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The Westerosi Race

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Sandor walked into the kitchen of their rented home, freshly showered and dressed to start a new day of filming. It was early morning so he was surprised to find Davos already up and making coffee. 

Davos turned, smiling at Sandor. He lifted an empty coffee cup up, raising an eyebrow in question. Sandor nodded and Davos filled it up, handing it over to him as Sandor nodded appreciatively. He took a sip, wincing at the temperature.

“I heard what you did yesterday. Saving Arya.” Davos looked up at Sandor, his face proud. 

Sandor shrugged. “If I didn’t get her, Tormund or Brienne would’ve. I just spotted her first.” He took another sip of coffee, wincing again. He shook his head and put the cup down on the island.

Davos pursed his lips, looking down at the counter as he set his own cup down. “You know, correct me if I’m wrong but I once heard you say you’d ‘slaughter the rest of us fuckers’ to win this competition.” He looked up at Sandor, a knowing smile on his face. Sandor shifted his weight, looking down at his own cup, his face uncomfortable. When Sandor didn’t say anything, Davos continued. “I’m saying I was seated in front of you on that first flight.”

Sandor rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I managed to piece that together.”

Davos shrugged, his eyes wide. “Well, I wasn’t sure, you didn’t say anything and I thought ‘maybe he doesn’t realize the point I’m trying to make’.”

Sandor relaxed his shoulders, his face amused. “Yeah, I got it, Davos.”

Davos nodded, satisfied. 

Sandor picked up his cup, taking a sip of coffee. He winced at the temperature, setting it back down. 

After a moment, Davos spoke again. “How’s Arya doing?”

Sandor sighed, widening his stance as he leaned against the island. “Sansa and Jon visited her last night after filming wrapped. Sansa said Arya is thrilled - she got 22 stitches.” 

Davos winced, giving a low whistle of surprise. 

Sandor nodded. “Jon said Arya was excited about having a ‘fucking badass scar’ so.. I think she’ll survive.” Sandor shook his head, amused. 

Davos chuckled, picking up his coffee cup again. “She’s a tough young woman. I’m glad to hear that she’ll be ok. With a new and improved scar, it sounds like.” He smiled as he took a sip from his cup, wincing when it was too hot. 

They both stood in the kitchen together, neither saying anything but not minding the silence. 

Davos looked down at the counter, gesturing to 3 huge bowls overflowing with fruit - one with oranges, one with lemons and the last with limes. 

“It’s a bit much isn’t it?” Davos looked up at Sandor, his face bewildered.

Sandor raised his eyebrows, widening his eyes as he shook his head. “Waaay too fucking much.”

Davos laughed as he picked up his coffee, taking a sip and wincing at the temperature.

- - -

Petyr voiceover - Previously on The Westerosi Race… 


[Start with a clip of Arya sitting on the ground with gauze on her leg leaning back against Tyene followed by a clip of all the teams standing together on the Pit Stop mat, their faces determined.] 

The Race lost two of it’s toughest competitor’s last episode, causing an uproar amongst the remaining teams. 


[Cut to a clip of Sansa rowing steadily alongside Sandor, followed by Jon growling as he forces the front of his raft back down onto the water.]

Will Sansa be seized with grief for her sister, causing her to blow the competition? Will Jon be able to recover from his sister and original partner in this Race being eliminated?


[Cut to a clip of Brienne retrieving the clue from the snake pit as Tormund watches warily from outside the amphitheater.] 

Is Brienne tired of carrying Tormund through the Race, causing their budding friendship to collapse from the resentment?


[Cut to a clip of Davos sighing and nodding as he follows Melisandre down the path towards the slower Detour task.] 

Will Davos continue to trust in Melisandre, possibly leading to them being one of the final three teams in next week’s finale episode?


[Camera cuts to Petyr, a bright red handprint on the left side of his face as he walks along the top of a mountain.] 

Petyr, wincing - All of this and more on this week’s episode of The Westerosi Race! 


Westerosi Theme Song


Petyr voiceover - For the first time in Westerosi Race history, all four remaining teams will be departing at the same time. For this leg of the race, each team will receive $3. 


[[Director’s cut Outtakes - All the contestants are standing on the mat, talking animatedly to each other as they wait for production to get ready. Sansa puts her hands out, talking above everyone else. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s just go down the list. Ok so, if it’s somewhere with snow, Jon, Ygritte, Tormund and myself will have the advantage.” Everyone nods, Sansa smiling as Sandor mutters ‘it better not be fucking snow’. “And if it’s water, I would say our resident Island Woman here would have the advantage.” Brienne smiles, pleased as Sansa tilts her head, considering. “I would also have to count Davos in that group.” Davos nods humbly, smiling at Sansa. “Sandor has an advantage if we go somewhere in the West.” Everyone nods in agreement. She continues “But he also has an advantage with his height, or anything involving lifting stuff, I mean, have you seen his shoulders? He’s also really good at-” Jon clears his throat, cutting her off. Sansa stops talking, laughing awkwardly as she looks up at Sandor, her cheeks red. He smirks, raising an eyebrow at her. She smiles, looking back at the group. “So, um.. that covers Sandor. That leaves us with…” She stops talking as everyone looks at Melisandre. Melisandre smiles pleasantly at Sansa, waiting. Davos speaks up. “Uh.. well. She’s good at languages. I’ve seen her speak in the native tongue of every country we’ve been to.” He turns to Melisandre. “Are there any languages you don’t know?” She looks at him serenely. “Who’s to say what’s truly communicated when we speak to each other, no matter the language?” Davos nods his head in agreement with her while the rest of the contestants look at each other warily. Sansa refocuses, clapping her hands together excitedly. “Alright so Melisandre will have.. the advantage she just said, right?” Melisandre nods at her, pleased.]]

[Camera shows everyone standing on the mat, Sandor, Ygritte, Brienne and Davos all holding the envelopes for their respective teams. They all rip them open at once, pulling the papers out and showing their partners. No one says anything for a moment.]

Ygritte - Andalos Mountains? Where is that?

Brienne - Is it in Westeros or Essos?

Sandor - No, it’s definitely in Essos. Fuck, I’m trying to remember…

Tormund, sadly - It’s going to be hot?

Sansa, cheerfully - No, mountains shouldn’t be hot. 

Jon, matter-of-fact - We literally just spent all last leg on a hot mountain. [Sansa sticks her tongue out at him.]

Sandor, snapping his fingers - Oh, fuck. I remember. It’s a mountain range in Essos, just south of … [He trails off, looking over at Melisandre. Her eyes are shining as she smiles, pleased.]

Davos, hopefully - Braavos? Your home?

[Melisandre nods her head as the rest of the teams groan loudly.]


[Camera cuts to Petyr walking on a mountaintop, a bright red handprint on his face.]

Petyr, in pain - Teams must now navigate themselves to this mountain range just south of Braavos, The Andalos Mountains. Once home to the powerful kingdom of the Andals before they migrated to Westeros, this beautiful landscape is now home to the Cymmeri People, an isolated society that used to roam the continent of Essos for centuries before choosing to reside in these mountains, having little contact with the outside world. They have welcomed us here, so very warmly, although with a rather interesting caveat never before seen on the Race - there will be absolutely no running, out of respect for their god.


- - -


Sansa picked her crossword book up out of her way, sighing happily as she sat back down in the aisle seat. “Are you sure you don’t need to go? I’m not gonna move for you once I get all comfortable so now’s your chance.” She smiled teasingly at him.

Sandor scoffed as he looked over at her, raising the armrest back up so she could lean against him, adjusting a bit so her elbow stopped digging into his ribs. “You think I fit in an airplane bathroom?” 

Sansa turned towards him, leaning in and bringing her mouth up to his. He responded immediately, leaning towards her and humming as he returned her kiss. He could feel her smile against his lips before she pulled back, her voice low. “Does that mean we won’t be joining the mile high club then?” 

He smiled, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh yeah? Been thinking about fucking in a plane?”

She shrugged, smirking at him. “I’ve never done it before and.. I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff we could do.” He pressed his lips to hers again, bringing his hand up behind her neck and pulling her closer, groaning lowly when she opened her mouth up to him.

“You guys know I can hear you, right?” 

Sandor pulled back from Sansa, turning to Jon sitting next to him, Jon’s face grimacing as he looked at them. 

Sandor smirked, raising an eyebrow and shrugging a shoulder. Sansa laughed, her cheeks red as she apologized quickly to Jon. She kissed Sandor again chastely before she settled back against his chest, opening her book up to the page they were working on as Sandor brushed his fingertips up and down her arm. 


- - -


[Camera cuts to a view of a mountain village. Teams are walking up the stairs of an elaborate porch of the main building. The clue box is standing in front of a set of intricate wooden double doors. They all approach the box at the same time and Sandor gestures for Davos to go first.]

Sandor, sardonically - It’s not like we’re in a rush.  [He rolls his eyes. Sansa looks at him, nudging him with her elbow.]  What? I don’t believe in their god. 

Sansa, through the side of her mouth - Yeah, but others around us do. [She widens her eyes, gesturing very obviously with her head to Melisandre.] 

Sandor, flatly - Yeah, Sansa, even if she were fucking blind, she could still see you nodding at her. 

[Sansa scowls at him, turning to face Melisandre, her face pink as she smiles apologetically. Melisandre smiles at Sansa, unoffended.]

Melisandre - The Cymmeri do not worship the Lord of Light. They do not speak their god’s name aloud at all. 

[Sandor reaches into the clue box, the last one to get a clue. Tormund, Davos, Jon and Sandor all rip open their envelopes, removing the papers and holding them up for their respective partners to see.]

Sansa - Roadblock. “Which of you has an ear for tongues?” [She grimaces, looking up at Sandor as he shrugs, frowning. The group all exchange a look.]

Ygritte, looking off-camera - What the fuck kind of village is this? 

[Melisandre looks to the camera.] 

Melisandre, confidently - I’ll do it. [She opens the clue, reading the instructions quickly. She nods as she hands the papers to Davos. He takes it, nodding back to her as she turns and goes inside the set of doors. He looks down at the clue, eyes scanning it quickly.]

Sansa, curiously - Did anyone get any hints from her face? 

Jon, skeptical - I don’t get any hints when she speaks, how am I supposed to read her face?

[Sansa glares at him playfully as Ygritte gestures to the clue.]

Ygritte - Anyone have any ideas, then? I mean, I’m into some weird shit but I don’t want some rando’s tongue in my ear.  [Jon’s ears turn red as Tormund slaps him on the back, grinning widely. Jon avoids everyone’s eyes, looking down at the paper in his hands intently. Sandor laughs loudly as Sansa looks both amused and disgusted, not looking at Jon or Ygritte.]

