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Beholding the GDPR: How the Magnus Institute Updated Its Privacy Policy for the Twenty-First Century And Only Caused One Nervous Breakdown In The Process

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From: p_lukas@yahoo.co.uk
To: Elias Bouchard
Date: 03 March, 2017 15:07

Subject: GDPR
Attachments: christopher_davies.pdf

Elias,

I trust this email finds you well.

I'm sure given your position you already know about the advent of the General Data Protection Regulation next year. Considering the sheer volume of personal and confidential data the Institute collects, I'm confident you're already taking steps to ensure you comply with the law. However, with the increased monetary fines for non-compliance, not to mention the potential reputational damage, the Lukas family wishes to be crystal clear that our continued investment is contingent upon the Institute taking its responsibilities with regards to privacy and confidentiality seriously.

One of my contacts has recently mentioned someone to me who I think would make a fantastic candidate for a Data Protection Officer to help you navigate this exciting new world and update your policies and procedures. I'm sure you wouldn't want anybody at the Institute to be accessing personal and confidential information that they shouldn't be. I've attached his CV.

Of course, I wouldn't dream of interfering with day to day running of the Institute, so if you've got a better candidate, feel free to hire them instead.

Kind regards,
Peter




From: Elias Bouchard
To: p_lukas@yahoo.co.uk
Date: 03 March, 2017 15:28

Subject: RE: GDPR

Ignoring your phone is extremely childish, Peter. I know you can hear it ringing.




From: Elias Bouchard
To: Group:InstituteAll
Date: 02 May, 2017 11:43

Subject: April monthly roundup
Attachments: baby.jpg

Hello to all Institute staff,

I hope yesterday's bank holiday has left you all refreshed and ready for another busy week.

I'm pleased to report that April was an excellent month for the Institute, and it's all down to the hard work that all of you put in. We had only three minor breaches in Artefact Storage - well under target. The West Library refurbishment continues on time and almost budget despite the discovery of a mysterious stain under the carpet which caused all who gazed upon it to scream. In addition, Hannah Morris is thrilled to announce the arrival of Eddie. He was born at 4.42am on April 29th and weighed 7lbs and 4ozs. Hannah has sent the attached photo of the latest addition to her family and her thanks for the card and the gift.

We can also welcome two new members of staff this month. To our Central and Operations team, Christopher Davies, our new Data Protection Officer joins today. Chris has come from working for the NHS, and will be helping us prepare for GDPR, which he will explain to us all in due course. I'm sure we're all looking forward to it. Basira Hussain meanwhile joined us last month from the police to work as an Archival Assistant. I hope you'll come along to the Green Dragon for Happy Hour this Friday to give them a warm Institute welcome. (Please note, there will be a two drink maximum per employee.)

Updates from the departments

  • Research: The team did an escape room followed by a meal and drinks two weeks ago as part of their ongoing team-building work, and they'd really recommend the whole experience. Getting to know your colleagues and seeing them in an out-of-work environment can be invaluable to improving working relationships.
  • Libraries: The annual audit is coming up, so Diana asks that if you have any books that you've taken home, you please bring them back to the Institute building.
  • Artefact storage: If anyone sees a cake tin (circular approx 30cm diameter, 15cm deep) decorated with images of kittens around the office, they should not touch it and should contact Artefact Storage immediately.
  • Intake & Customer Service: the Intake team would like to remind everyone that even if you are an experienced statement taker, please do not welcome members of the public into the Institute without following procedure. There is a 'Get Well Soon' card and collection for Gary at his desk, if anyone would like to sign it.
  • Archives: the Archives team are pleased to confirm that Jon has been formally ruled out as a murder suspect and is therefore no longer in hiding. We're all delighted to have him back. Tim S has also recently returned from a very exciting looking holiday in Malaysia - so be sure to check out his Instagram to see his adventures!
  • IT: the new version of our messaging client should now have been rolled out to everyone. You are now able to download this to your phones and use for calling as well as texts - and you should use this, rather than any third party applications for any Institute business.
  • Central & Operations: Sarah J would like to remind everyone that annual performance reviews are now overdue. Please book them in with your line reports, and send the completed documents to HR when you're done. W/c May 8th will also be Mental Health Awareness week so stay tuned for more information from HR on the subject.

