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No such things as clarities

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Shoyo Hinata was the kind of boy in school everyone knew. Not because he was some kind of it-boy but because his positivity, his natural behaviour to become friends with really anyone as well as his determination and skills to achieve his goal to become a professional volleyball player were reason enough to know him.

Shoyo had a talent to be your closest friends even though you were rivals on the court. He would face you without slacking off at a game and afterwards come to ask you out to eat food together and end the day with laughter. He was a sunshine. He was the sun. A sun shining so brightly that when you met him once and got caught up in his warmth, you’d be trapped.

Regardless of his sometimes clumsiness or his natural chaotic way of doing things, he would be the kind of friend you wouldn’t want to risk giving up, at all costs.

He was cheerful, kind, skilled and always up to make you laugh. Qualities which even drew a stoic Atsumu Miya in.

 


 

 

Ever since Atsumu and Shoyo got to know each other, desperate them starting off being rivals, they had eventually become friends.

Atsumu and Shoyo became friends that could laugh about silly jokes only they understood. Eat until their stomachs hurt or cry about awfully cheesy TV dramas when afterwards they would chat through the entire night about volleyball. Shoyo and Atsumu had become friends and neither of them wanted to ever miss having this friendship. Even if it meant for one of them to hold back their feelings.

Although Atsumu didn’t intent to, but as their conversations had become more frequent, their calls longer with each day while they would never run out of things to talk or laugh about, he had to realise that his feelings had developed into something more than just friendship.

He fell in love with him. Shoyo Hinata, the boy he had great expectations in. A volleyball player that still needed some development, but would become someone great. Atsumu was certain, he would want to be at his side when he lived his dream. Not just as a friend, but as a lover. To support him and give him more reason to smile, because his smile was the most gorgeous one on earth.

Yet as much as Atsumu was aware of his own feelings, he knew that he never had a chance.

 

While Atsumu fell more and more in love with Shoyo, Shoyo fell more and more in love with his crush. Oikawa Tooru.

Tooru was just like Atsumu a talented setter with a bright future ahead of him and as bright as his future had been as bright had become Shoyo’s smile each time he talked about him.

Atsumu remembered it well. The night Shoyo had confessed to him about his feelings. Shy and a little bit uneasy, he had asked Atsumu if he could chat. Alert Atsumu had immediately replied with a facetime call when Shoyo had poured out his heart to him. About how little he could help falling for him. About how hard it was to not confess to him when every time, Tooru had casually touched his shoulder or his back it made Shoyo’s heart beat faster. How he never would confess since he didn’t want to risk it becoming awkward between them or how little he wanted to put their friendship on the line.

Atsumu had listened to it all and while he felt his own heart shattering into pieces as he saw Shoyo cry over someone else who was not him, he held on to the last few threads keeping it together. While he comforted his friend and the person he loved with the words Atsumu would have needed as well, Shoyo had calmed down and fell asleep while they were talking.

Yes, Atsumu remembered this day as if it was yesterday. The entire night he had watched Shoyo sleep and toss around in bed until his alarm woke him up. His hair a total mess, he had checked his phone to realise that Atsumu had been still on when he send him the cutest morning smile ever, apologising to him while Atsumu just pretend he had fallen asleep as well and acted as if he didn’t notice.

That same day he had been scolded a few times during class to have nodded off and even skipped volleyball practice to catch up on sleep while he couldn’t get Shoyo’s sleeping face out of his mind.

It hurt. His heart hurt, but as much as it hurt, to lose Shoyo as a friend would hurt even more, so he decided he would never admit his feelings and be the kind of friend Shoyo needed. The friend who made him laugh and smile and gave him distraction when he needed it or tips as on how to react when he would meet with Tooru.

Atsumu had made up his mind. While he put a lock to his own heart to keep it from beating for the only person that had stolen it away from him, he would be there to be Shoyo’s support and cheer him on to become happy with the person Shoyo loved, even if it meant that it wouldn’t be him. At least for as long as he was sure, Tooru wouldn’t hurt him.

 


 

 

Tooru Oikawa and Shoyo Hinata knew each other probably the longest compared to all the other players Shoyo had met during high school. From the first time Shoyo had seen Tooru, he had been mesmerized by him. While Shoyo had innocently assumed Kageyama Tobio had been the strongest player he had ever met, Tooru had proofed Shoyo differently. And although Shoyo ended up meeting many more other players later on, very differently yet amazing in their own ways, he would never forget Tooru.

