It didn’t seem normal… the way his freckled hands gripped the plastic coffee cup, steam rising to fog the lenses of his circular glasses. The way his lips were turned downwards, corners crinkling in distaste. His cheeks lacked their normal rosy pigment, eyes dull with the absence of their typical shine. Looking at him was like looking into a sky of constellations and supernovas and every beautiful, bright thing. I was drawn to him, floating hopelessly in his gravity. I would do anything to nearly exist near him.
So, I tried… desperately.
He came in frequently, always ordering the same, plain drink. Black coffee, no cream, no sweetener. Black. It was so out of character, contrasting roughly with his dainty, colored appearance. He practically leaked sweetness, and cream and everything soft. Long, baggy sweaters always swallowed his body, but I could tell there was a tiny frame hiding underneath. Bare, freckled knees would peak from their place in his ripped jeans, cuffed at the bottoms to prevent him from stepping all over them. Cutie.
But today, something was off. He didn’t smile, not once. His eyes were dark, colored light purple from seemingly lack of sleep and… maybe, stress? There was no way to tell, and it’s not as if it was my place to ask such things anyways. After all, we had no relation to each other. Just a casual stranger, a morning pit stop to begin his day. He would come, melt my heart and soul with his presence, I'd pour him a cup of black coffee and he would be on his way. I did make it a habit to write cute little notes on his cup though, things like “Have a good day! :)” or “you look lovely.” I was trying to work up the courage to write my number on one of these plastic cups, but my spine hadn’t grown in yet, apparently.
Today though, I know he needed something different. Something was obviously wrong, in the few weeks he had been coming here, (almost daily, mind you) he had never appeared so completely out of his body. I could tell there was some kind of mind and body disconnect from the moment he stepped into the shop. He pulled the orange beanie resting atop of his head, shaking the snow from it as he walked in. He walked slowly to the counter, almost zombie-like… it was like he was on autopilot, body just moving pathetically through the motions of his morning routine. He was like clockwork. Every morning, 7:36am, he would stagger in from the December weather, shake the snow from his hair and lashes, and order a small, black coffee. He would sit in the same black and white Polka-dotted chair, brush his fingers against the house plant on the table next to him, and watch the world go on outside of the window. He was a curious, quiet Individual… but he was special, and everyone that caught sight of him could see this. There were many times a guy, or even a girl, would approach him and do their best to engage him in conversation. Each time though, he would smile politely and mumble something I could never quite make out. It obviously wasn’t something these people were looking for though, because they would leave with a huff, embarrassment rolling from their rejected shoulders. I couldn’t help but be a little smug each time it happened, but it also worried me… what if my pining really was useless, and he just wasn’t looking for a relationship. I mean, he might not even be gay for goodness sake. Although, based on the blush and small smile I received each time he read the note I'd written on his cup, I'd say I stood a small chance.
Today’s note wrote, “things get better” which judging by the way his eyes instantly watered, it was the right thing to say. He nodded, shakily, and avoided my eyes as he made his way to his usual spot. His thin legs crossed as he sank into the chair, eyes scanning the street outside of the window as he sipped tentatively at his coffee… his bean water, more like… gross. Well, it was now or never. I wrote down my name and number on a small piece of receipt paper, taking a few breaths before crossing the shop to stop quietly in front of him. He didn’t seem to notice my presence, or maybe he was pretending not to, who knows. Either way, I cleared my throat hoping to catch his attention. He startled, a small gasp leaving his pink lips, hand flying to clutch over his heart in alarm. He raised an eyebrow at my presence, head tilting to the left in question. Oh my God, could he get any fucking more adorable?
“Hey, um… just wanted to say hi and give you this..” I mumbled nervously. I could see his eyes focusing intently on my lips, almost as if he was trying to watch every word as it formed. It made me shift slightly, not used to this sort of attention during any conversation. “I’m Bakugo katsuki, it’s nice to actually introduce myself to you, I've been wanting to for a while…” I spoke quickly, nerves taking over me as my tongue twisted and spit words out rapidly. Why did he already have this effect on me? My conscious reminded me it was because he was a literal angel on earth, and I agreed wholeheartedly.
I could see his eyes still trained on my lips, eyebrows furrowing as he watched them move. Okay, so this was a little strange.. Maybe he just wanted to seem like he was paying attention. After a few moments of silence, he sighed, eyes casting down toward his lap as a frown overtook his face once more. He looked up at me, emerald eyes glassy with fresh tears. Oh no, did I upset him?
“M-m sorry, I c-can't hear.. I’m deaf.” he gestured to his ears, as if indicating further that he was unable to hear. I nodded in understanding, that definitely explains a lot of the behaviors I've noticed during this interaction, as well as the multiple people hitting on him. Did people really just give up when he told them he was deaf? Unbelievable. This didn’t deter me from wanting to talk to him and get to know him though, and I wasn’t sure why it had done so for others in the past. Especially with a boy as special as he was…
I reached into the pocket of my apron, hand searching for a pen and my order pad. I scrawled out a small note, handing it out to him gently, a smile resting on my face in reassurance. He seemed surprised, but reached out to take the note from my hand. I tried not to melt into the floor at the feeling of his fingertips brushing against my skin. Magical.
“Hi! I just wanted to say hello and give you my number, my name is Bakugo Katsuki, you can call me Katsuki… what’s yours? :)” he smiled brightly at the note, a little giggle escaping as he looked up at me in surprise. I offered the pen to him, wondering if he might be more comfortable writing instead of talking. He nodded, accepting the pen and scribbling something quickly on to the bottom of the notepad.
“ I know your name from your name tag, silly. It’s nice to meet you, i’m Midoryia Izuku. Please feel free to call me Izuku. I’ll text you later?”
I wanted to smack my forehead at the beginning of his note, why didn’t I think of that. Dumbass. I smiled at him as he stood from the chair, gathering his things as he walked past me with a small wave of a freckled hand. I couldn't help but feel as though everything was going to work out. At least I made him smile, he seemed to be extra sad today… I wonder what was going on in that beautiful mind of his?
I watched him exit the shop, tugging the familiar beanie over his unruly curls as he stepped into the bitter cold outside. Later couldn’t come fast enough, I thought to myself. I walked back to the counter, green eyes and curls on my mind for the rest of my shift.
It was going to be a loooong day.
“ Waves push me under.. Deeper, deeper. Until all I am is an after thought of air. I sunk further down in the ocean, reaching past the zone of light, falling deeper into nothingness. The water grows colder… freezing, freezing. Freezing the bones inside.. One wrong move, and they’d shatter into a million pieces, like glass.
How do I let them know that they aren’t even mine? This skin and bones are a rental..
Reaching… I stretch my arms toward the diminishing light, trying to remember what it’s like to feel the warmth of the sun.. Holding on to the happiness of the rays, melting into joy and laughter. It feels so.. Distant, now.
Screaming… But no sound escapes. The water rushes in, drowning me quickly, killing me swiftly. I’m losing hope by the second, who will save me now?
I lack the greatness of heroics, my own true heart diminished… the kindness in their souls so long has been finished. How do I say “I need help,” when my lungs are filled with water?
Blue oceans aren’t my friends, anxiety is what I call them. Alone in depths so deep and quiet, at least down here my thoughts are so much clearer.. No need to stop for breathers.
Listen, listen…. Quietly they whisper, strain your ears to hear them. “You’re never alone, we’re always here.” You’re here, you say? Then why can’t I feel you? Depression is a constant fear, but it is constant… like a flowing tear. How do I stop it once it starts?