Brienne, logically - Maybe it means tongues as in speech. Like a language. 

[The group exchanges another look. Brienne looks over to Davos but he only smiles, his hands folded in front of him. He shrugs, not giving anything away.]

Sansa, resigned - Well, it’s the only guess we’ve got. 

[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor. She looks up at him as we see the other couples turning to talk to themselves in the background.]

Sansa, quietly - What do you think? I mean, I speak two languages so I think I’m the best shot. 

Sandor, offended - Hey, I can speak two languages.  

[Camera cuts to black and white footage, the words ‘Previously..’ in the bottom corner of the frame. We see Sandor speak terrible Dothraki to a cab driver in Meereen. Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. Sansa raises one of her shoulders up by her ear, wincing as she makes an unsure noise.]

Sansa, hesitantly - Ehhhh.. I mean, yes, technically you said words in another language, but.. 

[Sandor widens his eyes comically, handing her the clue envelope.]

Sandor, offended but amused - Wow, ok. Just go. 

[He gestures for her bag. She smiles as she slips her arms from the straps, handing it over to him. He shakes his head at her as she lifts herself up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. She turns to the camera.]

Sansa, smiling - I’ll do it. 



[Camera cuts to Petyr as he stands in a garden on a platform made of bamboo, a tall woman standing next to him. She is looking confidently at him, her dark hair falling down her back to her waist. Her chest is bare, showing the toned upper half of her body. She has deep purple cotton harem pants on with a vibrant blue shock of wool tied around her waist like a skirt with no front. She’s not wearing any jewelry, her only adornment being three dark red stripes of color applied with fingers that start at her bottom lip and drag down to a palm-sized circle on her sternum. ]

Petyr - The Cymmeri People have a unique culture amassed from different customs found all over Essos. Whether it’s their architecture, their religion, or their language. Teams will first enter the Village Home and meet with one of three Cymmeri leaders, known as a Voda. [He gestures to the woman, looking at her naked chest distractedly for a moment before looking back to the camera. He clears his throat.] She will tell the team members a Cymmeri proverb in their native language. The team member will then come to this garden and meet another Voda here [he gestures to the building behind him.] repeating the proverb to them. If team members say the words incorrectly, they must come back to the first Voda and hear it again. Once they’ve spoken the phrase correctly they will receive their next clue.]

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr nods to the Voda, a lewd smile on his face as he walks away from her. He exits the frame but we can hear him talking loudly to someone while we watch the Voda stand patiently, her hands clasped behind her back casually. “Gods, can you believe the people here? Practically savages walking around without any clothes on. Although I will say this one does have some nice fun bags.” We see the Voda tilt her head, eyes narrowed as she looks over to where Petyr exited the screen. Petyr’s voice becomes alarmed. “Can she understand Common? I thought they didn’t talk to the real world?” More mumbling. Petyr’s voice becomes a hissed whisper. “Varys, you absolute fucktart! You put me next to a half-naked savage woman and didn’t even tell me it was her duty to the village to know Common?!” We hear laughing off-camera.]]

[Camera cuts back to Sansa as she hands the paper over to Sandor.]

Sansa, sighing - Brienne was right, it’s language. 

Sandor, annoyed - The red witch will be done soon then. 

Sansa, thoughtfully - The clue said Cymmeri is pretty isolated, maybe she won’t know it? 

[Sandor looks at her skeptically.]

Sansa, defensively - Hey, I’m just trying to think positively! 

[Camera cuts to the double doors as Melisandre exits, a yellow envelope in her hand. Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa as he looks at Sansa pointedly, raising an eyebrow. Sansa laughs, rolling her eyes.]

Sansa, cheerfully - Okay, whatever! I was wrong. [She looks back over towards the doors.] 

[Camera zooms out to show Ygritte pulling the door handle and walking inside.]

Sansa, rushed - Oh shoot, I need to go. [She raises up on her toes, kissing him quickly before walking towards the doors, Sandor smiling as he walks over to the bench to wait.]


[Camera cuts to Sansa as she enters a room, the Voda sitting in the middle of the floor, her legs crossed as she looks up at Sansa. Sansa slides the door shut, smiling nervously. The Voda smiles kindly, bowing her head at Sansa, Sansa bowing back quickly. The Voda gestures to the space in front of her and Sansa steps quickly, sitting down crossed legged in front of her, her posture straight as she puts her hands in her lap, looking at the Voda expectantly. The Voda opens her mouth to speak, her voice low and steady in her native tongue.]

Voda [phonetic transcription] - Ale lanat hash vo tat tikh lan ato

[Camera cuts back to Sansa as she widens her eyes, her mouth dropping open fractionally. The Voda is looking at her curiously, her head tilted to the side.]

Sansa, stunned - You speak Dothraki here?


[Camera cuts to a hallway as Sansa exits the room, nodding to Brienne as they trade places, Brienne entering the room. We can see Brienne’s cheeks darken when she sees the Voda, her eyes dropping to the floor respectfully as she slides the thin paper door shut behind her. Sansa walks down the hallway, exiting out to the garden as she whispers words under her breath, repeating.]


[Camera cuts to Sansa walking up the stairs of an outdoor covered platform, passing Ygritte on the stairs. Ygritte frowns and shakes her head, walking back towards the first Voda’s room. Sansa turns to the second Voda, bowing respectfully. His dark hair is in a loose braid draped over his shoulder, coming down over his bare sculpted chest. He has three dark red lines starting at his hairline, leading down over his eyelids and nose, ending at a palm-sized circle on his sternum. He is wearing olive green harem pants and the wool around his waist is faded tan. He bows to her and she returns it. He smiles as he gestures to the area in front of him. Sansa sits, smiling politely as she twists her hands in her lap. He looks at her expectantly.]

Sansa, nervously - Umm… ok. [She looks up to the ceiling, her face focused.] Ale lanat hash bo um.. hat..uh...[She winces, looking down at the Voda.] I’m sorry, I can’t remember the rest. 

[The Voda smiles at her.]

Voda, kindly - You may try again, do not worry. 

[Sansa nods at him, smiling politely as she stands and walks back to the first Voda.]

[Camera cuts to a montage of Sansa, Brienne and Ygritte, all attempting to repeat the phrase correctly. There are subtitles as well as a counter on the bottom of the frame for every attempt made by each contestant.] 


Attempt 1

[Brienne sits down, posture straight as she stares at the Voda, eyes intense as she speaks.]

[Subtitles for Brienne read - “Some poot grapes fence over alone.”

[The Voda purses his lips, hiding a smile as he shakes his head no.]


Attempt 2

[Ygritte sits down, stretching her legs out in front of her a bit before loudly firing out some words.]

[Subtitles for Ygritte read - “No swam moss at fire Monday.”

[The Voda furrows his brows, eyes wide as he shakes his head no.]


Attempt 2

[Sansa sits down, smiling. She nods to herself, taking a deep breath before speaking.]

[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Some beavers are not meant to be travel alone.”

[The Voda smiles encouragingly.]

Sansa, hopeful - Did I do it?

Voda, shaking his head - No, but you are close. 

[Sansa smiles as she stands up, walking quickly towards the stairs.] 


Attempt 2

[Brienne sits down, her posture straight as she furrows her brows intensely, her eyes closed as she speaks.]

[Subtitles for Brienne read - “Some run ham frost be traveled alone.”

[Brienne opens her eyes, her face wary.]

Voda, supportive - You are improving, but no, that is not it. 

[Brienne sighs, nodding as she stands up.]


Attempt 3

[Ygritte sits down roughly, her legs extended out in front of her fully as she smiles widely at the Voda.]

Ygritte - I got it this time, are you ready?

[The Voda smiles, gesturing for her to go ahead. Ygritte speaks loudly, making the Voda wince subtly.]

[Subtitles for Ygritte read - “Tongs bark chip sky grandmother hat.”

[Ygritte smiles at the Voda, raising her eyebrows and crossing her ankles as she leans back on her hands.]

Ygritte, confidently - Pretty good, right?

[The Voda sighs.]


Attempt 3

[Sansa sits down, smiling cheerily at the Voda. He nods his head, gesturing for her to begin.]

[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Some journeys are not meant to be traveled alone.”

[Voda smiles widely, nodding at her.]

Sansa, hopeful - I did it?

[Voda nods again, pulling a yellow envelope out from behind his back. Sansa beams at him, taking the clue and thanking him as she stands, turning to speed-walk down the stairs of the platform.]


[Camera cuts to the entrance where we see Tormund, Jon and Sandor sitting on a bench, watching the villagers pass as they wait. We hear a door open and all three abruptly lean forward, looking over towards the noise. Jon and Tormund look disappointed as they lean back against the wall as Sandor smirks, standing up. Camera zooms out to show Sansa beaming at Sandor as she walks into the frame holding the yellow clue up near her face. Sansa confidently speaks the phrase in Dothraki for him and he puts his hands on his hips, shaking his head as he looks at her, his face incredulous. She laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck, leaning her body fully against his and lifting her feet, crossing her ankles behind her as she tilts her head all the way back so she can see him. 

Sandor, disbelieving- Really? It was in my fucking language this whole time?!

[He scoffs as he puts his hands on her waist, his hands large enough that his thumbs almost touch on her stomach. She laughs at him, putting her feet down and nudging his chin with her head, gesturing for him to tilt his head down. He does, kissing her even though his face is still indignant. Sansa hums happily, dropping her arms and pulling away from him. She smiles as he shakes his head again, both of them turning to the bench. She waves at Jon and Tormund as she and Sandor bend down to pick up their bags from the floor.]

Sansa, reluctantly - Okay, yes, you probably would’ve gotten it faster but it only took me three tries so I feel like we’re still in good shape. Oh, pickles, [She snaps her fingers as she stands.] I forgot to even ask him what it meant. [She puts her bag on her back, pulling her hair out from underneath the straps.]

[Sandor puts his bag on, shrugging as he clears his throat.]

Sandor, casually - Something about a grandmother and her hat, mostly. 

Sansa, disappointed - Huh, so not even anything really good, like some wise life advice or anything we could relate to?

[Sandor thinks again, taking a second before he shakes his head no, shrugging a shoulder.] 

Sansa, frowns - Hmm. Seems like kind of a missed opportunity. [She sighs, raising their yellow envelope up with her eyebrows raised. Sandor nods and she opens it, pulling out the paper so he can see.]

