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Honeyed Looks

Chapter 12: A sister is born for a time of adversity.

Summary:

Marinette meets with her civilian best friend and has an enlightening conversation.

Wrenched between terror and relief, which has her giddy thoughts wandering, she proves even more oblivious than she is normally.

In the end, she gets what she had needed for a long time, and Alya is okay with that too.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A reasonable history cram session on Sunday morning, complete with obligatory prayers and supplications to Kui Xing (she looked it up) becuase it couldn't hurt, had Marinette feeling at least moderately prepared for her test the next day.

Work done for the day, she checked her cell phone clock, and, as was typical for her, found herself slapping on an outfit that was just passable for a trip outdoors and then racing down the stairs, waving a hasty goodbye to her parents. An impressive jog, bolstered by just a little bit of frantic energy and her improved stamina thanks to regular rooftop runs, carried her through the winding Parisian streets. When she arrived at the rather quaint cafe where she'd agreed to meet Alya, her best civilian friend was already there, lounging in a chair at a table for two while, as usual, on her cell phone.

“Hey, girl!” Alya greeted with a wave. The normally slightly wild fringes of her hair had been tamed into submission and straightened, and she had forgone her typical slightly garish plaid shirt in flavor of a solid orange blouse. “Take a sec to get settled and I'll order for us. The usual?”

Breathlessly, Marinette nodded.

With that, Alya rose from the table and disappeared through the somewhat rustic wooden door to the cafe.

Sweat matted Marinette's hair to her brow, and she mopped at it while settling into the open seat.

As she tried to rearrange her clothing into something slightly more presentable, she double-checked her phone and found that her parents had sent her a warm but subtly concerned message. A quick apology text assured them that she was fine.

She had barely finished before Alya returned with a tray which held a pair of sandwiches, a large mug of steaming coffee, no doubt prepared just as Marinette liked it – unhealthily sweet – and a more refined cup of tea. The scent of jasmine wafted up, mingling with the harsher and rich caffeine smell of the coffee.

After Alya had set down the tray, but before she had the chance to sit down again, Marinette rose because she couldn't stand to wait another moment longer.

“Whoa!” Alya exclaimed as Marinette swept her up into a tight hug, resting her chin on Alya's shoulder. While the reporter was a much larger and more thickly-built girl, months of intense training as Ladybug had left Marinette with enough strength to heft the other girl off the ground for just a moment.

A few frantic taps to Marinette's back and a choked exhalation had her relent with a slightly embarrassed blush.

“Geez, girl! You practising for a wresting team or something?” Alya grimaced, rubbing at her ribs.

“Sorry,” Marinette apologized with a chortle. “I'm just really happy to see you.”

Dealing with Adrien and Kagami, who were pretty much pure muscle and could give as good as they got when it came to more ... viciously affectionate hugs, made it easy to misjudge her own strength sometimes.

“Likewise, girl, but you don't see me trying to break your ribs,” Alya groused good-naturedly while taking her seat.

“Trust me. If I'd been trying to break your ribs, I'd have done it.”

“Oh, I like the confidence. You really have been spending a lot of time with Kagami, huh?” Though it was clearly said in jest, a hint of a frown flashed across Alya's mouth and it left Marinette slightly unnerved.

“I can't thank you enough, Alya,” Marinette said, trying to compress a complex wealth of emotion into it. “You really saved my week by letting Adrien and Kagami know that I needed some help in school.”

Alya simply smiled, leaning back in her chair and fluffing up her red hair.

“Girl, you don't have to thank me,” Alya assured her in a tone so genuine that it actually made Marinette feel like she didn't owe her friend more than she could repay. “Heck, I should have been more on top of things as part of student council, but I just threw everything on you. That couldn't have made things easier.”

“No. I was being silly and not asking for your help or theirs.” Silly wasn't the right word, of course, but better to play it off that way. Come to think of it, though, Alya had been missing from a few council meetings. That was one of the reasons that so little work had been done.

“Nothing's wrong on your end, though, right?” Marinette stressed, caught with the sudden concern that she too may have been overlooking something important.

Retrieving a sandwich and taking a surprising dainty bite, Alya shook her head.