It is the tide, and I am the shell. Floating desperately in all its force, who am I
To say, “slow down!”
Forgotten. The relaxation of free thought, the peace of a stable mind. How I wish I would have known the damage life would bring. The pain, the hurt, the sting… someone should have told me. There’s no saving me. I’m alone in the world, no friends to care for me.
Goodbye. This is my parting breath, remember that in death there are also new beginnings. Today should be the day, I think it is…
And though I wish I could float back down, let it consume me entirely.. My flesh bubbles back to the surface, for one final try.
With ruby red eyes, and spikey blonde hair… tan hands and plump, pink lips… With a look of understanding and reassurance… It sparks a feeling of hope within me.. You took a chance to reach out to me, a quiet loser with general apathy.
I hope that I can rise from the foam of the unforgiving sea and give this a try.
So that I can finally be at peace. Redemption and revival too… a new chapter, maybe? A chance to be happy, to have a friend?
So it begins.
And it all starts with you.”
I closed my notebook, pushing it into my yellow backpack as my last class of the day finished. Yeah, I probably should’ve been paying attention to the lecture but… all I could think about was the guy from the coffee shop, Katsuki…
I pulled the crumpled paper from my pocket, typing the number into my phone with shaking fingers…. Well, here it goes…
I typed and erased the message several times before deciding I'd just go with a general greeting… “Hi, it’s Izuku! x”
And now, we wait…
Chapter 2: chapter 2
i'm sorry it took so long to update, i've been dealing with some family issues and it's been a very stressful time. I'll do my best to upload as soon as possible.
Izuku and I had been exchanging texts for a few days now, mostly just casual, friendly conversation. We mostly talked about our interests, how our individual days were coming along, just basic getting to know each other really. He had explained to me that he lost his hearing around age 7, due to a car accident. He lost his mother in that same accident. His father had been out of the picture since before Izuku was born, So it left him completely alone when his mother passed.
His favorite color was periwinkle, he loved cold weather, and he liked his coffee black and warm because he said it warmed his inevitably dark soul. A jokester, he was. He was in the foster system from the time he lost his mother, until the day he turned 18. None of the families ever stuck around to take care of him, using him for government checks or “charitable bragging rights.” There was only one home he had ever truly loved, and he said It was when he stayed with a man named Aizawa Shouta. He was the closest thing to a father Izuku ever knew, and he loved the man with his entire being. He gained a “brother” when Aizawa adopted a boy named Todoroki Shoto, and the two were inseparable. They were roommates now, actually.
Yeah, just… casual conversation.
Tonight was the night we were finally going to hangout, outside of seeing each other for a routine cup of black coffee. I was going to go over to his apartment for dinner and movies, it was simple enough… I mean, just go over and hangout. No biggie.
Okay, so i’d be lying if I didn’t say I was extremely nervous. I was starting to really, really like the guy and I'd only been officially talking to him for a few days now. It was worrisome, the effect he already managed to have on me. Giving someone so much power over me wasn’t something that was in my normal range of trust, I had friends that I held dearly, sure. But there was a way to have good friends while also keeping them at arms distance and that was what I'd always done. It was weird, to immediately feel so drawn to another person. I was completely and utterly caught up in everything that was Izuku Midoryia, and I wanted nothing more than to bask and thrive in the warm green of his soul, to feel the sunshine fanning over me from his smile, to swim in his emerald eyes. I wanted to be everything he needed, to be someone he could depend on. He clearly didn’t have many people he trusted and I felt that he was beginning to really open up to me. He was giving me a chance and I'd be damned if I blew it.
Before I knew it, I was standing in front of a bland, grey colored door. My hand hesitated, lingering in the air mere centimeters from the stained wood. The rusted gold numbers on the door read 333, and next to the left of the door stood a potted plant, healthy and well-kept. It was a huge contrast to the run-down look of the apartment complex, let alone the door in front of me.
I scuffed my feet against the mat beneath me, inhaling a deep pull of air, before knocking against the door. My knuckles tapped gently, the sound echoing through the empty hallway. Well, no turning back now. I heard the sound of feet padding behind the thin wood, before it was cautiously pulled open to reveal what I could assume was Izuku’s brother. I wouldn’t lie and say the guy wasn’t extremely good looking. He was tall and slender, shoulders not quite broad but definitely muscular. His hair was dual colored, split between red and white shades and silky strands rested on a pale forehead. His eyes sported two different colors, grey and teal both demanding attention and recognition for their beauty. The most prominent feature, however, was a large scar over his eye, similar to that of a burn. Interesting. He was definitely an interesting character, that much I was sure of based on his appearance alone. And guessing by the deep scowl set into his features, he was scanning my features just as meticulously as I was observing his. I could tell we were going to bump heads.
“Hey, is Izuku home?” I asked, voice cautious. His eyes narrowed protectively, eyebrow raising in question as his eyes scanned my frame. His lip twitched, corner sliding up to rest in a devious smirk. Lovely.
“What’s it to you, spikey?”
I stared back at him, trying to ignore the flare of annoyance resting in my belly. I didn’t need to let my temper mess this up. He was clearly testing me, and having a damn good time with it too. I smiled at his challenging expression, eyes crinkling to hide the sight of them narrowing at him. Two could play this game, Icy-hot.
“Was invited o’er to hangout, that’s all. Is he around?”
He rolled his eyes, hand gripping the door moving to slam it in my face. That is, until a flash of green rounded the corner of my view into the apartment. A sharp gasp was heard, small feet padding quickly against the hardwood floor and crossing the space to rest next to the half-n-half bastard by the door. Izuku glared up at his brother, a sheepish smile now resting on his face. Oh sure, act innocent, asshole.
A dainty hand pushed the door open from the previous grip, waving me in with a frantic motion. Izuku sighed, rolling his eyes as he shut the door behind the three of them.
“You’ll have to excuse Shoto, he’s not exactly… friendly.” izuku spoke, his voice was quiet and slightly slurred. “Shoto” scoffed at that, smirk returning to his face at Izuku’s comment. I opened my mouth to reply, but izuku smiled holding up a finger as he ran back into the hallway, probably leading to his bedroom. I watched him with curious eyes, wondering what he was doing.
“He doesn’t normally wear his hearing aids at home and trying to read lips gives him a headache. I’m Guessing you don’t know sign, am I right?” shoto questioned, eyes narrowing at the accusation. I mean, he was right for the most part. I knew enough JSL to butcher my way through a conversation, but to actually understand what Izuku was saying, he would have to sign extremely slow.
“I know a bit…” I mumbled. I needed to freshen up on my sign language if I wanted to communicate with Izuku in a way that he was most comfortable.
Izuku rounded the corner, grinning from ear to ear as he fiddled with the small plastic pieces now resting in his ears. He giggled as he walked back into the living room, the sound melted my heart. I swear, if he kept this up, he’d have to mop me out of his apartment. I’d be left a useless puddle of a man, hopelessly in awe of every aspect of this perfect being before me. He was really, truly spectacular, a word I don’t think i’d ever used to describe anyone before.
He was so calm and serene, but also strong and unbending. He was both Sunday rain and hellfire, beautiful and dangerous. I was in complete veneration.