That's all from me this month. I hope to see you in the public house on Friday.

Kind regards,

Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute


The Magnus Institute
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From: Martin Blackwood
To: Group:ArchivesAll
Date: 03 May, 2017 11:42

Subject: Team lunch?

Hi everyone,

I was thinking, I know going down the pub with Elias and everyone else is the last thing any of us want right now (especially since, you know, not all of us drink) (and also the murdering), but maybe we could go out on Friday for a team lunch instead? Doesn't have to be anything fancy. I just thought it might be nice to take a break from things for a bit, get out in the fresh air, you know.

Let me know what you think, or if there's anywhere you'd like to go!

Thanks,

Martin Blackwood
Archival Assistant


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Timothy Stoker
To: Martin Blackwood
Date: 03 May, 2017 11:45

Subject: RE: Team lunch?

For Christ's sake, Martin, stop pretending everything's normal around here. No, I'm not going on a "team lunch" and making friendly chit chat with our creepy stalker boss.

Tim Stoker
Archival Assistant


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Melanie King
To: Martin Blackwood
Date: 03 May, 2017 11:48

Subject: RE: Team lunch?

fuck OFF no chance i am not getting sucked into this hellhole

Melanie King
Archival Assistant


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Alice Tonner
To: Martin Blackwood
Date: 03 May, 2017 12:01

Subject: RE: Team lunch?

unsubscribe




From: Basira Hussain
To: Martin Blackwood
Date: 03 May, 2017 12:33

Subject: RE: Team lunch?

Look, Martin, it's a nice idea, and thanks for thinking of me. Believe it or not, inviting me to a pub when I don't drink alcohol is actually the most normal thing Elias has done (see: every white boss I've ever had). But I'm not sure just trying to do normal stuff like this is a normal job is the best idea.

Basira Hussain
Archival Assistant


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
your team lunch idea seems nice
it might be better if i don't go given, you know, things
but you can take my institute credit card to pay
16:04
It's fine, Jon, it's not going to happen anyway
16:11
why not?
16:12
Look, I was just trying to do something nice
And I thought maybe, just maybe
Since we're all on the same team
And now we know who the bad guy is
And it's not any of us
We could pull together for *five minutes*
And just maybe make sure we're ok
Or just smething
16:15
Im so sorry please just ignore me it's been a long day
16:17
I'm going to go to document storage i have some things to read see you tomorrow
16:20
wait martin
do you want a cup of tea?
16:20
what?
16:28
i was going to make some tea
and i wondered if you want one
?
because i was going that way anyway
and your tea cheers me up
and i have a spare hand after all
because i was going that way for myself
16:34
really?
all right. yeah. thanks
That'd be nice
Thanks
16:37
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From: Jonathan Sims
To: Michelle Langton
Date: 03 May, 2017 17:36

Subject: instant messenger

Hi Michelle,

How's IT going? New messenger app is working well. handy to have it on my phone as well as PC. now i can text elias cat memes at the weekend instead of being forced to login and use my email. I was wondering if one of the future versions might have the ability to recall messages? sometimes i type too quickly and make typos.


Jonathan Sims
Head Archivist


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Michelle Langton
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 04 May, 2017 09:18

Subject: RE: instant messenger

IT is good. It's been [4] days since our last someone's-accessing-spooky-porn-and-it-broke-the-network incident. How's the only team more hated than mine?

Glad to hear you're not on the run any more, although I was secretly hoping you did it. You owe me enough favours that I figured if you were a murderer, I could get you to bump off a few people to pay me back. Top of my list at the moment? People who request complex IT development work when they could type more slowly and solve their own problems.

