Chapter 1: Episode One - 'Please don't let that cheese hit me'
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
[Camera does a sweeping shot of the landscape, coming down to zoom in on host Petyr Baelish. He has a smarmy grin on his face and is standing with 16 people standing side by side in a line behind him.]
Petyr - Hello Westeros, and welcome to the tenth season of The Westerosi Race! The show where teams of two race around the world for a chance to win one million dollars! I’m here in the beautiful Norvosi Stone Amphitheater deep in the mountains of Norvos. Once used as a battleground for warriors to compete, it is now the starting point for this season of The Westerosi Race! Behind me are the teams for this year’s competition. Let’s meet them, shall we?
[Camera scans a wide shot along the line of contestants, coming to land on the first team, a shockingly beautiful man and a woman]
Petyr voiceover - First, we meet Cersei and Jaime, twins from Casterly Rock!
[Cut to their talking head. Jaime is affable and charming while Cersei has a snide smile.]
Jaime, laughing - Yes, we are a bit used to living a pampered life, that’s true. But we came here to compete. If that means we need to sleep on the ground and rough it with the rest of them, we will. Right, Cersei?
[Camera cuts to Cersei, who grimaces.]
Petyr voiceover - Next up, we have sorority sisters Sansa and Margaery from Winterfell!
[Camera cuts to their talking head. Sansa and Margaery are young and beautiful.]
Sansa, shaking her head - No, I don’t think we’re necessarily spoiled. We do both still live with our parents but that’s just because I help take care of my younger siblings. One of them is in a wheelchair, so. It takes a village!
Margaery, nodding - Yes, exactly. I mean, we could go out and get jobs but we would just rather focus on what’s important. Like working on our tans.
Sansa, nods at first, then looks over at Margaery, eyes wide - Marg, no. [She looks back towards the interviewer] That’s not.. She didn’t mean that.
[Both girls smile warmly at the camera.]
Petyr voiceover - Well those girls seem just lovely. Now let’s meet our third team, cousins Ygritte and Tormund from North of the Wall!
[Camera cuts to their talking head, both have numerous scars. Ygritte is more serious while Tormund is laughing jovially. Tormund is tall and very muscular, Ygritte is also muscular but more lean.]
Tormund, laughing - No, we aren’t afraid of sleeping on the ground. My gods, what kind of question is that?
[He continues laughing while Camera cuts to Ygritte, who is trying to hide a grin and shaking her head.]
Petyr voiceover - Our fourth team is a rather interesting duo, a life coach and spiritual advisor from Braavos, Jaqen and Melisandre!
[Camera cuts to their talking head. Melisandre has an intense look on her face while Jaqen has his head turned towards her, focusing closely.]
Melisandre - We view this journey as a path of growth. If we allow it to consume us, we will prosper. If we fight it, the darkness will devour us alive.
Jaqen, turning forward, nodding once. - Yes.
Petyr voiceover, laughing nervously - Ok.. Anyways. [clears throat] Our next team is a happy pair - father and son, Davos and Gendry from Dragonstone!
[Camera cuts to their talking head. Davos is smiling, clapping Gendry on the back. Both seem happy.]
Davos - Yes well, he looks just like me, doesn’t he? [laughs] No, my wife and I adopted Gendry when he was just a young babe. He’s been such a welcome addition - really made our house into a home. I couldn’t be more proud.
[They share a look, both smiling. Gendry looks towards the interviewer again.]
Gendry - Yeah, my parents have always been great. I’ve just graduated from college and I’ve missed them so much, so I’m really excited to spend this time with my dad, one on one.
Petyr voiceover - Well, isn’t that nice? Let’s meet our next team, Tyene and Sarella Sand, sisters from Dorne!
[Camera cuts to their talking head. Sarella is slightly older, although both are young, beautiful and not smiling. Tyene is shorter than Sarella.]
Tyene - We will kill any competitors who stand in our way.
Interviewer off-camera, nervous - Uhh.. girls. It’s not really that kind of show.
Tyene - We are not ‘girls’. Come here, I will show you.
[She stands, hand going behind her back as the camera cuts to black.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is smiling tensely.]
Petyr, clearing his throat as he looks down at his notes - Uhh… ok. Well, that was fun. Next up, we have.. Ah! Two carpenters and business partners from Ashemark, Sandor and Bronn.
[Camera cuts to their talking head. Sandor is very muscular and very tall. His arms are crossed against his chest, his face stern. He has a large burn scar on the right side of his face. Bronn is relaxed and smiling.]
Sandor - Yes, I was burned at a young age. No, I’m not going to talk about it, so fuck off.
Bronn, winces - Yeah, you don’t want to ask about that. He’s a real asshole about it.
Sandor, rolling his eyes - Well, what kind of person just asks them about their fucking burns on their face?
Bronn, considering - That’s true. [Looks at interviewer] That’s a fucking cunt thing to do.
Petyr voiceover - Ok, great! That’s great. [clears throat] Our eighth team comes to us from the island of Tarth, Brienne and her apprentice, Podrick!
[Camera cuts to their talking head. Brienne is tall and muscular with short blonde hair, not smiling. Podrick is smiling and appears friendly.]
Brienne - I think it’s important for young girls to see they can do just as much as any boy can. That’s why I’m here. [Podrick nods in agreement.]
[Interviewer, off screen] - Do you think it negates the message because you have a male as a partner? What if people say he carried you the entire competition?
Brienne, laughing - Do you think he can pick me up?
Podrick, shaking his head and laughing - I can 100% guarantee you she will carry me at some point during this.
[Brienne smiles at him, then looks back at the interviewer, pleased.]
[Camera cuts to a shot of Petyr, standing in front of the teams.]
Petyr - Our ninth and final team consists of our winners from our online pole. You voted, Westeros, and here are your winners, meet brother and sister, Jon and Arya!
[Camera pans over to the left as two people run into the frame. One is a man, curly black hair pulled back, handsome. The other is a shorter girl, lean and muscular. They both come to stand at his side. Over Petyr’s shoulder, Sansa’s face is shocked.]
Petyr - Now, you two were chosen in our online poll. How does that make you feel, knowing that all of Westeros has chosen you two specifically to run this race?
[Camera cuts to Arya and Jon. Arya is smirking, looking up at Jon, who looks uncomfortable.]
Jon - Uhh.. actually it’s a lot of pressure. [He scratches the back of his neck] Arya is the one who submitted us so.. I’m just here to support her, I guess.
Arya, still smirking - Yeah, we’re here to fuck this competition up! [Jon closes his eyes and sighs]
[Camera cuts to a shot of just Petyr.]
Petyr - Well, I wish you luck with that, Arya and Jon! So, here they are, your final nine teams for this season of The Westerosi Race!
[Camera pans back on a crane, showing everyone in the shot.]
- - -
“Ok, cut! Everyone take three while we move the lights!” As soon as the production assistant yelled out, Sansa marched over to where Arya and Jon were standing, fuming.
“Arya!” She practically hissed her sister’s name. “What are you guys even doing here?!”
Arya stepped towards her, leaving Jon where he was, looking sheepish.
“Sansa! So funny seeing you here!” Arya grinned, coming in for a hug but Sansa shoved her sister’s arms away.
“Don’t Arya! That’s not even funny! Why can’t you let me have just one cathartic experience for once in my life?!” She practically stomped her foot.
Arya shrugged a shoulder. “I dunno. You told us you’d been picked and it seemed fun. Plus, now there’s a chance someone from the family could actually win.” She smirked, gesturing to herself.
Sansa scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest. “Oh please, I’m totally going to win. Have you seen the rest of the teams? Margaery and I are by far the best looking ones here. People will be falling over themselves to help us.” She smiled smugly.
Arya made an exaggerated gagging noise, sticking her finger into her open mouth, rolling her eyes. “I can’t wait for the day you find out the world doesn’t think the sun shines out of your ass, Sansa.”
- - -
[Camera shot shows Petyr standing and addressing the teams.]
Petyr - Now, you all have been selected to travel around the world with no idea where you’re going or what tasks you’ll have to accomplish once you get there. Your flights are paid for, but you will be given a stipend each leg that will cover the cost of taxis, food, and any other tickets you might need - if you manage your money wisely.
[Camera pans over the group. Most contestants look at their partners, nodding, excited.]
Petyr voiceover - But there was one more thing we didn’t tell you about this season. To celebrate The Westerosi Race’s tenth year, we decided it was time we mixed things up - literally.
[Contestants now look confused, a few look resigned. Camera turns back to Petyr.]
Petyr - This year all of the teammates have been randomly assigned to new partners!
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr furrows his brows and looks over to the producer. “This shit isn’t really random, right?” Varys looks down at his clipboard before glancing back up, shaking his head no.]]
[Camera pans over the group slowly. Most team members look shocked. Gendry and Davos look devastated. Sandor and the Sand Sisters are livid. Bronn and Tormund are laughing.]
Petyr - Now, when you hear your name, please step forward and join your new partner. First up - Gendry!
[Camera pans to Gendry, who looks over at his dad and sighs.]
Petyr voiceover - Please go and stand next to your new partner… Podrick!
[Gendry hugs his dad, giving him a final head nod before walking over to stand next to Podrick. The two shake hands. The camera shot zooms out to show Brienne as well as the two men. She looks bereft.]
Petyr voiceover - Next up, Brienne, will you please go stand next to your new teammate… Tormund!
[Brienne scans the crowd and grimaces, reluctantly walking towards Tormund. The camera swivels around to show Tormund waving gleefully.]
Petyr voiceover - Now, Ygritte, since your old partner is now paired up, please go and stand next to your new partner…. Jon!
[Camera pans over to Jon. His eyes are wide as he quickly looks away from Ygritte. She walks over to stand with him, an amused smile on her face. Jon’s eyes are still wide. He doesn’t look at her.]
Petyr voiceover - That’s great! Jon looks very comfortable with this change! Now, Arya, can you please go and join your new teammate, Tyene!
[Camera cuts to Arya as she looks over to Tyene. They both size each other up as Arya approaches. Tyene sniffs and crosses her arms. Arya scoffs and rolls her eyes, standing next to her.]
Petyr voiceover - And now, Tyene’s old partner, Sarella, can come join her new teammate….Jaime!
[Camera cuts to Sarella as she eyes Jaime up and down. She raises an eyebrow and smirks, walking over to stand next to him. He nods in greeting, giving a polite smile with his hands clasped behind his back. His eyes cut over to look at Cersei. She is seething.]
Petyr voiceover - Cersei! Will you please go join your new partner… Jaqen!
[Cersei glares at Jaime as she stomps over to Jaqen. He tries to hug her in greeting but she puts her hand in the middle of his chest and shoves him backwards. He stumbles but recovers, coming to stand next to her with narrowed eyes.]
Petyr - That would make Melisandre up next. Will you please go stand next to your new partner… Davos!
[Melisandre gracefully moves to stand next to Davos. He looks at her briefly before turning to face Petyr, his face wary.]
[[Director’s Cut Outtakes - Petyr looks down at his notes and sighs, turning to look at Varys. “Really? You couldn’t make the teams swap go in a nice smooth circle?” There’s mumbling from off-camera. “No, I know you want those four particular people together but now I just look like an idiot.” More mumbling off camera. “Oh, fuck off, Varys.” He turns back to camera and smiles.]]
Petyr - Now, since Davos’ old teammate Gendry is already with his new partner, that leaves our last two teams, The Sorority Sisters and The Carpenters.
[Camera cuts to show the four remaining contestants. Bronn nudges Sandor with his elbow and waves at the girls. Sandor crosses his arms, his jaw tight as he looks at the ground. Margaery giggles and waves back to Bronn. Sansa’s eyes are shut tight and her lips are moving slightly, as if in prayer.]
Petyr voiceover - Now, Margaery, you beautiful flower, will you please go and stand next to your new teammate… Bronn!
[Margaery sighs in relief, looking over at Sansa. She mouths ‘sorry’ and turns to walk happily over to stand with her new partner. Bronn winks at her and she blushes, pleased.
Sandor rolls his eyes at Bronn and looks over at Sansa. His jaw clenches and he looks forward again, shaking his head. Sansa’s shoulder slump and she sighs.]
Petyr voiceover- That leaves us with the lovely Sansa. Sansa, will you please go stand next to your new partner, Sandor!
[Sansa sighs again and walks over to Sandor glumly. She passes Petyr and he tries to give her a hug. She grimaces and shifts out of the way, coming to stand next to Sandor. She looks up at him warily but he doesn’t look at her. His face is blank.]
[Camera cuts to a group shot. Petyr is addressing the new 9 teams.]
Petyr - And there you have it! These will be your new teams for the entirety of the race! What do we think, teams?
[Camera pans down the line of contestants. Gendry and Podrick look at each other and shrug, nodding in approval. Brienne grimaces again as Tormund smiles at her brightly. Jaime shifts on his feet, smiling politely at Sarella. She winks at him and smiles. Cersei watches Jaime and bristles. Jaqen is staring at her, glaring slightly, but she doesn’t see him. Melisandre gives a serene smile to Davos and he nods his head politely at her, uncomfortable. Margaery smiles openly at Bronn as his chest puffs out. He looks off camera and nods appreciatively, giving a thumbs up to someone. Sansa looks up at Sandor hesitantly, but he just looks at Petyr, jaw clenched tight.]
[Camera cuts back to Petyr. He is addressing the camera now, the teams behind him in a line shoulder to shoulder. ]
Petyr - Our teams are now ready to begin! For each leg of the race, they’ll travel to a new country together, racing to be the first team to meet me on the coveted Westerosi Mat, the last of which will be eliminated. There will be Detours, Roadblocks, and other challenges that they’ll have to navigate together, both physically challenging and mentally taxing. They will be given clues, or Route Information to help them and there will be flags, or Route Markers to guide them where they need to go. But how well will our teams adjust now that they’re paired with virtual strangers? Will there be tension amongst the teams that will tear them apart? Can they learn to put aside their differences and work together to win the cash prize? It’s time to find out as we begin The Westerosi Race!
[Camera shot zooms out as Petyr turns back to face the teams.]
Petyr - Now, teams. Your first Route Information is up these stairs, on top of the bags that you brought to carry with you for the duration of the race. On my mark, go and read your clue together and select one of the marked cars we have here for you. What you do after that, is completely up to you. Are you ready?
[Camera pans over the group, most turn to face the stairs, nodding to their partners.]
Petyr voiceover - The world is waiting for you. Travel safe, and good luck. On your mark, get set… GO!
- - -
Sansa sat in the uncomfortable plane seat, Sandor next to her taking up the armrest. He hadn’t spoken a word to her, just running up the stairs once Petyr told them to begin. He held the Route Information up too high so she couldn’t even see it and then jumped into the car, barely waiting for her to close her door before speeding off. He navigated his way to the airport fairly well, she admitted reluctantly, and even managed to find them two tickets for the flight to their first country, The Westerlands.
She sighed again, shifting in her seat.
“Are you going to twitch and squirm the entire flight?” His eyes were closed, head resting against the back of his seat, hands folded over his stomach. He hadn’t moved since the airplane took off.
She scoffed, looking up at him. “Oh, so you do speak.”
He only hummed at that.
She shifted again, trying to figure out how to stretch her legs out. It’s like these seats were made to torture people.
“Will you sit fucking still?” He opened his eyes and looked down at her, scowling.
She scoffed again. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m trying to get comfortable. It might be easier if my partner would share the armrest but considering he seems to despise the very air I breathe, I think you’ll have to just deal with me squirming.” She shifted again in her seat, just to make a point.
He breathed in and out deeply through his nose but didn’t move his arm. He closed his eyes again, laying his head back where it was.
She rolled her eyes. “You know, you’d think you’d be grateful to have me as your partner.”
He scoffed at that, raising his head up to look at her again. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
She looked at him, confusion on her face. “Umm.. have you looked at me?” She gestured to her body. “Yeah, you really could have it much worse.” She leaned back in her chair, rolling her eyes and looking out the window.
He barked a laugh at that. “You think I give a shit if you’re pretty? I was supposed to run this race with Bronn. We were going to slaughter the rest of you fuckers and win that money. What can you do to help just by being pretty?” He turned towards her slightly, furrowing his brows. “Why are you even doing this? Daddy’s credit card not enough for you?”
“Hey!” She turned to him, poking his arm with her finger. “I’ll have you know, my own name is on my credit card.”
He looked at her skeptically. “Right, and who pays it?”
She dropped her hand down into her lap, uncertain. “Well.. my dad does currently.”
He laughed again. She scowled, poking him in the arm again. “That’s only because I’m busy with classes and taking care of my little brothers!”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I heard your chirping to the cameras, I know all about your sad backstory. Unlike you, I actually do have a need for this money and now, instead of an easy win, I have to run this race with a fucking prissy princess who thinks the world owes her a thank you just for looking at her. ”
She reeled back, offended. “Hey! It’s not just some sad story. It’s true, I really do help with my brothers. I mentioned it once to the producers and they… they suggested I mention it when I do my intro. They said it would look good with our ‘Sorority Girls’ persona.”
Sandor rolled his eyes, muttering fucking producers.
Sansa huffed. “Also, I am not a princess! And even if I was, I would rather be a princess than some big ugly brute of a man.”
He scoffed. “Oh no, someone is making a mean comment about my scars, I’m so offended.” He raised his hands up and shook them in fake fanfare.
She looked at him, confused. “What? I don’t care about your face, I’m talking about your ugly personality.” She poked him in the chest and he batted her hand away, looking down at her with a frown. “You’ve done nothing but ignore me, not even letting me read the clues with you - just barging ahead and trusting that I’ll follow. And now, even when you do talk to me, you’re rude and being a giant.. butthole!”
He laughed at that, taken off guard. “A giant butthole? Are you in the second grade?”
She smiled unkindly. “No, I just think it’s crude to curse.”
He rolled his eyes, muttering fucking princess while he sat back in his chair, closing his eyes again.
She scowled at him. “Look, I get that you don’t like me, and I obviously don’t like you, but we’re stuck together so let’s just… at least hold the clues down so I can read them, too. Ok?”
He breathed in deeply through his nose, sighing it out. He took a few minutes but finally answered her.
- - -
[Camera shot zooms in on the airplane door as it opens. Teams spring out from the exit, all hurrying as a massive group down the jetway with massive backpacks on their backs. Camera follows them down the jetway, where a clue box is waiting with a red and yellow stand. Teams all reach for it, many hands grabbing and opening the top of the box. The camera follows Sandor as he gets one and jogs into the airport before stopping to open the envelope. Sansa comes up to his side, breathing heavily. She elbows him and Sandor rolls his eyes, lowering his hands.]
Sansa, panting still - Make your way by taxi to the town of Crakehall. Once there, look for Joyeuse Erenford. She will hand you your next clue.
[Camera widens the shot as Sandor and Sansa run out of the airport. The other teams make their way outside. Davos and Melisandre are last.]
Melisandre, calmly, - No, I don’t run. Ever. Running is like challenging my God. It says you don’t trust Him to provide for you. Once we get outside, there will be a taxi waiting for us.
[Davos looks to the cameraman, bewildered.]
[Camera cuts to outside the airport. The only teams left behind are Davos/Melisandre and Cersei/Jaqen. Cersei is smoking a cigarette. She takes one last drag and throws it down angrily, crushing it with her foot.]
Cersei, facing Davos - Mine won’t run, will yours? [She gestures first to Jaqen, then Melisandre]
[Davos sighs and shakes his head no. He looks over at Cersei, confused. He gestures to her crushed cigarette on the ground]
Davos - How did you get a lighter on the plane with you?
[Cersei scoffs and rolls her eyes. They all stand shoulder to shoulder on the curb as the Camera zooms out to show there are no taxis.]
[Camera cuts to inside a taxi with Margaery and Bronn]
Margaery - This is all just so exciting! Bronn here [she wraps her arm around his] He’s just the greatest. He got us this taxi right out of the gate!
Bronn, nonchalantly - Well, you know, it’s all in the wrist. [he raises his hands up and makes a beckoning gesture.]
[Camera cuts to the driver, who shakes his head no. The driver then gestures to Margaery. The camera pans to show she is looking at Bronn and smiling as he says something. Camera cuts back to the driver as he cups his hands under his chest and makes a squeezing gesture. The driver winks at the camera.]
[Camera shows an exterior shot of a taxi stopping along a cobblestone street, surrounded by shops. It is a small, quaint town. Sandor exits the taxi, putting his bag on his back as Sansa exits behind him. She looks around while putting her bag on.]
Sandor - Come on, this way. [He moves to go down the street confidently.]
Sansa, hesitantly - Wait, how do you know?
Sandor, still walking - Probably because I’m from the Westerlands? Joyeuse’s shop is this way. [He points to a building]
[Sansa runs to catch up to him]
Sansa - Well, you could’ve just said you were from this area.
Sandor - Yeah, cause there was really time for us to share our childhoods with each other.
Sansa, confused - We literally sat on a plane in silence for like 6 hours next to each other!
[They enter a building. Sandor nods to the shopkeeper. She is an older woman with a red and yellow scarf tied around her head. She nods back and hands Sandor a yellow clue envelope. Sansa moves to open it but Sandor shakes his head no.]
Sansa - What do you mean, no? We need to see what to do next!
Sandor, shaking his head again - No, we need to move from this shop. Other teams are starting to arrive, they’ll see us in here and know where her store is.
[Camera pans to the window, zooming in on a taxi stopped in the road. Gendry and Podrick get out and go to the trunk to retrieve their bags. They look around at all the shops. Camera goes back to Sandor, who is looking through the window.]
Sandor - Fuck. Where is Bronn? I thought he would remember this place.
[Sandor walks back to Joyeuse. Sansa follows behind him.]
Sandor - Back door? [Joyeuse nods and waves them to the door. Sandor nods and goes out the door. Sansa follows him. They are now in an empty dirt parking lot behind a row of buildings. Sandor pulls open the yellow envelope to reveal a red envelope inside.]
Sansa - It’s a Roadblock!
[Camera cuts to Petyr standing in an empty field.]
Petyr - A Roadblock is a task that only one team member can perform. Teams will read a single phrase which will give them a hint as to what the challenge could be. Then teams must select the teammate who will perform the task. Once that team member is chosen, it cannot be taken back.
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor]
Sansa, reading - ‘Which one of ewe can ring my bell?’ Ew, it’s sheep?
[Sandor looks at Sansa questioningly]
Sansa - What, they stink. [She wrinkles her nose. Sandor rolls his eyes.]
Sandor, speaking to the camera - I’ll do it.
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking in front of a field of sheep.]
Petyr - For this task, team members must search through these sheep to try and find one with a bell around their neck [He holds up a small bell, about an inch long] Once they find it, they must hand it to the farmer to receive their next clue. This task isn’t necessarily physically demanding, but trying to catch a sheep can be difficult, and keeping track of which sheep you’ve checked can be hard to do. There are only 9 sheep out of this entire field that have bells, so if a team member gets confused…. It could take ewe some time.
[[Director's cut Outtakes - Petyr screams as the camera shot widens to show a sheep has come up to his side. The sheep is calmly eating the grass near Petyr's feet. Petyr looks off-camera, his face is panicked. "What do I do? Is it savage?" He looks down at the sheep. The sheep looks up at him, chewing. Petyr grimaces. "Oh gods, don't touch me. You smell terrible."]]
[Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa.]
Sandor - Ok, I know the place. Let’s go.
[Camera cuts to a montage of the other teams. Podrick and Gendry have located the shop. Ygritte, Jon, Brienne and Tormund have all arrived on the correct street. Tormund is trying to carry Brienne’s bag for her, but she resists. Arya and Tyene are laying on the roof of one of the shops, watching the teams below. Sarella and Jaime are in a cab, lost. Sarella is yelling furiously at the driver. Jaime looks scared but also into it. Margaery and Bronn are also in a taxi. The driver keeps looking in the rearview mirror, smiling and circling the block. Davos is in a cab in front of the airport, begging Melisandre to get inside. She refuses, pointing to an idol of the old gods in the windshield. Jaqen is standing next to her, nodding in agreement. Cersei is back inside the airport, sitting down at the airport bar, throwing back a drink. She turns around to glance out at the contestants on the sidewalk, then turns back to the bar and orders another drink.]
[Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa, who have arrived at the correct field. Sansa offers to take Sandor’s bag for him. He smirks as he hands it to her. Her eyes go wide as the bag immediately falls to the ground with her on top of it. He laughs as he turns towards the field of sheep. He steps through the gate and begins to crouch down, searching through the sheep for one with a bell. He steps easily around them and they don’t run from him. Sansa is standing at the fence, watching Sandor. She grimaces and pulls her shirt up to cover her nose.]
Sansa, loudly, through her shirt - Are you like a sheep whisperer or something?
[The sheep run, startled. They are now all mixed up. Sandor glares at Sansa. She lowers her shirt briefly to mouth ‘sorry’. She remains quiet. Sandor resumes looking through the sheep as Gendry and Podrick approach. Sansa waves to them politely as Gendry walks through the gate and begins to search through the sheep. He also moves easily. Sandor stands suddenly and makes his way back to Sansa. Ygritte and Jon arrive at the field. Tormund and Brienne are close behind. Sandor exits the gate as Ygritte passes him, entering.]
Sandor, quietly - Let’s go.
[Sansa lowers her shirt, smiling]
Sansa, loudly - You got it? Yay!! [She bounces on the balls of her feet happily]
[The sheep run again. Gendry glares at Sansa. She mouths ‘sorry’. Sandor turns back to face the field.]
Sandor, loudly - YES I DID!
Gendry, frustrated - Oh, come on!
[Sandor laughs as the sheep run again. Gendry angrily throws his hands in the air and Ygritte glares at Sandor. Sansa laughs at Sandor, surprised. Sandor grabs his bag and they run over to the farmer. The farmer nods at them and takes the bell from Sandor and hands them their next clue. Sandor opens the envelope and holds it down for Sansa to read.]
Sansa - It’s a Detour!
[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is walking across a stone bridge in the countryside.]
Petyr - A Detour presents a team with a decision between two tasks. For this Detour, teams must choose between ‘Cut the Rug’ or ‘Cut the Cheese’. In ‘Cut the Rug’, teams must both learn a dance from the natives of this village.
[Camera cuts to Villagers laughing and performing a dance on a stage outside. Men and women dance together in a circle, moving their feet rapidly and spinning. It looks very complicated.]
Petyr voiceover - This task is difficult and team members will only receive their next clue if they perform well enough for the local dance master. If teams have little to no coordination….they could spin out of this competition.
[Camera cuts to shot of giant cheese wheels on shelving inside a cheese shed.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘Cut the Cheese’, teams must help this dairy farmer by carrying wheels of cheese from this cheese shed down a steep hill. Each wheel weighs 50 lbs and teams will only get their next clue from the farmer when they’ve carried down 4 of them. This task is physically demanding but also straightforward. Teams with the brute strength…..can wheel themselves ahead of the pack.
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor]
Sansa - Ooh, dancing! That sounds so fun!
Sandor, rolling his eyes - We’re doing ‘Cut the Cheese’. [He stuffs the papers back in the envelope and begins to move towards the street.]
Sansa, scoffing - Hey! You can’t just decide what we’re going to do! [She grabs his sleeve.] Stop walking in front of me all the time! We’re supposed to be equal partners!
[Sandor turns to her, annoyed]
Sandor, tersely - Why would we do the dance when I can just carry all the cheese and get it done fast? Don’t you want to get in first this leg? [He turns back towards the street and looks up and down for a taxi. Sansa is standing next to him. She is glaring at him with her hands on her hips.]
Sansa - This isn’t ‘Sandor’s Amazing Westerosi Race’! We need to talk about things as a team. I am just as valuable a team member as you are, Sandor!
[Sandor huffs a laugh as he spots a taxi driving slowly on the opposite side of the street. He walks towards it and signals to the driver. The driver stops and rolls down his window as Sandor leans down to tell the driver where they need to go. The driver nods his head, and Sandor opens the back door. He gestures for Sansa to get inside.]
Sandor - Your chariot awaits, Princess.
[Sansa stands on the curb with her arms crossed against her chest. She doesn’t move. Sandor sighs and rolls his eyes.]
Sandor - The faster we win this leg, the faster you can shower off the sheep smell.
[Sansa’s face brightens as she uncrosses her arms and gets into the back of the car quickly. Sandor shakes his head as he climbs in after her, closing the door. The taxi pulls away as the Camera pans back over to the sheep field. Gendry and Ygritte are still looking. They are now joined by Tormund, Bronn, and Sarella. Davos is shown running up to the field. Melisandre is walking calmly very far behind him. Gendry stands up abruptly, holding a bell up in his hand for Podrick to see. Podrick pumps his fist in the air as Gendry makes his way over to the farmer, only to be cut off by Arya. She hands a bell to the farmer, who nods and hands her an envelope. Gendry stares at Arya, bewildered.]
Gendry - When did you even get here? [Arya smirks and walks over to Tyene, who is holding both their bags by the fence.]
Gendry - Where did she come from? What is happening? [He looks over to Podrick for answers. Podrick shrugs, just as confused. The camera pans back to where Arya and Tyene were standing, but they’re gone.]
[Camera cuts back to the airport bar. Cersei is more relaxed than the last time we saw her. She slings a shot back as Jaqen sits next to her, looking at her with disdain. She orders two shots, sliding one in front of Jaqen when they arrive. Jaqen doesn’t touch it, leaning over to smell it instead. He coughs and gags. Cersei laughs as she downs another shot.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa. They’ve arrived at the dairy farm. They both put their bags down and walk over to a pile of wooden structures. Sandor picks one up and begins to put it on. Sansa holds one up. It looks like a folding chair with straps. Sansa looks at it confused and Sandor turns to help her put it on. It fits on their back like a backpack and Sansa now understands that it will hold the cheese wheels.]
Sansa, gratefully - Oh, thank you. I never would’ve figured that out.
[Sandor only hums as he turns to walk up the hill. The hill is extremely steep. He slips on the leaves and mud a couple of times, righting himself quickly and progressing steadily up the hill. He is huffing as he reaches the top. He turns around to look for Sansa and jolts when she is right next to him, huffing and breathing heavily. He stares at her, confused.]
Sansa - What? I do yoga. [She walks towards the shed that houses the cheese wheels, leaving Sandor behind to stare at her.]
Sansa, greeting the cheese attendant - Hi! One please!
[She turns around so the attendant can load a wheel onto the wooden support. Sandor has caught up now. He shakes his head, turning around.]
Sandor - No, put all 4 on mine. It’ll be faster.
Sansa, scoffing - Sandor. I can carry at least one. You can’t carry two hundred pounds at once!
[He looks over at her, raising an eyebrow skeptically. She rolls her eyes.]
Cheese attendant, weakly - Sir, four wheels won’t fit. The carrier is only made for two.
[Sandor makes a frustrated noise, gesturing for the attendant to load his carrier up, which he does efficiently. Sandor turns to face the attendant with his arms out.]
Sandor - Here, load up the other two in my arms.
Sansa, scoffing - Sandor! Honestly, I can help you!
[The attendant tries to load two wheels on Sandor’s arms. They try multiple configurations but they’re too big. Sandor sighs in frustration as he holds one cheese wheel. He looks over at Sansa. She is standing with her hands on her hips, a sardonic look on her face. Sandor sighs and nods to the attendant. Sansa smiles, turning around. The attendant puts the last wheel on Sansa’s back. Her eyes widen at the weight but she stays standing. Sandor nods and turns to exit the shed. Sansa follows.]
Sandor - Just go slowly. If you fall and it drops out of the carrier, it’ll roll down the hill to fuckall knows where.
Sansa, breath struggling - Sandor, I think I know how to walk down a hill. [She stumbles slightly. Sandor looks over and glares. She smiles weakly.]
Sandor, annoyed - Just step where I step. [Sansa nods, following behind him]
[Camera shot pans down to the bottom of the hill. Gendry and Podrick have their wooden structures on and are climbing up the hill. They both stumble a few times but otherwise progress steadily. Tormund and Brienne have arrived, Tormund is trying to help Brienne put her structure on. She shoves his hands away, frustrated. The Camera pans up to the cheese shed at the top of the hill. Arya and Tyene both are getting cheese wheels loaded up onto their support structures, although only one each. The camera zooms out to show the entirety of the hill. Sandor and Sansa are about two-thirds of the way down. She smiles at Tormund and Brienne as they pass them. Tormund is trying to help Brienne up the hill even though she’s progressing on her own fine. She finally snaps, yelling out as she shoves his chest. He loses his balance and slides down the hill on his stomach. He reaches the bottom and looks up at Brienne, a smile on his face.]
Tormund, loudly, happily - I love this woman!!
[He laughs gleefully as he makes his way back up the hill, reaching Brienne’s side quickly. He doesn’t reach out to help her but continuously looks over to make sure she’s doing ok. Brienne sighs, frustrated. They reach the top of the hill as the camera pans to follow Gendry and Podrick down the hill. They both have two wheels on their back but are struggling with the weight slightly. They move slowly. They both glance up, astonished as Arya and Tyene pass them, going down the hill quickly with the last two wheels they need, one on each of their backs.]
Gendry, hands raised in confusion - How is this happening?? [Podrick laughs and shakes his head in disbelief.]
[The camera follows Arya and Tyene as they rapidly progress down the hill. They reach the bottom and begin to unload their cheese onto the growing pile by the barn. The camera pans over to Sandor and Sansa as they get their clue from the farmer. The camera swiftly pans to the road as Margaery and Bronn run up. The camera zooms out as Sandor walks into the shot, facing the approaching team.]
Sandor, loudly, annoyed - Where the fuck have you been, Bronn?
[Bronn reaches Sandor, taking off his backpack and laying it on the ground. He shrugs.]
Bronn - Our fucking twat of a taxi driver got lost or something. It took us forever to get to Joyeuse’s place. Are you guys done? [He gestures to Sansa and Sandor.]
Sandor, nodding - Yeah, do you want us to stay and help you guys?
Bronn, shaking his head - Nah, you go on ahead, man. [He claps Sandor on the shoulder] My bird and I can handle it. [He turns to look at Margaery, who blushes, pleased.]
[Sansa and Margaery quickly exchange a hug. Bronn and Margaery run past them to the wooden structures, Bronn helping Margaery first. Sansa comes to stand next to Sandor, gesturing to the unopened yellow envelope in his hand.]
Sansa - They said they got it, let’s keep going.
[Sandor sighs, reaching down to open the envelope. He holds it down for Sansa to read aloud.]
Sansa - It’s the Pit Stop! It says ‘Make your way to the Ruins of Oxcross.'
[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is walking in an empty field with stone ruins around him]
Petyr - Once a majestic village home to hundreds of people, this town is now abandoned after it was ravaged by armies in the Battle of Castamere in 1733. It’s this location where the teams will have to search and find me here on the legendary Westerosi Race mat. The last team that shows up… may be eliminated.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr sighs, his posture sagging. He looks off-camera. “Why do I always have to say that? The audience knows the last team to arrive will always be eliminated.” A voice mumbles off-screen. “No, I know that other show has non-elimination legs but this show doesn’t. It just seems unnecessary.” More mumbling. “Oh, fuck off Varys.”]]
[The Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. He stuffs the papers back in the envelope as they turn, Sansa following Sandor as he leads them down the road at a light jog. The camera turns back to the hill. Arya and Tyene have disappeared. Gendry and Podrick have arrived at the bottom and are tiredly taking off their wooden structures. The shot widens as we see Brienne and Tormund making their way steadily down the hill. Both of them are carrying two cheese wheels easily. Tormund is gazing at Brienne as if she is the most magnificent sight he’s ever seen. She is ignoring him, focused on her foot placement. The camera pans over to the road where we see Davos arrive. He lays his bag down on the ground as Gendry comes over and gives him a hug, which Davos returns jovially.]
Gendry - Dad, where’s your partner?
Davos, exasperated, gesturing behind him - She’s back there, thanking the fucking sheep for their patience and good spirit.
[Gendry looks at him, confused. Davos just shakes his head, baffled. Gendry jogs to the pile of wooden structures, grabbing one and bringing it back to his dad. He helps him get it on his back. Davos hugs him again, clapping him on the shoulder. ]
Davos, happily - Go, son. You and your partner need to continue. [He nods to Podrick, who nods back, respectfully]
Gendry - Ok dad, be careful! [They exchange head nods again as Davos turns to start the climb up the hill. Gendry and Podrick turn to open their clue. The camera pans to the road again, showing Jon and Ygritte approaching. Ygritte is comforting Jon, an amused look on her face.]
Ygritte - That sheep came out of nowhere Jon, I don’t even know how he got out of the fence.
Jon, slightly traumatized - He was just so… eager.
Ygritte, laughing - He must’ve caught a glance at your handsome face. I don’t blame him, frankly.
[Jon blushes as they set their bags down. He looks over at Ygritte and she smiles, winking at him. His cheeks darken more and he smiles faintly. They move to grab their wooden structures. They both look confused but work together and figure it out quickly, moving to climb up the hill. The camera shot widens, showing Bronn walking down the hill with two wheels on his back. He keeps turning to look back at Margaery. She has taken her structure off her back and is dragging it slowly down the hill behind her with one wheel on top of it. She is breathing heavily but gestures happily to Bronn to keep going when she catches him looking back at her. He shakes his head, amused as he walks down the hill. Davos has reached the top of the hill. He is panting while the attendant secures one wheel to his back. The camera pans down the hill and over to the farmer, who is handing Brienne their clue envelope. She nods back respectfully and turns to go stand next to Tormund. He offers her a bottle of water, and she sighs before reluctantly taking it.]
Brienne, clipped - Thank you.
Tormund - Normally I wouldn’t mind my women so wet but we need to preserve your fluids. For later. [He winks at her. Brienne grimaces, disgusted.]
[The camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa. They are jogging along a dirt road, empty fields and hills behind them.]
Sandor, panting - It should be just up here. [He looks back at Sansa, who is breathing heavily. She nods but doesn’t say anything. Her gaze shifts over to the side slightly and she gasps.]
Sansa, pointing over to the side - Arya!
[The camera pans over to where Arya and Tyene are both running from a different direction, moving quickly with their bags bouncing slightly on their backs. The camera pans back to Sandor and Sansa, who have begun to jog faster.]
Sansa, exasperated - No! She CAN’T win! [She tries to pick up her speed but can’t sustain it. Sandor moves up next to her, grabbing the handle on her bag.]
Sandor, panting - Give me this, then sprint as fast as you can. The field we’re going to is up around this last bend. On the right.
[Sansa slips her arms from the straps. She looks back at him as he takes her bag, putting it on so it now sits across his front.]
Sansa, breathing heavily - What about you?
Sandor, shaking his head - Don’t worry about me, just GO!
[Sansa takes off at a fast pace, sprinting at top speed around the last bend. The camera shot shows Sandor keeping pace with her. They see Petyr waiting on the mat and they make a straight line for it, cutting across the grass. The camera zooms out to show Arya and Tyene also sprinting across the grass. Petyr’s eyes widen as he moves off to the side, out of the way. Both teams move in quickly, but Sansa and Sandor just barely reach the mat before Arya and Tyene. All four contestants run over the mat quickly, going too fast to stop on it. Sandor reaches an arm out to stop Sansa from falling down as she tries to stop. He lets go as she nods her head at him gratefully. Everyone is panting heavily. Sansa is doubled over, hands on her knees as she tries to breathe in deeply. Sandor has his hands up on the back of his head, his fingers clasped as he takes deep breaths. Arya and Tyene are both panting, looking disappointed. They all make their way back to stand on the mat with Petyr, who has moved back to his spot.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes]] Petyr wrinkles his nose at them, dusting off his clothes, which are perfectly clean. He eyes Sandor and Sansa and sighs. He extends one hand out to the side. “Will someone bring me my stool?” Sandor huffs a laugh, still trying to catch his breath. A production assistant brings over a wooden box, laying it at Petyr’s feet. He puts a hand on the assistant’s shoulder, boosting himself up to stand on the box. He is still shorter than Sandor, but is now taller than Sansa. He nods to the assistant, who backs away out of the shot.]]
Petyr, smiling widely- Wow! What an entrance! Very exciting. I’m happy to announce that Sandor and Sansa… You are team number one!
[Sansa turns to Sandor, beaming. She shrieks excitedly, throwing her arms around his neck and awkwardly hugging him despite her bag in the way. Sandor closes his eyes in pain and covers his ears with his hands. Sansa moves back from him, apologizing as she bounces up and down in happiness. He grimaces at her, his hands still on his ears.]
Sandor, loudly - Are you done? [Sansa nods her head yes quickly, still beaming. Sandor takes his hands off his ears. He looks not angry. They both turn back to face Petyr.]
Petyr - Yes, I’m very happy for you both! I love to see Sansa bouncing with happiness like that. [He eyes Sansa’s chest as she continues to bounce. Sandor clears his throat, frowning at him. Petyr’s eyes widen and he turns to face Arya and Tyene] That brings us to Arya and Tyene… you are team number two!
[The girls both have their hands resting on their hips. They turn to each other and nod their heads. Sansa turns to look at Arya, a triumphant look on her face. Arya looks over at her and rolls her eyes. Everyone turns back to look at Petyr.]
Petyr - So Sandor, you’re from this area. Do you think that helped you achieve the coveted first place?
Sandor, unimpressed - Obviously.
[Petyr waits expectantly for him to say more. Sandor remains passive, staring him down. Petyr clears his throat and shifts his attention to the other team.]
Petyr - And Tyene? How do you think you and Arya are getting along?
[The girls turn to face each other and exchange a look. Their faces are blank. Tyene looks back at Petyr.]
Tyene - She is fast, efficient with her movements. I like her.
[Arya looks back at Petyr, face confident.]
Petyr - Well, I’m sure the producers are thrilled you two haven’t cut each other to shreds like they predicted! [He turns to the Camera.] Let’s check-in to see how our other teams are doing!
[Camera cuts to a small road lined with houses. Brienne is standing in the road, facing a house. Tormund is up by the door, laughing jovially with the owner. The owner claps his hand on Tormund’s shoulder, grinning, then points his finger down the road. Tormund nods his head gratefully at him, shaking his hand before he turns back to Brienne. Brienne’s lip twitches in amusement as the owner calls out to Tormund again, waving goodbye to them both. Brienne and Tormund wave back before they jog side by side in the direction the man pointed.]
[The Camera cuts to an outdoor festival where music is playing. Jaime and Sarella are wearing traditional local clothing, standing side by side. They both watch intently as the couple next to them performs the complicated dance routine, twisting and spinning wildly. The instructor tells them to go ahead. Sarella and Jaime nod to each other and begin. They do very well. The instructor holds out their next clue, shocked. Sarella jumps into Jaime’s arms and he swings her around as they both cheer.]
[The Camera cuts to the steep hill. Margaery and Bronn have completed the task, both panting heavily. They receive their next clue and exit the screen. Davos is sliding down on his butt, hugging a cheese wheel to his chest. Melisandre is up at the top of the hill. She is smiling easily and talking to the attendant. He laughs nervously, scratching his neck. She says a few more words, running the back of her hand across his cheek. He grins and nods, grabbing a wheel and carrying it down the hill for her. Ygritte and Jon are in the cheese shed. Jon has two wheels on his back and is trying to load a second wheel onto Ygritte’s wooden structure. A sheep bleats in the distance and he turns, worried. His hands fumble with the wheel, dropping it. It rolls down the hill, steadily picking up speed.]
Ygritte, loudly - Lookout! A cheese escaped!
[The camera pans to Davos, who stops moving. He curls his body in a tight ball, hugging the wheel closer to him.]
Davos, his voice small and strained - Please don’t let that cheese hit me.
[The cheese wheel rolls rapidly by him without making impact. It reaches the bottom of the hill and slams into the barn, leaving a huge hole. Davos is visibly relieved and continues scooting down the hill. The camera pans back up to Ygritte and Jon. He grimaces, looking down at the farmer. Camera shows the farmer crossing his arms and glaring up at Jon. Jon laughs awkwardly and waves apologetically at him. He turns, picking up another wheel of cheese. He raises it, moving over to Ygritte’s back.]
Ygritte, softly - [Noise mimicking sheep bleat]
[Jon drops the cheese wheel again but bends down to catch it quickly before it can roll down the hill. He stands up straight, glaring playfully at Ygritte, who is laughing. He secures the wheel to her back and they both make their way steadily down the hill at a good pace.]
[We now begin the ending montages of teams arriving separately to the mat. Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick who are facing Petyr, panting heavily. ]
Petyr - Gendry and Podrick… you are team number three!
Gendry, out of breath - Did that other team get here already? The two girls? [He looks around the mat area. Podrick looks to Petyr with interest]
Petyr, confused - Yeah, they checked in like an hour ago.
Gendry & Podrick, frustrated - Damnit!
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund on the mat.]
Petyr - Brienne and Tormund…. You guys are team number four!
[Tormund cheers and goes for a hug from Brienne. She stiff-arms him, grimacing. He puts his arms down but is still smiling.]
Petyr - Now, it’s my understanding that you both got lost on the way to the mat? How do you think you guys handled that situation?
[Brienne shifts her backpack and clears her throat, uncomfortable. Tormund is looking at her expectantly, smiling.]
Brienne, hesitantly - I think… Tormund is very personable and ….that might have helped us get the accurate directions we needed. [She winces as Tormund raises his arms and cheers loudly at her praise.]
[Camera cuts to Bronn and Margaery approaching the mat. They are both breathing heavily. Bronn is carrying both bags. He drops them to the ground when they stop on the mat, bending over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Margaery smiles, rubbing her hand on his back. Bronn stands up straight after a moment, still breathing heavily.]
Petyr - Margaery and Bronn… you are team number five!
Margaery, relieved - Oh good! I thought we were last! We’ve had the worst luck with cabs today!
[Bronn nods his head to agree, puzzled.]
[Camera cuts to Jaime and Sarella approaching the mat, still wearing the local clothing.]
Petyr - Sarella and Jaime… you are team number six!
[Jaime and Sarella turn to each other. Jaime is thrilled. He raises his hand up to give her a high five. Sarella is confused. He claps his hands together and looks at her expectantly. She awkwardly slaps his hand, smiling. They turn back to Petyr.]
Petyr - Now, it’s my understanding that you both only needed one attempt at the dance Detour? How do you explain that?
Jaime, arrogantly - Well, I’ve been in dance lessons since I could walk. [His voice is less arrogant now] And Sarella, well. She is just remarkable. [She smiles at him fondly.]
Sarella, to Petyr - Yes, I’ve been training in all the arts since I was little. Dancing, Fighting, Stabbing. [She smiles at Petyr cheerfully. Petyr’s eyes are wide and he laughs nervously. He looks at Jaime. Jaime shrugs, smiling.]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte and Jon approaching the mat. They are both panting but happy.]
Petyr - Ygritte and Jon… you are team number seven!
[They both look at each other, relieved.]
Petyr - Jon, It’s my understanding that you made a new friend today?
[Jon shudders as Ygritte laughs. He looks at her, unamused. She laughs harder.]
Ygritte - I think I might have competition for who gets to sleep next to Jon tonight. [Jon’s eyes widen as he blushes. She winks at him.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Jon clears his throat. “Um.. are we done here? I uh.. I actually would like to go back. I need to fix that barn.” He turns to go walk back to the location of the cheese Detour. Petyr calls after him, confused. “Jon! Jon, no. We have production people for that. You don’t have to worry about it.” Jon turns back to face Petyr. His face is uneasy. “Uhh.. no. I’d really like to fix it myself.” He turns and continues walking back the way they came. Ygritte watches him go and laughs, surprised. She shakes her head as she moves to follow him. She calls after him. “Jon! Wait!” He turns around, smiling as she jogs to catch up with him. They look at each other fondly as they walk side by side back to the barn.]]
[Camera cuts to Davos on the mat. It's dark outside. The mat and surrounding area is lit up by production lights. Davos and Petyr are both standing, faces bored as they face behind the camera. Davos sighs as he takes off his backpack, placing it on the ground. Camera pans back and we see Melisandre walking peacefully down the dirt road towards the mat. Camera pans back to the mat as Petyr checks his watch. He sighs. After a moment, Melisandre finally enters the shot. She smiles serenely at the men. Petyr smiles tensely at her. Davos shakes his head, looking down at the ground.]
Petyr, sarcastically - Welcome to the Mat, Melisandre.
Melisandre, genuinely - Thank you, Petyr. [Petyr’s fake smile slips for a moment. He takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes. He opens them again.]
Petyr, smiling - Now, Melisandre, it’s my understanding that you had someone help you during the Detour that wasn’t your partner?
Melisandre, calmly - It’s not my decision whether another soul chooses to aid us while we’re on this journey. They are their own being.
[Davos sighs, still looking at the ground.]
Petyr, tense - Well. Regardless. You received help from a 'being' that wasn’t your partner. Because of that, I’ll need you two to wait out your thirty-minute penalty before I can check you in. [He holds his hand out, gesturing to a stone wall nearby.]
[Davos sighs again, reaching down to grab the strap on his bag. He drags it across the grass, sitting on the wall with his head resting in his hands. Melisandre calmly takes a step back, her feet now on the grass. She clasps her hands together in front of her and smiles at Petyr. Petyr smiles back. There’s an elapsed timer in the corner showing us the time passing.]
Elapsed Time - 3:07 [Petyr looks uneasy. Melisandre is still staring, smiling at him.]
Elapsed Time - 15:54 [Melisandre is still staring. Petyr crosses his arms, turning his back to her. He looks over his shoulder to see her still smiling and he quickly looks forward again. Davos is laying down on top of the wall. He’s using his bag as a pillow and his eyes are closed.]
Elapsed Time - 29:43 [Petyr is fuming. He’s facing Melisandre, who hasn’t moved since the penalty started. Petyr’s hands are on his hips and he’s glaring at her. Davos is asleep on the wall, his mouth hanging open. He’s snoring faintly.]
Melisandre, softly - Davos, our time is up. [Davos stirs. He sits up gingerly, wincing and rubbing his neck.]
Petyr, angrily - No it isn’t, you can’t know that.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - A production assistant clears his throat from off-camera. Petyr snaps his head angrily to the side. “WHAT?!” He glares as we hear mumbling. Petyr deflates slightly. “How could she know that?” More mumbling. “Well, did you tell her?” More mumbling. “Fine, just.. Fine. Go fuck off somewhere.” He waves his hand, dismissing the assistant.]]
[Petyr straightens his shoulders, smiling tensely as he addresses the team]
Petyr, nonchalantly - Alright, your time is now up. [Davos stands, dragging his bag as he walks back to the mat. Melisandre steps forward, smiling as she stands next to Davos.]
Petyr, tersely - Davos and Melisandre, you are team number eight.
[Camera cuts to the inside of the airport as Petyr approaches the bar. Cersei is laughing wildly, slapping Jaqen on the shoulder. They are both completely plastered. Cersei catches sight of Petyr and the crew and raises her hands in the air. One hand has a drink in it. The drink sloshes out, falling on her. She doesn’t notice.]
Cersei, loudly - PETYRRRR!! You pompous fuckclown, you’re finally here. Can I order you a drink?? Aemon here makes the BEST gin and tonics. [She turns towards the bartender. It’s a woman.] You’re not Aemon.
Female Bartender - Ma’am, his shift ended two hours ago.
Petyr, solemnly - Cersei. Jaqen. All of the other teams have checked in. I’m very sorry to tell you… you have been eliminated from the race.
[Cersei and Jaqen laugh uproariously]
Cersei, to Jaqen - Do you want to go fuck? [Jaqen laughs, shaking his head]
Jaqen - I do not fuck. I participate in the ancient ritual of joining of souls. When we can truly experien-
Cersei, interrupting - Does it involve you putting your dick in me? [Jaqen pauses, thinking]
Jaqen, shrugging - Eventually, yes.
[Cersei laughs triumphantly, grabbing the front of his shirt and dragging him to the women’s bathroom. A few women run out of the bathroom, their faces traumatized as we hear cackling echo from inside.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr turns to the bartender. “Aemon, is it? Gin and tonic, please.” She looks at him, confused. “Sir, my nam-” He interrupts her. “Ah-ah. I don’t care.” He taps the counter, then gestures to all the bottles behind her. She sighs, grabbing a glass and turning to fill it.]]
- - -
Sandor nodded to the bartender, turning with his beers to make his way back to Bronn. They’re in a local pub, filming having finished for the day. The room is mostly empty except a few locals sitting up at the bar and most of the competitors from the race grouped around the room.
Sandor arrived at Bronn’s side, handing him a fresh beer. Bronn takes it, raising it in appreciation at him before taking a deep swig from the stein. He looked out into the room, gesturing with his chin. “We got the luck of the draw, eh?”
Sandor turned, seeing that Bronn is looking at Margaery. She’s sitting at one of the tables with Sansa, Gendry and Podrick. They’re all laughing at Gendry, who is miming a sheep attacking him. Jon is at the next table, glaring at him while Ygritte laughs, clapping her hand on his back lightly.
Sandor huffed, turning back to Bronn and taking a deep draw from his beer. Bronn shook his head at Sandor, confused. “They’re the best looking ones in the group! We could’ve gotten shit handed to us.”
Sandor laughed humorlessly, shaking his head at Bronn. “What good do their looks do us, Bronn? We're here for the money. It was supposed to be an easy fucking win.” He took another draw from his stein, sullen again.
Bronn shrugged his shoulder. “Eh, maybe we can still win. And now we can have some fun, too” He waggled his eyebrows, smirking.
Sandor groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He looked at Bronn. “You’re going to fuck her?”
Bronn scoffed. “Of course I’m going to fuck her. You aren’t?” He raised his hand, gesturing to Sansa.
Sandor didn’t turn around - he doesn’t need a reminder of what his new teammate looks like. He sighed. “I’m not like you - I don’t stick my dick into anything that moves.”
Bronn scoffed, offended. He poked Sandor in the chest. Sandor batted his hand away muttering people need to stop poking me as Bronn laughed. “Don’t you slut-shame me. If she’s willing, which she is” Bronn waggled his eyebrows again and Sandor rolled his eyes. “Then I don’t see the harm in it. It’s all in good fun.”
Sandor sighed. “This wasn’t supposed to be fucking fun. We were supposed to win. At all costs, no distractions. We agreed, remember?”
Bronn laughed. “Well if you don’t want any fun, no fucking is the way to go. We can still win - Margaery and I work well together. Is Sansa a good teammate?”
Sandor thought back over their first leg. She ran well, kept pace with him even when they sprinted their hardest. But, she also complained about the sheep, wrinkling her nose at the slight farm smell. He shrugged a shoulder. “Too soon to tell. Maybe.”
Bronn smiled triumphantly. “Well there you go! Just focus on your race with Sansa. Margie and I will focus on ours, and whatever happens, happens.”
Sandor pursed his lips, thinking. Bronn and Margaery were a lost cause - he could tell Bronn was in it now more for her than winning. He took a drink from his stein.
He would just have to carry Sansa to the finish line. He had no other choice.
