Traveling by car was one of Kaownah's favorite things to do. So when his parents told him that they were going to Rayong to visit their relatives, he exclaimed in too much excitement. But he didn't have any idea how a simple trip would turn out to be something different and it all started when they witnessed an explosion on the way to Rayong.
His family departed later than they expected because his father was held at his own office to finish some papers before having a vacation for a week. For Kaownah, it was a peaceful ride going to the province not until an explosion caught their attention.
"Oh my god! What was that?" Kaownah's mother asked in panic.
Kaownah's father stopped the car at the side after they got a little closer to the area where an explosion was seen. "Let's take a look." He got out of the car to check what was the thing that exploded.
"I'll go with dad, mom."
"What? No! Just stay here."
But Kaownah didn't listen to his mom. "It's okay mom, it's safe." He pulled the car handle and got out. He followed his dad, who was standing at the edge of the cliff. "What was it, dad?"
Looking down on a thing that was on fire. He could tell that a car fell off of the cliff and exploded. "Oh no, it's a car."
"A car fell off?!"
"Honey? What is it?" His wife shouted from the car.
"A car fell off the cliff!"
"How about the people riding on that car? Let's call a police."
Kaownah's parents were having a conversation about what happened. As they were having a talk, Kaownah wondered around the place taking a few steps while his eyes never leaving the car that is on fire.
After taking a few steps, he suddenly kicked on something. Something that was a little hard, but not as hard as a rock. Out of his curiosity, he looked down. It was getting dark and the place was full of trees and a few lamposts, so he needed to look closely and when he did, he saw a figure of a man lying on the road.
"DAD!!!" Kaownah started screaming at the top of his lungs after seeing a man lying in front of him. "DAD! There's a man! There's a man!"
Because of Kaownah's nonstop screaming, his parents rushed to where he was and there, they saw a man lying on his stomach. His mother was shocked to see a man lying on the road, she placed her hands on her son's shoulder as she held on to him.
Kaownah's father crouched down to check the man. He carefully turned the man to lie down on his back, and he could see scratches and cuts on his face and body. Now, he needs to check if the man is still alive or not. He tried to see if the man was unconcious by gently shaking and tapping his shoulder. When he didn't receive any response, he glanced to his family while plastering a look on his face that was asking for help.
"Try to check if he's breathing. Try to listen to it." His wife suggested and he did what she has said.
He leaned closer to the man's face and placed his ear over the man's mouth and nose. His eyes widened when he felt the man's irregular breathing rushing on his ear and cheeks. "He's alive! Kaownah, help me. Let's take him to the nearest hospital."
They didn't waste much time and instead of calling an ambulance, they gently carried him and brought him to the car, taking him to the hospital, hoping that they could save the man's life.
Kaownah and his parents spent their time both visiting the hospital and catching up with their relatives. They didn't hear any reports about the accident on that day that's why they were thinking that no one was looking for the man and so they just focused their attention on the man's recovery instead. The man that they saved that day, was given another chance of his life after the doctors did everything just to save him.
On the 5th day, he finally woke up and the staff of the hospital called Kaownah's family right away. They arrived at the hospital after receiving a call that the man they admitted has finally woken up.
When they reached the hospital, the doctor held them for a private talk before they could even visit him in his room. Reminding them about some information that they gathered after he woke up.
"He has an amnesia, which means that he has lost his memories. When he woke up, he was furious. We tried to calm him and asked a few questions in which he couldn't answer, not even one and not even his name. Despite of having an amnesia, his brain injury wasn't really that severe so I will just prescribe some medicines for him. And he needs to be monitored closely at home as well. Lastly, if you're asking about when is he going to regain his memory... I don't know. We can't tell until when his memories come back. Another thing is that, there's a possibility that this will become a permanent amnesia."
Those were the facts that kept on lingering on Kaownah's mind as they were walking heading to the man's room. When they reached the room, they stood up in front of the door, exchanging stares before they slowly open the door and entered.
Inside, they found him sitting on his bed, his back leaning on the bed's headboard while staring outside of the window.