The peppermint fuck laughed loudly, taking in the scene unfolding before him. He smacked a hand on to his chest, inhaling a deep breath in an attempt to calm his hysterics. I blushed, the warmth spreading from my cheeks down to my neck.Izuku looked at his brother in question, eyebrows raised in both surprise and concern. He had no idea the effect he was having on me currently, both naive and innocent enough to not realize that I was practically brain-storming the names of our future children from just the sound of his giggling.
“Sho, seriously? What is wrong with you?” izuku laughed nervously. Shoto only shook his head in amusement, moving to exit the living room but not before he threw a not so subtle wink in my direction. Bastard. Pick a fucking hair color why don’t you.
Izuku rubbed the back of his neck, cheeks tinted pink in embarrassment. He cleared his throat, eyes flickering away from the retreating figure of his brother and returning to my face. He sighed, “Sorry about him… do you wanna watch a movie? I can make us some snacks! Make yourself comfy!” He was so excited, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than smile and nod as he skipped towards what I assumed would be the kitchen. I plopped down on the couch, eyes flickering around the room. The couch was navy blue and looked slightly worn down, but it was soft nonetheless and it was adorned with cute decorative pillows. It was cute and homely, it was exactly what I'd imagined izuku to own.
He stumbled back into the room, carrying a bowl of popcorn and several bags of candies. He plopped down on the couch next to me, leaving a cushion of space between us. He rested the large bowl of popcorn between us and reached for the coffee table sitting in front of the couch, small hand curling around the remote.
“So, what do you w-wanna watch?” he asked. His voice dripped honey as he spoke, thick with sweetness. His eyes stayed focused on the screen ahead as he flipped through rows of movie options on netflix, I don’t think i’d be paying much attention to the movie though, As cliche as that was. “Whatever you want to watch is fine by me, I don’t mind.” He nodded in confirmation, acknowledging that he heard me before selecting a random hero movie. “I, um… hope you don’t mind subtitles..” he mumbled nervously, eyes flickering over to me. I gave him my best reassuring smile, telling him that I didn’t mind them at all. I was confused on why he thought I would mind, had someone made him feel that way? I don’t see why something as trivial as subtitles would be an issue…
I could tell that some days, Izuku had a certain sadness that floated around him. It was like he was just an empty shell of himself on the days he came into the shop that way.. He barely smiled, barely sipped the coffee he ordered… he wore his emotions outwardly, so obvious when something was bothering him. Since we started talking, I haven’t noticed any of that behavior… i would love to believe it was all because of me, but I wasn’t going to draw that kind of conclusion on my own. It warmed my heart to imagine that I could help chase his blues away though. He certainly helped me in that way.
The movie was about halfway over now, the empty popcorn bowl discarded carelessly on the small table and candy wrappers laying around, littering the clean wood. At some point, he had scooted over to press against me, thighs pressed together as he watched ahead, eyes not turning to acknowledge me. I couldn’t stop looking at him, his face illuminated by the light of the tv. His long eyelashes cast small shadows on his cheeks as they fluttered, reflection of the actions on the screen present in his glassy eyes. He blinked slowly, body relaxed and breaths coming out in small puffs. He looked adorable, and I could tell he was fighting sleep. His head was slowly leaning down until it rested on my shoulder with a small thump. I chuckled, rubbing a soothing hand down his arm as he began to breathe out soft snores. The credits rolled around, and that’s when Shoto decided to make his grand reappearance from wherever he fucked off to. He took in the sight of Izuku and I, eyes narrowing as if he was checking to make sure there was no foul play here. What had happened to Izuku to make him be so protective? I couldn’t say I didn’t understand though, I had only begun talking to the little green bean a short time ago but I already wanted to protect him from the world.
Shoto sighed, face relaxing only slightly as he realized that Izuku had been completely resting on me, sleeping soundly. He shuffled over wordlessly, reaching down to wrap his arms around Izuku’s back and knees. He lifted him effortlessly from the couch, adjusting him in his grip as he stood. He nodded for me to follow, and he led me down the hallway towards what I could only assume would be Izuku’s room. The room was pretty plain, shades of white and several house plants placed around the room. Shoto placed him down in the bed, and I couldn’t help but notice that It was perfectly made, it appeared almost unslept in. He gently removed his hearing aids from his ears, turning them off and setting them on the bedside table. Shoto must have noticed my confusion, because he tucked Izuku quickly, brushing his hair from his head and turning towards me. He motioned for me to exit the room, hitting my shoulder roughly with his as he passed. Hmph, rude.
I followed him out of the room silently, sparing one final glance to Izuku’s sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, so calm and undisturbed by the troubles of the world. A sleeping angel. I stopped in the hallway, watching as Shoto closed the door almost all of the way, leaving it cracked slightly. I didn’t have much time to think about how odd that was before Shoto turned to narrow his eyes at me, opening his mouth to speak “He sleeps in my room. He hardly ever spends the entire night in his own room, he starts there but then crawls into my bed every night. He has terrible nightmares most nights, and even when he doesn’t he wakes up and becomes restless. He has a lot of issues, other than the ones that are visible on the surface. He’s deaf, has abandonment and attachment issues, and he deals with depression off and on. I’m not trying to spill his business, it is not my intention. But if you don’t think you can handle the entirety of his being, then get lost. I won’t have anyone else hurt him, got it? I won’t hesitate to beat you to a pulp if you step out of line.” His voice was eerily calm, unwavering and intense. I could tell he meant every word, and while I should be offended, and maybe a little frightened by his straightforward attitude and by the things just admitted to me about Izuku, I wasn’t. I was happy. Happy that Izuku had someone that loved him so much, someone that would defend him and care for him. Izuku seemed like the type that wouldn’t stand up for himself, like he would just take whatever abuse he was given because he felt like he deserved it. I hope that I can help show him what he truly does deserve.
I nodded, staring deeply into teal and grey eyes as I tried to pour every ounce of certainty and acceptance into my gaze. “Okay..”
He looked me over, eyes looking up and down, scanning over my form for any sign of hesitation. He nodded, turning around and leading me toward the door of the apartment. He opened the door for me, silent as he watched me walk through. He was an odd guy, that much I knew.. I couldn’t tell if we were going to become great friends, or remain reluctant enemies. Only time would tell. “Night..” I mumbled, before turning and making my way down the hall. The apartments were outward facing, meaning the doors opened to the outside rather than being inside of a building.
There was One thing I knew for certain, I was going to do everything I could to be exactly what Izuku deserved. I wouldn’t give up on him..
Chapter 3: chapter 3
This chapter gives a little more insight on Izuku's mental health from katsuki's pov. There is definitely more to Izuku than what meets the eye!
I really enjoyed this chapter! I enjoy reading your comments and opinions, so don't be shy! :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
I really couldn’t help myself. He felt like everything I had ever dreamed of and more. When you’re a kid, you close your eyes and make a wish on a shooting star and hope for silly things like super powers, or for a race car for your birthday. In my own case at least. If i would have known that someone like Izuku existed, I would have wished for him years ago, I would cast my voice out into the void of the universe in hopes that God, or whoever was on the receiving end of wishes and prayers, would take pity on me and send him my way sooner. He felt like an angel sent my way, his laugh and smile a blessing to me every time he graced me with his presence. He was beautiful, incredible and everything lovely and soft and sweet in the world. As time went by, I learned more and more about him and I was falling so head over heels for him. There have never been a pair of lips I wanted to kiss so desperately, a hand that I wanted to hold constantly… he was my missing piece. He filled all of the ugly cracks of my heart with his kindness and warmth… he made me a better person.