Well, there you have it, Episode One! I hope you enjoyed!
Do you think there's any hope for Sandor and Sansa to get along??? What country do you think is next?? Oh, the suspense!! 😂😂
Below is some Behind the Scenes info about Episode One for you guys, if you're interested!
First - I make no claim to any of these photos EXCEPT the Westerosi Mat. I made that, and I'm not sure it was worth the effort 😂 (Jk. it's gorgeous. Don't look at it too closely though.) I do my best to research where the actual photos are from and I'm going to try to provide as reliable and accurate info as I can!
1. 'The Westerosi Race' - I realize Westeros is only one part of the world of GoT, so it's not entirely accurate given that they start in Essos and will travel back to Essos a couple of times. (Spoiler Alert!) But there's no name for the collective GoT World as a whole so.. this is what we have to go with.
2. The 'Norvosi' Ampitheatre is actually an amphitheater found in Phaselis, Turkey.
3. The cobblestone street where 'Joyeuse's' shop is is located in Edinburgh, Scotland.
4. The sheep belong to a farm in Carfraemill, Scotland.
5. The bell task is from Season 3, Leg 9. They had to search through a field of goats instead of sheep.
6. The stone bridge is from an estate in Wiltshire.
7. The 'local dancers' for the 'Cut the Rug' Detour are actually Floridians dressed in Barvarian costumes at a festival! This task isn't inspired from any one specific episode - most seasons have a dancing task.
8. The cheese wheels are actually Parmesan from Italy.
9. The cheese-up-the-hill task was taken from the show, Season 14 Episode 1. It's hilarious and an absolute mess. One contestant in particular inspires Davos's line of 'Please don't let that cheese hit me.'
10. The ruins where the Pit Stop mat is can be found in Ireland in Slievemore. It's known as an Irish Ghost Village because they started to build it but lost funding and now it just sits.
11. The Irish Pub photo - I have no idea where this place is. I would love to give the owner credit because it's beautiful! Google tells me it's from Ireland, Florida, Wisconsin and Germany so.. there we go.
And that's it! Stay tuned for Episode Two.. where believe it or not, things get more ridiculous!
Chapter 2: Episode Two - 'It's just like my mom makes it!'
Hi! Welcome back to Episode Two!!
I'm gonna put my notes at the end so you can just get straight to the good stuff!
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy Episode Two!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Petyr voiceover - Previously on The Westerosi Race…
[Start with a clip of all teams at the starting line looking at each other with surprised faces.]
Teams were shocked when they learned their partners would not be who they arrived with but instead complete strangers, causing tension and tempers to rise.
[Cut to a clip of Sansa with her arms crossed as she stands on a curb, Sandor staring at her from beside the taxi followed by a clip of Sansa smiling as she looks up at Sandor at the Pit Stop mat.]
Sandor and Sansa fought each other the entire leg, but Sandor’s knowledge of the area carried them all the way to the mat, winning First place. Will they learn to put their differences aside or will it be their destruction?
[Cut to a clip of Arya on the mat, arms crossed as she glares at Sansa.]
Will sisters Arya and Sansa ever learn to get along? Or will their competitiveness drive a wedge between them that they’ll never be able to recover from?
[Cut to a clip of Tormund gazing adoringly at Brienne as she scowls at him.]
Will Tormund be able to win Brienne over, or is this all going to end in a devastating heartbreak?
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking in a field of snow.]
Petyr - All of this and more on this week’s episode of The Westerosi Race!
[Sansa and Sandor are standing on the mat, facing the camera. It’s very early in the morning. Sansa is smiling and pleasant. Sandor is not.]
Petyr voiceover - Each team will be departing ten minutes apart based on the order they placed in the previous leg. For this leg of the race, each team will receive $61. Sansa and Sandor are the first team to depart.
[Sandor rips open the yellow clue envelope, pulling out the paper and angling it so Sansa can read it aloud.]
Sansa - Make your way north of the Wall! [She cheers, bouncing up and down excitedly as she looks up at Sandor.]
Sandor, annoyed - Fuck.
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking in front of the Wall. He has a forced smile on his face, his nose and ears bright red.]
Petyr, tightly - The landscape north of the Wall is known for being the coldest location in all of Westeros. The people here are a very close-knit group with beautiful Northern customs.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr shivers. The plastic smile falls from his face. “Ok. Fuck this - cut!" He glares at someone off-camera. "Where is my trailer?" We hear mumbling in response. Petyr nods and walks away, leaving the frame. The camera turns, following him. “I don’t know why people live in this godsdamn place. Someone get me my coat!” We hear more muttering off-camera. “What do you mean ‘which coat’? The thick one, with the fur! NOT the green one, green makes me look bloated. And where is that fucking assistant with my fucking hot chocolate!?” He stomps off through the snow angrily.]]
- - -
Sansa looked down, glaring at Sandor’s arm on the armrest between them. “Really? You're still not going to share?”
He opened his eyes and raised his head, looking down at her. “Have you looked at me?” He gestured to his body, mimicking her tone from their first flight together. He smiled sarcastically.
She scoffed, trying to hide her amusement at his words. She moved her arm next to his, pushing against him so hard her face was scrunched up. His arm didn't move.
He huffed a laugh. “I don’t know where you expect my arm to go. I barely fit in this seat as it is.” He laid his head back down on the headrest, closing his eyes again.
She glared at him for the rest of the flight.
- - -
[Camera shows the contestants all running through the airport, except Melisandre, who is leisurely walking.]
Petyr voiceover - Since all teams were able to get tickets on the same flight up, it’s now a footrace to see who can get a taxi first. Once inside their car, their driver will need to take them to The Frozen Shore Lake. Once there, teams will find their next clue.
[The teams arrive at the glass exterior doors. Jaime pushes one open, blasting the teams with cold air and flecks of snow. The contestants in front of the pack all hiss and take a step backward. Tormund and Ygritte shove past them to go outside, followed closely by Jon, Arya and Sansa. Sandor takes a deep breath and follows them outside, wincing as a huge gust of wind blows his hair all around his face. Everyone else remains inside, relieved when Jaime pulls the door closed.]
[The camera cuts to an exterior shot. Ygritte and Jon are already in a taxi, pulling away from the curb. Sansa is talking to a cab driver. Sandor is standing behind a pillar, hiding from the wind. All we see is half of his face sticking out as he watches Sansa. The driver nods to Sansa and she waves Sandor over. He steps around the pillar and jogs to the cab, getting in first. Sansa ducks down after him, shaking her head. Their taxi pulls away from the curb once she closes the door.]
[Camera cuts to inside their taxi. Sandor is shivering. Sansa is fine.]
Sandor - Fuck! It’s too fucking cold! [He blows warm air into his cupped hands, rubbing them together.]
Sansa, amused - You know it’s summer, right?
[ Sandor glares at her.]
[Camera cuts back to the airport exterior. Tormund and Brienne are gone, Arya and Tyene’s taxi is pulling away from the curb. We can see Podrick and Gendry getting into a cab. Margaery, Bronn, Jaime, Sarella, and Davos are all watching from inside.
[Camera cuts to the interior as Jaime turns to Margaery, a confused look on his face.]
Jaime, curiously - I thought you were on the Winterfell team?
Margaery, shaking her head - No. I mean, yes, I was, but I only transferred to the University there last semester. I’m from the south. [She looks outside.] It's not like.. this.
[Jaime, Sarella, Davos and Bronn all turn, looking out the window and nodding in agreement. Melisandre enters the frame, exiting the airport doors. Camera follows her as she walks out onto the sidewalk, unbothered by the weather. Davos jogs to catch up to her, pulling his coat up to cover his face as he exits the airport.]
Davos, baffled - How are you not cold? I didn't think you were from the North.
Melisandre - No, I am not of the North. But I have a fire burning deep inside me that does not fear the cold.
[We hear a knocking sound coming from off-camera. Davos and Melisandre both turn, their brows furrowed. Camera swivels to show Margaery waving at them pleasantly.]
Margaery, loudly, through the glass - They make a cream for that! I can write down the name of it for you! [She smiles and gives a thumbs-up to Melisandre.]
[Camera cuts back to Melisandre as she tilts her head, giving Margaery a peculiar look. She blinks as she walks away, exiting the frame. Davos smiles politely, nodding as he returns Margaery's thumbs-up. He turns as we hear Melisandre's voice off-camera.]
Melisandre, off-camera - Come. I found someone to guide us.
[Davos nods, jogging out of frame as Camera pans over to the glass doors. Bronn, Margaery, Jaime and Sarella stand together, all watching Melisandre and Davos's taxi pull away from the curb. No one moves to come out.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot of a frozen lake. There is a small tent set up to the side, wooden benches next to it. There are people standing nearby, dressed warmly. The clue box is in front of the tent.]
[Camera pans to three approaching taxis. Team members all jump out the doors, getting their bags and running over to the clue box. The camera follows Sandor as he reaches inside the box and pulls a yellow envelope out. He goes over to the side, ripping it open and holding it low for Sansa to read.]
Sansa, panting - It’s a Roadblock! ‘Which one of you is ready to freeze their ice off?’
[Camera frame changes to pre-recorded footage of the lake. Petyr is not in the shot.]
Petyr voiceover - In this Roadblock, one team member will partake in a Northern Tradition - a plunge in this frozen lake! Swimming in this frozen water nude is a Northern rite of passage, although team members who choose to do this task will be provided a wet suit. Once outfitted, they must dive into a pre-cut hole in the surface of the lake and swim under the ice until they reach the exit hole cut for them - fifteen feet away. Once the team member is up and out of the water, they will receive their next clue. This task is straightforward, but teams who prefer it hot .. could freeze under the pressure.
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. His face is pale. We hear howls fill the air and Camera pans to show us Tormund and Ygritte, both grinning widely. Tormund howls again as he begins to strip off his clothing, Brienne next to him looking away respectfully. A lakeside assistant approaches Tormund, his face nervous.]
Lakeside Assistant, warily - Um, sir. There are tents provided to protect your modesty and uh… here is your wetsuit? [He holds a wetsuit out for Tormund.]
Tormund, laughing - I don’t need your wetsuit. And fuck your modesty! [He removes the last of his clothing, standing completely naked. The assistant gasps, bringing his hand up to shield his eyes.]
[Tormund laughs as he jogs towards the lake. Camera pans over to Ygritte as she drops the last of her clothing on the ground. She smiles, looking over her shoulder at Jon.]
Ygritte, teasing - Make sure you take a good look, Jon Snow!
[She laughs as she turns and runs towards the lake. The camera pans to Jon. He’s looking at the ground, smiling as he shakes his head. His face is bright red. Behind him, an assistant is squinting with her head tilted to the side.]
Assistant, curiously - Well..they're both natural redheads, in case you were wondering.
[Jon brings his hand up to rub his forehead, closing his eyes as he laughs, muttering 'oh gods..']
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. He drops his bag to the ground, unzipping his jacket.]
Sansa, scoffing - You can’t be serious? You really want to do that? [She gestures to the lake.]
Sandor, frustrated - Of course I don’t fucking want to! But this shit needs to get done. [He throws his jacket to the ground, shivering. Sansa laughs, taking her bag off her back.]
Sansa, into the camera - I’ll do it.
[Sandor turns to her, his face outraged.]
Sandor, angrily - For fuck’s sake, we can’t take that back! You have to do it now!
[Sansa bends down to pick up his jacket, standing and shoving it against his chest. She removes her coat, laying it on one of the benches.]
Sansa, puzzled - Have you really forgotten your partner is a Northerner? [She gestures to the lake.] I've done this hundreds of times! [She puts her hands on her hips.] Now, are you done arguing with me so I can go finish this?
[She stares at him, eyes wide, waiting. Sandor sighs, frustrated. He glares at her.]
Sandor, tersely - Fine.
Sansa, sarcastic - Oh, thank you for your permission!
[Sandor holds out his jacket, straightening it quickly and shoving his arms through the sleeves. He zips it up over his chin, lifting the hood up over his head and crossing his arms, shivering.]
Sandor, his voice muffled through his jacket - Are you going to do it naked?
Sansa, laughing - No. You would like that too much.
[Sandor rolls his eyes, looking away as she finishes stripping down to her panties and bra. She politely declines the wetsuit an assistant holds out to her as she jogs over to the lake.]
[Camera pans to an approaching taxi. Arya jumps out before the car can stop fully, her bag bouncing on her back as she runs to the clue box. Tyene gets out after her, stopping to duck back into the car. We hear her yelling in Old Rhoynish before she stands up, slamming the door shut.]
[Subtitles for Tyene read - “Why would you be a taxi driver if you don’t know where you’re going, you ignorant donkey!]
[Arya drops her bag at the clue box, pulling out a yellow envelope from inside. Tyene is by her side when Arya rips it open, both girls' eyes scanning the paper.]
Arya, excited - FUCK YES! [She turns to camera.] I'm fucking doing it!
[Arya drops the clue, stripping off all her clothes and throwing them on top of her bag, running over to the lake completely naked. Tyene’s lips twitch with amusement as she watches Arya join the line of people at the lake. Tyene shivers, zipping her jacket up further and crossing her arms.]
[Camera cuts to a close up of the lake. Tormund comes up from the water and he pulls himself up from the exit hole, howling into the sky. An assistant with a towel jerks back from surprise. Tormund smiles happily, taking the towel from her and rubbing his hair briskly before handing it back, his eyes wild and his hair sticking up everywhere. He howls again as he runs back to Brienne. The assistant tilts her head to the side, watching him run away. She looks very impressed.]
[The camera pans back to the exit hole as Ygritte's head pops up. She lifts herself up onto the ice, howling as she stands and takes a towel from another assistant. She runs back to Jon, taking the towel with her.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she jumps into the water. The shot pans and we see her shadowy figure swim smoothly under the ice.
[Camera cuts to Sandor’s face as he watches for Sansa to come back up. His eyes are focused intently, his face blank.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa emerging from the water, smiling as she brushes her hair back from her face. She lifts herself up, thanking the assistant who hands her a towel.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he exhales sharply. He turns, grabbing his bag and putting it on his back. He holds her bag in one hand and her clothes in the other, waiting. Camera zooms out as Sansa enters the frame, jogging up to Sandor’s side. She's smiling as she takes her clothes from his outstretched hand but he isn't looking at her.]
Sansa, panting - Thank you. [She looks at him curiously.] You didn’t enjoy the view?
[Sandor scoffs, rolling his eyes. Sansa turns, walking towards the tent. She pauses at the entrance, looking over her shoulder at him.]
Sansa, teasing - Hmm, that's a shame.
[He turns his head sharply to her, his face confused. She laughs, ducking into the tent.]
[Camera pans to another taxi approaching. Gendry and Podrick exit, getting their bags and running over to the clue box. Camera pans over as another taxi pulls up, Davos and Melisandre exiting, Davos carrying his bag. He waves to his son as he jogs over to him at the clue box. Gendry smiles at him happily, handing Davos a yellow envelope. Melisandre walks to the lakeside, staring out over the water. She takes a deep breath in through her nose, closing her eyes. She isn’t wearing a coat, but seems fine.]
[Camera pans back to the tent as Sansa emerges, her hand full of wet underwear. Sandor inhales sharply, looking away from her hand. She smirks as she grabs her bag from his hand, unzipping the front pocket and stuffing her wet underwear in it, zipping it back up. She stands up, getting her coat from the bench and putting her arms through the sleeves. She looks up at Sandor, amused. He's looking out over the lake with his hands on his hips, his eyebrows furrowed. An assistant comes up to Sansa, handing her a yellow clue envelope. Sansa thanks him and hands it over to Sandor, looking down and zipping up her coat. He clears his throat, blinking as he rips it open and pulls out the paper inside. He holds it so Sansa can read it.]
Sansa - It’s the Detour!
Petyr voiceover - In this detour, teams will be given a choice between two tasks - ‘By Foot’ or ‘By Smell’.
[Camera cuts to footage of a local campsite.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘By Foot’, teams must travel by foot to this nearby campsite and help the locals build this structure, called a lavvu. This challenge is both physically demanding as well as mentally taxing. These structures are not easy to build and the materials used are heavy. Team members will receive their next clue only when the local builder approves of their work. If the teams don’t work together to complete this … they could become a foot behind.
[Camera cuts to footage of a snow-covered building.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘By Smell’, teams must travel to this nearby eatery where they will partake in a local delicacy - Surströmming.
What teams don’t know is Surströmming is raw herring that has been placed inside a container underground for six months with just enough salt to prevent rotting. This fermentation process gives the fish its characteristic strong smell - giving it the title of one of the smelliest foods in the world. Teams will receive their next clue once each member has finished an entire bowl. This task is straightforward, but teams with a sensitive stomach… might feel like a fish out of water.
[Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa, both reading the clue. In the background, we see Tormund and Brienne getting into their taxi, Tormund laughing triumphantly. Sandor turns to see Ygritte and Jon also getting into their cab. Sandor turns back to the paper in his hands, shaking his head.]
Sandor, rushed - We don’t have time to build anything. Fuck.. let’s just do the eating one.
[He stuffs the paper back in the envelope and jogs towards their cab. We can see Sansa trying not to laugh as she jogs behind him. Sandor opens the taxi door for her, a confused look on his face as she gets into the car.]
Sandor, confused - Wait, why is it called ‘By Smell’?
[We hear Sansa laugh as Sandor gets into the taxi and shuts the door. The taxi drives away, passing an approaching taxi. The car stops, Margaery and Bronn getting out, both carrying their bags.]
Bronn, shivering - Shit, it’s colder than a snowman’s cock out here!
[Margaery giggles, shaking her head as she kisses him on the cheek. He smirks at her, waggling his eyebrows. They jog over to the clue box, opening it and pulling out a yellow envelope. Bronn rips it open and they read it silently.]
Bronn, surprised - Oh, fuck no!
[Camera pans over to the lake. Podrick is running back to the shore wearing a wetsuit. He's soaking wet and has two towels wrapped around his shoulders. We hear him mutter ‘shit, shit, shit’ as he runs. Gendry holds his clothes out to him and Podrick grabs them, ducking down into the tent.]
[Camera pans back over the lake. Melisandre is completely nude, emerging from the water serenely. The assistant offers her a towel but she shakes her head. She walks across the lake to Davos. He is looking up at the sky as she approaches him.]
Davos, hesitantly - Uhh.. would you like to get a towel?
Melisandre, simply - No.
Davos, hesitantly - Does..it offend your god? [Melisandre smiles and nods, although Davos can’t see her. He sighs, putting his hands on his hips as he continues to look up at the sky.]
[Camera cuts to the local eatery. Tormund is sitting at the bar, eating his fish eagerly. Brienne is sitting next to him, grimacing as she stares into the bowl in front of her.]
[A waitress is serving Ygritte and Jon their bowls at the bar. Jon thanks her as they start eating without difficulty. Arya is sitting at a table with an empty bowl in front of her, facing Tyene. Tyene is breathing deeply through her mouth with her eyes closed. Her bowl is full.]
[Camera pans to the door as Sansa enters, Sandor behind her. Sandor grimaces as he walks through the door.]
Sandor, defeated - Fuck. I hate fish.
[Sansa turns to him wide-eyed.]
Sansa, panicked - oh gods, you hate fish? Why didn’t you say anything?!
[Sandor sighs as he walks over to an empty space at the bar, raising a hand in the air to signal the waitress. He takes his bag off, setting it on the floor as Sansa comes and stands next to him. She puts a hand on his arm.]
Sansa, worried - Sandor. You’ll never get through it. It’s basically almost rotten fish.
[Sandor grimaces as the waitress sets the bowls down in front of them. He sits down on the bench next to Tormund, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.]
Sandor, eyes closed - No, we don’t have time to switch to the building one. Fuck! [He puts his elbows on the bartop, his head in his hands.]
Tormund, loudly, happily - It’s just like my mom makes it!
[Tormund picks up his bowl, making loud slurping sounds as he drinks the juice. Sandor gags, his face green.]
[Camera turns as Ygritte and Jon stand up, both finished with their bowls. They're putting their bags on as the waitress comes and gives them a yellow clue envelope. Jon nods politely at her as he takes it. They make their way to the exit.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot of the eatery. Ygritte rips open the clue envelope and pulls the papers out.]
Jon, smiling - Pit Stop!
[Camera cuts to pre-recorded footage of a snowy village.]
Petyr voiceover - The town of Whitetree sits on the edge of a mountain valley known as The Skirling Pass. Once a pathway for White Walkers on their journey to decimate human life as we know it, it is now a bustling village where families live and children play. It’s here in the town center that teams must meet me on the coveted Westerosi Pit Stop Mat. The last team to arrive..may be eliminated.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - We hear Petyr sigh. “Are we sure I have to be the one to meet them this time? What if we had like.. a fun local meet them instead? Like that other show?” We hear a muffled response. “No, I know they have the host stand with them too but wouldn’t it be more cultural if we just let the local do it? By themself?” More muffled noises. “Oh, fuck off, Varys.”]]
[Camera cuts back to Ygritte and Jon as they jog over to their taxi, Jon opening the door for Ygritte. He ducks inside after her and the taxi pulls away.]
[Camera cuts back to Tormund as he licks his fingers and sets his bowl aside. He leans over to Brienne.]
Tormund, curious - Aren’t you from an island? How do you not like fi- [Brienne puts her fingers over his mouth, gagging]
Brienne, miserable - Stop talking. You have rotten fish breath.
[Tormund smiles, kissing her fingers. Brienne lowers her hand immediately, scowling at him as she wipes her hand off on her jacket. He gestures to the bowl with his chin, a confused look on his face.]
Brienne, sighing - I do like fish. We eat fish every day - fresh fish, not this. [She sullenly taps the bowl in front of her.]
[Tormund frowns, looking down at the bowl. He purses his lips, thinking.]
[The camera shifts to pan around the room. Arya is speaking quietly to Tyene. Her bowl is now one-third empty as she chugs water from her glass. Arya is nodding at her encouragingly.]
[Camera pans over to Sansa and Sandor. Sansa's bowl is empty in front of her as she delicately blots her mouth with a napkin. No one else has a napkin. Sandor’s eyes are closed and he’s breathing roughly through his mouth. Sansa pushes her bowl to the side as she drinks from her water glass. She sets her glass down as she looks over at Sandor.]
Sansa, overly positive - Come on, just think of it as protein! Think of all those delicious grams of protein that will help your giant muscles grow!
[Sandor opens his eyes, looking over at her. Sansa is smiling widely at him. She nudges the bowl closer to him and he grimaces.]
Sandor, eyes closed again - Oh fuck, don’t make it move. It jiggles. [He gags, making a loud coughing sound.]
[Sansa looks behind the bar for the waitress, smiling as she gestures for her to come over. The waitress comes to stand in front of her, smiling warmly at Sansa.]
Sansa, kindly - Hi! My friend here would like some crackers, if you have them? [The waitress chuckles, nodding as she ducks down behind the bar. Sansa leans over the bartop.] Oh, and a giant pitcher of water, please? [The waitress looks up, nodding again as she stands, putting a packet of crackers on the bartop. Sansa smiles at her, opening the packet of crackers as the waitress fills a pitcher full of water.]
[Camera cuts to the entrance as Melisandre and Davos enter. Melisandre is dressed, although her hair is dripping. Davos wrinkles his nose as he closes the door behind him. He looks around at other teams, craning his neck to look into the bowls.]
Davos, in awe - Lord of Light… [Melisandre turns to him with a pleased smile on her face]
Melisandre, smiling - Yes, now you see.
[She sits down at the bar where Jon and Ygritte were as Davos blinks at her, shaking his head. He sits down on the bench next to her as a waitress brings them their bowls. Melisandre begins eating easily while Davos looks down and grimaces.]
[Camera cuts back to Brienne. Tormund is sitting down next to her, straddling the bench with a pack of crackers in his hand. He puts a small spoonful of fish on top of a cracker, placing it in front of Brienne. She sighs, picking it up and taking a small bite. She chews quickly, her eyes closed. Tormund holds a glass of water in front of her. Brienne opens her eyes and looks around. She sees the glass and takes it, drinking deeply. Tormund smiles and signals to the waitress for more water.]
[Camera pans to the entrance as Margaery and Bronn enter, Bronn's hair wet. They both gag immediately.
Margaery, shaking her head - No, no. no. [She backs out of the room.]
Bronn, disgusted - What the fuck died in here??
[He turns, following Margaery out of the eatery.]
[Camera swivels to show Sansa loading up crackers for Sandor. She places them in a straight line in front of him as he breathes deeply, his eyes closed.]
Sansa, focusing on her hands, working - Ok, this is your last chance to change over to the building Detour. [Sandor shakes his head.] Alright then this is what we’re going to do. [Sandor begins to open his eyes. Sansa claps her hand over his eyes quickly.] Nope, just keep your eyes closed. [She removes her hand, working on the crackers again.] Hold out your hand and I’ll put a cracker in it. Just take it and shove it into your mouth. I’ll put your water in the other hand and you can drink as much as you want. You’re going to just shove and eat, ok?
[Sandor smirks, waggling his eyebrows at her even though his eyes are closed. She laughs, smacking him on the arm. She puts his glass of water in his hand. He holds on to it tightly.]
Sansa, authoritatively - Ok, let’s do this. Put out your hand.
[Sandor sighs as he lays his hand palm up on the bartop. Sansa places a loaded cracker on it and he immediately puts it in his mouth, chewing quickly. He drinks from his water and holds his hand out again. They begin a steady process of shoving and eating.]
[Camera pans around to Arya and Tyene, her bowl half empty. Arya is loading the fish onto crackers for her, her eyes continuously scanning the room, watching the other teams. She whispers to Tyene, who nods.]
[Camera cuts back to Melisandre, an empty bowl in front of her. She sits patiently, watching Davos as he eats. He has one hand pinching his nose closed as he takes another bite. He gags but keeps chewing, his whole body shuddering as he swallows. He sighs, reaching into the bowl for another piece.]
[Camera zooms out to show the whole room. Tormund is loading Brienne’s crackers, puttings bigger spoonfuls on the crackers than the last time we saw him. Brienne’s eyes are closed as she chews. She opens her eyes, nodding to him for another cracker. Her bowl is half-empty. Sansa is working steadily to fill Sandor’s crackers. His bowl is half-empty and his eyes are open now as he grabs his own crackers from the tabletop, eating them quickly as Sansa lays them down. He gags, chugging water to keep it down as he grabs another cracker. Tyene is drinking from her glass, her bowl two-thirds empty now.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot as Ygritte and Jon jog towards Petyr on the Pit Stop Mat, their bags bouncing on their backs. Petyr smiles at them as they arrive, both of them panting.]
Petyr - Ygritte and Jon… I’m pleased to tell you that you are team number one!
[Jon and Ygritte look at each other, smiling. Ygritte reaches out to hug Jon to her as his eyes go wide. She laughs as he holds his hands out wide, not touching her.]
Ygritte, amused - For fuck’s sake, Jon!
[She reaches out, batting his hands so they come to wrap around her. He hugs her awkwardly, his hands trying to move around her bag. She laughs again as she lets him go. They stand facing Petyr, Ygritte winking at Jon as he smiles at her.]
Petyr - Now, do you think the fact that you’re both from the North helped you on this leg?
[Jon and Ygritte exchange a look.]
Jon, confused - Uh.. yeah?
[He looks at Ygritte, gesturing with his chin questioningly towards Petyr. Ygritte shrugs, her face bewildered.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot as Podrick sits on Gendry's shoulders, trying to attach a big sheet of canvas to a bundle of wooden poles in a wide triangle shape. A local woman shakes her head, raising her hands in the air as she yells directions at them. Gendry and Podrick both look overwhelmed as they nod, both trying to do as she says.]
[The shot widens as a taxi approaches, Margaery and Bronn exiting. They're making exaggerated gagging noises and laughing as they approach the campsite, greeting the woman happily. She turns to them, smiling as she gestures to a huge pile of building materials. Bronn and Margaery’s faces fall.]
[Camera cuts back to the Eatery. Sandor stands up, wiping his fingers off with Sansa’s napkin, his empty bowl sitting on the bartop. He drinks the last of his water as Sansa stands, putting her bag on and thanking the waitress. The waitress nods, handing them their yellow envelope. Sansa takes it as Sandor puts his bag on and they walk towards the door.]
[Camera cuts over to Arya and Tyene. Tyene has her eyes closed, chewing as Arya lays out the last cracker for her, the bowls on the table both empty now. Tyene opens her eyes, taking her water from Arya with a grateful nod. Tyene looks down, taking the last cracker and shoving it in her mouth.]
[Camera pans over to Davos as he gags again, still holding his nose as his empty bowl sits on the bartop in front of him.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne. She and Tormund are making their way to the exit, yellow envelope in Tormund’s hand. Brienne’s face is green but she smiles weakly, nodding at Tormund as he holds the door open for her.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot of a finished lavvu, Podrick and Gendry both panting heavily as the woman in charge hands them their clue. She wraps her arms around their necks, yanking them towards her for a hug. Podrick and Gendry smile awkwardly, patting her on the back.]
[Camera pans over to Margaery and Bronn. Four local young men are helping Bronn build as Margaery simpers at them, thanking them profusely for their kind help. Bronn shakes his head, smiling as he bends down, stacking the last of the logs for the base of the lavvu. The local men push each other while they work, all vying for Margaery’s attention. She bats her eyelashes at them theatrically.]
[Camera cuts to shots of the teams that are still racing. Sandor and Sansa are in the back of a taxi, Sandor’s face is pale and his eyes are closed. Sansa looks over and smiles sympathetically at him. She pats his knee in a comforting gesture, looking out the window as her hand stays on his leg. He opens his eyes and looks at her hand. He closes his eyes again, breathing deeply through his nose.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund and Brienne. They’re in the back of a taxi, Tormund rubbing Brienne's back as she slumps over in the backseat. She shoves his hand away and he offers her a water bottle instead. She nods her head, accepting it gratefully.]
[Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick in the back of a taxi. They're both gesturing loudly to the driver, trying to point him in the right direction. The driver speaks loudly back at them, throwing his hands up in the air. Everyone looks confused. Gendry looks down at the clue in his hand, frustrated.]
[Camera cuts to Melisandre and Davos in the back of a taxi. They're sitting calmly, Melisandre looking out the window. Davos has a hand over his mouth as he looks out of his own window. He burps quietly, grimacing.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot of another completed lavvu. Margaery is cheering and jumping as the local woman hands Bronn their yellow clue. She gives the woman a hug and the woman returns it happily. Margaery turns to Bronn, hugging his arm as he opens their envelope, the men behind Margaery looking at her wistfully.]
[Camera frame turns into a five-way picture-in-picture showing the teams in taxis as they navigate to the Pit Stop.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior view of Petyr waiting on the mat. He watches as a taxi pulls up, the angle not showing us who it is.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor’s foot exiting the taxi. The shot pans up and we see him step out fully, grabbing his bag. Sansa is exiting the other side, putting her bag on as they both jog up to the mat. Sandor stops jogging, walking instead behind Sansa with his hand on his stomach. Sansa smiles widely at Sandor as they both arrive at the mat. He nods at her, continuing to hold his stomach.]
Petyr - Well! Sansa and Sandor! I’m pleased to tell you that you guys are… team number two!
[Sansa beams at Sandor. He grimaces, his face turning slightly green.]
Petyr, maliciously - Now, Sandor, do you think it’s safe to say Sansa carried you this leg? [He raises an eyebrow at Sandor.]
Sandor, glaring at Petyr - Obviously.
Petyr, prying - And how do you feel about that?
[Sansa turns to Sandor, her face curious. Sandor looks down at her before looking back to Petyr. His face is blank.]
Sandor, simply - She’s a good partner to have.
[Sandor looks down at her again as she beams up at him. The corner of his mouth turns up slightly. They both turn to face Petyr.]
Petyr, sourly - Well.. that’s great. Congratulations to you both. [He gestures to the road, where a taxi is pulling up.] Ah, we have another team arriving now!
[Camera cuts to show us Tormund and Brienne both exiting, Tormund helping Brienne put her bag on. She nods appreciatively to him and he smiles as they walk down to the mat side by side. Sansa and Sandor walk off the mat, exiting the frame as Brienne and Tormund step on it.]
Petyr - Tormund and Brienne, I’m pleased to tell you… you are team number three!
[Tormund looks at Brienne with a wide smile. She smiles weakly back at him. She turns to face Petyr.]
Brienne, politely - Do you have a bucket?
[Brienne bends over, puking loudly all over Petyr’s feet. Petyr's face shows shock and complete horror. Tormund laughs uproariously.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr is wearing different clothes, his hands on his hips as he faces someone off-camera, the Pit Stop mat behind him. “Are we sure the mat is clean? I’m not going near it unless it’s been sanitized properly.” We hear mumbling from off-camera. “None of it even got in my mouth, Varys, so fuck off. ” More mumbling. “What do you mean ‘turn around’, that doesn’t make an- oh. I didn’t hear your taxi approach.” Petyr turns to face the mat and we see Arya and Tyene waiting. Petyr looks around them, towards the street. He looks left and right, confused. “Where is your taxi?” The girls look at each other and smile.]]
[Camera cuts to Petyr standing just behind the mat, facing Arya and Tyene.]
Petyr - Arya and Tyene, you are team number… four! [The girls face each other and nod, disappointed.]
Petyr - Now, Tyene, how do you feel about today’s challenges? Were they difficult for you as someone from the South?
Tyene, nodding - Yes, I wouldn’t have gotten through it without Arya.
[Petyr nods his head absentmindedly, looking down at the mat suspiciously.]
Petyr, distractedly - Yes, yes. That’s great, wonderful.. for you. [He squints, bending over slightly to look closer at the mat, his face cringing.]
[Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick’s arrival. Petyr is standing on the mat wearing a third set of clothing as they approach.]
Petyr - Gendry and Podrick, you guys are team number… five!
[Podrick and Gendry look at each other, relieved.]
Podrick, nonchalantly - Have the girls arrived? Tyene and Arya?
[Petyr rolls his eyes and walks out of the frame.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr as he stands on the mat, Davos and Melisandre walking up to him. Petyr smiles tensely.]
Petyr - Davos and Melisandre… you are team number six!
Davos, shocked - We aren’t last? [He turns to Melisandre, a cheerful smile on his face.]
Petyr, annoyed - No, I literally just told you you were team number six. [Davos turns back to Petyr.]
Davos, politely - Do you have a bucket?
[Petyr lets out a high-pitched scream, flinging his arms as he runs out of the frame immediately.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr as he waits on the mat. Margaery and Bronn get out of their taxi and walk hand in hand up to him.]
Petyr - Margaery and Bronn… you are the seventh team to arrive.
[Margaery looks over at Bronn, a relieved look on her face. Bronn nods, blowing a relieved breath out of his cheeks.]
Petyr, wincing - Unfortunately, it is my understanding that not only did you receive help at the Detour, but you also took a taxi there when the instructions implicitly told you to travel by foot. I’ll need you two to wait out your 60-minute penalty. [He gestures for them to move to the side.]
[Margaery looks around. It’s snowing lightly as the sun starts to go down. She looks back at Petyr, not-subtly pushing her chest up higher. Bronn hides his snicker with a cough.]
Margaery, sadly - Well. It’s awfully cold out here. [She pouts, pushing her lower lip out.] Are you super sure we need to stay and wait? I don’t think any teams would come up behind us that soon…
[Petyr stares at Margaery's chest. It’s enclosed in a puffy jacket but Margaery fiddles with the zipper in her fingers, lowering it a couple of inches.]
Petyr, airily, still staring - Uhhh.. no. Ah.. I think that uh.. It would be fine.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - We hear mumbling from off-screen. Petyr angrily snaps. “Oh fuck off, Varys! You have me stuck in this frozen fuckhole, I’m going to do what I want!” He turns back to Margaery with a smarmy smile on his face.]
Petyr, smiling - No, I think you guys are fine. You’re officially checked in. Congratulations, Team number seven! [He reaches out for a hug from her, but she cheers and hugs Bronn instead. Petyr's face falls as he glares at her back.]
[Camera cuts to a wide shot of the frozen lake as the sun is setting. We're following Petyr as he approaches the last team. Jaime's in his underwear, holding a wetsuit. Sarella is holding his clothing in her arms, her face miserable as she shivers in her thick coat. She's watching Jaime try to put one of his legs in his wetsuit. Jaime winces as a gust of wind blows across his naked chest. Petyr clears his throat causing Jaime and Sarella to turn and look at him.]
Petyr, somber - Jaime. Sarella. I’m sorry to tell you.. All of the other teams have checked in. You've been eliminated from the Race.
Jaime, relieved - Oh thank the gods. I really didn’t want to get in that water.
[Sarella nods emphatically.]
- - -
“.. one slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit!”
The group laughed loudly as Gendry told the punchline. Most of the contestants were gathered around the fireplace in the small lodge the production studio had rented out for them for the night.
Sandor looked across the room at Sansa, catching her eye. Her cheeks were pink as she laughed, shaking her head. He smirked, raising his eyebrows at her to see if she would get embarrassed. Instead, she raised an eyebrow at him, smirking back. He barked a laugh, surprised.
Arya wiped the tears away from her eyes. “Oh gods, where’s SnowGlow? I know Jon has some fucking fantastically filthy jokes, too. Something about a stick of butter and a ladle...” She leaned forward, looking around the room.
Brienne looked at her, confused. “Snowglow? What does that mean?”
Arya rested her forearms on her knees, looking over at Brienne. “Their team name. Didn’t you notice every season the show usually gives the teams these dumbass nicknames?" She gestured to Sansa, "Sorority Sisters." She gestured to Sandor. "'The Carpenters'. But our teams got all fucked up now so Jon and Ygritte are SnowGlow." She held up one hand." His last name..” She held her other hand. “..and the fire-red glow of her hair.” She put the two hands together. “SnowGlow.” She sat back, smiling proudly.
Brienne's face was still confused. “Wait so, Production gave us these names?”
Arya sat up, her face proud as she gestured to herself and Tyene. “No, we thought of them on that last long-ass flight we had. You and Tormund are the Brawns.” Arya lifted up her arm, flexing her lean muscles.
Brienne looked over at Tormund. He grinned widely at her, his eyes crinkling. “Fuck yeah.” He held up one of his arms, flexing his impressive bicep. He held out his beer with the other hand, waiting for her to clink hers against it.
Brienne thought for a moment, nodding her head reluctantly as she raised her beer to his, making a small clink sound. She looked back to Arya. “I think it’s accurate.”
Arya did a small theatrical bow. “I thank you.”
Sandor shook his head. “Won’t that get fucking confusing with the actual Bronn?”
Arya laughed, shaking her head. “No, Bronn and Margie are The Lovers. Because they’re definitely upstairs fucking right now.” She grinned at Sandor. He furrowed his brows, looking around the group.
Damn, I didn’t even notice that fucker slip away.
“Ok so, what are we?” Podrick gestured to himself and Gendry next to him.
Tyene cackled. “The Dicks.”
Gendry barked a laugh, his face shocked. “Wait, wait! We’ve been nothing but nice to you!” He gestured to Tyene and Arya as they laughed loudly.
Arya tried to breathe. “No, no. It’s because you’re the only all-male team.” Tyene nodded, agreeing.
Podrick pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes at them. “That still makes us sound like we’re assholes.”
Arya thought for a second. “The Penises?”
Gendry shook his head, looking down at the beer bottle in his hand. “'The Dicks' is fine.” Podrick nodded, widening his eyes as he lifted his beer to his mouth.
Tormund smiled, pointing a finger at Arya. “Does that mean you’re The Pussies?” Brienne batted his finger away from her face, scowling at him as he laughed.
Podrick shook his head. “No, they’re The PussyCats.”
The group looked at him as a whole, most faces shocked. He shook his head quickly, laughing. “No, no. because they’re sneaky .” He tilted his head to the side, considering. “Well, and also the girl thing too. It fits either way.” He shrugged a shoulder as Tyene gasped, throwing a pillow at him. He caught it easily, hugging it to his chest as he laughed.
Tormund leaned forward, looking around the group. “Ok so who does that leave? Sandor and Sansa?”
Arya rolled her eyes. “Obviously SanSan, that’s the easiest one.”
Sandor looked over at Sansa. She looked at him, shrugging her shoulder and nodding. She looked over at her sister. “From Arya, I was expecting way worse.”
Arya turned towards Sansa, scoffing. “Hey, I can think of something else if you don’t like it.”
Sansa quickly objected, holding up her hands in surrender. “No, no. SanSan is great. We’ll take it.” She looked over at Sandor and he nodded, agreeing.
Gendry looked at Arya, his eyes narrowed playfully. “That just leaves my dad.”
Sandor looked around the group, noticing now that not only were Jon, Ygritte, Bronn and Margaery missing, he also didn't see Melisandre. He had seen Davos enter his and Gendry's room earlier, going to bed first. Sandor shrugged, looking back at Arya.
She smiled. “I actually like your dad so we went easy on him. They're 'WhiteWitch'.”
Gendry furrowed his brows, thinking. “Because of… his hair? And her like, weird, creepy dark thing?”
Arya nodded. “Yep.”
Sandor shuddered. Witch felt accurate.
Fucking red witch creeps me the fuck out.
Sansa stood up, adjusting her pajama pants as she nodded to the group. “Well, on that cheery note, I’m headed to bed.” She nodded to everyone, walking towards the stairs.
Arya called out after her, a shit-eating grin on her face. “Expect to do much sleeping with two people fucking in your room?”
Sansa turned to face her. “And how do you know they aren’t in Sandor and Bronn’s room?" She put a hand on her hip, tilting her head to the side with her eyebrows raised. "Listening in at the door again?”
Arya scoffed, offended. “I didn’t even have to!” She gestured upstairs. “Anyone walking down the hallway can hear her shrieking like a banshee. I don’t know what Bronn is doing in there but Margaery is having a good time, for suuuure.” She waggled her eyebrows as she leaned back, her face smug. Sansa groaned, dropping her arms to her sides as she rolled her head backward, annoyed.
“You can have Bronn’s bed in our room. Obviously he won’t be needing it.” Sandor stood up, gesturing upstairs, cringing when he heard a faint thump-thump-thump sound. He walked over to the base of the stairs, looking over at Sansa expectantly.
Sansa narrowed her eyes playfully as she walked over to him. “And how can I trust you?”
He shrugged again, gesturing over his shoulder. “I can just go ask the cute girl at the front desk if she has some space in her bed if you want the room all to yourself.”
Sansa laughed, rolling her eyes as she walked up the stairs. “The front desk person was a man. Feel free to go ask him.”
Sandor bit his bottom lip, trying to hide a smile. He hadn’t really been paying attention - he was too focused on getting his and Bronn’s room key so he could shower off that fucking fish smell. He followed her up the stairs.
“If you end up fucking snoring tonight, maybe I will.”
Behind the Scenes info for Episode Two!
1. The real host of The Amazing Race (TAR) is a man named Phil Keoghan. He is nothing like Petyr - Phil would never behave like this! He's a national treasure!! But.. an honorable host isn't nearly as fun so.. We have Petyr.
2. In the last Behind-The-Scenes I forgot to mention dear, sweet Joyeuse Erenford, the shop owner. In GoT, Joyeuse married Walder Frey on his ninetieth birthday, so I made her an independent businesswoman, because you know what? Joyeuse Erenford deserves better.
3. Westerosi Theme Song - I have no words to explain this. I didn't create it but Lord of Light.. I wish I did.
4. The beautiful snowy mountains outside of the airplane window are the Swiss Alps.
5. North of the Wall airport is brought to you courtesy of Jackson Hole Airport in Wyoming, USA.
6. Google tells me that the frozen lake photo is from deep in the Ukraine Mountains. (Insert shrug here.)
7. On TAR, Season 4, Leg 10, contestants had to swim under an icy river. They had a doctor on set that wouldn't let them leave until their body temperature reached a healthy range. I guess the Westerosi Race producers don't give a fuuuuu-
8. Tyene speaks Old Rhoynish because when I was doing research on the Sand Sisters, I found out there is no 'Dornish' language! However, most Dornishmen (and women) are descendants of the Rhoynish people, who speak...drumroll please.. Old Rhoynish!
9. The Lavvu is a real thing, and that's the real name. They belong to the Sami people of Scandinavia.
10. The Eatery exterior is actually a cabin you can rent in Oregon, USA.
11. The Eatery interior is a restaurant called 'The Old Place', in California, USA.
12. Surströmming is a real thing, and it's exactly as described. Courtesy of the people of Sweden! No thanks, Sweden! 😷 It's never been featured on TAR. (That I know of.)
12. Everything on Google tells me the winter snowy village "Whitetree" is just a computer wallpaper. Is this place even real??? We'll never know.
13. The 'lodge' fireplace actually belongs to a very fancy beautiful single residence home in Montana. USA.
14. The beginning of Gendry's joke is "What do the mafia and a vagina have in common?", the answer being what he says.. "One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit!" Gendry! Honestly! So filthy. Arya's remark about a stick of butter and a ladle isn't a real joke, that I know of. And if it is real, I don't want to know about it.
And lastly, - All of the locations in every episode (The Frozen Shore, Skirling Pass, etc.) are all real locations in the GoT world. I think I have an image of the Westeros/Essos map permanently burned into my brain. On a completely unrelated note, I'm thinking about opening a business where I help people plan imaginary trips to Westeros. Anyone in need of my services?? 😂😂😂
Stay tuned for Episode Three! As my Mom would say, that's the chapter we really start 'cooking with some gas'!
Thanks for reading!
Chapter 3: Episode Three - 'Their stench is invading my pores, I can feel it.'
Hi!! Surprise! Early Chapter!
Notes are at the end - Enjoy Episode Three!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Petyr voiceover - Previously on The Westerosi Race…
[Start with a clip of Ygritte running naked out onto the ice as Jon laughs with his head down followed by a clip of them finishing the eating challenge, both happy.]
Jon and Ygritte showed their native spirit when they breezed through both the Icy Roadblock and the Smelly Detour. Will their win prove to be a one-time fluke.. or can they work this well together even when the Race moves on from their natural habitat?
[Cut to a clip of Margaery flirting with the local men as they build the lavvu.]
Margaery seems to want to use her good looks to get her and teammate Bronn through the challenges, but will it form a wedge between them if she takes it too far?
[Cut to a clip of Sansa piling fish meat on top of a cracker and placing it in Sandor’s hand followed by a clip of Sandor walking easily through the sheep from Episode One.]
Sansa and Sandor did well in last week’s episode due to Sansa’s ease with the culture and weather found North of the Wall. During week one, they performed well due to Sandor’s knowledge of the Westerlands. How will they fare this week in a place new to them both?
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking in orange sand with large dunes behind him.]
Petyr - All of this and more on this week’s episode of The Westerosi Race!
[Jon and Ygritte are standing on the mat, facing the camera. It’s dark outside but neither are shivering. Ygritte has a yellow envelope in her hand down by her side. She whispers something to Jon and he laughs, blushing. She tucks a piece of hair behind his ear with her free hand, whispering something else that makes him look at her, smiling.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - We hear someone clear their throat loudly from off-camera. Jon and Ygritte don’t notice, still talking softly to each other. Jon whispers something and Ygritte laughs loudly. Someone clears their throat again, louder this time. Jon notices and looks over, straightening his shoulders. He apologizes as Ygritte whispers something else to him quickly. He laughs loudly, looking at her as his cheeks turn bright red.]]
Petyr voiceover - Each team will be departing ten minutes apart based on the order they placed in the previous leg. For this leg of the race, each team will receive $132. Ygritte and Jon are the first team to depart.
[Ygritte rips open the yellow clue envelope, pulling out the paper and angling it so Jon can read it aloud.]
Jon, deadpan - Make your way to the Meereen.
[Jon and Ygritte look at each other, wide-eyed.]
Ygritte, to Jon - I guess it’s a good thing your long underwear is ruined anyways.
[She laughs with Jon as his face turns red again.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking in front of a body of water, high pyramids in the background.]
Petyr - Once known as the third-largest city in Slaver’s Bay, this now-free metropolis is home to one of the largest ports along the coast of newly-named Freedom Waters. Meereen is home to one of Essos’ largest structures, The Meereen Pyramids. The city has many pyramids scattered throughout but the largest of which, The Great Pyramid, stands at 800 feet. It’s here, at the base of this pyramid, where teams will find their next clue.
- - -
Sansa opened her eyes, wincing at the pain in her neck. She lifted her head up, massaging her neck and shoulder as she looked out the window.
“You know, it’s funny. You don’t snore in a bed but you snore very loudly in an airplane.”
She looked over at him, wincing again at her neck. “I do not!”
He looked over at her skeptically. “Oh really? Then why can’t I hear out of this fucking ear now?” He pointed to his right ear, his face amused.
She laughed, shaking her head at him. “You could’ve woken me up, you know. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” She rubbed his sleeve where a spot of drool left a dark mark, grimacing. “Oh gods, I’m sorry.”
He looked down at his sleeve, lifting his arm slightly. He put his arm back down, shrugging. “Small price to pay to get some peace and quiet around here.” The corner of his mouth turned up a bit as he looked back down at the book he was reading.
She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Oh, please. I heard Margaery offer her seat next to Bronn to you. This is a prison of your own choosing.” She unbuckled her seatbelt, gesturing to the aisle on the other side of his seat. “I need to get out.” She smiled awkwardly.
He pressed his book flat against his chest and moved his legs, trying to make room but he still blocked her way. He sighed, unbuckling his seatbelt and moving to stand up into the aisle.
“No, no.” She put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from getting up. “I’ll just crawl over you, you big brute.” She smiled at him as she stood, hunched over due to the low airplane ceiling. She faced him and brought her first leg over, straddling his legs.
“Oh, excuse me!” The flight attendant waved to Sansa as she came up the middle aisle pushing the drink cart. “Just a moment!” She stopped the cart right at the end of their row, blocking Sansa from exiting.
Sansa smiled politely at her, waving that it was fine. She looked down at Sandor, his face close to hers. The way she was bent over, her chest was practically shoved into his face. She smiled tightly at him.
He looked back at her with a straight face. “You’re right, this is a terrible prison.”
She rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh as she looked up at the flight attendant. She was helping Tormund with his drink now, having already helped Brienne. Sansa put her hands up on Sandor’s headrest, her back starting to ache because of the weird angle. Sandor raised an eyebrow at that, dropping his book into her seat and lacing his fingers together across his stomach. He raised his chin up and smirked at her.
She laughed lightly, shaking her head as she looked up at the flight attendant again. She was finishing up with Gendry now, only Podrick left.
She looked down at Sandor, seeing his eyes gleaming as he looked back at her. He raised an eyebrow again. His eyes dipped down to her lips quickly before coming back up to her eyes. She widened her eyes, feeling her heartbeat speed up slightly.
“Ok, thank you for waiting!” The flight attendant moved her cart forward, unblocking Sansa’s row. Sansa blinked at her for a moment before responding.
“Oh, sure! Of course!” She waved politely again, moving her other leg over Sandor’s lap and moving fully into the aisle.
She tucked some hair behind her ear as she made her way down to the restroom.
Why didn’t I just move back into my seat?
- - -
[Camera cuts to inside a taxi. Sansa is sitting in the back, moving over in the seat as Sandor ducks down into the car, sitting next to her and slamming the door shut. Sandor leans forward to talk to the driver.]
Sandor, hurriedly - We need to go to the base of the Great Pyramid.
[The driver shakes his head at him, shrugging]
Driver, apologetically - No Common.
[Sandor groans. He asks the driver a question in broken Dothraki.]
[Subtitles for Sandor read - “Do you Dothraki?”]
[Driver shakes his head again, shrugging his shoulders. His face is confused.]
[Sansa leans forward, asking him a question in very formal High Valyrian.]
[Subtitles for Sansa read - “What about High Valyrian? Can you understand me enough?”]
[Driver’s face brightens, nodding his head. He answers back in Casual Valyrian excitedly.]
[Subtitles for Driver read - “Yes! I can understand most of what you say. Where do you need to go?”]
[Sandor leans back, his face surprised as Sansa converses with the driver, telling him where they need to go. She sits back once the car starts moving, looking out the window at the passing buildings and people.]
Sandor, amused - Were you just going to keep the fact that you speak Valyrian to yourself?
[Sansa looks over at him, an overly-snooty look on her face.]
Sansa, mimicking Sandor terribly - Yeah, cause there was really time for us to share our childhoods with each other.
[Sandor barks a laugh, shaking his head at her. She laughs, breaking character.]
[Camera cuts to the inside of a very ornate terminal at an airport. Arya and Tyene are sitting side by side silently.]
Petyr voiceover - Arya and Tyene attempted to get ahead of the pack by opting to take an earlier flight to Meereen, with a short connection in Qohor. Unfortunately, their plan backfired when they couldn’t make it to the gate in time. They are now waiting for a later flight to Meereen, but with all the other teams already here and making their way to The Great Pyramid, will their risky decision cost them the Race?
[Camera cuts to The Great Pyramid, where a taxi pulls over by the curb. The doors open, Sansa and Sandor exiting their taxi. They put their bags on their backs as they run over to the base of the pyramid, easily spotting the clue box. Sandor reaches the box first, opening it to pull a yellow envelope out. He rips it open and pulls out the papers, angling it so Sansa can see it.]
Sansa, panting - It’s the Roadblock! ‘Which of you won’t go screaming for your mummy?’
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking slowly along the sand in front of a smaller pyramid.]
Petyr - In this Roadblock, one team member will explore the bowels of history - by roaming through tunnels under one of the pyramids of Meereen! The teams have been instructed to make their way to the Pahl Pyramid. What they must figure out is that Pahl Pyramid is one of the smaller pyramids located on the outskirts of the city. [He gestures to the pyramid behind him.] Once they arrive, one team member will enter into the tombs beneath the Pyramid, roaming the complicated maze until they find a clue box. Once they’ve retrieved their clue, they must then find their way back out to their partner. This task will be difficult. Although the tunnels are lit by candlelight, they could still get turned around easily. One wrong turn … and it could be lights out.
[Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa as they read the clue. A taxi pulls up behind them, Margaery and Bronn exiting. Sansa raises her hand and waves to Margaery, smiling. Bronn and Margaery run over to join them at the clue box, Bronn carrying both bags. Margaery and Sansa greet each other in formal High Valyrian cheerily while Bronn and Sandor exchange a look over their heads. Sandor gestures to the women.]
Sandor, unamused - Do you know how in the fuck they speak Valyrian?
Bronn, laughing - Yeah, Margie told me on the flight over. They've been studying it for years. And thank fuck for that! We never would’ve gotten here as fast without it.
[Sandor reluctantly nods his head in agreement.]
Sansa - I guess we better go find this Pyramid Pahl. [She gestures to all four of them.] Do you guys just want to work together for this one?
[Everyone nods in agreement.]
Sansa, looking down at the clue - Ok, I’ll go see if our driver knows where it is. Maybe it’s close?