Sansa - Detour, ‘In Their Buckets’ or ‘In Your Cups’



[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Camera cuts to a shot of two elephants embracing each other with their trunks at the base of the mountains - it’s very heartwarming. Camera zooms out to show Petyr grimacing as he looks at them over his shoulder, his arms crossed against his chest. He turns back to face the camera, his face frowning severely, disgusted as he looks into the lens. He looks off-camera, dropping his arms to his side as he whines. “Why do you always make me film in front of the detour with animals?” We hear mumbling from off-camera. Petyr scoffs, crossing his arms again. “Like I give a shit about what the audience wants to see, you fusty cow.” He looks in another direction off-camera, putting his hand out. “Give me that, I want to see where the other one is.” He yanks a script on camera, flipping through it until he pauses on a page, his eyes scanning quickly. He barks a humorless laugh, holding the script up. “I am NOT filming here in front of these vicious beasts, Varys, when I could be nice and safe up in the Village House!” Camera zooms in on the elephants. One is patting the other on the head nicely with its trunk. We hear Petyr’s shrill voice. “I am NOT joking, turn the camera OFF you fuc-” Camera cuts to black.]]


[Camera cuts to Petyr walking along a walkway on the exterior of the Village House, smiling joyfully.]

Petyr - The Cymmeri people are a self-sufficient population, not needing interaction with the outside world to maintain their livelihood. However, one thing they do offer up proudly in the local trading stalls is their tea. 



[Camera cuts to footage of tea leaves sitting out to dry.]

Petyr voiceover - The Cymmeri people have perfected the art of tea, making a wide variety of flavors all grown here on the Andalos Mountains. For ‘In Your Cups’, Team members will be tasked with searching for a matching pair in a sea of cups.


[Camera cuts to Petyr standing in an open room with hundreds of cups in neat rows on the floor behind him. He raises his hand, showing us the bottom of a cup with a symbol carved into it.]


Petyr - Each team has a symbol designating their tea’s distinct flavor. [He drops his hand down, gesturing behind him.] The team members will have to search through these cups in an effort to find two out of ten hidden with their specific symbol on the bottom. The catch is they must drink the entirety of any cup they touch. Once a team member finds a correct cup, they are not allowed to keep drinking in an effort to help their partner. After each team member brings the Voda a cup with their team's symbol on it, they will be given their next clue. There’s nothing physically demanding about this task but searching for your cup of tea in a group this immense could take some time. However, teams with a bit of luck… could stay one steep ahead.

[Camera cuts back to the two elephants, playing happily at the base of a mountain. There is an older elephant in the foreground now, laying in a patch of dirt and throwing it back on itself.]


Petyr voiceover - Elephants are held in high esteem in the Cymmeri culture, not only because of their size and strength, but also because while slow to anger, once provoked, elephants will use powerful force to defend themselves and their family, possibly becoming terribly violent. [[Director’s cut Outtakes - “I fucking told you, Varys, gods. Trying to have me killed??”]] For ‘In Their Buckets’, teams must help the Cymmeri people care for the local elephant population by filling their water troughs.


[Camera cuts to a bamboo bridge over a rushing river.]

Petyr voiceover - Teams will be provided with a rope they can use to lower their buckets down to the river, collecting as much as they can and lifting them back up. They will then walk them over to the elephant water troughs in this field, making as many trips as necessary to fill one up. 

[Camera cuts back to the elephants. In the foreground, we see a huge wooden water trough about the size of a standard bathtub.]


Petyr voiceover -  Once teams have filled up one entire trough, they will get their next clue. While this task is straightforward, it takes 50 gallons to fill an elephant trough, which means teams will need lots of brute strength to get the job done. Teams without the muscle power .. may find themselves not up to the tusk.

[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor as Sansa tilts her head back and forth, considering the options.]

Sansa  - I know you obviously like the trough one. [She looks up at him and he smirks. She raises her eyebrows, looking back down at the paper.] Yeah, big surprise there. 

Sandor, teasing - Well, have you seen my shoulders?  [Sansa shakes her head, trying not to laugh.]

Sansa, thoughtfully - The elephant one is way over there. [She points off-camera] but the tea one is right around the corner. I think we should at least check it out, I mean, how hard could finding some tea be? We could just get it right away and be done. [Sandor shrugs, nodding. They both walk quickly together towards the end of the porch, the cameraman staying still, the frame zooming in as Sansa and Sandor turn the corner, exiting the frame.] 


- - - 


The camera man sighed as he shut the camera off, taking it off his shoulder and setting it down on the porch near the steps. He rolled his shoulders a few times as he called out to the head production assistant. “Hey, Mormont! I’m going on break. Can you tell Samwell to cover SanSan for a while? They just left for that tea shit.” He groaned as he sat down on the top step, pulling a bag of trail mix from his camera bag and opening it up.

Lyanna turned to him but didn’t look up from her clipboard. “Drogo, you do realize you work for me, not the other way around, right?” Drogo poked his bottom lip out with his head tilted, batting his eyelashes dramatically, begging.

Lyanna looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “No. Do it yourself.” Drogo’s shoulders fell as she gestured with her chin to the radio on his hip. “I learned my lesson about doing you favors, you both still owe me for covering you on the Summer Islands. You guys were in that temple for way longer than you promised!”

Drogo laughed as he pulled the radio off his belt, calling for his replacement. Dany sat down next to Drogo, laying the boom mic down on the floor next to her before shoving her hand into the trail mix bag.  “Oh please, you barely even knew we were gone!” She pulled her hand from the bag, looking down at her palm to pick through the contents.

Lyanna looked at her sardonically. “It was 7 hours, Dany.”

Dany laughed. “Oh, that’s right - that was a good day.” She looked over at Drogo, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she threw a cashew into her mouth. Drogo nodded, agreeing as he stole a piece of dried fruit from Dany’s hand, biting into it as he eyed her. Lyanna scoffed, rolling her eyes and flicking them off, making Dany and Drogo laugh. Lyanna turned around, her back facing them as she looked back at her clipboard.

Dany sighed, leaning into Drogo as they both ate. “Gods, how painful was watching that Dothraki? I could barely contain myself.” 

Drogo groaned, shaking his head. “Sometimes it’s so fucking hard to keep my mouth shut.” He shrugged a shoulder as he dug his hand back in the bag, pulling out a huge handful. “Sansa got it though, pretty fucking quickly, too.” He tilted his head back as he dumped the entire handful of trail mix into this mouth. 

Dany hummed as she reached back into the bag. “I know we aren’t supposed to have favorites but..I kinda hope they win.” She looked down at her hand, throwing a peanut back in the bag with a grimace.

Drogo shrugged, leaning over to pick a piece of chocolate out of her hand. She slapped his hand away and he growled playfully. He spoke around the food in his mouth. “They’re not gonna win shit if they don’t just fuck already. They need some tension release.” Dany laughed, nodding. She threw another peanut in the bag, scowling when she looked down the stairs.

“Ugh, here comes the bearded clam.” Dany gestured with her chin and Drogo looked over, sneering as Petyr walked towards them, stopping when Lyanna flagged him down.

“Ok, Petyr, we’ve finished all your Detour and Roadblock filming, I think it would be a good time to shoot the intro for this episode.” Lyanna looked down at her clipboard, flipping a paper up as she scanned the sheet underneath. 

Petyr sighed, bringing his hand up to look at his nails. “Fine. But after that I’m having Pycelle come back to fix my manicure, he did a shit job yesterday. My cuticles are practically withering away from dehydration.”

Lyanna looked up at him, glaring before quickly putting a big fake smile on her face. “That sounds great Petyr, I’ll be sure to make that my number one priority.” Petyr widened his eyes as he continued to look at his nails, unimpressed. Lyanna looked over at an assistant next to her. “Jojen, can you let the B-shot team know? I want to be on top of the mountain well before sundown.” Jojen nodded, walking towards the stairs. Dany slid the boom mic out of his way and he nodded gratefully to her. She smiled at him as he passed.

Petyr looked up at Lyanna, his face disbelieving. “Um, I’m sorry what? The top of what mountain?” 

Lyanna took a deep breath before she pointed up to the highest peak. 

Petyr scrunched up his face.  “Ummm..does it have an elevator? Or some pre-historic lift system?” Lyanna took a deep breath, shaking her head no,. “Yeah, then no. I’m not walking up there.” He waved his hand, dismissing the idea. “Just use a green screen, I keep telling Varys it would save me so much trouble if we got one of those.”

“If you would like, I can help make the journey pass by quickly for you.” 

Everyone turned to look behind Petyr where the Voda with the blue wool was standing. She smiled pleasantly at everyone. 

Petyr smiled, turning his body towards her. He looked down at her chest, biting his bottom lip and staring until Lyanna cleared her throat loudly. He looked back up at the Voda’s face quickly. “Nice. I mean uhh.. no, what are you doing out here? I thought you were still filming the tongue thing?”

The Voda smiled, nodding at him. “I am, I just took a moment to see if I could offer some help. Would you like it?”

Petyr looked at her lewdly as he leaned in closer to her. “Would I like.. what?” 

She tilted her head, still smiling. “My help. In making the trip up to the peak more enjoyable.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I would love anything you do to make my peak more enjoyable.” Petyr grinned, looking down at her chest. 

The Voda’s smile fell, her face sneering with anger instead. She bared her teeth, her eyes turning dark as she stared down at Petyr. “Good. I’m glad my savage fun bags can distract you.”

Petyr looked up at her, confused. “Wha-”

She moved so quickly that Drogo didn’t see it, but everyone heard the resounding crack in the air her palm made against his cheek. Petyr crumpled to the ground immediately, passing out like a marionette with its strings cut. 

No one moved. Lyanna stared at Petyr with her mouth gaping open, too shocked to respond. 

The Voda looked over at Lyanna. “There. Now you will not have to listen to his whining as you make your journey to get what you need.”

Lyanna looked up at the Voda, her expression dazed but grateful. “Thank you.” 

The Voda nodded, a genuine smile on her face as she walked away, headed back towards the Roadblock. 

“Holy fucking shit , please tell me you got that.” Dany turned to Drogo, her face elated. 

Drogo’s smile gleamed as he nodded, keeping his phone up and pointed directly at Petyr’s limp form on the ground. “Every fucking second.” 