And that’s what I wanted to be. A better person, that is. I wouldn’t say I was a bad person by any means. I mean, I guess I could be nicer to people… I could definitely be more patient or understanding. Truthfully, my tolerance for people and their bullshit has always been relatively low and to sit through their stories or conversations was pure tortue for me. I really imagine that hell is just sitting in a room listening to these stupid extras talk about their shitty lives and their shitty friends. There were a few people I tolerated and I could admit that I cared about them deeply, just not enough to ever admit it. But as far as Izuku was concerned, I would shout from any rooftop that I was completely and utterly smitten. I would do anything, be anything for him.. And as the weeks ticked by, that feeling of admiration and care only grew and grew. I could definitely acknowledge that things were moving pretty fast, feelings wise at least.
We had held hands a few times, cuddled occasionally on his couch and we were together almost every day. It was like we were drawn to each other, a moth to a beautiful, bright flame. He shone bright enough to keep us both warm as the months of winter drug on. I began coaxing him into letting me surprise him with new drinks whenever he wandered into the shop. It was a big step for him, and I definitely didn’t take it lightly that he was breaking his routine for me. I loved watching him take tentative sips of foreign drinks, eyebrows pinched together cautiously. I could always tell when he actually did like whatever I'd given to him, and when he wasn’t a fan at all. He would never say, but when he didn’t like something, he would hollow his cheeks only slightly, one eyebrow slightly arched in surprise. Even as he nodded his approval, signing a quick “ it’s good! ” , I knew him too well. He was transparent to me, always so easy to read. Most days were spent at his apartment after work, coming in without knocking thanks to the key hidden carefully under the potted plant. I was ecstatic when I was given that privilege, and it humored me to watch Hoedoroki cringe and huff every time I let myself in. Our small frenemies relationship was running just as strong as my relationship, if you could call it that, with Izuku. I could tell he had grown sort of fond of me, no matter how tough he acted.
He put on a great show, I can admit that much for sure. I’d learned just how protective he was of Izuku over time, but apparently it was a rule that Izuku couldn’t answer the door by himself. It was something I'd found very odd at first, it seemed very controlling to not allow Izuku something as minimal as answering the door. Sure he was a bit younger than both shoto and I, being only 19 while Peppermint and I were 23, but he was still an adult nonetheless. It was only when he tried to sneak to answer the door alone to a complete stranger at the door that I understood why the rule stood in place. They did live in a relatively shady area of town, and the fact that the apartments were outward facing meant that just anyone could come up to the door and knock on the door. The stranger in question was a man that looked to be middle aged, but strong in build. He wore dark clothes, and appeared overall dirty and grungy. At the time, i had thought the door rule was completely moronic, so i didn’t think much of it when zuku jumped up to answer it. That is, until I heard izuku agreeing to follow the man into the parking lot to help him with his “injured dog.”
The conversation had definitely caught my interest at that point, and I leapt from the couch cursing the man as he reached to yank Izuku by a delicate arm out of the door. The yelling had prompted Shoto to enter the room, at the perfect moment might I add, and he had punched the thug in the face, chasing after him as he tried to flee down the hallway. I held Izuku as Shoto held the creep down in the parking lot until the police arrived. I now agreed with the door rule.
Izuku, as lovely and intelligent as he was, was very, very Naive. He had difficulty trusting in the way of love and romance, but when it came to helping a stranger, he would jump in headfirst to lend a hand. How he had survived out in a world as cruel as this? I could only assume Shoto was the answer, guiding him and protecting him from the moment they became brothers. I know izuku had been a subject of bullying in their childhood due to his small size and his deafness, Izuku himself had admitted this to me. He explained to me that following the death of his mother, he bounced around a few foster homes before finally landing in the care of Aizawa Shouta, who eventually adopted him. Shoto came along shortly after, having a past of his own. What it was, I would probably never know… but judging from the nasty scar over his eye, I could only assume it was a painridden life he lived.
Days like today were my favorite. My shift at the cafe ended early, Sundays were short work days for me. I picked up take out from Izuku’s favorite noodle shop and practically skipped to his apartment. I let myself in to find the balcony door slightly ajar, and smiled knowingly. I made my way to the door, walking out to an adorable green bear curled tightly in a wooden chair, rocking slightly as he flipped the page of the novel resting in his freckled hands. He looked like something from a novel himself, round glasses perched on a button nose as he stared at the lines of worn down pages, the corners slightly frayed. A woven white blanket rested over his legs, hair pulled in a small bun to rest away from his face. The rain outside persisted, the several plants on the balcony soaking up the water greedily. It was practically a forest out here, Izuku loved plants and had turned their small balcony into a wonderland for small plants to thrive and grow. Things from jasmine, succulents, to even a small bed of peppers growing, rested on his balcony. It was a small safe haven for him and I loved finding him here, so at peace in his element.
Knowing he didn’t have his aids in, I walked directly into his line of sight, smiling as he lifted his eyes at my movement. He smiled back, eyes crinkling under his glasses, a little dimple resting in his pink cheek. He took my breath away so effortlessly, I couldn’t calm my hammering heart as he reached a hand out to me, pulling me close and into a greeting hug. I wrapped my arms around his little frame, squeezing slightly. He really was very small, apparently he had always been small. Just born into his smaller frame, I suppose. The fact that he didn’t eat much didn’t help, and as much as i nagged him to eat more he would just laugh and sign “ i’ll eat when i’m hungry, kat!” whatever, skinny Deku.
I pulled back from him, signing “how was your day?”
I’d freshened up on my sign language since we’d first begun talking, and because I was already pretty fluent before, I was able to communicate with him pretty easily now. There were some phrases that I struggled with, but for the most part our main way of communicating was through sign. I did love the sound of his voice though, very very much. He was self-conscious about his voice, but he had grown comfortable enough around me to talk verbally on occasion. We spent the rest of the evening gathered around the table, talking and laughing amongst ourselves. Well, izuku and I laughed and shoto tried his best to suppress his smiles. He was so fond of Izuku and he did such a great job taking care of him and making sure he had everything he needed. Izuku’s mind ran a mile a minute, never stopping or pausing to take a break from the constant analysis of the world around him. He was constantly thinking of new ideas and projects to work on, things to write and create. He truly was something so special.
I tidied up the kitchen, throwing out the empty take out containers as Shoto washed the remainder of the dishes left in the sink. Izuku had left to shower, leaving the two of us to continue with the nightly routine. Izuku had a very specific nightly routine that Shoto swore was very important to ensure Izuku didn’t have any major panic attacks through the night. It was something I wanted to question, he treated Izuku like a child in some ways. It wasn’t like I didn’t trust his judgement, I just really wondered if a lot of this was completely necessary. I didn’t mind it though, I liked the thought of taking care of Izuku in any way I could. It’s to feel needed, especially by the person I was completely enamored with.
Izuku had exited the shower, indicated by the sound of the bathroom door creaking open. Shoto nodded at me as he dried his hands on the dish towel resting on the counter, making his way towards Izuku’s room. Every night after Izuku’s shower, he went to help him choose pajamas. It was odd, but I knew better than to question it. I had already accepted that their dynamic was quite odd, but it was sweet and innocent enough. I had been able to infiltrate my way into their little routine, much to Shoto’s protests. I think he still wasn’t sure that I was here to stay, which was a valid concern.. I was still unfamiliar in many ways to him, and he wants to protect his little brother from any more heartbreak. I’m sure there was an explanation for the small rules in place and the routine Izuku had. It was something I was more than willing to adjust my own life to be a part of, because I just wanted to be withIzuku in any way that I could. I meant it when I said I’d do and be anything for him.
