Actions

Work Header

The Westerosi Race

Chapter Text

 

 

[Camera does a sweeping shot of the landscape, coming down to zoom in on host Petyr Baelish. He has a smarmy grin on his face and is standing with 16 people standing side by side in a line behind him.]

Petyr - Hello Westeros, and welcome to the tenth season of The Westerosi Race! The show where teams of two race around the world for a chance to win one million dollars! I’m here in the beautiful Norvosi Stone Amphitheater deep in the mountains of Norvos. Once used as a battleground for warriors to compete, it is now the starting point for this season of The Westerosi Race! Behind me are the teams for this year’s competition. Let’s meet them, shall we?

[Camera scans a wide shot along the line of contestants, coming to land on the first team, a shockingly beautiful man and a woman] 

Petyr voiceover - First, we meet Cersei and Jaime, twins from Casterly Rock!

[Cut to their talking head. Jaime is affable and charming while Cersei has a snide smile.] 

Jaime, laughing - Yes, we are a bit used to living a pampered life, that’s true. But we came here to compete. If that means we need to sleep on the ground and rough it with the rest of them, we will. Right, Cersei?

[Camera cuts to Cersei, who grimaces.]

Petyr voiceover - Next up, we have sorority sisters Sansa and Margaery from Winterfell!

[Camera cuts to their talking head. Sansa and Margaery are young and beautiful.] 

Sansa, shaking her head - No, I don’t think we’re necessarily spoiled. We do both still live with our parents but that’s just because I help take care of my younger siblings. One of them is in a wheelchair, so. It takes a village! 

Margaery, nodding - Yes, exactly. I mean, we could go out and get jobs but we would just rather focus on what’s important. Like working on our tans. 

Sansa, nods at first, then looks over at Margaery, eyes wide - Marg, no. [She looks back towards the interviewer] That’s not.. She didn’t mean that. 

[Both girls smile warmly at the camera.]

Petyr voiceover - Well those girls seem just lovely. Now let’s meet our third team, cousins Ygritte and Tormund from North of the Wall! 

[Camera cuts to their talking head, both have numerous scars. Ygritte is more serious while Tormund is laughing jovially. Tormund is tall and very muscular, Ygritte is also muscular but more lean.] 

Tormund, laughing - No, we aren’t afraid of sleeping on the ground. My gods, what kind of question is that?

[He continues laughing while Camera cuts to Ygritte, who is trying to hide a grin and shaking her head.]

Petyr voiceover - Our fourth team is a rather interesting duo, a life coach and spiritual advisor from Braavos, Jaqen and Melisandre!

[Camera cuts to their talking head. Melisandre has an intense look on her face while Jaqen has his head turned towards her, focusing closely.]

Melisandre - We view this journey as a path of growth. If we allow it to consume us, we will prosper. If we fight it, the darkness will devour us alive. 

Jaqen, turning forward, nodding once. - Yes.

Petyr voiceover, laughing nervously - Ok.. Anyways. [clears throat] Our next team is a happy pair - father and son, Davos and Gendry from Dragonstone!

[Camera cuts to their talking head. Davos is smiling, clapping Gendry on the back. Both seem happy.]

Davos - Yes well, he looks just like me, doesn’t he? [laughs] No, my wife and I adopted Gendry when he was just a young babe. He’s been such a welcome addition - really made our house into a home. I couldn’t be more proud. 

[They share a look, both smiling. Gendry looks towards the interviewer again.]

Gendry - Yeah, my parents have always been great. I’ve just graduated from college and I’ve missed them so much, so I’m really excited to spend this time with my dad, one on one. 

Petyr voiceover - Well, isn’t that nice? Let’s meet our next team, Tyene and Sarella Sand, sisters from Dorne! 

[Camera cuts to their talking head. Sarella is slightly older, although both are young, beautiful and not smiling. Tyene is shorter than Sarella.]

Tyene - We will kill any competitors who stand in our way. 

Interviewer off-camera, nervous - Uhh.. girls. It’s not really that kind of show. 

Tyene - We are not ‘girls’. Come here, I will show you.

[She stands, hand going behind her back as the camera cuts to black.] 

[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is smiling tensely.] 

Petyr, clearing his throat as he looks down at his notes - Uhh… ok. Well, that was fun. Next up, we have.. Ah! Two carpenters and business partners from Ashemark, Sandor and Bronn. 

[Camera cuts to their talking head. Sandor is very muscular and very tall. His arms are crossed against his chest, his face stern. He has a large burn scar on the right side of his face. Bronn is relaxed and smiling.]

Sandor - Yes, I was burned at a young age. No, I’m not going to talk about it, so fuck off. 

Bronn, winces - Yeah, you don’t want to ask about that. He’s a real asshole about it. 

Sandor, rolling his eyes - Well, what kind of person just asks them about their fucking burns on their face?

Bronn, considering - That’s true. [Looks at interviewer] That’s a fucking cunt thing to do.

Petyr voiceover - Ok, great! That’s great. [clears throat] Our eighth team comes to us from the island of Tarth, Brienne and her apprentice, Podrick! 

[Camera cuts to their talking head. Brienne is tall and muscular with short blonde hair, not smiling. Podrick is smiling and appears friendly.]

Brienne - I think it’s important for young girls to see they can do just as much as any boy can. That’s why I’m here.  [Podrick nods in agreement.]

[Interviewer, off screen] - Do you think it negates the message because you have a male as a partner? What if people say he carried you the entire competition?

Brienne, laughing - Do you think he can pick me up?

Podrick, shaking his head and laughing - I can 100% guarantee you she will carry me at some point during this. 

[Brienne smiles at him, then looks back at the interviewer, pleased.]

[Camera cuts to a shot of Petyr, standing in front of the teams.]

Petyr - Our ninth and final team consists of our winners from our online pole. You voted, Westeros, and here are your winners, meet brother and sister, Jon and Arya! 

[Camera pans over to the left as two people run into the frame. One is a man, curly black hair pulled back, handsome. The other is a shorter girl, lean and muscular. They both come to stand at his side. Over Petyr’s shoulder, Sansa’s face is shocked.] 

Petyr - Now, you two were chosen in our online poll. How does that make you feel, knowing that all of Westeros has chosen you two specifically to run this race?

[Camera cuts to Arya and Jon. Arya is smirking, looking up at Jon, who looks uncomfortable.]

Jon - Uhh.. actually it’s a lot of pressure. [He scratches the back of his neck] Arya is the one who submitted us so.. I’m just here to support her, I guess. 

Arya, still smirking - Yeah, we’re here to fuck this competition up!  [Jon closes his eyes and sighs] 

[Camera cuts to a shot of just Petyr.] 

Petyr - Well, I wish you luck with that, Arya and Jon! So, here they are, your final nine teams for this season of The Westerosi Race!

[Camera pans back on a crane, showing everyone in the shot.] 

 

- - - 

 

“Ok, cut! Everyone take three while we move the lights!” As soon as the production assistant yelled out, Sansa marched over to where Arya and Jon were standing, fuming. 

Arya!” She practically hissed her sister’s name. “What are you guys even doing here?!” 

Arya stepped towards her, leaving Jon where he was, looking sheepish. 