He was the kind of person that had captivated him and for Shoyo it had become very soon clear that his feelings had gone beyond admiration and had turned into something deeper. Even if it was hard to grasp for Shoyo, his heart had told him eventually that his feelings had been love.

Tooru Oikawa had become Shoyo’s crush and Tooru had - as they ended up meeting more and more - noticed that himself as well. Unable to ignore Shoyo’s innocently and cute habits of averting his eyes in his presence or ending up to flinch and blush as soon as he had touched him eben the slightest bit, they were unmistakable signs of affection and Tooru was getting more interested into him.

Trying to purposely get closer to him and decrease the distance they had build up as rivals to lessen and become friends with him, Tooru had developed feelings that made him want to see Shoyo more often than necessary.

Shoyo had become the first thing to think about in the morning and the last thing when he went to bed. And even if Tooru’s pride had tried to get in the way of his feelings, he couldn’t ignore them blossoming in his heart.

Shoyo had become a source of happiness and someone important to him. Tooru was caught. Caught in Shoyo’s soft laughs and his genuine smiles when he had finally begun to meet his eyes. Before he knew it, Tooru began to make up excuses to meet up for practice matches or other occasionally casual dates just to spend time with Shoyo.

And as Shoyo had slowly become more relaxed around him, the more time they spend together, the clearer Tooru’s feelings had become, yet he held back to admit them to the person concerned.  

While Tooru finally got to see Shoyo smile at him, it hurt even worse to realise the reason as of why he smiled around him.

Not soon after they had found time to meet frequently, Shoyo had started to talk about someone else more than Tooru would want to hear about. Miya Atsumu. A player form another school Shoyo had met during Nationals.

Tooru loved to see Shoyo smile and laugh, but at some point, whenever he told him about a funny story or something interesting it was Atsumu-san here and Atsumu-san there. He was aware that Shoyo didn’t mean to hurt him, but while he was so sure about knowing Shoyo’s feelings for him, he got more uneasy. Ever since he noticed Shoyo checking his phone more often during their meetings and every time the name Miya Atsumu was popping up on his phone’s display when Tooru got a chance to notice it, he lost more confidence to confess.

Thoughts like ‘have I been too hesitant?’, ‘am I too late?’, ‘does he not like me after all?’ kept putting a dark shadow over his own feelings and before he could have found the courage to confess to Shoyo, Tooru had began to shut them away. With Shoyo’s behaviour around him becoming a lot less shy or reserved, Tooru couldn’t help but feel jealous of the person who made Shoyo smile now more than he did.

He didn’t want to hurt Shoyo but as egoistic as he was, he didn’t want to suffer needlessly himself. For him, it was sure that he had failed his chance and he wouldn’t be a third wheel to someone else’s happiness, not when the person involved was Shoyo.

Therefore, instead of continuing to get closer to Shoyo, Tooru kept things as casual as he could, while trying to ignore his feelings.

 


 

Shoyo noticed at a certain point that some things had changed. Tooru had become more distant and while Atsumu had been always up for long chats, their conversations suddenly began to feel forced and robotic until he had confronted Shoyo with something he didn’t see coming at all.

Atsumu could no longer hold back the feelings he had locked away in his chest, not after Shoyo had told him how awful things are going with Tooru.  Having unlocked his heart, Atsumu had confessed to Shoyo leaving him with the option to either think about it and consider a relationship with him, since he assured Shoyo to make him happy, or to break off their friendship.

Confused and a mess with his thoughts as Shoyo was about to lose one of his closest friends while having to accept that his crush wanted to know less and less from him, he didn’t want to go through this. There was nothing to choose from that would sound like a good choice to make right now and although Shoyo didn’t see Atsumu’s confession coming, he couldn’t ignore it either and yet he needed his friend now more than anything.

Frustrated and without clarity to his thoughts, Shoyo had cried himself to sleep that night.

Love was something wonderful and warm but as for the three of them love was nothing than a mess and neither of them had an idea as of what they should do from now on.

 

They were lost, lost with their thoughts, lost with their feelings and lost for words.

 

 

 

The end.