Hope to see you at the pub on Friday and you can tell me all about your life of crime! :D

PS: I can't believe you know what a meme is.

PPS: 'typos', really? Do you think I was born yesterday. Do me a solid, Sims, and if I'm about to get embroiled in server logs for a HR investigation into a dick pic sent to the wrong person, let me know now so I can preemptively pick up some bleach for my eyeballs.


Michelle Langton
Head of IT Development


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Christopher Davies
To: Elias Bouchard; Group:DepartmentHeads
Date: 08 May, 2017 13:14

Subject: MEETING INVITE: GDPR introduction and department brainstorm (09 May, 2017 09:00-13:00)
Attachments: Agenda.doc

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the warm welcome to everyone I've met, and nice to 'e-meet' you to those I haven't! I'm looking forward to making your acquaintance properly! :-)

I know, I know - this subject line has got all of you groaning. A four hour meeting is a lot for me to ask! Especially from busy people such as yourselves. However, I really can't stress how important it is we get on the front foot with GDPR. We only have a year until it comes into force, and the Institute has thousands upon thousands of documents, recordings and video logs - many of which we have no idea what they contain. If we can't get a hold on this, yes there are monetary fines (up to millions of euros, I might add), but the damage to our reputation would be something we can't afford.

Proposed meeting agenda:

  • Icebreaker: just to warm everyone up and help us get to know each other a bit better! Be prepared to share: if you were a vegetable, what would you be, and why? And 2 truths - 1 lie (then everyone else has to guess the lie)
  • Intro to GDPR: just a few slides from me explaining what it is and why you should care
  • Breakout session: divide into a smaller groups to brainstorm how this impacts our specific departments
  • Share the results with the wider group
  • Tea break - there will be biscuits!
  • Group discussion: key priorities and next steps
  • Action plan: agree who's doing what by the next meeting and draw up a timing plan

If you let me know how you like your coffee, I'll make sure I've got a cup ready for you tomorrow morning, and I'll get some croissants and pastries in too. I'm hoping the time will fly by once you realise how important this stuff really is!

Kind regards,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
martin?
have you found any more leads?
breekon and hope?
or anything else?
it's urgent
13:20
Hi Jon
Sorry, I know it's urgent, but I am doing my best! It's a pretty cold trail!
13:24
I thought I was getting somewhere in Poole. You remember #9982211 was down that way? There were Yelp reviews about packages going missing or turning up in weird places, but I looked into the police reports and it looks like it was some dodgy local courier and a drug thing.
13:29
that might not be drugs
i'll go and check it out to make sure
if anyone comes looking for me tomorrow i'm out
13:31
Jon - I've just checked your calendar and you've got a four hour data protection meeting tomorrow morning. This sudden urge to go investigate a dead end wouldn't have anything to do with that, would it?
13:38
Jon you can't ignore me forever
13:49
hi martin
14:53
Hello Jon
14:54
having a good afternoon?
14:55
This enquiry into my wellbeing wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you've remembered I've still got your Institute credit card for that stationery order, and you need it to book train tickets for your spurious trip to Poole, would it?
14:58
this trip to poole might be nothing, yes
but we don't know that sitting here
and frankly i don't think it's any more 'spurious' than a 4 hour meeting with elias and the other dept heads is 'sprious' thank you very much
*spurious
15:00
I'm just saying, if you're not in tomorrow and *I* get pulled into this meeting, I'm never talking to you again.
15:03
if it's not spurious
i might need backup in case something happens
you could come along and bring files to read while i investigate?
i know some cafes along the beach you can wait in
and then if we finish early we'll grab some lunch and get back here for the afternoon
15:07
martin?
15:24
Yes
OK
I'll book us train tickets.
15:25
lifesaver!
15:25
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From: Christopher Davies
To: Group:InstituteAll
Date: 15 May, 2017 14:54

Subject: Magnus Institute CCTV policy
Attachments: CCTV_policy.pdf; CCTV_locations.pdf

Hi all,

One of the many exciting things you may not know about 'Personal Data' as defined under the law, is that images (both still and video) and audio recordings count. This includes CCTV recordings of both members of the public and Institute staff. We may have a right to collect and use CCTV footage - however, we have certain responsibilities around notification, storage and removal.

