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Published:
2020-05-11
Updated:
2021-03-02
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8/?
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Achingly Sweet, Hauntingly Beautiful

Summary:

Ever since the loss of her soul mate on Exegol, Rey is haunted by achingly beautiful dreams of sweet kisses and blue butterflies.

Her anger and hate begins to grow, fueled by the cruel betrayal of the Jedi and the blatant destruction of the Sith. On the desert sands of Tatooine, Rey sheds her old identity and takes on the name of Kira Ren.

Kira vows to bring back Ben Solo, or else every being in Galaxy will bow down to their cold and all powerful new Empress, Kira Ren.

Chapter 1: The Haunting of the Butterflies 🦋

Chapter Text

“I don’t know what to do Finn, I’m crazy about her!” Rey heard the deep tones of Ben’s voice coming out of the Rebel base conference room as she was passing by, following the blue butterfly down the hall. She stopped dead in her tracks, beaming happily, knowing that he was talking about HER.

“Why don’t you just TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL,” she heard Finn reply, before stopping suddenly, as a clattering, banging crash rang out. Rey was just in time to see the cause of this sudden interruption; it was an eager young intern, balancing an overladen tray in one hand while attempting to open the conference room door with the other. Overestimating either his strength or his balancing abilities, he fumbled and dropped both the tray and it’s edible contents all over the entrance of the room in a glorious, noisy mess, effectively putting an end to the too interesting conversation Rey had inadvertently been witness too. The blue butterfly, startled, flew up and out of sight.

As Finn calmly walked over and began helping the intern, Rey caught Ben’s eye as he stood, surprised, inside the room. His face lit up when he saw her. He then hurried over to her side, smiling down at her in greeting.

As they slowly began sauntering down the hallway together, the back of Ben’s hand brushed gently against hers. Smiling roguishly, Rey intwined her small fingers around his large ones, and looking up at him, coyly asked him, “would you like to kiss me?”

Ben gasped softly, and stared at her just for a moment; the next instant, his lips were upon hers, and they were sweetly, joyfully kissing. The blue butterfly landed gently on Ben’s cheek.

And then she woke up.

...

Rey sat up in bed, in the dark still night. The truth slowly washed over her, a bitterly cold wave of hurt and rage. It was only one week after the battle on Exegol.... she had been “back” at Rebel base for four days now. Bitterly, painfully she remembered, Ben was... gone. She’d been dreaming of him every time she’d closed her eyes since that day. The dream! It was so very achingly sweet.... so hauntingly, beautifully real. What they both could have had. She shivered, grief rendering her nauseous.

How deeply she HATED the Jedi now. She felt the force building up, sizzling inside her and prickling across her skin, as her hair crackled and twirled around her in an electric frenzy. “Not yet,” she told herself, forcing the anger and pain back down inside her. Not yet.

You see, she had died that day on Exegol too. When the Jedi ghosts left her and Ben to fight against Palpatine alone, when they allowed Ben to be thrown down into the pit, when they refused to help either of them, to bring each other back with the force. When the Jedi utterly abandoned them both...

Why did that surprise her? She asked herself that question over and over. After all, they had abandoned Ben his whole life! Ever since he was in his mother’s womb they allowed him to be mentally tortured by the Sith without a care. Rey didn’t believe for a moment that the Jedi couldn’t have appeared to him for guidance. At least his own, living uncle! Ben’s lifelong search for his grandfather opened up his mind to the evil ones who manipulated and warped him, until he almost lost himself. His parents gave up on him, his uncle betrayed him, his grandfather never appeared to guide him.

Yet, Anakin Skywalker had appeared to HER, only at the moment of destroying Palpatine. Luke guided HER, only when it was worth his while. Leia put trust in HER, apparently giving up on her son.

The Jedi didn’t care about Rey or Ben any more than the Sith did; each only wanted to fulfill their own selfish purpose, would only use you as long as it was convenient for them, and then leave you alone to die.

Rey was no longer the same innocent, hopeful, starry eyed girl, and she knew it. She recalled the first few hazy days after Ben’s passing. Her animalistic screams of tortured rage, her bouts of hysteric crying, and the dark periods where she blacked out, dreaming of nothing but a caged blue butterfly, ripping and tearing its wings against the cage as it desperately tried to escape. She remembered her begging and pleading out for the Jedi to come and help her, to bring Ben back, to restore the other half of her soul; but there was no sound, no word, they had abandoned her alone, sobbing, and clutching Ben’s sweater to her chest.