“Sansa! So funny seeing you here!” Arya grinned, coming in for a hug but Sansa shoved her sister’s arms away. 

“Don’t Arya! That’s not even funny! Why can’t you let me have just one cathartic experience for once in my life?!” She practically stomped her foot.

Arya shrugged a shoulder. “I dunno. You told us you’d been picked and it seemed fun. Plus, now there’s a chance someone from the family could actually win.” She smirked, gesturing to herself. 

Sansa scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest. “Oh please, I’m totally going to win. Have you seen the rest of the teams? Margaery and I are by far the best looking ones here. People will be falling over themselves to help us.” She smiled smugly. 

Arya made an exaggerated gagging noise, sticking her finger into her open mouth, rolling her eyes. “I can’t wait for the day you find out the world doesn’t think the sun shines out of your ass, Sansa.”  

Places, everyone!”

 

- - - 

 

[Camera shot shows Petyr standing and addressing the teams.] 

Petyr - Now, you all have been selected to travel around the world with no idea where you’re going or what tasks you’ll have to accomplish once you get there. Your flights are paid for, but you will be given a stipend each leg that will cover the cost of taxis, food, and any other tickets you might need - if you manage your money wisely.

[Camera pans over the group. Most contestants look at their partners, nodding, excited.] 

Petyr voiceover - But there was one more thing we didn’t tell you about this season. To celebrate The Westerosi Race’s tenth year, we decided it was time we mixed things up - literally. 

[Contestants now look confused, a few look resigned. Camera turns back to Petyr.] 

Petyr - This year all of the teammates have been randomly assigned to new partners! 

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr furrows his brows and looks over to the producer. “This shit isn’t really random, right?” Varys looks down at his clipboard before glancing back up, shaking his head no.]]

[Camera pans over the group slowly. Most team members look shocked. Gendry and Davos look devastated. Sandor and the Sand Sisters are livid. Bronn and Tormund are laughing.]

Petyr - Now, when you hear your name, please step forward and join your new partner. First up - Gendry! 

[Camera pans to Gendry, who looks over at his dad and sighs.]

Petyr voiceover - Please go and stand next to your new partner… Podrick! 

[Gendry hugs his dad, giving him a final head nod before walking over to stand next to Podrick. The two shake hands.  The camera shot zooms out to show Brienne as well as the two men. She looks bereft.]

Petyr voiceover - Next up, Brienne, will you please go stand next to your new teammate… Tormund! 

[Brienne scans the crowd and grimaces, reluctantly walking towards Tormund. The camera swivels around to show Tormund waving gleefully.] 

Petyr voiceover - Now, Ygritte, since your old partner is now paired up, please go and stand next to your new partner…. Jon! 

[Camera pans over to Jon. His eyes are wide as he quickly looks away from Ygritte. She walks over to stand with him, an amused smile on her face. Jon’s eyes are still wide. He doesn’t look at her.]

Petyr voiceover - That’s great! Jon looks very comfortable with this change! Now, Arya, can you please go and join your new teammate, Tyene! 

[Camera cuts to Arya as she looks over to Tyene. They both size each other up as Arya approaches. Tyene sniffs and crosses her arms. Arya scoffs and rolls her eyes, standing next to her.] 

Petyr voiceover - And now, Tyene’s old partner, Sarella, can come join her new teammate….Jaime! 

[Camera cuts to Sarella as she eyes Jaime up and down. She raises an eyebrow and smirks, walking over to stand next to him. He nods in greeting, giving a polite smile with his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes cut over to look at Cersei. She is seething.]

Petyr voiceover - Cersei! Will you please go join your new partner… Jaqen! 

[Cersei glares at Jaime as she stomps over to Jaqen. He tries to hug her in greeting but she puts her hand in the middle of his chest and shoves him backwards. He stumbles but recovers, coming to stand next to her with narrowed eyes.]

Petyr - That would make Melisandre up next. Will you please go stand next to your new partner… Davos! 

[Melisandre gracefully moves to stand next to Davos. He looks at her briefly before turning to face Petyr, his face wary.]

[[Director’s Cut Outtakes - Petyr looks down at his notes and sighs, turning to look at Varys. “Really? You couldn’t make the teams swap go in a nice smooth circle?” There’s mumbling from off-camera. “No, I know you want those four particular people together but now I just look like an idiot.” More mumbling off camera. “Oh, fuck off, Varys.” He turns back to camera and smiles.]]

Petyr - Now, since Davos’ old teammate Gendry is already with his new partner, that leaves our last two teams, The Sorority Sisters and The Carpenters.

[Camera cuts to show the four remaining contestants. Bronn nudges Sandor with his elbow and waves at the girls. Sandor crosses his arms, his jaw tight as he looks at the ground. Margaery giggles and waves back to Bronn. Sansa’s eyes are shut tight and her lips are moving slightly, as if in prayer.] 

Petyr voiceover - Now, Margaery, you beautiful flower, will you please go and stand next to your new teammate… Bronn!  

[Margaery sighs in relief, looking over at Sansa. She mouths ‘sorry’ and turns to walk happily over to stand with her new partner. Bronn winks at her and she blushes, pleased.

Sandor rolls his eyes at Bronn and looks over at Sansa. His jaw clenches and he looks forward again, shaking his head. Sansa’s shoulder slump and she sighs.]

Petyr voiceover- That leaves us with the lovely Sansa. Sansa, will you please go stand next to your new partner, Sandor! 

[Sansa sighs again and walks over to Sandor glumly. She passes Petyr and he tries to give her a hug. She grimaces and shifts out of the way, coming to stand next to Sandor. She looks up at him warily but he doesn’t look at her. His face is blank.]

[Camera cuts to a group shot. Petyr is addressing the new 9 teams.] 

Petyr - And there you have it! These will be your new teams for the entirety of the race! What do we think, teams?

[Camera pans down the line of contestants. Gendry and Podrick look at each other and shrug, nodding in approval. Brienne grimaces again as Tormund smiles at her brightly. Jaime shifts on his feet, smiling politely at Sarella. She winks at him and smiles. Cersei watches Jaime and bristles. Jaqen is staring at her, glaring slightly, but she doesn’t see him. Melisandre gives a serene smile to Davos and he nods his head politely at her, uncomfortable. Margaery smiles openly at Bronn as his chest puffs out. He looks off camera and nods appreciatively, giving a thumbs up to someone. Sansa looks up at Sandor hesitantly, but he just looks at Petyr, jaw clenched tight.]

[Camera cuts back to Petyr. He is addressing the camera now, the teams behind him in a line shoulder to shoulder. ] 

Petyr - Our teams are now ready to begin! For each leg of the race, they’ll travel to a new country together, racing to be the first team to meet me on the coveted Westerosi Mat, the last of which will be eliminated. There will be Detours, Roadblocks, and other challenges that they’ll have to navigate together, both physically challenging and mentally taxing. They will be given clues, or Route Information to help them and there will be flags, or Route Markers to guide them where they need to go. But how well will our teams adjust now that they’re paired with virtual strangers? Will there be tension amongst the teams that will tear them apart? Can they learn to put aside their differences and work together to win the cash prize? It’s time to find out as we begin The Westerosi Race!