"Hi." Kaownah's mother greeted him, and that made him to slowly turn his head at their direction.
He just stared at them. Of course, he didn't know who were they.
Sensing his confusion about their identity, Kaownah's father introduced themselves. "We were the ones who found you on the road. You got into an accident 5 days ago." He then pointed his son to introduce him. "He's our son Kaownah, he saw you on the road. And this is my wife." He said while pointing his wife.
Instead of a hi, hello, or thank you, the man remained silent but he gave them a wai. A thai gesture used to say hello and a sign of respect. With that gesture, Kaownah's family started whispering to each other.
"H-he can't speak?" His mother whispered to her husband.
"I-I don't know, maybe, because he didn't say anything."
"I can speak." The man butt in. And their mouth formed into an "O" when they heard him speak. "Thank you for saving me."
They looked at him with great empathy. He might be thankful to them that he was rescued, but his memories had vanished.
"We're 100% sure that you're aware that you have an amnesia, right?" Kaownah wanted to confirm it from the man in which he slowly nodded his head in return. "Then how can we help you go back to your family?"
"Family?" He repeated with a frown. "I'm not sure if I have one either. I really couldn't remember anything, even my name."
Kaownah glanced at his parents and they exchanged gazes then Kaownah offered something that even his parents were surprised. "My family and I doesn't live here in Rayong. We are from Surat Thani, quite far from here. We will be leaving tomorrow. If you want, you can come with us."
"Ahm..." His father cleared his throat and let out an awkward smile for both of them. "Please, give us a moment first to talk outside." He then dragged his son outside of the hospital room while his wife followed them.
"Wait, son, why did you ask him to come with us?" His father asked.
"Why? I don't see anything wrong with that."
"No no no, son, your dad and I didn't say that it's wrong. What we're pointing here is that we don't know him. We don't know where he is from? What is his background? Is he a criminal or not? or an ex-convict? You know..." His mother shrugged her shoulders after letting out her opinion.
He sighed and rolled his eyes. He knew that his parents were kind, funny, and understanding, but he didn't know that they were also paranoid. "So, tell me what are we going to do now? Leave him here?"
His parents weren't able to say anything. They just kept on glancing at each other as he crossed his arms and wait for their answer. It would be really cruel for them to leave a man with such an illness, his father thought.
Because they were the ones who were reponsible for the man at the very beginning, they agreed on bringing him to Surat Thani. After paying the hospital bills and his medicines, he was discharged from the hospital and they took him to their province.
Kaownah gave him a name, and they go on with the name New. Since he's a new member in their family, they came up with this name. When New heard his name, it made him frowned. The name New sounded so familiar to him, it was like he already heard this name a million times before. But the more New tried to figure it out, the more his head hurt so he just ignored it and go with the new name that was given to him.
Mew's mother came down to the living room, when an investigator and police officers who were handling on Mew's case came to their house a day before they started the funeral ceremony.
They were sitting on the couch, but stood up and did a wai when they saw Mew's mother approaching them.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Jongcheveevat." One police officer greeted.
Mew's mother wai back and cued them to sit down. "Good afternoon as well."
"We came here to report you about the information that we've gathered." The police officer said. "We already did a clearing operation to where the accident happened and found these around the area."
The other police officer placed a zip lock plastic bag on the table in front of them. Inside of the plastic were Mew's wallet and his phone. His mother was shocked to see Mew's stuff that were recovered by the officers and she has this little hope that Mew was still alive.
"We checked the wallet and unlocked the phone and from there, we concluded that these are from your son, Mew." The investigator spoke this time. "We tried to read through his Line app messages and phone messages to check if the accident were planned by someone or if he received death threats, but we found nothing. It's all clear."
"Well, that's impossible because my son never had an argument with someone." She said.
After the police officer showed Mew's wallet and phone, he then showed some pictures on the table this time."These are the photographs that we took from the accident scene. We apologized for discussing this with you now. Our team had a hard time travelling to and from Rayong with a terrible weather recently and we need to study everything before releasing our documentation."