[Camera follows Sansa and Sandor as they make their way back to their taxi. The driver is standing outside the passenger door, leaning on the car. Sansa speaks to the driver, smiling kindly.]
[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Sir, do you know where the Pahl Pyramid is?”]
[He nods his head, pointing to a pyramid farther out of the city. Sansa turns to Margaery, calling out for them to follow in their taxi. Camera frame zooms out to show Margaery giving her a thumbs-up as everyone gets into their taxis.]
[Camera frame stays still as the two cars leave. One taxi enters the frame, parking along the street. Melisandre and Davos exit, Davos quickly putting his bag on his back. Melisandre ducks down to speak to the driver in Casual Valyrian.]
[Subtitles for Melisandre read - “Please wait here, Hazcar. We will return shortly.”]
[Davos walks quickly up to the clue box, opening it and retrieving a yellow envelope from inside. He rips open the clue as Melisandre arrives at his side. They look at each other after reading it.]
Davos - Do you know where Pahl Pyramid is?
Melisandre, shaking her head - No, but Hazcar will.
[She walks confidently back to the taxi, opening the door and ducking inside as Davos follows quickly after her and closes the door. Their taxi drives away.]
[Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick in the back of a taxi. Podrick is leaning back in the seat, his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose. Gendry is leaning forward, trying to make a triangle shape with his hands for the taxi driver. The driver points in many directions, confused. No one can understand each other. Gendry looks down at the paper clue, sighing.]
[Camera cuts to Jon and Ygritte in the back of their taxi. The driver is stuck in traffic, trying to maneuver through the city. Ygritte is leaning forward, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Sweat is dripping down from her neck as Jon fans her with a yellow envelope. He kisses her bare arm before looking up out of the front windshield. We see Ygritte smile.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund and Brienne in the back of their taxi. The driver is moving smoothly through the streets. Tormund is sweating, his face red. He looks miserable. Brienne taps him on the arm, he looks over to see her offering him a bottle of water. He smiles at her when he takes it. She smiles in return.]
Tormund, suggestively - Are you trying to replenish my fluids for later?
[Brienne scowls at him, rolling her eyes and looking away.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior view of Pahl Pyramid. Sandor, Sansa, Margaery and Bronn are all standing together, staring down into the entrance to the underground tombs. Margaery looks disgusted.]
Margaery - Yeah, I’m not going in there. [She looks to Bronn. He laughs and pulls her towards him with his arm around her shoulders, kissing her on the temple.]
Bronn, amused - Trust us, Margie. No one is surprised. [She smiles at him, turning around to take her bag off her back. She walks over to set it down near one of the benches as Bronn turns to the camera.] I'll do it.
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she looks up at Sandor. His face is uneasy.]
Sansa, quietly - Do you want to do it?
[Sandor looks down at the paper clue in his hand, reading it again. He winces slightly.]
Sandor, hesitantly - Uhh.. yeah. Sure, I can. [He takes his bag off his shoulders, his face uneasy as he turns to the benches, exiting the frame.]
[Camera stays on Sansa as she looks over at Bronn. His face is genuine as he shakes his head subtly at Sansa. She furrows her brows, looking over at Sandor.]
Sansa, brightly - Uh, actually, if you don’t mind, I would really like to do this one! [She turns, facing the camera.] I’ll do it.
[Margaery and Sandor both turn around, confused.]
Margaery, surprised - Sansa. It’s going to be filthy! Spider webs and bugs and...it’ll be dark and creepy!
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he looks at Sansa’s face closely, his hands on his hips. He looks over at Bronn but Bronn is turned away, setting his bag down next to Margaery’s. He squats down to rummage through his bag and Sandor narrows his eyes at Bronn’s back. Camera cuts back to Sansa.]
Sansa, rolling her eyes - Marg, I don't think the tunnels will have spider webs - this is probably a big tourist spot, so I bet a bunch of people walk through here all the time. Plus...I’ll just make Bronn walk in front of me. [She looks over at Bronn, smiling innocently.]
[Camera widens to include everyone in the shot as Bronn laughs, standing and turning to face the group. He gestures to the tunnel entrance.]
Bronn, happily - Well, come on. You don’t need to make up some bullshit excuse to stare at my ass.
[Margaery smiles fondly at Bronn as he turns to her. She tilts her chin up and he kisses her quickly, smiling at her before walking towards the entrance to the tunnels. He exits the frame.]
[Camera zooms in on Sandor. He touches Sansa’s arm as she turns to follow Bronn. She looks back at him, shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.]
Sandor, confused - Why did you do that?
Sansa, brightly - It'll be fun! Besides, you probably wouldn't even fit down there. [She raises herself up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek.] Be back in a flash!
[Camera follows Sansa as she jogs after Bronn, catching up to him quickly. Once they reach the entrance, Bronn steps in front of her and Sansa follows him down into the tunnels.]
[Camera cuts to show Sandor, his face surprised. He turns to look over at Margaery. She doesn’t say anything but looks at him with wide eyes and an amused smile. She turns back to the bench, sitting down to wait.]
[Camera cuts back to Bronn and Sansa. He stops them abruptly right as they’ve entered the tunnels. He looks over at her, his face solemn. He sighs before he speaks.]
Bronn, approvingly - That was a good thing you did.
Sansa, shrugging - I don’t really blame him for not liking small spaces. He’s huge so.. it makes sense.
Bronn, shaking his head - Sandor isn’t claustrophobic.
[He looks pointedly at the candles lining the wall ahead of them, not saying anything else as he turns around and walks deeper into the tunnel. Sansa looks at the flickering flames for a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face as she follows Bronn.]
[Camera cuts to the base of The Great Pyramid. Tormund and Brienne have arrived and are now exiting their taxi, Brienne holding Tormund’s bag in her hand. They jog up to the clue box and Tormund reaches in to retrieve the clue. He rips it open, holding it so Brienne can see. After reading it, they both turn to face The Great Pyramid.]
Tormund - Is this Pahl?
Brienne, frowning - I don’t know. We should find someone who speaks Common.
[Camera cuts to another taxi approaching. Jon and Ygritte exit with their bags, jogging up to join Tormund and Brienne. They get their clue and read it.]
Brienne, to Jon and Ygritte - Does your driver speak Common?
Jon, wincing - No, not really. It took ages to get him to understand where to take us.
[Brienne purses her lips, looking around the streets. She jolts with surprise as Tormund yells out next to her.]
Tormund, very loudly - Does anyone speak Common??!
[All four look around as the local people stare at them, no one coming forward. The frame zooms out as the four of them all turn and look at The Great Pyramid. Everyone is flushed and sweaty, although Tormund, Ygritte and Jon look the most uncomfortable.]
Ygritte, weakly - I don’t like the desert.
[Camera cuts back to the entrance of the tunnels at Pahl Pyramid. Camera zooms out to show Sandor s tanding at the top of the stairs with his arms crossed. He’s looking down into the entrance with a scowl on his face. There is a timer in the corner of the screen showing us the elapsed time since Sansa and Bronn entered.]
Elapsed Time - 17:32
[Camera cuts to show Margaery sitting calmly on the bench, watching Sandor with an amused look.]
Margaery, kindly - You know they’re going to be fine, right? [We hear Sandor scoff. Camera zooms out to show them both in the frame. He’s looking back at her over his shoulder.]
Sandor, tersely - I’m not worried about them. [He looks back at the entrance, his face worried.]
Margaery, amused - Bronn is good with directions, you know.
[Sandor looks over his shoulder at her again. He has a skeptical look on his face.]
Sandor - You know I’ve known him longer than you have, right? [He shakes his head in disbelief, looking back at the entrance, scowling.]
Margaery, pleasantly - Right, you guys met right after high school. You both came to that girl’s defense when a guy was harassing her.
[Sandor turns to her fully, his brows furrowed.]
Sandor - You guys have exchanged a lot if he told you that shit story.
Margaery, shrugging - Yeah well, we talk. I like him.
Sandor, curiously - You guys aren’t just fucking?
Margaery, laughing - Why can’t it be both?
[Camera pans out to show a taxi approaching, Melisandre and Davos exiting. Davos is carrying his bag as he walks to the bench. He nods to Sandor and smiles politely at Margaery, who smiles genuinely in return. Melisandre walks continuously towards the entrance, not stopping as she descends the stairs. Margaery looks back at Sandor with a kind smile on her face. Sandor scowls, turning back to watch the entrance.]
[Camera cuts to Gendry as he wanders around a dark tunnel. His face is frustrated as he turns a corner. He stops, looking back where he came from. He faces forward again, hesitantly walking. He turns another corner, letting out a relieved sigh when he sees a beam of light coming down from the exit.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot as Gendry comes up from the tunnel. His face is filthy and he’s sweaty. He looks around for Podrick before spotting him sitting over at a bench. Podrick stands, jogging over to Gendry.]
Gendry, panting - I’ve looked everywhere. I swear, there’s no clue box in the tunnels!
Podrick, sighing - Well it has to be. That’s what the clue said right? [He reaches into his bag, bringing out a yellow envelope. Gendry comes to his side and they both read the clue again.]
[Camera zooms out to show they're standing in front of The Great Pyramid.]
Gendry, exasperated - I’m telling you, it’s not in there!
[Camera cuts to Pahl Pyramid. Brienne, Jon, Margaery and Davos are now sitting on the benches, waiting. Sandor is still scowling at the entrance.]
Elapsed Time - 28:58
[Davos smiles widely as Melisandre comes up from the tunnels, a yellow clue envelope in her hand.]
Sandor, annoyed - Ok, what the fuck?
[Sandor puts his hands on his hips, watching as Davos stands, putting his bag on as he walks over to Melisandre. She hands the envelope to Davos and he says something to her quietly, smiling as he opens the clue. She nods back at him and they stand together to read the next clue. We can hear Melisandre say the word ‘Detour.’]
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking in the sand, nothing around him except camels and their handlers.]
Petyr - For this Detour, teams have a choice between two tasks, both involving these beautif-
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr gags violently. He looks behind him, his face disgusted as he glares at a camel. “Do I really have to stand so close to them? Their stench is invading my pores, I can feel it.” He wipes his hands across his cheeks. There’s mumbling from off-camera. “No, Varys, I don’t even know where to go get a facial in this orange armpit you call a country. Why you always insist on bringing me to the most desolate places, I’ll never know,” More mumbling. “Oh fuck off, Varys.”]]
Petyr - For this Detour, teams have a choice between two tasks, both involving these beautiful animals. Teams have been instructed to make their way to the Meereen Camel Reserve on the outskirts of the city. Once they’ve arrived, they will pick between ‘Palm it’ or ‘Psalm it’.
[Camera changes angle to reveal a giant hand sculpture made from sand behind Petyr.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘Palm it’, teams will ride a camel out to this well-known sculpture, ‘Desert Palm’. Erected in 1992, no one knows the artist who created this truly fascinating work of art. Once teams arrive here, they’ll learn they need to dig for their next clue - using only their hands. When teams find their clue, they may head back to the camel reservation to return their camel and then continue on the Race. This challenge will be difficult - digging by hand in the hot Meereen sun will be exhausting, but it’s straightforward and can be completed quickly, if team members work together. If not ...they’ll be a hand short of the competition.
[Camera cuts to an intricately decorated camel standing in the desert.]
Petyr voiceover - In “Psalm it’, teams will participate in a traditional festival honoring the Meereen gods - The Gods of Ghis. Team members must first decorate a camel to very exacting standards, as judged by a local shaman. Once he approves their work, they must walk it through the streets of Meereen in a parade known as “The Psalm of Ghis”. Locals here will throw flowers and beads at the feet of the team members, who must collect them as they walk.”
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking in front of an ornate temple carved into the side of a huge rock wall.]
Petyr, gesturing behind him - The parade will end here, at The Great Temple, where team members must lay their collected offerings at the base of the altar for the Gods of Ghis. After they have paid their respects, a shaman will come out and hand them their next clue. They will then leave their camels at the temple and continue on the Race. This task is less physically demanding but more complicated in nature. Team members who don’t work well together.. could end up altering their fate in the Race.
[Camera cuts back to Davos and Melisandre as they get in their taxi. They drive away and the camera pans back to Sandor as he begins pacing back and forth in front of the entrance.]
Elapsed time - 42:03
[Camera cuts to the entire group. Gendry now sits next to Jon on the bench, his face smudged with dirt. Everyone has a bored, sullen look on their face, except Sandor, who is still scowling.]
Elapsed time - 1:16:38
[Camera cuts to a different angle of the group, Sandor in the foreground. The sun is starting to go down.]
Sandor, angrily - Where the fuck is she? [He turns back to the group waiting on the benches.] Is no one else bothered by the fact that only the fucking red witch has managed to come back up?
Jon, shrugging - At least it’s probably cooler down there..?
[Sandor makes an aggravated noise.]
[Camera cuts to the tunnels. The walls are close together, but the ceilings are high enough where everyone can stand up straight. We see everyone standing in a line, their faces illuminated by many candles lining the walls. Ygritte is leading, followed by Sansa, Bronn, Podrick and Tormund. Everyone’s faces are smudged with dirt. Ygritte stops, coming to an intersection between a right turn, a left turn down some stairs, and forward. She points to the right.]
Ygritte, sighing - Ok, have we gone down this one yet?
[Sansa squints, craning her neck to peer down the tunnel. She shrugs, looking back at Bronn.]
Sansa - Do you remember if we did this one before everyone else showed up?
Bronn, shuddering - Fuck if I know. It’s hard to remember anything after I walked through that huge web.
[Tormund smiles mischievously, moving by Podrick so he can tickle the back of Bronn’s neck with his fingers. Bronn shouts loudly, jumping away from his hand. Tormund giggles.]
Bronn, accusingly - You weren’t there! You didn’t see it, that fucker was huge! [He holds his pointer finger and thumb apart six inches or so.] You don’t fuck with spiders like that, Tormund!
[Tormund laughs as Bronn turns, wiping his shoulders and arms off.]
Bronn, distracted - I still don’t know where it went. Do you see it on me, Sansa? [He turns his back to Sansa.]
[Sansa looks at Bronn’s back, trying to hide her smile.]
Sansa, voice cracking - Umm.. nope. I think you’re still all good from the last time you had me check, Bronn.
[Bronn turns back to her, his pointer finger and thumb out again.]
Bronn, defensively - It was this big. This big!
[Sansa nods her head, a pitying expression on her face. Her smile cracks slightly. Bronn glares at her playfully, shaking his head as he puts his hand down.]
Podrick, sighing - Why don’t we just put out the candles on the corners of the hallways we’ve turned down? Then we’ll know where we’ve been.
Sansa, thoughtfully - What if the candles are like.. sacred or something?
[Tormund kneels down, licking his fingers quickly and extinguishing a candle flame. He looks around expectantly. Sansa looks down at him, a hand on her hip and her face unamused. He stands back up, grinning.]
Tormund, amused - No mummies coming for us.
[Sansa scoffs, although her face is amused. She drops the arm from her hip, shaking her head at him.]
Bronn - I think it’s a good plan. I want to get out of this fucking place.
[Everyone nods in agreement. Ygritte turns towards the right to lead them down the hallway. Tormund snuffs out the candle on the corner as he passes it.]
[Camera cuts to an interior airplane shot showing Arya and Tyene sitting next to each other. Arya’s eyes are closed but her knee is bouncing impatiently. Tyene is looking out the window calmly while she grips Arya’s hand. Both girls' knuckles are white.]
Petyr voiceover - Tyene and Arya are now making their way to Meereen. With such a late departure, will they make it in time to stay in the Race?
[Camera cuts to Davos and Melisandre, the sun setting in the background as Davos digs in the sand in front of a large hand statue. He is sweaty, breathing hard and covered in orange sand. Melisandre is kneeling next to him gracefully, gently moving sand up from the hole Davos is working on. She is clean and breathing normally, although there is a big pile of sand next to her that she has removed from the hole. Davos stops to look over at her.]
Davos, thoughtfully - So how do you know what you see in the fire is from your Lord of Light?
Melisandre, eyes focused on her hands - I don’t. Only the Lord of Light knows the truth.
Davos, confused - So.. how do you know what he wants you to do?
Melisandre, eyes still focused down - You will always do what you have been meant to do.
[Davos sits back, a thoughtful expression on his face.]
Davos - Huh.
[He goes back to scooping sand out of their hole.]
[Camera cuts to the group waiting at Pahl Pyramid. It’s dark now. The area is lit by fire torches all around Pahl Pyramid and the benches. Jon is laying on the ground sideways, grabbing handfuls of sand and letting the sand fall from his hand into a pile, creating a mountain shape. Camera zooms out to show Gendry sitting next to him, stabbing the top of the mountain with a flag made from a folded up clue paper. Jon looks over at him, smiling as he nods. Brienne is talking quietly with Margaery as they sit on the benches. Sandor is sitting at the top of the stairs, his feet resting on one step lower than his body. He has his elbows resting on his knees as he stares down at the entrance.]
Elapsed time - 1:48:27
Brienne, quietly - And how do you get your legs back to make that possible?
Margaery, smiling - Oh, I can show you a couple of moves that will really stretch out your quads, if you’d like.
[Brienne thinks for a moment before nodding. Margaery smiles brightly at her.]
Sandor, loudly, relieved - Oh, thank fuck! Where in the fuck have you been?!
[The camera swivels to show Sandor standing and moving out of the way as Ygritte, Sansa, Bronn, Podrick and Tormund exit the tunnels, each with a yellow envelope in their hands. Their faces and clothes are filthy, but everyone is smiling. Sandor pulls Sansa to him, wrapping his arms around her back. Her face is surprised and amused. She hugs him back, laughing.]
[Camera zooms in on them as he steps back from her, putting his hands on her shoulders. His face is unhappy.]
Sandor, frustrated - Don’t fucking laugh! This isn't funny!
[Sansa raises her hand, waving the envelope back and forth slightly.]
Sansa, weakly - We did it. [She looks around, confused.] Wasn’t the sun up when we went in there?
[Sandor takes his hands off her shoulders, frowning as he crosses them in front of his chest.]
Sandor, tersely - Yeah, it fucking was. It’s been almost two hours!
[Sansa looks up at him, tilting her head, her face confused.]
Sansa, hesitantly - Are .. are you mad at me? I mean.. even Bronn got lost. [She gestures over to Bronn.] I’m.. I'm sorry we’re behind in the Race.
[Camera swivels to show Margaery smiling as she reaches up to wipe some of the dirt off Bronn’s face. She wrinkles her nose, wiping her hand on his shirt. She grimaces, pulling back her hand to show it's even dirtier. Bronn laughs as she makes a face, disgusted.]
[Camera pans back over to Sandor and Sansa. She’s looking down at her clothes, trying to wipe some of the dirt off fruitlessly, her face crestfallen. Sandor sighs, looking up at the sky for a moment before looking back down at her.]
Sandor, less angry - Fuck, I’m.. [He sighs again.] I’m not mad about the Race.
[Sansa looks up at him. Her face is curious.]
Sandor, sighing - I’m just… I’m glad you’re ok. I was worried.
[Sansa smiles up at him. The corner of Sandor’s mouth turns up into a semblance of a smile. He looks up, behind Sansa’s shoulder.]
Sandor, hurriedly - Shit, we need to go.
[Camera pans around to show that Gendry and Podrick have their bags on and are running down a sandy path towards a clump of taxis waiting for tourists. Tormund and Brienne are behind them, jogging side by side with their bags on their backs. Jon and Ygritte are getting their bags and moving to follow. Margery and Bronn are huddled together, reading the clue.]
[Camera pans back to Sandor and Sansa, Sansa nodding as she brings their envelope up and rips it open. She pulls out the papers and they read where to go for the Detour. Sandor jogs over to their bags, holding Sansa’s out for her. They both put them on and jog towards the taxis.]
[Camera cuts to the Camel Reserve Entrance. It’s nighttime as Davos and Melisandre exit, nodding gratefully at a woman waving good-bye to them as she closes the door behind them. Davos is filthy while Melisandre looks pristine. Davos holds up their unopened yellow envelope.]
Davos, politely - Shall we?
[Melisandre nods, gesturing for him to go ahead. Davos rips it open and pulls out the papers for both of them to see.]
Davos, relieved - Pit Stop.
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking slowly in front of a fort. The clip was obviously pre-recorded during the daytime.]
Petyr - Teams have now been instructed to find their way on foot to this place, [He gestures behind him.] Fort Mazdhan. Although Meereen is known for its pyramids, Fort Mazdhan is another point of interest due to the crucial role it played in housing civilians and soldiers during the tragic Dothraki Raids of 1675. It’s here, at this beautiful landmark, that teams must fi-
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - “Rat!! It’s right next to me!” Petyr screams, pointing off-screen. The camera swivels to show a rat, scurrying along the edge of a stone wall 30 feet away. Our view is jostled as Petyr pushes the camera man, running by him. Our frame is crooked, facing the street. We see Petyr’s feet running away as we hear his voice. “Nope, nope. I’m fucking DONE. I’ll be in my trailer. I’m not coming out this time, so DON’T even bother! You and this entire place can FUCK OFF, VARYS!” ]]
[Davos nods to Melisandre, gesturing for her to lead the way. She looks around before confidently turning to the right, Davos following behind her.]
[Camera cuts to the entrance of the Camel Reserve. All contestants except Davos, Melisandre, Arya, and Tyene are standing in front of the doors, reading the sign posted on the door.]
CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT
REOPENS AT SUNRISE
[Camera pans so we can see the faces of everyone in the group. Everyone looks stunned.]
Sandor, resigned - Fuck.
- - -
“Ok guys, that’s it for the night. We’ll be back just before sunrise.” The production assistant took off his headphones, rubbing his ears and sighing.
Margaery looked panicked. “Wait, what? Where do we sleep for the night?”
The assistant shrugged. “The show only pays for the night if you’ve reached the Pit Stop. Tonight is up to you guys.” He turned around, walking with the rest of production as they leave the contestants alone in front of the Camel Reserve.
Tormund laughed jovially. “That means a campout!” He took off his bag, walking over to a smoother part of the ground, kicking away some small rocks. He leaned down, unbuckling the straps that were holding his rolled-up sleeping bag and began to set up his sleeping area for the night.
Ygritte smiled, going over next to him and doing the same. Jon shrugged, moving to follow her.
Margaery looked around hopefully. “Is there a hotel nearby?”
Brienne shrugged. “We’re pretty far on the outskirts of the city. I’m not sure there will be much close by.” She walked over to join Tormund, rolling out her own sleeping bag and setting it about five feet from him. He looked up at her and grinned, reaching out and pulling her sleeping bag closer to his until they were about two inches apart. She rolled her eyes at him but didn’t move it back.
Margaery looked horrified. “Umm… I’m not sleeping on the ground!” She looked over at Bronn, panicked.
He laughed at her, pulling her close and kissing her temple. “Don’t worry Margie, I’ll find you a real bed to sleep in.” She sighed, relieved.
Sandor walked closer to Bronn and Margaery. “Are you sure? Do you even know when sunrise is?” He looked at Bronn. “We could be long gone by the time you make it back here.”
Bronn shrugged, unconcerned. “I’m not worried about it. We still have The PussyCats behind us, so we won’t be last.”
Tormund laughed, looking over at Bronn. “If you’re comfortable with only those girls behind you on this Race, you haven’t been paying attention.”
Gendry nodded, agreeing as he came over to roll out his sleeping bag next to everyone else's. He sighed fondly. “It’s so true.” Podrick laughed, rolling his sleeping bag out next to Gendry’s.
Sandor shrugged, moving to put his sleeping bag down as well. He looked over his shoulder at Sansa as he kneeled down, setting his bag down in front of him while he freed his sleeping bag from the straps. “What are you going to do?”
Sansa looked unsure. “Well.. I didn’t exactly pack a sleeping bag.”
Brienne looked up at her, confused. “Didn’t you see it on the supplies list of things we needed?”
Sansa nodded. “Yeah, I saw it… We just didn’t think it was really .. going to be used.” She gestured to herself and Margaery, wincing.
Bronn laughed, slipping one arm out of his bag strap and swinging his bag towards the front of his body. “Here, Sansa.” He unclipped his sleeping bag, throwing it lightly to her. Sansa caught it as he gestured to Margaery. “It looks like I won’t be needing it, so feel free to knock yourself out.”
Sansa looked down at the sleeping bag in her hands, surprised. “Bronn, this is… so nice. Thank you.”
Bronn shrugged. “Eh, I have a feeling we’ll find a mattress much more comfortable with what I’ve got planned.”
Margaery giggled at Bronn as Sansa rolled her eyes, laughing. Bronn grabbed Margaery’s hand and they turned to head back towards the city.
“Have fun sleeping on the ground, you fucking peasants!” He waved over his shoulder as Margaery leaned into his side, hugging his arm to her as they walked.
Sansa turned around, looking over at Sandor. He was watching Bronn and Margaery walk off with a pensive look on his face. He shook his head, amused, as he looked down at his sleeping bag.
Sansa walked over to him, gesturing to the spot next to his sleeping bag. “Is this spot taken?” She smiled when he looked up, his eyes narrowed in a playful glare.
“How do I know you won’t take advantage of me while I sleep?” He eyed her suspiciously.
She scoffed, unrolling Bronn’s sleeping bag and laying it down next to Sandor’s. “Oh please, you would love it.”
Sandor shrugged, not disagreeing.
- - -
[Camera frame shows Davos and Melisandre as they walk up to the empty Pit Stop mat on the roof of Fort Mazdhan. There are bright lights illuminating the area, but we don't see any other people. Their faces are confused as they look around.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - A production assistant steps into frame, holding out a folded piece of paper to Davos and Melisandre. Davos leans forward to take it, opening it so Melisandre can see what it says. Davos looks up at Melisandre, his face incredulous until he laughs loudly, eyes crinkling with joy.]]
[Camera zooms in as Davos holds up the paper so we can see what it says.
Congratulations, you are team number one.
He folds it up and puts it in his pocket. Melisandre smiles, amused.]
[Camera cuts to a view of the Meereen Airport as the sun is coming up. Arya and Tyene enter the frame from the left, sprinting full speed. They run continuously, exiting the frame on the right.]
[Camera cuts to a wide view of the desert. It’s early morning. Teams are digging in the sand in a designated area marked off by red and yellow flags near a giant palm sticking out of the sand.]
[Camera cuts to just Podrick and Gendry in the frame, digging. They are both already sweating and covered in orange sand. Podrick leans back, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand.]
Podrick, to the group - You know, when it said ‘Desert Palm’, I thought it was talking about a damn tree. [He looks up to the giant hand, squinting from the sun.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund laughing, his feet in the sand with his body bent over, his hands digging in the sand like a dog. Each swipe of his hand moves a lot of dirt and he works efficiently. Brienne is kneeling next to him, working just as hard. They are both making significant progress.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa. Sandor is sweating and moving a lot of dirt quickly. Sansa is kneeling down across from him, working hard. They are both digging into the same hole between them. She sits up, pulling the bottom of her shirt up to wipe her face. Sandor’s hands fumble for a moment before he resumes his pace.]
Sansa, panting - Why is it so hot already? [She lowers her shirt and looks around the designated area.] Should I move to a different spot so we cover more ground?
[Sandor shakes his head, eyes focused on his hands.]
Sandor - I feel like we’re close, you can just stay here. Digging deeper is probably better than spreading out. [Sansa nods, bending over to resume digging with him.]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte and Jon as they dig. Both are kneeling at the same hole, sweating as they move a lot of dirt together.]
Ygritte, teeth gritted - I fucking hate the desert.
[Jon smiles, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. Ygritte smiles, turning her head and pulling him back to her so she can kiss him properly.]
[Camera frame widens as Tormund whistles loudly, raising his hands up above his head, clapping, sand raining down on him. Ygritte breaks the kiss, looking over at Tormund. She grabs a handful of sand and throws it at him. Tormund laughs, picking up a giant handful and throwing it at Ygritte across his and Brienne's hole.]
Brienne, frustrated - No, don’t! You’re just putting sand back in the hole!
Tormund, suggestively - I can put something else in the hole if you’d like.
[He grins widely at her. Brienne scowls, picking up two handfuls of sand and throwing them at him. He laughs, throwing sand back at her. Brienne laughs, orange sand falling from her hair onto her shoulders.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor.]
Sansa, panting - Why do I feel like if Bronn and Margaery were here, we’d hear nothing but hole jokes? [They both exchange an amused look, stopping to look over their shoulders at the horizon.]
Sansa, hopefully - Maybe they just picked the decorating one instead?
[Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick as they both stand up, cheering. Podrick is holding a yellow envelope as they both jog over to their camels standing with the handlers over on the side.]
[Camera pans back to the designated area as everyone resumes digging.]
[Camera cuts to a different view of them digging as an elapsed timer appears in the corner.]
Elapsed Time - 11:07
[Jon cheers loudly, pulling a yellow envelope up from the sand. He and Ygritte stand, jogging over to their camels off-screen.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa. They’ve started a new hole in a different corner.]
Sandor, frustrated - Fuck.
[Camera pans to Tormund as he’s digging.]
Tormund, in a fake accent - I hate sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating.
[Brienne sits up, smiling at him.]
Brienne, with a terrible fake accent - It gets everywhere!
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - A production assistant speaks to them from off-camera. “Uh, guys? You can’t quote Star Wars. Otherwise, we’d have to pay for the copyrights.” Brienne and Tormund both scowl, leaning down to resume digging.]]
Tormund, in a deep fake accent - Jerry, I am your father! [He looks up, grinning off-camera. Nothing happens. He looks over at Brienne, amused. She smiles. They continue misquoting Star Wars back and forth as they work.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor as Sansa cheers. She holds a yellow envelope up, beaming at Sandor. He blows a breath from his cheeks, relieved. They both get up and jog over to the camels. Camera frame jostles slightly as the camera man jogs after them. They arrive at the camel area to see Jon and Ygritte still there. Jon’s camel is following Jon as he walks around. Ygritte is smiling, amused. Jon’s face is confused. The handlers to the side are all smiling and talking amongst themselves as they point at Jon.]
Sansa, curious - What’s going on? [Ygritte turns to Sansa, smiling]
Ygritte, amused - Your brother’s camel won’t let him back on.
[Sansa turns to the handlers, speaking to them kindly in High Valyrian]
Subtitles for Sansa read - “Excuse me, what’s happening?”
[One handler turns to her, smiling. She answers back in casual Valyrian.]
Subtitles for Handler read - “His camel is in musth and has taken a liking to him.”
[The handlers all point and laugh loudly as the camera pans to the side. Jon is now running from his camel in a zig-zag pattern, looking back over his shoulder. His face is terrified. The camel is groaning loudly as it runs after him.]
Jon, from far away, panicked - Ygritte! Ygritte, help!
[Ygritte laughs, raising her hands to cup them around her mouth.]
Ygritte, loudly - Don’t trip, Jon!
[He lets out a worried noise as he runs faster. Ygritte laughs, sighing as she turns to Sansa.]
Ygritte, amused - Will you ask the handlers to help rescue him?
[Sansa nods as she turns back to the handlers. They have a short conversation and two handlers move to go help Jon. Two more handlers move to help Sandor and Sansa get on their camels. Sansa walks up to her camel and stops, a thoughtful expression on her face. She turns to the handler, speaking quickly and gesturing over to Sandor. The handler nods and they both walk over to Sandor. Sandor is on top of his camel as the camel stands up fully from a kneeling position. He looks over at Sansa, confused.]
Sansa, shielding her eyes from the sun - Do you have room for one more? Jon is going to use my camel to get back into the city, if you don’t mind.
[Sandor shrugs and reaches a hand down to her. The handler makes a foothold for her by clasping his hands together and she places her foot in it, grabbing Sandor’s hand with both of hers. Before she could lift herself up, Sandor pulls her up and places her in front of him. She laughs, leaning down to thank the Handler for his help. She moves in the saddle, situating herself. Sandor puts a hand on the outside of her hip.]
Sandor, tightly - Stop fucking squirming.
[Sansa smiles slyly, moving her hips back against him. He raises his face up to the sky and takes a deep breath in through his nose.]
Sansa, falsely - Oh, I’m so sorry. I forgot how much my squirming offends you.
[Sandor hums, disbelieving and Sansa laughs. She looks down at the handler, giving him a thumbs-up to signal they are ready. The handler nods, guiding their camel back to the Camel Reserve.]
[Camera cuts to the back of the Camel Reserve. Margaery is smiling as she decorates a camel, placing another string of yarn across the camel’s nose and standing back to admire her work.]
Margaery, excited - Bronny, isn’t she soooo cute? [She looks over to him, her hand extended for more decorations. Bronn is smiling at her fondly.]
Bronn, amused - She looks great, Margie. [He hands her another string of yarn, which she takes happily. She turns back to the camel, cooing at her as she places the yarn across her nose.]
[Camera cuts to a view of a beautiful courtyard with a small but luxurious pool. Davos and Melisandre are lounging on poolside canvas beds, a table with a colorful drink on it between them. Davos’s eyes are covered with sunglasses. Melisandre is leaning back with her eyes closed, her fingers laced together and resting on her stomach. She opens her eyes to look over at Davos, who has leaned over slightly to reach his drink. He raises it to Melisandre, nodding to her before taking a sip. She smiles, closing her eyes again. Davos leans back to his spot, putting his hands behind his head as he sighs.]
[Camera cuts to the interior of the Camel Reserve as a man guides Gendry and Podrick back to the front door. They nod at him gratefully as they exit. The man nods back, closing the door behind them. They stand next to each other as Podrick rips open the yellow envelope, both reading it.]
Gendry, relieved - Oh, finally. Pit Stop.
[They both look left and right down the road, their faces confused. They look back down at the paper instructions. Gendry sighs.]
[Camera cuts back to the ‘Desert Palm’. We see Brienne standing with her hands on her hips, frowning down at the ground. A plume of dirt flies up next to her. Camera shifts and we see Tormund kneeling inside a very deep hole, digging. He flings dirt up again, almost hitting Brienne in the face.]
Brienne, frustrated - This doesn’t make any sense! They wouldn’t bury it that deep, Tormund!
Tormund, adamant, still digging - No, we’re going to find it soon. I can feel it!
[Brienne rolls her eyes, turning to look around at the ground. There are holes in varying depths all around. She tilts her head, moving quickly to another corner of the area. She kneels down, brushing some sand away. She laughs, raising a yellow envelope up into the air.]
Brienne, happily - Tormund!
[Tormund stands up in the hole, facing Brienne. All we see is his eyes, forehead and wild hair sticking up out of the hole. Brienne turns, showing him the yellow envelope. We see Tormund’s eyes widen with happiness.]
[Camera cuts to Margaery and Bronn as they make their way through the streets of Meereen. They walk through a covered outdoor market, locals throwing beads and flowers at their feet as they pass, cheering and smiling at them. Margaery is laughing as she looks over at Bronn, her arms full of supplies collected from the street. He’s smiling, waving back to people as he guides their camel to the temple.]
[Camera cuts to a view of a colorful alley with people milling about. Jon and Ygritte are jogging, both panting and covered in orange sand. Ygritte stops jogging, looking around. Jon notices and stops as well, his face confused.]
Ygritte, loudly - Does anyone speak Common? Where is the Fort?
[Locals all stare at them, confused. Ygritte makes a frustrated noise as she continues jogging, Jon following behind her. They're both sweating profusely.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as they jog down an alleyway. Sansa stops, approaching a woman who has just exited a shop. The woman stops, smiling kindly.]
[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Excuse me, is this the correct way towards Fort Mazdhan?”]
[Subtitles for Local Woman read - “Yes, it's just down this way. When you reach the river, make a right. There is a path up on the left you may use to cross.”]
[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Thank you so much for your help.”]
[They both nod politely at each other as the woman leaves. Sansa continues jogging, Sandor at her side as she relays the directions to him.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior view as they exit the alley. Fort Mazdhan is over to the left, separated from them by a murky river. A footpath crossing the river is over to the right. Sandor gestures to the footpath and they walk towards it. Sansa suddenly gasps, pointing in front of her and Sandor.]
Sansa, surprised - Dicks!
[Camera swings around to show Gendry and Podrick running towards us on the other side of the footpath entrance, far away but closing in quickly.]
Sandor, stressed - Fuck! Sansa, we need to cross now. [He moves to the edge of the river, looking down at it. He steps down into it with one foot, the water coming up to just below his knee. He nods, stepping in fully with both feet. He turns to Sansa, holding a hand out to her.]
Sansa, shocked - Sandor, no! I can’t step in there!
Sandor, confused - What are you talking about? You’ve dug in the desert. You’ve walked around web filled tombs!
Sansa, panicked - Sandor, this isn’t the same as getting some dirt on me! I don’t know what’s in there! [She grimaces as she looks into the water.] Can you carry me across?
[Sandor looks over to Gendry and Podrick. Camera pans to show us they’re almost at the foot path, their faces showing strain as they both sprint full speed. Gendry calls out challengingly as they close in on the footpath. Camera cuts back to Sandor as he makes a frustrated noise. He speaks quickly.]
Sandor, hurried - Sansa, I can’t carry my bag, your bag, you AND run through water. And right now we need to RUN! We could be in fucking last place!
Sansa, shaking her head, panicked - No, no, we aren’t last. We still haven’t seen any trace of … ARYA!
[Camera swivels over to show Arya and Tyene springing free from the alley Sansa and Sandor had just left in a full sprint, Arya smiling savagely when she spots Sansa.]
Arya, loudly, taunting - What’s a matter, Sansy-pants? Afraid to get your shoes wet? [She and Tyene continue sprinting towards Sansa and Sandor, about 50 feet away now.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa as her face cycles through shock, then anger. She clenches her teeth, almost baring them defensively. She turns quickly towards Sandor, jumping in the river and moving rapidly.]
Sansa, angrily - MOVE!
[Sandor is frozen in shock as Sansa shoves past him. He turns, eyes following Sansa as she moves quickly across the river, water flying up behind her as she steps.]
Sansa, loudly - SANDOR! RUN!
[Camera cuts to a wide shot showing everyone at once. Gendry and Podrick are sprinting across the footpath now. Sansa is at the other side of the river, trying to climb up and out. Sandor runs to her side, grabbing her bag and lifting her up out of the water. She lands on her hands and feet, scrambling to get up the hill on the side of the river. Sandor steps out of the river, climbing up the hill. Arya and Tyene have now entered the river, the water coming up to their thighs. Their pace slows slightly as they move through the water.]
[Camera cuts to the top of Mazdhan Fort. We see Petyr waiting on the mat with his hands clasped in front of him. He’s shifting his weight, looking behind him repeatedly, eyeing the corners and tops of the walls.]
[Camera cuts to a frame cut in thirds, each third shows two different pairs of feet running up the stone steps of the fort - Sandor/Sansa, Arya/Tyene, Gendry/Podrick.]
[Camera cuts to a full screen of Gendry and Podrick coming up the top of the stairs, running to the mat, panting heavily. Petyr cringes at them as they stop quickly on the mat, bending over with their hands on their knees. Sansa and Sandor come up the stairs next, panting, the bottom of their bodies wet. Petyr backs up from them as they come to the mat, grimacing. Arya and Tyene arrive last, walking up the stairs with their hands on their hips, red-faced and panting heavily, most of their bodies are soaked. Petyr backs up more, his feet now off the mat, his face disgusted as they come to stand on the mat.]
[Camera cuts to Gendry as he stands up, pointing a finger at Sandor, still breathing heavily.]
Gendry - Ha! [He takes a breath.] We totally [breath] beat you! [He leans down to put his hands on his knees again, panting heavily.]
Podrick, weakly - We got first. [He breathes deeply] I can’t believe it.
[Gendry and Podrick look at each other, smiling happily.]
Petyr, still grimacing - Uh, actually. You're team number two.
[Arya cackles as Gendry and Podrick both stand-up, looking at Petyr, their faces bewildered.]
Gendry, incredulous - What? [breath] We totally [breath] beat them! [He points a finger at Sandor, Sandor rolling his eyes and putting his hands on his hips. Sansa frowns playfully, batting Gendry’s hand away from her face.]
Sansa, disbelieving - Haven’t you noticed your dad has been missing all day?
[Gendry’s face is mystified as he looks at Petyr.]
Gendry, shocked - My DAD got first?
[Petyr looks down, grimacing at the water pooling on the mat.]
Petyr, distractedly - Um, yes. So congratulations. [He looks up at Gendry and Podrick.] You are team number two. [He looks to Sansa and Sandor] You are team number three [He looks to Arya and Tyene] You are team number four.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr glares off-screen. “There. Have I ‘fulfilled my contractual obligation’ enough, you taintcanoe?” He turns, walking off-screen. The teams on the mat turn to watch him walk away, Sansa's mouth agape, everyone else amused. We hear Petyr's voice from off-camera. “And don’t even THINK about bringing me back here until that mat has been BURNED.”]]
[Camera cuts to the top of the fort later in the day. Petyr is waiting on the mat, frowning with his arms crossed against his chest. Camera pans down briefly to show he's wearing disposable slipcovers over his shoes.]
[Camera cuts to Jon and Ygritte coming up the stairs, both panting. They look relieved as they jog over to the mat, standing in front of Petyr. He gives them a quick plastic smile before frowning again.]
Petyr, deadpan - Congratulations. You are team number five.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr glares off-camera. “Dickknob.” He raises his nose in the air, huffing as he exits the frame.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior shot of the fort as Margaery and Bronn exit their taxi even later in the day. They are smiling and happy. Bronn is wearing a necklace made from flowers. Margaery has a flower behind her ear. Bronn grabs their bags from the trunk, handing Margaery hers as they walk hand in hand inside the front entryway.]
[Camera cuts to the top of the fort as they emerge from the stairs, approaching the mat with easy smiles.]
[Camera cuts to show Petyr’s grinning maliciously.]
Petyr - Bronn and Margaery, you are the sixth team to arrive.
[Camera cuts to show Margaery and Bronn smiling at each other quickly before cutting back to Petyr. His eyes are gleaming.]
Petyr - Unfortunately, it’s my understanding that you arrived here via taxi. Is that correct?
[Camera cuts to show all three in the frame. Margaery and Bronn nod, looking at each other with confused expressions.]
Petyr, wickedly - Yes well, your instructions specifically stated that you needed to arrive at the beautiful Fort Mazdhan by foot. [He gestures to the side.] I’m afraid you’ll have to wait out your thirty-minute penalty before I can officially check you in.
[Margaery turns fully to Petyr, pushing her chest up with her arms. She begins to poke her lip out, pouting.]
Petyr, holding up a finger - Ah-ah. That’s not going to work this time, Ms. Tyrell.
[Margaery looks over at Bronn, her face surprised. Bronn exchanges a look with her, his face somber.]
[Petyr smiles as he watches Margaery and Bronn walk over to the side of the mat. Bronn takes off his bag and sets it down on the ground while Margaery looks over at the top of the stairs, her face concerned.]
Elapsed Time - 17:25
[Petyr smiles as Margaery shift her weight, her face is unhappy as she stands next to Bronn. Bronn puts his arm around Margaery’s shoulder, Margaery leaning into his chest. Petyr’s smile falls slightly.]
[The timer in the corner disappears as we see Tormund and Brienne come up the stairs. Margaery turns her face into Bronn’s chest as he wraps both his arms around her back. He’s speaking to her quietly, rubbing her back.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund and Brienne as they jog over to Petyr on the mat, both looking defeated. Petyr’s face is delighted as Tormund and Brienne stand in front of him. Tormund looks over at Brienne, reaching out for her hand. Brienne takes his hand, holding onto it tightly as her head hangs low. Camera cuts to a wide view, showing everyone. ]
Petyr - Tormund and Brienne, you are the last team to arrive.
[Brienne nods her head, face still pointed to the ground. Tormund looks down, unhappy.]
Petyr, brightly - I’m happy to tell you that another team has incurred a penalty, causing them to delay their check-in.
[Brienne and Tormund look over at Margaery and Bronn, their faces confused. No one looks happy, except Petyr.]
Petyr, brightly- You are officially team number six, which means you will continue on in the Race.
[Camera cuts to Petyr as he turns to Margaery and Bronn. We see Tormund and Brienne hugging in the background as Petyr looks directly at Margaery. Margaery is glaring back at him, her chin held high.]
Petyr, insincerely - I’m so sorry to say you have been eliminated from the Race.
Booooo, Petyr! He gets the butthole award this episode. I can say that the eliminations from here on out are not fun! Here is something hopefully fun though -
Behind the Scenes info for Episode Three!
1. All city photos of Meereen are from Morocco, mostly from Marrakesh, specifically.
2. The people of Meereen speak a language that's a blend between High Valyrian and Old Ghiscari, which George R.R. named Bastard Valyrian. I went with Casual Valyrian cause it's nicer.
3. The Qohor Airport is actually the Madinah Airport in Saudi Arabia.
4. Pahl Pyramid is better known as one of the smaller Pyramids of Giza in Egypt. This one houses the tomb of Senedjemib, who was the political advisor to Pharoah Unas. (I was kind of hoping it would be Imhotep's home? Or maybe Anck-Su-Namun, amirite?)
5. In TAR Season 5, Episode 6, One team member goes under The Great Pyramid of Giza and gets a clue from the tombs, except it's super easy and everyone does it in like 5 seconds, booooo!
5. The ominous Tomb Entrance is 'Valley of the Queen’s tomb' taken in Egypt by Frank Miesnikowicz. (He had a copyright on the photo so I'm just covering my bases. Please don't sue me, Frank!)
6. The beautiful Camels-in-the-desert photo is from a Dubai Desert Tour.
7. The 'Desert Palm' statue is actually 'Mano del Desierto', or Hand of the Desert. It's in Chile and It was made in 1992 by Mario Irarrázabal. To my knowledge, it's never been featured on the show.
8. Decorating camels has also never been featured on the show (that I know of) and that entire religious ceremony Bronn and Margaery do is completely fabricated. (Of course, other various religious customs have been featured on TAR. and the people of Meereen really do worship the Gods of Ghis.)
9. The beautiful Great temple they walk to is actually called Petra and it can be found in Jordan.
10. The tomb tunnel lined with candles is actually an underground passage in County Meath, Ireland.
11. Fort Mazdhan is really Jabreen Castle in Oman. It was used as a Pit Stop in TAR Season 9, Episode 8. That episode really shows off Oman, the whole country is gorgeous.
12. Meereen airport that Arya and Tyene run in front of is really the Marrakesh Airport. (insert chef's kiss) It's a work of art.
13. Tormund is, of course, misquoting a very famous misquote "Luke, I am your father." (The line from the movie is 'No, I am your father." but like.. 'Luke, I am your father." is way better.) The fact that he is misquoting Star Wars with Captain Phasma amuses me more than I can tell you.
14. Did you know camels can carry up to 600 lbs? So don't worry about Sandor and Sansa weighing that baby down!
15. The relaxing pool Melisandre and Davos chill at is a resort in Marrakesh - Riad Yasmine. It's a private, 8 bedroom rental you can have for probably $937,964 a night.
Oh also, FYI - I promised no dark backstories, so Bronn hinting to Sansa that Sandor doesn't like fire is as deep into Sandor's history as we're going to get. This just isn't that kind of story!
And that's it for Episode Three! Is anyone else enjoying these Behind the Scenes fact or is it just me? 😂😂 PLEASE review! Even if it's just a little one, they really make my day. And they make me post faster!
See you later for Episode Four! I believe it will make some of you preeeettty happy!
Chapter 4: Episode Four - 'Did anyone see where that girl even pulled the knife from?'
Hi! Welcome to Episode Four!
I've decided when this story is fully published, I'm going to go back and rename the chapters from a spoken line in the episode (The real Amazing Race does this.) So keep an eye out for any of your favorite lines that would make a good chapter title and drop them in the comment section!
Thanks for reading! Enjoy Episode Four!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Petyr voiceover - Previously on The Westerosi Race…
[Start with a clip of Melisandre and Davos as they hold up the piece of paper stating that they are team number one.]
Davos and Melisandre raced to the front of the pack due to Melisandre’s knowledge of the local language and their diligent teamwork. Will they manage to keep themselves on top of the competition… or will their tenuous alliance crack under the pressure?
[Cut to a clip of Brienne and Tormund smiling at each other at the Desert Palm Detour.]
Tormund is finally making some headway in his friendship with Brienne. Will the Race help fan their flame.. or snuff it out before it can even ignite?
[Cut to a clip of Sansa and Sandor as they run across the river outside Fort Mazdhan]
Sandor has been pushing Sansa to experience new things on the Race. Is Sansa’s new outlook in life going to benefit them.. or will Sandor push her too far?
[Cut to a clip of Arya and Tyene catching their breath on the mat. First in Westerlands, next to Sansa and Sandor. Then in the North, Then on top of Fort Mazdhan, next to other teams.]
Arya and Tyene still have yet to win a leg of the Race. Will they ever get their moment.. or will they be eliminated before they ever get that chance?
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking in white sand with palm trees behind him.]
Petyr - All of this and more on this week’s episode of The Westerosi Race!
Petyr voiceover - Each team will be departing ten minutes apart based on the order they placed in the previous leg. For this leg of the race, each team will receive $101. Melisandre and Davos are the first team to depart.
[Davos and Melisandre are standing on the mat, the sun rising behind Fort Mazdhan's walls. Davos holds up the yellow envelope and Melisandre nods, gesturing for him to go ahead. He rips open the envelope, pulling out the papers inside for her to see.]
Davos - Make your way by train to the Summer Islands. [He looks off-camera, his face confused.]
Davos, politely - How is a train going to get to an island?
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking along a grassy field, multiple tall temples behind him.]
Petyr - The Summer Islands are in the middle of the Summer Sea, south of Westeros. This country, made up of almost fifty small islands, has a beautiful landscape consisting of sandy beaches, mountainous terrain and rainforests full of tall trees. The thriving center of this culture can be found here on the island of Walano at Tall Trees Town, where the local community gathers to worship their gods in the towering buildings known as the Temples of Love. [He gestures behind him.] It’s here, in front of these exquisite temples, that the teams will find their next clue.
[Camera cuts to a view of a large, ornate building]
Petyr voiceover - To get to the Summer Islands, teams will first take a taxi to the Meereen Train Station. Built in 2016, it is the newest and largest train station in Essos, serving as a major cultural and geographical hub. They must navigate themselves through this busy labyrinth in time to catch a train to Volantis. From there, they will fly to the Summer Islands.
[Camera cuts back to Davos and Melisandre. Davos shakes his head, stuffing the papers back in the envelope. Melisandre starts walking to the stairs.]
Melisandre - Come. We must hurry.
[Davos smiles, following behind her]
Davos, cheekily - ‘Hurry’? Does that mean we get to run?
[Melisandre shakes her head, smiling back at him as she walks. We hear Davos as they walk down the stairs, out of the frame.]
Davos - Gendry made me run on a treadmill for weeks leading up to this Race. You know, he didn’t believe me last night when I told him we got first place even with walking everywhere.
[Camera cuts to Sansa’s face as she and Sandor enter the Meereen Train Station, her mouth dropping in awe as she looks up at the ceiling and around at the people. There are hundreds of people shoulder to shoulder, filling the space.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor. He’s scowling]
Sandor, annoyed- It’s rush hour.
[Camera cuts to a wide shot of both of them]
Sansa, amazed - This place is like a work of art! Look at the architecture! And all the people!
Sandor, still scowling - I am looking. This is going to be terrible.
[Sansa looks over at him, narrowing her eyes. She puts her hands on her hips.]
Sansa - You better stop being such a downer. The Race is supposed to be fun! Showing you new cultures! New places! [She smiles, gesturing to the wide-open atrium they’re standing in.]
Sandor, grouchily - I didn’t come for fun. I came to win. [He starts moving forward, pushing his way into the throng of people. He's significantly taller than everyone and we can see him easily in the crowd. We can barely see Sansa's red hair following behind him.]
Sansa - Well, why can’t we do both? Win and have fun? I mean, I thi- HEY!
[Camera zooms in on Sansa as she's yanked backward by her bag, a hand holding the top handle up by her head. We can barely see her through the wild mass of people as she’s being dragged backward, trying to get her feet under her unsuccessfully.]
Sansa, muffled, panicked - Let me GO! Hey, STOP!
[We see Sansa abruptly fall to the ground on top of her bag. She lands roughly on her elbow, bringing it up across her chest and cradling it in her other hand as she winces.]
Sansa, dazed- Ow, gods. Farts, that hurt. [She looks back over her shoulder, her face confused.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he stands solidly in the mass of people. He’s holding an older teenage boy up by the front of his shirt. The boy’s feet are waving frantically beneath him, well above the ground. Sandor’s face is livid as he sneers into the boy’s face. The boy looks terrified. Sandor’s voice is low and angry.]
Sandor, calmly - Are you fucking stupid?
[The boy swallows, bringing his hands up to hold onto Sandor’s reflexively.]
Teenage Boy, stuttering - Th-the bag.. I o-only wanted the b-bag.
[Sandor bares his teeth, almost snarling at him. The camera zooms in on the boy’s legs, where we see a wet stream forming down his pants.]
Sansa, off-screen - Sandor, no!
[Camera cuts to a wide view, showing Sansa getting up from the ground and jogging to stand beside Sandor, her face alarmed.]
Sansa, stressed - Sandor, just put him down. If you hurt him, we’re out of the competition. [Sandor doesn’t move.] Sandor, he’s just a boy, he made a mistake. Right?
[Sansa looks at the boy, prompting him with a look. His eyes are wide and he nods slightly.]
Teenage Boy, terrified - M-mistake. N-never again.
[Sansa reaches up, grabbing one of Sandor’s arms with her hands.]
Sansa, exasperated - For seven’s sake, put him down. He didn’t hurt me. Sandor, I’m fine! [She yanks on his arm but it doesn’t move.]
[After another moment Sandor growls, dropping the boy to the ground roughly. The boy lands on his back but quickly rights himself and runs away, disappearing into the crowd. Sandor watches him run, his face still angry. Sansa grabs his hand, trying to pull him in the other direction.]
[Camera cuts to a different view as Sandor reluctantly lets Sansa drag him towards the main atrium. Sansa pulls him over to the ticket board that displays all the times for the departing trains. She lets go of his hand as they stand in front of the board.]
[Camera cuts to their faces. Sansa is squinting up at the board.]
Sansa, clearly pretending to be confused - Now, what city are we traveling to?
[Sandor looks over at her, face unamused.]
Sandor - I know what you’re doing.
[Sansa raises her nose higher in the air, still looking up at the board.]
Sansa, nonchalantly - I have no idea what you’re talking about.
[Sandor rolls his eyes, turning his body to face her.]
Sandor - How’s your arm?
[Sansa looks down, turning her elbow so he can see it. It’s slightly red but otherwise fine.]
Sansa, positively - See? I told you. No harm done. [She looks over at him.] He was just a kid, Sandor. [She sighs] I won’t let it spoil my time in Meereen by dwelling on it. Now, [She sniffs, putting her nose back in the air snootily as she looks back at the board.] What city are we going to?