[Camera shot zooms out as Petyr turns back to face the teams.] 

Petyr - Now, teams. Your first Route Information is up these stairs, on top of the bags that you brought to carry with you for the duration of the race. On my mark, go and read your clue together and select one of the marked cars we have here for you. What you do after that, is completely up to you. Are you ready?

[Camera pans over the group, most turn to face the stairs, nodding to their partners.]

Petyr voiceover - The world is waiting for you. Travel safe, and good luck. On your mark, get set… GO!

 

- - - 

 

 

Sansa sat in the uncomfortable plane seat, Sandor next to her taking up the armrest. He hadn’t spoken a word to her, just running up the stairs once Petyr told them to begin. He held the Route Information up too high so she couldn’t even see it and then jumped into the car, barely waiting for her to close her door before speeding off. He navigated his way to the airport fairly well, she admitted reluctantly, and even managed to find them two tickets for the flight to their first country, The Westerlands. 

She sighed again, shifting in her seat. 

“Are you going to twitch and squirm the entire flight?” His eyes were closed, head resting against the back of his seat, hands folded over his stomach. He hadn’t moved since the airplane took off. 

She scoffed, looking up at him. “Oh, so you do speak.” 

He only hummed at that. 

She shifted again, trying to figure out how to stretch her legs out. It’s like these seats were made to torture people. 

“Will you sit fucking still?” He opened his eyes and looked down at her, scowling. 

She scoffed again. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m trying to get comfortable. It might be easier if my partner would share the armrest but considering he seems to despise the very air I breathe, I think you’ll have to just deal with me squirming.” She shifted again in her seat, just to make a point.

He breathed in and out deeply through his nose but didn’t move his arm. He closed his eyes again, laying his head back where it was. 

She rolled her eyes. “You know, you’d think you’d be grateful to have me as your partner.”

He scoffed at that, raising his head up to look at her again. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

She looked at him, confusion on her face. “Umm.. have you looked at me?” She gestured to her body. “Yeah, you really could have it much worse.” She leaned back in her chair, rolling her eyes and looking out the window. 

He barked a laugh at that. “You think I give a shit if you’re pretty? I was supposed to run this race with Bronn. We were going to slaughter the rest of you fuckers and win that money. What can you do to help just by being pretty?” He turned towards her slightly, furrowing his brows. “Why are you even doing this? Daddy’s credit card not enough for you?” 

“Hey!” She turned to him, poking his arm with her finger. “I’ll have you know, my own name is on my credit card.” 

He looked at her skeptically. “Right, and who pays it?” 

She dropped her hand down into her lap, uncertain. “Well.. my dad does currently.” 

He laughed again. She scowled, poking him in the arm again. “That’s only because I’m busy with classes and taking care of my little brothers!” 

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I heard your chirping to the cameras, I know all about your sad backstory. Unlike you, I actually do have a need for this money and now, instead of an easy win, I have to run this race with a fucking prissy princess who thinks the world owes her a thank you just for looking at her.

She reeled back, offended. “Hey! It’s not just some sad story. It’s true, I really do help with my brothers. I mentioned it once to the producers and they… they suggested I mention it when I do my intro. They said it would look good with our ‘Sorority Girls’ persona.”

Sandor rolled his eyes, muttering fucking producers.

Sansa huffed. “Also, I am not a princess! And even if I was, I would rather be a princess than some big ugly brute of a man.”

He scoffed. “Oh no, someone is making a mean comment about my scars, I’m so offended.” He raised his hands up and shook them in fake fanfare.

She looked at him, confused. “What? I don’t care about your face, I’m talking about your ugly personality.” She poked him in the chest and he batted her hand away, looking down at her with a frown. “You’ve done nothing but ignore me, not even letting me read the clues with you - just barging ahead and trusting that I’ll follow. And now, even when you do talk to me, you’re rude and being a giant.. butthole!”

He laughed at that, taken off guard. “A giant butthole? Are you in the second grade?”

She smiled unkindly. “No, I just think it’s crude to curse.”

He rolled his eyes, muttering fucking princess while he sat back in his chair, closing his eyes again. 

She scowled at him. “Look, I get that you don’t like me, and I obviously don’t like you, but we’re stuck together so let’s just… at least hold the clues down so I can read them, too. Ok?”

He breathed in deeply through his nose, sighing it out. He took a few minutes but finally answered her. 

“Fine.” 

 

- - -

[Camera shot zooms in on the airplane door as it opens. Teams spring out from the exit, all hurrying as a massive group down the jetway with massive backpacks on their backs. Camera follows them down the jetway, where a clue box is waiting with a red and yellow stand. Teams all reach for it, many hands grabbing and opening the top of the box. The camera follows Sandor as he gets one and jogs into the airport before stopping to open the envelope. Sansa comes up to his side, breathing heavily. She elbows him and Sandor rolls his eyes, lowering his hands.]

Sansa, panting still - Make your way by taxi to the town of Crakehall. Once there, look for Joyeuse Erenford. She will hand you your next clue. 

[Camera widens the shot as Sandor and Sansa run out of the airport. The other teams make their way outside. Davos and Melisandre are last.]

Melisandre, calmly, - No, I don’t run. Ever. Running is like challenging my God. It says you don’t trust Him to provide for you. Once we get outside, there will be a taxi waiting for us. 

[Davos looks to the cameraman, bewildered.] 

[Camera cuts to outside the airport. The only teams left behind are Davos/Melisandre and Cersei/Jaqen. Cersei is smoking a cigarette. She takes one last drag and throws it down angrily, crushing it with her foot.]

Cersei, facing Davos - Mine won’t run, will yours? [She gestures first to Jaqen, then Melisandre]

[Davos sighs and shakes his head no. He looks over at Cersei, confused. He gestures to her crushed cigarette on the ground] 

Davos - How did you get a lighter on the plane with you?

[Cersei scoffs and rolls her eyes. They all stand shoulder to shoulder on the curb as the Camera zooms out to show there are no taxis.]

[Camera cuts to inside a taxi with Margaery and Bronn]

Margaery - This is all just so exciting! Bronn here [she wraps her arm around his] He’s just the greatest. He got us this taxi right out of the gate! 

Bronn, nonchalantly - Well, you know, it’s all in the wrist. [he raises his hands up and makes a beckoning gesture.] 

[Camera cuts to the driver, who shakes his head no. The driver then gestures to Margaery. The camera pans to show she is looking at Bronn and smiling as he says something. Camera cuts back to the driver as he cups his hands under his chest and makes a squeezing gesture. The driver winks at the camera.]

[Camera shows an exterior shot of a taxi stopping along a cobblestone street, surrounded by shops. It is a small, quaint town. Sandor exits the taxi, putting his bag on his back as Sansa exits behind him. She looks around while putting her bag on.]

Sandor - Come on, this way.  [He moves to go down the street confidently.]

Sansa, hesitantly - Wait, how do you know?

Sandor, still walking - Probably because I’m from the Westerlands? Joyeuse’s shop is this way.  [He points to a building]

[Sansa runs to catch up to him] 

Sansa - Well, you could’ve just said you were from this area. 