In light of this, I've attached our updated CCTV policy. I've also attached the full list of locations of CCTV cameras within the Institute building for your reference. There are four thousand, eight hundred and forty three in total.

Perhaps you might think this is a little excessive, but I've been assured by Elias that they are all essential to the Institute's security. If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
Hi Jon - are you around?
I've found something interesting in the file for #0022301
09:30
Jon?
09:48
Missed call from Martin Blackwood, 10:15
Missed call from Martin Blackwood, 10:38
Missed call from Martin Blackwood, 10:52
Missed call from Martin Blackwood, 11:03
text me when you see this please im worried youve been hurt by something
11:05
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From: Elias Bouchard
To: Martin Blackwood
Date: 16 May, 2017 11:11

Subject: Jon's absence

Martin,

As discussed, I expect to see you at departmental manager meetings until Jon reappears. Please liaise with IT to ensure his out of office message is switched on, and his phone redirects to yourself. I'm sure Jon wouldn't want his various contacts and colleagues to think he was being remiss in his duties.

Please do reach out if you require assistance during this time, as I will be acting as your line manager until Jon returns. I hope that while my management style may differ to his, you'll feel you can trul 'lean on me' in a crisis if need be. As we discussed, I am keen for the Archives to continue 'Business as usual'.

Kind regards,

Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO

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From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 19 May, 2017 10:45

Subject: AUTOMATED RESPONSE: OUT OF THE OFFICE: RE: Hi! And GDPR meeting!

I'm currently out of the office and unavailable to respond to your email. Please contact martinblackwood@magnusinstitute.ac.uk, who will assist you in my absence.

Thanks,
Jon


From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 19 May, 2017 10:43

Subject: Hi! And GDPR meeting!

Hi Jon,

I hope you're well! :-)

I understand from Elias things are rather busy in the Archives at the moment - always firefighting, he says, haha! With that in mind, it's hardly a surprise that we haven't even met yet. That being said, we really do need to pencil some time in our diaries to talk about our GDPR strategy. The Archives are a core part of the Institute's departments, with access to volumes of personal data stretching back - if I've been informed correctly - centuries.

I stopped by your office, but I understand from your team that you're currently unavailable, so I'll stick something in the diary for a couple of week's time for when you're back.

Have a good one!

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Elias Bouchard
To: Christopher Davies
CC: Sarah Jaspar
Date: 29 May, 2017 15:42

Subject: RE: Archival staff - personal data/stalking (?)

Chris,

Your alertness and dedication to the smooth running of the Institute does you proud. However, this issue has been resolved.

Kind regards,
Elias


From: Christopher Davies
To: Sarah Jaspar
CC: Elias Bouchard
Date: 19 May, 2017 10:43

Subject: Archival staff - personal data/stalking (?)

Hi Sarah,

Happy Friday! :-) I hope you've had a good week and are looking forward to the weekend. Anything nice planned?

I wanted to bring this to HR's attention - although from the sounds of things you hopefully already know. I was doing some GDPR training with Tim Stoker (amongst others) and after the session he raised with me that last year his line manager Jon Sims was stalking several members of his own department and institute staff (!). I can only assume this is a huge exaggeration on Tim's part, and from a data protection point of view, all I could really do is recommend to Tim that he locks his desk drawers (which he should be doing anyway) and makes sure is computer is password protected (ditto). I did assure Tim that Jon would also be attending data protection training at some point. My training doesn't exactly cover instances of stalking, however!!

I'm honestly not sure what to do with this one I'm afraid. I've yet to meet Jon Sims myself, as he seems to be out of the office a surprising amount for an Archivist. (I don't suppose you know when he's due back from his current leave of absence? His team are remarkably circumspect.) I did think you should know that there might be some inter-personal conflict going on, however.

