him. He didn’t know.”

“I meant Grace’s last name but now I’m curious.”

“Please don’t bring it up.” Grace pleaded. She’d sat through three too many hour long presentations on why Frankie hates her maiden name.

“It’s a sensitive subject Robert. It’s too much to get into.” Sol said with a few comforting nods. He knew how much Frankie despised her last name. It’s the only reason she had taken his and most likely why she didn’t take her name back when they got divorced.

Robert rolled his eyes. He dramatically dropped his hands to his knees. He’d been over this argument before it even started and he wasn’t seeing an end to it anytime soon.

“Excuse me, but am I the only one here who thinks this is absolutely ridiculous?”

There was a pause before Grace, Frankie, and Sol all answered “Yes.”

“Well that’s the first time you’ve all agreed on something since 2013.” He rolled his eyes. They knew they were rising his blood pressure. They knew he could have a heart attack and die right there but they didn’t care. Now his husband was on their side too? Ridiculous.

“Why can’t you take Grace’s maiden name?” Robert asked.

“Where were you when I said I had two businesses attached to Hanson?” Grace said. This fucking guy of course he didn’t care about her feelings or her business.

“Because Robert, Grace is a shark. Shark’s don’t look back; they keep swimming ahead and her maiden name is in the past. Live in the future man. Live in the now.”

“Frankie, what is Grace’s maiden name?”

“You know, I think I forgot to remember it.”

“It’s Purcell and I don’t think I ever told you what it was.”

“You’re getting married and you never told her your maiden name?” It’s a good thing Robert didn’t have laser vision. They all would’ve been obliterated.

“We were married and you never told me you were gay!”

“You didn’t tell me either.”

“I didn’t know back then. You knew and you still wasted my time so give me your last name to make up for it.”

Sol spoke up. The tension between Robert and Grace was suffocating. “Or we could just not change our names and keep them as is. Changing to one or the other would hurt all of us. Grace you have Say Grace and Vybrant attached to you and Robert has the law firm attached to him.”

“Not change our names.” Frankie nodded as she paced the room with a smirk. “Yeah okay Sol, are you out of your mind?”

“Actually…” Grace sighed. “We really don’t need to change them. We’re old Frankie and you’d hate being a Hanson anyway.”

“Besides, you have to be blonde to be one.” Robert added, he’d finally calmed down enough to make a joke.

“But I wanted your last name. If we’d met when we were younger I would’ve taken your last name.” Frankie admitted and Grace absolutely melted at the thought.

“Then let’s both take my maiden name.” Grace said with a smile and a kiss to Frankie’s head. They both laughed. She couldn’t go back in time and give Frankie her last name way back when but she could give it to her now.

“What do you say we celebrate it? Outside in the beach chairs?”

“I’ll grab my weed box!”

“Grab the vodka too.”

They left the men standing there in the living room. Robert looked like the Mr. Krabs meme but even more red and definitely more angry than confused. Sol had a fond smile on his lips. He loved seeing love.

“I suggested that and got burned at the stake but Frankie says it and they celebrate?”

“Just let them have their moment.” Sol shrugged.