“Nah, girl. I've just been racing around, tugging on every thread that I can to get info on that Bee hero, and all I have is a few photos. You know how I am; I can get really excited, especially about the superheroes.”

“Trust me,” Marinette half-groaned, making a mental note to have 'Ladybug' speak to Mitsubachi regarding a possible interview. “I knew that from the moment that we met and you basically told me that you lived your life based on Majestia's example.”

“Hey, I was thirteen, okay? Not the old maid I am now.”

“My point is that it was clear that you had superheroes on the brain,” Marinette offered, taking a sip of her coffee. Good lord. It was sweet to the point of having her grimace.

Perfect.

“Yeah,” Alya said with a sad laugh before looking off towards another pair of girls gossiping at a nearby table. “Ah, about that... Nino was right, you know?”

“When?”

“When I was fighting with Adrien. He was right that I just want to do... something,” she said, keeping her voice measured though the strain was clear on her face. It was an almost ... grotesque and alien look on her – something that suggested mingled sorrow and self-loathing. “'Cause I blew my chance, girl. I let Ladybug down when she needed me. I showed her that I couldn't be trusted.”

Oh. So Marinette hadn't overlooked anything at all. That was wholly on Ladybug.

“Alya, that's not true at all,” she assured while making yet another mental note to have Ladybug affirm the same thing during the next interview she offered to the Ladyblog.

“It really kind of is,” Alya retorted, resigned, and took another sip of her tea. “She's not going to give me a miraculous again after that CCTV footage came out after that mess with Miracle Queen, and I just thought... the blog is all that I can do, you know? To show everyone how amazing she is and everything that she does for us. People can forget that when she saves them everyday, when it becomes normal, but it's not and she's not. They're... extraordinary.”

“It's not just her, you know,” Marinette said, conflicted, because how can you hear someone talk about you like that and not feel guilty and abashed and puffed up and slighted on behalf of her partners who did just as much as her? “She has a lot of help. Without the people who support her, she wouldn't be able to do anything.”

“Yeah. Chat does seem to have his head on straight these days, but the bee is keeping the bad-ass levels firmly on the female side of the scales,” Alya added a little too enthusiastically as she raised her half-empty cup. “Respect.”

“Well, of course she needs the other heroes,” Marinette granted while toasting 'Mitsubachi' alongside Alya, “but she must have family to support her too. And friends.”

“Sure, and I wanted to be one of those people.” After a moment's pause, Alya's voice dropped into a slight hush. “Even if it wasn't while I was wearing a mask, so ... the blog. And if that was what I was going to do, well, you know that I can get, like, a one-track mind. Like a dog on a bone.”

Oh, how desperately Marinette wished to be able to tell her that she was one of those people – one of the people who helped Ladybug on a daily basis.

“You're determined, Alya,” Marinette offered because that attitude was the thing that, along with Chat's encouragements, had convinced Ladybug to even be a hero. Her two best friends made her who she was. “That's one of the things that people respect about you – that Nino loves about you.”

“Yeah, but that means that I don't see things sometimes, and that I lose track of them.” Her cup clattered against the table as she set it down roughly and pinched her forehead with a thumb and forefinger before looking up.

“I-uh... I never meant to lose track of you too, girl,” she finished, throat bulging slightly with a nervous swallow.

“Oh, Alya," Marinette breathed and reached out to put a comforting hand over the other girl's wrist. “I never thought that for a minute. I know that things haven't been great between us lately, but you really helped me out. You're a- you're a really good friend, and I'm sorry for not... talking to you more."

The affirmation and the memories of just how good a friend she was, despite all their problems and all Marinette's continual lies, had tears pricking at her eyes too.

“Hey, hey, babe,” Alya soothed. “What's wrong?" Scooting her chair closer, she wrapped an arm around Marinette, squeezing in a way that had the smaller girl feeling comfortably warm. Safe. It was like being held by her papa.

Marinette shook her head into Alya's shoulder. “I've- I don't know. I've just been ... hiding a lot."

"I get that too, girl." The slow words had Alya's chin nearly massaging the top of Marinette's head.

"I don't think that you do, Alya,” Marinette replied, pulling back from the firm but gentle hug and smoothing out her shirt with a sniff. “There's something that I should have told you, but..."

"Girl," Alya assured so, so gently with a light stroke of Marinette's hair. "I know."