Thanks,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Elias Bouchard
To: Group:InstituteAll
Date: 01 June, 2017 13:05

Subject: May monthly roundup
Attachments: monthlydashboard.pdf; researchgolf.jpg

Hello to everyone,

With the weather getting warmer and the evenings getting lighter, I hope you've all had a pleasant May and are looking forward to the summer months to come.

I've mentioned many times that I value receiving feedback from Institute employees, and one of the things that often comes up is transparency. The department heads and I have worked to produce the attached monthly dashboard. This shows how we are doing on our KPIs vs our targets. This shows our 60 core KPIs - including number of statements taken, verified, minor and major incidents, departmental expenditure vs budgets, etc. Everything is measured on a red/amber/green traffic light system. This will give you all a very real look into my mind: if it's mostly green, then rest assured I will be in a good mood! As you can see, May's is overwhelmingly amber, and as a result I will be meeting with individual department managers to discuss what we can do about that. I hope you all agree this increases transparency. Please do keep your feedback coming.

Updates from the departments

  • Research: A busy month for Research: Jean celebrated her birthday, Flora announced a pregnancy, and Dennis has got engaged. The team had a mini-golf evening followed by drinks to celebrate, and good fun was had by all. I have a attached a photo.
  • Libraries: The audit is now in full swing. Diana would like me to remind you that if you need access to any books, you're going to have to request them 48 hours in advance because of this. She will also be distributing lists of books that are currently missing, and will be naming and shaming those she knows are hoarding them, so be warned!
  • Artefact storage: The artefact storage areas will be out of bounds this coming Friday for a reorganisation, so please avoid their floor.
  • Intake & Customer Service: Gary has regained almost full function in both of his legs, and will be looking to return to work over the next few weeks on a part time basis. If you see him around, please do help him with the doors while he's on crutches. The Intake team have also been working hard with Chris to produce a new statement collection form that informs those whose statements we collect what we're doing with their personal data. I'm sure when rolled out this will reassure the terrified members of the public that we are to be trusted with their most terrifying experiences.
  • Archives: if anyone has any information on the whereabouts of Jon, the Archives team would appreciate it if you let them know. In the mean time, please contact Martin Blackwood with anything urgent.
  • IT: the spyware we acquired two weeks ago has finally been removed. Michelle would like to remind everyone not to click on links in their emails promising them bitcoins, medical aid, or immortality.
  • Central & Operations: Sarah J would like to remind everyone again that annual performance reviews are now even more overdue. She will also start naming and shaming if it takes much longer. Chris has been rolling out his data protection training - if you miss a session, please book yourself onto another one.

Well, it looks like June will be another busy month, so I won't keep you. As ever my door is always open.

Kind regards,

Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO

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From: Sonja Jackson
To: Group:ArtefactStorageAll
Date: 05 June, 2017 15:34

Subject: FW: Supplier approval process - Mikaele Salesa

holy shit u guys can you IMAGINE if salesa wasn't dead and we asked him to fill out this form???

i can't breahte


From: Christopher Davies
To: Sonja Jackson
Date: 05 June, 2017 09:32

Subject: Supplier approval process - Mikaele Salesa
Attachments: NewSupplierForm.doc; SupplierApprovalPolicy.pdf

Hi Sonja,

Hope you're well and had a nice weekend!

One of the things we've got to do under GDPR is make sure all of our suppliers - whether that's staplers or artefacts - goes through an approval process so we can make sure we know who they are, they know who we are, and everything is on the level, data protection wise. I've attached our policy, which explains all the 'hows' and the 'whys'.

Going through some of our older documentation I noticed we've bought some things from a Mikaele Salesa over the years. Is he still an active supplier? If so we'll need to get him on the roster officially! Are you the best person to help me? I've attached the form for that, but happy to put a meeting in and talk it through so we can get it all right!