Sandor - Yeah, cause there was really time for us to share our childhoods with each other. 

Sansa, confused - We literally sat on a plane in silence for like 6 hours next to each other! 

[They enter a building. Sandor nods to the shopkeeper. She is an older woman with a red and yellow scarf tied around her head. She nods back and hands Sandor a yellow clue envelope. Sansa moves to open it but Sandor shakes his head no.]

Sansa - What do you mean, no? We need to see what to do next! 

Sandor, shaking his head again - No, we need to move from this shop. Other teams are starting to arrive, they’ll see us in here and know where her store is. 

[Camera pans to the window, zooming in on a taxi stopped in the road. Gendry and Podrick get out and go to the trunk to retrieve their bags. They look around at all the shops. Camera goes back to Sandor, who is looking through the window.]

Sandor - Fuck. Where is Bronn? I thought he would remember this place. 

[Sandor walks back to Joyeuse. Sansa follows behind him.]

Sandor - Back door? [Joyeuse nods and waves them to the door. Sandor nods and goes out the door. Sansa follows him. They are now in an empty dirt parking lot behind a row of buildings. Sandor pulls open the yellow envelope to reveal a red envelope inside.]

Sansa - It’s a Roadblock! 

 

[Camera cuts to Petyr standing in an empty field.]

Petyr - A Roadblock is a task that only one team member can perform. Teams will read a single phrase which will give them a hint as to what the challenge could be. Then teams must select the teammate who will perform the task. Once that team member is chosen, it cannot be taken back.

[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor]

Sansa, reading - ‘Which one of ewe can ring my bell?’ Ew, it’s sheep? 

[Sandor looks at Sansa questioningly]

Sansa - What, they stink. [She wrinkles her nose. Sandor rolls his eyes.]

Sandor, speaking to the camera - I’ll do it. 

[Camera cuts to Petyr walking in front of a field of sheep.] 

 

 

Petyr - For this task, team members must search through these sheep to try and find one with a bell around their neck [He holds up a small bell, about an inch long] Once they find it, they must hand it to the farmer to receive their next clue. This task isn’t necessarily physically demanding, but trying to catch a sheep can be difficult, and keeping track of which sheep you’ve checked can be hard to do. There are only 9 sheep out of this entire field that have bells, so if a team member gets confused…. It could take ewe some time. 

[[Director's cut Outtakes - Petyr screams as the camera shot widens to show a sheep has come up to his side. The sheep is calmly eating the grass near Petyr's feet. Petyr looks off-camera, his face is panicked. "What do I do? Is it savage?" He looks down at the sheep. The sheep looks up at him, chewing. Petyr grimaces. "Oh gods, don't touch me. You smell terrible."]]

[Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa.]

Sandor - Ok, I know the place. Let’s go. 

[Camera cuts to a montage of the other teams. Podrick and Gendry have located the shop. Ygritte, Jon, Brienne and Tormund have all arrived on the correct street. Tormund is trying to carry Brienne’s bag for her, but she resists. Arya and Tyene are laying on the roof of one of the shops, watching the teams below. Sarella and Jaime are in a cab, lost. Sarella is yelling furiously at the driver. Jaime looks scared but also into it. Margaery and Bronn are also in a taxi. The driver keeps looking in the rearview mirror, smiling and circling the block. Davos is in a cab in front of the airport, begging Melisandre to get inside. She refuses, pointing to an idol of the old gods in the windshield. Jaqen is standing next to her, nodding in agreement. Cersei is back inside the airport, sitting down at the airport bar, throwing back a drink. She turns around to glance out at the contestants on the sidewalk, then turns back to the bar and orders another drink.] 

[Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa, who have arrived at the correct field. Sansa offers to take Sandor’s bag for him. He smirks as he hands it to her. Her eyes go wide as the bag immediately falls to the ground with her on top of it. He laughs as he turns towards the field of sheep. He steps through the gate and begins to crouch down, searching through the sheep for one with a bell. He steps easily around them and they don’t run from him. Sansa is standing at the fence, watching Sandor. She grimaces and pulls her shirt up to cover her nose.]

Sansa, loudly, through her shirt - Are you like a sheep whisperer or something?

[The sheep run, startled. They are now all mixed up. Sandor glares at Sansa. She lowers her shirt briefly to mouth ‘sorry’. She remains quiet. Sandor resumes looking through the sheep as Gendry and Podrick approach. Sansa waves to them politely as Gendry walks through the gate and begins to search through the sheep. He also moves easily. Sandor stands suddenly and makes his way back to Sansa. Ygritte and Jon arrive at the field. Tormund and Brienne are close behind. Sandor exits the gate as Ygritte passes him, entering.] 

Sandor, quietly - Let’s go.  

[Sansa lowers her shirt, smiling]

Sansa, loudly - You got it? Yay!! [She bounces on the balls of her feet happily]

[The sheep run again. Gendry glares at Sansa. She mouths ‘sorry’. Sandor turns back to face the field.]

Sandor, loudly - YES I DID! 

Gendry, frustrated - Oh, come on!

[Sandor laughs as the sheep run again. Gendry angrily throws his hands in the air and Ygritte glares at Sandor. Sansa laughs at Sandor, surprised. Sandor grabs his bag and they run over to the farmer. The farmer nods at them and takes the bell from Sandor and hands them their next clue. Sandor opens the envelope and holds it down for Sansa to read.]

Sansa - It’s a Detour! 

[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is walking across a stone bridge in the countryside.]

Petyr - A Detour presents a team with a decision between two tasks. For this Detour, teams must choose between ‘Cut the Rug’ or ‘Cut the Cheese’. In ‘Cut the Rug’, teams must both learn a dance from the natives of this village. 

[Camera cuts to Villagers laughing and performing a dance on a stage outside. Men and women dance together in a circle, moving their feet rapidly and spinning. It looks very complicated.]

Petyr voiceover - This task is difficult and team members will only receive their next clue if they perform well enough for the local dance master. If teams have little to no coordination….they could spin out of this competition. 

[Camera cuts to shot of giant cheese wheels on shelving inside a cheese shed.]

Petyr voiceover - In ‘Cut the Cheese’, teams must help this dairy farmer by carrying wheels of cheese from this cheese shed down a steep hill. Each wheel weighs 50 lbs and teams will only get their next clue from the farmer when they’ve carried down 4 of them. This task is physically demanding but also straightforward. Teams with the brute strength…..can wheel themselves ahead of the pack. 

[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor]

Sansa - Ooh, dancing! That sounds so fun! 

Sandor, rolling his eyes - We’re doing ‘Cut the Cheese’. [He stuffs the papers back in the envelope and begins to move towards the street.]

Sansa, scoffing - Hey! You can’t just decide what we’re going to do!  [She grabs his sleeve.] Stop walking in front of me all the time! We’re supposed to be equal partners!

[Sandor turns to her, annoyed] 

Sandor, tersely - Why would we do the dance when I can just carry all the cheese and get it done fast? Don’t you want to get in first this leg? [He turns back towards the street and looks up and down for a taxi. Sansa is standing next to him. She is glaring at him with her hands on her hips.]