"It's fine. Please continue."
"Yes Ma'am, thank you. As you can see..." The officer continued while pointing to the pictures. "Some parts of Mew's car were scattered on the road, just like the car's right side mirror, the head lights, and window glass."
"Because of these evidences, Mew's car didn't just fell off the cliff by itself. It crashed into another vehicle first, which smashed the right side of his car, then it turned, and fell. The cliff wasn't really that deep, so there's a possibility that Mew could climb back onto the main road. And that would only happen, if Mew was conscious and if he wasn't severly injured after his car fell off. But after investigating the whole area, we couldn't see any traces that Mew got out from the car before the explosion." The investigator explained.
Mew's mother let out a deep breath after letting all the information sank in her head. Her little hope for her son's survival from the accident vanished after the police officers and investigator explained her everything and even showed her some proofs. She had nothing to do, but to accept everything. Accept the reality that her son has completely left her.
"We'll continue working on this case Ma'am. We are still tracing the vehicle that collided with Mew's car. We will let you know if there are any progress with our investigation."
"I see. Thank you so much."
Kaownah's family owned a beach resort in Surat Thani which is why they are somehow rich. When New arrived at their house at Surat Thani after a long trip from Rayong, he was amazed at how big their house was. It was not really that big, but during their trip going to the province, he was thinking that they were just living in an apartment.
As soon as they got out of the car, one helper approached them and got the things that Kaownah's family brought from the trip.
"This is New, he will be living here from now on, so I want you to accompany him to his room." Kaownah's father gladly introduced him to the helper.
"It's okay dad, I can take him to his room by myself." Kaownah insisted.
"Hmm okay~ if you insist." His father agreed. "New, this will be your house now, so please don't be shy. If you need something, you can always ask us or our helper."
The helper smiled at New, he smiled back at the helper and to Kaownah's parents before he nodded his head.
"Okay then, Kaownah, my son please take him to his room, okay?" His mother said, entrusting New to him. "Your dad and I will take a rest, the long trip was really tiring."
"Yes mom, I will."
His parents left going to their room to take a rest after their 10 hour trip from Rayong. Then, Kaownah started introducing their house to New. First, he introduced their living room since they were there already. After the living room, Kaownah gently and excitedly dragged New around the house. He also brought New to their kitchen, dinning area, swimming pool area, the garden, and also Kaownah's mini studio. Kaownah loves dancing that's why he has a mini studio at home.
"You have a guitar?" New asked after spotting a guitar at Kaownah's dance studio.
"Yeah, why? You can play guitar?"
"I don't know, but I want to try."
Kaownah grabbed the guitar and without thinking twice, he handed it New. "I don't really use it since I'm more on dancing now." He chuckled. "You can bring that one to your room and try playing it."
"Okay, I will try." And he gladly took the guitar from Kaownah.
After moving around the house from here to there, they finally stopped at the last part of their house tour, New's room.
"And now, finally, we're here!" Kaownah exclaimed as they both stood up at New's door step. "This will be your room. If you need something, you can always call me. My room is just in front of you." He pointed to the room across New's room.
"Okay." New nodded his head repeatedly. "Thank you for taking me around the house, Kaownah. And... for letting me borrow your guitar. I should get inside now. I want to take a rest."
"O-oh, yes sure! You're welcome. You can take a rest now." He stuttered.
When New turned around and entered his room, Kaownah was left outside still standing in front of New's room with a small smile on his face. Kaownah wasn't sure about the feeling that he had that time when New mentioned his name. He didn't know that someone calling his name would make him feel happy. It was something new for him, but whatever it was, he liked that feeling.
Meanwhile, days after the funeral ceremony ended, Gulf was still the same. He was still devastated and it was getting worse. He quitted his job, he wouldn't eat, he imprisoned himself in his room and he kept on crying everyday while hugging Mew's picture. His parents were totally worried about him. They did everything already to make him eat, but Gulf was really stubborn. Not only his family were worried, but Mew's family as well.
It was getting dark already when Gulf heard consecutive knocks on his door, he didn't need to know who it was because he knew that it was his mother sending him food to eat.