[Sandor shakes his head, his face faintly amused as he looks at her. He sighs, looking up at the board, scanning the information until he raises his hand up to point.]
Sandor - Volantis. There’s one leaving in 30 minutes down on Platform 3.
[Sansa nods, still looking up at the board. She blinks several times before looking over at him.]
Sansa, genuinely - Thank you.
[Sandor nods at her. She smiles, turning confidently to walk towards the escalator leading to Platform 3. One corner of Sandor's mouth turns up in a smile as he follows behind her.]
[Camera cuts to a ticketing counter, the words PLATFORM 3 displayed along the top in many languages next to a smaller version of the ticket board. We can see Gendry and Podrick in one line, Arya and Tyene behind them. The line next to them has Ygritte and Jon, a third line with Tormund and Brienne next to them. Everyone is waiting behind other travelers currently being helped. Sandor and Sansa go stand in the shortest line, moving behind Tormund and Brienne.]
Sansa, loudly to Gendry - Have you seen your dad this morning?
[Camera cuts closer to Gendry, who is eating a pastry wrapped in waxed paper. He shakes his head as he gestures to his full mouth. Podrick turns to Sansa.]
Podrick, friendly - We think he and Melisandre might’ve caught the train that left ten minutes ago.
[Gendry gives a thumbs up in agreement, still trying to swallow. Arya rolls her eyes at him, handing him her water bottle. He smiles gratefully at her, his lips still closed but cheeks puffed out full of food. She laughs at him, looking at him fondly.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa as she nods, squinting up at the ticket board.]
[Camera cuts back to Gendry as Podrick hits him lightly on the arm, gesturing to the ticket counter. They move up to the woman behind the desk, speaking quietly. They gesture to Arya and Tyene, who move up to stand with them.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she tugs Sandor’s sleeve. He turns around, his eyebrows furrowed. She gestures for him to bend down and he does.]
Sansa, quietly - The train that leaves in thirty minutes arrives later than one that leaves in an hour.
[Sandor looks up at the ticket board, eyes scanning the information.]
Sansa, continuing - The one that leaves in thirty minutes has more stops. It doesn’t get into Volantis until two hours after the later train.
[Sandor looks back at her, nodding. She nods back, winking theatrically and putting her finger in front of her lips in a 'keep quiet' gesture. He rolls his eyes, clearly trying not to smile.]
[Camera cuts back to Arya as she cheers, raising her ticket in the air. Gendry, Podrick and Tyene all have their tickets in their hands as Arya turns to Sansa, waving her ticket at her, Arya's face smug.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she smiles tightly, giving Arya a thumbs up but not saying anything.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne as she narrows her eyes at Sansa, her face suspicious. She looks over at Arya, a thoughtful expression on her face. She puts her hand on Tormund’s shoulder, whispering into his ear. They both look up at the ticket board, eyes scanning.]
[Camera cuts to a wide view as Arya, Gendry, Tyene and Podrick walk away from the ticket counter, talking excitedly amongst themselves as they exit the frame. Sansa looks up at Sandor and they exchange a smile.]
Tormund, off-camera - Ah! Those sneaky fucks!
[Camera cuts to Tormund and Brienne as he points his finger up towards the ticket board. We see Ygritte in the background look over at him, her brows furrowed.]
[Camera cuts to a close up of Ygritte and Jon as they both look up at the board. Jon has a look of understanding on his face first, whispering into Ygritte’s ear quietly as they’re called up to the ticket counter.]
[Camera cuts to the interior of the Volantis Airport. Melisandre and Davos are waiting on a bench in the terminal, the sign by the gate reading ‘Flight to Summer Islands - Boarding Soon’. Davos is happily eating a pastry wrapped in wax paper, leaning over to offer some to Melisandre. She grimaces and holds her hand up, declining.]
[Camera cuts to a wide view as Sansa, Sandor, Brienne, Tormund, Jon and Ygritte approach Davos and Melisandre, most of them smiling. Davos smiles happily, standing when he sees them. Melisandre nods, a small smile on her face.]
[Camera cuts to the interior of a train, showing Arya, Tyene, Gendry and Podrick playing cards across a table. They are all animated, laughing as Arya slaps Gendry’s hand away from one of her cards on the table.]
- - -
Sansa tapped Tormund on the shoulder, smiling politely when he stopped talking to Brienne across the aisle to look up at her. He smiled back, getting up out of his seat to let her back in their row. Sandor smirked at her as she straddled his lap briefly to get back to her window seat. She shook her head, smiling as she put her hand on his shoulder to help keep her balance. He reached up, bracing her forearm to help her.
“Thank you.” She looked over at him, smiling before reaching forward in the seat pocket to get her pencil and crossword puzzle book back out. She leaned on the armrest, putting the book between them so he could see. “Ok, where were we?”
“Uhhh, 23 down. Which I still think is ‘MOANS.’ He gave her a pointed look, his eyebrows raised.
Sansa rolled her eyes, smiling. “Sandor, the third letter has to be an 'O', you just want it to be dirty.”
He pointed to the clue, incredulous. “Well what else is ‘noise you make in bed’ supposed to be?”
Sansa laughed, smacking him on the arm lightly with the book.
- - -
[Camera frame shows a wide view as multiple teams exit their taxis at once in front of the Temples of Love, the sun barely beginning to rise in the background. Camera pans, following the team members as they all rush to the clue box (except Melisandre) and pry it open. Many hands pull out yellow envelopes.]
[Camera follows Tormund as he moves to Brienne’s side, opening the envelope and pulling out the papers to show her.]
Brienne, hurriedly - It’s the Detour. ‘Go Deep’ or ‘Go Wide’.
[Camera cuts to a shot of Petyr walking barefoot on a sandy beach, long boats floating in the shallow water behind him. His shirt is unbuttoned and open, the sides flapping in the wind. His chest looks like it might have been greased with oil.]
Petyr - In this Detour, teams have a choice between two tasks that deal with one of the Summer Islands biggest exports - Lobsters.
[Camera cuts to a river with a bamboo raft floating on it.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘Go Wide’, teams must make their way to this local river, where a fisherman will demonstrate how to build a bamboo raft. Once they’ve built one sturdy enough that it will float on water, they must load their raft with 8 of these.
[Camera cuts to lobster traps.]
When teams have transported 8 traps to the locals waiting on the other side of the wide river, they will receive their next clue. This task is physically demanding and could take some time if team members aren’t great with constructing things. But if teams can work together to get across the river.. They could widen their chances of winning.
[Camera cuts back to Petyr, he's in a different spot on the beach, the boats now closer to him in the background.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘Go Deep’ teams will make their way to this beach, where local fishermen will be waiting to take them out onto the water. Once they’ve reached the marked Westerosi Race buoys, teams must dive down and retrieve 5 lobsters from the traps along the ocean floor. This task is straightforward and can be completed quickly if teams are strong swimmers. Teams will receive their next clue when they deliver the lobsters to a fisherman waiting back on the beach. If team members are squeamish about touching live lobsters.. they'll need to really dive deep to get it done quickly.
[Camera cuts back to Tormund and Brienne. He looks at her, waiting for her opinion. She finishes reading the descriptions, looking up at him.]
Brienne, confidently - Diving would be faster.
[Tormund smiles at her, his eyes cheerful. He stuffs the papers back in the envelope as they walk back to their taxi.]
Tormund, playfully - Oh, is the island girl gonna show us what she’s got?
[Brienne smiles, pleased. She doesn’t say anything as they both duck down into their cab, Tormund closing the door behind them. The taxi pulls away from the curb as other teams in the background all get back into their taxis. Everyone goes in the same direction.]
[Camera cuts to inside the Volantis Airport again. We see Podrick and Tyene sleeping on the floor in the corner, using their bags as pillows. One of Podrick’s jackets is draped across Tyene as they lay facing each other, hands clasped between them. Arya is sitting up next to them, leaning against the wall as she looks around worriedly. Gendry comes into the frame, holding another pastry for himself and handing one to Arya. She takes it, smiling briefly before frowning again as she looks around. Gendry sits down next to her, his shoulder touching hers.]
Gendry - Have you seen any of the other teams?
[Arya shakes her head, looking down at her pastry. She sniffs it, looking over at Gendry with a smile before taking a big bite. Gendry smiles, taking a bite of his pastry. He takes her hand in his as the camera pans up to show the board at the gate displaying ‘Flight to Summer Islands - Departing in one hour’.
[Camera cuts to a shot over open water. The boats are stopped at the designated area, rocking back and forth gently. We see teams in various states of undress, some pulling bathing suits from their bags.]
[Camera cuts to the first boat as Tormund lifts his shirt up, dropping it into the bottom of the boat once it’s over his head. Brienne keeps a straight face as she eyes his muscled chest before leaning forward, looking down into the water. Her cheeks are darkened. Tormund smirks at her, though she can’t see him. She’s in a two-piece bathing suit, her body broad and muscled. Tormund eyes her, his expression hungry.]
Brienne - I see the traps, I’ll dive in and see how many I can get while you get ready. [She doesn’t look at him as she dives smoothly into the water, swimming to the bottom.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund as he stands up, hands going to unbutton his shorts. He looks over at the bottom of the boat and his eyes brighten.]
Tormund, excitedly - Flippers! [He reaches down, grabbing a flipper and putting it on his foot. He grabs the second one, beginning to put it on.]
[Brienne emerges from the water, gasping. She swims to the boat, dropping lobsters into it over the side.]
[Tormund’s eyes widen in shock as he looks down at all five lobsters they needed squirming on the boat floor. Brienne lifts herself up into the boat, gracefully climbing inside. She grabs the lobsters and drops them in a bucket full of water. She looks over at the fisherman, brushing her wet hair back from her face.]
Brienne, humbly - We can go now.
[The fisherman nods, lowering the engine into the water and pulling the cord to start it.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund as the boat begins to move. His eyes are wide, mouth partially open in shock. He’s staring at Brienne, amazed. He has one flipper on, still holding the other up in mid-air.]
Tormund, dazed - Marry Me.
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor. Sandor’s well-defined chest is shirtless and he’s in a bathing suit. Sansa is in a bikini, her body lean and fit. Sansa looks up, watching Brienne and Tormund’s boat head back to the beach.]
Sansa, confused - What? How are they already done? [She looks over to Sandor. He brings his eyes up quickly from her ass, clearing his throat as he shrugs. Sansa narrows her eyes at him playfully.]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte and Jon jumping in the water, both in bathing suits. Camera pans over to show Davos, in a bathing suit, already in the water. He hands a lobster to a fully-dressed Melisandre, which she holds gingerly, whispering to it quietly and placing it in a bucket. Davos takes a big breath before going back down to the traps.]
[Camera pans back to Sandor and Sansa as they both jump into the water. Both pop back up, quickly taking a deep breath before going below the surface again.]
[Camera pans the area as we see the teams working steadily. Ygritte comes up, bringing back two lobsters and putting them into their boat. Jon comes up from the water, his face frustrated and his hands empty.]
Jon, confused - They keep moving away from me in the traps! I can’t get one.
[Ygritte laughs, swimming to him to give him a kiss before diving back down. Jon lets out a frustrated noise before following her under the water. Davos comes up, handing Melisandre two lobsters. She takes them gracefully, whispering to them as she puts them in the bucket. Sansa comes up, cringing as she holds one lobster in her hand cautiously. She quickly moves to the side of their boat, letting out a stressed noise as she drops it down inside. Sandor comes up behind her, putting one in their boat. She smiles at him before diving under the surface again. Sandor takes a breath before following her down.]
[Camera cuts to Davos as he comes up from the water, holding two lobsters in one hand while he swims with the other towards his boat. He hands them to Melisandre, who whispers to them before putting them in the bucket. Davos climbs into the boat while Melisandre turns to the fisherman. She speaks to him in Summer Tongue and he nods.
[Subtitles for Melisandre read - “Please take us back to the beach now, Jhala.”]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte as she comes up from the water, two more lobsters in her hand. She swims over to their boat, dropping them in. Jon comes up from under the water, his face more frustrated. He wipes his hair out of his eyes indignantly with his hand as we see Melisandre and Davos’s boat move quickly back towards the beach in the background.]
Jon, frustrated - I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong!
[Ygritte swims to his side. She puts her hand on the side of his face affectionately. She tilts her head, looking at him expectantly. Jon sighs.]
Jon - Should I just get back in the boat?
[Ygritte nods. We can see she’s trying to hide a smile.]
Ygritte, amused - At least it's not trying to fuck you.
[Jon laughs as she kisses him again before diving down under the water. Jon swims back towards their boat, still chucking.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa as they’re swimming to their boat. Sansa cringes as she drops her lobster over the side. Sandor drops two into their boat and Sansa smiles up at him. She lifts herself up into the boat, sitting down quickly on the opposite side so Sandor can lift himself up without the boat capsizing. She gives their fisherman a thumbs up, which he returns with a smile as Sandor collects all of their lobster and puts them in the bucket. We hear the engine start-up and their boat starts moving back towards the beach. Sandor and Sansa sit next to each other, the wind blowing their hair wildly. We see Jon and Ygritte’s boat starting to move behind them. Sansa grimaces as she watches the lobsters squirm around in the bucket. Sandor laughs, moving the bucket out of her view with his foot. He leans close to her, speaking loudly over the engine and wind.]
Sandor, teasing - I’m surprised you could bring yourself to touch them. [He leans forward, grabbing his shirt from the bottom of the boat, turning it right-side-out as he leans back.]
Sansa, playfully - Well, I couldn’t let you think I was some princess who made you do all the work. [She smacks her hand down on his shirt, knocking it from his hands. He looks over at her with his eyebrow raised. She shrugs, gesturing to his muscled chest, smiling.] It’s my payment for lobster-collecting services.
[Sandor laughs, reaching down to pick his shirt back up. He bunches it up in his hand, resting it on his lap as he lifts his other arm up, laying it across the side of the boat behind Sansa. She smiles up at him. After a moment she leans forward, getting her shirt from the bottom of the boat. She laughs as Sandor smacks it out of her hand.]
[Camera cuts to a shot of the interior of an airplane. Arya and Gendry are on one row, leaning against each other, sleeping. Tyene and Podrick are behind them, playing a game of cards on the seat table.]
Petyr voiceover - Arya, Tyene, Gendry and Podrick are on their way to the Summer Islands. Will their new alliance survive when they realize they’re now likely competing for the last place in the Race?
[Camera cuts to the beach as Brienne and Tormund climb out of their boat. Tormund grabs their bags as Brienne gets the bucket of lobster. They jog up to a waiting fisherman and Brienne hands him the bucket. He looks down into it, counting before he looks up at them smiling. He nods, handing them a yellow envelope. Brienne and Tormund nod at him respectfully before Brienne takes it, moving over to the side. Brienne tears it open, pulling out the papers and holding it so Tormund can see.]
Brienne - Roadblock. ‘Who’s ready to ride do it for the vine?’
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Brienne looks off camera, her face confused. “Do we have to decide right now who does it? That ‘clue’ gives us nothing.” We hear mumbling off-screen. Brienne scowls, looking over at Tormund. “What do you think, Tormund?”]]
Tormund, casual - It can’t be anything that bad. Maybe I’ll be swinging through the jungle like Tarzan. [He beats his hands on his chest, yelling loudly. Brienne smiles, shaking her head at him as he looks into the camera.] I’ll do it.
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking slowly along a high ledge in front of a beautiful river. His shirt is still open and he seems very relaxed.]
Petyr - For this roadblock, one team member will have to take part in a local Summer Island custom - vine jumping.
[Camera cuts to a video of a local man reaching the top of a huge man-made structure. He has a vine attached to his ankles. The man jumps, free-falling until the vine snaps him violently back, barely preventing him from colliding fatally with the ground. The men and women standing around him on the ground cheer madly as the man laughs.]
Petyr voiceover - Vine Jumping has been a part of the Summer Island culture for centuries, used as a rite of passage for young men and women to be known as adults within their community.
[Camera cuts to a different view of Petyr and we see a bridge with a person bungee jumping off of it behind him.]
Petyr - Luckily for our teams, using vines is a custom saved for only natives of Summer Island. Tourists wanting to enjoy the thrill of the fall can simulate the experience using bungee cords on this bridge. This task isn’t complicated and team members without a fear of heights can complete it quickly...jumping ahead of the competition.
[Camera cuts to a shot of Tormund standing on a ledge on the bridge, the bungee operator checking the cords at Tormund’s ankles and giving instructions in accented Common. Brienne is standing next to them, behind a waist-high gate. She looks uneasy.]
Operator, to Tormund - Now, this is perfectly safe. All you need to do is fall forward gently and gravity will do the work for you.
Tormund, excitedly - Can I jump off backward?
[Brienne sighs, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose.]
Operator, caught off guard - Uhhh…
[We see Tormund turn around, gleefully springing back into the air. He lets out a Tarzan yell as he falls, face thrilled.]
[Camera cuts up to Brienne. Her eyes are still closed.]
Brienne, deadpan - He jumped off backward, didn’t he?
Operator, looking down - Yeah, he’s gone.
[Brienne sighs, opening her eyes and looking over the edge of the bridge down at Tormund. Camera cuts down to him swinging back and forth by his feet. He’s giggling loudly.]
Tormund, yelling - Brienne! Ask him if I can go again! I want to do it naked!
[Brienne pinches the bridge of her nose again, although this time she is laughing.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund running down the bridge towards us, an unopened yellow envelope in Brienne’s hands. Tormund is smiling gleefully, his shorts bunched up in his hands against his chest. He’s wearing boots on his feet although the strings are untied and is otherwise naked. Davos and Melisandre are walking up the dirt path to the bridge. Melisandre nods politely to Tormund and Brienne as she passes them on the stairs up to the bridge. Davos stops walking at the base of the stairs, gaping at Tormund. Tormund smiles at Davos, winking.]
Tormund, cheekily - Impressive, isn’t it?
[Davos barks a laugh, closing his eyes as he shakes his head. He continues walking up the stairs. The shot widens, showing Melisandre behind the gate getting bungee cords attached to her ankles by the Operator, nodding along as he gives instructions.]
[Camera cuts back to Brienne and Tormund. They’re standing next to their waiting taxi. The door is open and their bags are laying on the floorboards. Tormund is getting dressed, laughing. She smacks him lightly on the chest.]
Brienne, amused - Will you stop? It’s not even that remarkable.
Tormund, teasing - Oh, so you looked? [He raises his eyebrows at her.] It’s only fair for me to see you naked now.
Brienne, defensive - Well it’s hard not to look when you’re constantly naked, flapping it around everywhere!
Tormund, suggestive - Oh, it’s hard alright.
[Brienne laughs, shaking her head at him. He grins back at her, finally dressed. He looks down at her lips, but she holds up the yellow envelope, clearing her throat. He reluctantly nods and she rips it open, pulling out the papers inside so he can see.]
Brienne - It’s the Pit Stop.
[Camera cuts to an aerial view of a cave with an underground lake. We see a very small Petyr waiting on the mat on the edge of the cave. Camera cuts to a shot of him on the ground, the lake behind him. His shirt is unbuttoned still and his words are slurring slightly.]
Petyr, smiling easily - This cave, known as the Om-Omboro Cave, is located on the northern coast of Wal-lllano. Teams must navigate their way here and search for me on the coveted Westerosi Mat. [He gestures animatedly to the mat at his feet] The last team to arrive…[He screws his face up and points a finger in the air as if chastising someone. He looks like a child trying to imitate a serious adult.]...may be eliminated.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr laughs as he puts his hand down, looking off-camera. “Varys, I’ve always loved you.” He gestures to the lake behind him and the surrounding trees. “I think the places you choose for the Race are sooo wonderful.” He puts his hand down and looks around, sighing happily. “Now, where is that looovely lady with my drink?”]]
[Camera cuts back to the bridge. Melisandre is standing on the ledge with bungee cords attached to her ankles. She has her eyes closed and her hands out, palms facing the sky. The operator looks over at Davos, unsure.]
Operator - She knows she can jump now, right?
Davos, unworried - Yeah, she knows. [He pulls a granola bar from his pocket, peeling back the wrapper and taking a bite. He chews leisurely.]
[Melisandre opens her eyes and looks at the operator. She says something in Summer Tongue to the Operator, her face intense.]
[Subtitles for Melisandre read - “Witness me.”]
[The operator looks confused. He looks over at Davos, who shrugs, still chewing. The Operator looks back at Melisandre.]
Operator - Uhhh.. okay?
[She stares at him, unmoving. He replies warily back to her in Summer Tongue.]
[Subtitles for Operator read - “You are witnessed…?”]
[She nods respectfully, facing forward again with her arms still extended. She falls forward silently, closing her eyes as she descends.]
[Camera cuts back to Davos as he leans forward, watching Melisandre fall.]
Davos, calmly - Oh, look at that. [He takes another bite of his bar.]
[Camera pans to the road where we see a taxi pull up. Sandor and Sansa exit, jogging up to the bridge. Sansa waves to Davos when they reach his side. Davos smiles back, crumpling up the wrapper and shoving it into his pocket. The Operator calls to them over his shoulder as he rotates a pulley system attached to a rope that leads down to Melisandre.]
Operator - I’ll be with you guys in one minute, right after I get her up.
[Sansa goes to the edge of the bridge, looking down at Melisandre. Her eyes widen and she looks back at Sandor.]
Sansa, relieved - I’m so happy we picked you to do this.
[Sandor comes to her side, looking down at Melisandre as she’s being lifted back up to the bridge. Her eyes are closed and she’s facing the sun. She has a smile on her face and she looks peaceful. Sandor shrugs, looking back at Sansa.]
Sandor - Can’t be all that bad if the fucking red witch did it.
[Sansa doesn’t look at him, instead looking down at the water beneath them. Her face looks pale.]
Sandor - Are you afraid of heights?
[Sansa nods, looking up at him. He shakes his head at her, smiling. She puts her hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes playfully at him.]
Sansa - Excuse you, it’s a perfectly rational fear to have!
Sandor, laughing - Why would you come on the Race if you’re afraid of heights? Every season has skydiving or bungee jumping or something to do with heights.
[Sansa quickly crosses her arms and puts a snooty look on her face.]
Sansa - Well, luckily I was paired with a big brute this season who can take care of it for me.
[Sandor laughs as the Camera cuts to Melisandre and Davos. They are both standing on the observer side of the gate as the Operator hands them their clue. Davos nods politely before he takes it and they walk back towards the stairs, exiting the frame.]
[Camera cuts to a shot facing Sandor and Sansa. The Operator opens the gate, gesturing for one of them to come in. Sandor steps forward, standing where the Operator is pointing. Sansa moves up, resting her hands on the top of the closed gate as she watches Sandor get outfitted with the bungee cords. Her face becomes more and more troubled.]
Sandor, laughing - Do you need a bucket? [She shakes her head, still looking down at the Operator connecting the cords.] I feel so honored that you care.
[Sansa looks up at him, frowning.]
Sansa, disturbed - I just don’t want to see you plummet to your death! [The Operator looks over his shoulder at her, frowning. Her eyes widen as she looks at him.]
Sansa, to the Operator - I don’t mean because of anything that you do.. I just mean.. [She looks back up to Sandor, her face nervous.] People have died doing this!
[Sandor laughs, reaching forward and putting his hand on the back of her neck. He pulls her towards him, his mouth crashing into hers. Sansa opens her mouth in shock and he takes advantage, running his tongue along the edge of hers. Sansa responds, moaning as she wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. She deepens the kiss, pushing her own tongue against his. He hums, enjoying the kiss for another moment before pulling back and looking down at her. Her arms are still around his neck and her face is shocked but pleased.]
Sandor, confidently - There. Now if I die, at least I'll have done that.
[Camera cuts to The Operator as he clears his throat. His face is amused.]
[Camera cuts to a view of all three of them. Sansa blushes, pulling him towards her for another kiss before removing her arms from around his neck. She smiles up at him. He returns her smile as he turns towards the ledge and steps out to the edge. He looks over at the Operator.]
Operator, amused - Ready to plummet to your death?
[We hear Sansa scoff off camera.]
Sandor, smirking - Fuck yeah.
[The Operator laughs, gesturing for him to go. Sandor looks down and jumps. We hear him yell “FUCK!” loudly as he falls.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she laughs, looking down at Sandor, her cheeks still red. She brings her hand up to her mouth, smiling as she watches Sandor swing back and forth down below.]
[Camera cuts to a view in front of the Temple of Love. It’s late afternoon as Arya and Tyene exit their cab, running up to the clue box. Gendry and Podrick’s taxi pulls up behind theirs and they exit. Tyene opens the clue box, reaching inside to pull out the last two clue envelopes. Arya turns back to Gendry and Podrick as they approach, her face upset.]
Arya, distressed - Fuck! There’s only two left.
[Tyene holds out one envelope to Podrick, who takes it. Her face is disappointed as she stares down at the ground. Podrick pulls her into his arms and she wraps her arms around his back. Podrick looks sad as he rests his chin on her head.]
[Camera cuts to Arya and Gendry as he walks over to her side.]
Gendry, comforting - Arya, it’ll be okay. [He tries to hug her but she shoves him away. His body barely moves backward as he looks at her, sighing.]
Arya, passionately - No, it will definitely not be fucking okay! Now we’re competing for last place! This is the complete fucking opposite of okay!
[Gendry puts his hand out to her and she takes it immediately. He pulls her to him as she hugs him forcibly. He looks over at Podrick and Tyene.]
Gendry, reasonably - We’ll all just do the best we can. Let’s run a separate race and .. whatever happens, happens. The best team will win.
Arya, sadly, muffled - Don’t hate us when we eliminate you then.
[Gendry laughs as Arya pulls back from his chest, smiling sadly up at him. He looks down at her.]
Gendry, rubbing her arms - I guarantee I could never hate you.
[Arya smiles, leaning up to kiss him. The movement between them looks practiced. He returns the kiss before he pulls away, looking over at Podrick and Tyene again.]
[Camera cuts to Podrick as he whispers something in Tyene's ear, who nods. She looks up at him and they exchange a kiss before separating.]
[Camera cuts to a view with all four of them as Tyene and Podrick open the envelopes. Everyone reads over the information.]
Podrick, sighing - We can take the diving one.
[Tyene looks at Arya, nodding.]
Arya, sighing - Okay, we can take the raft.
[Gendry pulls Arya into another hug, which she returns as Podrick hugs Tyene. Arya moves away from Gendry and the girls switch, Arya hugging Podrick and Tyene hugging Gendry before everyone moves back to their taxis. They all exchange a last glance before ducking down into the cars. The doors close and the taxis pull away, heading in opposite directions.]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte as she watches Jon get bungee cords attached to his ankles, playfully glaring at him. ]
Ygritte - Gods, I’m so jealous right now.
Jon, laughing - I’m just relieved it’s nothing to do with animals.
[Ygritte laughs as Jon makes an exaggerated relieved face, wiping his brow and blowing out his cheeks. The Operator tells Jon he’s ready and Jon leans over, giving Ygritte a kiss before shuffling over to the ledge. Jon looks over his shoulder at her, giving a terrible wink before he jumps, howling like a wolf on his way down. Ygritte laughs loudly before howling into the sky joyfully.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr as he waits happily on the mat next to the cave. He is slurping up the last bits of a drink through a straw as Brienne and Tormund jog up, panting heavily. Petyr smiles widely when he sees them, throwing the cup over his shoulder and raising his arms into the air in celebration.]
Petyr, joyfully - Brienne! Tormund! You’ve made it!! I am so pleased to tell you that you are team number ONE!
[Brienne and Tormund look at each other, both smiling widely. Tormund cheers loudly, pulling Brienne towards him in a hug. Brienne returns it happily, her smile beaming. Tormund backs away from her, pulling off his bag and dropping it on the ground. He looks to Petyr and tackles him, causing both of them to fall into the water below. Brienne lets out a shocked noise, calling Tormund’s name as she moves to the edge of the cave.]
[Our frame jostles as the camera man runs up to the edge showing us down into the cave. Tormund comes up first, a huge ripple of water around him and Petyr. Petyr comes up from the water, gasping, face shocked. He blinks for a moment before he laughs loudly, splashing water at Tormund. Tormund grins, looking at Petyr with surprise as he splashes Petyr back.]
[Camera pans back to Brienne as she watches them down below. She laughs, taking off her bag and dropping it on the mat. She dives into the water, entering it smoothly and coming up close to Tormund’s side. He smiles gleefully at her, pulling her close to him. She looks at him fondly for a moment before splashing him in the face. He sputters, wiping his eyes and growling at her playfully. She yells, laughing as she tries to get away from his grip but he dunks her under the water easily. He laughs and swims away from her when she pops up, sputtering. She smiles, yelling as she chases after him.]
[Camera cuts to a view of open water with a long boat on it. Podrick comes up from the water, swimming over to the boat and dropping three lobsters into it. Gendry comes up, wiping water from his face as he swims over to the boat, dropping in two lobsters. They look at each other glumly. Gendry nods to Podrick, gesturing for him to get in the boat. Podrick stares back at him for a moment before nodding back, lifting himself up into the boat easily. Podrick moves to the other side and squats down as Gendry lifts himself into the boat. Gendry collects the lobsters, putting them in a bucket as Podrick nods to the fisherman. The fisherman turns to the engine, dropping it into the water and pulling the cord. The engine hums to life and the fisherman guides the boat back to the beach.]
[Camera cuts to the side of a river. There are fishermen standing around next to piles of bamboo. Arya and Tyene enter the frame, dropping their bags roughly as they run to the bamboo. Tyene calls Arya’s name, gesturing with her chin to the bamboo raft that’s been built as a demonstration. It’s almost twenty pieces of bamboo tied together crudely with rope. Arya turns to the fishermen.]
Arya, pointing to the built raft - Does ours have to be exactly like that?
[A Fisherman steps forward shaking his head, speaking in accented Common.]
Fisherman - The only thing we were told is you have to use the bamboo to float the traps across the river. [He shrugs.] We don’t care how you do it.
[Tyene and Arya both look over to the lobster traps. Tyene looks at Arya.]
Tyene - Four?
[Arya nods. They bend down, grabbing four pieces of bamboo and moving closer to the edge of the river. Arya straightens the bamboo out, laying them side by side as Tyene jogs over to the rope coiled up next to the bamboo. She measures out a couple arm lengths before reaching behind her back. She brings a knife forward, cutting the rope twice swiftly and replacing the knife at the small of her back. She brings the rope over to Arya, dropping one length at her side and going down to the other end of the bamboo. They both work quickly, tying the bamboo together tightly to make a small raft.]
[Camera cuts to a view by the water as they put the raft in the river, nodding once they see that it floats. Arya holds the raft still as Tyene goes and gets two lobster traps, bringing them quickly to Arya. She sets them within Arya’s reach and turns to get more. Arya grabs one, loading it on top of the raft securely before doing the same to the other. They work efficiently, loading up the raft until there are eight traps in a rough pyramid shape on top of the bamboo. Tyene goes back to her end of the raft, pulling it further into the water. The water goes up to her waist as she crosses the river, Arya behind her keeping the traps steady. They reach the other edge of the river quickly, working silently to unload the traps and swim back across, dragging their raft behind them.]
[Camera cuts to a different view as Tyene and Arya toss their raft up on the land, both soaked as they approach the Fishermen.]
Arya - We good?
[The Fisherman nods, handing them their yellow envelope. Tyene and Arya both nod curtly as they take it. They turn, jogging to collect their bags and exiting the frame. The fishermen all look at each other with eyebrows raised, one asking a question in Summer Tongue. The other men shrug, shaking their heads with their eyes wide.]
[Subtitles for Fisherman - "Did anyone see where that girl even pulled the knife from?"]
[Camera cuts to the empty Pit Stop mat with two bags on it. Davos and Melisandre walk towards it, looking around.]
Davos, amused - Do you see a note anywhere?
[Melisandre smiles at him before she stops walking, her face concentrating.]
Melisandre - Listen.
[Davos stops walking, tilting his head slightly. He looks at Melisandre curiously as they both walk over the mat to look down into the cave.]
[Camera cuts to show us down into the water. We see Brienne and a shirtless Tormund wrestling each other, Brienne laughing wildly as she dunks Tormund under the water. Petyr is on top of an inflatable peacock float, a colorful drink with a pink umbrella in his hand. He’s wearing sunglasses as he looks up at Davos and Melisandre, smiling widely. His words are slurred.]
Petyr, loudly - DAVOOOOOS!! MELLY!!!!!!! You made it! You are team number TWO!!!
[He gestures to Tormund and Brienne, who have stopped wrestling to look up at Davos and Melisandre. They’re both panting, their faces happy.]
Petyr - Come join the party!!
[Davos and Melisandre look at each other. Davos laughs happily, dropping his bag next to the others before running and cannonballing into the water below. Everyone in the water cheers as Davos lands, making a giant splash. He comes up from the water, wiping his face as he turns to look up at Melisandre.]
[Camera cuts to Melisandre as she looks down into the water. Her face is blank. We hear voices from below calling her name and encouraging her to jump down into the water.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Melisandre looks off-camera. She smiles. “Do you have another float?”]]
[Camera cuts to the bridge as the Operator secures the bungee cord to Podrick’s ankles. The Operator gestures for Podrick to move forward and he shuffles to the edge, turning to exchange a fist bump with Gendry before he faces forward, jumping off the ledge.]
[Camera cuts to the empty mat with bags lying all around it as Sansa and Sandor approach. They look at each other incredulously as they walk to the edge of the cave.]
[Camera cuts to the water as we see the people below. Melisandre is fully dressed, floating on a giant inflatable hotdog near the side. Brienne is treading water in the middle, watching and cheering loudly as Davos and Tormund race each other towards Petyr on his peacock float, Davos ahead of Tormund slightly. Petyr is laying back with his eyes closed, humming the Westerosi Race theme song loudly, hands raised in the air as if conducting. He stops abruptly when Davos knocks into him, winning the race. Petyr looks at Tormund and jeers at him for losing, making a rude face. Tormund laughs, coming up to Petyr and flipping him over. We hear a high pitched scream as he falls into the water.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne as she notices Sansa and Sandor up above. She calls out their names, gesturing for them to come down.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr, who is crawling on top of his peacock float. He’s very uncoordinated and he can’t quite get up. He lays across the bottom of it, panting heavily with his legs still in the water. Tormund swims over to him and lifts him up, holding the float so Petyr can crawl sloppily up to the seat. It’s very undignified.]
Tormund, to Petyr - Hey! You have a job to do! [He smiles as he gestures up to Sansa and Sandor.]
[Petyr looks up to Sansa and Sandor, squinting. He clears his throat, slicking his hair back from his forehead. He straightens his clothing and his voice is overly regal when he speaks.]
Petyr, formally - Ms. Stark. Mr. Clegane. You are the third team to arrive.
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as they look at each other, their faces confused and amused.]
[Camera cuts back to the water as Tormund laughs, looking at Petyr. He flips him over again, Petyr flying into the water with another scream.]
Davos, loudly to Sandor and Sansa - You have to cannonball in! It’s a rule!
[Sansa and Sandor smile, shaking their heads incredulously as they remove their bags, dropping them on the ground with the others. Sandor gestures for Sansa to go first. She takes a running start, jumping in with her hands wrapped around her legs, making a small splash when she lands. She comes up from the water, wiping her hair out of her face as she looks up at Sandor. He tilts his head at her.]
Sandor, teasing - Aw, that was cute. [He backs up from the edge. He runs full speed towards the cave, leaping as he shouts.] I would move if I were you!
[Sansa squeals as she swims to the side. We see Sandor jumping into the water, his body curled in a ball. He makes a huge splash, the water rippling around him in big waves. Everyone laughs as the waves push them all further away from the center. Sandor comes up from the water, shaking his head to the side to move his hair away from his face. Tormund and Davos cheer loudly, clapping for Sandor.]
[Sandor nods to them, his mouth turned up in a small smile. He turns, looking for Sansa. She smiles as she swims to his side and he grabs her, pulling her close.]
Sansa, quietly - Show off.
[Sandor hums as he kisses her. She wraps her arms around his neck, her legs going around his waist naturally as she deepens the kiss.]
[Camera cuts to the rest of the group as Tormund cheers, bringing his hand to his mouth to whistle loudly at Sansa and Sandor. Brienne puts her hand on top of his head, dunking him under the water. He resurfaces, wiping his face off and laughing as she admonishes him.]
[Camera cuts to the bridge, as the Operator secures the bungee cord to Tyene’s ankles. He gestures for her to move forward and she shuffles to the edge, turning to nod at Arya. Arya nods back and Tyene faces forward, jumping off the ledge.]
[Camera cuts to the empty mat again, a small mountain of bags on top of it. It’s early evening as Ygritte and Jon approach the cave.]
[Camera cuts to show us the water below. Melisandre is on her hotdog float, still fully dressed. She’s talking to Davos, who is floating next to her on a huge inflatable set of boobs. Petyr is passed out on top of his peacock float. Sandor, Sansa, Brienne and Tormund have moved over to a shallow end of the water. They’re fighting in a chicken-fight, Sansa sitting on top of Sandor’s shoulders trying to wrestle Tormund off of Brienne’s shoulders.]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte and Jon. Jon looks surprised. Ygritte is grinning widely. She drops her bag with the others and runs to the edge, cannonballing into the water with a sizable splash. Jon laughs, dropping his bag and diving into the water after her.]
[Tormund looks over his shoulder to cheer at Ygritte and Jon. Sansa takes advantage of his distraction and pushes him off of Brienne’s shoulders. He falls into the water, coming back up and laughing good-naturedly. He swims over to Ygritte, Brienne, Sansa and Sandor following him.]
Brienne - Have you guys been checked in?
[Jon and Ygritte exchange a look, furrowing their brows as they look back at Brienne and shake their heads. She sighs, swimming over to Petyr and dragging his float back to the group. She smacks the side of his float.]
Petyr, slurring - Not tonight, Daddy’s clam hammer is tired.
[Brienne looks at Petyr, her face horrified. Tormund cackles loudly. The rest of the group looks nauseated. She smacks the side of his float again.]
Brienne, disgusted - No, Petyr, the fourth team has arrived.
[Petyr’s eyes stay closed as he raises one hand in the air, four fingers aimed towards the sky.]
Petyr, slurring - Congratulashuns, You are the fourth team!
[Brienne’s face is still grimacing as she pushes his float away from the group. Camera cuts to a montage of all of them swimming and playing in the water. There are more chicken fights - most excitedly Tormund on top of Ygritte vs. Jon on top of Sansa (Jon fell off first) and Tormund on top of Brienne vs. Jon on top of Ygritte (Jon fell off first).]
[Camera cuts to everyone floating on their backs, with Melisandre and Davos still on their floats. They’re all looking up at the sky, watching the sun go down. Petyr is snoring over on the side, face down on his float. Jon lifts his head up, looking over at everyone.]
Jon - Does anyone know how we’re supposed to get out of here?
[The rest of the group raises their heads, looking around. No one answers.]
[Camera cuts to Arya and Tyene as they sprint down a dirt road, the sky dark. There are tall trees and grass on both sides of the road. They make an abrupt turn down a path, maintaining a steady speed as they sprint away from the camera.]
[Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick inside a taxi, leaning forward, trying to explain to their driver where to go, the sky dark outside the car. The driver looks at them in the rearview mirror, holding his hands up in confusion. Podrick sits back in the seat, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration. Gendry sighs, looking down at the paper in his hands.]
[Camera cuts to the Pit Stop mat, torches surrounding the mat illuminating the area well. Petyr is in a new set of clothes, his face looking rough and his hair all askew. He is unsteady on his feet a bit as he shifts his weight. We hear running feet approaching the mat and he looks up, his face tired.]
[Camera cuts to a different view as Arya and Tyene emerge from the foliage, panting heavily as they approach the mat. Arya comes all the way to Petyr, her face in his.]
Arya, tersely - What place are we in?
[Petyr cringes at her volume. He blinks slowly, moving his head back as he tries to focus on her face.]
Petyr - You’re fifth.
[Arya and Tyene sigh, closing their eyes, both looking upset. Arya turns from Petyr, smacking her open palm against a tree. Petyr looks confused.]
Petyr - Didn’t you hear me? You’re fifth, not last.
[Arya is still facing the tree, breathing in deeply with her eyes closed. Tyene turns to Petyr, her face angry.]
Tyene, tersely - We heard you.
[Petyr slumps and tilts his head, looking at her sympathetically. He steps over to Tyene, putting his hand on her shoulder. Tyene looks down at his hand, her face blank.]
Petyr, softly - You know, I can see that you’re upset. I don’t know why but.. perhaps I can help comfort you? [He rubs her shoulder with his hand.]
[Tyene looks up at Petyr’s face, smiling dangerously. She nods and Petyr smiles affectionately at her. Tyene’s face shifts to anger as she leans backward, bringing up her leg and swiftly kicking Petyr in the stomach. Petyr flies backward, letting out a high pitched scream as he falls into the cave. We hear a splash from down below, followed by indignant sputtering.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - We hear his voice echoing in the cave. “Someone toss me my peacock NOW!” No one moves to help him. “VARYS! I know you can hear me! Hurry the fuck up, it’s dark down here!!” Arya and Tyene roll their eyes, moving to go back the way they came. We hear Petyr again, starting to sound stressed. “Hello? Why is no one answering me! I TOLD you to hur- fuck! What was that? Guys! Something just brushed against my leg.” A moment passes where we hear splashing. “Hello? VARYS!!”]]
[Camera cuts to Gendry and Podrick as they sit in the back of their taxi. Gendry is trying to show the driver the clue but the driver shakes his head, his face confused.]
[Camera swivels to the side as Podrick’s car door jerks open. Petyr is bending over, looking into the car. He has a towel wrapped around his shoulders and his face is angry.]
Petyr, curtly - The leg is over. You’ve been eliminated.
[Petyr slams the door shut and Podrick winces at the noise. He looks over at Gendry. They smile faintly to each other, both sitting back and sighing in the seat.]
- - -
Sansa looked over at the bonfire from her chair at the outdoor bar, smiling as she watched Gendry lean towards Arya, whispering something in her ear. Sansa turned to her side as she felt Sandor brush against her. She looked up at him but he was looking over at the bonfire too.
“The Dicks are lucky the next flight off the island isn’t until tomorrow.” He looked down at her. She smiled up at him before turning to look back at the group circled around the fire.
“Yeah, Arya is pretty happy.” She watched as Arya cackled at something Gendry said, pushing him until he fell over backward into the sand. Arya laughed harder.
“You two have an interesting relationship.” Sandor gestured to Arya with his chin.
Sansa sighed, looking back down at the bartop. “It’s complicated, but.. I think I’m starting to see that Arya was right. About some things.” She looked up at him, smiling faintly.
He looked over her face, humming as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. She leaned into him, tilting her head to get a better angle. She brushed her tongue against his as he stepped closer to her, pressing his body against her side. His hand fell to her waist and she brought her hand to the front of his shirt, bunching it up in her grip. He ran his tongue against hers, kissing her slowly. She hummed happily, pulling back to smile at him.
She scrunched her face up, her tone mimicking Sandor’s terribly. “'I didn’t come for fun, I came to win.'”
Sandor barked a laugh, rolling his eyes as he stepped back, leaning his forearms on the bartop. The bartender placed Sandor’s beer bottle in front of him and Sansa’s fruity drink in front of her. They both nodded to the bartender, taking their drinks in their hands.
“Yeah, well, maybe I decided I can do both.” He took a drink from his bottle, standing up straight from the bar. Sansa stood up from her chair, pushing it in as she moved towards the bonfire.
“Oh really? Do I get any say in this?” She teased him, looking up at his face when he fell into step beside her.
He tilted his head to the side, considering. He looked down at her. “When you stop having fun, you let me know.” She smiled, nodding her head as they sat down together on a log next to the fire.
And that's it for the Summer Islands! Did you enjoy Grey Worm's home??
1. The Temples of Love are actually sex palaces! This is a direct quote from the official Song of Ice and Fire Wiki - "The main god they worship is the god of fertility, and the act of lovemaking is considered an important and holy skill. The most skilled become priests and priestesses." Sooo... 😳 Maybe I should do a dirty Amazing Race?? Can you imagine? "Team members will receive their next clue once they've satisfied 5 locals each." 😂😂
2. The Meereen Train station is a real building! The exterior and interior are both the Jeddah Haramain Train Station in Saudi Arabia. I can't find out exactly how much it cost to build but my best guess is $294,494,438.27
3. The bag/teenage boy scene in the train station is actually the very first one I ever thought of and is therefore the whole reason this story exists! I believe women don't NEED men to protect them but something about Sandor coming to Sansa's defense gets me every time I read it in other stories!
4. The beautiful Volantis Airport is really the Groningen Train station in the Netherlands.
5. The interior shot of the train where Arya & Crew are playing cards is on the Irish Rail in Dublin!
6. Five letters, 'Noise you make in bed' is obviously SNORE, Sandor! Get your mind out of the gutter! (Or don't. Actually, no don't.)
7. Summer Island beach and water shots for the lobster dive are all from Thailand. Lobster diving has been featured on TAR before, Season 9, Leg 8. They only had to retrieve one lobster though, boooo! Season 7, Leg 11 teams had to build bamboo rafts and let me tell you.. Arya and Tyene made it look easy.
8. The bungee jump river shots are from the Kawarau River in New Zealand. Fun Fact - It was the world's first commercial bungee jumping spot!
9. Vine jumping is a real thing performed by the men of the island Vanuatu. It was actually a precursor for bungee jumping! They also do it for tourists who visit their island and there are videos on youtube if you're interested.
10. Every season on TAR has someone DEATHLY afraid of heights and they're always completely shocked when there's a bungee jump/skydive task. Like.. why?? Do you watch the show???
11. "Witness me" is inspired/taken from Mad Max, the Warboy saying it is trying to earn his way into Valhalla, usually by doing something stupid. The other Warboys will respond 'witness'. Melisandre isn't trying to get into Valhalla but I do believe she is using this as a spiritual experience.
11. The Omboro Cave is really the Melissani Cave in Greece.
And that's it!
Who do you guys think is going to win???
Chapter 5: Episode Five - 'Jon's probably gonna get taken out by a horny goat or something'
Hi, hi! Welcome to Episode Five!
Real quick - my story wasn't indicating that I had updated for a couple chapters so please make sure you've read Chapters 3 and 4 that went up over the weekend!
(I figured out why! I'll explain at the end with the rest of my notes!)
Ok, you kids enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Petyr voiceover - Previously on The Westerosi Race…
[Start with a clip of Brienne and Tormund hugging on the Pit Stop mat, followed by a clip of Tormund pulling Brienne towards him in the cave while she looks at him fondly.]
Brienne and Tormund had their first First place win last week. Will this help bring them closer together or add more pressure to their alliance, tearing them apart?
[Cut to a clip of Melisandre bungee jumping off the bridge, Davos eating his granola bar calmly as he watches.]
Davos and Melisandre continue to perform well, working together to remain at the top. Will their newfound friendship help lead them all the way to the million dollars?
[Cut to a clip of Arya and Tyene as they play cards on the train to Volantis with Podrick and Gendry. Gendry laughs loudly, pointing to one of the cards Arya just played, shaking his head as she shoves his hand away, laughing.]
Arya and Tyene lost their closest alliance last episode, despite the fact that Arya has two siblings in the race. Will they fight harder for vengeance for their fallen comrades or will they lose their competitive edge?
[Cut to clip of Sandor pulling Sansa towards him, smiling as he kisses her on the bridge. Her arms come around his neck as she kisses him back.]
Sandor and Sansa have added a new dynamic to their race. Will Sandor stop pushing Sansa to try new things now that they’ve entered into a blossoming romance, causing them to lose the Race?
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking in front of a wall made of large tan stones.]
Petyr - All of this and more on this week’s episode of The Westerosi Race!
Petyr voiceover - Each team will be departing ten minutes apart based on the order they placed in the previous leg. For this leg of the race, each team will receive $283. Brienne and Tormund are the first to depart.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - A sound technician is standing in front of Brienne and Tormund on the mat, facing them. “Well, shit, sorry guys, I need to change out these mic batteries before we start. I’ll be right back.” She walks away from them, exiting the frame. We have no sound as we see Tormund lean over to Brienne, saying something. She looks at him, a skeptical look on her face as she shakes her head no. He nods his head enthusiastically as he takes his bag off, laying it flat on the mat. He gestures to her bag and she rolls her eyes as she takes it off, handing it over to him. He takes it from her, stacking it on top of his, then he squats down, putting his elbow down on top of the bags, his hand in the air. He looks at her expectantly. Her face is amused as she squats down, putting her hand in his, her elbow down on the bags. We see Tormund count to 3 and then all the tendons in his arm flex as he and Brienne arm wrestle. The tendons in Brienne’s neck are flexing and her face begins to turn red as she fights against him, his face red and eyes focused on their hands, their knuckles white. After a moment, she slams his hand down against the bags, winning. Tormund looks at her gleefully, his face impressed. They stand up, each getting their own bags and putting them back on. We see Tormund turn to her, holding her fingers in his as he says something to her. She laughs as she looks at him fondly, her cheeks darkened. The sound technician comes back, handing them their mics. They let go of each other’s hands, putting the mics on under their clothes. We have sound again. A production assistant hands Brienne a yellow envelope.“Ok, open it whenever you’re ready.”]]
[Brienne holds up a yellow envelope, ripping it open and pulling out the papers so Tormund can see.]
Brienne - Travel by plane to Dorne. [She looks over at Tormund, smiling sympathetically at him.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Tormund looks off-camera, his face melancholy. “Are we ever going somewhere with snow again?”]]
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking along a path, a tan castle with a solid wall around it behind him.]
Petyr - Dorne is found on the southern tip of Westeros, a country known for being hot and sunny every day of the year. While there are lush rainforests as you travel inland, Dorne has a dry and arid landscape along the mountain ranges that make up a large portion of this country.
[Petyr walks forward, his feet coming next to a star fountain in the walkway.]
Petyr - It is here, at Starfall Temple, where teams must navigate to next.
- - -
Sansa smiled politely at the man sitting next to her when he bumped her arm again.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He smiled at her. “I swear, they make these seats smaller every year.” He pushed up his glasses as he laughed at his own joke.
She smiled politely again, nodding at him. The man looked back down at his book, chuckling to himself. Sansa sighed, leaning out into the aisle and looking back at Sandor. He was three rows behind her on the other side of the aisle, sitting next to a lady who was holding a baby. The baby was sitting up, chewing on her fist as she smiled happily at Sandor. Sandor’s arms were crossed against his chest, scowling at the baby. The baby laughed, slapping her wet hand against his arm.
Sandor grimaced, looking down at the wet spot on his bare skin. He took a deep breath in, closing his eyes as he laid his head back against the headrest.
Sansa smiled, shaking her head as she turned back around in her seat.
- - -
[Camera cuts to a dirt road in front of the Starfall Temple as two taxis pull up. Arya and Tyene exit out of one, sprinting up to the clue box, their bags bouncing on their backs as Sansa and Sandor exit the other, running behind them with their bags on. Arya reaches the box first, opening it and digging a clue out. She hands Tyene the envelope, slamming the lid to the clue box shut just as Sansa is reaching inside. Arya laughs as she moves to stand next to Tyene. Sansa scoffs, rolling her eyes as she opens the clue box and pulls out a yellow envelope.]
[Camera cuts to Tyene as she rips open the clue, pulling out the papers so she and Arya can read it.]
Arya - Roadblock! ‘Who can walk softly?’
Tyene, to the camera - I’ll do it.
[Arya nods in agreement as Tyene opens the paper further, reading the instructions silently. She finishes, saying a word in Old Rhoynish as she passes the paper to Arya. Arya looks confused as they jog down the stone stairs and disappear around a corner.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. Sansa is scowling with narrowed eyes, looking in the direction Arya and Tyene went. Sandor has a look of concentration on his face as he repeats the word Tyene said over and over to himself. He turns to Sansa just as Sansa looks into the camera.]
Sandor - Fuck, I think she just said-
Sansa, to the camera - I’ll do it.
[Sandor’s eyes widen as he finishes his sentence.]
Sandor - snakes.
[Sansa turns to face him abruptly.]
Sansa, shrill - WHAT?!
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Camera is zoomed in on Petyr’s trailer. Petyr opens the door, stepping out onto the ground with a paper bib tucked into the front of his shirt, the makeup man squeezing out the door behind him. He lifts his makeup brush, swiping at Petyr's cheek until Petyr waves him off, making an annoyed noise as he pulls the bib free from his shirt, dropping it on the ground. Petyr walks towards the set, yanking a script from an assistant’s hands. The assistant scowls at him as Petyr walks casually, his eyes scanning the open page. We see him turn around back to his trailer without pausing his stride, saying “Nope, nope, nope.” He throws the script over his shoulder as he opens the door to his trailer and steps inside, closing the door behind him forcibly, the trailer rocking side to side.]]
[Camera cuts to footage of a four-foot deep pit in the middle of a stone amphitheater. There are snakes coiled up all along the ground inside it.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - We hear a noise that sounds like a microphone rubbing up against something, then Petyr’s voice far away. “No, no. I agreed to come do a fucking voiceover but I’m not looking at fucking footage of them. Turn it the fuck off.” We hear mumbling. “Oh go fuck off somewhere, Varys. I know it’s your demented brain that even thought to do a task with them, you artless pissbasket.”]]
Petyr voiceover - In this Roadblock, one team member is going to test their quickness of feet by completing this simple task - they must retrieve a clue envelope from the ground in the middle of this snake-filled pit. If a team member loses their nerve… they could strikeout of the competition.
[Camera cuts to the snake pit. Sansa and Sandor are standing in the amphitheater, Sansa’s face horrified as she stares at the snake pit. Arya and Tyene are at the edge of it, Tyene squatting and looking down into it.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he faces Sansa and puts his hands on her shoulders.]
Sandor, confidently - Sansa. Sansa, look at me. [She does.] You can fucking do this. [She shakes her head no and he huffs a laugh.] Look. Just watch where Tyene steps and then [He looks over at the pit.] Well… fuck, she’s already done.
[Camera pans over as Arya and Tyene jog out of the amphitheater, Tyene holding an unopened clue envelope in her hand.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor as she makes a worried noise, her face panicked as she looks at Sandor.]
Sansa, speaking quickly - Sandor. I can’t do this. I know I’ve said that before but listen, I really can’t do it this time.
Sandor, confidently - I know you can do this. [Sandor pulls her towards him, wrapping his arms around her back. We can see her hands gripping the back of his shirt.] Sansa, listen. The shitstain producers wouldn’t fill a pit full of venomous snakes. That would be a fucking legal catastrophe. [He pulls her back, looking in her eyes.] This is all mental.
Sansa, nodding slowly, still panicked - It’s all mental. I can do it, it’s all mental.