Thanks,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 09 June, 2017 11:07

Subject: AUTOMATED RESPONSE: OUT OF THE OFFICE: RE: Hi again - we really need to talk GDPR :-)

I'm currently out of the office and unavailable to respond to your email. Please contact martinblackwood@magnusinstitute.ac.uk, who will assist you in my absence.

Thanks,
Jon


From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 09 June, 2017 11:06

Subject: Hi again - we really need to talk GDPR :-)
Attachments:

Hi again Jon,

Just touching base again to see if you're back from your leave of absence yet?

Let me know!

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
Jon? are you back? Are you OK??
Are you at the Institute?
I heard you were back.
Are you there?
19:14
hi
19:15
yes. i'm back.
i'll be at work tomorrow
19:24
Are you OK?
19:25
yes. i'm fine.
21:43
Missed call from Martin Blackwood, 21:49
martin can you *not* ask me where i've been? just for today
21:53
Of course I won't, if you don't want me to
21:54
Call with Martin Blackwood: 21:56 (duration: 26 minutes)
Please remember your messages will be monitored in accordance with Institute IT policy and archived in accordance with Institute Archival policy




From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 20 June, 2017 02:47

Subject: RE: General GDPR and Institute continuity and disaster recovery plan

i'm going to china in a couple of days to make sure we don't need a 'disaster recovery plan' and i don't know when i'll be back. you'll have to find someone else.


From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 19 June, 2017 12:36

Subject: General GDPR and Institute continuity and disaster recovery plan
Attachments:

Hi Jon,

I hope you're well! :-)

I've heard on the grapevine that you're back from your leave of absence - although I couldn't find you when I popped downstairs to the Archives earlier. Can you please let me know the best time for us to meet? There's a few things we really need to discuss as a matter of urgency?

  • General intro to GDPR for you
  • I really need to understand from you what the current document storage and retention policies are in the Archives - your assistants mostly try to be helpful, but they don't really seem to know the answers to the most basic of questions about this, and it's very worrying!
  • Working out when we can schedule you in for some proper GDPR training to bring you up to speed with the rest of your department and the Institute
  • Finally, I've been working on a continuity and disaster recovery plan with the other heads of department - if something catastrophic happens (economic collapse, pandemic, etc), we really need to have a policy in place for what the Institute's plan of action will be. Can people work from home and that sort of thing. We've got all departments covered except yours.

Let me know when's best for you!

Thanks,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 23 June, 2017 16:03

Subject: AUTOMATED RESPONSE: OUT OF THE OFFICE: RE: Unauthorised access of someone's personal data

out of the country until at least the end of june. unless your enquiry is apocalyptic i will not be getting back to you ever. if you're still seeing this message in july, please assume i have been kidnapped again, attacked, dismembered, or murdered and inform martinblackwood@magnusinstitute.ac.uk


From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
CC: Elias Bouchard; Sarah Jaspar
Date: 23 June, 2017 16:00

Subject: Unauthorised access of someone's personal data

Hi Jon,

I understand you're currently out of the country, but I've received an extremely concerning report from Antonia Loreta in payroll. She claims you were able to tell her the exact salaries of a number of members of the Institute and recount details from a personal conversation she'd had with her wife the previous day.

I understand that as recently as a few months ago, the Institute was a bit 'fast and loose' with confidentiality and passwords, and that we've yet to have a chance to sit down and really talk through what GDPR and data protection means, but as a head of department, I really need you to be setting an example, and surely even you must realise that knowing and reporting employee salary data isn't acceptable.

Let's talk when you get back.

Kind regards,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
How's China?
13:48
hello martin
working lots
i've not actually seen much china
15:29
I'm *shocked*
Found anything interesting?
15:30
too tired to type it all
i could phone?
15:32
Call with Martin Blackwood: 15:33 (duration: 53 minutes)
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From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 23 June, 2017 16:03

Subject: RE: RE:

they're the right answers though


From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 27 June, 2017 11:43

Subject: RE:
Attachments:

Hi Jon,

I'm sorry, I don't understand??

You haven't even done the data protection training yet?? I haven't even sent you the test??? And you've just attached all the answers???? Without the questions?????