The door swiftly swung open and Gulf's mother went inside while bringing his dinner. His mother cooked his favorite dish, stir fried crispy pork with basil.
When his mother entered the room, it was so dim. The lights were off, only a small nightstand light was brightening the room. And when she turned on the main lights, she saw her son sitting on his bed, holding Mew's picture frame and staring out of the window. It pains her. It pains her seeing her son like that, like his whole world stopped turning. And it was really true, when Mew was gone everything already stopped for Gulf. His life became meaningless already.
She took a deep breath and put on a smile on her face before she drew closer to her son's bed and place the food on an empty space of the bed. "Son, let's have your dinner."
"I'm okay, mom. I'm not hungry."
"But you haven't eaten anything since this morning. Then yesterday, you just got one bread."
"I... actually don't feel like eating." He said while still looking out of the window.
"I know, so I cooked your favorite dish. I know how much you love the stir fried crispy pork with basil."
His ears twitched after hearing his mom's statement, he then slowly turned his head and shifted his gaze on the food that his mother placed beside him. Tears slowly gathered on his eyes as his mind flashed memories of him and Mew cooking this dish. He could still clearly remember how Mew always made this dish for him because it was his favorite. Mew didn't like crispy pork, but still ate it for him.
He looked at his mom as his tears slowly escaped from his eyes and fell down on his cheek. "I suddenly remember... how Mew always cook this dish for me."
Reaching her hand up, she placed it on Gulf's cheek, wiping her son's tears and caressed his cheek. "I'm sorry for making you think of him by cooking this one."
He shook his head right away at his mother's statement. "No, it's not like that mom. I'm... actually thankful because you made it for me."
"Will you eat it? Even though it wasn't made by Mew?"
"Mom~" He whined and pouted a little afterwards. "Of course, I will."
He took the dish after saying it. He stared at it for a while before grabbing the spoon and took a bite. In his mind, he could see a picture of him and Mew cooking it. Then Mew fed him with the crispy pork and asked him if it tastes good or not, and then he nooded his head because it tastes better than what he expected. Those are some of their memories that he would never forget.
Breakfast were shared by Gulf's parents without him, he didn't have an appetite after what happened so his mother would always brought his meals in his room. But that day was different, Gulf arrived at the dinning area right after his mom served the last dish.
"Aww! Nong~" His sister, Grace, called him after appearing at the dinning area. "Good morning!"
His parents smiled at him and his father pulled a chair beside him for Gulf to sit on it. He obliged and sat beside his father.
"Gulf, is there something you want to eat?" His mother asked him with a smile on her face. She was thinking that Gulf maybe wanted to eat stir fried crispy pork again just like what she prepared the previous night.
"Yes, mom can cook it for you Nong." Her sister added.
He lightly shook his head. "It's okay, mom. I can eat these dishes that you've prepared."
"So, let's have our breakfast now. Enjoy your meals!" His father happily exclaimed. Happy that his son was finally trying to cope up with the pain that he's going through.
While they were happily having their breakfast, Gulf was slowly feeding himself while glancing at his family and when he found the right time to talk, he immediately called for his family's attention. "Uhm..."
"I'm going to the apartment today."
And with that, they all halted from eating their breakfast and focused their attention to Gulf who was slightly surprised towards their action. He just told them about going to the apartment, but it felt like the whole world stopped.
"I-I'm not going to stay there. I just need to get some of my things. Ever since it happened, I haven't went back there." He said, referring to the accident.
And that was true, ever since the night when Mew had an accident. He never went back to his apartment anymore. Not that he's scared or something, but his parents and Mew's parents didn't allow him. That place would only make him sad and that's why he moved back to his family's house.
"I... I can go there with Grace and get the things that you need." His mom suggested while her sister nodded her head to support her mother's suggestion.
"It's okay, mom. I will just go there by myself."
"Are you sure?" His father asked him.
"Yes dad." He nodded his head like a little child and his parents ended up allowing him to go to the apartment alone.