Sansa - This isn’t ‘Sandor’s Amazing Westerosi Race’! We need to talk about things as a team. I am just as valuable a team member as you are, Sandor! 

[Sandor huffs a laugh as he spots a taxi driving slowly on the opposite side of the street. He walks towards it and signals to the driver. The driver stops and rolls down his window as Sandor leans down to tell the driver where they need to go. The driver nods his head, and Sandor opens the back door. He gestures for Sansa to get inside.]

Sandor - Your chariot awaits, Princess. 

[Sansa stands on the curb with her arms crossed against her chest. She doesn’t move. Sandor sighs and rolls his eyes.]

Sandor - The faster we win this leg, the faster you can shower off the sheep smell.

[Sansa’s face brightens as she uncrosses her arms and gets into the back of the car quickly. Sandor shakes his head as he climbs in after her, closing the door. The taxi pulls away as the Camera pans back over to the sheep field. Gendry and Ygritte are still looking. They are now joined by Tormund, Bronn, and Sarella. Davos is shown running up to the field. Melisandre is walking calmly very far behind him. Gendry stands up abruptly, holding a bell up in his hand for Podrick to see. Podrick pumps his fist in the air as Gendry makes his way over to the farmer, only to be cut off by Arya. She hands a bell to the farmer, who nods and hands her an envelope. Gendry stares at Arya, bewildered.]

Gendry - When did you even get here? [Arya smirks and walks over to Tyene, who is holding both their bags by the fence.] 

Gendry - Where did she come from? What is happening? [He looks over to Podrick for answers. Podrick shrugs, just as confused. The camera pans back to where Arya and Tyene were standing, but they’re gone.] 

[Camera cuts back to the airport bar. Cersei is more relaxed than the last time we saw her. She slings a shot back as Jaqen sits next to her, looking at her with disdain. She orders two shots, sliding one in front of Jaqen when they arrive. Jaqen doesn’t touch it, leaning over to smell it instead. He coughs and gags. Cersei laughs as she downs another shot.]

[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa. They’ve arrived at the dairy farm. They both put their bags down and walk over to a pile of wooden structures. Sandor picks one up and begins to put it on. Sansa holds one up. It looks like a folding chair with straps. Sansa looks at it confused and Sandor turns to help her put it on. It fits on their back like a backpack and Sansa now understands that it will hold the cheese wheels.]

Sansa, gratefully - Oh, thank you. I never would’ve figured that out.  

[Sandor only hums as he turns to walk up the hill. The hill is extremely steep. He slips on the leaves and mud a couple of times, righting himself quickly and progressing steadily up the hill. He is huffing as he reaches the top. He turns around to look for Sansa and jolts when she is right next to him, huffing and breathing heavily. He stares at her, confused.]

Sansa - What? I do yoga. [She walks towards the shed that houses the cheese wheels, leaving Sandor behind to stare at her.]

Sansa, greeting the cheese attendant - Hi! One please! 

[She turns around so the attendant can load a wheel onto the wooden support. Sandor has caught up now. He shakes his head, turning around.]

Sandor - No, put all 4 on mine. It’ll be faster. 

Sansa, scoffing - Sandor. I can carry at least one. You can’t carry two hundred pounds at once! 

[He looks over at her, raising an eyebrow skeptically. She rolls her eyes.]

Cheese attendant, weakly - Sir, four wheels won’t fit. The carrier is only made for two. 

[Sandor makes a frustrated noise, gesturing for the attendant to load his carrier up, which he does efficiently. Sandor turns to face the attendant with his arms out.]

Sandor - Here, load up the other two in my arms. 

Sansa, scoffing - Sandor! Honestly, I can help you! 

[The attendant tries to load two wheels on Sandor’s arms. They try multiple configurations but they’re too big. Sandor sighs in frustration as he holds one cheese wheel. He looks over at Sansa. She is standing with her hands on her hips, a sardonic look on her face. Sandor sighs and nods to the attendant. Sansa smiles, turning around. The attendant puts the last wheel on Sansa’s back. Her eyes widen at the weight but she stays standing. Sandor nods and turns to exit the shed. Sansa follows.] 

Sandor - Just go slowly. If you fall and it drops out of the carrier, it’ll roll down the hill to fuckall knows where. 

Sansa, breath struggling - Sandor, I think I know how to walk down a hill. [She stumbles slightly. Sandor looks over and glares. She smiles weakly.]

Sandor, annoyed - Just step where I step. [Sansa nods, following behind him]

[Camera shot pans down to the bottom of the hill. Gendry and Podrick have their wooden structures on and are climbing up the hill. They both stumble a few times but otherwise progress steadily. Tormund and Brienne have arrived, Tormund is trying to help Brienne put her structure on. She shoves his hands away, frustrated. The Camera pans up to the cheese shed at the top of the hill. Arya and Tyene both are getting cheese wheels loaded up onto their support structures, although only one each. The camera zooms out to show the entirety of the hill. Sandor and Sansa are about two-thirds of the way down. She smiles at Tormund and Brienne as they pass them. Tormund is trying to help Brienne up the hill even though she’s progressing on her own fine. She finally snaps, yelling out as she shoves his chest. He loses his balance and slides down the hill on his stomach. He reaches the bottom and looks up at Brienne, a smile on his face.]

Tormund, loudly, happily - I love this woman!! 

[He laughs gleefully as he makes his way back up the hill, reaching Brienne’s side quickly. He doesn’t reach out to help her but continuously looks over to make sure she’s doing ok. Brienne sighs, frustrated. They reach the top of the hill as the camera pans to follow Gendry and Podrick down the hill. They both have two wheels on their back but are struggling with the weight slightly. They move slowly. They both glance up, astonished as Arya and Tyene pass them, going down the hill quickly with the last two wheels they need, one on each of their backs.]

Gendry, hands raised in confusion - How is this happening?? [Podrick laughs and shakes his head in disbelief.]

[The camera follows Arya and Tyene as they rapidly progress down the hill. They reach the bottom and begin to unload their cheese onto the growing pile by the barn. The camera pans over to Sandor and Sansa as they get their clue from the farmer. The camera swiftly pans to the road as Margaery and Bronn run up. The camera zooms out as Sandor walks into the shot, facing the approaching team.] 

Sandor, loudly, annoyed - Where the fuck have you been, Bronn? 

[Bronn reaches Sandor, taking off his backpack and laying it on the ground. He shrugs.]

Bronn - Our fucking twat of a taxi driver got lost or something. It took us forever to get to Joyeuse’s place. Are you guys done? [He gestures to Sansa and Sandor.]

Sandor, nodding - Yeah, do you want us to stay and help you guys? 

Bronn, shaking his head - Nah, you go on ahead, man. [He claps Sandor on the shoulder] My bird and I can handle it. [He turns to look at Margaery, who blushes, pleased.]

[Sansa and Margaery quickly exchange a hug. Bronn and Margaery run past them to the wooden structures, Bronn helping Margaery first. Sansa comes to stand next to Sandor, gesturing to the unopened yellow envelope in his hand.] 

Sansa - They said they got it, let’s keep going. 

[Sandor sighs, reaching down to open the envelope. He holds it down for Sansa to read aloud.]