- - - 


[Camera cuts to the Tea Room as we enter the room, Sansa and Sandor already inside, their eyes wide as they take in the space. Davos is kneeling next to hundreds of tea cups in neat rows. He has his hand on his chin, eyes focused intently on the cups in front of him. Melisandre is standing off to the side, Davos’s bag at her feet as she watches him patiently. A third Voda is standing in the corner confidently with his legs in a shoulder-wide stance. He’s wearing black harem pants, the wool around his waist a vibrant yellow. His hair is cut close to his scalp and he has two dark red lines starting at the bottom of each eye leading down his neck to a palm-sized circle on his sternum. His muscular arms are crossed behind his back, each hand holding the opposite arm’s wrist. He nods his head respectfully to Sandor and Sansa and they both nod in return.]

Sansa, quietly - Look, they’ve already found one. 

[She gestures over to the Voda, a small table next to him with an empty cup on it. Davos sighs, rubbing his hand over his eyes. He has five empty cups on the floor next to him.]

Davos, disheartened - Naturally, she got hers on the first try. Now I’m the one holding us back. [He looks down at the rows of cups, his face melancholy.] 

Melisandre, shaking her head - No, we are where we’re meant to be. [She looks away towards the lake, her face peaceful.] The rage approaches. 

[Sansa and Sandor exchange a look. Sandor widens his eyes, shrugging a shoulder as Sansa mirrors the movement.]

Davos, distracted  - She’s saying it’s going to rain. A-ha! [He picks a cup up, raising it high so he can see the bottom. He makes a frustrated noise, muttering under his breath before he swallows the tea in one go. He sets the cup next to him and turns back to look at the rows.] Aren’t they supposed to be distinct flavors? How are they all the same color? 

[Camera cuts to the Voda as he shifts his weight, letting his arms fall to his sides as he smirks.]

[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as they both lean to the side, looking up at the sky. Camera cuts to an exterior view and we see it’s blue with white, fluffy clouds. Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa as they look at each other.]

Sandor, shrugging - It looks fine to me, I say we switch to the water one. 

Sansa, nodding - Yeah, I agree. [She looks over at Melisandre and Davos. Davos is leaning down on his hands, smelling a cup full of tea.] Um.. we’re actually going to go switch to the other one. 

[Melisandre smiles, raising an eyebrow as she nods. Davos nods distractedly as Sansa and Sandor exit the room. Davos sits up, his face frustrated as he puts his hands on his hips. He sighs, looking up at the Voda.] 

Davos, politely - Please tell me you have a restroom nearby. 

[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor walking quickly down an exterior walkway towards the front of the Village House.]  

Sansa, to Sandor - I don’t know how the other women were doing with the language, maybe we’ll have a bit of a lead now. 

[Camera cuts to Brienne as she takes a yellow envelope from the second Voda, bowing respectfully. He smiles happily at her, bowing in return. Brienne stands, turning to walk down the stairs of the platform as Ygritte walks up, the Voda smiling genuinely as he covers his ears with his hands. Camera cuts to a different view as Brienne crosses the stone path back to the Village House, dark clouds beginning to form in the sky behind her.]

[Camera cuts to a grassy field as Sandor and Sansa drop their bags on the ground. There are four troughs in front of a large open barn where villagers are congregated, watching Sandor and Sansa curiously. Sansa smiles at them as Sandor nods, greeting them in Dothraki. The villager’s faces are confused as they look at each other.]

[Subtitles for Sandor read - “Boat.”]

[Sansa smiles up at him proudly as Sandor nods again to the villagers, turning to walk with Sansa down a slight hill to the bamboo bridge about 200 feet away. There is a large grouping of wooden buckets next to the bridge entrance. Sansa frowns, picking one up.]

Sansa, disappointed - No handles? Crap. [She holds up the bucket. It’s almost two feet in diameter, sanded down and shaped from a single piece of wood.]


[Sandor bends down, picking one up and turning it over in his hands as he stands back up.] 

Sandor, disapproving - This is what they use? This is a fucking bowl. Do handles offend their god, too?

[Sansa tries not to smile as she shakes her head, smacking him lightly in the stomach. He sighs, gesturing for her to go first onto the bridge. Sandor ducks under the beam of wood at the entrance, following her. She looks back at him as she walks out over the river.]

Sansa, resigned - Well, there goes my plan. I was just going to find a big stick for you and hang a bunch of buckets on it. If we loaded you up right, we’d be done in one trip.

Sandor, amused - Oh I see, so I’m just your pack mule.

Sansa, laughing - Well, you are a bit of an ass.

[Sandor raises his eyebrows in surprise.]

Sandor, scoffing - Did my maiden ears just hear the Princess actually fucking curse?

Sansa, innocently - I would never. I merely described an animal. [She flicks her hair over her shoulder with a snooty expression on her face, turning to him as they stop in the middle of the bridge.] And you’re hardly a maiden - you are profane [She pokes him in the chest.] and very tainted. [She raises her chin up to him challengingly.] I won’t let you sully the likes of me.

[Sandor’s eyes darken as he steps closer to her, invading her space as his lips twitch in amusement. She tilts her chin up more, maintaining eye contact as her hand gets pressed between them. He hums lowly, his eyes watching her face. His voice is deep when he talks.]

Sandor, slowly - Hmm. Now that’s a fucking shame to hear.

[He raises his hand, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, dragging his fingers across her neck, over her collarbone as he looks down at her lips.]

Sandor, disappointed - It could’ve been fun. Sullying you.

[Sandor sighs dramatically, shrugging a shoulder as he moves away from her. Sansa’s snooty facade cracks as her hand on his chest grabs his shirt, bunching it in her fingers as she raises herself up on her toes, pulling him back.]

Sansa, quietly - No, don’t. 

[Sandor smirks, bringing his hand up to the back of her neck and pulling her mouth to his. Camera cuts to a wide view and we see Brienne and Tormund standing on the bridge, each holding a bucket in their hands. Tormund is grinning widely, his eyebrows raised and his face interested as he watches Sandor and Sansa kiss heatedly. Brienne’s face is unamused as she clears her throat. Sansa jumps slightly, startled. Sandor furrows his brows as he and Sansa both look over at Brienne and Tormund.]

Tormund, disappointed - Aw, why’d you interrupt them? They might’ve fucked on the bridge! 

Brienne, unbothered - They’re more than welcome to continue if they just move out from in front of the rope. [She gestures to a rope coiled up at Sandor’s feet.]

[Sandor sighs as he leans down, kissing Sansa’s lips again before he steps back, both of their faces disappointed as Sandor bends down to grab the rope, uncoiling it as he stands again. There is a crudely woven net on one end, big enough for the bucket to fit in, a thick braid of rope meant to hook under the top lip. Sandor puts his in, checking that it’s secure before lowering the rope down into the water below. Brienne’s face is skeptical.]

Brienne, disbelieving - This is their process to get water for elephants? [She turns the bucket over in her hands, eyeing it.] It doesn’t seem very efficient. 

[Sandor grunts, agreeing as he pulls the rope back up, the water sloshing slightly as he leans down to grab the bucket when it gets high enough. Sansa hands him her empty bucket and he takes it, putting the full one in her arms with one hand. Sansa leans back slightly to compensate for the weight, shifting her arms to move the bucket in a more comfortable spot across her forearms. She gestures over to the troughs with her chin.]

Sansa - I’m gonna start walking this back. [Sandor nods as Sansa steps around him, nodding gratefully to Brienne and Tormund when they move to the side out of her way. Camera follows Sansa as she makes her way back to the trough. She stops walking, squinting up at the clouds as big raindrops begin to fall.]

Sandor, angrily, off-camera - Fucking red witch!

[Camera cuts to Melisandre as she looks out over the lake, smirking as rain pours down from the sky. Davos is behind her, kneeling on the floor beside the tea cup rows. His stack of empty cups on the side has doubled. Camera cuts to a wide shot and we see Jon leaning forward, looking into the cups carefully. He has one empty cup next to him. Ygritte is on the other side of the cup grid, picking up one at random and downing the contents quickly. She checks the bottom and shrugs, putting it down and picking up another one. She has eight empty cups next to her. The Voda is sitting now, his legs crossed as he watches them from his spot beside the small table, his face amused.]

[Camera cuts to Davos as he looks over at Jon curiously.]

Davos - I would’ve thought you’d be out carrying the water. 

[Ygritte laughs off-camera as Jon sits up, his face uncomfortable. Camera cuts to a wide group shot and we see Ygritte grinning widely at Jon, her eyebrows raised expectantly. Jon sighs, waiting a moment before he reluctantly speaks.]

Jon, nonchalantly - I just don’t want to go out to the elephants. 

Ygritte, amused - I already told you you’d probably be safe, Jon.

Jon, to Ygritte, defensive - But you don’t know that! Not for sure! [He looks over at Davos.] They’re too big to risk it. 

[Davos tries to hide a smile as he nods his head at Jon, agreeing.]

Melisandre, to Jon - You made the correct choice, Jon. There’s a fire inside of you that will draw many beings to your essence. 

[The Voda hides a smile, looking down at his lap with his lips pursed as Jon looks over to Ygritte, his face worried.]

[Camera cuts back to the grassy field as Sandor dumps the water from his bucket inside his and Sansa’s trough.There’s a plastic film over our frame but we can still see that it’s pouring rain, everyone’s clothes completely soaked through as they all move around. Sansa is setting out buckets around their trough, smiling as she sees them already collecting a lot of water. Brienne and Tormund are quickly setting out their own buckets around their trough in the background. Sansa stands, nodding satisfactorily at her work. Sandor nods to her, his face proud as they both turn to walk back to the bridge, Sandor carrying his bucket back with him in one hand. Their voices are raised when they speak so they can hear each other over the rain.]

Sansa - The rain isn’t all bad, I mean, we could be done soon if it keeps up. [Sandor nods, agreeing.]

Sandor, - If I had your help stacking them in my arms, I think I could carry a few back at once, too. We could be done in one more trip. 

[Sansa eyes the ground as they walk, her face unsure. Camera pans down to show them stepping on wet sodden grass with mud beginning to form in some places. Sandor scoffs when he sees her face, offended.]

Sandor, imitating Sansa - ‘I think I know how to walk down a hill.’ [He laughs when Sansa rolls her eyes, pointing a finger up at him.]

Sansa - Ok, first of all, it’s rude to imitate people. 

Sandor, laughing - You imitate me all the time, and you do a shit job, too. I sound nothing like that.

Sansa, continuing - SECOND of all, you would be walking up a muddy hill carrying buckets of water in the pouring rain. Totally different. 

[Camera changes angle as they arrive at the bridge. Sandor holds up the bucket already in his hand.]