[Sandor nods as he guides her to the pit. She stares down into it, terrified. Melisandre enters into the shot, walking smoothly through the pit. She bends down to grab a clue, whispering to the snakes in Old Rhoynish as she walks out the other side without slowing her pace. Sansa’s shoulder slump as she looks over at Sandor, her face annoyed. Sandor peers into the pit, craning his neck to look.]
Sandor, curiously - Did you see where she stepped?
[Sansa rolls her eyes]
Sandor - Look, can you step out onto one of those pillars? [He gestures to the stones in the middle of the pit.]
[Sansa squats down at the edge of the pit, extending one of her legs out. Her foot can’t quite reach the pillar and she brings it back in, sighing.]
[Camera pans as Brienne and Ygritte enter the shot. Everyone greets each other and Sansa looks around curiously.]
Sansa - Where is Jon? And Tormund?
[Brienne and Ygritte exchange a look, both amused. Ygritte rolls her eyes as she points back at the amphitheater entrance.]
[Camera cuts to a wide view, showing everyone. Tormund is standing at the edge of the amphitheater, his hands on his hips as he looks at Brienne, his face wary. Jon is standing behind him, his head poking out nervously.]
Sandor, incredulous - Oh, for fuck’s sake! [He turns to the entrance, yelling loudly] Get in here, you fucking cowards!
[Jon shakes his head no as Tormund cups his hands around his mouth.]
Tormund, loudly - They’re just angry sticks! I don’t trust them!
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he rolls his eyes, muttering ‘fucking cunts’ as he turns back to Sansa. She’s squatting by the pit, looking down inside it nervously. He walks over to her, squatting down next to her.]
Sandor - What’s your plan?
Sansa, sighing - I just have to do it, I think. The quicker, the better. Arya is just going to get farther and farther ahead… I don’t want us to get eliminated. [She looks over at him, smiling slightly.] I’m not done having fun.
[Sandor smirks, raising an eyebrow at her. He gestures to the pit with his chin, looking back at her and nodding confidently. She smiles a bit more, standing up and walking over to the entrance. He stands up as well, breathing in deeply as he watches her.]
[Camera cuts to a wide shot of the pit. Brienne has her leg extended out, putting one foot on top of a column. She shifts her weight over, standing fully on the column. She squats down, trying to reach a clue on the ground. She sighs, not quite able to reach it. She puts one of her hands on another column, leaning forward and reaching down with the other hand, grabbing the clue quickly. She pushes off the column with her hand, sitting back up into a squat. She stands, stepping back onto solid ground. She shudders, her whole body spasming as she makes a face of disgust. She nods at everyone before jogging away, leaving the frame.]
[Sansa looks over at Ygritte, gesturing for her to go first. Ygritte nods, looking at the pit. Sansa winces as Ygritte jumps, landing solidly on a column. She puts a hand on top of another column, reaching down to get a clue. She grabs one, sitting back up in one motion into a squat position on top of the column. She jumps back, landing on solid ground as she stands. She nods to Sandor and Sansa before running out of the frame.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she groans, closing her eyes as her head tilts back, her face towards the sky. She sighs, lifting her head and looking over at Sandor.]
[Camera shows them both as Sandor nods at her, his face confident. Sansa takes a deep breath before she steps down into the pit. We hear her say ‘Ew, ew, ew, ew’ in a continuous chant as she walks over to the last clue, avoiding stepping on any snakes. She bends down, continuing her mantra as she grabs a clue, standing and tip-toeing quickly out of the pit. She shrieks loudly, flinging the clue at Sandor. It bounces off his chest as he watches her jump back and forth on the balls of her feet, waving her hands in the air. Her eyes are pinched shut and her face is disgusted as she resumes chanting “Ew, ew, ew.”]
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he laughs, bending down to pick up the envelope. He stands, grabbing one of her flailing arms and pulling her towards him. He hugs her, still laughing slightly as she finally stops her chant. She’s breathing heavily as she grips the back of his shirt in her hands.]
Sansa, muffled - We need to go. We’re in last.
Sandor, hurriedly - Oh, fuck.
[Sandor lets her go, ripping the envelope open and pulling out the paper so Sansa can see.]
Sansa, curiously - Huh, Route Info.
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking slowly in front of ornate city buildings.]
Petyr - Teams must now navigate themselves to the closest town to Starfall Temple, High Hermitage. They’ll need to find ‘Torentine Tours’, a local shuttle company that runs vans up to the Torentine, a river that runs through one of the mountain ranges here in Dorne. Teams will need to buy their tickets for the next shuttle. Once teams make it to the Torentine, they’ll find their next clue.
[Camera cuts to a view of High Hermitage. Sansa and Sandor are exiting a building with ‘Torentine Tours’ signage above the door. Sansa is holding some papers, squinting as she looks at them.]
Sansa, to Sandor - Where did she say the shuttle picks us up?
[Sandor points to the right.]
Sandor - She said down here and to the right.
[Sansa nods, sighing. They begin walking the direction Sandor pointed.]
Sansa, sullen - Not like it matters, we have a whole hour to find it. [She looks up at Sandor.] I’m sorry we’re so far behind.
[Sandor reaches for her hand, holding it as they continue walking. He’s craning his neck, trying to find the area they need to wait in.]
Sandor, confidently - We’ll catch up to them.
Off-camera voice - Oh, you gotta be fucking shitting me!
[Camera pans over to show Arya with a look of pure rage on her face. Her hands are on her hips as she glares at Sansa.]
Arya, irate - This is such fucking bullshit! No other legs had this type of equalizer! Where was my equalizer in the Summer Islands, huh?
Sansa, confused but hopeful - Equalizer? We’re all here?
[Arya makes a rude hand gesture at Sansa, rolling her eyes and waving her other hand to the right. Camera pans over to show everyone sitting down on the curb in a line. Jon waves weakly at Sansa, his face wincing.]
Jon, wearily - Davos said she’s been angry ever since they showed up. [He points over to Davos and Melisandre. Davos waves, smiling happily. Melisandre nods politely, smiling.]
Arya, walking over to the group - Because it’s bullshit! What kind of shuttle company only runs two shuttles a day? [She lifts up her ticket stub, flicking it into the air. It floats down to the ground sadly.] A bullshit company that’s been paid to make us all wait so we’re equal again. [She gestures to Tyene, who’s leaning against a wall, her jaw tight with frustration.] This was supposed to be OUR leg. We were finally going to win one! [She makes an aggravated noise, turning away from the group with her hands behind her head, breathing deeply.]
[Sansa looks up at Sandor, grimacing.]
Sansa, quietly - She’s kind of got a point.
Sandor, incredulous - You’re not ecstatic right now? I feel fucking fantastic.
Sansa, sighing - Obviously I’m thrilled for us but.. She just lost Gendry and Podrick. It’s just been a rough couple of days for her, that’s all. [She looks back at Arya.] I don’t blame her for being angry.
Arya, voice mocking - ‘I don’t blame her for being angry.’ Oh, thank you for your sympathy, Princess Sansa.
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she rolls her eyes, shrugging her shoulders as she looks up at Sandor.]
Sansa, cheerfully - Well, I tried. [She claps her hands, her face bright.] Yay, an Equalizer!
[Arya groans off-camera.]
[Camera cuts to a shot of a shuttle van pulling up in a dirt parking lot beside a rocky waterfall in the river. The doors open, Arya and Tyene springing from the van first. They sprint over to a clue box as the rest of the teams pile out of the van. Camera focuses on Sansa as she crawls out from the back. Her face brightens when she sees the waterfall.]
Sansa, cheerfully - Oh, this is beautiful! Maybe we’ll be jumping from the waterfall?
[Sandor comes to her side, an unopened envelope in his hand. He furrows his brows, looking over his shoulder at the waterfall. He talks as he opens the envelope, pulling out the papers and angling them so Sansa can see.]
Sandor, unsure - That seems too fucking easy..
Sansa, reading - Detour, ‘Smooth and Slow’ or ‘Fast and Rough’? [She looks up at him, her face amused.]
[Sandor smirks at her, raising his eyebrow at her expectantly. She laughs, cheeks blushing.]
Sansa, confidently - Fast and Rough, for sure. [Sandor grins at her, nodding his agreement.]
[Camera cuts to footage of a smooth river flowing between high rocky walls.]
Petyr voiceover - In ‘Smooth and Slow’, teams will enjoy a leisurely float down this portion of the Torentine River. This task is perfectly safe but time-consuming, with the entire process lasting about an hour.
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking slowly in front of some foliage. We hear water rushing off-camera.]
Petyr - In ‘Fast and Rough’, teams will have a different experience.
[Camera swivels as Petyr turns, rushing rapids now behind him. There’s an inflatable raft full of people crashing along in the water, almost capsizing.]
Petyr - Teams will start their float in a calm section of the river, enjoying the sights and sounds of the Torentine before their trip ends with a wild ride through these dangerous rapids - all totaling about 25 minutes. Teams will have to work together with their guide to avoid capsizing and landing themselves in the water. When their feet are back on dry land from either task, teams will receive their next clue. There are risks involved in either option - whether it’s time or safety - but a wise choice… could have them floating into First place.
[Camera cuts back to the parking lot. There are two arrows with the task names on them pointing down two different paths. Arya and Tyene are already gone. Sansa, Sandor, Brienne, Tormund, Ygritte and Jon all jog towards ‘Fast and Rough’. Davos is looking at Melisandre, his face stressed. Melisandre is looking at him intently.]
Melisandre, calmly - Trust me, Davos.
[Davos rubs his hand across his forehead, his face uncomfortable. Melisandre watches him, her face peaceful. She smiles at him when he finally sighs, nodding his head. He gestures for her to lead the way, following her as she walks down the 'Smooth and Slow' path.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Arya and Tyene’s raft is being pushed into the river, a guide inside with them. Another river guide is holding onto the rope attached to the top of the raft to stop it from floating away. A production assistant enters from off-camera, rubbing his forehead as he sighs. He addresses the teams. “Listen guys, we need a cameraman to ride in one of your rafts. Does anyone volunteer?” The teams all look at each other skeptically. Arya laughs, shaking her head as she lowers her oar into the water. She looks over at production before subtly gesturing to the guide to let them go. The guide inside the raft smiles as the outside guide furrows her brows, shaking her head no. Arya rolls her eyes. The assistant continues. “I know it’s not ideal so...the team who carries the cameraman will also get an extra guide to help row.” He gestures to a very fit man standing next to him, his arms the size of cantaloupes. Sandor raises his hand quickly, beating Brienne and Jon by seconds. The assistant points to Sandor and Sandor clenches his fist in front of his chest, muttering ‘fuck yeah’ as Brienne and Jon lower their hands, their faces disappointed. In the background we see Arya and Tyene’s float drifting into the river, Arya and the guide rowing silently as Tyene replaces her knife in its sheath at her lower back. The guide on the shore looks down at the rope left hanging in her hands, her face unamused.]]
[Camera cuts to a shot of us in a raft over a wide smooth river. Our frame is slightly cloudy, as if filming through plastic. Sandor is in front of us on the left side of the raft, his arms flexing with effort as he rows smoothly. Sansa is on the other side, closest to the edge of the river, rowing in a steady rhythm along with him although her strokes are not as effective. Two guides sit at the back steering and rowing as they watch the river. Everyone is wearing a bright yellow helmet and a red life jacket.]
[One of our guides yells out, gesturing with her chin down the river. Sandor and Sansa nod, keeping their rhythm. Camera pans forward to show the rapids far up ahead. We see Arya and Tyene ahead of us, still in smooth water heading for the rapids. Camera swivels as Tormund and Brienne pass our raft quickly, Brienne sitting at the front. Her arms flex powerfully with each row, her face focused. Tormund is behind her on the other side of the raft, matching her rhythm as his own arms work to push them along. He howls wildly as he passes Sandor and Sansa, yelling over to them genially. We hear Ygritte howl from off-camera.]
[Camera swivels quickly to show Jon and Ygritte in a raft behind us. Jon joins in, howling loudly from the front of the raft as Ygritte grins widely behind him. Camera pans again to Sandor as he yells out.]
Sandor, looking at Tormund - Wild Fucks!
[We hear Tormund laugh off-camera. Sandor huffs a laugh, looking back down at the water as he rows, picking up the pace. Sansa keeps up with him despite her face showing some fatigue. Sandor grunts with each stroke, shoveling the water behind him as he moves his arms strenuously to stay close behind Tormund and Brienne. Both rafts approach Arya and Tyene, Tormund howling first, followed by Sansa as we sail past them easily. We hear Arya yell “Cocksuckers!” angrily as the camera pans back to show her and Tyene straining with the effort of trying to keep up. Ygritte howls again as she and Jon pass Arya and Tyene, Arya yelling out a frustrated noise. Camera pans to our raft as Sandor looks over to Sansa, his eyebrows raised. She smiles widely back at him. One of our guides yells, gesturing ahead again. Everyone looks forward.]
[Camera cuts to show we’ve reached the rapids. We crash into the rough water, Sansa’s side of the raft lifting dangerously high. She yells out, crouching down against the side of the raft, one hand going to the rope strung along the top as she holds onto her oar with the other. Sandor looks at her, leaning over to her side and pushing it down with his body weight. It lands back in the water and Sansa looks over at him, her face startled as she nods gratefully. Our guide yells and Sandor and Sansa both sit up, putting their oars back in the water to help.]
[Camera frame jostles roughly as it pans back to Jon and Ygritte, their boat crashing into the rough water. The front lifts slightly as Jon bares his teeth, growling as he leans his body onto the front end of the raft. Ygritte yells out to him and he nods, giving her a thumbs-up as he sits back up and puts his oar in the water. Their guide shouts instructions to them and they both work to do as she says. We see Arya and Tyene farther back, still in smooth water as they row feverishly to catch up.]
[Camera pans up the river to Brienne and Tormund, Tormund howling as he gets sprayed in the face with a high wall of water. Their boat remains steady, Brienne yelling out instructions as she guides their raft forward. She gestures to Tormund and he nods, rowing as Brienne turns back forward. Their guide remains quiet, steering and working with them to keep them upright.]
[Camera cuts to a calm, tranquil river of water flowing through two high walls of rock. Davos’s eyes are bright as he lays back in a yellow doughnut-shaped float moving peacefully along with the easy current. He smiles brightly as he points up to a vividly colored toucan resting on a vine above the gorge they’re floating through. Melisandre smiles, turning to look up at the bird.]
Davos, amazed - Oh, I can’t wait to tell Marya I saw a Dornish Toucan in person, she’ll be thrilled. [He looks over at Melisandre.] We’re part of a bird-watching group back at home. [Melisandre nods, smiling over at him.]
[Davos gasps, leaning forward to point at two macaws together on a branch above them.]
[Melisandre leans back in her float, nodding to herself as she watches Davos enjoy looking at the birds.]
[Camera cuts back to Jon yelling loudly as another crush of water smacks against their raft. Their guide yells out instructions, Ygritte and Jon both doing as she says. Camera pans back to see Arya and Tyene’s raft. They’re in the rapids now, both gritting their teeth as they row, trying to navigate through the water. Their guide yells loudly as the front of their raft lifts up out of the water. We hear Tyene screaming in Old Rhoynish. When the raft comes back down, Arya’s spot is empty, her oar floating on top of the rough water. Tyene is screaming Arya’s name, her eyes scanning the water. We see Arya pop up from under the water, gasping quickly before she gets pulled under again.
[We hear Sansa scream Jon’s name as the camera pans over to Jon and Ygritte’s raft. They’re both leaning over either side, eyes scanning the water as their raft jerks wildly in the river. Ygritte yells and we see Arya bob up above the water without her helmet. Ygritte grabs Arya’s life vest but the water rips Arya from her grip, pulling Arya under again. Ygritte yells ahead, screaming Tormund’s name.]
[Camera pans over to Tormund and Brienne’s raft next to us, showing Tormund nodding to Ygritte. He throws his oar down inside his raft, turning to face the water as he and Brienne both watch the rough water below them.]
[Camera pans over the rapids, our frame shaking wildly as the camera scans the water. We hear Sandor yell as the camera swivels quickly over to him. He reaches into the water with one arm, roughly pulling Arya out of the water by her life vest and into our raft as another wall of water crashes into us. Sansa and one guide kneel down by Arya’s side - her temple and shin both covered in blood. We hear Arya cough up water as the other guide yells to Sandor, gesturing to the water. Sandor nods, picking his oar back up and helping him navigate them through the last of the rapids. Sandor looks over at Sansa, watching her yell at Arya, brushing her hair out of her face despite her words. Arya shoves Sansa’s hand away and Sandor smiles faintly, his face relieved as he looks back down at the water, following the guide’s instructions.
[Camera cuts to a flat grassy area on the side of the river. The rafts are all pulled up on the grass, guides loading them onto a trailer. We can see Arya’s guide roughly shove their raft into the trailer, speaking in rapid Old Rhoynish to another guide, his face distressed.]
[Subtitles for Angry Guide read - “I told that bald man those two girls didn’t weigh enough to keep the raft down, but he didn’t fucking listen.”]
[Arya is sitting in the grass, leaning back against Tyene. Jon is kneeling next to Arya, Sansa standing next to him, everyone else circled around them. Arya has a small bandage above her temple and a medic is holding gauze on top of her shin. Another medic is shining a flashlight into Arya's eye, a first aid kid laying open next to her on the ground. The medic nods, putting the flashlight back in the kit as she looks at Jon and Sansa.]
Medic - She doesn’t appear to have a concussion. [Jon and Sansa nod, both relieved.]
Arya, frustrated - I told you I was fine! We need to go, where is our next clue? [She sits up, looking around.]
Sansa, shocked - Arya! You just almost drowned in the river! How can you be focused on the Race right now?
Arya, scoffing - I didn’t almost drown. I was just..taking a faster route to get ahead of you. [She smiles innocently at Sansa, who rolls her eyes.]
Medic, shaking her head - We can’t let you go yet, you need to get that leg looked at.
[She nods to the other medic and he lifts up the gauze. Sansa winces, closing her eyes and turning into Sandor’s chest as the camera pans down to reveal a deep gash in Arya’s leg. Arya’s face is gray as she looks down at it, swallowing. Tyene brings her hands up to Arya’s shoulders, squeezing gently. The medic covers her leg again as the first medic stands. She looks down at Arya.]
Medic - I’ll call for an ambulance, it should be here soon to take you to the hospital.
[She nods to Arya before she walks away, exiting the frame.]
Arya, laughing weakly - Oh please, it’s not even that bad. Everyone is just being dramatic for the show.
[Sansa reels back from Sandor angrily, turning to Arya. Arya is staring at Sansa, her chin raised defiantly as she looks up, her face hard as she looks at Sansa pointedly. Sansa looks back at her and takes a breath, pausing for a moment before she clears her throat.]
Sansa, shakily - Yes well.. finally something to slow you down.
[Arya smiles, relieved. She looks around at everyone.]
Arya - You guys should all keep racing, no sense in waiting around with us.
Sansa, kneeling down beside Arya - Yeah, you guys go ahead. [Jon nods his agreement, not moving from Arya’s side.]
Arya, at Jon and Sansa - No. I mean everyone. You should keep racing.
Jon, shaking his head - No, Arya, we’re going with you to the hospital. [Sansa nods, agreeing.]
[Arya shakes her head, looking down at her leg absentmindedly.]
Arya - Someone from the family can win this, I know it. And Jon’s probably gonna get taken out by a horny goat or something. [Everyone laughs as Jon rolls his eyes, his face smiling. Arya looks over at Sansa.] So I guess you’re our only hope. You could win, Sansa.
[Sansa eyes water as she looks back at Arya, smiling softly. Jon looks at Arya, his eyes watching her face closely.]
Jon - This is what you want, Arya?
[Arya sniffs, wiping her nose roughly as she looks at Tyene.]
Arya - Yep. I got Tyene here to keep me company while I wait. [Tyene nods, squeezing her shoulders again.] and, I mean, the hospital will probably just slap a bandaid on it. [She looks up at Jon and Sansa.] I’ll be right behind you guys.
[Jon looks at her for a moment before he nods, smiling sadly. He bends down to hug her before standing and walking over to Ygritte. Sansa bends down, hugging Arya tightly. Sansa leans back, looking at Arya one more time. Arya claps Sansa on the arm before looking around at the group.]
Arya - Okay, you fuckers, get out of here. Petyr will have a tantrum if you leave him waiting.
[Everyone moves together, all nodding to her as they pass, leaving Arya and Tyene with the medic. Arya grabs Sandor’s shorts, stopping him before he leaves. He turns around, brows furrowed as he looks down at her. She clears her throat as she lets go of his shorts, looking up at him.]
Arya, genuinely - Thank you.
[Sandor nods to her before walking over to join Sansa and the group.]
[Camera cuts to the dirt parking lot, Davos and Melisandre waiting next to the shuttle. Davos cranes his neck, looking around.]
Davos, confused - Where do you think everyone is? I don't even see the driver.
[Melisandre breathes in deeply, smiling.]
Melisandre, calmly - What was meant to happen has passed.
[Davos nods, his face confused. He shrugs, looking down at the envelope in his hands.]
Davos, politely - Shall we?
[Melisandre nods, gesturing for him to open the envelope. He rips it open, pulling out the paper for both of them to see.]
Davos - Pit Stop.
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking in front of an ornate building in the middle of an orange grove.]
Petyr - Exporting rare fruits, such as oranges, keeps the Dornish economy thriving, but fertile land is hard to find here. Early Dornishmen built their citrus groves wherever they could, including near what was once the city center. One of the largest orange groves in High Hermitage is right next to this Temple for followers of R’hllor. It’s here, in the middle of this fruitful bounty, that teams must meet me at the legendary Westerosi Mat. The last team to arrive.. may be eliminated.
[Camera cuts to Davos and Melisandre, Melisandre’s face practically beaming. Davos is looking at her, happy for his friend.]
Davos, cheerfully - We get to visit your god, Melisandre!
[Melisandre nods, still smiling. There are tears in her eyes as she turns, gesturing to a path in the foliage.]
Melisandre, happily - The others are coming. We will go together.
[Camera cuts to an orange grove, a beautiful ornate building in the background. Petyr has his arms crossed across his chest, glaring at the teams. They’re all standing side by side in the grass next to the mat, minus Arya and Tyene.]
Petyr - You can’t do this. There has to be a hierarchy. It’s in the rules - First place, Second place, Third place, etc. That’s the way the show works!
[Sansa looks around at everyone.]
Sansa - Ready?
[Everyone nods, every contestant raising a foot and placing it on the mat at once. Petyr makes a frustrated noise, rolling his eyes.]
Petyr, annoyed, gesturing to everyone - So, that’s how it’s going to be for the rest of the show? This.. solidary stance?
Jon, shaking his head - No, just this once. For Arya and Tyene. [Ygritte looks at him, her face proud.]
Brienne, nodding - They were worthy competitors. It’s not fair, the way they went out. [Tormund looks at her, nodding in agreement.]
[Petyr looks over at Davos and Melisandre. Davos sniffs as he crosses his arms, widening his stance as he glares at Petyr. Melisandre raises her chin up defiantly, looking Petyr in the eyes as she smirks. Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as Sansa begins talking.]
Sansa, innocently - That's just the way it's going to be, Petyr. [She smiles at him smugly, Sandor crossing his arms behind her with his chin raised.]
[Petyr rolls his eyes again, throwing his hands in the air.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Sansa drops her smile. “I need a phone, I need to call our parents and let them know what happened.” Petyr shakes his head immediately. “No, no - absolutely not. The rules say no outside communication of any kind.” Jon, Sandor, Tormund, Ygritte and Brienne all step forward into Petyr’s personal space, their faces hard. “Um.. uh, ha, actually.” Petyr raises his hand up, pointing a finger to the sky as his shoulders raise up to his ears, cowering. “Actually, I thought about it, and uh, I think we should let you call your parents, right?” He nods to Sansa. “It’s the right thing to do.”]]
[Camera cuts to a hospital triage room. Tyene is sitting in a chair against the wall, leaning forward so her elbows are on her knees casually as she smiles at Arya. Arya is on a small hospital bed talking to Tyene animatedly, gesturing with her hands, miming a raft on water. Her leg is propped up on a couple pillows and her shin has a gauze wrapped around it securely. Arya and Tyene both groan when they see Petyr walk in. Tyene leans back in her chair, her face annoyed. Arya leans her head back on a pillow, staring at the ceiling, her face also annoyed. Petyr’s face is solemn as he approaches Arya’s bed.]
Petyr, falsely sympathetic - Arya, Tyene. I’m so sorry but all of the other teams have checked in. I’m afraid… you’ve been eliminated from the Race. [He hangs his head, shaking it slowly as he sighs.]
Arya, deadpan - Wow. Thanks for the update, Shit-stache.
[Petyr looks over at Tyene sadly.]
Petyr, falsely sympathetic - They must have her on some pretty strong drugs, huh? She doesn't even know what she's saying.
[Tyene looks at the camera, her eyes wide as she looks up at the empty IV stand. She looks back at the camera, shrugging.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr looks off-camera, his fake sad tone gone. “We got her to sign the waiver right? Before she went on the river?” We hear mumbling off-camera and Petyr wipes his eyebrows, blowing air out of his cheeks as he smiles wide. “Whew! That’s a relief, cause this would’ve been a total clusterfuck, amirite?” He shoots a finger gun at someone off-camera, laughing.]]
[Petyr turns to Arya, his face solemn.]
Petyr, falsely sympathetic - Again, girls, I’m truly sorry to tell you this terrible news.
[He bows to them with his palms together. Arya and Tyene both lift their hands, giving him an obscene hand gesture. Tyene stands, her face in a sneer as her hand goes behind her back. Petyr’s eyes go wide with fear as he runs from the room.]
Behind the Scenes Info for Episode Five!
1. Starfall Temple is really Castle of Xàtiva, in Valencia, Spain.
2. Sooo.. funny story about the Snake Pit - I found this picture on Google, thought it was a perfect little waist-high hole for them to put some snakes in. Well, I was doing my research for the Behind the Scenes (after the story is already wrapped and ready.) and I found another picture of the 'snake pit' except there are people standing in it.. yeah, guys, it's like 12 feet deep. It's HUGE. So, in my version of Westeros, this is a 4-foot little pit but in the real world, it's a huge hole that resides in Seville, Spain. Whoops!
3. High Hermitage city buildings are actually in Valencia, Spain.
4. To my knowledge, TAR has never made contestants walk into a pit of snakes. There was one season where contestants had to wear a snake, and one season where they had to eat a snake (sad face) but no pit of snakes.
5. The waterfall at the beginning of the Torentine river is really in someone's backyard, according to Pinterest.
6. All the Torentine river photos (Smooth and Rough) are of the Pacuare River in Costa Rica. Rafting has been featured in a couple seasons, but the ones I've seen have been like, all tame and boring. (Booooo!)
7. Davos mentions Marya, who is of course Marya Seaworth, his wife. And mother of 7 sons, which basically makes her a saint for adopting Gendry and making it EIGHT BOYS!
8. The Temple for R'hllor is really the Giralda, the bell tower of Seville Cathedral in Seville, Spain.
9. R’hllor, of course, is the Lord of Light! Yay, Melisandre!
And that's Episode Five! Are we surprised Arya and Tyene are out? Who do you think will win now??
See you soon for Episode Six (Not gonna lie, it's my favorite.)
PSA for other authors on this site - DON'T use the chapter draft feature. I was pre-uploading chapters so I could just wake up and publish but it sets the 'upload' date as whatever day you created the draft, NOT the day you hit 'Publish' so.. don't do that! Lesson learned!
Chapter 6: Episode Six - 'Now that's just unsanitary'
Listen you guys, I make no excuses for this chapter.. It is completely ridiculous and over the top and I probably should have cut a few scenes cause it’s so long but I CAN’T OKAY?!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Sandor walked into the kitchen of their rented home, freshly showered and dressed to start a new day of filming. It was early morning so he was surprised to find Davos already up and making coffee.
Davos turned, smiling at Sandor. He lifted an empty coffee cup up, raising an eyebrow in question. Sandor nodded and Davos filled it up, handing it over to him as Sandor nodded appreciatively. He took a sip, wincing at the temperature.
“I heard what you did yesterday. Saving Arya.” Davos looked up at Sandor, his face proud.
Sandor shrugged. “If I didn’t get her, Tormund or Brienne would’ve. I just spotted her first.” He took another sip of coffee, wincing again. He shook his head and put the cup down on the island.
Davos pursed his lips, looking down at the counter as he set his own cup down. “You know, correct me if I’m wrong but I once heard you say you’d ‘slaughter the rest of us fuckers’ to win this competition.” He looked up at Sandor, a knowing smile on his face. Sandor shifted his weight, looking down at his own cup, his face uncomfortable. When Sandor didn’t say anything, Davos continued. “I’m saying I was seated in front of you on that first flight.”
Sandor rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I managed to piece that together.”
Davos shrugged, his eyes wide. “Well, I wasn’t sure, you didn’t say anything and I thought ‘maybe he doesn’t realize the point I’m trying to make’.”
Sandor relaxed his shoulders, his face amused. “Yeah, I got it, Davos.”
Davos nodded, satisfied.
Sandor picked up his cup, taking a sip of coffee. He winced at the temperature, setting it back down.
After a moment, Davos spoke again. “How’s Arya doing?”
Sandor sighed, widening his stance as he leaned against the island. “Sansa and Jon visited her last night after filming wrapped. Sansa said Arya is thrilled - she got 22 stitches.”
Davos winced, giving a low whistle of surprise.
Sandor nodded. “Jon said Arya was excited about having a ‘fucking badass scar’ so.. I think she’ll survive.” Sandor shook his head, amused.
Davos chuckled, picking up his coffee cup again. “She’s a tough young woman. I’m glad to hear that she’ll be ok. With a new and improved scar, it sounds like.” He smiled as he took a sip from his cup, wincing when it was too hot.
They both stood in the kitchen together, neither saying anything but not minding the silence.
Davos looked down at the counter, gesturing to 3 huge bowls overflowing with fruit - one with oranges, one with lemons and the last with limes.
“It’s a bit much isn’t it?” Davos looked up at Sandor, his face bewildered.
Sandor raised his eyebrows, widening his eyes as he shook his head. “Waaay too fucking much.”
Davos laughed as he picked up his coffee, taking a sip and wincing at the temperature.
- - -
Petyr voiceover - Previously on The Westerosi Race…
[Start with a clip of Arya sitting on the ground with gauze on her leg leaning back against Tyene followed by a clip of all the teams standing together on the Pit Stop mat, their faces determined.]
The Race lost two of it’s toughest competitor’s last episode, causing an uproar amongst the remaining teams.
[Cut to a clip of Sansa rowing steadily alongside Sandor, followed by Jon growling as he forces the front of his raft back down onto the water.]
Will Sansa be seized with grief for her sister, causing her to blow the competition? Will Jon be able to recover from his sister and original partner in this Race being eliminated?
[Cut to a clip of Brienne retrieving the clue from the snake pit as Tormund watches warily from outside the amphitheater.]
Is Brienne tired of carrying Tormund through the Race, causing their budding friendship to collapse from the resentment?
[Cut to a clip of Davos sighing and nodding as he follows Melisandre down the path towards the slower Detour task.]
Will Davos continue to trust in Melisandre, possibly leading to them being one of the final three teams in next week’s finale episode?
[Camera cuts to Petyr, a bright red handprint on the left side of his face as he walks along the top of a mountain.]
Petyr, wincing - All of this and more on this week’s episode of The Westerosi Race!
Petyr voiceover - For the first time in Westerosi Race history, all four remaining teams will be departing at the same time. For this leg of the race, each team will receive $3.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - All the contestants are standing on the mat, talking animatedly to each other as they wait for production to get ready. Sansa puts her hands out, talking above everyone else. “Wait, wait, wait. Let’s just go down the list. Ok so, if it’s somewhere with snow, Jon, Ygritte, Tormund and myself will have the advantage.” Everyone nods, Sansa smiling as Sandor mutters ‘it better not be fucking snow’. “And if it’s water, I would say our resident Island Woman here would have the advantage.” Brienne smiles, pleased as Sansa tilts her head, considering. “I would also have to count Davos in that group.” Davos nods humbly, smiling at Sansa. “Sandor has an advantage if we go somewhere in the West.” Everyone nods in agreement. She continues “But he also has an advantage with his height, or anything involving lifting stuff, I mean, have you seen his shoulders? He’s also really good at-” Jon clears his throat, cutting her off. Sansa stops talking, laughing awkwardly as she looks up at Sandor, her cheeks red. He smirks, raising an eyebrow at her. She smiles, looking back at the group. “So, um.. that covers Sandor. That leaves us with…” She stops talking as everyone looks at Melisandre. Melisandre smiles pleasantly at Sansa, waiting. Davos speaks up. “Uh.. well. She’s good at languages. I’ve seen her speak in the native tongue of every country we’ve been to.” He turns to Melisandre. “Are there any languages you don’t know?” She looks at him serenely. “Who’s to say what’s truly communicated when we speak to each other, no matter the language?” Davos nods his head in agreement with her while the rest of the contestants look at each other warily. Sansa refocuses, clapping her hands together excitedly. “Alright so Melisandre will have.. the advantage she just said, right?” Melisandre nods at her, pleased.]]
[Camera shows everyone standing on the mat, Sandor, Ygritte, Brienne and Davos all holding the envelopes for their respective teams. They all rip them open at once, pulling the papers out and showing their partners. No one says anything for a moment.]
Ygritte - Andalos Mountains? Where is that?
Brienne - Is it in Westeros or Essos?
Sandor - No, it’s definitely in Essos. Fuck, I’m trying to remember…
Tormund, sadly - It’s going to be hot?
Sansa, cheerfully - No, mountains shouldn’t be hot.
Jon, matter-of-fact - We literally just spent all last leg on a hot mountain. [Sansa sticks her tongue out at him.]
Sandor, snapping his fingers - Oh, fuck. I remember. It’s a mountain range in Essos, just south of … [He trails off, looking over at Melisandre. Her eyes are shining as she smiles, pleased.]
Davos, hopefully - Braavos? Your home?
[Melisandre nods her head as the rest of the teams groan loudly.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking on a mountaintop, a bright red handprint on his face.]
Petyr, in pain - Teams must now navigate themselves to this mountain range just south of Braavos, The Andalos Mountains. Once home to the powerful kingdom of the Andals before they migrated to Westeros, this beautiful landscape is now home to the Cymmeri People, an isolated society that used to roam the continent of Essos for centuries before choosing to reside in these mountains, having little contact with the outside world. They have welcomed us here, so very warmly, although with a rather interesting caveat never before seen on the Race - there will be absolutely no running, out of respect for their god.
- - -
Sansa picked her crossword book up out of her way, sighing happily as she sat back down in the aisle seat. “Are you sure you don’t need to go? I’m not gonna move for you once I get all comfortable so now’s your chance.” She smiled teasingly at him.
Sandor scoffed as he looked over at her, raising the armrest back up so she could lean against him, adjusting a bit so her elbow stopped digging into his ribs. “You think I fit in an airplane bathroom?”
Sansa turned towards him, leaning in and bringing her mouth up to his. He responded immediately, leaning towards her and humming as he returned her kiss. He could feel her smile against his lips before she pulled back, her voice low. “Does that mean we won’t be joining the mile high club then?”
He smiled, eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh yeah? Been thinking about fucking in a plane?”
She shrugged, smirking at him. “I’ve never done it before and.. I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff we could do.” He pressed his lips to hers again, bringing his hand up behind her neck and pulling her closer, groaning lowly when she opened her mouth up to him.
“You guys know I can hear you, right?”
Sandor pulled back from Sansa, turning to Jon sitting next to him, Jon’s face grimacing as he looked at them.
Sandor smirked, raising an eyebrow and shrugging a shoulder. Sansa laughed, her cheeks red as she apologized quickly to Jon. She kissed Sandor again chastely before she settled back against his chest, opening her book up to the page they were working on as Sandor brushed his fingertips up and down her arm.
- - -
[Camera cuts to a view of a mountain village. Teams are walking up the stairs of an elaborate porch of the main building. The clue box is standing in front of a set of intricate wooden double doors. They all approach the box at the same time and Sandor gestures for Davos to go first.]
Sandor, sardonically - It’s not like we’re in a rush. [He rolls his eyes. Sansa looks at him, nudging him with her elbow.] What? I don’t believe in their god.
Sansa, through the side of her mouth - Yeah, but others around us do. [She widens her eyes, gesturing very obviously with her head to Melisandre.]
Sandor, flatly - Yeah, Sansa, even if she were fucking blind, she could still see you nodding at her.
[Sansa scowls at him, turning to face Melisandre, her face pink as she smiles apologetically. Melisandre smiles at Sansa, unoffended.]
Melisandre - The Cymmeri do not worship the Lord of Light. They do not speak their god’s name aloud at all.
[Sandor reaches into the clue box, the last one to get a clue. Tormund, Davos, Jon and Sandor all rip open their envelopes, removing the papers and holding them up for their respective partners to see.]
Sansa - Roadblock. “Which of you has an ear for tongues?” [She grimaces, looking up at Sandor as he shrugs, frowning. The group all exchange a look.]
Ygritte, looking off-camera - What the fuck kind of village is this?
[Melisandre looks to the camera.]
Melisandre, confidently - I’ll do it. [She opens the clue, reading the instructions quickly. She nods as she hands the papers to Davos. He takes it, nodding back to her as she turns and goes inside the set of doors. He looks down at the clue, eyes scanning it quickly.]
Sansa, curiously - Did anyone get any hints from her face?
Jon, skeptical - I don’t get any hints when she speaks, how am I supposed to read her face?
[Sansa glares at him playfully as Ygritte gestures to the clue.]
Ygritte - Anyone have any ideas, then? I mean, I’m into some weird shit but I don’t want some rando’s tongue in my ear. [Jon’s ears turn red as Tormund slaps him on the back, grinning widely. Jon avoids everyone’s eyes, looking down at the paper in his hands intently. Sandor laughs loudly as Sansa looks both amused and disgusted, not looking at Jon or Ygritte.]
Brienne, logically - Maybe it means tongues as in speech. Like a language.
[The group exchanges another look. Brienne looks over to Davos but he only smiles, his hands folded in front of him. He shrugs, not giving anything away.]
Sansa, resigned - Well, it’s the only guess we’ve got.
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor. She looks up at him as we see the other couples turning to talk to themselves in the background.]
Sansa, quietly - What do you think? I mean, I speak two languages so I think I’m the best shot.
Sandor, offended - Hey, I can speak two languages.
[Camera cuts to black and white footage, the words ‘Previously..’ in the bottom corner of the frame. We see Sandor speak terrible Dothraki to a cab driver in Meereen. Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. Sansa raises one of her shoulders up by her ear, wincing as she makes an unsure noise.]
Sansa, hesitantly - Ehhhh.. I mean, yes, technically you said words in another language, but..
[Sandor widens his eyes comically, handing her the clue envelope.]
Sandor, offended but amused - Wow, ok. Just go.
[He gestures for her bag. She smiles as she slips her arms from the straps, handing it over to him. He shakes his head at her as she lifts herself up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. She turns to the camera.]
Sansa, smiling - I’ll do it.
[Camera cuts to Petyr as he stands in a garden on a platform made of bamboo, a tall woman standing next to him. She is looking confidently at him, her dark hair falling down her back to her waist. Her chest is bare, showing the toned upper half of her body. She has deep purple cotton harem pants on with a vibrant blue shock of wool tied around her waist like a skirt with no front. She’s not wearing any jewelry, her only adornment being three dark red stripes of color applied with fingers that start at her bottom lip and drag down to a palm-sized circle on her sternum. ]
Petyr - The Cymmeri People have a unique culture amassed from different customs found all over Essos. Whether it’s their architecture, their religion, or their language. Teams will first enter the Village Home and meet with one of three Cymmeri leaders, known as a Voda. [He gestures to the woman, looking at her naked chest distractedly for a moment before looking back to the camera. He clears his throat.] She will tell the team members a Cymmeri proverb in their native language. The team member will then come to this garden and meet another Voda here [he gestures to the building behind him.] repeating the proverb to them. If team members say the words incorrectly, they must come back to the first Voda and hear it again. Once they’ve spoken the phrase correctly they will receive their next clue.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr nods to the Voda, a lewd smile on his face as he walks away from her. He exits the frame but we can hear him talking loudly to someone while we watch the Voda stand patiently, her hands clasped behind her back casually. “Gods, can you believe the people here? Practically savages walking around without any clothes on. Although I will say this one does have some nice fun bags.” We see the Voda tilt her head, eyes narrowed as she looks over to where Petyr exited the screen. Petyr’s voice becomes alarmed. “Can she understand Common? I thought they didn’t talk to the real world?” More mumbling. Petyr’s voice becomes a hissed whisper. “Varys, you absolute fucktart! You put me next to a half-naked savage woman and didn’t even tell me it was her duty to the village to know Common?!” We hear laughing off-camera.]]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa as she hands the paper over to Sandor.]
Sansa, sighing - Brienne was right, it’s language.
Sandor, annoyed - The red witch will be done soon then.
Sansa, thoughtfully - The clue said Cymmeri is pretty isolated, maybe she won’t know it?
[Sandor looks at her skeptically.]
Sansa, defensively - Hey, I’m just trying to think positively!
[Camera cuts to the double doors as Melisandre exits, a yellow envelope in her hand. Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa as he looks at Sansa pointedly, raising an eyebrow. Sansa laughs, rolling her eyes.]
Sansa, cheerfully - Okay, whatever! I was wrong. [She looks back over towards the doors.]
[Camera zooms out to show Ygritte pulling the door handle and walking inside.]
Sansa, rushed - Oh shoot, I need to go. [She raises up on her toes, kissing him quickly before walking towards the doors, Sandor smiling as he walks over to the bench to wait.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she enters a room, the Voda sitting in the middle of the floor, her legs crossed as she looks up at Sansa. Sansa slides the door shut, smiling nervously. The Voda smiles kindly, bowing her head at Sansa, Sansa bowing back quickly. The Voda gestures to the space in front of her and Sansa steps quickly, sitting down crossed legged in front of her, her posture straight as she puts her hands in her lap, looking at the Voda expectantly. The Voda opens her mouth to speak, her voice low and steady in her native tongue.]
Voda [phonetic transcription] - Ale lanat hash vo tat tikh lan ato
[Camera cuts back to Sansa as she widens her eyes, her mouth dropping open fractionally. The Voda is looking at her curiously, her head tilted to the side.]
Sansa, stunned - You speak Dothraki here?
[Camera cuts to a hallway as Sansa exits the room, nodding to Brienne as they trade places, Brienne entering the room. We can see Brienne’s cheeks darken when she sees the Voda, her eyes dropping to the floor respectfully as she slides the thin paper door shut behind her. Sansa walks down the hallway, exiting out to the garden as she whispers words under her breath, repeating.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa walking up the stairs of an outdoor covered platform, passing Ygritte on the stairs. Ygritte frowns and shakes her head, walking back towards the first Voda’s room. Sansa turns to the second Voda, bowing respectfully. His dark hair is in a loose braid draped over his shoulder, coming down over his bare sculpted chest. He has three dark red lines starting at his hairline, leading down over his eyelids and nose, ending at a palm-sized circle on his sternum. He is wearing olive green harem pants and the wool around his waist is faded tan. He bows to her and she returns it. He smiles as he gestures to the area in front of him. Sansa sits, smiling politely as she twists her hands in her lap. He looks at her expectantly.]
Sansa, nervously - Umm… ok. [She looks up to the ceiling, her face focused.] Ale lanat hash bo um.. hat..uh...[She winces, looking down at the Voda.] I’m sorry, I can’t remember the rest.
[The Voda smiles at her.]
Voda, kindly - You may try again, do not worry.
[Sansa nods at him, smiling politely as she stands and walks back to the first Voda.]
[Camera cuts to a montage of Sansa, Brienne and Ygritte, all attempting to repeat the phrase correctly. There are subtitles as well as a counter on the bottom of the frame for every attempt made by each contestant.]
[Brienne sits down, posture straight as she stares at the Voda, eyes intense as she speaks.]
[Subtitles for Brienne read - “Some poot grapes fence over alone.”
[The Voda purses his lips, hiding a smile as he shakes his head no.]
[Ygritte sits down, stretching her legs out in front of her a bit before loudly firing out some words.]
[Subtitles for Ygritte read - “No swam moss at fire Monday.”
[The Voda furrows his brows, eyes wide as he shakes his head no.]
[Sansa sits down, smiling. She nods to herself, taking a deep breath before speaking.]
[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Some beavers are not meant to be travel alone.”
[The Voda smiles encouragingly.]
Sansa, hopeful - Did I do it?
Voda, shaking his head - No, but you are close.
[Sansa smiles as she stands up, walking quickly towards the stairs.]
[Brienne sits down, her posture straight as she furrows her brows intensely, her eyes closed as she speaks.]
[Subtitles for Brienne read - “Some run ham frost be traveled alone.”
[Brienne opens her eyes, her face wary.]
Voda, supportive - You are improving, but no, that is not it.
[Brienne sighs, nodding as she stands up.]
[Ygritte sits down roughly, her legs extended out in front of her fully as she smiles widely at the Voda.]
Ygritte - I got it this time, are you ready?
[The Voda smiles, gesturing for her to go ahead. Ygritte speaks loudly, making the Voda wince subtly.]
[Subtitles for Ygritte read - “Tongs bark chip sky grandmother hat.”
[Ygritte smiles at the Voda, raising her eyebrows and crossing her ankles as she leans back on her hands.]
Ygritte, confidently - Pretty good, right?
[The Voda sighs.]
[Sansa sits down, smiling cheerily at the Voda. He nods his head, gesturing for her to begin.]
[Subtitles for Sansa read - “Some journeys are not meant to be traveled alone.”
[Voda smiles widely, nodding at her.]
Sansa, hopeful - I did it?
[Voda nods again, pulling a yellow envelope out from behind his back. Sansa beams at him, taking the clue and thanking him as she stands, turning to speed-walk down the stairs of the platform.]
[Camera cuts to the entrance where we see Tormund, Jon and Sandor sitting on a bench, watching the villagers pass as they wait. We hear a door open and all three abruptly lean forward, looking over towards the noise. Jon and Tormund look disappointed as they lean back against the wall as Sandor smirks, standing up. Camera zooms out to show Sansa beaming at Sandor as she walks into the frame holding the yellow clue up near her face. Sansa confidently speaks the phrase in Dothraki for him and he puts his hands on his hips, shaking his head as he looks at her, his face incredulous. She laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck, leaning her body fully against his and lifting her feet, crossing her ankles behind her as she tilts her head all the way back so she can see him.
Sandor, disbelieving- Really? It was in my fucking language this whole time?!
[He scoffs as he puts his hands on her waist, his hands large enough that his thumbs almost touch on her stomach. She laughs at him, putting her feet down and nudging his chin with her head, gesturing for him to tilt his head down. He does, kissing her even though his face is still indignant. Sansa hums happily, dropping her arms and pulling away from him. She smiles as he shakes his head again, both of them turning to the bench. She waves at Jon and Tormund as she and Sandor bend down to pick up their bags from the floor.]
Sansa, reluctantly - Okay, yes, you probably would’ve gotten it faster but it only took me three tries so I feel like we’re still in good shape. Oh, pickles, [She snaps her fingers as she stands.] I forgot to even ask him what it meant. [She puts her bag on her back, pulling her hair out from underneath the straps.]
[Sandor puts his bag on, shrugging as he clears his throat.]
Sandor, casually - Something about a grandmother and her hat, mostly.
Sansa, disappointed - Huh, so not even anything really good, like some wise life advice or anything we could relate to?
[Sandor thinks again, taking a second before he shakes his head no, shrugging a shoulder.]
Sansa, frowns - Hmm. Seems like kind of a missed opportunity. [She sighs, raising their yellow envelope up with her eyebrows raised. Sandor nods and she opens it, pulling out the paper so he can see.]
Sansa - Detour, ‘In Their Buckets’ or ‘In Your Cups’
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Camera cuts to a shot of two elephants embracing each other with their trunks at the base of the mountains - it’s very heartwarming. Camera zooms out to show Petyr grimacing as he looks at them over his shoulder, his arms crossed against his chest. He turns back to face the camera, his face frowning severely, disgusted as he looks into the lens. He looks off-camera, dropping his arms to his side as he whines. “Why do you always make me film in front of the detour with animals?” We hear mumbling from off-camera. Petyr scoffs, crossing his arms again. “Like I give a shit about what the audience wants to see, you fusty cow.” He looks in another direction off-camera, putting his hand out. “Give me that, I want to see where the other one is.” He yanks a script on camera, flipping through it until he pauses on a page, his eyes scanning quickly. He barks a humorless laugh, holding the script up. “I am NOT filming here in front of these vicious beasts, Varys, when I could be nice and safe up in the Village House!” Camera zooms in on the elephants. One is patting the other on the head nicely with its trunk. We hear Petyr’s shrill voice. “I am NOT joking, turn the camera OFF you fuc-” Camera cuts to black.]]
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking along a walkway on the exterior of the Village House, smiling joyfully.]
Petyr - The Cymmeri people are a self-sufficient population, not needing interaction with the outside world to maintain their livelihood. However, one thing they do offer up proudly in the local trading stalls is their tea.
[Camera cuts to footage of tea leaves sitting out to dry.]
Petyr voiceover - The Cymmeri people have perfected the art of tea, making a wide variety of flavors all grown here on the Andalos Mountains. For ‘In Your Cups’, Team members will be tasked with searching for a matching pair in a sea of cups.
[Camera cuts to Petyr standing in an open room with hundreds of cups in neat rows on the floor behind him. He raises his hand, showing us the bottom of a cup with a symbol carved into it.]
Petyr - Each team has a symbol designating their tea’s distinct flavor. [He drops his hand down, gesturing behind him.] The team members will have to search through these cups in an effort to find two out of ten hidden with their specific symbol on the bottom. The catch is they must drink the entirety of any cup they touch. Once a team member finds a correct cup, they are not allowed to keep drinking in an effort to help their partner. After each team member brings the Voda a cup with their team's symbol on it, they will be given their next clue. There’s nothing physically demanding about this task but searching for your cup of tea in a group this immense could take some time. However, teams with a bit of luck… could stay one steep ahead.
[Camera cuts back to the two elephants, playing happily at the base of a mountain. There is an older elephant in the foreground now, laying in a patch of dirt and throwing it back on itself.]
Petyr voiceover - Elephants are held in high esteem in the Cymmeri culture, not only because of their size and strength, but also because while slow to anger, once provoked, elephants will use powerful force to defend themselves and their family, possibly becoming terribly violent. [[Director’s cut Outtakes - “I fucking told you, Varys, gods. Trying to have me killed??”]] For ‘In Their Buckets’, teams must help the Cymmeri people care for the local elephant population by filling their water troughs.
[Camera cuts to a bamboo bridge over a rushing river.]
Petyr voiceover - Teams will be provided with a rope they can use to lower their buckets down to the river, collecting as much as they can and lifting them back up. They will then walk them over to the elephant water troughs in this field, making as many trips as necessary to fill one up.
[Camera cuts back to the elephants. In the foreground, we see a huge wooden water trough about the size of a standard bathtub.]
Petyr voiceover - Once teams have filled up one entire trough, they will get their next clue. While this task is straightforward, it takes 50 gallons to fill an elephant trough, which means teams will need lots of brute strength to get the job done. Teams without the muscle power .. may find themselves not up to the tusk.
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor as Sansa tilts her head back and forth, considering the options.]
Sansa - I know you obviously like the trough one. [She looks up at him and he smirks. She raises her eyebrows, looking back down at the paper.] Yeah, big surprise there.
Sandor, teasing - Well, have you seen my shoulders? [Sansa shakes her head, trying not to laugh.]
Sansa, thoughtfully - The elephant one is way over there. [She points off-camera] but the tea one is right around the corner. I think we should at least check it out, I mean, how hard could finding some tea be? We could just get it right away and be done. [Sandor shrugs, nodding. They both walk quickly together towards the end of the porch, the cameraman staying still, the frame zooming in as Sansa and Sandor turn the corner, exiting the frame.]
- - -
The camera man sighed as he shut the camera off, taking it off his shoulder and setting it down on the porch near the steps. He rolled his shoulders a few times as he called out to the head production assistant. “Hey, Mormont! I’m going on break. Can you tell Samwell to cover SanSan for a while? They just left for that tea shit.” He groaned as he sat down on the top step, pulling a bag of trail mix from his camera bag and opening it up.
Lyanna turned to him but didn’t look up from her clipboard. “Drogo, you do realize you work for me, not the other way around, right?” Drogo poked his bottom lip out with his head tilted, batting his eyelashes dramatically, begging.
Lyanna looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. “No. Do it yourself.” Drogo’s shoulders fell as she gestured with her chin to the radio on his hip. “I learned my lesson about doing you favors, you both still owe me for covering you on the Summer Islands. You guys were in that temple for way longer than you promised!”
Drogo laughed as he pulled the radio off his belt, calling for his replacement. Dany sat down next to Drogo, laying the boom mic down on the floor next to her before shoving her hand into the trail mix bag. “Oh please, you barely even knew we were gone!” She pulled her hand from the bag, looking down at her palm to pick through the contents.
Lyanna looked at her sardonically. “It was 7 hours, Dany.”
Dany laughed. “Oh, that’s right - that was a good day.” She looked over at Drogo, raising her eyebrows suggestively as she threw a cashew into her mouth. Drogo nodded, agreeing as he stole a piece of dried fruit from Dany’s hand, biting into it as he eyed her. Lyanna scoffed, rolling her eyes and flicking them off, making Dany and Drogo laugh. Lyanna turned around, her back facing them as she looked back at her clipboard.
Dany sighed, leaning into Drogo as they both ate. “Gods, how painful was watching that Dothraki? I could barely contain myself.”
Drogo groaned, shaking his head. “Sometimes it’s so fucking hard to keep my mouth shut.” He shrugged a shoulder as he dug his hand back in the bag, pulling out a huge handful. “Sansa got it though, pretty fucking quickly, too.” He tilted his head back as he dumped the entire handful of trail mix into this mouth.
Dany hummed as she reached back into the bag. “I know we aren’t supposed to have favorites but..I kinda hope they win.” She looked down at her hand, throwing a peanut back in the bag with a grimace.
Drogo shrugged, leaning over to pick a piece of chocolate out of her hand. She slapped his hand away and he growled playfully. He spoke around the food in his mouth. “They’re not gonna win shit if they don’t just fuck already. They need some tension release.” Dany laughed, nodding. She threw another peanut in the bag, scowling when she looked down the stairs.
“Ugh, here comes the bearded clam.” Dany gestured with her chin and Drogo looked over, sneering as Petyr walked towards them, stopping when Lyanna flagged him down.
“Ok, Petyr, we’ve finished all your Detour and Roadblock filming, I think it would be a good time to shoot the intro for this episode.” Lyanna looked down at her clipboard, flipping a paper up as she scanned the sheet underneath.