Sansa - It’s the Pit Stop! It says ‘Make your way to the Ruins of Oxcross.'

[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is walking in an empty field with stone ruins around him]

Petyr - Once a majestic village home to hundreds of people, this town is now abandoned after it was ravaged by armies in the Battle of Castamere in 1733. It’s this location where the teams will have to search and find me here on the legendary Westerosi Race mat. The last team that shows up… may be eliminated.

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr sighs, his posture sagging. He looks off-camera. “Why do I always have to say that? The audience knows the last team to arrive will always be eliminated.” A voice mumbles off-screen. “No, I know that other show has non-elimination legs but this show doesn’t. It just seems unnecessary.” More mumbling. “Oh, fuck off Varys.”]]

[The Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. He stuffs the papers back in the envelope as they turn, Sansa following Sandor as he leads them down the road at a light jog. The camera turns back to the hill. Arya and Tyene have disappeared. Gendry and Podrick have arrived at the bottom and are tiredly taking off their wooden structures. The shot widens as we see Brienne and Tormund making their way steadily down the hill. Both of them are carrying two cheese wheels easily. Tormund is gazing at Brienne as if she is the most magnificent sight he’s ever seen. She is ignoring him, focused on her foot placement. The camera pans over to the road where we see Davos arrive. He lays his bag down on the ground as Gendry comes over and gives him a hug, which Davos returns jovially.]

Gendry - Dad, where’s your partner? 

Davos, exasperated, gesturing behind him - She’s back there, thanking the fucking sheep for their patience and good spirit. 

[Gendry looks at him, confused. Davos just shakes his head, baffled. Gendry jogs to the pile of wooden structures, grabbing one and bringing it back to his dad. He helps him get it on his back. Davos hugs him again, clapping him on the shoulder. ]

Davos, happily - Go, son. You and your partner need to continue. [He nods to Podrick, who nods back, respectfully] 

Gendry - Ok dad, be careful! [They exchange head nods again as Davos turns to start the climb up the hill. Gendry and Podrick turn to open their clue. The camera pans to the road again, showing Jon and Ygritte approaching. Ygritte is comforting Jon, an amused look on her face.] 

Ygritte - That sheep came out of nowhere Jon, I don’t even know how he got out of the fence. 

Jon, slightly traumatized - He was just so… eager. 

Ygritte, laughing - He must’ve caught a glance at your handsome face. I don’t blame him, frankly. 

[Jon blushes as they set their bags down. He looks over at Ygritte and she smiles, winking at him. His cheeks darken more and he smiles faintly. They move to grab their wooden structures. They both look confused but work together and figure it out quickly, moving to climb up the hill. The camera shot widens, showing Bronn walking down the hill with two wheels on his back. He keeps turning to look back at Margaery. She has taken her structure off her back and is dragging it slowly down the hill behind her with one wheel on top of it. She is breathing heavily but gestures happily to Bronn to keep going when she catches him looking back at her. He shakes his head, amused as he walks down the hill. Davos has reached the top of the hill. He is panting while the attendant secures one wheel to his back. The camera pans down the hill and over to the farmer, who is handing Brienne their clue envelope. She nods back respectfully and turns to go stand next to Tormund. He offers her a bottle of water, and she sighs before reluctantly taking it.]

Brienne, clipped - Thank you. 

Tormund - Normally I wouldn’t mind my women so wet but we need to preserve your fluids. For later. [He winks at her. Brienne grimaces, disgusted.] 

[The camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa. They are jogging along a dirt road, empty fields and hills behind them.] 

Sandor, panting - It should be just up here. [He looks back at Sansa, who is breathing heavily. She nods but doesn’t say anything. Her gaze shifts over to the side slightly and she gasps.]

Sansa, pointing over to the side - Arya! 

[The camera pans over to where Arya and Tyene are both running from a different direction, moving quickly with their bags bouncing slightly on their backs. The camera pans back to Sandor and Sansa, who have begun to jog faster.]

Sansa, exasperated - No! She CAN’T win! [She tries to pick up her speed but can’t sustain it. Sandor moves up next to her, grabbing the handle on her bag.] 

Sandor, panting - Give me this, then sprint as fast as you can. The field we’re going to is up around this last bend. On the right. 

[Sansa slips her arms from the straps. She looks back at him as he takes her bag, putting it on so it now sits across his front.]

Sansa, breathing heavily - What about you? 

Sandor, shaking his head - Don’t worry about me, just GO! 

[Sansa takes off at a fast pace, sprinting at top speed around the last bend. The camera shot shows Sandor keeping pace with her. They see Petyr waiting on the mat and they make a straight line for it, cutting across the grass. The camera zooms out to show Arya and Tyene also sprinting across the grass. Petyr’s eyes widen as he moves off to the side, out of the way. Both teams move in quickly, but Sansa and Sandor just barely reach the mat before Arya and Tyene. All four contestants run over the mat quickly, going too fast to stop on it. Sandor reaches an arm out to stop Sansa from falling down as she tries to stop. He lets go as she nods her head at him gratefully. Everyone is panting heavily. Sansa is doubled over, hands on her knees as she tries to breathe in deeply. Sandor has his hands up on the back of his head, his fingers clasped as he takes deep breaths. Arya and Tyene are both panting, looking disappointed. They all make their way back to stand on the mat with Petyr, who has moved back to his spot.] 

[[Director’s cut Outtakes]] Petyr wrinkles his nose at them, dusting off his clothes, which are perfectly clean. He eyes Sandor and Sansa and sighs. He extends one hand out to the side. “Will someone bring me my stool?” Sandor huffs a laugh, still trying to catch his breath. A production assistant brings over a wooden box, laying it at Petyr’s feet. He puts a hand on the assistant’s shoulder, boosting himself up to stand on the box. He is still shorter than Sandor, but is now taller than Sansa. He nods to the assistant, who backs away out of the shot.]]

Petyr, smiling widely- Wow! What an entrance! Very exciting. I’m happy to announce that Sandor and Sansa… You are team number one! 

[Sansa turns to Sandor, beaming. She shrieks excitedly, throwing her arms around his neck and awkwardly hugging him despite her bag in the way. Sandor closes his eyes in pain and covers his ears with his hands. Sansa moves back from him, apologizing as she bounces up and down in happiness. He grimaces at her, his hands still on his ears.]

Sandor, loudly - Are you done? [Sansa nods her head yes quickly, still beaming. Sandor takes his hands off his ears. He looks not angry. They both turn back to face Petyr.] 

Petyr - Yes, I’m very happy for you both! I love to see Sansa bouncing with happiness like that. [He eyes Sansa’s chest as she continues to bounce. Sandor clears his throat, frowning at him. Petyr’s eyes widen and he turns to face Arya and Tyene] That brings us to Arya and Tyene… you are team number two! 

[The girls both have their hands resting on their hips. They turn to each other and nod their heads. Sansa turns to look at Arya, a triumphant look on her face. Arya looks over at her and rolls her eyes. Everyone turns back to look at Petyr.] 

Petyr - So Sandor, you’re from this area. Do you think that helped you achieve the coveted first place?

Sandor, unimpressed - Obviously. 