Sandor - This is a fucking bowl, not a bucket. And I carried three cheese wheels, and those were way fucking heavier. [He hands the bucket out to her and she takes it, rolling her eyes. He bends down, stacking three on top of each other and bringing them over to the bridge, ducking under the entrance beam as Sansa follows him.]

[Camera zooms out to show Brienne and Tormund approaching the bridge, each with a bucket in their hands. They both duck under the entrance beam, Brienne furrowing her brows as she gestures to Sandor and Sansa’s small stack of buckets.]

Brienne, loudly over the rain - This hardly seems fair. 

[Sandor looks over his shoulder as he quickly lowers the first bucket down to the river.]

Sandor, challengingly - Is it in the rules that we can’t? [He smirks as Brienne purses her lips, thinking. Sandor pulls up the first bucket, reaching over the railing and unhooking it from the rope. He leans over, setting the full bucket down on the bridge. Sansa squats, holding onto it and handing Sandor an empty one from their stack. He takes it, nodding at her gratefully as he stands, attaching it to the rope and lowering it down to the river quickly. Brienne frowns, gesturing to Sandor.] 

Brienne, matter-of-fact - You’re hogging the rope. 

[Sandor scoffs as he pulls the second bucket back up. He gestures with his chin back to the stack of buckets by the bridge entrance as he begins the process to switch out the bucket again, loading up another bucket as Sansa squats next to him, holding onto the two full ones.]

Sandor - We left more bowls over there for you, you can do it too.

[Brienne holds the bucket in her hand up, her face confused.]

Brienne - I thought the Cymmeri people called this a bucket?

[Sansa laughs loudly as Sandor shakes his head, lowering the third bucket into the water. Brienne makes a frustrated noise, turning around.]

Brienne, annoyed - Tormund, I thi- Tormund? 

[Camera pans around, showing an empty space next to Brienne, rain pouring down and hitting the bridge. She walks to the edge of the bridge, looking around, her face worried. She cups her hands around her mouth, yelling loudly.]

Brienne, alarmed - Tormund?! 

[We hear a piercing whistle off-camera. Camera pans down, showing a 10-foot sharp drop down to the river. Tormund is looking up at Brienne, carrying two buckets full of water towards the edge of the drop, two more down by the river.]

Tormund - Brienne! Here, take these! 

[Brienne ducks under the beam, coming around to the edge of the drop and quickly kneeling, reaching towards Tormund as he lifts one bucket up high above his head. Brienne grabs the lip of the bucket, sitting up and putting it on the ground next to her before she reaches down for the other one. Her face is beaming at Tormund as he grins, turning to get the other two buckets.]

[Camera cuts to a wide angle. We see Sandor on the bridge, lowering down his fourth bucket as he yells down to Tormund.]

Sandor - You cheating cunt!

[Tormund giggles, yelling back up at Sandor.]

Tormund, imitating Sandor - Is it in the rules that we can’t?! 

[Sandor shakes his head incredulously as he flips Tormund off. Tormund laughs loudly, bending down to pick up the two buckets by the river.] 

[Camera cuts back to Sandor as he quickly pulls up the fourth bucket.]

Sandor, amused but rushed - Fuck, we need to move. I don’t want that Northern cunt to win. 

[Sansa frowns, looking up at Sandor from her spot down by the full bowls. She has to yell loudly for him to hear over the rain.]

Sansa, offended - Hey! I’m Northern, you dick! 

[Sandor barks a laugh as he unhooks the fourth bucket, holding it in his hands as he gestures for her to lift the others into his arms. Sansa frowns but stands up with a bucket, stacking it roughly in his arms.]

Sandor, amused - Ok, ‘dick’ definitely counts as a curse, Princess, an-

[Sansa interrupts as she bends down for the third bucket.]

Sansa, primly - It’s anatomy, not a curse! 

Sandor, continuing - and you aren’t a Northern cunt. But you do have one. [He waggles his eyebrows, grinning widely as Sansa looks up at him, her face shocked. She scoffs as she stands, shoving the last bucket into his arms hard enough he has to step back to keep his balance. He laughs hard, his eyes gleaming.]

Sandor, teasing - It’s just anatomy, Sansa!

[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund, four full buckets next to Brienne as she reaches down to Tormund with an open hand. He grabs it and she pulls him back up as he uses his feet and other hand to climb up onto the grass where she is. He lands next to her roughly, kneeling on his hands and knees as he laughs, Brienne sitting in the grass next to him, panting. He sits back on his legs, looking over at Brienne, speaking loudly as the rain continues to pour.]

Tormund, pleased - That’s wha- Brienne? What’s wrong? [He crawls closer to her, pushing her hair back from her forehead. She’s looking at him with furrowed brows, her face angry.]

Brienne - I thought you were dead! That you had fallen off the bridge or, or - I don’t know! But you weren’t there when I turned around! 

Tormund, laughing - Brienne, I’m not going to die from falling down a little ledge.

[Brienne shakes her head, closing her eyes and wiping the water from her face. She opens her eyes, looking at Tormund.]

Brienne, annoyed - No, Tormund, You weren’t there. And I didn’t like it. 

[Tormund widens his eyes, an eyebrow raises in question. Brienne swallows, nodding and Tormund leans forward immediately, grabbing the front of her shirt and pulling her towards him roughly. Brienne tilts her head right as he crashes his lips to hers, bringing her hands up on top of his shoulders, pulling him towards her. Tormund pushes his body on top of hers and she lays down on the soaked ground, dragging him down on top of her. She wraps one of her legs around his, breaking their kiss to roll him over, laying on top of him, both of them now laying in mud. Tormund howls, loudly, happily, making Brienne jolt with shock. She grins widely as he howls again, her cheeks turning pink.]

[Camera changes angles to show Sandor and Sansa walking by them carrying their buckets. Sansa stops, her face shocked as she looks down at them. Tormund looks over at her from under Brienne, his hands on her waist and their legs tangled in the mud.]

Tormund, ecstatic - SHE LOVES ME BACK! 

[Brienne laughs, shaking her head as she looks down at him fondly. He leans up towards her, grinning as she lowers her mouth to his.]

[Camera cuts to Ygritte in the tea room as she sets another empty cup down in her sizable stack. We hear a faint howl in the distance and she looks out over the lake, her face confused.]

Ygritte, puzzled - Did you guys hear that?

[We hear another howl as Davos furrows his brows, shaking his head no, placing another cup in his growing pile. Jon nods, looking out over the lake curiously with a cup in his hands, more empty ones at his side. Melisandre smiles, turning to look at Ygritte.]

Melisandre - The rage has watered seeds planted from the beginning. 

[Jon and Ygritte look at each other, both shrugging. Davos picks up another cup, holding it in his hand as he looks over at Melisandre.]

Davos, happily - Oh, Brienne finally came around? [Melisandre nods, smiling as she bends down to pick up Davos’s bag and walks towards him.] That is fantastic news! How good for them! [He smiles to himself as he lifts the cup up high above his head, looking at the bottom.] Hey, I found it! 

[Camera cuts back to Sandor carrying three buckets stacked in his arms, his eyes narrowing and his face annoyed as he stops in the grassy field, the rain around him slowing to a light drizzle. We see Sansa coming up behind him carrying one bucket in her hands, smiling widely as she walks quickly up to his side.]

Sansa, cheerily - I can’t even believe it, I didn’t see that comi- [She stops walking, looking off-camera with wide eyes, her mouth open.]

[Sandor sighs as Camera changes angles, showing all four troughs filled with water, the light rain making ripples on the surface. The buckets on the ground are all filled to the brim, slowly overflowing onto the grass and mud. Camera cuts to Sandor as he sets his buckets down on the ground roughly, putting his hands on his hips. We hear a snort from off-camera.]

[Camera zooms out to show Sansa laughing, covering her mouth with both hands, her bucket on the ground, tipped over, the water flowing out into mud. Sansa laughs loudly even as she tries to stifle the noise with her hands. Sandor is facing her, his hands still on his hips as his nostrils flare, his jaw clenched tight in annoyance.]

Sandor, aggravated - We just did all that bullshit for no fucking reason! 

[Sansa snorts again and her eyes close, squeezing tightly as she continues laughing. Sandor looks away from her, shaking his head, his face angry. He stops, noticing the elephants rolling around in the mud happily. He raises his eyebrows, his jaw still clenched as he bends down, grabbing a handful of mud and standing up again.]

[The camera man backs away, our frame showing us under the wooden barn now. Camera zooms in on them both as Sansa looks at Sandor, her face still amused as she holds a hand out, palm facing Sandor.]

Sansa, amused - You wouldn't.

[Sandor smirks, throwing the muddy ball up in the air a couple of inches as he looks at Sansa. Her amusement fades as she backs away, her face concerned as she holds out both hands.]

Sansa, horrified - Sandor, no. No, wait, there could be poop in there. 

[Sandor raises his eyebrows, taking a step towards her.]

Sandor, predatorily - Oh, I’m sure there is. [He throws the mud ball up in the air again as he looks at Sansa, his eyes gleaming. They stare at each other for a moment before Sansa shrieks, running away from Sandor.]

Sandor, loudly - You can’t offend the gods, Sansa! No running!  

[Sansa makes an aggravated noise as she slows to a walk, turning to face Sandor as he grins, throwing the mud at her. It lands on the side of her neck, dripping down into her shirt as she shrieks. She looks up at him, her eyes wide and jaw dropped.]

Sansa, appalled - I can’t believe you just did that! Sandor, it’s in my BRA! [She reaches up, pulling her shirt away from her body while making a disgusted face. Sandor laughs again, bending down to grab another handful of mud as Sansa yells out, her face alarmed as she bends down to get her own mud ball. She stands up, mud dripping from a huge mountain of muck in her hand as she eyes Sandor challengingly. Sandor has mud in his hand as he takes another step towards her. She shrieks, flinging the muck towards Sandor, hitting him square in the temple, goop dripping down his face. He brings a hand up, wiping the mud from his eyes, spitting it out onto the ground. He looks up at her, his face incredulous. Sansa looks shocked.]

Sandor, calmly - Oh, you are so dead. 

[Sansa shrieks again as Sandor takes two quick steps towards her, grabbing her arm as she feebly tries to walk away from him. She laughs wildly as Sandor pulls her down on top of him to the ground, rolling so she’s underneath him, laying fully in a huge puddle of mud. He takes a handful of it, rubbing it across her collarbones as she takes two handfuls, smushing them onto both sides of his head, rubbing it into his hair, cackling wildly.]