Petyr sighed, bringing his hand up to look at his nails. “Fine. But after that I’m having Pycelle come back to fix my manicure, he did a shit job yesterday. My cuticles are practically withering away from dehydration.”
Lyanna looked up at him, glaring before quickly putting a big fake smile on her face. “That sounds great Petyr, I’ll be sure to make that my number one priority.” Petyr widened his eyes as he continued to look at his nails, unimpressed. Lyanna looked over at an assistant next to her. “Jojen, can you let the B-shot team know? I want to be on top of the mountain well before sundown.” Jojen nodded, walking towards the stairs. Dany slid the boom mic out of his way and he nodded gratefully to her. She smiled at him as he passed.
Petyr looked up at Lyanna, his face disbelieving. “Um, I’m sorry what? The top of what mountain?”
Lyanna took a deep breath before she pointed up to the highest peak.
Petyr scrunched up his face. “Ummm..does it have an elevator? Or some pre-historic lift system?” Lyanna took a deep breath, shaking her head no,. “Yeah, then no. I’m not walking up there.” He waved his hand, dismissing the idea. “Just use a green screen, I keep telling Varys it would save me so much trouble if we got one of those.”
“If you would like, I can help make the journey pass by quickly for you.”
Everyone turned to look behind Petyr where the Voda with the blue wool was standing. She smiled pleasantly at everyone.
Petyr smiled, turning his body towards her. He looked down at her chest, biting his bottom lip and staring until Lyanna cleared her throat loudly. He looked back up at the Voda’s face quickly. “Nice. I mean uhh.. no, what are you doing out here? I thought you were still filming the tongue thing?”
The Voda smiled, nodding at him. “I am, I just took a moment to see if I could offer some help. Would you like it?”
Petyr looked at her lewdly as he leaned in closer to her. “Would I like.. what?”
She tilted her head, still smiling. “My help. In making the trip up to the peak more enjoyable.”
“Oh, I’m sure I would love anything you do to make my peak more enjoyable.” Petyr grinned, looking down at her chest.
The Voda’s smile fell, her face sneering with anger instead. She bared her teeth, her eyes turning dark as she stared down at Petyr. “Good. I’m glad my savage fun bags can distract you.”
Petyr looked up at her, confused. “Wha-”
She moved so quickly that Drogo didn’t see it, but everyone heard the resounding crack in the air her palm made against his cheek. Petyr crumpled to the ground immediately, passing out like a marionette with its strings cut.
No one moved. Lyanna stared at Petyr with her mouth gaping open, too shocked to respond.
The Voda looked over at Lyanna. “There. Now you will not have to listen to his whining as you make your journey to get what you need.”
Lyanna looked up at the Voda, her expression dazed but grateful. “Thank you.”
The Voda nodded, a genuine smile on her face as she walked away, headed back towards the Roadblock.
“Holy fucking shit , please tell me you got that.” Dany turned to Drogo, her face elated.
Drogo’s smile gleamed as he nodded, keeping his phone up and pointed directly at Petyr’s limp form on the ground. “Every fucking second.”
- - -
[Camera cuts to the Tea Room as we enter the room, Sansa and Sandor already inside, their eyes wide as they take in the space. Davos is kneeling next to hundreds of tea cups in neat rows. He has his hand on his chin, eyes focused intently on the cups in front of him. Melisandre is standing off to the side, Davos’s bag at her feet as she watches him patiently. A third Voda is standing in the corner confidently with his legs in a shoulder-wide stance. He’s wearing black harem pants, the wool around his waist a vibrant yellow. His hair is cut close to his scalp and he has two dark red lines starting at the bottom of each eye leading down his neck to a palm-sized circle on his sternum. His muscular arms are crossed behind his back, each hand holding the opposite arm’s wrist. He nods his head respectfully to Sandor and Sansa and they both nod in return.]
Sansa, quietly - Look, they’ve already found one.
[She gestures over to the Voda, a small table next to him with an empty cup on it. Davos sighs, rubbing his hand over his eyes. He has five empty cups on the floor next to him.]
Davos, disheartened - Naturally, she got hers on the first try. Now I’m the one holding us back. [He looks down at the rows of cups, his face melancholy.]
Melisandre, shaking her head - No, we are where we’re meant to be. [She looks away towards the lake, her face peaceful.] The rage approaches.
[Sansa and Sandor exchange a look. Sandor widens his eyes, shrugging a shoulder as Sansa mirrors the movement.]
Davos, distracted - She’s saying it’s going to rain. A-ha! [He picks a cup up, raising it high so he can see the bottom. He makes a frustrated noise, muttering under his breath before he swallows the tea in one go. He sets the cup next to him and turns back to look at the rows.] Aren’t they supposed to be distinct flavors? How are they all the same color?
[Camera cuts to the Voda as he shifts his weight, letting his arms fall to his sides as he smirks.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as they both lean to the side, looking up at the sky. Camera cuts to an exterior view and we see it’s blue with white, fluffy clouds. Camera cuts back to Sandor and Sansa as they look at each other.]
Sandor, shrugging - It looks fine to me, I say we switch to the water one.
Sansa, nodding - Yeah, I agree. [She looks over at Melisandre and Davos. Davos is leaning down on his hands, smelling a cup full of tea.] Um.. we’re actually going to go switch to the other one.
[Melisandre smiles, raising an eyebrow as she nods. Davos nods distractedly as Sansa and Sandor exit the room. Davos sits up, his face frustrated as he puts his hands on his hips. He sighs, looking up at the Voda.]
Davos, politely - Please tell me you have a restroom nearby.
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor walking quickly down an exterior walkway towards the front of the Village House.]
Sansa, to Sandor - I don’t know how the other women were doing with the language, maybe we’ll have a bit of a lead now.
[Camera cuts to Brienne as she takes a yellow envelope from the second Voda, bowing respectfully. He smiles happily at her, bowing in return. Brienne stands, turning to walk down the stairs of the platform as Ygritte walks up, the Voda smiling genuinely as he covers his ears with his hands. Camera cuts to a different view as Brienne crosses the stone path back to the Village House, dark clouds beginning to form in the sky behind her.]
[Camera cuts to a grassy field as Sandor and Sansa drop their bags on the ground. There are four troughs in front of a large open barn where villagers are congregated, watching Sandor and Sansa curiously. Sansa smiles at them as Sandor nods, greeting them in Dothraki. The villager’s faces are confused as they look at each other.]
[Subtitles for Sandor read - “Boat.”]
[Sansa smiles up at him proudly as Sandor nods again to the villagers, turning to walk with Sansa down a slight hill to the bamboo bridge about 200 feet away. There is a large grouping of wooden buckets next to the bridge entrance. Sansa frowns, picking one up.]
Sansa, disappointed - No handles? Crap. [She holds up the bucket. It’s almost two feet in diameter, sanded down and shaped from a single piece of wood.]
[Sandor bends down, picking one up and turning it over in his hands as he stands back up.]
Sandor, disapproving - This is what they use? This is a fucking bowl. Do handles offend their god, too?
[Sansa tries not to smile as she shakes her head, smacking him lightly in the stomach. He sighs, gesturing for her to go first onto the bridge. Sandor ducks under the beam of wood at the entrance, following her. She looks back at him as she walks out over the river.]
Sansa, resigned - Well, there goes my plan. I was just going to find a big stick for you and hang a bunch of buckets on it. If we loaded you up right, we’d be done in one trip.
Sandor, amused - Oh I see, so I’m just your pack mule.
Sansa, laughing - Well, you are a bit of an ass.
[Sandor raises his eyebrows in surprise.]
Sandor, scoffing - Did my maiden ears just hear the Princess actually fucking curse?
Sansa, innocently - I would never. I merely described an animal. [She flicks her hair over her shoulder with a snooty expression on her face, turning to him as they stop in the middle of the bridge.] And you’re hardly a maiden - you are profane [She pokes him in the chest.] and very tainted. [She raises her chin up to him challengingly.] I won’t let you sully the likes of me.
[Sandor’s eyes darken as he steps closer to her, invading her space as his lips twitch in amusement. She tilts her chin up more, maintaining eye contact as her hand gets pressed between them. He hums lowly, his eyes watching her face. His voice is deep when he talks.]
Sandor, slowly - Hmm. Now that’s a fucking shame to hear.
[He raises his hand, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, dragging his fingers across her neck, over her collarbone as he looks down at her lips.]
Sandor, disappointed - It could’ve been fun. Sullying you.
[Sandor sighs dramatically, shrugging a shoulder as he moves away from her. Sansa’s snooty facade cracks as her hand on his chest grabs his shirt, bunching it in her fingers as she raises herself up on her toes, pulling him back.]
Sansa, quietly - No, don’t.
[Sandor smirks, bringing his hand up to the back of her neck and pulling her mouth to his. Camera cuts to a wide view and we see Brienne and Tormund standing on the bridge, each holding a bucket in their hands. Tormund is grinning widely, his eyebrows raised and his face interested as he watches Sandor and Sansa kiss heatedly. Brienne’s face is unamused as she clears her throat. Sansa jumps slightly, startled. Sandor furrows his brows as he and Sansa both look over at Brienne and Tormund.]
Tormund, disappointed - Aw, why’d you interrupt them? They might’ve fucked on the bridge!
Brienne, unbothered - They’re more than welcome to continue if they just move out from in front of the rope. [She gestures to a rope coiled up at Sandor’s feet.]
[Sandor sighs as he leans down, kissing Sansa’s lips again before he steps back, both of their faces disappointed as Sandor bends down to grab the rope, uncoiling it as he stands again. There is a crudely woven net on one end, big enough for the bucket to fit in, a thick braid of rope meant to hook under the top lip. Sandor puts his in, checking that it’s secure before lowering the rope down into the water below. Brienne’s face is skeptical.]
Brienne, disbelieving - This is their process to get water for elephants? [She turns the bucket over in her hands, eyeing it.] It doesn’t seem very efficient.
[Sandor grunts, agreeing as he pulls the rope back up, the water sloshing slightly as he leans down to grab the bucket when it gets high enough. Sansa hands him her empty bucket and he takes it, putting the full one in her arms with one hand. Sansa leans back slightly to compensate for the weight, shifting her arms to move the bucket in a more comfortable spot across her forearms. She gestures over to the troughs with her chin.]
Sansa - I’m gonna start walking this back. [Sandor nods as Sansa steps around him, nodding gratefully to Brienne and Tormund when they move to the side out of her way. Camera follows Sansa as she makes her way back to the trough. She stops walking, squinting up at the clouds as big raindrops begin to fall.]
Sandor, angrily, off-camera - Fucking red witch!
[Camera cuts to Melisandre as she looks out over the lake, smirking as rain pours down from the sky. Davos is behind her, kneeling on the floor beside the tea cup rows. His stack of empty cups on the side has doubled. Camera cuts to a wide shot and we see Jon leaning forward, looking into the cups carefully. He has one empty cup next to him. Ygritte is on the other side of the cup grid, picking up one at random and downing the contents quickly. She checks the bottom and shrugs, putting it down and picking up another one. She has eight empty cups next to her. The Voda is sitting now, his legs crossed as he watches them from his spot beside the small table, his face amused.]
[Camera cuts to Davos as he looks over at Jon curiously.]
Davos - I would’ve thought you’d be out carrying the water.
[Ygritte laughs off-camera as Jon sits up, his face uncomfortable. Camera cuts to a wide group shot and we see Ygritte grinning widely at Jon, her eyebrows raised expectantly. Jon sighs, waiting a moment before he reluctantly speaks.]
Jon, nonchalantly - I just don’t want to go out to the elephants.
Ygritte, amused - I already told you you’d probably be safe, Jon.
Jon, to Ygritte, defensive - But you don’t know that! Not for sure! [He looks over at Davos.] They’re too big to risk it.
[Davos tries to hide a smile as he nods his head at Jon, agreeing.]
Melisandre, to Jon - You made the correct choice, Jon. There’s a fire inside of you that will draw many beings to your essence.
[The Voda hides a smile, looking down at his lap with his lips pursed as Jon looks over to Ygritte, his face worried.]
[Camera cuts back to the grassy field as Sandor dumps the water from his bucket inside his and Sansa’s trough.There’s a plastic film over our frame but we can still see that it’s pouring rain, everyone’s clothes completely soaked through as they all move around. Sansa is setting out buckets around their trough, smiling as she sees them already collecting a lot of water. Brienne and Tormund are quickly setting out their own buckets around their trough in the background. Sansa stands, nodding satisfactorily at her work. Sandor nods to her, his face proud as they both turn to walk back to the bridge, Sandor carrying his bucket back with him in one hand. Their voices are raised when they speak so they can hear each other over the rain.]
Sansa - The rain isn’t all bad, I mean, we could be done soon if it keeps up. [Sandor nods, agreeing.]
Sandor, - If I had your help stacking them in my arms, I think I could carry a few back at once, too. We could be done in one more trip.
[Sansa eyes the ground as they walk, her face unsure. Camera pans down to show them stepping on wet sodden grass with mud beginning to form in some places. Sandor scoffs when he sees her face, offended.]
Sandor, imitating Sansa - ‘I think I know how to walk down a hill.’ [He laughs when Sansa rolls her eyes, pointing a finger up at him.]
Sansa - Ok, first of all, it’s rude to imitate people.
Sandor, laughing - You imitate me all the time, and you do a shit job, too. I sound nothing like that.
Sansa, continuing - SECOND of all, you would be walking up a muddy hill carrying buckets of water in the pouring rain. Totally different.
[Camera changes angle as they arrive at the bridge. Sandor holds up the bucket already in his hand.]
Sandor - This is a fucking bowl, not a bucket. And I carried three cheese wheels, and those were way fucking heavier. [He hands the bucket out to her and she takes it, rolling her eyes. He bends down, stacking three on top of each other and bringing them over to the bridge, ducking under the entrance beam as Sansa follows him.]
[Camera zooms out to show Brienne and Tormund approaching the bridge, each with a bucket in their hands. They both duck under the entrance beam, Brienne furrowing her brows as she gestures to Sandor and Sansa’s small stack of buckets.]
Brienne, loudly over the rain - This hardly seems fair.
[Sandor looks over his shoulder as he quickly lowers the first bucket down to the river.]
Sandor, challengingly - Is it in the rules that we can’t? [He smirks as Brienne purses her lips, thinking. Sandor pulls up the first bucket, reaching over the railing and unhooking it from the rope. He leans over, setting the full bucket down on the bridge. Sansa squats, holding onto it and handing Sandor an empty one from their stack. He takes it, nodding at her gratefully as he stands, attaching it to the rope and lowering it down to the river quickly. Brienne frowns, gesturing to Sandor.]
Brienne, matter-of-fact - You’re hogging the rope.
[Sandor scoffs as he pulls the second bucket back up. He gestures with his chin back to the stack of buckets by the bridge entrance as he begins the process to switch out the bucket again, loading up another bucket as Sansa squats next to him, holding onto the two full ones.]
Sandor - We left more bowls over there for you, you can do it too.
[Brienne holds the bucket in her hand up, her face confused.]
Brienne - I thought the Cymmeri people called this a bucket?
[Sansa laughs loudly as Sandor shakes his head, lowering the third bucket into the water. Brienne makes a frustrated noise, turning around.]
Brienne, annoyed - Tormund, I thi- Tormund?
[Camera pans around, showing an empty space next to Brienne, rain pouring down and hitting the bridge. She walks to the edge of the bridge, looking around, her face worried. She cups her hands around her mouth, yelling loudly.]
Brienne, alarmed - Tormund?!
[We hear a piercing whistle off-camera. Camera pans down, showing a 10-foot sharp drop down to the river. Tormund is looking up at Brienne, carrying two buckets full of water towards the edge of the drop, two more down by the river.]
Tormund - Brienne! Here, take these!
[Brienne ducks under the beam, coming around to the edge of the drop and quickly kneeling, reaching towards Tormund as he lifts one bucket up high above his head. Brienne grabs the lip of the bucket, sitting up and putting it on the ground next to her before she reaches down for the other one. Her face is beaming at Tormund as he grins, turning to get the other two buckets.]
[Camera cuts to a wide angle. We see Sandor on the bridge, lowering down his fourth bucket as he yells down to Tormund.]
Sandor - You cheating cunt!
[Tormund giggles, yelling back up at Sandor.]
Tormund, imitating Sandor - Is it in the rules that we can’t?!
[Sandor shakes his head incredulously as he flips Tormund off. Tormund laughs loudly, bending down to pick up the two buckets by the river.]
[Camera cuts back to Sandor as he quickly pulls up the fourth bucket.]
Sandor, amused but rushed - Fuck, we need to move. I don’t want that Northern cunt to win.
[Sansa frowns, looking up at Sandor from her spot down by the full bowls. She has to yell loudly for him to hear over the rain.]
Sansa, offended - Hey! I’m Northern, you dick!
[Sandor barks a laugh as he unhooks the fourth bucket, holding it in his hands as he gestures for her to lift the others into his arms. Sansa frowns but stands up with a bucket, stacking it roughly in his arms.]
Sandor, amused - Ok, ‘dick’ definitely counts as a curse, Princess, an-
[Sansa interrupts as she bends down for the third bucket.]
Sansa, primly - It’s anatomy, not a curse!
Sandor, continuing - and you aren’t a Northern cunt. But you do have one. [He waggles his eyebrows, grinning widely as Sansa looks up at him, her face shocked. She scoffs as she stands, shoving the last bucket into his arms hard enough he has to step back to keep his balance. He laughs hard, his eyes gleaming.]
Sandor, teasing - It’s just anatomy, Sansa!
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund, four full buckets next to Brienne as she reaches down to Tormund with an open hand. He grabs it and she pulls him back up as he uses his feet and other hand to climb up onto the grass where she is. He lands next to her roughly, kneeling on his hands and knees as he laughs, Brienne sitting in the grass next to him, panting. He sits back on his legs, looking over at Brienne, speaking loudly as the rain continues to pour.]
Tormund, pleased - That’s wha- Brienne? What’s wrong? [He crawls closer to her, pushing her hair back from her forehead. She’s looking at him with furrowed brows, her face angry.]
Brienne - I thought you were dead! That you had fallen off the bridge or, or - I don’t know! But you weren’t there when I turned around!
Tormund, laughing - Brienne, I’m not going to die from falling down a little ledge.
[Brienne shakes her head, closing her eyes and wiping the water from her face. She opens her eyes, looking at Tormund.]
Brienne, annoyed - No, Tormund, You weren’t there. And I didn’t like it.
[Tormund widens his eyes, an eyebrow raises in question. Brienne swallows, nodding and Tormund leans forward immediately, grabbing the front of her shirt and pulling her towards him roughly. Brienne tilts her head right as he crashes his lips to hers, bringing her hands up on top of his shoulders, pulling him towards her. Tormund pushes his body on top of hers and she lays down on the soaked ground, dragging him down on top of her. She wraps one of her legs around his, breaking their kiss to roll him over, laying on top of him, both of them now laying in mud. Tormund howls, loudly, happily, making Brienne jolt with shock. She grins widely as he howls again, her cheeks turning pink.]
[Camera changes angles to show Sandor and Sansa walking by them carrying their buckets. Sansa stops, her face shocked as she looks down at them. Tormund looks over at her from under Brienne, his hands on her waist and their legs tangled in the mud.]
Tormund, ecstatic - SHE LOVES ME BACK!
[Brienne laughs, shaking her head as she looks down at him fondly. He leans up towards her, grinning as she lowers her mouth to his.]
[Camera cuts to Ygritte in the tea room as she sets another empty cup down in her sizable stack. We hear a faint howl in the distance and she looks out over the lake, her face confused.]
Ygritte, puzzled - Did you guys hear that?
[We hear another howl as Davos furrows his brows, shaking his head no, placing another cup in his growing pile. Jon nods, looking out over the lake curiously with a cup in his hands, more empty ones at his side. Melisandre smiles, turning to look at Ygritte.]
Melisandre - The rage has watered seeds planted from the beginning.
[Jon and Ygritte look at each other, both shrugging. Davos picks up another cup, holding it in his hand as he looks over at Melisandre.]
Davos, happily - Oh, Brienne finally came around? [Melisandre nods, smiling as she bends down to pick up Davos’s bag and walks towards him.] That is fantastic news! How good for them! [He smiles to himself as he lifts the cup up high above his head, looking at the bottom.] Hey, I found it!
[Camera cuts back to Sandor carrying three buckets stacked in his arms, his eyes narrowing and his face annoyed as he stops in the grassy field, the rain around him slowing to a light drizzle. We see Sansa coming up behind him carrying one bucket in her hands, smiling widely as she walks quickly up to his side.]
Sansa, cheerily - I can’t even believe it, I didn’t see that comi- [She stops walking, looking off-camera with wide eyes, her mouth open.]
[Sandor sighs as Camera changes angles, showing all four troughs filled with water, the light rain making ripples on the surface. The buckets on the ground are all filled to the brim, slowly overflowing onto the grass and mud. Camera cuts to Sandor as he sets his buckets down on the ground roughly, putting his hands on his hips. We hear a snort from off-camera.]
[Camera zooms out to show Sansa laughing, covering her mouth with both hands, her bucket on the ground, tipped over, the water flowing out into mud. Sansa laughs loudly even as she tries to stifle the noise with her hands. Sandor is facing her, his hands still on his hips as his nostrils flare, his jaw clenched tight in annoyance.]
Sandor, aggravated - We just did all that bullshit for no fucking reason!
[Sansa snorts again and her eyes close, squeezing tightly as she continues laughing. Sandor looks away from her, shaking his head, his face angry. He stops, noticing the elephants rolling around in the mud happily. He raises his eyebrows, his jaw still clenched as he bends down, grabbing a handful of mud and standing up again.]
[The camera man backs away, our frame showing us under the wooden barn now. Camera zooms in on them both as Sansa looks at Sandor, her face still amused as she holds a hand out, palm facing Sandor.]
Sansa, amused - You wouldn't.
[Sandor smirks, throwing the muddy ball up in the air a couple of inches as he looks at Sansa. Her amusement fades as she backs away, her face concerned as she holds out both hands.]
Sansa, horrified - Sandor, no. No, wait, there could be poop in there.
[Sandor raises his eyebrows, taking a step towards her.]
Sandor, predatorily - Oh, I’m sure there is. [He throws the mud ball up in the air again as he looks at Sansa, his eyes gleaming. They stare at each other for a moment before Sansa shrieks, running away from Sandor.]
Sandor, loudly - You can’t offend the gods, Sansa! No running!
[Sansa makes an aggravated noise as she slows to a walk, turning to face Sandor as he grins, throwing the mud at her. It lands on the side of her neck, dripping down into her shirt as she shrieks. She looks up at him, her eyes wide and jaw dropped.]
Sansa, appalled - I can’t believe you just did that! Sandor, it’s in my BRA! [She reaches up, pulling her shirt away from her body while making a disgusted face. Sandor laughs again, bending down to grab another handful of mud as Sansa yells out, her face alarmed as she bends down to get her own mud ball. She stands up, mud dripping from a huge mountain of muck in her hand as she eyes Sandor challengingly. Sandor has mud in his hand as he takes another step towards her. She shrieks, flinging the muck towards Sandor, hitting him square in the temple, goop dripping down his face. He brings a hand up, wiping the mud from his eyes, spitting it out onto the ground. He looks up at her, his face incredulous. Sansa looks shocked.]
Sandor, calmly - Oh, you are so dead.
[Sansa shrieks again as Sandor takes two quick steps towards her, grabbing her arm as she feebly tries to walk away from him. She laughs wildly as Sandor pulls her down on top of him to the ground, rolling so she’s underneath him, laying fully in a huge puddle of mud. He takes a handful of it, rubbing it across her collarbones as she takes two handfuls, smushing them onto both sides of his head, rubbing it into his hair, cackling wildly.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund as they walk up to the troughs, their fingers interlaced as the rain finally stops. They’re streaked with mud, bits of grass clinging to them and both of their hair in severe disarray. Brienne has a muddy handprint on one breast. Brienne looks over to Sansa and Sandor as they stand in a puddle, circling each other with handfuls of mud, both completely covered head to toe in brown sludge. Sansa screams with laughter as she tackles Sandor, Sandor yelling as he falls back with a muddy splash.]
Brienne, disapproving - Now that’s just unsanitary.
[Camera cuts to Davos and Melisandre as they walk up a staircase curving up a mountain. Melisandre is in front, walking easily up the stairs, stopping every few steps as Davos stops to catch his breath.]
Davos, apologetically - This altitude, I’m sorry, it’s making it so hard for me to breathe. [He bends over, his hands on his knees as he takes deep breaths.]
Melisandre, unworried - We have plenty of time. Our competitors clash in the mire.
[Davos stands, nodding for her to continue. He follows behind her, grimacing.]
Davos, disgusted - I hope they realize there’s probably high amounts of elephant poop in there.
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor as they stand in the barn in front of the villagers, their clothes and hair saturated and dripping with mud. Sansa nods primly to the villager holding out their clue envelope, taking it with a nod as a clump of goop falls from her arm down to the wooden floor, plopping with a small splash that hits the villager’s feet. Sansa looks down at the mess, her mouth open, face horrified.]
Sansa, appalled - I am so sorry. [She looks up at the villagers.] Thank you so much for having us. We um.. I hope we helped with the elephants.
[Sandor scoffs, laughing as she nods gratefully to the villagers, pushing Sandor over to their backpacks, walking away quickly as she whispers to him furiously. He laughs louder as they exit the frame.]
[Our frame lowers as the camera man sets the camera down on the ground, facing the villagers. We see them looking down at the mess left behind on the floor as the camera man removes the plastic film clouding the lens. We hear plastic crinkling as a woman smacks a young man on the back of the head, her face irritated as she yells at him in rapid Dothraki. He protests, his face unhappy as he grabs a mop. She yells at him again, pointing towards the back of the barn.]
[Subtitles for Angry Woman read - “Now you’ll be the one to clean all this up!”]
[Subtitles for Whiny Man read - “It’s not my fault it rained!”]
[Subtitles for Angry Woman read - “No, but it was your stupid idea of a joke to switch the buckets with the serving bowls. And after you’re done cleaning, you’re going to tell the Voda you used her favorite set!”
[The man groans, his posture slouching as we hear the camera man laugh, picking up the camera again, our frame jostling as he settles it back in position. The frame pans over to the back of the barn, zooming in on a stack of wooden buckets with rope handles.]
[Camera frame swivels quickly as we walk outside the barn over to Sansa and Sandor. Sandor is shirtless, unbuttoning his shorts. They fall to the ground with a thunk, caked in half-dry mud. He steps out of them, throwing them on top of his muddy shirt with his foot. Sansa peels her muddy shirt up over her head, already having taken off her shorts. She shucks it to the ground on top of his clothes as they both kneel down to their bags in their underwear, barefoot.]
Sandor, laughing - I’m just saying, they didn’t understand a fucking word you said. [He pulls out a new pair of shorts, putting them on and buttoning them quickly. Sansa pulls out her own shirt and shorts, dropping her shirt on top of her bag to put her shorts on first.]
Sansa, defensively - Well I had to say something! We left behind a total mess! And now we’re probably in last place all due to your completely childish actions. [She looks up at him pointedly, eyes wide with her eyebrows raised and mouth pursed.]
[Sandor squats down, digging some fresh socks out of his bag, sitting on the grass with them in his hand. He looks up at her, smiling as he puts them on.]
Sandor, teasing - You’re kind of cute when you’re all bossy and covered in mud. [He eyes her up and down, raising his eyebrows appreciatively as his gaze lingers on her mud covered chest in just a sports bra.]
[She rolls her eyes, bending down to grab her shirt and pull it over her head.]
Sansa - Gods, will you focus? Did you hear what I said? We could be in last! [She bends down, picking up the envelope from the ground and waving it in the air.]
[Sandor hums, face amused as he mutters ‘so feisty’ as he puts his boots on, tying them quickly. Sansa glares at him and he laughs, gesturing for her to open the envelope as he looks down, tucking the laces down into his boots. She makes a frustrated noise, tearing the envelope open and pulling the papers out, reading aloud.]
Sansa, annoyed - Pit Stop.
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking along a large flat ledge, green rocky mountains with clouds floating by behind him. He has a bright red handprint on his face.]
Petyr, wincing - The view from the Andalos Mountains is incomparable to any other mountain range found in Essos, with rocky cliffs, green trees and low clouds in every direction. The highest plateau can be found here, on Mount Pico, [He gestures around him] Teams will need to navigate themselves to meet me on the legendary Pit Stop Mat. The last team to arrive.. may be eliminated.
[Camera cuts to the Tea Room. The Voda is sitting on the floor, his legs out in front of him, ankles crossed as he leans back against a wall. His face is patient as he watches Jon and Ygritte, three cups on the table next to him. Jon is kneeling in the middle of an empty spot in the tea cups, Ygritte sitting next to him. Jon picks up another cup, holding it out to Ygritte. She leans down, looking at the bottom.]
Ygritte - No.
[Jon sighs, raising the cup up and downing the tea in one gulp. He rolls the cup over to the side, the cup making a small ‘clink’ as it hits a giant pile of cups. Jon reaches out, picking another one up and holding it out to Ygritte. She leans down, tilting her head. Her eyes widen as she grabs his wrist, looking more intently at the bottom of the cup.]
Ygritte, excited - Jon!
[Jon breaks out in a smile as he looks over at Ygritte, her face beaming at him.]
[Camera cuts to a view of the mountain peak as Melisandre and Davos climb up the last steps, smiling as they take in the view.]
[We see Petyr waiting on the mat, the wind blowing his hair slightly as he winces, reaching up to touch his cheek gently. Melisandre and Davos walk over to him, Davos panting heavily.]
Petyr, reassuring - Davos, Melisandre, I can see you’re both incredibly worried about me. [He cradles his cheek in his hand.] I just want to let you know that I’ll be perfectly fine. I was.. viciously attacked for no reason at all. [Davos looks over at Melisandre, raising an eyebrow in question and she shakes her head at him. Davos nods as Petyr clears his throat, narrowing his eyes at them before putting a plastic smile on his face.] With that unpleasantness out of the way, I am pleased to tell you you are the first team to arrive, and therefore one of the final three teams competing in the finale!
[Melisandre turns to Davos, her face happy as she puts her hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. He reaches up, squeezing her forearm briefly before they drop their arms, both looking quite pleased.]
Davos, shocked - I just can’t believe we’ve made it this far. [He turns to look at Melisandre again and she nods at him, smiling.]
Petyr, shrugging - I can’t really either.
Davos, amused - I thought we were goners the first week!
Petyr, agreeing - I know! I actually bet a lot of money that you guys would be eliminated first.
Davos, amused - And I never would’ve thought I could keep up with all these young people!
Petyr, baffled - Frankly, every second you don’t keel over from a heart attack is just shocking to me.
Davos, frowning - Wait, what?
Petyr, eyes wide, face innocent - Hmm?
[Frame cuts to a slightly hidden view. Camera is perched on a ledge, pointing at a bridge connecting two rock walls on the mountain. Brienne stops walking on the bridge, leaning over the side as she breathes in deeply. Tormund stops next to her, both of their bags on his back as he gazes adoringly at her.]
Tormund, affectionately - My island woman and her sea-level lungs.
[Brienne laughs humorlessly.]
Brienne, panting heavily - My sea-level lungs are killing us right now.
Tormund - I could carry you. I’ll take your body on top of mine however I can get it. [He wiggles his eyebrows at her.]
[Brienne laughs, shaking her head.]
Brienne - No one’s carried me since I was twelve. I’ll be fine, I just needed to stop a second.]
[Brienne stands, breathing in deeply as she gestures for them to continue.]
[Sansa and Sandor enter the frame, both walking at a fast pace, Sansa behind Sandor, panting slightly. She smiles apologetically at Brienne and Tormund as she and Sandor pass them, Sandor reaching over to grab the handle on Sansa’s bag. She slips her arms through her straps as they both enter the tunnel, Sandor wearing Sansa’s bag on his front when they emerge from the other side, walking faster now. Brienne looks over at Tormund, her face stressed as they both start walking, entering the tunnel. They emerge from the other side, holding hands tightly as they exit the frame. After a few moments, we see Jon and Ygritte walking quickly across the bridge side by side.]
Jon, sighing - At the next bush we need to make a stop.
Ygritte, amused - Again?
[Jon looks over at her, narrowing his eyes playfully. Ygritte laughs as they disappear into the tunnel.]
[Frame cuts into thirds as we see all the teams making their way up the mountain. Sansa is panting as she walks up a set of stairs, Sandor still carrying both bags as he follows her. Tormund is carrying Brienne easily over his shoulder, her face unamused as he turns around a bend, their bags left behind on the ground behind them. Jon is walking back to the path, zipping up his shorts as he joins Ygritte, both continuing to walk up the mountain.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr waiting on the Pit Stop mat. Sansa and Sandor enter the frame, Sansa smiling widely as they step on the mat. They’re in clean clothes but sweaty now, mud streaked across their faces and clumped in their hair. Petyr gags immediately, leaving the frame.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Camera frame cuts to slightly later in the day. Sansa and Sandor are sitting beside the mat, leaning against a tree with their bags at their feet. Jon and Ygritte are laying on their sides on the ground, stacking stones in a tower. Jon smiles as Ygritte makes the stack fall trying to place a stone on top. Brienne and Tormund are standing, Brienne’s arms crossed, facing away from Camera. They both look over as Lyanna walks into the frame, sliding her headphones down from her ears as she addresses the group. “Ok, guys, sorry for the hold-up. Petyr claims to be ‘violently ill and unable to perform his contractual obligations’” She rolls her eyes. “but I just got word that someone else is on the way now to check you in.” Brienne furrows her brows, turning fully towards Lyanna. “Is someone allowed to do that? I thought it had to be the host.” Lyanna grins at Brienne. “Oh, I assure you, she’s earned the honor.”]]
[Camera cuts to the top of the mountain as the sun begins to go down behind the Voda with the blue wool, her hands clasped in front of her as she stands on the Pit Stop Mat. The teams are all standing in front of her and she smiles easily at the group, nodding to Sandor and Sansa as she speaks.]
Voda - You are recorded as the second pair. [Sansa looks up at Sandor, dried mud cracking around her eyes as she beams up at him. Sandor smirks back, amused as he looks over her muck-covered hair and face. The Voda turns to Brienne and Tormund, nodding respectfully as she addresses them.]
Voda - You are recorded as the third pair. [Tormund looks over at Brienne, grinning widely as she smiles back at him.] I am to tell you that you have lost use of your items for the duration of the journey, since you did not arrive at this mat with them. [Brienne grimaces as she looks down at her muddy clothes, nodding reluctantly at the Voda. Tormund shrugs, unbothered.]
[The Voda turns to Jon and Ygritte, frowning.]
Voda, remorseful - I have sorrow when I tell you that you are no longer a part of this journey. [Jon and Ygritte nod to her, both of their faces disappointed. Jon sighs, shaking his head.]
Jon, disappointed - I just hate that I let her down, we should’ve just done the elephant one. I .. this is my fault. [He looks over at Ygritte.] I’m so sorry that I’ve wasted this opportunity for you.
[Ygrite smiles at Jon, her eyes soft as she looks at him. She turns to him, raising her hand and rubbing her thumb across his cheekbone.]
Ygritte - You know nothing, Jon Snow.
[The Voda’s frown disappears as she looks at Jon and Ygritte, her mouth forming a small smile as she looks off-camera.]
Voda - You did not mention the premise of this competition was that the pairs were in love. That is enjoyable.
Sansa, laughing - No, [She gestures to everyone.] we were actually paired up as strangers, love has nothing to do with it.
[The Voda tilts her head, her face thoughtful as she considers Sansa. She looks over at Sandor as she hums curiously.]
Voda, vaguely - So you say. [She steps back, gesturing behind her.] I am also to tell you that this is where you will be sleeping for the night.
[Camera pans behind the Voda, showing a copse of trees towards the back of the plateau. The Voda leads the group over behind the trees, Camera changing angles to show us eight tents with wooden frames all circled around a lit fire pit. Melisandre nods to them as Davos smiles and waves, both of them sitting on the ground next to the fire.]
[The flaps of the tents are pulled back, showing a thick pallet of blankets and furs that spans the entire floor space.]
Voda, continuing - As our guests, we choose to honor you with the highest view of our country.
[She bows respectfully at the contestants, everyone returning it gratefully. The Voda turns to Jon and Ygritte.]
Voda - Though you are no longer competing, you are also invited to stay the night as our guests.
[Jon and Ygritte thank her graciously, moving over to the tents with the rest of the group. Sansa walks up to the Voda, her face guilty as Sandor stands behind her.]
Sansa, stressed - You’ve done such a kind thing, hosting us, and I left a complete mess back at the barn. I’m so sorry, I’ll.. I’ll wake up early in the morning and clean it immediately.
[The Voda reaches out, putting a hand on Sansa’s shoulder.]
Voda, reassuring - The mess has been cleared by a very deserving villager, do not worry about it any longer. [Her face amused as her eyes look over the mud caked on Sansa and Sandor.] I will also tell you there is a mountain river just down this path. [She gestures past the trees.] It is quite shallow and cold b-
Sansa, excited, relieved - Oh, please excuse me! [Sansa exits the frame immediately as Sandor laughs, leaning down to grab their bags as he follows her.]
- - -
Sansa and Sandor walked back up the path to their sleeping area for the night, both of them shining a flashlight to illuminate the ground in front of their bare feet. “I didn’t think I would ever love bathing in a shallow mountain stream in my underwear, much less with my brother and six practical strangers surrounding me but gods, that was heavenly.” She looked over at him, smiling, her skin and hair all scrubbed clean.
Sandor scoffed, dropping his bag down roughly in front of a tent, his wet hair hitting his shoulders, leaving water marks on his shirt.“Oh, so I’m just a stranger now?”
Sansa stood next to the tent beside his, holding her bag. “Hmm, no. I said practical strangers, we’re at least a step up from total strangers.” She smiled as she leaned down to look into her tent. “These look cozy.” She stood back up, looking over at Sandor as he quickly turned around, kneeling to mess with his bag.
He squinted, eyes intensely focused on his fingernail scratching at a patch of dried mud on the front pocket, his voice too casual. “Yeah, it looks like a good place to pass the fuck out until morning. Are you heading to bed?” She rolled her eyes, walking over to him.
She bent down, putting her mouth close to his ear. “That depends.”
He jerked slightly with surprise as he turned to face her, his brows furrowed. “Depends on what?”
She stood up straight, kicking her foot lightly against the wooden frame of his tent. “On if we can move this away from the group or not.”
He stood up, his hands on his hips as he narrowed his eyes warily at her. “Why would we need to do that?”
Sansa shrugged her shoulder. “Well, I just think we’ve traumatized Jon enough. He doesn’t need to hear us try out some of the things I’ve been thinking of doing with you.”
Sansa smiled as Sandor’s eyes widened, his hands dropping from his hips as he bent down, grabbing the pallet of furs and blankets and yanking them out of the tent. He stood up, gesturing to the other end of the tent. “Grab that end, I already scoped out a perfect spot.”
- - -
Sansa smiled as she sat in their tent in the new location, a smaller copse of trees on the other end of the plateau. Their flashlights were propped up in two corners, illuminating the space as Sandor threw their sleeping pallet materials into the tent one piece at a time, smacking her in the face as she tried to catch them.
“Sandor! Wh-mmmpf! Sandor, will you slow down?” She laughed, removing a blanket from her head.
He poked his head inside the tent flap. “ Fuck no.” He disappeared, throwing in a pelt of fur, making her laugh again.
“Why are you in such a hurry?” She looked down at the mess in their tent, trying to lay everything straight again into some semblance of a bed.
Sandor ducked down through the flap, his hands full of blankets as he stepped into the tent. “I feel like that’s pretty fucking obvious.” He kneeled down on the pile of fabric and furs, spreading out his armful messily. “Because you’re likely going to be naked soon.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “Have you never seen a naked girl before or something? It’s really not that exciting.” She lifted up a pelt of fur, putting it down towards the head of the pallet.
He shrugged a shoulder, eyes focused on his hands as he worked to straighten out the blankets. “Yeah, but I haven’t seen you naked before.” He leaned forward on his closed fists, looking over at her. “That makes me pretty fucking excited.”
She looked up at him, her smile growing as she considered what he said. She dropped a blanket from her hands and crawled over the pallet to him on her hands and knees. She sat up, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his mouth down to hers and he wrapped his hands around her back immediately, pulling her body flat against his.
“Mmfw-ait.” Her voice was muffled against his lips as she pushed her hands against his chest lightly. He pulled back, loosening his grip as he looked down at her, his brows furrowed.
“I just wanted to tell you.. I’m excited too.” She smiled up at him, running her hands across his shoulders as he smiled back slowly.
His eyes watched hers as he ran his hands down her back, over her ass to the back of her thighs. She yelped when he pulled her legs up, making her body fall back roughly on their bed. He smirked, leaning over her with one hand up by her head, the other resting on her leg, his thumb grazing her thigh.
He leaned down, his mouth stopping just short of kissing her so his lips moved against hers as he spoke. “I’ve been excited to taste you since you swam in that fucking lake.”
“Oh.” Sansa looked up at him, her lips parting in surprise, her eyes almost crossing as they tried to focus on his.
“Can I?” He lowered his head down, tugging her bottom lip gently with his teeth as he waited for her answer.
“Ye-yes.” Her breath stuttered as he hummed, moving his body down hers. Sansa closed her eyes, her heart racing as she felt him move her shirt up, bunching it under her chest, his fingertips running along the skin on her stomach. He dragged his fingers down, tucking them into the waistband of her shorts, pulling them off her legs but leaving her panties on.
She felt her cheeks blush as he spread her legs, propping them up on his shoulders as he knelt down, his hands wrapped around her thighs. She could feel his hot breath on her center and she shifted her hips, feeling herself getting wetter as she tried to push against his mouth, hearing him laugh lowly.
She raised her head, looking down to see his eyes looking straight up at hers as he leaned forward, his mouth opening against her in a lazy kiss. She dropped her head back down on the bed, muttering oh gods as he hummed, mouthing her through the fabric slowly.
She moaned, closing her eyes as she arched her back, her hips tilting into his mouth as he swiped her slit with his tongue. She squirmed, moving her hands to pull her panties down, needing more contact. He lifted his head up, smirking as he swatted her hands away.
He tucked two fingertips into the waistband of her panties above her thigh, looking up at her. “Do you like these?”
She shook her head emphatically. “No, I hate them. Get rid of them.”
He laughed as he dropped his shoulder, one of her legs falling to the bed as he brought his other hand up, ripping one side of her panties and dragging them down her other leg. She kicked them off, flinging them away as she reached down, pulling Sandor back down by his shirt and putting her leg back up on her shoulder.
“ Sandor .” She bucked her hips up towards his face.
“So bossy, Sansa.” He smirked, settling himself down on his stomach between her legs, his eyes falling to her naked lips. She whined, squirming impatiently. He put one hand against her hip, holding her still as he brought the other under her thigh to her center, dragging two fingers down her slit slowly, making her moan.
“ Oh, gods..” Her breath stuttered as she looked down at him. He was watching his own fingers circle her entrance, his eyes dark. The sight made a drugged buzz start building in her body and she bucked her hips into his hand.
“Sandor, your mouth. I want your mouth.”
He smiled, moving his hand and lowering his mouth to her, flattening his tongue against her slit in a broad stroke. He dipped into her entrance, lapping at her before dragging his tongue up and circling her clit. Her hum of approval quickly turned into a moan, her hands coming down to his hair, her fingers pulling it slightly as she bucked her hips steadily, fucking his face. He brought two fingers up, making a wide circle on her slit twice before dipping down into her, curling his fingers as his tongue flicked across her clit.
“Yes , yes , do that. Oh, fuck .” She squeezed her eyes tight, her back arching as she felt her body building, on the verge of losing control. He ate her, his tongue swiping against her clit as he pumped his fingers steadily, her legs beginning to shake as she moaned.
“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.” She brought a hand above her head, fisting the blankets as she tilted her head back, her hips losing their steady rhythm as they bucked into his mouth wildly. He twisted his fingers inside her, curling them, working her body with this tongue until she broke.
She gasped his name as she came, her body shuddering, arching as she moaned loudly, lost to the world as liquid fire flooded her senses. He continued to lap at her, his motions picking up speed to see her through her orgasm until her body collapsed back against the bed.
He licked her slowly, tasting her, until she reached down, pushing his head away, her hips shifting away from his mouth as she whimpered.
She looked down at him, her face flushed, eyes half-lidded as she smiled lazily at him. “Too sensitive.” She stretched her hand out to him. “Come here.”
He smiled, crawling up her body, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand as he laid down next to her, his head propped up on his elbow, looking down at her. She rolled onto her side, facing him as she curled an arm under her head and threw her leg over his hip, looking up at him happily.
“That’s it, you’re sullied.” He sighed dramatically as he brought his hand to her skin, running his fingers down the curve of her ass, his hand squeezing the back of her thigh before going up again.
She laughed, raising an eyebrow. “That’s it, huh? It was fantastic, for sure but.. I was kind of interested in a bit more.” She pulled his shirt up slightly, brushing her fingertips against the skin right above his waistband.
He laughed. “Oh, there will definitely be more, I’m talking about your bullshit prim and proper manners.” His eyes gleamed triumphantly. “You said ‘fuck’ right before you came.”
She gasped, pushing his shoulder, making him roll onto his back as he laughed. She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips as she leaned forward, her hands on his chest. “I beg your pardon, I did not! ”
Sandor scoffed, rolling his eyes as his hands ran up her thighs. “Oh, I won’t be forgetting the sounds you just made anytime soon. It was right before ‘don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.’” He smirked as she blushed, running his hands up to the hem of her shirt, snaking his fingertips under it to touch her lips again. “Fuck, you’re still soaked.”
She shuddered as his thumb found her clit, her eyes closing as she tried to concentrate. Her voice came out less forcefully than she wanted. “Well, even if I did, oh, gods, yes there, it still wo-wouldn’t count.” She hummed, her hips naturally tilting to welcome his touch as he increased the pressure on her clit. She could feel him hard beneath her, through his pants, and she rocked her hips once against him, making him groan. “Heat of passion and such.”
“Is there some, oh fuck.. bullshit manual you get these rules from?” Sandor started to lose focus, closing his eyes as she rocked against him again. She tilted her head as she looked down at him, smirking.
“Mm-hmm?” He looked up at her, his eyes widening as she lifted her shirt over her head, throwing it to the side. She peeled off her sports bra and flung it somewhere as his eyes dropped down to her naked breasts. She leaned forward, putting her hands on his chest, her eyes dark.
“Sully me again.”
He sat up fully in one motion, pulling her chest to his, their lips meeting hungrily. She opened her mouth to him immediately, swiping her tongue against his as she ground her hips down against him, making him groan.
She pulled frantically at his shirt, bunching it up across his chest until he leaned back slightly, pulling it up over his head and throwing it. He put his hand on the back of her neck, his other going to her lower back, fingers grazing her spine as he rolled them over, his body laying between her legs.
He kissed her, biting her lower lip, dragging his hand across her ribs as he pulled away, rolling over onto his back and lifting his hips so he could pull his shorts and underwear down, kicking them off his legs.
She eyed his erection hungrily as it stood proudly, the head seeping and swollen. She moaned, her lower stomach tightening, when he brought his hand around himself, pumping once. Her eyes flicked up to his - he was smirking, watching her reaction as he touched himself, pumping his hand slowly. She raised her eyebrow, smirking back as she sat up and moved to his side on her knees.
She watched him for a moment, considering her options before she swatted his hand away and threw her leg over his hips, straddling him with his erection between her lips, not inside her yet. He hissed through his teeth, his head tilted back and his hands holding onto her hips tightly as she rocked slowly against him.
“Your dick is beautiful -”
His voice was strained when he interrupted her weakly. “That’s another curse.”
“- and I need it inside me, if you’d be open to it.”
He laughed humorlessly as he looked up at her. “Yeah, I’m fucking open to it.” He squeezed her hips as she leaned down, kissing his chest, her hips continuing to grind against his erection. He gestured with his chin to the tent entrance. “I have uh..I have.. Fuck, I can’t fucking .. think .” She licked his nipple and he bucked into her, his erection slipping a fraction closer to her entrance, making him groan. “Condoms. In my bag. If we need it.”
She stopped kissing his chest, sitting up and smiling down at him curiously as she paused her hip movements. “You brought condoms on the Race?”
He hummed, the fog lifting from his face a little as he answered her. “No, Bronn. When he left he gave me what he had, said I might need them.” He raised an eyebrow at her, smirking. She moved her hips in a wide circle then, just to torture him.
He laughed, then groaned, his voice strained as he bucked up into her. “I’m not gonna be able to hold off for much fucking longer so you need to decide.”
She smiled widely, continuing her hip movements. “I’m on the pill.”
He sighed his relief. “Oh, thank fuck.”
She lifted herself up and he tilted his hips, his hand guiding himself into her when she lowered herself back down, both of them gasping with the sensation joining.
“Holy shit , you’re fucking tight.” He groaned, bringing his hands back to grip her ass, pulling her tightly against him, burying himself inside her fully.
“ Gods, Sandor.” She moaned as she leaned forward, her hands on his chest as she started moving, first lifting herself up and down, then moving her hips in a wide circle. He put his feet flat on the bed, matching her rhythm as he bucked into her.
She tilted her head all the way back, closing her eyes and moaning as she felt him move inside her, filling her completely. She felt his palm against her collarbone, his fingers reaching up to her throat, dragging downwards as she rode him. She gasped when he ran his fingertips over her nipple, circling one breast and moving over to the other side.
“Your tits are fucking fantastic.”
She laughed, looking down at him as he watched her breasts bounce slightly with their movements. She gasped again when he pinched her nipples slightly, arching her back and he smirked, sitting up and taking one in his mouth, sucking while he pinched her other nipple. She brought her hands to the back of his head, pulling him closer to her, moaning as her head tilted back again, hissing when he grazed her nipple with his teeth.
She rode him, bucking her hips as he continued to suck her, switching nipples to show the other one the same attention when she felt herself starting to build again. She moaned his name, pressing her hips down harder with each thrust, fucking him as he drug his hand down her back, groaning around her nipple when she picked up speed.
She could feel her body wanting to release, her orgasm right on the brink, her hips moving frantically, chasing it. She whimpered his name, frustrated.
He let her nipple go with a small pop, bringing his head up to kiss her. She kissed him back eagerly, hungrily, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, whimpering again against his lips.
He pulled his head back looking at her as she rode him. “What do you need, Sansa?” He ran his fingers down her back, squeezing her ass, rocking his hips into her.
She sighed, leaning her forehead against his, her hips slowing down against him. “I can’t.. It’s right there , it’s just not... I need.. to flip over.”
He nodded, kissing her, bucking his hips up into her one more time before he squeezed her ass, gesturing for her to move over to the side with his chin. She smiled, climbing off of him and moving beside him, kneeling on her knees, bringing herself down on her elbows, her face turned towards him as she laid her head down on the blankets.
Sandor choked, his eyes going wide as he stared at her, blinking as his gaze moved quickly from her nipples brushing the blankets below her to her ass in the air.
Sansa sat up on her knees, her cheeks pink. “Is this ok?”
Sandor cleared his throat, getting up quickly onto his knees and moving to her side. He kissed her, his hands coming up to cup her face, his fingers reaching back into her hair as he swiped his tongue against her lips. She opened for him, moaning as he sucked her bottom lip in between his, moving his lips against hers eagerly. He hummed as he pulled away from her.
“ Fuck yeah. I just thought you meant-” He gestured with his hand, making a horizontal line through the air.
“Oh, we can do that if you’d like.” She smiled up at him but he laughed, shaking his head no, kissing her once more before moving behind her, his knees nudging her legs so he could settle between them. He put his fingertips on her shoulder blade, pushing her down gently until she was back on her elbows, her ass in the air as she hummed happily.
She felt him move closer to her, his legs hitting the back of her thighs as his hand guided his head up and down her slit. She moaned, leaning back towards him, tilting her hips up.
He hummed, gripping her hips as he pushed into her, sinking himself fully within her, making her moan as she turned her face down towards the bed.
“What do you want, Sansa? Smooth and slow or fast and rough?” He rocked his hips slowly, pushing himself in and out of her, running one hand up her spine as she arched into his touch.
She turned her head to the side, looking at him over her shoulder. “I thought I already told you my answer.”
He raised an eyebrow, smirking as he moved his hand back to her hips, gripping her tightly as he pulled her back, bucking into her hard once, hitting deeply inside her.
“ Yessss.. ” She leaned back down, her forehead resting on her forearms as he hummed, pulling her back as his hips snapped forward against her, fucking her roughly, groaning loudly with each thrust. She could feel her body heating up, igniting again as she pushed back against him, matching his pace as his hips canted quickly, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the tent.
“ Fuck , Sansa. You’re too tight.” She looked back over her shoulder at him, moaning when she saw his eyes intensely focused on where his body entered hers. He pistoned in and out of her rapidly, his brows furrowed and jaw tight. “ Damnit , I’m close.” He closed his eyes, tilting his head back, clenching his jaw, his chest and neck muscles flexing as he kept up his pace.
She moaned, nodding as she dropped her hand down, resting her cheek against the bed as she touched her clit, rubbing tight circles to match his punishing pace. She felt her body shaking, moaning his name loudly as the familiar warmth built up, rising and pushing her higher until it cascaded, her inner walls tightening around him as she came loudly.
She gasped his name, moaning lowly as her senses became overwhelmed, her body igniting, warmth flooding into her limbs. He groaned deeply, his hips slowing as he came, his grip on her hips bruising as he pulled her onto him, thrusting once, twice more.
She collapsed onto their bed, Sandor falling with her as they stayed connected, her body still pulsing with the aftershocks of her orgasm. They were both panting, sweating, as he laid partially on top of her, holding up most of his weight with an elbow on the bed, his other hand grazing the skin on her back. He moved one of his knees up, bending it outside her legs as he canted his hips into her slowly, kissing her shoulder blades as she recovered.
She hummed when he finally slipped out of her body, crawling up to lay next to her, panting still as reached over to the side of the tent, grabbing his shirt and rolling back over to her.
“Here.” He handed it to her, gesturing to the mess between her thighs.
She took it, her hand falling limply to the bed, not moving as she caught her breath.
He laughed, pulling her body into his, curling onto his side with his chest against her back, twining their legs together, neither caring about the mess.
Ahem.. I’ll just give you a moment to read some Behind the Scenes info before we talk, mk?
1. The rental kitchen Sandor and Davos had hot coffee in (You know, that scene that feels 874 years ago now?) is a place called Finca Avedin in Andalucia, Spain.
2. All photos of the Andalos Mountains are really of the Huangshan mountains in China. (Fun fact, they inspired the mountains seen in Avatar!)