I filled the kettle with water from the faucet, placing it on the stove to warm and turned to grab a small, purple cup with a straw on the top. When the water was warm enough, I poured it into the awaiting cup, over the lavender tea bag resting inside. I added a teaspoon of honey for sweetness, stirring it slightly as I waited for Shoto to return. It took a few minutes, but he finally entered the kitchen, shoulders tight as he made his way over to the cup resting on the counter. He hummed in thanks, reaching into a stray cabinet and removing a small pill bottle. He opened the small pill capsule, spilling the insides into the tea, stirring it until it dissolved. At first, I'd jumped completely down his throat, thinking that he was drugging izuku. I mean, c’mon, that’s exactly what it looked. Obviously, he was offended that I'd make such an accusation but I guess he understood where I was coming from, or maybe he admired my fight to protect Izuku, even from the likes of him. He reluctantly explained to me that it was Izuku’s prescribed medication for his Ptsd nightmares. He showed me the bottle, and it did indeed have his name and a credible doctor listed on the bottle. He told me that Izuku was terrified of medications, due to previous experiences that he assured me Izuku would tell me about when he was ready. Prazosin, that was the medication. It was commonly used to treat high blood pressure, but also doubled to aid those with heavy nightmares… popular among Ptsd victims, according to google anyways. So, his story checked out. I know he would never do anything to hurt Izuku anyways.
I followed him down the hall towards Izuku’s room, walking in to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, hair still wet from his shower. He smiled brightly as we entered his room, eyes widening in joy. Adorable lil broccoli. He handed Shoto the hairbrush resting in his hand as his brother climbed onto the bed behind him to brush through his unruly curls. Shoto poked his nose with a smile, a small giggle slipping from Izuku’s plump lips at the act of affection. I sank down next to him, reaching out to pull his soft hand into mine, placing the warm tea in his other hand. I stroked over his knuckles with care, rubbing my thumb over the bones protruding under his skin with the softest touch I'd ever given. He winced as Shoto tugged at a knot in his hair, head snapping back a bit at the pull. His lip wobbled at the roughness, eyes glazing over slightly. I felt the slight shake in his fingers as they rested in mine. I squeezed his hand gently in reassurance, a way of just saying “I'm here for you. I’ll protect you….. I...love you?”
Shoto shushed him gently, reaching a gentle hand out to rake through his hair, wet emerald strands laying flat on his freckles face. “I know, zuzu.. It’s okay..” he whispered as he signed with one hand, doing his best to brush out the rest of his hair gently. Izuku nodded, leaning into the sweet touches he was receiving from the both of us. I don’t know what happened to him, who could ever hurt him this way.. I’m not sure what would ever possess someone to hurt someone as kind and gentle as Izuku.
I knew for sure that no one would ever get the chance to do it again.
After his hair was brushed, his pajamas were on, and his tea cup was empty, we laid him down to rest underneath his blankets. He snuggled deeply into them, freckled face barely peeking over his blanket as he stared up at us. Shoto leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, checking to make sure he was tucked in and that the nightlight by his bed was plugged in to the wall. “G’night, see you in the morning okay?” Izuku nodded in response to his older brother, smiling and mumbling a goodnight before turning to look at me. I grinned and sent a wink his way, smile stretching even further at the little giggle that left him. Perfect.
I placed a kiss similar to what shoto had given him, only this time pressing it gently to the tip of his nose and feathering light kisses over his cheeks. I pulled away and looked down into emerald eyes, taking a moment to melt into honey scented shampoo and freckle splattered cheeks. I pressed one final kiss to the corner of his mouth, pulling back to bask in the brightness of his smile. He would blind me one of these days with that damn grin.
“Goodnight Kachaan!” He signed lazily, clearly too tired now to use his voice. He blinked slowly, trying desperately to keep his eyes open. I chuckled at his attempt, a combination of the rainy weather and his medication were getting the best of him now. Long eyelashes fluttered before finally resting against his cheeks, losing his battle to sleep. I stroked his cheek gently, running a finger down his jaw before pulling away to stand and head toward the hall to join the half-n-half asshole.
I left the door slightly ajar, remembering that he would most likely wake to cuddle up with Shoto later on in the night. We walked towards the door, having our own end of the night routine to follow up on ourselves. After izuku was asleep, Shoto would always walk me to the door, silently letting me out before locking it tightly behind me.
Tonight though, he stopped me before he opened the door. It was odd, a break in the usual flow of things. He looked like he was hesitant to say what he was thinking, but he sighed deeply turning to face me. I raised an eyebrow at his odd behavior, but nodded in encouragement. “Izuku… he really cares about you. And you.. Do an okay job helping take care of him. Don’t fuck anything up.” he said. His voice was hiding any emotion, and his voice gave nothing away either.
Only, I knew what this meant for him. He wasn’t someone to openly speak about his feelings, or to speak to anyone other than Izuku for that matter… he was thanking me. But he was also warning me, letting me know that Izuku cared about me was like telling me that there was a bomb with a trick wire attached to me.. One wrong move, and everything could explode. He was trying to tell me to care for Izuku, to care for his feelings delicately.
The warning seemed empty in a way, almost like he could already tell how much Izuku meant to me. Like he already knew that most of my heart was taken over by his baby brother. He was right, in every way. I knew I had to be careful with Izuku, to treat him gently. Everything in my life was slowly becoming about him, and how to make him happy… how he made me happy.
As I walked home that night, the roads still damp from rain, I stopped in the empty street to admire the traffic lights changing colors. Red, yellow, green… stop, warning, go. It made me think about how people sometimes didn’t adhere to these signs, ignoring the warning of the yellow light all together to speed by in carelessness. It wasn’t that deep, and I knew that… but it made me question how many of Izuku’s yellow lights had been carelessly run through.. How many reds?
All I knew for sure, was that when the green reflected heavily in the puddles of the darkened street, it reminded me of the green eyes that I adored so much.
Green is my favorite color, I thought and continued on my way home.
Thank you so much for reading!
I'm also on Wattpad, if anyone prefers reading there!
Chapter 4: Izuku journal entry
this is an entry Izuku has recently written in his journal!
a small update to hold you over until I finish the chapter im working on!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
You stare at me with those big eyes
So deep and crimson
And they drown me.
So i’ll close my own murky, emerald eyes
And hide in the darkness of behind my lids
Hide where you cannot pierce my mind.
In fear that one day you’ll chew me up and spit me out, completely
And I know I'd welcome the strength of your jaws.
I’d melt in your mouth like hard candy
And you’d choke and gag on my sweetness.
You’d take a bite of my fragile heart, broken and bleeding
And then you’d smile, and ask for dessert.
And I’d give it all, all of me… to keep you full.
I'm working on a new chapter right now and i'm doing my best to get it out! very soon!
My dad's really sick right now, he has treatments about 3 times a week. i'm trying to make sure I'm there for him through this so just... please be patient with me.
I see your comments and I love how much you guys love my story! Updates are coming, promise! Just hang in there.
thank you!! :)
Giggles erupted from the small body lying under me, shoulders shaking and dainty hands trying desperately to bat at my chest. He choked on laughter, green eyes wide and hair haloing around his freckled face. He threw his arm out dramatically, reaching to the impartial being sitting comfortably in the chair next to the couch. He rolled his eyes at the display before him, trying desperately to hide his growing smile behind the magazine he was reading. Good attempt, icyhot.. But we see through your shit.