"You do?"

"Yeah,” Alya nodded and her hand trailed down from the tight lines of hair held firm by Marinette's pigtails, thumb just skimming by the baker's cheek, so that Alya could squeeze her upper arm “What you've been hiding. I get it.”

“Really?” Marinette asked, bubbling concern tightening up her lungs as she pulled back from the hug. If Alya actually knew, then they had made some horrible mistake – slipped up. If she knew, then Gabriel or Tomoe could find out too.

“I mean, I didn't think that I'd done anything to let it slip,” Marinette prodded in search of confirmation. Then, she bit her lip, the stinging pain focusing her and preventing her from vomiting her concerns or giving something critical away based on assumptions.

“You played your cards pretty close to the vest,” Alya granted.

“We, uh ... kinda had to.”

“Listen, girl,” Alya began, her face falling as she worried her hands together. “If I ever made you feel like you had to hide it from me, or that I wouldn't accept it – well, I'm sorry because I'm a pretty shitty friend."

"No- no,” Marinette denied firmly because Alya believing that for a second was even worse than her knowing. “I always knew that you'd support me, even if we had our problems. It's just..."

"Kagami's mom?” Alya offered, looking up from her lap. “From what I hear, at least."

"Yeah. That's one reason,” Marinette said, taking a moment to polish off her coffee just to buy herself some time. Lukewarm and sweet, it turned her stomach. Tentatively, clutching the empty mug in her hands, she asked softly, “How did you figure it out?"

"You kidding, girl?” A little scoff had Alya sounding like herself again.”You should have seen the look on Kagami's face when I told her about what was going on. Scary as hell."

"She can be kind of intense,” Marinette granted and bit back a retort because Alya's voice descended into something just slightly bitter. It pricked a 'Ladybug' defensive instinct. Kagami was not 'scary;' just ... emotionally different. Like Marinette herself was different.

“But she's a good person," Marinette stressed.

Alya leaned back in her chair to study Marinette, and the intense furrowing of her brow that caused the mole on her forehead to pop had Marinette feeling like she was being... not judged but assessed, prompting her to lean into her best friend's space slightly to try to close the distance. This scene, or ones like it, had played out in Marinette's mind a dozen times: being found out.

Alya's typical exuberance regarding relationships, surprise mingled with some anger at Marinette's deception, even mute shock had been possible, but this uncertain, penetrating stare, like Marinette was the subject of a tricky interview, had never crossed her mind.

Finally, Alya broke out into a smile, her hazel eyes fluttering as she she was being shaken awake, and she gave Marinette's shoulder a light shove.

"Yeah. That wasn't fair. Anyone who has got the good taste to be in love with you can't be all bad," she added with a nod.

Rather than inspiring terror, it had Marinette wilting in unexpected relief, elbows and forearms collapsing to the table to support her suddenly limp body as yet another weight sloughed off.

"So you did figure it out. I- I wasn't really sure until you said it.” Someone knew. Someone whom she trusted and loved and could talk about things with in a way that she couldn't with Adrien or Kagami or her parents.

“Hey, you've got to get up pretty early in the morning to pull the wool over my eyes, and, love you, girl,” Alya teased in a way that had Marinette chortling in her typically awkward way, “but that's never going to happen with you. Do you even know what early is?”

“10:00 AM?” Marinette offered, though that was only half a joke.

“See?” Alya pressed, throwing both of her hands up in front of her, palms to the sky as if she had just given up on her perpetually-tardy friend.

Marinette kind of deserved that.

They polished off the vestiges of their sandwiches, and Alya thumbed towards the little promenade just across the street that curved off into the distance. After collecting their plates and mugs and dropping them off inside, the pair ambled along in companionable and comfortable silence, taking in the scenery and it just felt so normal, like nothing at all had changed and they were just them again.

Her thoughts throughout their entire walk fixated on that feeling and she wondered how much healing could be done if she was honest about everything to Alya, Adrien, and Kagami, despite the fact that she had agreed with Chat last night that there were so many things they had to hide. That would just be unfair to him on so many levels. If anyone knew, he deserved to be first.

At Alya's gestured invitation, they sat together on a park bench to watch the traffic pass them by.