There were thousands of things running on Gulf's mind as he stood up in front of their apartment building. He was standing there for a few minutes already after his parents dropped him off. He thought that it would be fine to step on that place once again, but his chest started to feel tight. He was nervous and scared as well.
He started walking slowly going inside the building then took a lift going up, and when he arrived in front of their apartment, he stopped and took a deep breath. It took a while before Gulf reached his index finger and placed it on a fingerprint doorlock scanner to open the door of their apartment. There were only four fingerprints scanned on their doorlock, Gulf, Mew, and their moms.
Once it succesfully scanned his finger, the door suddenly unlocked. He held the door knob and twisted it, then he slowly pushed the door open. After not being able to comeback to their apartment for almost 3 weeks, Gulf felt odd to stand in their apartment again. It was once a happy place shared by him and Mew, but now it looks so quiet and empty.
He slowly walked towards the shelf where he saw a picture of him and Mew. It was the picture from a broken picture frame that was dropped on the night of Mew's accident. Staring at the picture, Gulf didn't notice that a tear fell down on his cheeks. He caressed Mew's face on the picture and he suddenly reminisced the night when he found out about what happened and he felt the pain once again. They promised to stay together for a long time, but that promise was broken when Mew was taken away from him.
How can he move on from the overwhelming pain that he's feeling? He pulled the picture into his chest, hugging it so tight as he started crying so hard. He slowly crouched down and sat on the floor leaning his back on the shelf while sobbing. He misses Mew so much that he wanted to follow him in the next life.
As he thought about that, he noticed a piece of broken glass at the corner of the shelf. He let his grief took over him as he slowly reached for that piece of broken glass while still hugging their photo. The broken glass was still sharp as a knife that he accidentally cut his finger as soon as he got it. But the cut was just nothing compare to the pain that he felt.
He glanced at their photo before he positioned the broken glass on his wrist. With shaky hands, Gulf held the sharp object properly. He was so ready to cut his wrist and end his life when the door suddenly opened. It was his mom.
Gulf's mother came back as she felt uneasy after dropping her son at his apartment with Mew. As Gulf's mother entered her son's apartment, she saw him sitting down on the floor, holding a picture of him and Mew, and a sharp piece of a broken glass pointing on his son's wrist.
"Gulf! No!" She rushed on her son's side, she crouched down and held her son's hand where he was holding the sharp glass. "Son... don't do this. Please..." She pleaded as she started to sob.
Gulf slowly shifted his gaze to his mom. "Mom..." He called then glanced on the sharp thing that he was holding. "Mom, I'm sorry."
His mother shook her head. She carefully removed the glass from Gulf's grip and placed it on the shelf, away from her son. She then pulled Gulf into a hug of comfort. She never really understand her son's grief, not until she saw him at this state.
After that incident, Gulf's mom brought her son to a psychiatrist. She wanted to seek help from a professional to understand her son's situation. She didn't want to see her son attempting to kill himself once again. She wanted to protect him as much as she can.
"People may experience grief or depression after a death of a loved one. Their are similarities and differences between grief and depression. For Gulf's case, he's experiencing grief. Depression focuses on one's self while grief focuses on the loss." According to the psychiarist who attended Gulf. "As I looked at Gulf, he focuses on the loss of his partner. He almost committed suicide not because he felt worthless or he wasn't able to cope up with the pain, but... he wanted to be reunited with his lover."
"How can this be treated?" Gulf's mother asked.
"Normally, depression is treated with medication. But grief, it is generally not treated with medication."
"So, how can I help my son?"
"Gulf needs an individual or group support from the people around him. You need to help him find ways in coping with his grief. But, we also have someone who specializes in grief. They have several treatment options including talk therapy."
After their conversation, they both looked out of the window and stared at Gulf who was left sitting at the waiting area like a soulless person.
Mew's mother found out about what happened to Gulf. She was totally terrified after hearing the incident at the apartment and she decided to visit Gulf at his family's house. Gulf's parents were at home except for Grace who's at her workplace.