“Sho! H-help!” Izuku shrieked, body still squirming and wiggling to escape the torment of my fingers digging into his sides. Shoto stared fondly at his brother, a look I could only detect due to how close I'd grown to the two brothers over the past few weeks. As time ticked by, the three of us had fallen into a great dynamic. Shoto shook his head, “Sorry zuku, you got yourself into this mess.” Izuku pouted, plump bottom lip jutted out in faux innocence as he batted his long lashes as his poor sucker of a brother.
“Nooooooooo” Izuku wailed dramatically, arms coming to cover his reddened face. I took mercy on him then, pulling back to let him breathe. “Next time you won’t eat my snacks, nerd.” I winked at him, climbing from my position on top of him to sit on the open spot of the sofa next to him. We were interrupted by the sound of the phone in the kitchen ringing loudly through the apartment, the sound ripping through the silence. We all looked between each other in confusion, it wasn’t very common for someone to call… especially to call the home phone. Normally, calls came to shoto’s phone regarding Izuku’s prescriptions or doctor appointments.
With furrowed brows, Shoto rose from his spot in the armchair and crossed the living room to the kitchen. I could see this slight twitch in his lips, no doubt a nervous tick, as he answered the phone… “hello?” His eyes stared into the floor, glaring in concentration as he listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. His eyes quickly flickered up from his gaze on the tile to rest on Izuku, the small boy staring worriedly at his brother, bottom lip wobbling slightly. Shoto nodded, mumbling something quietly to the person on the phone before returning the phone to its resting place. He sighed, scratching lightly at the back of his neck.. Eyes closed and head tilted slightly to the floor. Something’s wrong.
“Wait here a sec, zuku. Okay?” I signed to the boy, handing him a couch pillow to cling to as I stood from my spot next to him. He grabbed in greedily, pressing it tightly to his chest as his frantic eyes stared at his big brother. I ruffled his hair gently, smiling in reassurance. Upon getting closer to shoto, he motioned with his head for me to follow him into the hall, further away from Izuku’s prying ears. Obviously this was something that would upset the younger if Shoto was making us talk in private. This was serious.. “That was Aizawa on the phone… he needs me to come help with some work. The line of work we do is… dangerous. I can’t take Izuku with me. Obviously, this is important if he’s asking me to come directly to him. He lives a few towns over... but- I..” shoto sighed, pausing mid sentence to rub a hand over an exhausted face. “I don’t know how Izuku will react to this.. We haven’t been apart for years, and I’m unsure how the change in his routine will affect his mental state. The last thing I want to do is ask anyone for help, we’ve always taken care of each other. We’ve done fine on our own. But… I…. can you stay with him?”
I was surprised.. Not only by his request, but also by the absolute desperation on his face. I wanted to ask what the fuck kind of work he was in, why was their adoptive father involved? Was Izuku at risk because of this “line of work?” I wanted to question everything, to demand answers. I knew this wasn’t the time though. So I nodded, promising to do my best to take care of Izuku and to keep him as on track as possible. “When do you have to leave?” I watched his face, pinched tight with worry and stress. I could tell this was the last thing he wanted to do, I honestly wasn’t sure who this was going to be harder on… izuku, or shoto.
“Tonight.. After he falls asleep. I’ll get him ready for bed tonight and i’ll show you how to administer his medications.” he replied, voice tight as he spoke. The biggest question on my mind now, was how the hell was he going to break it to Izuku?
Fuck. I knew this was bound to happen eventually, it’s not like it's completely avoidable to have to be seperated from zuku, especially with work Aizawa and I do. It’s not the safest environment for Izuku, so there’s no way I'd be able to bring him along. For the first time, I was kind of thankful for the explosive stray Zuku brought home. He’s been tolerable, at least.. And he is familiar with Izuku’s routine and needs. I sighed, exiting the hallway with Bakugo and walking towards the couch Izuku was melted into. His frail arms were wrapped tightly around one of the couch pillows, knees tucked beneath it and pressed against his chest. Green eyes were watery, wide with worry as they stared up at me. My sweet little brother, innocence practically oozed out of him wherever he was. I wish I could hunt down every last person that ever hurt him, and tear them into pieces.. And then set those pieces on fire… and then run over the ashes with a bus..
That still wouldn’t be enough.
The life we’ve lived together has never been an easy one. There were days even now that I felt like I would never be able to care for him the way he needed. He was abused, taken advantage, and manipulated throughout his entire life. As if losing his parents wasn’t bad enough, he lost his hearing in the accident his mother passed in. He was forced into foster care where he was continuously beaten and abused. By the time Aizawa had found him, he apparently was nonverbal and refused to even sign… that’s when I came into the picture.
Six months after officially and legally adopting Izuku, Aizawa took me in as his second foster care child. Izuku would finally communicate, but only with me. It was through lots of coaxing and comfort that he finally began to sign and talk with Aizawa. He never trusted adults… Aizawa was the only one. Which is why it was even harder when aizawa had to leave on “business trips,” leaving us in the care of his friend Mic.. that didn’t workout for obvious reasons. After a while, we were left to fend for ourselves if Aizawa had to leave for a few days, leaving me in charge to care for izuku. This has never been a burden to me, however… I’ve always taken the role of his big brother very seriously. From the day we met, I know we were supposed to be in each other's lives.. It’s the only thing I can ever thank my real father for.. Years of abuse and being taken away from my blood family led me to Izuku. I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Anyways, knowing him how I know him… which is extremely well. I know how he’s going to react to me leaving. We haven’t been separated since childhood. I was on the soccer team in junior high and had to stay after school for practices just about every day. Izuku didn’t take well to me not being with him after school and would cry himself into terrible panicked fits worrying about me. Aizawa never told me, knowing that it would make me quit the team… but I could always tell when something was wrong, especially with Izuku so the truth came out eventually. I quit the team… it wasn’t my thing anyways.
I lowered myself down on the floor in front of the couch, hands resting on the thin arms wrapped around the pillow. I pulled it from his chest, allowing him to hold on to my hands as he tried desperately to keep his tears at bay. He already knew what I was going to say, I'm sure of it. He has a way of knowing things about me, just as I do with him. But still, waves of patience and love wafted from him and surrounded me. His warmth was almost suffocating sometimes, and never in my life had I met a soul as pure as his. It was this same purity and warmth that kept me beating the men off with a stick. They all wanted a piece of my baby brother, but only one had come with true intentions. I flicked my eyes towards Bakugo, the short-tempered, loud individual standing tentatively in the door frame of the hallway. His eyes rested on Izuku, ready to step in and intervene at any moment. I can tell that he loves Izuku with a furiousness that could send mountains crashing down into nothing but meaningless piles of rubble and rock. He would keep him safe, no matter the cost. This was why I could finally accept a mission with Aizawa.