[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund as they walk up to the troughs, their fingers interlaced as the rain finally stops. They’re streaked with mud, bits of grass clinging to them and both of their hair in severe disarray. Brienne has a muddy handprint on one breast. Brienne looks over to Sansa and Sandor as they stand in a puddle, circling each other with handfuls of mud, both completely covered head to toe in brown sludge. Sansa screams with laughter as she tackles Sandor, Sandor yelling as he falls back with a muddy splash.]

Brienne, disapproving - Now that’s just unsanitary. 


[Camera cuts to Davos and Melisandre as they walk up a staircase curving up a mountain. Melisandre is in front, walking easily up the stairs, stopping every few steps as Davos stops to catch his breath.]

Davos, apologetically - This altitude, I’m sorry, it’s making it so hard for me to breathe. [He bends over, his hands on his knees as he takes deep breaths.]

Melisandre, unworried - We have plenty of time. Our competitors clash in the mire. 

[Davos stands, nodding for her to continue. He follows behind her, grimacing.]

Davos, disgusted - I hope they realize there’s probably high amounts of elephant poop in there. 

[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as they stand in the barn in front of the villagers, their clothes and hair saturated and dripping with mud. Sansa nods primly to the villager holding out their clue envelope, taking it with a nod as a clump of goop falls from her arm down to the wooden floor, plopping with a small splash that hits the villager’s feet. Sansa looks down at the mess, her mouth open, face horrified.]

Sansa, appalled - I am so sorry. [She looks up at the villagers.] Thank you so much for having us. We um.. I hope we helped with the elephants.

[Sandor scoffs, laughing as she nods gratefully to the villagers, pushing Sandor over to their backpacks, walking away quickly as she whispers to him furiously. He laughs louder as they exit the frame.] 

[Our frame lowers as the camera man sets the camera down on the ground, facing the villagers. We see them looking down at the mess left behind on the floor as the camera man removes the plastic film clouding the lens. We hear plastic crinkling as a woman smacks a young man on the back of the head, her face irritated as she yells at him in rapid Dothraki. He protests, his face unhappy as he grabs a mop. She yells at him again, pointing towards the back of the barn.]

[Subtitles for Angry Woman read - “Now you’ll be the one to clean all this up!”]

[Subtitles for Whiny Man read - “It’s not my fault it rained!”]

[Subtitles for Angry Woman read - “No, but it was your stupid idea of a joke to switch the buckets with the serving bowls. And after you’re done cleaning, you’re going to tell the Voda you used her favorite set!”

[The man groans, his posture slouching as we hear the camera man laugh, picking up the camera again, our frame jostling as he settles it back in position. The frame pans over to the back of the barn, zooming in on a stack of wooden buckets with rope handles.]

[Camera frame swivels quickly as we walk outside the barn over to Sansa and Sandor. Sandor is shirtless, unbuttoning his shorts. They fall to the ground with a thunk, caked in half-dry mud. He steps out of them, throwing them on top of his muddy shirt with his foot. Sansa peels her muddy shirt up over her head, already having taken off her shorts. She shucks it to the ground on top of his clothes as they both kneel down to their bags in their underwear, barefoot.]

Sandor, laughing - I’m just saying, they didn’t understand a fucking word you said. [He pulls out a new pair of shorts, putting them on and buttoning them quickly. Sansa pulls out her own shirt and shorts, dropping her shirt on top of her bag to put her shorts on first.]

Sansa, defensively - Well I had to say something! We left behind a total mess! And now we’re probably in last place all due to your completely childish actions. [She looks up at him pointedly, eyes wide with her eyebrows raised and mouth pursed.]

[Sandor squats down, digging some fresh socks out of his bag, sitting on the grass with them in his hand. He looks up at her, smiling as he puts them on.]

Sandor, teasing - You’re kind of cute when you’re all bossy and covered in mud. [He eyes her up and down, raising his eyebrows appreciatively as his gaze lingers on her mud covered chest in just a sports bra.] 

[She rolls her eyes, bending down to grab her shirt and pull it over her head.]

Sansa  - Gods, will you focus? Did you hear what I said? We could be in last! [She bends down, picking up the envelope from the ground and waving it in the air.]

[Sandor hums, face amused as he mutters ‘so feisty’ as he puts his boots on, tying them quickly. Sansa glares at him and he laughs, gesturing for her to open the envelope as he looks down, tucking the laces down into his boots. She makes a frustrated noise, tearing the envelope open and pulling the papers out, reading aloud.]

Sansa, annoyed - Pit Stop. 


[Camera cuts to Petyr walking along a large flat ledge, green rocky mountains with clouds floating by behind him. He has a bright red handprint on his face.]

Petyr, wincing - The view from the Andalos Mountains is incomparable to any other mountain range found in Essos, with rocky cliffs, green trees and low clouds in every direction. The highest plateau can be found here, on Mount Pico, [He gestures around him] Teams will need to navigate themselves to meet me on the legendary Pit Stop Mat. The last team to arrive.. may be eliminated.


[Camera cuts to the Tea Room. The Voda is sitting on the floor, his legs out in front of him, ankles crossed as he leans back against a wall. His face is patient as he watches Jon and Ygritte, three cups on the table next to him. Jon is kneeling in the middle of an empty spot in the tea cups, Ygritte sitting next to him. Jon picks up another cup, holding it out to Ygritte. She leans down, looking at the bottom.]

Ygritte - No.

[Jon sighs, raising the cup up and downing the tea in one gulp. He rolls the cup over to the side, the cup making a small ‘clink’ as it hits a giant pile of cups. Jon reaches out, picking another one up and holding it out to Ygritte. She leans down, tilting her head. Her eyes widen as she grabs his wrist, looking more intently at the bottom of the cup.]

Ygritte, excited - Jon! 

[Jon breaks out in a smile as he looks over at Ygritte, her face beaming at him.]

[Camera cuts to a view of the mountain peak as Melisandre and Davos climb up the last steps, smiling as they take in the view.]


[We see Petyr waiting on the mat, the wind blowing his hair slightly as he winces, reaching up to touch his cheek gently. Melisandre and Davos walk over to him, Davos panting heavily.]

Petyr, reassuring - Davos, Melisandre, I can see you’re both incredibly worried about me. [He cradles his cheek in his hand.] I just want to let you know that I’ll be perfectly fine. I was.. viciously attacked for no reason at all. [Davos looks over at Melisandre, raising an eyebrow in question and she shakes her head at him. Davos nods as Petyr clears his throat, narrowing his eyes at them before putting a plastic smile on his face.] With that unpleasantness out of the way, I am pleased to tell you you are the first team to arrive, and therefore one of the final three teams competing in the finale! 

[Melisandre turns to Davos, her face happy as she puts her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. He reaches up, squeezing her forearm briefly before they drop their arms, both looking quite pleased.]

Davos, shocked - I just can’t believe we’ve made it this far.  [He turns to look at Melisandre again and she nods at him, smiling.]

Petyr, shrugging - I can’t really either. 

Davos, amused - I thought we were goners the first week! 

Petyr, agreeing - I know! I actually bet a lot of money that you guys would be eliminated first.

Davos, amused - And I never would’ve thought I could keep up with all these young people!

Petyr, baffled - Frankly, every second you don’t keel over from a heart attack is just shocking to me.

Davos, frowning - Wait, what?

Petyr, eyes wide, face innocent - Hmm?


[Frame cuts to a slightly hidden view. Camera is perched on a ledge, pointing at a bridge connecting two rock walls on the mountain. Brienne stops walking on the bridge, leaning over the side as she breathes in deeply. Tormund stops next to her, both of their bags on his back as he gazes adoringly at her.]

Tormund, affectionately - My island woman and her sea-level lungs. 

[Brienne laughs humorlessly.]

Brienne, panting heavily - My sea-level lungs are killing us right now. 

Tormund - I could carry you. I’ll take your body on top of mine however I can get it. [He wiggles his eyebrows at her.]

[Brienne laughs, shaking her head.]

Brienne - No one’s carried me since I was twelve. I’ll be fine, I just needed to stop a second.]

[Brienne stands, breathing in deeply as she gestures for them to continue.]

[Sansa and Sandor enter the frame, both walking at a fast pace, Sansa behind Sandor, panting slightly. She smiles apologetically at Brienne and Tormund as she and Sandor pass them, Sandor reaching over to grab the handle on Sansa’s bag. She slips her arms through her straps as they both enter the tunnel, Sandor wearing Sansa’s bag on his front when they emerge from the other side, walking faster now. Brienne looks over at Tormund, her face stressed as they both start walking, entering the tunnel. They emerge from the other side, holding hands tightly as they exit the frame. After a few moments, we see Jon and Ygritte walking quickly across the bridge side by side.]

Jon, sighing - At the next bush we need to make a stop.

Ygritte, amused - Again?

[Jon looks over at her, narrowing his eyes playfully. Ygritte laughs as they disappear into the tunnel.]

[Frame cuts into thirds as we see all the teams making their way up the mountain. Sansa is panting as she walks up a set of stairs, Sandor still carrying both bags as he follows her. Tormund is carrying Brienne easily over his shoulder, her face unamused as he turns around a bend, their bags left behind on the ground behind them. Jon is walking back to the path, zipping up his shorts as he joins Ygritte, both continuing to walk up the mountain.]

[Camera cuts to Petyr waiting on the Pit Stop mat. Sansa and Sandor enter the frame, Sansa smiling widely as they step on the mat. They’re in clean clothes but sweaty now, mud streaked across their faces and clumped in their hair. Petyr gags immediately, leaving the frame.]

[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Camera frame cuts to slightly later in the day. Sansa and Sandor are sitting beside the mat, leaning against a tree with their bags at their feet. Jon and Ygritte are laying on their sides on the ground, stacking stones in a tower. Jon smiles as Ygritte makes the stack fall trying to place a stone on top. Brienne and Tormund are standing, Brienne’s arms crossed, facing away from Camera. They both look over as Lyanna walks into the frame, sliding her headphones down from her ears as she addresses the group. “Ok, guys, sorry for the hold-up. Petyr claims to be ‘violently ill and unable to perform his contractual obligations’” She rolls her eyes. “but I just got word that someone else is on the way now to check you in.” Brienne furrows her brows, turning fully towards Lyanna. “Is someone allowed to do that? I thought it had to be the host.” Lyanna grins at Brienne. “Oh, I assure you, she’s earned the honor.”]]


[Camera cuts to the top of the mountain as the sun begins to go down behind the Voda with the blue wool, her hands clasped in front of her as she stands on the Pit Stop Mat. The teams are all standing in front of her and she smiles easily at the group, nodding to Sandor and Sansa as she speaks.]