[Petyr waits expectantly for him to say more. Sandor remains passive, staring him down. Petyr clears his throat and shifts his attention to the other team.]

Petyr - And Tyene? How do you think you and Arya are getting along?

[The girls turn to face each other and exchange a look. Their faces are blank. Tyene looks back at Petyr.] 

Tyene - She is fast, efficient with her movements. I like her. 

[Arya looks back at Petyr, face confident.]

Petyr - Well, I’m sure the producers are thrilled you two haven’t cut each other to shreds like they predicted! [He turns to the Camera.] Let’s check-in to see how our other teams are doing! 

[Camera cuts to a small road lined with houses. Brienne is standing in the road, facing a house. Tormund is up by the door, laughing jovially with the owner. The owner claps his hand on Tormund’s shoulder, grinning, then points his finger down the road. Tormund nods his head gratefully at him, shaking his hand before he turns back to Brienne. Brienne’s lip twitches in amusement as the owner calls out to Tormund again, waving goodbye to them both. Brienne and Tormund wave back before they jog side by side in the direction the man pointed.]

[The Camera cuts to an outdoor festival where music is playing.   Jaime and Sarella are wearing traditional local clothing, standing side by side. They both watch intently as the couple next to them performs the complicated dance routine, twisting and spinning wildly. The instructor tells them to go ahead. Sarella and Jaime nod to each other and begin. They do very well. The instructor holds out their next clue, shocked. Sarella jumps into Jaime’s arms and he swings her around as they both cheer.]

[The Camera cuts to the steep hill. Margaery and Bronn have completed the task, both panting heavily. They receive their next clue and exit the screen. Davos is sliding down on his butt, hugging a cheese wheel to his chest. Melisandre is up at the top of the hill. She is smiling easily and talking to the attendant. He laughs nervously, scratching his neck. She says a few more words, running the back of her hand across his cheek. He grins and nods, grabbing a wheel and carrying it down the hill for her. Ygritte and Jon are in the cheese shed. Jon has two wheels on his back and is trying to load a second wheel onto Ygritte’s wooden structure. A sheep bleats in the distance and he turns, worried. His hands fumble with the wheel, dropping it. It rolls down the hill, steadily picking up speed.]

Ygritte, loudly - Lookout! A cheese escaped! 

[The camera pans to Davos, who stops moving. He curls his body in a tight ball, hugging the wheel closer to him.]

Davos, his voice small and strained - Please don’t let that cheese hit me.  

[The cheese wheel rolls rapidly by him without making impact. It reaches the bottom of the hill and slams into the barn, leaving a huge hole. Davos is visibly relieved and continues scooting down the hill. The camera pans back up to Ygritte and Jon. He grimaces, looking down at the farmer. Camera shows the farmer crossing his arms and glaring up at Jon. Jon laughs awkwardly and waves apologetically at him. He turns, picking up another wheel of cheese. He raises it, moving over to Ygritte’s back.]

Ygritte, softly - [Noise mimicking sheep bleat] 

[Jon drops the cheese wheel again but bends down to catch it quickly before it can roll down the hill. He stands up straight, glaring playfully at Ygritte, who is laughing. He secures the wheel to her back and they both make their way steadily down the hill at a good pace.] 

[We now begin the ending montages of teams arriving separately to the mat. Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick who are facing Petyr, panting heavily. ]

Petyr - Gendry and Podrick… you are team number three! 

Gendry, out of breath - Did that other team get here already? The two girls? [He looks around the mat area. Podrick looks to Petyr with interest]

Petyr, confused - Yeah, they checked in like an hour ago. 

Gendry & Podrick, frustrated - Damnit! 

[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund on the mat.]

Petyr - Brienne and Tormund…. You guys are team number four! 

[Tormund cheers and goes for a hug from Brienne. She stiff-arms him, grimacing. He puts his arms down but is still smiling.]

Petyr - Now, it’s my understanding that you both got lost on the way to the mat? How do you think you guys handled that situation?

[Brienne shifts her backpack and clears her throat, uncomfortable. Tormund is looking at her expectantly, smiling.]

Brienne, hesitantly - I think… Tormund is very personable and ….that might have helped us get the accurate directions we needed. [She winces as Tormund raises his arms and cheers loudly at her praise.]  

[Camera cuts to Bronn and Margaery approaching the mat. They are both breathing heavily. Bronn is carrying both bags. He drops them to the ground when they stop on the mat, bending over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Margaery smiles, rubbing her hand on his back. Bronn stands up straight after a moment, still breathing heavily.]

Petyr - Margaery and Bronn… you are team number five! 

Margaery, relieved - Oh good! I thought we were last! We’ve had the worst luck with cabs today! 

[Bronn nods his head to agree, puzzled.]

[Camera cuts to Jaime and Sarella approaching the mat, still wearing the local clothing.]

Petyr - Sarella and Jaime… you are team number six! 

[Jaime and Sarella turn to each other. Jaime is thrilled. He raises his hand up to give her a high five. Sarella is confused. He claps his hands together and looks at her expectantly. She awkwardly slaps his hand, smiling. They turn back to Petyr.]

Petyr - Now, it’s my understanding that you both only needed one attempt at the dance Detour? How do you explain that?

Jaime, arrogantly - Well, I’ve been in dance lessons since I could walk. [His voice is less arrogant now] And Sarella, well. She is just remarkable. [She smiles at him fondly.]

Sarella, to Petyr - Yes, I’ve been training in all the arts since I was little. Dancing, Fighting, Stabbing. [She smiles at Petyr cheerfully. Petyr’s eyes are wide and he laughs nervously. He looks at Jaime. Jaime shrugs, smiling.] 

[Camera cuts to Ygritte and Jon approaching the mat. They are both panting but happy.]

Petyr - Ygritte and Jon… you are team number seven! 

[They both look at each other, relieved.] 

Petyr - Jon, It’s my understanding that you made a new friend today?

[Jon shudders as Ygritte laughs. He looks at her, unamused. She laughs harder.]

Ygritte - I think I might have competition for who gets to sleep next to Jon tonight. [Jon’s eyes widen as he blushes. She winks at him.] 

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Jon clears his throat. “Um.. are we done here? I uh.. I actually would like to go back. I need to fix that barn.” He turns to go walk back to the location of the cheese Detour. Petyr calls after him, confused. “Jon! Jon, no. We have production people for that. You don’t have to worry about it.” Jon turns back to face Petyr. His face is uneasy. “Uhh.. no. I’d really like to fix it myself.” He turns and continues walking back the way they came. Ygritte watches him go and laughs, surprised. She shakes her head as she moves to follow him. She calls after him. “Jon! Wait!” He turns around, smiling as she jogs to catch up with him. They look at each other fondly as they walk side by side back to the barn.]]

[Camera cuts to Davos on the mat. It's dark outside. The mat and surrounding area is lit up by production lights. Davos and Petyr are both standing, faces bored as they face behind the camera. Davos sighs as he takes off his backpack, placing it on the ground. Camera pans back and we see Melisandre walking peacefully down the dirt road towards the mat. Camera pans back to the mat as Petyr checks his watch. He sighs. After a moment, Melisandre finally enters the shot. She smiles serenely at the men. Petyr smiles tensely at her. Davos shakes his head, looking down at the ground.] 