“Zuku, I’m going to go away for a few days. I have to go with Aiz-... Dad.. for some business.” my eyes scanned his face, watching as the realization crept into his eyes. Bright emeralds clouding with fear and uncertainty, I could practically hear the sound of his heart breaking in his chest. It made the strain on mine almost impossible to ignore.. “Wh- no! Sho, please don’t leave me. You- you can’t go! Dad wouldn’t make you! Why are you leaving me!?” he cried, body shaking with sobs. As much as I anticipated it, I would never be prepared to see him like this. I never was. His breaths were coming in faster now, more rapid and shaky than before. He was beginning to panic. The fingers holding my hands squeezed tightly, trying desperately to pull me to him by my arms. I nodded, my own eyes stinging with unreleased tears. Dammit, keep it together. He needs you to be strong.
“It won’t be long, zuzu… I promise. Just a few days and I’ll be back and we can do whatever you wanna do okay? I promise.” I felt like I was pleading with him, begging him to understand that I wasn’t abandoning him, that it was just for work and I'd be back in a few days. I didn’t want to leave him.
“No! I-I.. I won’t let you go! I won’t. You have to s-stay!” He was hitting my chest now, tiny fits balled so tightly his knuckles were white. “No, no, no!” he chanted, voice becoming more and more breathless as his panic began to spiral. Nineteen years old had never appeared so young. Nineteen, but crying like a child. Nineteen, but already so damaged and betrayed by the world… abandoned over and over and over, until that was all he knew.
I yanked him into my arms, holding him tight to my chest and effectively pinning his arms there. I rocked us back and forth slowly, raking a free hand through his curly hair, untangling the knots as I hit them. His crying didn’t let up for about 20 minutes. By the end of it though, he’d fallen asleep, still cradled to my chest. I let out the breath that I didn’t realize I'd been holding, waves of exhaustion rolling from me. This was the worst attack he’d had in a while. I'm just relieved he was able to tire himself out this time, I hated him giving him the sedatives the doctor had given. It made him so zombie-like and dazed… I hated seeing him that way.
I stood, careful not to wake the sleeping mess in my arms as I did and walked him towards my room. If he woke up in his bed in the next few minutes, it would send him right back into an episode. I don’t think either of us could handle that tonight. Looking at the clock, it was around the time he normally was getting ready for bed anyways. He’d sleep without his medication after wearing himself down like this… but I worried about the nightmares that could ensue.
I walked out to the living room to find Bakugo pacing anxiously, hands tight in his hair. Upon my entrance, he ceased his movement and rushed towards me. “Is he okay?” he asked, and I could hear the genuine concern in his voice. The love. Izuku deserved this kind of affection more than anything… I really hope this idiot doesn’t do anything to fuck this up. “He’s sleeping in my room, he’ll be out for a couple hours. The only thing is, obviously he didn’t take his medication. So in the event that he awakens due to a nightmare, I need to prepare you for that..” He nodded, head moving impossibly fast as he soaked in every word I said.
I spent the next hour explaining how and when to administer certain medications, nightly routine, hearing aid settings in case of malfunction, handing out my personal cell number as well as the number of Izuku’s doctor… basic things. I felt like a parent leaving my child alone with a sitter for the first time, and I guess in a way… I kind of was. I feel like I raised Izuku. Aizawa was an amazing father figure, for the both of us. I would always be extremely grateful for the life he provided me and zuku with. His work kept him away a lot though, and it was something I now understood very well.. Having entered the business myself.
I know waking izuku up to say goodbye was far from a good idea, so… I packed my things as quietly as possible.. telling Bakugo to call me as soon as Izuku was awake. I spared one last look at my baby brother, sleeping form so small in the center of my large bed. Everything would be okay.. He was strong. He can handle this, and Bakugo will be here… it will be fine. I sighed, saying goodbye to Bakugo and heading out of the apartment.
I’ll be back, Izuku. I promise.
finally, an update! haha. Sorry for the wait! and surprise! A shoto pov!
I just want to thank you guys for your kind comments, you have no idea how much it means to me. My dad is doing a bit better thanks to the treatments. Your support has helped me so much. x
Hope you enjoyed! :)
AND HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!!
I woke the same way I normally do, slowly with blinking heavy eyes, and then all at once. Out of breath, drenched in sweat, images of the nightmare I'd managed to escape from still fresh in my mind. Taking in my surroundings, I was in Shouto’s room.. I felt myself relax slightly, comforted by the smell of his blankets and the overall serenity of his room. He must have put me here after my fit earlier… I really should apologize to him. It was still dark out, the light from the moon seeping in through the gaps of the closed curtains. Shouto wasn’t next to me, he must have had trouble falling asleep… he’s probably just in the living room. I slipped from the bed, flinching at the coldness of the floor.
I walked out into the hall, making my way towards the area of the living room. I didn’t bother putting my hearing aids in, it was just Sho and I here anyways. It was probably really late by now, i’m sure after I checked on him we would both just crawl back into bed. My dependence on him was no mystery to me, I know I was extremely needy. He was all I'd ever really had, though. He truly was the only person in the world who loved me the way that I was, other than Dadzaiwa of course.. And, well… maybe Kachaan.
When I reached the living room, he wasn’t in his normal seat. However, someone else occupied the space.
“K-kat?” I could feel the vibration of my voice in my throat, and I hoped it conveyed how confused I was. His head snapped up at my voice, and he smiled as he rose slowly from his seat on the sofa. My eyebrows furrowed together in question, “where is Sho?” I signed. He watched my hands intently, not quite as familiar with sign language as shouto and I were, but he could keep up in conversation and he did his best. That’s all that really mattered, really. I watched his lips carefully as he spoke along with his signs, “he left for work.. Didn’t want to wake you.. Back in a few days..” I felt tears prick behind my eyes at the news. He left, without even saying goodbye?
Kachaan noticed my impending breakdown and rushed forward to wrap his arms around me. I felt his warmth immediately surround me, completely consuming me. He was always warm, It was one of my favorite things about him. He smelt like burnt sugar and campfire smoke, comforting and overwhelming in all the best ways. His strong hands stroked gently across my back, fingers dancing up and down the ridges of my spine. He was close enough that I could tell he was talking, I just couldn’t quite make out what he was saying.. Either way, it was comforting.. And it almost worked to calm me completely, until I remembered why I was crying in the first place. Then I was crying harder than before. I felt him sigh, grip on me loosening before he pulled me back to arms length. Crimson eyes stared straight into me, worry and compassion spilling out into the air. He was lovely, completely and utterly amazing in every way. Kachaan’s so amazing…
He raised his hands, signing slowly “how about me get your aids, and we call Shouto? Will that help?” he rubbed his hands down my arms, stroking gently as he looked at me. He was always so gentle with me, so caring and compassionate. I’d noticed how rough he was with others, and it warmed me to know that he only had this sense of softness for me. I nodded at him, and tried my best to offer him a small smile. He nodded back, pulling me to follow him to my bedroom to grab my aids from the dresser next to the bed. I put them in, adjusting the volume slowly until it felt right. “Good?” he asked, scanning my face for any signs of discomfort.
“Y-yes..” I mumbled, cringing at the sound of my own voice. It was rough, cracking with unshed tears. He smiled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to my forehead. He lingered there for a moment, one hand resting on my waist while the other cupped the back of my neck. I couldn’t help but lean forward into his kiss, his touch was addictive. I craved it more than anything, it was like a drug to me. He pressed our foreheads together, looking deeply into my eyes. It was a mess of green and red, wet with tears and glassy from panic and unease.. But he pulled me in, soft pillowy lips pressing against my slightly chapped one. My broken heart hammered in my chest, reminding me that there was still one in there at all. It felt like I'd given away every piece of it, leaving a gaping hole where it used to rest.. A heart that once loved so much, broken into bits by the only thing it knew. Until katsuki, all that fragile heart knew was despair, loss, and grief. I constantly grieved the loss of the boy who once loved everything and everyone so deeply. The wide-eyed, fluffy haired kid who would give everything to a stranger, just to see a smile.