Voda - You are recorded as the second pair. [Sansa looks up at Sandor, dried mud cracking around her eyes as she beams up at him. Sandor smirks back, amused as he looks over her muck-covered hair and face. The Voda turns to Brienne and Tormund, nodding respectfully as she addresses them.]

Voda - You are recorded as the third pair. [Tormund looks over at Brienne, grinning widely as she smiles back at him.] I am to tell you that you have lost use of your items for the duration of the journey, since you did not arrive at this mat with them. [Brienne grimaces as she looks down at her muddy clothes, nodding reluctantly at the Voda. Tormund shrugs, unbothered.] 

[The Voda turns to Jon and Ygritte, frowning.]

Voda, remorseful - I have sorrow when I tell you that you are no longer a part of this journey. [Jon and Ygritte nod to her, both of their faces disappointed. Jon sighs, shaking his head.]

Jon, disappointed - I just hate that I let her down, we should’ve just done the elephant one. I .. this is my fault. [He looks over at Ygritte.] I’m so sorry that I’ve wasted this opportunity for you.

[Ygrite smiles at Jon, her eyes soft as she looks at him. She turns to him, raising her hand and rubbing her thumb across his cheekbone.]

Ygritte - You know nothing, Jon Snow. 

[The Voda’s frown disappears as she looks at Jon and Ygritte, her mouth forming a small smile as she looks off-camera.]

Voda - You did not mention the premise of this competition was that the pairs were in love. That is enjoyable. 

Sansa, laughing - No, [She gestures to everyone.] we were actually paired up as strangers, love has nothing to do with it.

[The Voda tilts her head, her face thoughtful as she considers Sansa. She looks over at Sandor as she hums curiously.] 

Voda, vaguely - So you say. [She steps back, gesturing behind her.] I am also to tell you that this is where you will be sleeping for the night. 

[Camera pans behind the Voda, showing a copse of trees towards the back of the plateau. The Voda leads the group over behind the trees, Camera changing angles to show us eight tents with wooden frames all circled around a lit fire pit. Melisandre nods to them as Davos smiles and waves, both of them sitting on the ground next to the fire.] 


[The flaps of the tents are pulled back, showing a thick pallet of blankets and furs that spans the entire floor space.]

Voda, continuing - As our guests, we choose to honor you with the highest view of our country. 

[She bows respectfully at the contestants, everyone returning it gratefully. The Voda turns to Jon and Ygritte.]

Voda - Though you are no longer competing, you are also invited to stay the night as our guests.

[Jon and Ygritte thank her graciously, moving over to the tents with the rest of the group. Sansa walks up to the Voda, her face guilty as Sandor stands behind her.]

Sansa, stressed - You’ve done such a kind thing, hosting us, and I left a complete mess back at the barn. I’m so sorry, I’ll.. I’ll wake up early in the morning and clean it immediately.

[The Voda reaches out, putting a hand on Sansa’s shoulder.]

Voda, reassuring - The mess has been cleared by a very deserving villager, do not worry about it any longer. [Her face amused as her eyes look over the mud caked on Sansa and Sandor.] I will also tell you there is a mountain river just down this path. [She gestures past the trees.] It is quite shallow and cold b-

Sansa, excited, relieved - Oh, please excuse me! [Sansa exits the frame immediately as Sandor laughs, leaning down to grab their bags as he follows her.]


- - - 


Sansa and Sandor walked back up the path to their sleeping area for the night, both of them shining a flashlight to illuminate the ground in front of their bare feet. “I didn’t think I would ever love bathing in a shallow mountain stream in my underwear, much less with my brother and six practical strangers surrounding me but gods, that was heavenly.” She looked over at him, smiling, her skin and hair all scrubbed clean.

Sandor scoffed, dropping his bag down roughly in front of a tent, his wet hair hitting his shoulders, leaving water marks on his shirt.“Oh, so I’m just a stranger now?”

Sansa stood next to the tent beside his, holding her bag. “Hmm, no. I said practical strangers, we’re at least a step up from total strangers.” She smiled as she leaned down to look into her tent. “These look cozy.” She stood back up, looking over at Sandor as he quickly turned around, kneeling to mess with his bag. 

He squinted, eyes intensely focused on his fingernail scratching at a patch of dried mud on the front pocket, his voice too casual. “Yeah, it looks like a good place to pass the fuck out until morning. Are you heading to bed?” She rolled her eyes, walking over to him.

She bent down, putting her mouth close to his ear. “That depends.” 

He jerked slightly with surprise as he turned to face her, his brows furrowed. “Depends on what?” 

She stood up straight, kicking her foot lightly against the wooden frame of his tent. “On if we can move this away from the group or not.” 

He stood up, his hands on his hips as he narrowed his eyes warily at her. “Why would we need to do that?” 

Sansa shrugged her shoulder. “Well, I just think we’ve traumatized Jon enough. He doesn’t need to hear us try out some of the things I’ve been thinking of doing with you.” 

Sansa smiled as Sandor’s eyes widened, his hands dropping from his hips as he bent down, grabbing the pallet of furs and blankets and yanking them out of the tent. He stood up, gesturing to the other end of the tent. “Grab that end, I already scoped out a perfect spot.” 

- - - 

Sansa smiled as she sat in their tent in the new location, a smaller copse of trees on the other end of the plateau. Their flashlights were propped up in two corners, illuminating the space as Sandor threw their sleeping pallet materials into the tent one piece at a time, smacking her in the face as she tried to catch them.

“Sandor! Wh-mmmpf! Sandor, will you slow down?” She laughed, removing a blanket from her head.

He poked his head inside the tent flap. “ Fuck no.” He disappeared, throwing in a pelt of fur, making her laugh again.

“Why are you in such a hurry?” She looked down at the mess in their tent, trying to lay everything straight again into some semblance of a bed.

Sandor ducked down through the flap, his hands full of blankets as he stepped into the tent. “I feel like that’s pretty fucking obvious.” He kneeled down on the pile of fabric and furs, spreading out his armful messily. “Because you’re likely going to be naked soon.” 

She laughed, shaking her head. “Have you never seen a naked girl before or something? It’s really not that exciting.” She lifted up a pelt of fur, putting it down towards the head of the pallet.

He shrugged a shoulder, eyes focused on his hands as he worked to straighten out the blankets. “Yeah, but I haven’t seen you naked before.” He leaned forward on his closed fists, looking over at her. “That makes me pretty fucking excited.”

She looked up at him, her smile growing as she considered what he said. She dropped a blanket from her hands and crawled over the pallet to him on her hands and knees. She sat up, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his mouth down to hers and he wrapped his hands around her back immediately, pulling her body flat against his. 

“Mmfw-ait.” Her voice was muffled against his lips as she pushed her hands against his chest lightly. He pulled back, loosening his grip as he looked down at her, his brows furrowed. 

“I just wanted to tell you.. I’m excited too.” She smiled up at him, running her hands across his shoulders as he smiled back slowly.

His eyes watched hers as he ran his hands down her back, over her ass to the back of her thighs. She yelped when he pulled her legs up, making her body fall back roughly on their bed. He smirked, leaning over her with one hand up by her head, the other resting on her leg, his thumb grazing her thigh.

He leaned down, his mouth stopping just short of kissing her so his lips moved against hers as he spoke. “I’ve been excited to taste you since you swam in that fucking lake.” 

“Oh.” Sansa looked up at him, her lips parting in surprise, her eyes almost crossing as they tried to focus on his. 

“Can I?” He lowered his head down, tugging her bottom lip gently with his teeth as he waited for her answer. 

“Ye-yes.” Her breath stuttered as he hummed, moving his body down hers. Sansa closed her eyes, her heart racing as she felt him move her shirt up, bunching it under her chest, his fingertips running along the skin on her stomach. He dragged his fingers down, tucking them into the waistband of her shorts, pulling them off her legs but leaving her panties on. 

She felt her cheeks blush as he spread her legs, propping them up on his shoulders as he knelt down, his hands wrapped around her thighs. She could feel his hot breath on her center and she shifted her hips, feeling herself getting wetter as she tried to push against his mouth, hearing him laugh lowly.

She raised her head, looking down to see his eyes looking straight up at hers as he leaned forward, his mouth opening against her in a lazy kiss. She dropped her head back down on the bed, muttering oh gods as he hummed, mouthing her through the fabric slowly. 

She moaned, closing her eyes as she arched her back, her hips tilting into his mouth as he swiped her slit with his tongue. She squirmed, moving her hands to pull her panties down, needing more contact. He lifted his head up, smirking as he swatted her hands away.

He tucked two fingertips into the waistband of her panties above her thigh, looking up at her. “Do you like these?”

She shook her head emphatically. “No, I hate them. Get rid of them.” 

He laughed as he dropped his shoulder, one of her legs falling to the bed as he brought his other hand up, ripping one side of her panties and dragging them down her other leg. She kicked them off, flinging them away as she reached down, pulling Sandor back down by his shirt and putting her leg back up on her shoulder. 

Sandor .” She bucked her hips up towards his face.

“So bossy, Sansa.” He smirked, settling himself down on his stomach between her legs, his eyes falling to her naked lips. She whined, squirming impatiently. He put one hand against her hip, holding her still as he brought the other under her thigh to her center, dragging two fingers down her slit slowly, making her moan. 

Oh, gods..” Her breath stuttered as she looked down at him. He was watching his own fingers circle her entrance, his eyes dark. The sight made a drugged buzz start building in her body and she bucked her hips into his hand. 

“Sandor, your mouth. I want your mouth.” 

He smiled, moving his hand and lowering his mouth to her, flattening his tongue against her slit in a broad stroke. He dipped into her entrance, lapping at her before dragging his tongue up and circling her clit. Her hum of approval quickly turned into a moan, her hands coming down to his hair, her fingers pulling it slightly as she bucked her hips steadily, fucking his face. He brought two fingers up, making a wide circle on her slit twice before dipping down into her, curling his fingers as his tongue flicked across her clit. 

“Yes , yes , do that. Oh, fuck .” She squeezed her eyes tight, her back arching as she felt her body building, on the verge of losing control. He ate her, his tongue swiping against her clit as he pumped his fingers steadily, her legs beginning to shake as she moaned. 

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.” She brought a hand above her head, fisting the blankets as she tilted her head back, her hips losing their steady rhythm as they bucked into his mouth wildly. He twisted his fingers inside her, curling them, working her body with this tongue until she broke. 