Petyr, sarcastically - Welcome to the Mat, Melisandre. 

Melisandre, genuinely - Thank you, Petyr. [Petyr’s fake smile slips for a moment. He takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes. He opens them again.]

Petyr, smiling - Now, Melisandre, it’s my understanding that you had someone help you during the Detour that wasn’t your partner? 

Melisandre, calmly - It’s not my decision whether another soul chooses to aid us while we’re on this journey. They are their own being. 

[Davos sighs, still looking at the ground.] 

Petyr, tense - Well. Regardless. You received help from a 'being' that wasn’t your partner. Because of that, I’ll need you two to wait out your thirty-minute penalty before I can check you in.  [He holds his hand out, gesturing to a stone wall nearby.]

[Davos sighs again, reaching down to grab the strap on his bag. He drags it across the grass, sitting on the wall with his head resting in his hands. Melisandre calmly takes a step back, her feet now on the grass. She clasps her hands together in front of her and smiles at Petyr. Petyr smiles back. There’s an elapsed timer in the corner showing us the time passing.]

Elapsed Time - 3:07   [Petyr looks uneasy. Melisandre is still staring, smiling at him.] 

Elapsed Time - 15:54   [Melisandre is still staring. Petyr crosses his arms, turning his back to her. He looks over his shoulder to see her still smiling and he quickly looks forward again. Davos is laying down on top of the wall. He’s using his bag as a pillow and his eyes are closed.]

Elapsed Time - 29:43   [Petyr is fuming. He’s facing Melisandre, who hasn’t moved since the penalty started. Petyr’s hands are on his hips and he’s glaring at her. Davos is asleep on the wall, his mouth hanging open. He’s snoring faintly.]

Melisandre, softly - Davos, our time is up.  [Davos stirs. He sits up gingerly, wincing and rubbing his neck.]

Petyr, angrily - No it isn’t, you can’t know that. 

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - A production assistant clears his throat from off-camera. Petyr snaps his head angrily to the side. “WHAT?!” He glares as we hear mumbling. Petyr deflates slightly. “How could she know that?” More mumbling. “Well, did you tell her?” More mumbling. “Fine, just.. Fine. Go fuck off somewhere.” He waves his hand, dismissing the assistant.]]

[Petyr straightens his shoulders, smiling tensely as he addresses the team]

Petyr, nonchalantly - Alright, your time is now up. [Davos stands, dragging his bag as he walks back to the mat. Melisandre steps forward, smiling as she stands next to Davos.]

Petyr, tersely - Davos and Melisandre, you are team number eight.

[Camera cuts to the inside of the airport as Petyr approaches the bar. Cersei is laughing wildly, slapping Jaqen on the shoulder. They are both completely plastered. Cersei catches sight of Petyr and the crew and raises her hands in the air. One hand has a drink in it. The drink sloshes out, falling on her. She doesn’t notice.]

Cersei, loudly - PETYRRRR!! You pompous fuckclown, you’re finally here. Can I order you a drink?? Aemon here makes the BEST gin and tonics. [She turns towards the bartender. It’s a woman.]  You’re not Aemon. 

Female Bartender - Ma’am, his shift ended two hours ago. 

Petyr, solemnly - Cersei. Jaqen. All of the other teams have checked in. I’m very sorry to tell you… you have been eliminated from the race. 

[Cersei and Jaqen laugh uproariously] 

Cersei, to Jaqen - Do you want to go fuck?   [Jaqen laughs, shaking his head]

Jaqen - I do not fuck. I participate in the ancient ritual of joining of souls. When we can truly experien- 

Cersei, interrupting - Does it involve you putting your dick in me?    [Jaqen pauses, thinking]

Jaqen, shrugging - Eventually, yes. 

[Cersei laughs triumphantly, grabbing the front of his shirt and dragging him to the women’s bathroom. A few women run out of the bathroom, their faces traumatized as we hear cackling echo from inside.] 

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr turns to the bartender. “Aemon, is it? Gin and tonic, please.” She looks at him, confused. “Sir, my nam-” He interrupts her. “Ah-ah. I don’t care.” He taps the counter, then gestures to all the bottles behind her. She sighs, grabbing a glass and turning to fill it.]]

 

- - -

 

Sandor nodded to the bartender, turning with his beers to make his way back to Bronn. They’re in a local pub, filming having finished for the day. The room is mostly empty except a few locals sitting up at the bar and most of the competitors from the race grouped around the room. 

Sandor arrived at Bronn’s side, handing him a fresh beer. Bronn takes it, raising it in appreciation at him before taking a deep swig from the stein. He looked out into the room, gesturing with his chin. “We got the luck of the draw, eh?” 

Sandor turned, seeing that Bronn is looking at Margaery. She’s sitting at one of the tables with Sansa, Gendry and Podrick. They’re all laughing at Gendry, who is miming a sheep attacking him. Jon is at the next table, glaring at him while Ygritte laughs, clapping her hand on his back lightly. 

Sandor huffed, turning back to Bronn and taking a deep draw from his beer. Bronn shook his head at Sandor, confused. “They’re the best looking ones in the group! We could’ve gotten shit handed to us.”

Sandor laughed humorlessly, shaking his head at Bronn. “What good do their looks do us, Bronn? We're here for the money. It was supposed to be an easy fucking win.” He took another draw from his stein, sullen again.

Bronn shrugged his shoulder. “Eh, maybe we can still win. And now we can have some fun, too” He waggled his eyebrows, smirking. 

Sandor groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He looked at Bronn. “You’re going to fuck her?”

Bronn scoffed. “Of course I’m going to fuck her. You aren’t?” He raised his hand, gesturing to Sansa. 

Sandor didn’t turn around - he doesn’t need a reminder of what his new teammate looks like. He sighed. “I’m not like you - I don’t stick my dick into anything that moves.” 

Bronn scoffed, offended. He poked Sandor in the chest. Sandor batted his hand away muttering people need to stop poking me as Bronn laughed. “Don’t you slut-shame me. If she’s willing, which she is” Bronn waggled his eyebrows again and Sandor rolled his eyes. “Then I don’t see the harm in it. It’s all in good fun.”

Sandor sighed. “This wasn’t supposed to be fucking fun. We were supposed to win. At all costs, no distractions. We agreed, remember?” 

Bronn laughed. “Well if you don’t want any fun, no fucking is the way to go. We can still win - Margaery and I work well together. Is Sansa a good teammate?”

Sandor thought back over their first leg. She ran well, kept pace with him even when they sprinted their hardest. But, she also complained about the sheep, wrinkling her nose at the slight farm smell. He shrugged a shoulder. “Too soon to tell. Maybe.” 

Bronn smiled triumphantly. “Well there you go! Just focus on your race with Sansa. Margie and I will focus on ours, and whatever happens, happens.” 

Sandor pursed his lips, thinking. Bronn and Margaery were a lost cause - he could tell Bronn was in it now more for her than winning. He took a drink from his stein. 

He would just have to carry Sansa to the finish line. He had no other choice.