On the third day of grief, she felt a deadly change steal over her. Soon her mind was made up, and she felt steady in her new resolve. Wiping away her tears forever, she allowed them to build up internally, corroding her heart like drops of acid, so it would match her damaged soul. And on that day she made her vow; she would bring her Dyad Ben Solo back, or else the galaxies would feel the wrath and experience the unparalleled power of their new Empress, Kira Ren.

***

Kira.... no, still REY, she corrected herself... was shocked at how easy it was now to put her plan into action. She took the fighter... Ben’s fighter... and made her way back to the rebel base, Ben’s sweater reverently placed inside her shoulder bag with the blue and green sabers. She would need these twin sabers, Luke and Leia’s, if she wanted to set her plan in motion.

As she landed, she plastered a robotic, false smile on her face and joined her so-called, celebrating “friends”. None of them knew HER, none of them CARED enough about HER to want to know her heart. They all just cared about what she could give to them. The Rebels were still arriving home, in groups, joyful and exuberant, no one seeming to feel just how many lives had been lost. Ex-stormtroopers were surrendering by the ship-full, and all were being welcomed with open arms.

The Generals Finn and Poe, shocked at her reappearance, had run over to great her. They’d imagined she was dead. Finn had sensed her passing, then confusedly, imagined he felt her return. But it was faint, and different. She saw the way they were looking at her face, and readjusted her false smile in order to be more convincing. “Perhaps a tear would be appropriate here?” she wondered. She tried her best to hide her disgust and anger and make her eyes look sad and emotional. She sensed that Finn’s force sensitivity was getting stronger, she knew she would have to be very cautious so as not to alert him to her now altered state of mind.

Refusing to say much, she went straight to her room, and for the first time in three days, fell into a proper, deep sleep. As she slept, she dreamed...

***
Walking into her room, she saw Ben sitting cross legged upon her bed, the breeze wafting the long white curtains through the large open window behind him. A blue butterfly lazily fluttered there with the white fabric.

“Ben! You’re here” Rey joyfully exclaimed, eagerly advancing towards him. Ben looked up at her, hurt and pain in his eyes. The look on his face stopped her in her tracks, and she waited for him to speak, confused.

“Rey... you abandoned me. Why did you leave me Rey?”

“Ben, I would never! I stayed for three days trying to get you back. And as I left Exegol I vowed I will, I won’t give up on you Ben.”

Ben sighed at this, sadly smiled at her, then stood up and ducked out of the window to leave. Rey knew she couldn’t follow him.

“Ben! Ben come back. Before you leave... won’t you kiss me?”

Ben rushed back into the room, catching Rey up in his arms, kissing her passionately as the butterfly swirled and danced around them.

***
Over the next few days, there was enough bustle and confusion at Rebel Base to occupy the Generals, and everyone left Rey pretty much alone. She refused to see a doctor, and backed away from the smiling advances of the people she used to know. “That’s what they are to me now,” Rey thought bitterly, “simply people I used to know.”

General Poe called for a post war meeting on the afternoon of the seventh day post Exegol. Rey was sent her summons as well, the leaders all wanted to hear her account of what happened, not having any clear information on her actions or whereabouts after she left her team on Kef-Bir. Rey knew what she would have to do, and spent the day planning out the speech she would make, the lies she would tell; she had to lay the groundwork for her plans. The force energy inside her surged and sparked in delight, feeding off her sizzling anger.

***

As Rey walked down the hallway towards the council meeting, head held high, she listened to snippets of whispered conversations wafting around her.

“She saved us all...”
“Her? She doesn’t look like much.”

“Power from PALPATINE.”
“NO, she is a JEDI..”

“Luke AND Leia trained...”
“...new chosen one?”

“...heard she refused to see a doctor, looks like death.”

“...force lightning...”

“compassion for him...”
“... not Kylo Ren?”

“Not today,” Rey told herself, forcing herself to remain calm, “ignore them all and get through today. Maintain the virginal Jedi goddess image for a few days more and then be free.”

Settling down into her seat, the meeting started. Rey soon drifted off into her own thoughts as Poe, Finn and the other various Captains and Lieutenants droned monotonously on about ships captured, soldiers lost, planets and allies gained. She was suddenly startled out of it as the mention of “Ben Solo” caught her ear. She quickly sat up and focused on the speaker. It was General Finn.