3. The entire Cymmeri culture is a creation from yours truly - Their wiki page has literally five sentences on it that basically say “Umm, so the Cymmeri were people that roamed Essos, and, like. That’s it. Oh also they worked with Iron.” So I just built on that 😂
4. The Village photo is an amazingly photoshopped creation done by Dmitry Zaviyalov. Google his name and you'll find a video of him making that phenomenal artwork completely from scratch on his Behance page!
5. Voda is inspired by the Bosnian word for ‘leader’. (vođa) I actually created this whole background for the Vodas, although it doesn’t make it into the story. (I tried, but it just clunked everything up.) The woman with the blue wool is the most respected and is considered the head leader in the village. She and the other two Vodas are all mated and live as one family together. (They also have children, I mean, I really made their backstory pretty elaborate, you guys.)
6. The Cymmeri People are made up of many different ethnicities, so you can imagine whoever you want playing their parts. However, I know some of you appreciate some visuals so I will provide who I imagined.
Blue Wool (Main Leader)- Zoe Saldana
Tan Wool (Language) - Daniel Dae Kim
Yellow Wool (Tea Room) - Aldis Hodge.
The young man who switches the buckets with bowls (sneaky!) is Leonardo Nam, and the woman who yells at him is Danai Gurira.
7. The garden with the pavilion the second Voda sits at is the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco, CA, USA.
8. Most of the interior Village House photos come from Katsura Imperial Villa in Kyoto, Japan.
9. The language Roadblock was inspired by Season 19, Leg 1. Teams had to find a phone booth, call a specific number and listen to a phrase (spoken in English though) and then repeat the phrase correctly to a Temple Monk to get their next clue. (Or go back to the phone booth and listen again, in many cases.)
10. I wanted to address Sandor’s abysmal language skills - In Dorne, he recognizes ‘snake’ in Old Rhoynish because the river Rhoyne flows right alongside Dothraki Sea, so to me, it would be feasible if these languages were similar. (I mean.. English “snake” , French “serpent” and Spanish “serpiente”) Sansa doesn’t recognize it in Dorne because she’s so caught up in beating Arya. Now, when Sandor greets the villagers, he’s being cocky and tries something advanced (‘Good afternoon’, pretty fancy) and botches it.
11. The elephant/water task was inspired by Season 14, Leg 6, although the teams had to water camels (they also had to feed them) and they got to use real buckets with handles. (Leonardo Nam wasn’t there to switch them out with bowls!)
12. The Tea task is inspired by my favorite, favorite task ever! This was the first season I ever watched, Season 18, Leg 6. It was a Roadblock, and teams had to find a flavor match for tea they tasted in a previous country (!!) One dude really did get it on the first try (So Melisandre isn’t a complete anomaly here) And one contestant had to stay for FOUR HOURS drinking tea before he found it. (At one point, he cried on the ground in the fetal position. It was sad!)
13. The tea cup is an old viking design from Denmark. There are 450 of them in that picture, just in case you were curious! (The metal material is a nod to their ‘iron’ info on their wiki page!)
14. The bridge is the Kazurabashi Bridge in Tokushima, Japan.
15. Drogo and Dany are on the production team! Lyanna is their superior! Meh heh, surprise! Fun fact, if you go back to when Brienne and Tormund were arm wrestling on the mat (episode 5) Dany is the sound technician who replaces their batteries. Muahaha!
16. Mount Pico isn’t a real name, but Pico is Portugeuese for ‘peak’
17. On TAR, if you show up at a Pit Stop Mat without your bags, they’re lost to you for the rest of the race. The only time there is an exception is if you don’t have your passport with you, in which case Phil actually won’t check the team in until they come back with it. (This has cost some teams the race! It’s heartbreaking!)
18. The tent the Cymmeri use is actually a Viking design with a foldable frame, making stakes in the ground unnecessary. Much easier to travel with! (I apologize to the Cymmeri people for making them carry all that stuff up that mountain, my bad you guys.)
And that’s Episode Six!! Do you see why it’s my favorite now?? Too many reasons!
Don’t forget to tell me your favorite line in the comments!
Chapter 7: Episode Seven - 'You carried me to the finish.'
This is it, the FINALE!!
Notes at the end, you guys enjoy!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Petyr voiceover - Tonight on the Season Finale of The Westerosi Race…
[Cut to a clip montage of Sansa and Sandor - them arguing in the Westerlands, Sandor’s face turning green as he stares at the bowl of Surströmming in The North and Sansa loading up crackers for him, them riding a camel together in Meereen, swimming together in the underground lake in the Summer Islands, Sandor encouraging Sansa in front of the pit of snakes in Dorne, and both of them laughing while they wrestle in mud in the Andalos Mountains.]
Sansa and Sandor have certainly progressed from the heated animosity that was first between them at the start of the Race. Now that they’ve seemed to hit a stride in their relationship, can they work together to become the winners of The Westerosi Race?
[Cut to clips of Brienne and Tormund - Brienne angrily pushing Tormund down the cheese hill, Brienne slumped in the back of a taxi in the North, shoving Tormund’s hand away as he tries to rub her back, Tormund suffering in the hot taxi while Brienne hands him a bottle of water, Brienne dropping five lobsters over the side of the boat, easily lifting herself up as Tormund looks at her with awe, Tormund and Brienne rowing together in sync on the Torentine River, and them kissing on the soggy ground in the Andalos Mountains.]
Brienne and Tormund have entered into a new tentative romantic relationship, just before the most important leg of the Race, possibly serving as a gigantic distraction. Will that decision come to haunt them as they compete for the title of Season 10 Westerosi Race Winners?
[Cut to a clip of Davos waiting on the Pit Stop mat at night, his face unamused as Melisandre walks up to it leisurely, Melisandre standing nude in front of the frozen lake, Davos averting his eyes and sighing, Melisandre entering the Pahl Pyramid easily, emerging quickly and Davos rising to come to her side, Melisandre and Davos floating next to each other on a giant inflatable hotdog and set of boobs in the underground cave, Melisandre smiling at Davos as he joyfully watches the exotic birds in Dorne, and Melisandre waiting patiently for Davos as he struggles to walk up the mountain stairs.]
Davos and Melisandre are our only platonic relationship competing on this last leg, despite being thought of as the weakest teams in the beginning. Will Davos’s continued trust and Melisandre’s innate intuition help them win the Westerosi Race?
[Camera cuts to Petyr, walking down a street, tall buildings on either side of him.]
Petyr - With only these three teams left, stay tuned to find out which one will be the winner of the million dollars cash prize and of The Westerosi Race!
[Camera cuts to Davos and Melisandre standing on the mat, the morning sky brightening behind them.
Petyr voiceover - Each team will be departing ten minutes apart based on the order they placed in the previous leg. For this leg of the race, teams will not receive any money, having to rely on their savings from previous legs to make it through. For the third time this season, Melisandre and Davos are the first team to depart.
[Davos looks over at Melisandre, smiling as he raises up a yellow envelope in his hand. She gestures for him to go ahead and Davos rips it open, pulling out the papers for both of them to see.]
Davos - Make your way to King’s Landing.
[Camera cuts to an aerial view of a massive city landscape.]
Petyr voiceover - King’s Landing is the most populated city in Westeros, once home to the Iron Throne that was destroyed in the Great Fire of Drogon centuries ago. Over 60 million tourists visit King’s Landing every year to experience the culture and opportunities only a city like this can provide.
[Camera cuts to Petyr standing in front of a large staircase, crowds of people behind and around him.]
Petyr - Teams must now navigate themselves through the crowds and chaos of the city to The Great Sept of Baelor, rebuilt after an accidental explosion destroyed it in 1364. [He gestures behind him.] It’s here, on these legendary steps, where they’ll find their next clue.
[Camera cuts back to the mountains as Davos takes in a deep breath, looking over at Melisandre. She looks unconcerned, lifting her chin up confidently. Davos nods at her.]
Davos - Well, we’ve made it this far. Who knows, we could win the whole thing. [He smiles at her, his face hopeful.]
Melisandre, smiling - What is meant to be will happen.
[Davos nods, agreeing as he follows Melisandre off the mat. Camera swivels to follow them as they walk towards the stairs down the mountain, Davos looking down at the papers in his hand.]
Davos - Oh, it says here we don’t get any money for this leg. Hmm, I wonder how much we’ve got left.
[He removes one strap of his bag, swinging it forward and reaching into the front pocket, pulling out a wad of cash and some change.]
Melisandre - The Lord of Light will provide however much we need to complete our tasks.
Davos, sighing - Well, the Lord of Light thinks forty-four dollars should do it. [He pauses.] and fifty-three cents.
Sansa’s heart was racing as she walked down the aisle of the plane to her row, brushing her hair out of her face as she shuffled past the empty aisle and middle seat, sitting down next to the window. She smiled to herself, looking down as she buckled her seatbelt around her hips.
Sandor came up the aisle, nodding to the flight attendant, whose eyes were narrowed in suspicion as he pushed the drink cart. Sandor sat down in the middle seat, his skin flushed and eyes gleaming.
She looked over at him, trying to contain a smile. “So. I guess you do fit after all.”
He huffed a laugh as he looked over at her, raising an eyebrow. “You could say I’m fitting into a lot of new places recently.”
She laughed loudly, covering her mouth as the flight attendant turned around to glare at them.
“He doesn’t like us very fucking much.” Sandor raised his hand, waving at the flight attendant with a big grin on his face.
Sansa hissed his name, reaching over and grabbing his hand, pulling it back down. “Well, you weren’t exactly quiet .”
He laughed, looking over at her with his eyebrows raised. “I couldn’t help it, I didn’t expect you to do that last thing with your tongue.”
Sansa blushed as a man in front of them turned around in his seat, his eyebrows furrowed. Sansa nodded politely at him, smacking Sandor in the arm, mortified.
Sandor smirked, leaning in close to her, kissing her on the cheek before whispering into her ear. “Now let’s see how quiet you can be.” He turned his shoulders towards her, blocking her body from anyone else’s view as he ran his fingers up her inner thigh, moving to unbuckle her seat belt.
She grabbed his hand, stopping him as she shook her head.
Sandor furrowed his brows. “We have hours left on this flight and I’m not allowed to touch you?”
Sansa laughed, bringing her hand up to his cheek and leaning in to kiss him softly on the lips. “You’re allowed, I just think we’re lucky enough to not have been arrested as it is.”
Sandor pursed his lips, thinking as he narrowed his eyes at her. “What if I covered you up with a blanket?”
She tilted her head, thinking, then shrugged, smiling at him. “Okay, if you get a blanket.”
Sandor grinned, leaning in to kiss her, humming against her lips before he pulled away.
She cleared her throat, smiling innocently. “You do realize your new best friend isn’t going to go for this plan, right?” She gestured to the front of the plane with her chin.
They both looked up at the flight attendant crossing his arms, glaring at them with his lips pursed.
Sandor sighed, slumping back in his seat. “Fuck.”
- - -
[Camera cuts to the steps in front of The Great Sept of Baelor. There is a clue box up at the top by the double doors. A taxi pulls up, Sansa and Sandor exiting with their bags. They run up the stairs, their bags bouncing slightly on their backs, as another taxi pulls up.]
[Camera cuts in close on the clue box as Sandor reaches it, opening the lid and pulling a yellow envelope out. Sansa arrives at his side panting heavily as he rips the clue open, pulling out the papers for her to read.]
Sansa, out of breath - Detour. Coin Haul or Curtain Call.
[Camera cuts to an interior shot inside a great circular room, Petyr standing in the middle on a small platform.]
Petyr - The Great Sept of Baelor was once the largest Sept devoted to the Faith of the Seven in King’s Landing, and one of the third-largest in the entire continent of Westeros. After it was rebuilt, it became a unique stage dedicated to one of the city’s greatest cultural passions - Theatre. In the spirit of this magnificent building, teams will be donning costumes as they complete their next Detour.
[Camera cuts closer to Petyr. There are six bundles of clothing wrapped up in brown paper and twine behind him on a bench, the name of each contestant on top of a pile.]]
Petyr - in ‘Curtain Call’, teams will have to perform a lengthy scene from a local hit play. Teams will be expected to memorize lines and perform the necessary blocking, or precise body movements and positioning, required to correctly portray the characters assigned to them. Once they meet the exacting standards of the local Director, they will be given their next clue. This task is not physically demanding, but teams without a flair for drama..could be cast out of the competition.
[Camera cuts to an exterior city street view.]
Petyr voiceover - Walking down the streets of King’s Landing provides tourists with a direct link to the past that few other places can offer. In ‘Coin Haul’, teams will experience this connection first hand as they traverse across the city, collecting a different coin at specific locations. After they’ve collected all six, they will head to the Red Keep, the castle once home to the Monarchy that used to rule over Westeros, to receive their next clue. This task could take some time, having to combat with traffic and tourists in this large city, but teams who can maneuver themselves through the streets and alleyways quickly..might land heads up in this competition.
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr drops his plastic smile, turning to look off-camera. “Are we done? I have things to do, fucknut.” We hear mumbling off-camera. Petyr scoffs. “If you must know.. I saw some interesting ..clothes. On the streets of silk. So if you’ll excuse me.” He puts his nose in the air, exiting the frame, not waiting for an answer. Camera swivels to watch him walk towards the door of the Sept, zooming in on his pocket as he pulls out a handful of condoms and an ear of corn.]]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor on the steps of Baelor, Brienne and Tormund running up the stairs in the background.]
Sandor, cringing - Fuck, a costume?
Sansa, excited - A costume!! [She looks up at him, her face beaming.] Oh, this is going to be so fun!
[Sandor grimaces as he looks down at the paper.]
Sandor, unsure - Sansa, I can’t perform lines from a fucking play.
[Sansa furrows her brows, leaning close to him to read the paper.]
[Camera zooms out as Brienne and Tormund arrive at the top of the stairs, running over to the clue box. Tormund opens the lid and Brienne reaches in for the envelope, pulling it out and ripping it open for both of them to read.]
Sansa - Okay, I mean, we have plenty of money to take a taxi to all these places so we can do the coin one if you want to.
[Sandor nods, his face relieved. Sansa squeals, grabbing his hand as she drags him to the doors of the Sept. Sansa pulls the door open eagerly, pushing Sandor ahead of her as he groans. Camera pans over to Brienne and Tormund.]
Tormund, squealing - A costume?!
[Camera cuts to an interior hallway of the Sept. A door opens, Sansa stepping out fully dressed in a period costume. Camera zooms in on Sansa as she walks very purposefully, a serious look on her face.]
Sansa, regally - The lone wolf dies but the pack survives.
[Sansa breaks character, her shoulders slumping as she looks around. She picks up her skirt, walking across the hall and knocking on a door.]
Sansa, annoyed - Sandor! I thought you were already out! You missed my entrance.
[We hear Sandor’s voice through the door.]
Sandor, muffled - I look like a fucking cunt.
[Camera zooms in on Sansa as she grabs the sides of her skirt, twisting her hips so the dress flares slightly as she moves back and forth.]
Sansa, encouraging - No! I bet you look great! Come out, let me see. Wait til you see mine, I look so fancy. [She rubs the fur on her shoulders.] I mean, it’s a bit hot for King’s Landing in the summer but the quality is sup-
[Her voice trails off as we hear a door open. Sansa’s eyes go wide as she purses her lips, trying to hide a smile but doing a terrible job. Camera pans over to show Sandor.]
Sandor, annoyed - Stop fucking laughing.
[Camera cuts to Sansa as she bites her bottom lip hard, tears beginning to form in her eyes as she tries to contain herself.]
Sansa, voice breaking - I’m not laughing. You look sooo..cute. [She clears her throat, fanning her face with her hand.] Isn’t that heavy? How can they expect you to wear that armor around the city?
Sandor, annoyed - It’s not metal, it’s plastic.
[He steps towards her, the plastic making a squeaking noise as it rubs against itself. Sansa’s shoulders curl in as she bends over, laughing loudly into one hand as she holds her stomach with the other.]
Sandor, angry - Ok, I’m not fucking walking around like this.
[Sansa stands up, still smiling widely as she grabs his hand before he can go back into his room.]
Sansa, amused - No, no. I wasn’t laughing at you. I was..um.. You look great, I promise. Very hot, like a sexy, rogue warrior.
[Sandor rolls his eyes as another door opens. Tormund walks out of his room, standing tall, smiling at Sansa and Sandor as he raises an eyebrow.]
Tormund - Am I the only one who thinks I’m owning this?
[Sandor throws his hands up, the plastic squeaking again as he moves.]
Sandor, angry - Ok, this is bullshit! Why does Tormund get a badass old wildling costume and I get this piece of shit from the $1 toy bin at the supermarket?
[We hear another door open.]
Brienne, tersely - You aren’t the only one unhappy.
[Brienne steps into the frame, holding up her skirt as she walks into the room, her face annoyed. Tormund looks over at her, his jaw dropping in awe. He walks to her side, his eyes dark as he looks her over.]
Tormund, confused - Why? You look.. [He voices trails off as he gazes at her heatedly.]
[Brienne drops her skirt down angrily.]
Brienne, annoyed - Because Tormund, this is sexist! I have every right to be dressed as a warrior [she gestures to Tormund] or a knight [she gestures to Sandor] as you both do!
Sandor, muttering - I’m not a fucking knight.
Brienne, angry - Well neither am I, just because I don’t have a dick between my legs!
[Sandor sighs, not saying anything as Brienne glares at him, her face hard. Camera cuts to Tormund as he steps towards Brienne, his face thoughtful as he grabs her fingers gently in his. He smiles softly as he looks over her face.]
Tormund, affectionately - Do you want to switch outfits?
[Brienne scoffs, smiling slightly as she rolls her eyes. She shakes her head, then stops, tilting her head instead, her lips pursed and eyes narrowed in thought.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor putting their bags on their backs as they approach a theatre helper at the end of the hallway, Sandor’s plastic armor squeaking.]
Theatre Helper - Hello, my Lady [He bows to Sansa, who smiles widely, bowing back regally.] And Sir. [He bows to Sandor.]
Sandor, annoyed - I’m not a fucking knight. [He looks over to Sansa.] Why do people keep saying that to me?
[Sansa laughs as she touches Sandor’s armor on his chest, smiling apologetically to the Theatre Helper.]
Sansa, amused - Do you have instructions for us? We’re doing the Coin Haul Detour.
[The Theatre Assistant nods, looking down at a small side table next to him, scripts stacked on one end, scrolls tied with some twine on the other. He grabs a scroll, handing it to Sansa and she nods gratefully. She turns towards Sandor, untying it and rolling it open.]
[Sansa squints, looking closer at the details.]
Sansa, nervous - Wow, that’s.. kind of spread out all over, isn’t it?
[Sandor grimaces, shrugging as he looks at the map over her shoulder.]
Sandor - There’s no direct path so.. I guess we can just start with that one. [He points to the star closest to the Great Sept of Baelor.] and work our way around until we end at the Keep.
[Sansa nods, sighing as she rolls the map back up.]
Sansa, determined - Ok, we need to hurry, we don’t want to lose our lead.
[Sandor nods as they jog towards an archway that leads out into the main Sept auditorium, Sandor’s plastic squeaking getting fainter as they disappear around the corner. Melisandre and Davos walk into the hallway, their hands full of twine wrapped costumes.]
Davos, happily - This is pretty exciting. You know, I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of an actor. Did you know I was once in a play? I was an onion smuggler. Saved a king. [He puffed his chest up as Melisandre smiled widely at him.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor in the back of a taxi, stuck in traffic, the air conditioning blowing Sansa’s hair faintly as she leans forward, looking at the driver.]
Sansa, stressed but polite - Sir, we’re in a race. Is there any way you could maybe.. go around these cars? Or is there a faster way?
Driver, sarcastically - Oh sure lady, let me just pull a freeway outta my ass. [He looks over at her, his face incredulous as he gestures to the gridlocked cars in front of him.] Where do you expect me to go? It’s summer. [He rolls his eyes, turning back to the front as he picks up his phone, fingers tapping the screen. He laughs at something, nodding as he taps his fingers rapidly.]
[Sansa sits back, frowning with her eyebrows furrowed.]
Sansa, offended - Well, that was..kind of rude. I was on- BRAWNS!
[She points out the window, Camera swivels to show Brienne and Tormund running down the sidewalk, Brienne in a wildling costume, Tormund’s pink dress flapping behind him as he holds it up around his thighs to run.]
Sandor, frustrated - Fuck, we’re not getting anywhere. Let’s go.
[He opens his door, standing awkwardly out of the taxi while his plastic armor squeaks and scuffs against itself, rolling his eyes as he reaches around to pick up his bag. Sansa scoots across the seat, leaning forward towards the driver.]
Sansa, politely - Sir? How much do we owe you?
[The driver rolls his eyes, pointing to the meter ticking away on the dashboard in front of him. Sansa eyes widen as she looks at the total.]
Sansa, shocked - $84?! We didn’t even go anywhere! [She gestures behind her.] I can still see the Sept!
[The Driver turns to her, raising his hand and rubbing his fingers together in a ‘money’ gesture, grinning widely]
Driver, greedily - Summer is tourist season, sweetie.
[Sansa scowls, reaching down into her bag on the floorboard, unzipping the front pocket and roughly removing the correct amount of money, rudely throwing it up into the front seat. She raises her chin defiantly, scooting the rest of the way out of the car.]
Driver, sarcastically - Good luck on your ‘race’! And nice fur! Enjoy melting in th-
[Sansa slams the car door, her face furious as she puts her bag on, pulling her hair free from the straps. She rubs the fur next to her face apologetically as Sandor shakes his head at her. They both start jogging down the sidewalk, their bags bouncing heavily on their backs. Sandor has to talk loudly over his squeaking armour.]
Sandor, amused - Wow, the Queen of the North slamming the door on someone? [He makes a ‘tsk’ noise as he shakes his head.] What would your people think?
Sansa, panting - My people would never charge a visitor a ridiculously exorbitant price for a taxi that only went 6 blocks! That was half our money!
[Sandor groans as they come to a stop on a street corner, looking down at her as people move all around them.]
Sandor - Fuck, really? [Sansa nods her head, brushing her hair out of her face.] Damn. I guess there goes our plan to ride taxis everywhere. [He sighs, rubbing the sweat out of his eyes.] Ok so [He gestures with his chin down to Sansa.] which way?
[Sansa looks up at him, eyes wide.]
Sansa, stressed - Oh gods, I left it in that horrible man’s car!
[Sandor looks up at the road, his face focused as he scans the sea of cars. He runs into the street, weaving in between the stopped cars, working his way back to their taxi. We lose sight of him briefly as Sansa walks down the sidewalk, the cameraman beside her. The traffic light changes to green and the cars all start moving forward slowly, except for one clump where we hear lots of honking and loud shouting. Cameraman runs forward and we see Sandor walking across the street, back to the sidewalk, a rolled up scroll in one hand, the other hand flicking off an angry man hanging out of his car, his face red, his neck veins bulging as he glares furiously at Sandor.]
Angry Man, screaming - GET OUT OF MY WAY, SIR TWAT-ELOT!
Sandor, yelling - I’M NOT A FUCKING KNIGHT, YOU CUNT!
[Angry Man blows his horn as Sandor walks slowly in front of his car, smirking at him. Sandor finally steps onto the sidewalk and the wheels of Angry Man’s car spin wildly as he slams on the gas, screaming at Sandor once more as he peels away, only going about 20 feet before he has to stop again. Sandor growls, his teeth bared as he walks towards Angry Man’s car, his steps purposeful even as his armor squeaks loudly with every movement. Sansa grabs his arm, pulling him so he stops walking.]
Sansa, hurried - Sandor, no! We need to stay focused! This is the finale, we can’t fuck around this leg!!
[Sandor’s anger disappears, his face smiling as he looks down at her, all tension gone from his body. His eyes gleam as he eyes Sansa in her costume, raising an eyebrow.]
Sandor, suggestively - Hmm, sullied Queen of the North.
[Sansa rolls her eyes, grabbing the scroll from his hand and unrolling it as she mutters to herself. Sandor smirks as she studies the map, still eyeing her up and down.]
Sandor, teasing - Do you think they’d let us keep these costumes?
[Sansa looks up at him, trying to hide her amusement as Sandor wiggles his eyebrows at her. She laughs, rolling the map up as she walks back to the corner, Sandor following behind her, smiling.]
Sansa, sternly but amused - You are like a teenage boy right now! Honestly! [She gestures ahead of them] It’s this way in case, you know, you remember we’re trying to win a Race!
[Sandor nods, reaching forward to pinch her ass, making Sansa shriek with surprise.]
[Camera cuts to a dramatic angle of Melisandre and Davos.]
[Melisandre holds a small wooden figure in her hands. Davos walks up behind her, his voice shaking with anger.]
Davos, intensely - Tell him. Tell him who it belonged to.
Melisandre, deadpan - The princess, Shireen.
Davos, intensely - Tell him what you did to her. [His body shakes with anger as he barely restrains himself, his eyes focused on Melisandre with fury. She doesn’t answer, so he yells.] TELL HIM!
Melisandre, dispassionately - We burned her at the stake.
[The Director’s Assistant steps into the frame, shaking his head as he waves his hands in the air in front of him.]
Director’s Assistant - Ok, no, stop, just stop. [He looks over his shoulder, off-camera.]
[Camera zooms out to show a man in a fisherman’s hat, white beard and large glasses looking at Davos and Melisandre, his face unreadable as he sits in the Director’s chair. He shakes his head once at the Assistant. The Assistant turns back to Davos and Melisandre as Camera zooms in on the three of them.]
Director’s Assistant - Yeahhh, I thought as much. [He turns to Davos.] Honey, you are serving it. You’re giving me everything and I’m living for it.
[Davos grins, his face bright as he looks over at Melisandre joyfully, his hands sitting on his hips proudly. Melisandre smiles at him as The Assistant turns to her, his face falling.]
Director’s Assistant - You, however.. I’m just.. not feeling it. Anything. At all. [He raises his hand to his chest, his face scrunched up in sympathy.] It’s like you’re dead inside. And not in like, a sexy ‘Oh, I’m so damaged and I need you to fuck my brains out to fix my childhood trauma’ kind of way. [He drops his hand, looking at her sternly.] I need you to give me something. Anything. I will settle for a tiny flicker of life in those dark, beautiful, terrifying eyes of yours, ok?
Melisandre, scoffing, annoyed - I am to portray a priestess, I know a-
[The Assistant puts his hand up, cutting her off.]
Director’s Assistant - Ooooh, uh-uh, ok [he gestures around them] This isn’t a movie set where everyone caters to the ‘talent’, ok? [He puts his hands down.] Here, in Theatre, we’re a team, and what you think you know [He leans in close to her, whispering] doesn’t matter. [He leans back, his face cheerful again as he claps his hands together.] Ok! Let’s just start again, Davos, sweetie, my shining, glittery star, keep doing everything exactly as you are, ok? Melly [He looks at her sternly, wiggling his fingers in front of his eyes.] Give me something, anything, I beg of you. [He puts his hands together in a pleading gesture as he backs up, exiting the frame.]
[Melisandre looks over at Davos, watching as he steps back to a piece of tape on the floor, his face beaming. She nods to herself, her face resigned.]
Director’s Assistant, screaming - Ok, Let’s go people! From the top! [He points to Davos, who takes a deep breath in, his face stern as he begins again.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor walking quickly down an underground tunnel. Sansa’s face looks unsure as they step over puddles of water on the ground.]
Sansa, warily - This place is so creepy.
Sandor, shrugging - The woman said this was the way to the Alchemist’ Guild. [He looks over at her, gesturing to the map rolled up in her hands.] Isn’t that where the star is?
[Sansa looks down at the map, unrolling it slightly so she can see.]
[Sansa makes an unsure noise.]
Sansa - I mean, the star is near the words, yeah, but it’s kind of off to the side.
[Sandor sighs as he stops walking, standing next to her to look at the map.]
Sandor, frustrated - Fuck.
[He looks back where they had just walked from, his hands on his hips as he turns to look at the path ahead of them. He squints, leaning forward as he smiles, pointing up ahead.]
Sandor, relieved - Look.
[Camera zooms in to show a Route Marker on the wall by an archway. Camera cuts back to Sansa as she looks over at him, her face proud. They jog down the alleyway, passing the Route Marker just as Brienne and Tormund emerge from an alcove up ahead, a rolled-up map in Tormund’s hands. The teams nod to each other as they pass, Sansa and Sandor ducking into the alcove.]
Sansa, terrified, off-camera - Oh Gods, murder room!
[Camera catches up and turns the corner, showing Sansa and Sandor standing in a small space facing a man sitting on a stool in front of a door. He looks up at Sansa with an annoyed expression as she grabs Sandor’s arm, pulling him closer to her side.]
Sansa, nervous - I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I just..wasn’t expecting this space to look .. it’s nice. Homey. [We hear her laugh awkwardly as the man rolls his eyes, reaching over to the shelf next to him.]
Man - I don’t live here. [He holds his hand out and Sandor reaches forward. The man drops a coin into Sandor’s palm and Sandor nods, showing the coin to Sansa.]
Sansa, happy - Aw, look! It’s got our season number on it next to a disgusting snake!
[Sansa frowns, shuddering, making Sandor laugh as he moves to put the coin in his pocket, stopping when his hand meets plastic.]
Sandor, sighing - I don’t have any pockets.
[Sansa runs her hands along the front of the dress.]
Sansa - Shoot, I don’t either.
[Sandor raises his hand, spinning his pointer finger in a small circle. Sansa smiles, turning around so Sandor can unzip the front pocket on her bag, putting the coin inside. He zips it up as he gestures to the map in her hand.]
Sandor, focused - Ok, where’s the next one? I don’t want the Brawns to get too far ahead.
[Sansa nods, unrolling the map so they can both read it.]
[Sansa points to the map, her finger on the King’s Gate star.]
Sansa - What do you think about getting this one next? Then we can swing down to the Fish market, over to the Street of Steel, then Spice street. We can get the last one at Flea Bottom and then be right next to the Red Keep.
[Sandor nods as they both move to exit the alcove.]
[Camera cuts to The King’s Gate, Brienne and Tormund standing on the bridge leading to the gate archway. Brienne is looking around while Tormund stands beside her, grinning widely while he swishes his dress around his legs.]
Tormund, gleefully - My balls can breathe so well in this! Look, Brienne!
Brienne, distracted - I can’t focus on your balls right now, Tormund. [She frowns, putting her hands on the edge of the bridge and leaning over, looking down below.] Do you see anyone just sitting or standing around? [She stands up as she wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, pulling at the leather wrapped around her neck.] Gods, why do we have to wear thick costumes in the middle of summer? [She turns to Tormund who is spinning in a circle, giggling as his dress flares up slightly.]
Tormund, gleefully - Sexism is so fun!
[Brienne sighs, smiling as she shakes her head.]
Brienne - Tormund. [Tormund continues spinning.] Tormund! [Tormund stops spinning, grinning at her.]
Brienne, amused - You know we’re in a Race, right? Will you help me look?
[He nods his head, swishing his skirts as he walks to the other side of the bridge, looking down below.]
[Camera zooms out as Sansa and Sandor jog onto the bridge, both panting heavily as they stop near Brienne and Tormund, everyone nodding to each other. Sansa’s hair is sticking to her neck and face. Sandor mutters ‘fuck it’ as he pulls the helmet off his head, taking in big gulps of air, his hair sticking to his face. He holds it in his hand as he walks over to the edge of the bridge, Sansa moving to the other side to search.]
[Camera cuts to a wider view as Tormund and Sansa search one side, Sandor and Brienne standing at the other, eyes scanning below.]
Sansa, loudly - Sandor! [She points down below on her side of the bridge.]
[Camera cuts to the lower level. There is a man with a pair of yellow and red sunglasses sitting on the ledge of a large fountain.]
[Camera cuts back to Brienne and Tormund as they both turn to Sandor, smiling widely.]
Sandor - Shit.
[Brienne, Sandor and Tormund all take off at a sprint, running to the stairs that lead down to the lower level, Sandor’s armor making a loud, unpleasant scraping noise as he moves.]
Sansa, quietly - Oops.
[Sansa jogs to the stairs as Camera cuts to a wide view of everyone running, Tormund struggling with his skirts, falling behind. Brienne and Sandor are neck and neck as they sprint to the fountain, Sandor slowing down, his bag bounces heavily on his back. The Man with the Sunglasses stands when he sees them running towards him, backing up slightly as Brienne comes to a stop in front of him, panting as sweat beads down her face. Sandor comes up behind her, panting heavily, carrying his helmet in his hand. The Man with the Sunglasses nods at both of them, handing Brienne a coin first, then Sandor. Tormund comes up behind Brienne and she holds the coin out for him as Sandor walks behind them, exiting the frame.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor walking towards Sansa as she jogs up to him.]
Sansa, apologetic - I’m sorry I said whe-
[Sandor waves her off, shaking his head.]
Sandor, panting - They would’ve found it once we started moving, it doesn’t matter. [He hands her the coin.]
[Camera zooms in on Sansa’s hands as she holds the coin, running her finger across the raised shape of a camel on the surface in the same style as the snake coin.]
Sansa - It’s pretty.
[She hands it back to him, turning around. He unzips her front pocket, dropping the coin inside and zipping it back up. She faces back to him, unrolling their map.]
[Sansa points to the Fish Market.]
Sansa - Shall we?
[Camera cuts to a wide view as Brienne and Tormund both start jogging, exiting the frame. Sandor watches them, groaning as he starts jogging behind them, Sansa beside him.]
Sandor, annoyed - We should’ve left our fucking bags on the side of that mountain, too.
[Camera cuts back to the Sept. The Director’s Assistant is sitting in a chair with his head in his hands, Melisandre and Davos sitting on a table on stage, Davos swinging his feet back and forth slightly. The Director’s chair is empty. The Assistant jolts up, his face hopeful.]
Director’s Assistant - I know! What if we played it where Davos and Melisandre had an underlying sexual attraction?
Davos & Melisandre, vehemently - Absolutely not.
[Camera cuts to the fish market as a fisherman grunts, slapping a giant fish head down on the table. He nods, satisfied as he wipes his hands off on his apron, walking back behind his booth, revealing Sandor behind him, his face green as he stares at the fish head.]
Sandor, uneasy - I fucking hate fish.
[Sansa laughs, taking his hand as she walks through the stalls in the market, her eyes scanning the tops of the tables and the clothes of the workers.]
Sansa, amused - Yes, believe it or not, I remember that little fact. Just close your eyes.
Sandor, pouting - That won’t stop the fucking smell.
[Sansa turns around, taking the helmet from his hand and putting it on his head, closing the visor over his face. She raises an eyebrow at him, looking at him expectantly. The Hound helmet moves stiffly forward and back as Sandor nods, not speaking. Sansa smiles, reaching up to scratch her fingers against the jaw of the helmet.]
Sansa, cooing - Who’s a good boy?
[Sandor flips up the visor, glaring at Sansa. He wrinkles his nose, grimacing as he lowers the visor back down quickly. Sansa laughs as she turns around, walking through the stalls, holding his hand as she searches.]
[Camera cuts to a very wide angle, showing the entirety of the fish market. We see Sansa, followed closely by The Hound walking through stalls at the North end of the market. Brienne and Tormund are roaming around the South end, Tormund stopping to smell different items and talk to the Fishermen as Brienne pulls his hand, trying to keep him focused.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and The Hound as he tugs on Sansa’s hand, stopping her. She looks up at him and he points to a stall near them, an older woman sitting behind a fish stall with a red and yellow scarf tied around her neck. Sansa makes a loud happy squeal, The Hound’s hand coming up to cover her mouth. Sansa nods mouthing ‘sorry’ when The Hound removes his hand. They both look over to where Tormund and Brienne are.]
[Camera cuts to Tormund as he speaks jovially with a fisherman. The fisherman nods, picking up a jar from his table and opening it, holding it out to Tormund. Tormund reaches in, pulling out a piece of raw fish, eating it happily, licking his fingers as he exclaims loudly, his face thrilled. The fisherman smiles widely, pleased, then turns to offer Brienne a piece. She grimaces, holding out a hand, declining.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa as she nods to The Hound, both of them walking quickly over to the woman with the scarf. Sansa smiles at her kindly and the woman nods, handing Sansa a coin. Sansa looks at it, laughing as she holds it out to The Hound, showing a raised fish in the middle in the same style as the previous two.]
Sansa, teasing - Want to hold onto this one since it’s your favorite?
[Sansa laughs as Sandor grabs the coin roughly from her hand, gesturing for her to turn around. He unzips the front pocket, dropping it in with the two others and zipping it up quickly.]
Sansa, teasing - Should we stay in here to look at the map or..?
[The Hound pushes past her quickly, jogging to the exit as Sansa laughs loudly, moving to follow him.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne as she turns around, her brows furrowed as we hear a faint sound of laughing. She nudges Tormund, who is looking at candles at a booth labeled ‘Something Smells Fishy’.]
Brienne, worried - Tormund, do you see Sansa and Sandor?
[Camera cuts back to the stage at the Sept. Melisandre is standing off to the side of the stage, reading over a script, her face frustrated. Davos walks up to Melisandre, his face melancholy.]
Davos, hesitantly - Do you want to switch to the other Detour?
[Melisandre shakes her head, still studying the script.]
Melisandre, certain - We will not fulfill your destiny if we relinquish now.
Davos, confused - My destiny?
[Melisandre doesn’t answer, scowling down at the script instead. The Director’s Assistant enters into the frame, sighing.]
Director’s Assistant - Ok kids, I spoke with the Director and he said he’s still not comfortable signing off of your performance. [He mutters ‘mostly because I told him it was abysmal’] Do you guys want to run through the singing number one more time? I won’t mention any names but I feel like one of you needs to work on the elephant stomping she calls tap dancing. [He gives a pointed look to Melisandre.]
[Melisandre sighs as she puts the script down on the table. She nods to the Assistant, walking over to center stage, leaving Davos behind with a pensive look on his face.]
[Camera cuts to a small alley made of stairs. Sansa is looking down at the map, her face frustrated as she opens the fur shawl around her shoulders, fanning her neck with her hand. Sandor is a few steps above her, his hands on his hips as he looks down another alleyway, his brows furrowed as he holds his helmet in his hand, a sheen of sweat covering his face.]
Sansa - I know it’s in this general area but this stupid star is so big, I can’t say exactly which little alley it is. [She looks up at Sandor.] Do you see anything?
Sandor, sighing - No. [He walks back down to Sansa, looking at the map over her shoulder.]
[Sansa hands it to him, sighing as she pulls her hair up in her hands, holding it against her head as she fans herself, little tendrils of hair sticking to her neck. Sandor holds out his closed fist, offering Sansa the hair tie on his wrist. She smiles gratefully at him, pulling it off and deftly piling her hair into a high bun. She raises herself up on her toes, kissing him on the cheek and walking forward, her eyes focused on the doors she passes as she leads them down the alley.]
[Camera cuts to a door with a small Route Marker above it. Brienne and Tormund enter the frame, Brienne’s face flushed, the leather that was once around her neck now tied around her waist. Tormund is wincing, walking quickly with his legs spread wide.]
Brienne, frustrated - Gods, could they have picked a more obscure place? [She steps up to the door, quickly stepping out of the way as it pushes open towards her, Sandor and Sansa exiting. Everyone nods to each other as Sandor and Sansa move past Brienne and Tormund, walking back out into the alleyway, stopping to look down at the map in Sansa’s hands. Brienne enters the doorway but Tormund stops next to Sandor, his face scrunched up in pain, gesturing to Sandor’s bag on his back.]
Tormund, hopeful - Do you have any underwear I could borrow? I’m chafing.
[Sandor raises an eyebrow, his face amused as he looks over to Sansa. He gives her a questioning look and she furrows her brows, her hand going to her hip, her face stern. Sandor rolls his eyes, taking his bag off his back, unzipping it and rummaging through the contents until he pulls out a rolled-up pair of boxer briefs. He stands up straight, holding them out to Tormund. Tormund reaches for them gleefully but Sandor pulls them back, looking at Tormund, then Brienne shrewdly.]
Sandor - If you take them, you have to wait fifteen minutes after you’ve got the coin to keep Racing.
[Brienne steps towards Sandor, scoffing.]
Brienne, challengingly - Five minutes.
[Sandor shrugs his shoulders, bending down to put the boxer briefs back in his bag. Tormund whimpers, his eyes gazing longingly at the underwear. Brienne sighs, rolling her eyes.]
Brienne, resigned - Ten minutes.
[Sandor stands, smirking as he hands the underwear to Tormund. Tormund grins widely, exclaiming happily as he takes them from Sandor, shimmying them on under the dress. Sandor grimaces as Tormund rubs his hand all around his crotch, sighing as he squats a few times.]
Tormund, relieved and ecstatic - So much better!
Sandor, disgusted - Yeah, you can keep those.
[Tormund grins, clapping Sandor on the shoulder gratefully. He turns to the door, following Brienne into the shop. Camera follows them, showing an interior view of a bicycle repair shop.]
[The Welder cuts off her torch, flipping her visor up as Brienne and Tormund walk fully into the shop. The Welder nods to them, her face amused at Tormund’s dress. She sets her torch down on a metal tray atop a table next to her, leaning forward and grabbing a coin from a small bowl next to the tray. She hands it to Brienne and Brienne nods gratefully, smiling as she shows the coin to Tormund. Tormund smiles widely, wiggling his eyebrows.]
Tormund, cheerful - I love that place.
[He runs a finger over the raised elephant in the center of the coin, nodding to Brienne. She puts it in her pants pocket, the coin clinking as it hits the others. Tormund and Brienne nod gratefully to The Welder as they turn back towards the door they came in, The Welder waving as she picks up her torch, flipping her visor down.]
[Camera cuts to an exterior view as Tormund and Brienne sigh, both standing in the alleyway. Brienne turns to Tormund, her eyebrow raised.]
Brienne - Do you have a watch?
[Tormund shows her his bare wrists, shaking his head. Brienne sighs, her shoulders slumping slightly as she begins counting out loud.]
[Camera cuts to the Sept. Davos’s voice is deep and steady as he bellows out a low note. He cuts the note off, the song now over, his hands raised in the air, panting as he kneels on the stage on one knee. Melisandre watches him from the side, her eyes wet as she smiles fully, her hands clasped under her chin. We hear a slow, steady clap as the Director’s Assistant enters the frame, his face in awe as he stares at Davos with wide eyes.]
Director’s Assistant - Davos, my muse, my love, you are.. a true shining, graying gem in the sea of bleakness that is my life. [He sighs, reaching into his pocket.] I cannot stand by and let this kind of talent go unrewarded. [He looks to Melisandre, shrugging.] He carried you through, Melly.
[Melisandre smiles back at the Director’s Assistant, her face proud.]
Melisandre, confident - It is his destiny.
Director’s Assistant, nodding - Now that is finally something we can agree on. [He turns to Davos, dropping six coins into his palm. The Assistant steps out of frame, coming back in quickly with a yellow envelope in his hands. He hands it to Davos, smiling.] Here you go, silver fox. Good luck, to you both. [He bows dramatically to them before walking off stage, exiting the frame.]
[Davos smiles widely at Melisandre, holding the envelope out to her.]
Davos - Shall we see what’s in store for us next?
[Meliandre nods, taking the clue from him and ripping it open. She unfolds a wide sheet of paper, holding it so Davos can see it too.]
Davos, surprised - Oh, it’s a map.
[Davos looks at Melisandre, his face confident. Melisandre nods at him.]
Melisandre, smiling - Our journey continues.
[Camera follows them as Davos walks to one of the columns surrounding the stage, grabbing his bag from the floor and putting it on, following Melisandre to the door.]
Davos, curious - Do you know what a silver fox is?
Melisandre - Some cultures regard him as a creator and wise leader.
Davos, humming - Well, that’s a nice thing for him to say, although...I don’t really see the connection?
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor walking quickly down a street, weaving through a crowd of people. Sansa is sweating profusely as she takes off the fur lined cape, bunching it up and holding it in her hand, sticking her tongue out and panting dramatically. Sandor has sweat pouring down his face, the sun shining brightly on him as he focuses on the passing sign shops. A pedestrian bumps into Sandor, knocking his helmet out of his hand. Sandor and Sansa both turn as the helmet gets kicked by another person in the crowd, the helmet scraping against the ground. Sandor sighs, turning back in the direction they were headed. Sansa grabs his wrist.]
Sansa, alarmed - Sandor, no! What if we get a penalty for not bringing every piece we’re supposed to? [She steps forward, bending down and picking up the helmet. She wipes the dirt off the mangled plastic as she stands back up. She sighs, thinking for a moment before gesturing for Sandor to turn around. He does, looking over his shoulder as she messes with his bag.]
Sandor, confused - What are you doing back there?
Sansa - Just fixing it so you don’t have to carry it. [She unbuckles one of the straps holding up his sleeping bag, feeding it through the Hound’s mouth. She angles the jaw so it looks like it’s biting the sleeping bag, snapping the buckle back and wiping her hands off, satisfied.] There. Now we can go. [She moves to his side, grabbing his hand as they both try to weave their way through the people, Sandor smiling as he looks back up at the shop signs.]
Sandor, relieved - Sansa!
[Sandor points to a spice shop with a red and yellow flag on the door and Sansa smiles, politely trying to cut in front of people passing in front of them. Sandor sighs, shoving his way through the crowd, Sansa smiling apologetically as she follows him.]
[They enter the shop door and Sandor groans, looking at all the baskets of spices laid out inside. A shop owner comes forward to greet them.]
Sandor, annoyed - Holy fuck, we have to search all of these?!
Shop Owner, horrified - Please don’t do that. [He holds out a coin and Sansa smiles gratefully at him as she takes it. She holds it out for Sandor, showing him a raised lobster in the center. Sandor nods, gesturing for her to turn around. Sansa pauses, frowning curiously.]
Sansa, thinking - Sandor, can you hand me the other coins?
[Sandor nods, unzipping her front pocket and grabbing all the coins, dropping them in her waiting palm. Sansa spreads them out, looking them over.]
Sansa, quietly - Snake, Camel, Fish, Elephant, Lobster... Oh! [She smiles up at Sandor as he shakes his head.]
Sandor, dumbfounded - Damn, I wasn’t even paying attention. One from each place we’ve been.
[She hands the coins back to him, grinning. He smiles as he takes them, unzipping her front pocket and dropping them in.]
Sansa, happily - So only the sheep left! Hard to forget that one.
[Sandor smirks, zipping Sansa’s bag and following her out of the shop.]
Sandor, amused - Holy shit, I can’t wait to watch the show and see that sheep try and fuck Jon.
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund jogging down a narrow street, passing a cafe. Tormund sniffs the air, groaning in pleasure as he pulls Brienne’s sleeve, making her stop.]
Tormund - Brienne. We have to try whatever is making that smell. [He sniffs again, closing his eyes and tilting his head back, his face showing pure ecstasy.]
Brienne, focused - Tormund, Sandor and Sansa are ahead of us, we need to be moving. I don’t even know where Davos and Melisandre are, they might’ve finished the Theatre Detour and be way ahead of us now. Which means we’d be in last place.
Tormund, distracted, looking through the window - Oh gods, they have a doughnut with bacon and cinnamon on it, Brienne!
Brienne, unamused - Tormund.
[Tormund looks over at her, his face serious.]
Tormund - We haven’t eaten a real meal since the mountains, Brienne. We need to keep our energy up. SanSan have their bags weighing them down, and Melisandre doesn’t believe in running, so we can still catch up. Plus, [He wiggles his eyebrows at her, stepping close and lowering his voice.] I’ll do that thing you like tonight.
Brienne, scoffing - You’ll do that anyway, I think you like it more than I do.
Tormund, shrugging - That’s true.
[Brienne looks at him, smiling softly as he gives her a wide innocent smile, his eyebrows raised high.]
Brienne, relenting - Fine. But we have to eat and walk. And you can’t just eat doughnuts. This place better have something with real nutrients.
[Tormund cheers, moving to hold the door open for Brienne.]
Tormund, teasing - You’re like a sexy nutritionist. How do you feel about roleplay? Actually, that reminds me, do you own glasses?
[Camera cuts to an exterior view of a taxi stopped in standstill traffic. We hear Davos’ voice.]
Davos, mumbling - Oh, I hope we have enough money. You know how expensive big cities can be.
[Camera zooms out, showing Davos counting money standing in front of a pastry cart, the cashier’s face confused.]
Cashier - Yeah, uh, it’s only four dollars, man. [He gestures to the wad of cash Davos is flipping through.]
[Davos looks up at the cashier, his brows furrowed.]
Davos - What? Oh! No, I meant for other things, taxis, tickets.. [his voice trails off when he sees the cashier’s eyes glazing over.] Ah, here we go. [He hands the cashier the money, thanking him and taking two pastries from the counter. The cashier calls out to Davos as he walks back to Melisandre, who’s waiting on the curb.]
Cashier, loudly - It was my pleasure! Enjoy your costume party!
[Camera cuts to another stair alleyway. Sansa is in front, navigating. Her bun is messy, tendrils of hair sticking out in every direction on top of her head, her furred cape bunched up and sticking out of her bag. Her sleeves are rolled up as she walks down one way, turning quickly, shaking her head as she walks back in the other direction. Sandor follows behind her, his hair stuck to his neck and forehead, face drenched in sweat and his head tilted all the way back as he pouts.]
Sandor - We’re going to lose our fucking lead because all of these fucking streets look the fucking same. [He lowers his head back down, sneering when his plastic squeaks.] I cannot wait to rip this fucking armor off the second this fucking Detour is over.
[A man steps into the alleyway talking on his phone, doing a double-take when he sees Sansa, raising his eyebrows and smiling at her. Sandor growls audibly, baring his teeth as he steps towards the man. The man widens his eyes, afraid as he steps back the direction he came from.]
[Sansa looks back at Sandor, her eyes wide.]
Sansa - Yikes, I think someone needs a snack.
[Sandor glares at her.]
Sandor, annoyed - I don’t need a snack, I’m not a child.
[Camera cuts to the pair exiting a corner bodega, Sandor biting into a pita full of lettuce and meat. Sansa is biting into her own pita, her face amused as she looks over at Sandor eating. Sandor swallows his mouthful, turning to look at Sansa.]
Sandor, reluctant - I might’ve been a little hungry. [He takes a second bite of his pita, finishing it. Sansa laughs, shaking her head as she takes another bite of hers, still more than half left. Sandor stops walking, his expression unsure. Sansa stops, a knowing look on her face.]
Sansa, amused - You want to go get another one?
[Sandor nods, turning to jog back to the bodega, his plastic armor squeaking loudly.]
Sandor, over his shoulder - I think I should get two more, just to be safe!
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund stopped in front of the Spice Shop, looking down at the map. She looks down at him, smiling.]
Tormund, excited - Only one left!
[He grins up at her as she sighs, shaking her head and blowing air out of her cheeks. He reaches up, brushing her wet hair from her sweaty forehead.]
Tormund, affectionately - My tough Island Woman.
[Brienne smiles, leaning into his hand briefly.]
Off-Camera - MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, ASSHOLES!
[Camera zooms out as a man shoves into Tormund, pushing him back into Brienne. Tormund’s face sneers as he steps towards the man, rolling up his dress sleeves as his eyes grow dark. Brienne grabs the fabric on Tormund’s shoulder, holding him next to her.]
Brienne - Don’t bother, Tormund. A rude asshole isn’t worth it when we’re this close.
[The Shoving Man turns around, walking backward as he yells out to Brienne.]
Shoving Man - Oh, you want rude? [He looks at Tormund.] Pink looks fucking TERRIBLE with your coloring!
[Brienne snarls, pushing Tormund behind her as she runs towards the man. The man shrieks, turning back around, running away. Both of them exit the frame. Tormund is smiling gleefully as he looks off-camera at them.]
Tormund, delighted, whispering - No, Brienne, don’t beat him up. Wait, stop. [We hear a scream from off-camera, and Tormund’s eyes widen as he giggles, breaking into a sprint, exiting the frame.]
[Camera cuts to an alleyway, Sandor and Sansa exiting a doorway with a red and yellow marker above it. Both of their faces are flushed and sweaty. Sansa looks up at Sandor, sighing happily with a sheep coin in her hand. She holds it out to him, grinning.]
Sansa, relieved - We’re finally DONE!
[Sandor takes the coin from her, nodding, his face relieved.]
Sandor - Let’s just fucking finish this. Red Keep?
[Sansa nods, pointing up the stairs. Sandor sighs as they both start jogging up the stairs side by side, their bags bouncing on their backs, Camera following behind them.]
Sansa - Ugh, I never want to explore another city ever again.
Sandor, casually - Ever? I hear the Westerlands are pretty nice to explore.
[Sansa looks over at him, smiling]
Sansa, teasing - Oh you heard this? [Sandor shrugs, smiling over at her.] Well..do you have a car? Or a bus pass?
Sandor, laughing - Yes, I have a fucking car.
Sansa, smiling widely - Then I can’t wait.
[Camera cuts to an exterior walkway inside the Red Keep. Melisandre and Davos walk up to a man standing in front of the entrance to the Godswood, three yellow envelopes in his hand.]
Guard - Do you have coins for entrance?
[Davos nods, handing him six coins. The Guard looks down, checking them as they lay spread in his palm. He nods, holding the clue envelopes up to Davos. Davos smiles, nodding politely as he takes one, turning to Melisandre and ripping it open, pulling out the papers.]
Davos - Roadblock. [He reads further, widening his eyes. He looks up at Melisandre. She looks back at him confidently, nodding.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr walking down a path inside the Godswood. His hair is ruffled, his shirt buttons misaligned and a lipstick smear is on his neck. He seems very relaxed.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Petyr sighs happily. “Gods, I fucking love this city.” He inhales, lifting his face up to the sun. We hear someone clear their throat off-screen. Petyr lowers his face, sniffing as he straightens his shirt. “Right, let’s get this in one take, team! Daddy’s got places to be.”]]
Petyr - The Godswood at the Red Keep is notoriously confusing, an acre of winding paths, surrounded by a garden full of fauna and foliage native to King’s Landing. For the first time this season, team members have no choice when it comes to who will be participating in the Roadblock - the least performing member will need to complete this challenge. That team member will be taking a journey down memory lane, searching these paths for clue boxes. [Petyr walks forward, a clue box now beside him. He opens the lid, pulling out a 1/4 inch thick piece of black foam board, a 5 inch wide photo of Fort Mazdhan printed on the front of it.] They’re tasked with finding a photo of each Pit Stop location they’ve visited. [He reaches inside the box again, pulling out a second photo of two elephants embracing in front of a mountain.] As well as an animal they interacted with in each country. [He puts both photos back in the box, closing the lid and walking forward.] The photos are all distributed randomly in eight clue boxes throughout the Godswood. Teams will compile their photos here.
[Petyr enters a clearing, three large boards propped up on easels next to him, all facing away from each other in a wide triangle.] Once team members have their board set up correctly, with all location and animal photos corresponding to the correct leg, they will receive their next clue.