But now, who was I? A depressed, deaf, underweight loser with no hope of ever coming out from this pit I let myself fall into… well, at least I was.
Kissing him was like Christmas morning, exciting and light. A childhood bliss, long forgotten once adulthood settled in. He returned that love and excitement into my life, one smile at a time. He was an angel in civilian clothing. My saving grace in disguise. How would I ever be enough for him?
I kissed back with as much ferociousness as I could muster, cheeks still wet with tears and shoulders still shaking when little sobs broke through. It was a mess of teeth and tears, sniffles and moans as I pushed him to fall back onto the bed. He landed with an ‘oof,’ eyes wide as he stared up at me. I climbed on top of him, straddling him as I leaned down to attack his mouth again. It was feverish, and all I could feel was heat. His hot skin, the heat rising in my body, his warm tongue running across my bottom lip. I whimpered as he squeezed my sides, hands tight against me. “Izu..” he moaned, tilting his head back in an attempt to look at me. I didn’t give him the chance, however, because I was placing kisses all over his neck. Sucking and biting at the exposed skin, soaking in his moans and hisses that he tried to keep under his breath. “Izu, h-hey.. Wait..”
I kept up the pace, kissing and running my hands across his chest. Why didn’t I notice he’d been shirtless this entire time? Had he been? I wasn’t sure…
“Baby, wait.. Izuku..” he attempted to pull me from my place on his chest, no doubt feeling the wetness of my tears dripping down to land on his bare chest. I didn’t budge however, feeling lost in the way his skin felt under my lips. That is, until I was abruptly flipped to rest on my back, Kachaan hovering over me. His hands framed my face, eyes staring down at me. I felt like I was looking right through him though, completely unfocused to whatever was going on. I couldn’t think clearly, everything was so mixed together and loud… it was like tv static. Was there something wrong with my aids? No… no that wasn’t it..
“I love you, but I don’t want this… not like this, okay? Let's call sho, yeah babe?” he stroked my cheek, swiping tears as they fell. I nodded at him, his blurry form rising from his place where he was previously hovering over me. My head chanted “ kachaan, kachaan, kachaan” as he pulled me into his arms, one arm against my back while the other was wrapped under my legs to hold me up. I wasn’t sobbing anymore, but I was pretty sure I was still crying.. I couldn’t really tell though.
I just wanted to be close to Katsuki.. I wanted him to hold me and never let go. I was hurt, scared, and… angry. Brother left me, he promised he never would but he was gone and he didn’t even tell me goodbye.. He didn’t say he was coming back. It was too much. I looked up when I felt Kachaan sit down, still cradling me in his arms. I noticed we were now in Shouto’s room. He climbed further up into the bed, pulling me to lie against his chest. “I’m gonna call him now, okay? Facetime, so you can see him..” he mumbled, pulling out his phone and searching for Shouto’s number. I almost laughed when I saw his contact name in kat’s phone was “Halfie.” I probably would have, if I could feel anything other than sadness.
He pressed the dial button, holding it up to his own face while it rang. The time it took for him to answer felt like eternity. The ringing was almost taunting me.
“Bakugo? What’s wrong?” I heard Shouto’s panicked voice from the other side of the phone, and I couldn’t help the little whimper that ripped past my lips. Katsuki shushed me, rubbing a comforting hand through my hair. “What’s up, Half-n-half? Zuku’ just wanted to see ya. Right, baby?” they seemed to exchange knowing glances, before Kachaan lowered the phone to rest in front of my face where it rested on his chest. I felt more tears well in my eyes at the sight of my older brother. He was trying his best to smile, but I could tell he was overrun with worry for me. “Hey izu” he cooed.
“Oniisan” I whimpered, little cries forcing themselves from my chest at the sound of his voice. He sighed, sides of his lips twitching downwards slightly as he forced himself to appear fine.. I know him too well, though. I know that he’s just as upset as I am about having to leave, and I suddenly felt bad for believing for even a second that he wouldn’t come home. “I’m sorry, bubs.. I didn’t mean to upset you so much, i’ll be back soon though okay? I promise.”
I nodded, staring deeply at the slightly blurred image of my older brother on the screen. He looked tired, stressed even.. I know whatever work Dad and Shouto do is dangerous. They kept me as far away from it as possible, but I'm not as dense to it as they believe me to be. I know the work they do is for the greater good, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is all gang related. They specialize in rescue missions, mostly saving hostages from Gang kidnappings or sex trafficking cases. They’re basically vigilantes. I was extremely proud of them, but I'd be lying if I said the selfish part of me wished that they could have less dangerous jobs. I don’t know what i’d do if one day they didn’t return from a mission. Sho usually got away with doing the investigating from home, pulling data online and hacking into computers and phones to gather information. This must be a very big deal if Dad needed him there directly.
“Just.. please come h-home safe, sho.. I need you..” I pleaded, voice shaky. He nodded in understanding, offering me another little smile. He was nervous, I could tell. I feared what this mission would bring for them. “Of course.. Aiz-... Dad says hi and he loves you.”
I nodded, telling him to tell Dad I said hello in return. We heard someone calling for him in the background, telling him to wrap it up on the phone. He sighed, pale fingers massaging his temples. “I gotta go, Izu. Be a good boy while i’m gone, okay? Bakugo will be there for you the whole time, okay?”
I could feel myself slowly regressing, mind glazing back over pushing me deeper into the fog of my subconscious. I was getting sleepier, more clingy and needy as the seconds ticked by. I sniffled, not wanting him to hang up. I wanted to keep talking to him until it was time for him to come home. In fact, I wanted to scream and cry, demand for him to come home immediately. But, the last logical piece of me forced myself to nod and mutter out an understanding. “Love you, zuzu. Later, sparky.” Kachaan mumbled something about Shouto being a “half-n-half bastard” before the phone clicked, signalling that the call had ended.
“He’s gonna be fine, promise. Just go to sleep, baby..”
The warmth of his body, the softness of his hands against my back, and the amount of crying I'd done within the last hour were enough for me to drift off to sleep.
He kept me safe, even when we were both unconscious to the world around us.
His arms rested around me, holding me close to him, as if he was afraid i’d suddenly disappear into the night. He always touched me so gently, as if he was trying to erase every hurtful hand that had ever previously resided there. To know every spot of me that had ever been hurt, so he could take it all away.. To make it better.
Soft, safe, warm..
Sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoyed this little update. I love reading your comments, so don't be shy ;)
Stop and listen
My skin is on fire, listen to it crackle
The voices of the villains cackle.
Hush, be quiet
My lungs are ashes
The past creeps in through the gashes
If I could pretend to breathe clean air
Maybe he would promise to stay right there
To stay safe with me,
In places no evil can reach.
In hideaways far from contact
I reach for him, only… he won’t reach back.
Where are you?
Where are you?
I know, I know... im terrible for making you guys wait so long for an update. I'm TRYING okay?
anyways, my heart literally explodes with joy when I read your comments so don't be shy.
I'm working on a new fic, and i'm thinking of making it primarily Shouto x Katsuki, if anyone would be interested in that? You know it's gonna have some post trauma for one of the characters, because clearly I just have to make one main character suffer :')