“...Ben Solo was the name of Han and Leia’s lost son. Not all of you know that he was also known as Kylo Ren.”

Shocked whispers erupted at this, as Finn and Poe called out for quiet and order. Rey stared at Finn, not breathing. When everyone was finally settled, Finn cleared his throat and continued.

“General Leia Organa was a wonderful friend to me, and so was her husband Han Solo, for the short time I knew him. After I learned the identity of their son, I was unable to reconcile the idea in my mind. How could someone so evil come from such good people?

Soon I had my answer. Life is not black and white friends. That’s what the Sith, and the first order would have us believe. The legends of Luke Skywalker and his father, Darth Vader, were true. Vader was redeemed and saved his son and the Galaxy. Even he had some good in him. We have heard this story over and over again since our infancy. It’s a favorite bedtime story we use to build hope in the hearts of our younglings. No one is irredeemable, there is hope for us all.

My friends. There is something about myself I have never yet made public. Before her passing, I confessed to General Leia that I felt the stirring of force sensitivity in my soul. She gave me some tips and pointers on how to enhance it.

After she passed, right before we rode out on our glorious Orbak assault, I had a vision, if you will. I have no other way to explain it. As I stood, preparing for battle, the General Princess came to me, shining bright and blue tinged. She told me something that I will tell you all now:

“Finn... my son, dear Finn, save my son! Ben Solo has been redeemed, he is Kylo Ren no longer. He has shed his dark identity and is at this moment assisting the Jedi Rey. They are equals in the force, she has saved him and now he will save us all. Give him a home Finn, give him forgiveness, welcome him back for me now that I am gone.”

I promised her, my friends. I promised her we would welcome her son home with open arms! Does anyone here think I’m wrong? With that, General Leia disappeared. I hope I spoke for all of us!”

The room erupted in clapping and cheers, as Rey sat there, entranced, bewildered, the beginnings of hysteria building in her chest. Finn looked into her eyes, noticing how shaken she was, and addressed her.

“Rey. Tell us what happened on Exegol. Tell us how you defeated Palpatine. If Ben Solo was with you, if he helped you, he is forgiven and fully pardoned. If he is alive he is welcome home. Tell us your story Rey.”

Rey was so sick, so weak and dizzy at the effort she was exuding to control the frenzy of rage and grief that Finn’s speech had dunked her into, that everyone in the room became concerned. She was quickly surrounded by worried, friendly faces, as someone forced a cup of water to her lips, and another fanned her with a stack of papers. Rey cried out then, one piercing, sharp cry of grief, as every moveable object in the room floated momentarily in the air, dropping back down as soon as the echo of Rey’s shriek died away.

General Poe quickly called for a fifteen min break, as Finn gazed at her anxiously, trying to sense her emotions and failing. Rey escaped as fast as she could into the fresher, remaining there, striving to compose herself, and utterly failing.

The ONE, LONE, SAD, SUPPORTING THOUGHT that has sustained Rey during this long, torturous week, was that if Ben had survived, he never would have been welcomed back at Rebel base. He would have been on the run all his life, as his old enemies tried to catch him for lifelong imprisonment or execution. Rey would have gladly joined him in giving it all up. But now, to learn that his old enemies would have welcomed him home with open arms, would have honored him as a hero of war and a prodigal son returned? The sting and disappointment was overwhelming, it made her grief infinitely more bitter. He deserved better; Ben Solo deserved better!

***
Finally composed, Rey exited the Fresher and walked back into the meeting room, walked without seeing anyone or anything around her... straight up to Finn’s side. A hush fell over the room, as everyone looked at her reverently, fearfully, waiting for her to speak.

She did speak then. She gave them her rehearsed tale. The short version, that Ben Solo saved them all, by supporting her in her fight against Palpatine. That as she collapsed, dying, he gave her his life force, bringing her back to life and fading away. That they owed the saving of the galaxy to HIM. And that she would spend her life honoring his sacrifice.

She got a standing ovation after her speech, and had to endure the smiles, handshakes and congratulations of everyone in the room. Finn clapped her on the back and smiled proudly, not realizing his dear friend was dead inside, that she had lost half of her soul. That she was now Kira Ren.