[Camera cuts back to Davos as he takes a deep breath, nodding as he takes his bag off, handing it to Melisandre and walking into the garden. Melisandre sighs, sitting down on a stone bench next to the entrance, putting Davos’ bag on the ground near her feet as she waits.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa as they jog up to the guard at the entrance to the Godswood, both panting heavily. They speak to the guard at the same time.]
Sansa, eager - Is it over? The Detour?
Sandor, eager - Can I take this fucking thing off?
[The Guard steps back, his eyes wide.]
Guard, hesitantly - Uhh.. I don’t know. I was just told to give you this envelope when you hand me six coins with different animals on them. [He shrugs.]
[Sansa turns around quickly, her bag facing Sandor as he simultaneously reaches to unzip her front pocket. He grabs all the coins, turning to the Guard and shoving them into his hand. Sandor yanks an envelope from the Guard’s other hand, dropping it to the ground immediately as both he and Sansa take off their bags, dropping those to the ground as well. They begin ripping off pieces of their costumes, Sansa laughing as she strips down to a sweat-soaked sports bra and a pair of panties. Sandor sighs, relieved as he finally tears the plastic off his body, leaving it on the ground completely ruined at his feet. He’s standing in a soaked t-shirt and athletic shorts until he pulls those off, standing completely naked in a pair of boots, a blurry censorship box blocking his groin area.]
[Camera cuts to the Guard, his eyes wide as he stares at Sandor, averting his eyes quickly and looking over at Sansa, his face wary.]
The Guard, unsure - Uh.. you can’t go into the Godswood naked. It’s a religious institution.
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. Sandor has his hands on his hips, his feet in a wide stance as he breathes in deeply with his head tilted back, eyes closed. Sansa is kneeling next to her bag, digging out fresh clothes. She looks up when the Guard speaks, looking over at Sandor and grinning widely, her gaze dropping and lingering long enough that the Guard has to clear his throat.]
Sansa, blushing - Oh, um.. Yeah. He will. Just...give him a moment.
[Sandor breathes in and out slowly, the Guard looking more and more uncomfortable. Sansa gets dressed, smiling and enjoying the view. Finally, Sandor looks down at Sansa, his face happy. Sansa is fully dressed and smirking up at him.]
Sansa, amused - Feel better?
Sandor, blissful - Yes.
[He kneels down next to his bag, opening it and digging through the contents as Sansa walks over to the yellow envelope discarded on the ground. She bends down and picks it up, walking back to Sandor’s side as she rips it open and takes out the papers.]
Sansa, curious - Huh. There’s no riddle. It just says ‘The Team member who has done the least amount of Roadblocks must perform this task.’
[Sandor stands, putting on a new pair of athletic shorts as he looks over at her.]
Sandor, encouragingly - Well, I mean, you’ll do great, of course. [He bends down, picking up a shirt and straightening it out in his hand, looking for the head hole.]
Sansa, scoffing - Actually, you’ll do great.
[Sandor looks over at her, his eyebrows furrowed. Sansa’s eyebrows are raised, her mouth pursed as she holds the paper out to him.]
Sandor, confused - That’s..not..
[Sansa sighs, holding up her fingers as she lists the tasks.]
Sansa, amused but offended - You did the sheep in the West, I did the North lake dive, I did the Pyramids, You did the bungee jumping, I did the snakes and I did the language in the mountains.
[She puts one hand on her hip, smirking with her chin raised challengingly as she holds the papers out to him again. He takes them, his face dazed.]
Sandor, stunned - You.. carried me to the finish.
[Sansa drops her hands, tilting her head as she looks at him affectionately.]
Sansa, proudly - You’re welcome, Princess.
[Sandor grabs the front of her shirt, pulling her towards him, his mouth landing on hers immediately. She opens her lips up to him, putting her hands on his shoulders and jumping, wrapping her legs around his waist. His hands come under her ass, supporting her as he walks forward, her back thumping against the brick wall roughly. He kisses her hungrily, his hands gripping her ass as he presses her into the wall, his body flush against hers. She moans, bucking her hips against him as she tilts her head, pulling him closer to her with her hands on the back of his neck, her fingers in his hair.]
[Camera cuts to the Guard as he looks at them, his mouth agape, eyes wide.]
Guard, astonished - You guys! This is a RELIGIOUS INSTITUTION! You can’t...have sex against the wall!
[Sandor groans as he pulls away from her, smiling easily as he looks at her. Sansa’s lips are swollen, red. Her eyes are half-lidded, a lazy smile on her face.]
Sansa, teasing - That was not proper Princess behavior, my Lady.
[Sandor laughs, his eyes running over her face before his smile disappears. He swallows thickly, his eyes dropping down to the hollow of her throat as he speaks.]
Sandor, genuine - I’m sorry. For assuming it was you.
[Sansa leans forward, kissing him simply on the mouth.]
Sansa - You’re forgiven. Now put me down and go do this task quickly. I didn’t carry you all this way for us to lose.
[Sandor huffs a laugh as he sets her down, tilting her chin up to kiss her again before he walks over to the clue papers he dropped, picking them up. They both carry their bags over to the stone bench Melisandre is waiting on, Sansa waving kindly to her. Sandor sets his bag down at her feet, kissing her quickly before he turns to enter the Godswood, reading the instructions as he jogs. Melisandre smiles at Sansa, her eyes knowing.]
Melisandre - Passions of the flesh are often the windows into your true being.
Sansa, tilts her head, thinking for a moment before she shrugs, not disagreeing.
[Camera cuts to a view inside the Godswood. We see Davos standing in front of a board, placing a photo up on it. He shakes his head, muttering to himself as he removes it, the noise of velcro pulling apart loud in the mic. He places it in another spot, nodding before he walks quickly to a path in the plants, disappearing.]
[Camera follows Sandor as he stuffs the instructions into his pocket, jogging towards a clue box at the beginning of a path. He opens the lid, reaching in and flipping through the photos. He pulls out a photo of the Ruins of Oxcross and the Andalos Mountains, smiling briefly at the mountain photo as he closes the box lid, jogging further into the gardens.]
[Camera pans over to Davos, carrying a photo of Fort Mazdhan as he comes out of a path. He walks over to the board, placing it in the correct spot before heading into another path.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he jogs down a path, a clue box up on the right. He opens the lid, flipping through the contents, pulling out a photo of elephants, a photo of camels, and a photo of Fort Mazdhan before closing the lid and moving on.]
[Camera cuts to Davos as he walks down a path, a photo of camels in his hand. He walks quickly back to the Boards, missing a partially hidden path. Camera pans over to a clue box obscured from view behind some large foliage that Davos missed.]
[Camera cuts to the Boards as Brienne enters the Godswood, still in the wildling pants but her tops layers stripped off, down to a plain white tank top. Davos nods to her as he puts up a photo of camels, turning and walking back into the garden quickly. Brienne sighs, dropping the instructions in front of an empty board, turning to jog towards a path.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor, his arms full of a stack of photos as he opens another clue box. He peers inside, flipping through the photos and removing a photo of snakes, smiling to himself as he adds it to the top of the stack. He removes a photo of the Surströmming, gagging as he places that one face down on top of the stack. He closes the lid, placing his free hand on top of the stack as he jogs down the path. He turns around a bend, stopping to backtrack, turning instead down a partially hidden path. He finds a box at the end, flipping it open and removing a photo we can’t see. He adds it to the stack, muttering ‘fuck yeah’ as he puts his free hand on top of his stack again, running back down the path and out to the Boards.]
[Camera cuts back to a center view of the boards. Sandor runs up to the closest empty one, looking down to see Brienne’s instructions on the ground. He growls, moving around to the other empty one. He dumps all his photos on the ground, kneeling down to sift through them.]
[Camera cuts to Davos as he adds a sheep photo to his board, nodding to Sandor before he turns back into the gardens.]
[Sandor stands, quickly putting two photos on the board before kneeling back down, and grabbing two more, standing and putting them up.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne as she jogs through the garden, her hands full of photos squished against her chest. She stops at a box, opening it and flipping through the photos, pulling out three we can’t see and holding them under her armpit as she closes the lid, running to the next box, her face focused.]
[Camera cuts out to the stone bench, our frame centered on Melisandre, Sansa and Tormund all sitting together. Tormund is in Sandor’s underwear, a leather and fur wildling vest and a pair of boots. Sansa looks over at Tormund, trying to keep a straight face.]
Sansa, amused - So.. forgot to bring your other clothes with you, huh?
[Tormund looks down at the ripped and dingy dress at his feet, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his chin resting in his hands.]
Tormund, glumly - I was too excited to think it through.
[Sansa rubs his back sympathetically.]
Sansa, understanding - A good dress will do that to you.
[Tormund and Melisandre both nod, Melisandre smiling as she runs her hand across her costume dress, still in pristine condition.]
[Camera cuts back to the Boards, all team members standing in front of their board.]
[Davos stands in front of his board, rubbing his chin as he stares at the one empty spot. He snaps his fingers, muttering ‘Melisandre’ as he walks quickly back into the garden.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor as he stands in front of his board, holding two photos in his hands, his brows furrowed deeply.]
Sandor, confused - That doesn’t make any fucking sense. We kissed Leg 4, not 3. [He holds up the photo of the Omboro Cave to the board, looking at it again.] Oh, fuck me. [He holds both photos with one hand, reaching with his other hand to move Fort Mazdhan over to ‘Leg 3’, putting up Omboro Cave and the lobster photo in their correct spots.] Fucking dumbass. [He looks around the cleared area.] Uh, judge? Where the fuck is the judge?
[Camera pans over to a short, older man, his hands clasped behind his back as he walks over to Sandor’s board.]
Judge - Hello, my name is Ae-
Sandor, interrupting - Yeah, that’s great, can you just look at my board and tell me I’m good to go so I can get my fucking clue?
[The Judge wrinkles his nose at Sandor, turning to face him.]
Judge, indignantly - Young man, I’ll not have you speak those filthy words in this Religious Institution! I have worked here for thirty-five years and I will not be spoken to in that way!
[Sandor sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers, muttering ‘if one more person says fucking religious institution’. He takes a deep breath, raising his head up with a snooty smile on his face.]
Sandor, imitating Sansa - I would never. I merely described an animal. [He pauses, thinking.] I won’t let you sully the likes of me.
[Brienne snorts in the background as she places a photo up on her board, turning around briefly to shake her head at Sandor. Sandor narrows his eyes at her, gesturing for her to turn back around to her board, smiling widely when the Judge turns to look up at him, blinking confusedly.]
Judge, befuddled - That doesn’t make any sense, [He eyes Sandor.] but your tone is better so I’ll look at your board.
[Sandor doesn’t say anything, just nods as he follows the Judge over to his board.]
[The Judge looks his board over slowly, taking his time to look at each photo. Sandor sighs behind him, crossing his arms against his chest and raising his face to the sky, his jaw clenched tight. After a moment, the Judge steps back, opening his blazer up and pulling a yellow envelope from the inside pocket. He holds it out to Sandor.]
Judge - Now, I would say you have a thing or two to learn about resp-
[Sandor snatches the clue from him, jogging towards the Godswood Entrance.]
Sandor, over his shoulder - K, fucking great, thanks.
[The Judge sputters, looking over at Brienne, his face outraged.]
Judge - I say! I have never been so disrespected in my life!
[Brienne sighs sympathetically, putting her hands on her hips.]
Brienne - Honestly, you might have to write that one off as a lost cause.
[Camera cuts to the bench as Sandor runs out of the Godswood, yelling Sansa’s name. She stands, smiling widely as she turns to him, picking up her bag and putting it on.]
Sansa, thrilled - You’re first out?! Oh my gods, Sandor!
[Sandor leans down, grabbing his bag and putting it on as he hands the envelope over to her.]
Sandor, teasing - Hey, I’m not just a pretty face.
[Sansa laughs, smacking him lightly in the stomach. She gestures to the envelope as she bends down, grabbing her bag and putting it on. Sandor nods, ripping open the envelope as they both start walking into the Red Keep.]
Sansa - Route Info.
[Camera cuts to an aerial view of the Red Keep. We see a minuscule figure waving faintly from a high window on a tower.]
[Camera cuts to an interior room, Petyr turning from the window towards the camera.]
Petyr - The Tower of the Hand is one of the tallest towers in the Red Keep and, as the title suggests, it was once home to the Hand of the King, a public servant who advised and executed the will of the King. Now, it is used for a gravity-defying stunt for visiting tourists wanting a thrill unlike any other in Westeros.
[Frame cuts to footage from a previous season of The Westerosi Race. A man is hanging from a rope on the side of a tower. He slides a metal ascender up a rope with his hand, using both arms to pull himself up, inching his way up the rope to the top of the tower. It looks exhausting. Camera cuts back to Petyr in the room.]
Petyr - Teams will use ascenders to climb from this window [He gestures behind him.] to the top of the Tower of the Hand. This Season, we’re taking it easy on the teams and giving them two ascenders, one for each hand. [He smiles maliciously.] Teams will need to find their way to this room, which will be difficult to do when they learn employees and staff of the Red Keep have been instructed not to help them with directions. The teams may ask tourists visiting the castle for help, running the risk of getting incorrect information. Once team members exit this window and reach the top of the Tower, they will receive their next clue.
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor. Sansa’s eyes are wide and Sandor is wincing as he stuffs the papers back in the envelope. Sansa blinks repeatedly as she speaks.]
Sansa, calmly - Ok.. ok. Let’s just focus on finding the room first before I freak out about climbing outside of one of the tallest towers that’s ever existed and falling to my death, ok?
[Sandor looks down at her, his face worried. He nods, grabbing her hand as they run into the main part of the Red Keep, disappearing from the frame.]
[Camera cuts to Davos, walking around the gardens, his face frustrated. He goes up to a box, opening the lid and looking inside. He flips through the photos, frowning as he slams the lid shut, walking further down the path.]
[Camera cuts to the Boards as Brienne puts her last photo on.]
[She turns around, waving to the Judge. He nods, walking over to her with his hands clasped behind his back.]
Judge, surprised - Oh! You’ve done it differently.
[Brienne frowns, leaning down to pick up the instructions, scanning them quickly.]
Brienne, defensively - It doesn’t say what order to do it in. [She looks up, frowning at the board.] We saw the animals before we did the Pit Stop.
[The Judge claps his hands together, his face joyful.]
Judge - Oh, so logical! And thoughtful! This is wonderful! [He opens his blazer, pulling out a clue and handing it over to her.] What a fine young maiden you are! You’ll make a wonderful wife to a lucky man, someday! Maybe raise some children for him, hmm? [He raises his eyebrows at her expectantly.]
[Brienne furrows her brows as she looks down at her clue, her mouth curling up with disgust. She takes a deep breath, relaxing and smiling widely to the Judge as she looks back up.]
Brienne - I’m actually with someone now, would you like to meet him?
Judge, ecstatic - Oh, I would be delighted! I bet he is just an upstanding moral citizen to have earned your favor.
[Brienne nods as she walks with the Judge over to the Godswood Exit.]
Brienne - That’s exactly how I would describe him, yes.
[Camera cuts to Davos in the garden, huffing as he walks down a path. He stops, backtracking a few steps. He pushes aside huge leaves from a large plant, sighing as he walks down the partially hidden path. He walks up to the box, opening it and pulling out the last photo inside. He looks at it, smiling sadly as he closes the lid and walks back to the Boards. Camera follows him as he walks up to his board, placing the last photo in the correct slot. He stands back, his hands on his hips as he looks at the Temple of R’hllor photo.]
[Camera cuts to Melisandre waiting on the bench alone. She smiles softly to herself, standing and turning as Davos comes out of the Garden. He looks at her, his face knowing.]
Davos, resigned - We weren’t meant to win, were we?
[Melisandre shakes her head, smiling sadly.]
Melisandre - Our victories come in other ways.
[Davos nods, humming as he looks down at the ground. He sighs, holding up the envelope in his hand.]
Davos, positively - Well, there’s no shame in finishing strong. Shall we?
[Melisandre smiles happily, nodding as she gestures for him to open it.]
[Camera cuts to a giant room, a line of people standing, waiting to take their photo on a throne made from melted swords. Sansa and Sandor jog through the doorway, both cringing at the throne.]
Sandor - Holy fuck, the replica is even worse than the original.
[Sansa nods, shuddering as she looks around the room. She pulls Sandor’s hand, gesturing for them to leave.]
Sansa - C’mon, this room freaks me out. I actually think the stairs are right around the corner.
[Sandor nods, following her out of the room. Camera follows behind them down a hallway and around the corner to a wide set of stairs. Sandor raises his eyebrow, his face impressed as they both jog up the stairs, their bags bouncing heavily on their backs.]
Sandor - Well, look at you. How’d you know?
Sansa - Oh, I came here once on a school field trip when I was like 13.
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund walking down an ornate corridor. Brienne shakes her head, frowning as she walks behind Tormund.]
Brienne - No, Tormund, this isn’t right. This doesn’t even look like the same castle.
Tormund, disagreeing - It’s just off because this is the new part they built after it all burned down. That lady said the room we needed was this way!
Brienne, incredulous - Tormund, we haven’t even gone up any stairs!
[Camera cuts to the interior room Petyr was in, Sansa and Sandor jogging through the open door, both panting. There are two attendants there, holding harnesses by the windows.]
Sandor, relieved - Oh, fuck. We found it.
Sansa, dismayed - Oh, farts. We found it.
[Sandor laughs, shaking his head at her.]
Sandor - You know the jig is up, right? You've cursed. I've heard. And not even in the 'heat of.. [His voice trails off when he looks down at her face. Sansa is staring wide-eyed out the windows.]
Sansa, panicked - Sandor.
[Sandor sighs, turning towards her, pulling her body into his chest as he wraps his arms around her. An attendant walks up to them, holding two harnesses. Sansa turns her face away from him, hiding in Sandor’s chest. Sandor huffs a laugh, rubbing her back under her bag. The Attendant frowns, looking out the windows.]
Attendant - If she doesn’t like the water view, we have other windows around the tower. There are some that show the city - they’re so high above everything that you feel like you’re all the way in space!
[Sansa whimpers, the noise muffled in Sandor’s chest. Sandor glares at the attendant, his jaw tight. The Attendant shrinks back.]
Attendant, hesitantly - So.. we’ll do the water one?
[Sandor nods as the frame widens, Melisandre and Davos walking into the room, both smiling pleasantly. Another attendant walks up to them, gesturing to three sets of windows.]
Davos, unbothered - Oh, ah.. How about the city side? [He looks to Melisandre, who nods. Davos looks back to the attendant.] Can’t beat this view. [He, Melisandre and the Attendant all walk over to the third set of windows.] Although, I will say the new glass elevator they’ve installed gave us a pretty good thrill.
[Sandor looks up at Davos, his face incredulous.]
Sandor, disbelieving - There’s an elevator?!
[Camera cuts to a narrow, curved stairwell. Brienne is leading, shaking her head and smiling as she jogs up, passing the camera quickly. Tormund is behind her, his face gleeful as he skips up each step, swinging his bent arms back and forth tightly next to his body.]
Tormund, singing happily - We found some stairs, we found some stairs, we found some stairs, we found some st-
[Frame cuts to a slightly fuzzy view from a camera attached to a pole on Sansa’s helmet, angled down towards her face. Our view switches back and forth between her and Sandor’s helmet, based on who is speaking. Our frame jostles as Sansa shakes her head, her eyes shut tight as she stands on the window sill, her hands gripping two ascenders, each connected to their own rope, and her harness attached to a separate safety rope.]
Sansa, panicked - Sandor! I can’t do this!!
[Sandor looks at her from his window next to hers.]
Sandor, encouragingly - You can, Sansa, you do fucking yoga!
[Sansa scoffs, opening her eyes to glare at Sandor.]
Sansa - That is NOT funny, Sandor!
[Sandor laughs, leaning down to wrap the rope around his foot.]
Sandor - Sansa, look, just focus on using your thighs. I know those are plenty strong. [He wiggles his eyebrows at her. She continues glaring at him and he smiles.] Wrap the rope around your foot and put your feet together to step up. You’ll be solid, just using your arms for balance.
[Sansa shakes her head, closing her eyes again. Sandor sighs, looking over at the other sets of windows. The set next to them is empty. Davos and Melisandre are at the third set of windows, standing inside the tower, looking out into the city over their shoulders, their attendant still attaching their ropes. Davos is smiling, pointing at something through the window in the city. Melisandre smiles, nodding.]
[Sandor looks back to Sansa, her eyes pinched tight again.]
Sandor, quietly - Sansa, I swear I won’t let you won’t fall to your death.
[Sansa opens her eyes, looking at him, her face worried. After a moment she nods reluctantly, swallowing thickly. Sandor smiles at her, his face proud as he looks over to the Attendant.]
Sandor, hurriedly - Can you hold onto her rope, take the slack out so she stays facing the tower?
Attendant, unsure - Uhh.. we were told not to really help you guys.
[Sandor clenches his jaw, gesturing to Sansa.]
Sandor, growling - She’s fucking terrified, you cu-[he clears his throat, looking over at Sansa. He takes a deep breath, his voice calmer but still gruff.] She’s fucking terrified, and you aren’t helping her up, just making it so she doesn’t fucking swing around.
[The Attendant sighs as he pulls Sansa’s safety rope tighter, nodding to her when it’s tight. Sansa smiles gratefully at him, her face still nervous as she moves an ascender up the rope. Sandor reaches over, wrapping the rope around her foot. She nods as she puts her feet together and stands, pushing her body up easily, lifting both ascenders high up on the ropes. She looks at Sandor, slightly more confident as she holds onto the ascenders tightly and raises her lower body up, moving her foot in a loop up as she inches up on the ropes. Sandor smiles, following beside her easily, staying at her pace.]
[Camera cuts over to an interior camera view, Davos and Melisandre standing on the windowsills in their harnesses, focused on the Attendant as he explains how the ascenders work. Camera swivels over to the door when we hear loud footsteps, Brienne and Tormund running into the room, both panting and sweaty with big smiles on their faces.]
[Camera cuts back to Sansa and Sandor as they clear the tops of the windows. Sansa is working slowly but steadily, her eyes focused on the wall in front of her as she rhythmically steps up, then moves the ascenders up, gripping them and pulling her legs up. Sandor is beside her, watching her progress up the tower, inching up when she does. He looks down, seeing Brienne and Tormund sitting on the window sills, getting ropes attached to their harnesses.]
Sandor, hurried - Fuck Sansa, we gotta move. The Brawns are here.
[Sansa laughs humorlessly, eyes focused on the ascenders as she moves them up the ropes.]
Sansa, matter-of-fact - Well, I only have one speed. Slow and steady prevents my death.
[Sandor looks back down at Brienne and Tormund, both swinging out of the windows, the attendant giving them a thumbs up to go ahead. Sandor mutters ‘fuck’, looking over at Sansa.]
Sandor, hurriedly - Do you trust me?
[Sansa furrows her brows, confused, still facing the wall.]
Sansa - Of course I trust you, [She stands up, her face grimacing as she uses force to lift her body. Her eyes are focused up on her hands, moving the ascenders up.] but that’s not going to make me climb faster. I am physically going at top speed. [She laughs humorlessly again.] Frankly, we should be happy I’m even climbi- [She looks over at Sandor, her face nervous.] What are you doing?
[Camera cuts to Sandor’s helmet as he leans down, unwrapping the rope from his foot. His body is spinning slightly, and he sticks a foot out against the wall to steady himself. Sansa is looking at him, eyes wide.]
Sansa, panicked - Sandor, what are you going to do? [She grips her ascenders, holding them close to her chest, her knuckles white.]
Sandor, calmly - Put your feet against the walls, like this, [he gestures to his feet flat against the tower.] and be ready. [He looks up, gripping his ascenders as he raises one on the rope, pulling his entire body weight up while raising the other, pulling his body up again. He continues this steady pace, not stopping as he climbs the tower rapidly, Sansa calling after him as she watches him go up.]
Sansa, angry - SANDOR CLEGANE! I DON’T LIKE WHATEVER IT IS YOU’RE ABOUT TO DO!
[Sansa looks to her left, Brienne and Tormund whizzing by, both of them climbing with their arms, not even needing to use their feet, Brienne slightly ahead of Tormund.]
Brienne, teasing - I think all your skipping wore you out, Tormund!
[Tormund grunts, laughing briefly before he grimaces, quickening his pace as he tries to catch up to Brienne.]
[We cut to Sandor’s camera as he stands at the top of the tower, leaning out of a window with his hands cupped around his mouth, yelling down at Sansa.]
Sandor - SANSA! GET READY!
[Sansa whimpers loudly, her face distraught as she wiggles her foot, making the rope fall off of it. She frowns deeply, hanging in her harness as she puts her feet up on the tower. She looks up at Sandor, whimpering again as she waits, clinging to the ascenders.]
[Camera cuts to Sandor’s helmet as he smiles. An attendant is standing in the corner by the window, looking at Sandor with wide eyes. Sandor yells down to Sansa again.]
Sandor - START WALKING!
[From Sandor’s camera, we see Sansa look up, her face furious as she shrieks ‘WHAT?!’. He laughs, grabbing her safety rope, flexing his fingers around it. He leans back, putting one foot against the wall as he pulls her rope with both hands, slowly at first. He yells out the window again.]
Sandor, loudly - SANSA! YOU GOOD?
[We switch to Sansa’s camera, her hands clinging to her ascenders, useless now in her hands as the ropes attached to them bunch in her lap as she ascends, walking her feet up the tower wall. We hear her muttering a mantra of “I hate this, I hate this, I hate this” over and over. She stops her mantra briefly to yell up at Sandor.]
Sansa, angry - GO FASTER SO I CAN KILL YOU!
[Camera switches to Sandor’s as he laughs, pulling on the rope faster. We see his muscles flex as he smoothly pulls the rope in towards his chest, hand over hand, never stopping.]
[Camera cuts to our normal frame, over to Brienne as she smiles at the Attendant waiting by her window, putting her foot on the windowsill, panting. She jumps down inside the room, handing the Attendant her ascenders still attached to their ropes with a smile on her face. She unclips her helmet, handing that to the Attendant, too.]
[Camera zooms out to show Tormund climbing into his window, a wide grin on his face as he jumps down into the room, taking his helmet off and handing everything over to the Attendant by his window.]
Tormund, cheerfully - In a year, we’ll come back here and I’ll best you then, Island Woman.
[Brienne laughs, walking over to Tormund, putting her hands on the back of his neck and bending down, kissing him. He puts his hands around her waist, pulling her body against his as he groans. The Attendants stand there, looking at them, unsure.]
Attendant - Um.. we still need to take your harnesses off?
[Camera pans over to Sandor as he grunts, pulling the rope up still. We see Sansa’s hand slap down angrily on the windowsill.]
Sansa, angry - SANDOR! Pull me inside NOW!
[Sandor winces, putting his foot back on the ground, holding the rope tight. He gestures to the Attendant, who jolts into action, coming to his side and holding onto the rope, tightening his grip when Sandor looks at him, narrowing his eyes.]
Attendant, shaking his head - I won’t let it fall.
Sansa, off-camera - SANDOR! WHAT THE HELL?!
[Sandor steps over to the window quickly, grabbing Sansa’s free hand and harness, using both to lift her inside. She sits on the windowsill, wrapping her arms around his neck as she falls forward onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist tightly, Sandor wincing slightly as their helmets ‘konk’ against each other. He wraps his arms around her back, laughing as she squeezes her arms around his neck tighter.]
Sandor, wheezing - Baby, I can’t breathe.
[Sansa leans back, her face surprised and pleased. She smiles at him, and Sandor returns it, his face happy. Sansa leans forward, tilting her head to brush her lips against his once, twice, slowly, before hugging him again, dropping her legs from his waist. He lowers her down and the Attendant goes to Sansa, helping get her harness off first as Sansa unclips her helmet. Sandor unclips his helmet, looking over at Brienne and Tormund to see them reading their clue.]
Sandor - Fuck, Sansa!
[Sansa looks over, noticing Brienne and Tormund. Her eyes widen as she turns back to the Attendant, speaking quietly to him. He nods, reaching over to a table and handing her a yellow envelope. Sandor is at her side, his harness and helmet all off as she hands him the envelope, still getting her harness off. Sandor rips it open, pulling out the paper and reading.]
Sandor - Route Info.
[Sandor opens the blue paper, his brows furrowing.]
Sandor - “Make your way to the place where The Targaryens kept their pets long ago. This is it, Go, Go, Go”
[Sansa comes to his side, her eyes wide.]
Sansa, excited - Oh my gods, Sandor, this is the Finish Line. [They look up at each other, both excited as they take off at a run through the office.]
[Camera pans across the room to show Sansa and Sandor following behind Brienne and Tormund, both teams exiting from the office out into a hallway. Brienne and Tormund turn left, running towards the wide stone steps. Sandor turns to follow until Sansa pulls on his arm towards the right. Sandor nods at her and they both run down the hallway in the opposite direction.]
[Frame cuts back to Davos’s camera as he hangs from the rope outside the tower. He’s massaging his biceps, grimacing as he reaches back up, taking an ascender in his hand and pulling himself up, working hard and steadily.]
[Frame cuts to Melisandre’s camera as she works quietly next to him, stopping when Davos needs a break with him, smiling as she enjoys the view of the city.]
[Camera cuts to the bottom of the tower, Sansa and Sandor exiting a glass elevator. Sansa’s face is gray as she holds one hand over her stomach, Sandor looking over at her, smiling. Sansa stops walking, gasping loudly.]
Sansa - Sandor! Our bags! We left them up there!
Sandor, hurried - Oh fucking well. When we win, I’ll buy you twelve bags.
Sansa - Well, that’s just obscene. Eleven will do.
[They smile at each other as they jog towards the Red Keep exit.]
[Camera cuts to Brienne and Tormund as they jog down a wide stairway side by side, Brienne nodding politely to tourists who move out of their way. Tormund looks over at her.]
Tormund - Do you still have our map of the city?
[Brienne reaches into her pocket, holding it up for him to see. Tormund grins widely, jogging faster to keep up with Brienne.]
[[Director’s cut Outtakes - Camera cuts to the Dragonpit. The production team and past contestants from this season are all standing around, waiting. Petyr is whining loudly from the stage from a chair under a canopy, demanding coconut water to replenish his electrolytes. Lyanna steps up on the stage, using a megaphone to address the crowd. “Ok, guys, we just got word that the final two teams are on their way, we need to go ahead and get into position. I would like my past contestants to go ahead and get next to your teammate from the show, forming two lines by the stairs so the incoming teams can run up through an aisle of all the teams they defeated, ok?” Arya groans, looking at Jon standing next to her. “Does she have to phrase it like that? Sansa didn’t defeat me, the rapids momentarily got the best of me.” She rolls her eyes, as Gendry puts his arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple while he pulls her over to their spots next to Podrick and Tyene. Cersei walks up to Jon, looking him up and down lewdly. “Well, I think I found my partner.” Jon looks at her, his eyes shifting nervously as he takes a step back. He smiles politely. “Uhh, actually, I think we’re supposed to stand next to the partners we had in the show.” Cersei looks at him, her face confused. Jon looks over at Ygritte, who shrugs. Cersei sneers at Ygritte, only now noticing her. “Oh, I see. You’ve already got a partner.” She looks back at Jon, stepping closer to him and speaking quietly. “That’s a shame. I could’ve really taught you some things to do with that morose little mouth of yours.” Cersei walks away as Jon and Ygritte look at each other. Jon grabs Ygritte’s hand, his face terrified. “Please don’t leave my side.” Ygritte laughs, pushing him over to their place.]]
[Camera cuts to Sandor and Sansa as they stand in the middle of a stairway alley. Sansa puts her hands on her hips, looking down one end of the alley, Sandor looking down the other, both panting.]
Sansa - Does any of this look familiar to you?
Sandor, scoffing - All of it looks familiar. We’ve been all around this fucking city.
[Sansa raises her eyebrows, looking down the alley with a sardonic look on her face.]
Sansa, pointedly - Yeah, well, it sure would be nice if we had our map.
[Sandor puts his hands on his hips, turning around to face her.]
Sandor - Hey, I didn’t realize our map was in your bag, ok? You can’t throw that in my face.
[Sansa sighs, rubbing her hands on her face. She puts her hands down, turning to face him.]
Sansa, genuine - You’re right, I’m sorry. We’re just.. [she sighs.] so close.
[He turns away from her, his face hard as he squints to look down another alley.]
Sansa, sighing - We’ll just stop and ask someone. It’s not like the Dragonpit will be hard to find once we figure out where we are.
[He nods, turning to her. She smiles up at him, her face unsure. He sighs, reaching his hand out to her. She smiles genuinely then, taking his hand as they both start jogging down the stairs.
[Camera cuts to the gate at the Red Keep, Brienne and Tormund exiting. They pause for a moment, both of them looking at the map. Tormund gestures down a road and Brienne nods, both of them jogging, weaving in between people walking.
Tormund, hopeful - Hey! Maybe we can just take a small detour to that one place with the doughnuts? I was thin-
Brienne, sternly- No, Tormund! We need to focus!
[Tormund wilts, his face sad as he jogs quietly next to her. She looks over at him, sighing as she bumps his arm with her elbow.]
Brienne - We’ll get you a doughnut after, I promise.
[Tormund grins, perking up again and jogging faster as he whistles the theme song to the Westerosi Race, his eyes focused.]
[Camera cuts to Sansa and Sandor, Sansa’s eyes lighting up as she points down an alley.]
Sansa, relieved - Sandor, look!
[Camera pans to show the corner bodega where they got their pitas. They both turn, running in that direction, their faces hopeful.]
Sandor, panting - I think I know how to get to the pit now.
[Sansa looks over at him, smiling widely.]
[Camera cuts to a view of us running up the stairs, into the Dragonpit. There are teams on both sides of us, forming an aisle, clapping and cheering loudly. We see Petyr at the end up on a platform, looking at us proudly.]
[[Director’s cut - Bronn claps his hands together, leaning over to talk to Margaery as they watch the cameraman run down the aisle, no one behind him. “Now, why are we clapping for the cameraman again?” Margaery sighs, smiling widely, talking through her teeth. “Bronny, I told you, these are shots they need for when they edit the episode all together.” Bronn stops clapping, his brows furrowed. “So they’re going to put fucking footage of me clapping for whoever the winning team is?” Margaery nods her head, still clapping and smiling. Bronn scoffs, his face disgusted as he crosses his arms across his chest. “They have no fucking right! I’m only clapping if it’s Sandor and Sansa running up those stairs!” Margaery laughs, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek as she continues clapping for the cameraman. Lyanna steps up onto the stage, megaphone in hand as she addresses everyone. “Ok, people! This is it! One of the teams is approaching the Dragonpit, I need your best ‘happy loser’ faces, ok?”]]
[Camera cuts to a pair of boots running up the stairs, another set of feet following behind. Camera pans up, revealing a pair of Sandor’s underwear and a wildling vest, followed by the shocked face of Tormund, Brienne close behind, her eyes wide as they jog up the stairs onto the platform. Most of the past contestants are cheering, clapping loudly as Tormund turns around, waving at the other teams now gathered in a clump in front of the platform. Brienne’s face is dazed as she stares at Petyr, her hand reaching behind her, grabbing a fistful of Tormund’s vest, pulling him closer to her as he laughs. Petyr raises his hands and the teams all quiet down.
Petyr - After seven different countries, forty-nine thousand miles, and beating eight other teams here, Brienne and Tormund, you are the official winners of the Westerosi Race!
[Tormund grabs Brienne by her shirt, turning her around and pulling her towards him, crushing his lips to hers as the other teams cheer, even Bronn. Brienne wraps her arms around Tormund’s neck, pulling him closer. The teams all continue to cheer as they kiss. Brienne and Tormund finally break apart, Brienne’s face red, Tormund’s face proud and elated. They turn, arm in arm, facing the small crowd of people standing on the ground. Podrick is cheering loudly, bringing his fingers to his mouth to whistle above the noise. Ygritte is howling into the sky, her face flushed and happy. Brienne brings a hand to her forehead, tears in her eyes, overwhelmed. The teams quiet down when Petyr comes to her side, a hand on her shoulder as he talks to her.]
Petyr, loudly - Brienne, how are you feeling? Do you think all the little girls will resent you, their dream role model, for letting Tormund carry you through the Race?
[The teams all laugh, Podrick booing loudly as Tormund leans over into Petyr’s space, grinning widely.]
Tormund - I didn’t carry anything through the Race, except these nu-
[Camera pans away from Tormund over to the stairs as Sandor and Sansa run into the pit. Bronn cheers, whistling and clapping as everyone else joins in, cheering loudly as Sandor and Sansa jog up to the platform, their faces disappointed. They stand next to Brienne and Tormund, Sandor smiling sadly down at Sansa as she shrugs, looking up at him. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and she puts both of her arms around his waist, leaning into his chest. Petyr comes over to stand beside them, looking at Sansa.]
Petyr, loudly - Now, Sansa, how do you feel, coming in Second place on the Westerosi Race all because Sandor forgot your map?
Sansa, adamant - No! No, that’s not what caused us to get second at all! [She looks up at Sandor but he’s looking down at the platform, his jaw clenched tight, his face hard. She tugs his shirt until he looks at her.] I didn’t remember the map, either, I shouldn’t have put that on you. [She smiles up at him.] You literally pulled me up a tower today. You encouraged me to run through a pit of snakes even though I thought I couldn’t. You ate fish that made you turn green so we could stay in the Race. [She looks back at Petyr, her eyes hard.] We got on this mat together, both making mistakes and both excelling at different things, so don’t you dare ask me a stupid question like that again, Petyr Baelish. [She pokes him hard in the chest with her finger and Petyr steps back, his face hurt. He rubs his chest, sniffing as mutters ‘ow’, walking back to stand next to Brienne and Tormund, crossing his arms, pouting. Sandor looks down at Sansa, his face beaming with pride. Sansa looks up at him, lifting herself up on her toes, their lips meeting for a kiss. We hear Margaery shriek loudly, everyone else cheering, making Sansa laugh, breaking the kiss.]
Petyr, petulant - Fine. Since others don’t want to play nice, I’ll ask you this, Brienne, As the sole Heir to the Tarth Fishing Empire worth over thirty million dollars, what do you plan on doing with your half of the prize money?
[Camera pans over to the teams on the ground, all of their faces showing varying degrees of shock, Podrick nodding knowingly. Camera pans over to Sandor and Sansa as they stare at Brienne, their jaws agape. Camera comes back to Brienne and Tormund, Brienne smiling easily at Tormund, his arm around her waist, hugging her to him, returning her smile. Brienne takes in a breath, looking over at Petyr.]
Brienne - I’m actually going to donate it. [We hear Sandor groan off-camera.] Tormund has been telling me about this charity his cousin works with that helps empower young girls, teaching them wildlife skills and self-confidence. [Camera pans over to Ygritte, who beams up at Brienne and Tormund, howling loudly. Jon looks over at Ygritte, his face proud. Camera cuts back to Brienne and Tormund.] And there are other charities - I’ve heard of some great things coming out of the Iron Islands, a Greyjoy woman is working with young girls, teaching them about sailing and instilling leadership skills.
[Camera frame widens, including Petyr in the frame. He is staring at Brienne and Tormund, his face annoyed. Tormund clears his throat, looking pointedly at Brienne.]
Brienne, laughing - And I’m going to buy Tormund a doughnut. [She looks at Tormund, grinning. Tormund grins back at her and Brienne turns to him, hugging him with both arms as they laugh quietly, talking between just the two of them.]
[Camera cuts back to Petyr with his jaw clenched tight, seething as he stares at them. He walks past Tormund and Brienne, over to Sandor’s side.]
Petyr - Now, Sandor, I couldn’t help but notice you seem pretty unhappy when Brienne and Tormund were telling us their lovely, wholesome plans. [He raises an eyebrow to Sandor.] Do you support charities and young girls furthering their leadership skills?
Sandor, shrugging - Sure.
Petyr, narrowing his eyes - So, what’s the problem?
[Sandor clears his throat, looking out into the people on the ground, nodding his head.]
Sandor - Bronn and I just had plans, trying to get a business started. The money would’ve been nice.
Bronn off-camera - You were supposed to win, you cunt!
[Sandor rolls his eyes, turning to the crowd, Sansa tucked under his arm, into his side. Camera zooms out to show the small crowd as well as the people on the platform. Bronn is looking up at Sandor, smiling widely with Margaery at his side.]
Sandor, amused - I lasted longer than you, fucker!
Bronn - Yeah, and that’s the only time you’ll ever be able to say that!
Sansa, interjecting - Uhhhh.. I don’t know if that’s actually possible, Bronn.
[Margaery whoops loudly as Bronn laughs, Arya and Jon making disgusted faces. The crowd erupts into chaos as Sandor and Bronn heckle each other, Margaery screaming excitedly to Sansa while everyone else begins talking to each other loudly. Petyr walks off the platform over to Lyanna.]
Petyr, loudly over the noise - When is the third team showing up so I can go?
Lyanna - They should be pulling up any minute.
[Camera cuts to a taxi pulling up to the curb in front of the Dragonpit. Melisandre opens her door, exiting as Davos pulls the money out of his pocket, spreading it out in his palm.]
Davos, distracted - Uh, sorry, can you just read me the meter total?
Driver - Sure, pal. It’s forty dollars an-
Davos, amused - Fifty-three cents, right. I should’ve known. [He hands the driver the rest of his and Melisandre’s money, smiling to himself as he steps out of the car.]
[Camera cuts to inside the Dragonpit, the crowd cheering when Melisandre and Davos enter. They walk up on the platform, coming to stand next to Sansa and Sandor, everyone on the platform nodding to each other.]
[Camera cuts to Petyr as he walks quickly up on the platform.]
Petyr - Davos and Melisandre! Well, I think I can speak for us all when I say I’m shocked to say you guys have placed Third on the Westerosi Race! You guys must be so disappointed!
[Davos looks over at Melisandre, both confused. Davos looks back at Petyr, shaking his head.]
Davos - No, I don’t feel disappointed. [He looks over at Melisandre.] We had some of the best experiences. I honestly couldn’t have imagined a better trip. [He laughs, looking back at Petyr.] Well, of course, unless I could bring my beautiful wife and so- oh gods, Gendry. [He steps forward, looking out into the little crowd. He spots Gendry, standing with his arm slung around Arya’s shoulders, waving patiently at Davos.]
Gendry, teasing - Hi Dad, did you forget about me on your world travels?
[Davos laughs, walking quickly down the stairs of the platform, meeting Gendry, who had been walking towards the stairs. They hug each other happily, clapping each other on the back as they laugh, talking to each other excitedly.]
[Camera pans over to Petyr, who rolls his eyes, throwing his hands in the air.]
Petyr, whining - Why does no one want to finish their interview with me??
[Melisandre walks into the frame, looking at Petyr expectantly.]
Petyr - Ugh, not you.
- - -
“OK PEOPLE, THAT’S A WRAP!”
Sansa covered her ears as Production and contestants alike cheered loudly, hands raising in the air, celebrating a season of a job well done.
Sansa smiled, wrapping her arms around Sandor as she looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest. “Are you terribly disappointed?”
Sandor shrugged, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “I mean, yeah, a bit.”
Sansa nodded, agreeing as she looked down at the people grouped in front of the platform. “Well, I had fun.”
Sandor grinned down at her, his eyes playful. “Oh, had ? So that’s fucking it, then, huh?.”
Sansa sighed, smiling up at him. “I meant I had fun on the Race .”
Sandor hummed, running his thumb along the bottom of her jaw, his voice low. “So, are you still having fun?”
Sansa nodded, raising herself up on her toes, moving a hand to his shoulder, her mouth closer to his. “I agreed to tell you if I stopped.” She leaned up, pressing her lips to his lightly. “No change yet.”
Sandor hummed again, leaning down to kiss her fully as her arms came up to wrap around the back of his neck, her head tilting towards him.
“Uh, guys. Before you start that, I need you to sign off on your check.”
Sansa pulled back from Sandor, who groaned, unhappy. She smiled at him before turning to look over at Jojen standing next to them. He was holding out a clipboard, a small stack of plain white envelopes in his other hand. Sansa took the clipboard, eyes scanning it, her face confused.
“I’m sorry, Jojen, what’s this for? Checking what?”
Jojen shook his head. “No, didn’t you read your contract when you signed onto the show?” He looked at Sansa and Sandor, both of them shrugging. He rubbed his eyes, muttering why doesn’t anyone ever read the contract before he put his hands down, sighing. “Every contestant gets paid for appearing on the show, it’s part of the rules the Network makes us follow. So you get compensated for your time.”
Sansa looked up at Sandor, a slow smile appearing on her face. She looked back at Jojen, hopeful. “We’re getting paid?”
Jojen nodded, holding up the small stack of envelopes. “Yep, I can hand you your check as soon as you sign for it.” He gestured to the clipboard.
Sansa beamed at him. “Do you have a pen?”
Jojen nodded, reaching into his production bag around his waist and grabbing one for her. She took it eagerly, scanning the list for her name and signing next to it.
Sandor took the clipboard from Sansa, looking over at Jojen. “Do you know how much we get?” He looked down, eyes scanning the list, finding his name and signing.
Jojen nodded. “Actually yes, it’s a flat rate, the same every year. Second Place gets you $25,000.
Sandor’s eyes widened as he handed the clipboard back to Jojen. He looked down at Sansa, her eyes wide, a huge grin on her face. She squealed, jumping up and down happily, her hands grabbing Sandor’s arms. “Sandor! We get to split $25,000!!”
“Uh, no, actually. I meant you each get $25,000.” Jojen held out two plain white envelopes to them.
Sansa stopped bouncing, staring at the envelopes. “Holy shit.”
- - -
Varys knocked on the Network CEO’s door, not waiting for an answer before opening it and slipping into his office.
“Well? Who ended up winning?” The CEO looked up from his desk at Varys expectantly.
Varys walked over to his desk, putting a hand on his chest, his face the picture of shock. “Oh, now, I’m so hurt you stopped reading the memos I’ve been sending.”
The CEO smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Yes, well, I admit once my odds of seeing Cersei walk through a snake pit dropped down to zero, my interest did wane a bit.”
Varys scoffed, amused as he sat down in a chair. “As delightful as it would’ve been to see her in her natural habitat, even you don’t contain enough nepotism in the world to have kept her in the Race that long.”
Tyrion smiled, shrugging a shoulder. “A man can dream, anyway.”
Varys leaned back in the chair, his eyebrow raised as he looked down at his shirt, straightening it. “Petyr still holds me accountable for that little stunt, by the way, though I didn’t correct him." He looked up at Tyrion, his face bored. "Frankly it’s barely even fun messing with him anymore - the tiniest thing just spins him into a frantic tizzy.”
Tyrion hummed, placing his hand on a couple of photos laying on his desk. “Soon Petyr won’t be much of an issue. And then you’ll only have me around to torment.”
Varys hummed, his eyes full of mirth. “Too true.” He gestured down to the notepad Tyrion was writing on. “Any ideas for the big twist for next season?”
“Ah, yes.” Tyrion ran his finger down the paper, his eyes scanning the lines quickly. “So far my most likely option is Teams of Four.”
Varys crossed his arms across his chest, nodding. “What a logistical nightmare for me, thank you.”
Tyrion looked up, smirking at Varys. “Well, that’s why it’s my favorite.” He put the notepad down on his desk, bringing his hand up to rub his chin, his brows furrowed in thought. “Now, I had an idea, and I wanted your opinion.”
Varys leaned forward, his eyes gleaming as he smiled slowly.
Behind the Scenes Info for Episode Seven - (Our last one, you guys 😭)
1. All of the street photos of King’s Landing photos are from Old Town, Dubrovnik, Croatia, where they filmed most of the King’s Landing shots.
2. As far as I know, teams are always given money on each leg. (Although one time they were literally given $1, it was hilarious.) So the producers of the Westerosi Race are just being mean. (Meh heh)
3. 60 million tourists actually visit NYC every year, isn’t that bonkers?
4. To my knowledge, there haven’t been any theatre acting Detours on TAR, nor coin hunts around a city. I have seen theatre hunts, where teams have to search rows and rows of seats for a clue so..there’s that.
5. The beautiful King’s Landing map was drawn by artist Michael Gellatly. I only tainted his work by adding the stars, I’m sorry, Michael! Your map was perfect!
6. Davos and Melisandre are performing a scene from GoT Season 6, Ep 10. (There’s a very good clip of the scene on youtube, just search ‘Davos confronts Melisandre’) Obviously Carice van Houten is a wonderful actress who plays Melisandre so well..a talent she does not share with THIS Melisandre
7. The director is, of course, George R.R. Martin and his assistant/mouthpiece in my brain is played by Billy Eichner.
8. The King’s Gate is in Malta, where they filmed season one of GoT! (Fun fact!)
9. The large fountain where the dude with cool sunglasses is sitting is in Dubrovnik, it’s called Onofrios.
10. In Native American culture (Specifically Achumawi, Atsugewi, Miwok tribes, although I am not a member of any of these so if you are, please correct me!!) Kwahn (Silver fox) is regarded as a creator and wise leader. But Davos.. That assistant just thought you was a cutie, my friend!
11. The Spice Shop is actually from Sulaymaniyah, Iraq!
12. The only information I found regarding square mileage of King’s Landing is “it sprawls a couple miles’ (for reference, Manhattan in NYC is 2.3 miles wide, 13.4 miles long.) So .. would all this running be feasible in a (relatively) short time span? Sure. Would it be exhausting and hot and not very fun?? Uhhh..
13. Ok so, The Brawns and SanSan ran the same route collecting coins and I just wanted to mention this in case it bothered you. I handed that map to four different people and asked them what path they would take. Everyone went the same way! (Except one person picked ONE star differently, which I ignored for the sake of the story. 😁)
14. The Godswood tropical garden is actually in someone’s backyard, according to Pinterest.
15. The random corridor Brienne and Tormund walk down when they’re lost in the Keep is from Gloucester Cathedral in England. The spiral stairs they climb are at Convento de Cristo in Tomar, Portugal!
16. The man climbing the tower with the ascender is actually Cord, from TAR Season 16. He and his brother, Jet, are, by far, some of my favorite contestants ever!!
17. YOU GUYS. Did that Dragonpit photo look a little familiar? If it did..that’s because they filmed the Dragonpit scenes at the ‘snake pit’ I used for Dorne! Ha! I swear to the Seven I had no idea - I do my research for the chapters when the story is already wrapped and ready to go so I’m just learning this now. What are the odds?!
18. The contestants actually do get compensation for being on TAR, and Second place really does get $25,000! (although they have to split it, I decided to be nice.) Third gets $10,000 and it reduces per team all the way down to $1,500 (Hey, not bad!)
And that’s it, that’s the show! All we have left are the Epilogues! I’ve been wracking my brain, trying to figure out how to make it a totally different experience for you guys and I gotta say.. You’re in for a treat! I’m actually so excited that I’ll be posting them tomorrow so keep an eye out for it!!
Please review and leave me a thought or two, I would love to hear what you think!!
Chapter 8: Epilogues
Here you go! Epilogues in the form of publications from Westeros!
I've copied the text below certain ones with tiny print to ensure you don't miss a single detail. 😉
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
'FATHER & SON SPOTTED ON ANNUAL LAKE TRIP'
Davos Seaworth has recently become known as the ‘Father of Westeros’ due to his many endearing qualities, both on and off the screen, but we have recently learned of a new tradition that is sure to melt hearts everywhere - one he does with every son of his, every year! (cont. Pg. 3)
'BREAKING FREE- NEW BOOK RELEASED - HOW JAIME FREED HIMSELF FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP'
Jaime Lannister is known as many things - oldest son to television tycoon Tywin Lannister, brother to the new CEO of TLN Productions Tyrion Lannister, and twin of the Official Hot Mess known as Cersei Lannister. In his new book, Breaking Free, Jaime shares all - how he shed his family's expectations, escaped his mysterious former lover’s narcissistic possessiveness, and how he found new love when all hope seemed lost. (cont. Pg. 8)
'BRIENNE MEANS BUSINESS - STOP ASKING ME ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND AND ASK ABOUT MY COMPANY INSTEAD'
Brienne Tarth is laying down the law - she will no longer answer any questions about her love life! The business mogul, recently making the Highgarden Council’s Top Ten CEOs to Watch list (although a coveted point of recognition for any gender, it’s worth noting that Brienne was the only woman.) the infamously private winner of the Westerosi Race is tightening down on the press. “I understand that by being on the Race, I put myself in a position of public curiosity - and that’s what I wanted. I wanted to show girls and women alike that they can do anything a man can. But I am worth more than an inquiry about who I’m letting in between my legs at night.” Brienne says. (cont. Pg. 2)
'STARK ENTERPRISES - ARYA STARK OPENS MMA GYM'
Arya Stark has proven she’s a woman of little fear. She first came to the country’s public eye after receiving twenty-two stitches in the most recent season of the Westerosi Race. She also unashamedly lives with three people in Dorne, not denying the rumors that they are all lovers. Now, the Trail Blazer is setting her own rules again, (cont. Pg. 4)
As we hit the five year anniversary of what is now known as the ‘Season of Romance’ for the Westerosi Race, we thought we would check in on our favorite couples.
Ygritte and Jon were the first couple married, only a year after the season premiered. They now reside North of the Wall, having started their own kids foundation, SnowPack, to help foster independence and self-confidence in young children. They have two children of their own, Kit (2) and Rose, (6 months).
Little is known about Brienne and Tormund, given they both run their successful businesses from the heavily surveilled and guarded island of Tarth. (‘Tarth Fishing Enterprises’ and ‘Tormund’s ‘Nuts’, respectively) This photo was the only one recovered from our drone, which was shot down shortly before the wedding ceremony took place earlier this year. It is unknown if Brienne and Tormund have any children, although Tormund has been seen pushing a baby pram.
Undoubtedly fan’s favorite couple, Sansa and Sandor were married in the Andalos Mountain range two years after the show premiered. Not much is known about them as the couple has chosen to stay out of the public eye. We know they reside in the Westerlands at their home with their dog, Stranger, and their many sheep. There are rumors that Sansa is pregnant, although sources close to the couple refuse to comment.
*Sandor’s photo is from the Westerosi Race. We asked for a current photo of him and he replied, “Fuck off, you cunts.”
The newlyweds were unavailable for comment due to the fact that Margaery has recently given birth to twins, Jerome and Natalie - but stay tuned for next month’s exclusive photoshoot of the new Blackwater family members!
If there is any section you can't read, please let me know! Otherwise.. that's it for the Westerosi Race!!!
Thank you so much to everyone who has followed along and shared all of their thoughts on this crazy little show. I would love it if you shared one last review, even if it's just a small line to let me know you liked it! (I'm especially talking to you, silent readers!)
I've started writing my next SanSan story (of course, totally different from this one!) so I guess I'll see you guys again soon! 💛😂💛😂