She talked to Gulf's parents about the whole story of the incident and Gulf's findings after they visited a psychiatrist. She was totally hurt after knowing everything. She understood the pain that Gulf was bearing since her family was still mourning about Mew's death but they all tried to be strong.
She proceeded to Gulf's room after her conversation with the younger's parents was over. She was nervous, but she knocked on the door anyway. After a few seconds, she slowly creeked the door open and there she saw Gulf sitting on his bed while silently watching a football match on TV.
When Gulf noticed someone entering his room, he turned his attention to the person at his doorstep and saw Mew's mom flashing a small smile at him.
He turned the TV off before he greeted Mew's mother. "Good afternoon Mom."
"Good afternoon son." She replied and walked towards the younger. "How are you na?"
Gulf didn't know how to answer that question. He just smiled and looked down.
Mew's mom saw how Gulf turned silent after her question. "It's okay." She said almost in a whisper as she held both of Gulf's hands. "You can tell me, I will listen."
"It's..." Tears flooded his eyes once again. "It's really painful."
"I know, I know. But it's okay." She said softly.
She let go of Gulf's hands for a while and grabbed something inside her bag. She pulled out a plastic with a wallet and a phone inside and placed them on Gulf's bed. Just only one look of it, Gulf knew who was the owner of those things and he looked at Mew's mom in confusion.
"I know that you know who is the owner of this wallet and phone." She said. "These are from my son."
"H-how did you get these mom?"
"The day before the funeral, the police came at my house and told me everything about their reports from the accident."
She took a deep breath before she continued. "They couldn't find any traces that Mew survived from the explosion, they found these two instead. I apologized for not telling you about this right away. I don't want to add the pain that you're feeling at that time. But I know that you have the right to know about this that's why I'm telling you."
"Nothing can hurt me more than I already am now, Mom. So it's okay." He said, reassuring Mew's mother.
She held both of Gulf's hands once again and looked at him in the eyes. "I am always thankful to you for loving my son unconditionally. But please, don't hurt yourself. Mew won't be happy as well if he's just here. He took good care of you that he didn't want you to hurt yourself."
"I'm sorry mom." Gulf apologized. He knew that a lot of people were worried about him after what he did at the apartment. His grief took over him that time. "I just don't know what to do. I can't forget him."
Mew's mom shook her head, she placed her hand on Gulf's cheek and caressed it. "Getting over grief... it doesn't mean that you need to forget Mew. You don't have to forget him. Losing someone that we loved, it doesn’t mean that our life is over. But it does mean things will be different. Just different without them. Gulf, we will help you. Let's help each other move forward while keeping him in our memory."
Gulf felt better after talking to Mew's mom. Mew was really good at talking and so his mom. He felt like he was talking to Mew. When Mew's mother left, she also left the phone and wallet to Gulf.
He opened the zip lock plastic and got Mew's wallet. He opened it and saw their photo together. After checking the wallet, he put it back inside the plastic and pulled out the phone this time. He didn't know Mew's passcode but he could still access his boyfriend's phone by scanning his face.
After unlocking Mew's phone, he went on Line app messages and saw their conversation before the accident happened. After scanning through the messages he went to the gallery then something caught his attention. It was a video of Mew playing a piano that he hasn't seen before. The video was taken at Mew's family house.
He clicked on it and watched it. On the video, Mew was setting the camera before he sat down in front of the piano. He let out a deep breath and smiled at the camera before he started pressing the keys on the piano.
After a few seconds, Mew started singing. It was a song that Gulf never heard before, he listened attentively to the lyrics. He smiled watching Mew singing while playing the piano. After he finished singing, Mew grabbed the camera and focused his face in front of the camera.
"Bii... How was it? I made that song for you. It's called "How Lucky Am I to Have You". It's not really that good, right? So I'm going to revised it first." Mew chuckled on the video. "I'm going to end this video na, Bii."
He was thankful to Mew's mom who left him Mew's phone and let him see the video. As he ended the video, instead of crying, Gulf found himself smiling. Then, he decided trying to cope up the grief with the help of the people around him and Mew's happy memories with him.