It was then that Alya, her voice soft and inquiring, though Marinette couldn't fathom the question, spoke again.

“I didn't know that you had those kind of feelings, girl.”

Marinette shrugged helplessly as she resettled herself on the hard, unyielding wood of the bench.

“Neither did I until Kagami,” she admitted with a slight flush, assailed by the memory of Kagami shirtless. Stupid atypical brain chemistry and hormones always ganging up on her.

“How did it happen?”

“It was ... the magic of Andre's ice cream, I guess,” Marinette said, feeling just a little bit smug at the indignant glare that Alya threw at her. “I don't know. We just... clicked. I mean, it took hard work and I really didn't get it for a while, but I realized that I loved spending time with Kagami.”

“No 'we got locked in a tiger cage' moment, for you?” Alya stressed the question, elbowing Marinette cheekily.

“Well...” Marinette drawled, half-teasing and half reluctant because it was mortifying to admit, but also exhilarating in a way that had her entire body warming up and comforting because gabbing about cute guys ... or girls, as per your preference, was what you were supposed to do with a best friend. It was something a teenager was supposed to do.

“Come on,” Alya prodded, a feral light in her eyes. “Spill to your bestie.”

“... she's got really nice abs,” Marinette whispered, practically into her own chest as she just burned up on the spot. So this was how spontaneous human combustion happened.

Alya went slack-jawed for a moment, her cheeks actually darkening as she plucked off her glasses as if she couldn't believe her own eyes and ears.

The stupor gave Marinette a moment to take one further mental step.

Contemplating the inciting incident that woke her up to the fact that a girl could be “attractive,” it seemed like she might have some varied and unexpected interests between the whole “abs” thing and the way she responded to Adrien eating... or drinking.

I can live with that.

There was a dangerous half-formed thought that involved those two ... interests coinciding in some vague way, though her brain couldn't quite fit the pieces together.

“Girl, you're a perv!” A sentence that began in a breathy whisper turned into an enthused shout. Alya slapped one hand to her mouth as if aghast while giving Marinette a shake that rattled her out of her rather appealing thoughts and memories. That might be an accurate assessment... and it was normal teasing.

“This is a whole new side of you,” Alya said, looking like a mother who was watching her little baby girl taking her first steps. “And I'm so proud.”

“So,” Marinette said with a sigh as she rubbed her cheeks to try to hide her blush. “That's how I started to figure out that I liked spending time with her and that she was... good-looking.”

“I think that's usually how it is, though some of us have our 'tiger cage moment',” Alya admitted nonchalantly, her mood downshifting in a way that Marinette didn't quite understand. “You start realizing things and they don't quite line up with what you thought – or what you were told was normal.”

“I think that Kagami did too.”

Passing a thumb over her upper lip and then biting her nail between her teeth, Alya appeared to be contemplating that as she mumbled out around her nail, “So you were each other's wake-up call?”

“Yeah.” An interesting turn of phrase. A Kagami alarm clock. Blinking her eyes open to that kind of sight in the morning would certainly have her ... roused. “Pretty much.”

“When was this, again?” Alya asked, withdrawing her thumb and lacing her fingers in front of her.

“It took a little while, but Andre's was about three months ago.”

“I missed this for three months?” Alya gaped. “Man, I'm bad at my job! I should have talked with Kagami weeks ago.”

“You didn't even know that there was a story to investigate,” Marinette reassured her. “You said that you realized it when you spoke with her,” she continued hastily with a little roll of her hands to encourage her best friend to, in her words, 'spill.' “Did she do anything specific to tip you off?"

"Not really. It was like... she just seemed angry at first. It got worse when she heard that you were struggling at school, then Adrien started talking about how we had to help you because you're such a good friend," she mocked lightly with a quirk of her brow.

Oh, Adrien. So kind. Radiant. Dreamy. Far from carefree. Such a caring dork every now and then, especially when he kept on using that phrase, an inside joke, to rob it of its power and its bitterness because to the world that was all they could be.

“Did he actually say that?” she scoffed while knocking a fist against her forehead.

“Yeah.”

“And what did Kagami do?” That should be good. The answer, however, was not quite what she expected.