She gasped his name as she came, her body shuddering, arching as she moaned loudly, lost to the world as liquid fire flooded her senses. He continued to lap at her, his motions picking up speed to see her through her orgasm until her body collapsed back against the bed. 

He licked her slowly, tasting her, until she reached down, pushing his head away, her hips shifting away from his mouth as she whimpered.

She looked down at him, her face flushed, eyes half-lidded as she smiled lazily at him. “Too sensitive.” She stretched her hand out to him. “Come here.” 

He smiled, crawling up her body, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand as he laid down next to her, his head propped up on his elbow, looking down at her. She rolled onto her side, facing him as she curled an arm under her head and threw her leg over his hip, looking up at him happily. 

“That’s it, you’re sullied.” He sighed dramatically as he brought his hand to her skin, running his fingers down the curve of her ass, his hand squeezing the back of her thigh before going up again.

She laughed, raising an eyebrow. “That’s it, huh? It was fantastic, for sure but.. I was kind of interested in a bit more.” She pulled his shirt up slightly, brushing her fingertips against the skin right above his waistband.

He laughed. “Oh, there will definitely be more, I’m talking about your bullshit prim and proper manners.” His eyes gleamed triumphantly. “You said ‘fuck’ right before you came.”

She gasped, pushing his shoulder, making him roll onto his back as he laughed. She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips as she leaned forward, her hands on his chest. “I beg your pardon, I did not!

Sandor scoffed, rolling his eyes as his hands ran up her thighs. “Oh, I won’t be forgetting the sounds you just made anytime soon. It was right before ‘don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.’” He smirked as she blushed, running his hands up to the hem of her shirt, snaking his fingertips under it to touch her lips again. “Fuck, you’re still soaked.” 

She shuddered as his thumb found her clit, her eyes closing as she tried to concentrate. Her voice came out less forcefully than she wanted. “Well, even if I did, oh, gods, yes there, it still wo-wouldn’t count.” She hummed, her hips naturally tilting to welcome his touch as he increased the pressure on her clit. She could feel him hard beneath her, through his pants, and she rocked her hips once against him, making him groan. “Heat of passion and such.”

“Is there some, oh fuck.. bullshit manual you get these rules from?” Sandor started to lose focus, closing his eyes as she rocked against him again. She tilted her head as she looked down at him, smirking.


“Mm-hmm?” He looked up at her, his eyes widening as she lifted her shirt over her head, throwing it to the side. She peeled off her sports bra and flung it somewhere as his eyes dropped down to her naked breasts. She leaned forward, putting her hands on his chest, her eyes dark. 

“Sully me again.”

He sat up fully in one motion, pulling her chest to his, their lips meeting hungrily. She opened her mouth to him immediately, swiping her tongue against his as she ground her hips down against him, making him groan.

She pulled frantically at his shirt, bunching it up across his chest until he leaned back slightly, pulling it up over his head and throwing it. He put his hand on the back of her neck, his other going to her lower back, fingers grazing her spine as he rolled them over, his body laying between her legs. 

He kissed her, biting her lower lip, dragging his hand across her ribs as he pulled away, rolling over onto his back and lifting his hips so he could pull his shorts and underwear down, kicking them off his legs.

She eyed his erection hungrily as it stood proudly, the head seeping and swollen. She moaned, her lower stomach tightening, when he brought his hand around himself, pumping once. Her eyes flicked up to his - he was smirking, watching her reaction as he touched himself, pumping his hand slowly. She raised her eyebrow, smirking back as she sat up and moved to his side on her knees. 

She watched him for a moment, considering her options before she swatted his hand away and threw her leg over his hips, straddling him with his erection between her lips, not inside her yet. He hissed through his teeth, his head tilted back and his hands holding onto her hips tightly as she rocked slowly against him. 

“Your dick is beautiful -”

His voice was strained when he interrupted her weakly. “That’s another curse.”

“- and I need it inside me, if you’d be open to it.”

He laughed humorlessly as he looked up at her. “Yeah, I’m fucking open to it.” He squeezed her hips as she leaned down, kissing his chest, her hips continuing to grind against his erection. He gestured with his chin to the tent entrance. “I have uh..I have.. Fuck, I can’t fucking .. think .” She licked his nipple and he bucked into her, his erection slipping a fraction closer to her entrance, making him groan. “Condoms. In my bag. If we need it.”

She stopped kissing his chest, sitting up and smiling down at him curiously as she paused her hip movements. “You brought condoms on the Race?”

He hummed, the fog lifting from his face a little as he answered her. “No, Bronn. When he left he gave me what he had, said I might need them.” He raised an eyebrow at her, smirking. She moved her hips in a wide circle then, just to torture him. 

He laughed, then groaned, his voice strained as he bucked up into her. “I’m not gonna be able to hold off for much fucking longer so you need to decide.” 

She smiled widely, continuing her hip movements. “I’m on the pill.”

He sighed his relief. “Oh, thank fuck.” 

She lifted herself up and he tilted his hips, his hand guiding himself into her when she lowered herself back down, both of them gasping with the sensation joining.

“Holy shit , you’re fucking tight.” He groaned, bringing his hands back to grip her ass, pulling her tightly against him, burying himself inside her fully. 

Gods, Sandor.” She moaned as she leaned forward, her hands on his chest as she started moving, first lifting herself up and down, then moving her hips in a wide circle. He put his feet flat on the bed, matching her rhythm as he bucked into her.

She tilted her head all the way back, closing her eyes and moaning as she felt him move inside her, filling her completely. She felt his palm against her collarbone, his fingers reaching up to her throat, dragging downwards as she rode him. She gasped when he ran his fingertips over her nipple, circling one breast and moving over to the other side. 

“Your tits are fucking fantastic.” 

She laughed, looking down at him as he watched her breasts bounce slightly with their movements. She gasped again when he pinched her nipples slightly, arching her back and he smirked, sitting up and taking one in his mouth, sucking while he pinched her other nipple. She brought her hands to the back of his head, pulling him closer to her, moaning as her head tilted back again, hissing when he grazed her nipple with his teeth.

She rode him, bucking her hips as he continued to suck her, switching nipples to show the other one the same attention when she felt herself starting to build again. She moaned his name, pressing her hips down harder with each thrust, fucking him as he drug his hand down her back, groaning around her nipple when she picked up speed. 

She could feel her body wanting to release, her orgasm right on the brink, her hips moving frantically, chasing it. She whimpered his name, frustrated.

He let her nipple go with a small pop, bringing his head up to kiss her. She kissed him back eagerly, hungrily, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, whimpering again against his lips. 

He pulled his head back looking at her as she rode him. “What do you need, Sansa?” He ran his fingers down her back, squeezing her ass, rocking his hips into her.

She sighed, leaning her forehead against his, her hips slowing down against him. “I can’t.. It’s right there , it’s just not... I need..  to flip over.” 

He nodded, kissing her, bucking his hips up into her one more time before he squeezed her ass, gesturing for her to move over to the side with his chin. She smiled, climbing off of him and moving beside him, kneeling on her knees, bringing herself down on her elbows, her face turned towards him as she laid her head down on the blankets.

Sandor choked, his eyes going wide as he stared at her, blinking as his gaze moved quickly from her nipples brushing the blankets below her to her ass in the air.

Sansa sat up on her knees, her cheeks pink. “Is this ok?”

Sandor cleared his throat, getting up quickly onto his knees and moving to her side. He kissed her, his hands coming up to cup her face, his fingers reaching back into her hair as he swiped his tongue against her lips. She opened for him, moaning as he sucked her bottom lip in between his, moving his lips against hers eagerly. He hummed as he pulled away from her. 

Fuck yeah. I just thought you meant-” He gestured with his hand, making a horizontal line through the air. 

“Oh, we can do that if you’d like.” She smiled up at him but he laughed, shaking his head no, kissing her once more before moving behind her, his knees nudging her legs so he could settle between them. He put his fingertips on her shoulder blade, pushing her down gently until she was back on her elbows, her ass in the air as she hummed happily. 

She felt him move closer to her, his legs hitting the back of her thighs as his hand guided his head up and down her slit. She moaned, leaning back towards him, tilting her hips up.

He hummed, gripping her hips as he pushed into her, sinking himself fully within her, making her moan as she turned her face down towards the bed. 

“What do you want, Sansa? Smooth and slow or fast and rough?” He rocked his hips slowly, pushing himself in and out of her, running one hand up her spine as she arched into his touch. 

She turned her head to the side, looking at him over her shoulder. “I thought I already told you my answer.”

He raised an eyebrow, smirking as he moved his hand back to her hips, gripping her tightly as he pulled her back, bucking into her hard once, hitting deeply inside her. 

Yessss.. ” She leaned back down, her forehead resting on her forearms as he hummed, pulling her back as his hips snapped forward against her, fucking her roughly, groaning loudly with each thrust. She could feel her body heating up, igniting again as she pushed back against him, matching his pace as his hips canted quickly, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the tent.

Fuck , Sansa. You’re too tight.” She looked back over her shoulder at him, moaning when she saw his eyes intensely focused on where his body entered hers. He pistoned in and out of her rapidly, his brows furrowed and jaw tight. “ Damnit , I’m close.” He closed his eyes, tilting his head back, clenching his jaw, his chest and neck muscles flexing as he kept up his pace.

She moaned, nodding as she dropped her hand down, resting her cheek against the bed as she touched her clit, rubbing tight circles to match his punishing pace. She felt her body shaking, moaning his name loudly as the familiar warmth built up, rising and pushing her higher until it cascaded, her inner walls tightening around him as she came loudly.

She gasped his name, moaning lowly as her senses became overwhelmed, her body igniting, warmth flooding into her limbs. He groaned deeply, his hips slowing as he came, his grip on her hips bruising as he pulled her onto him, thrusting once, twice more.

She collapsed onto their bed, Sandor falling with her as they stayed connected, her body still pulsing with the aftershocks of her orgasm. They were both panting, sweating, as he laid partially on top of her, holding up most of his weight with an elbow on the bed, his other hand grazing the skin on her back. He moved one of his knees up, bending it outside her legs as he canted his hips into her slowly, kissing her shoulder blades as she recovered. 

She hummed when he finally slipped out of her body, crawling up to lay next to her, panting still as reached over to the side of the tent, grabbing his shirt and rolling back over to her. 

“Here.” He handed it to her, gesturing to the mess between her thighs. 

She took it, her hand falling limply to the bed, not moving as she caught her breath. 

He laughed, pulling her body into his, curling onto his side with his chest against her back, twining their legs together, neither caring about the mess.