“She started to talk about you and how good you were to her and everyone, like it was obvious. She had this little soft look in her eyes, and *bam*” - Alya smacked a fist into her palm to emphasize her point. “I got it.“

What was even Marinette's life at this point? She was just bouncing around between pretty much everyone in her circle because *whoops* now you need a hug! Kagami to Adrien to Kagami and Adrien to Chat to Alya and back to Kagami again. A human ping-pong ball of hugs.

"And- uh, I have to ask.” And she did, even though she knew. “You won't say anything, right?"

"I'd take it to my grave if that's what you needed me to do,” Alya said, and that deadly seriousness had a shudder trailing its way down Marinette's spine, “though I'd miss out on being a bride's maid."

"Maid of Honour, obviously, Alya."

“Obviously, but you don't have to worry. Adrien was right: I am better than a tabloid journalist.” She frowned, tight lines of frustration settling across her face. "I would never out someone who's in the closet, especially someone who has to be because Kagami's mom is a witch."

Hearing that made her feel ... weird, though it had nothing to do with Alya herself, who, as if sensing a spiral not into anxiety but still into her own mind, stroked Marinette's thigh lightly.

It hit her only just now and it was so stupid that it had taken her this long.

That- that was what she was.

A closeted... poly ... bisexual. Wow, that was complex. How do you deal with that at fifteen?

The label scrapped around her brain, never quite fitting into any conceptual crevice. She had just ... felt how she felt, been who she was, at least in those rare moments when it was just them and she actually could.

Of course she had come to accept that she liked girls – or, at least, Kagami because no other girl seemed to have turned her head. 

With the hand that was not tracing soothing patterns on Marinette's upper leg, Alya was fiddling with the pleated folds of her blouse, waiting for her to process.

It was obvious that she couldn't tell people about Kagami... but she had never even thought of it that way. She and Kagami and Adrien were “in the closet” because her girlfriend's mother wouldn't accept them and her boyfriend's father would punish him – rip him away from everyone he loved and who actually loved him – if he knew.

All the new necessary lies had just ... folded in with the old ones and she hadn't even thought about the additional mental load.

“I never worried about that for a minute, Alya,” Marinette answered at last. A few calming breaths through her nose allowed her to take in the odour of... car exhaust. Bleh. At least that brought her into the real world.

"I do have one question,” Alya began hesitantly. “Kind of awkward, though, but I think that it's pretty important."

“Ask away, Alya. I think we're way beyond awkwardness at this point.”

"Well, you've been going on a lot of ... dates, I guess, with Kagami and Adrien.”

“Yeah.” Marinette nodded, and the relief that Alya knew that they were “her” dates as well was still a warm and soothing shock that tingled everything from her heart to her extremities.

“Adrien's a pretty sensitive guy, so, uh, I guess I'm kind of worried about him.”

“What do you mean?” Was it possible that she and Kagami, who were pretty forceful on occasion, when she wasn't melting down, might ignore him and his needs? Unconsciously, she tugged at a pigtail nervously. Could her fixations and her dreams ever make her ... like Gabriel?

“Well,” Alya continued. Her hands ran slow circles around her knees and it was almost terrifying that the normally perspicacious young woman was struggling to find her words.

“It's just... didn't he like Kagami? How long are the two of you going to keep using him as cover?"

Marinette didn't mean to laugh, but she did. Uproariously.

And it felt good.

The look on Alya's face when she explained her actual relationship felt even better.

But telling the truth to someone whom she could trust? That left her with the best feeling of all.

Notes:

The kids have learnt the necessity of communication and openness here, which no amount of “honeyed looks” or cuddles can match, and Marinette is going to be a little bit less prone to fabricating unnecessary and convoluted lies, as she often does in canon due, in part, to the way in which her own thoughts can get away from her and the fact that she has grown accustomed to lying constantly about the "larger things." That sort of necessity can bleed into everything in your life, especially when it is combined with a martyr complex and a tendency to overthink situations.

I very much hope that you've enjoyed the ride. Thank you for all of your engagement: reflective, insightful comments, praise, critique, kudos, and, more than anything, the simple act of reading through this story and sharing the love for this rare polyfidelious triad.

If you're interested in the identity reveal and further development of this relationship, you can certainly read the sequel: Palates for Sweet and Sour, which takes an even more angsty turn. People have to earn their happy endings.