Kind regards,
Chris


From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 27 June, 2017 04:11

Subject:
Attachments: answers.txt

Jonathan Sims
Head Archivist


The Magnus Institute
VIGILO•OPPERIOR•AUDIO




Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
Hi Jon!
How's America?
11:45
You're probably still asleep. Time difference, I keep forgetting.
Little request - your out of office message? The one that's like "I might have been kidnapped or murdered"? Any chance you can change it to something a less... that? Only I've had fourteen complaints. Two internal. Seven from academics at other institutions. Five from the public. Who actually, I'm surprised you're emailing when the intake and customer services lot are probably doing to be nicer about it and I know you hate dealing with them anyway.
Also, going to be honest, I don't love the "dismembered" bit myself.
12:04
I mean, it's not like you're actually going to get kidnapped again, haha
12:23
Jon please message me back
12:29
Missed call from Martin Blackwood, 13:08
Please remember your messages will be monitored in accordance with Institute IT policy and archived in accordance with Institute Archival policy




From: Elias Bouchard
To: Group:InstituteAll
Date: 01 July, 2017 10:59

Subject: June monthly roundup
Attachments: BereavementPolicy.pdf; BereavementCounsellors.pdf; JuneDashboard.pdf

Hello once again,

I am afraid today's update must, of course, acknowledge the tragic passing of Anton George, who worked with us in Artefact Storage for twelve years. He was a deeply loved colleague to many of us - the life and soul of the office on plenty of late nights. His husband has sent his thanks for the card and the flowers, and to see so many of us at the funeral service meant a lot to him. I have attached our policy regarding bereavement leave and the details of some local counsellors. Sarah J also wanted to remind everyone that her door is always open, should you wish for someone to speak to.

The monthly June dashboard is also attached. Unfortunately due to the loss of Anton, we have not hit our targets related to employee safety, incidents within artefact storage, quarantine procedures deployed, and evacuation protocol. I will of course be working with the Artefact Storage team to assist them to meet their KPIs in this difficult time.

Updates from the departments

  • Research: the team's bake sale on June 21st raised £148.70 for cancer research, so well done to their baking talents and to you all for eating and for donating. I hear Briony's blondies were particularly sought after.
  • Libraries: With the audit complete and the new West Library rooms fully refurbished and again open, the librarians have had a busy couple of months and are hoping July will give them an opportunity to catch up on some complex restoration work. They have, however, identified a number of key books still missing, and will be performing a sweep of the entire building (yes, including the Archives) to search for them.
  • Artefact storage: Room 3B is still sealed off and should not be approached unless you have first drunk from the Forgotten Chalice and then filled in form 54-C. Failing to perform these steps will invalidate your Institute life insurance policy should the worst happen.
  • Intake & Customer Service: Fred would like to remind all staff that the viscera in waiting room 2 is entirely illusory and there is no need to continue to report it to him. He is dealing with matters. He would also like to remind staff not to sit members of the public in waiting room 2.
  • Archives: Welcome back to Jon, who's had an eventful couple of months, as you may have surmised from his out of office message. What a comedian our Head Archivist is, everyone! I'm sure he'll be delighted to tell you all about his trips to China and the USA if you catch him for a cup of tea in the break room.
  • IT: Michelle and Chris would like to remind you that all emails sent to and from your work email address are monitored in accordance with our IT policy. We understand that we are all, as you say, human, but if you wish to discuss matters of a personal or explicit nature, it would be best to do so using another medium and on your own time.
  • Central & Operations: Sarah J would like to point out that she is still waiting for annual review documents from both the Archives team and the IT team. Please ensure you book these in with your line reports as soon as possible, as they are vital for the Institute employees' career development.

I wish you all the best in this difficult time.

Kind regards,

Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute


The Magnus Institute
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From: Jonathan Sims
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 07 July, 2017 02:47

Subject: RE: Meeting about GDPR

busy at the moment. try next year if i'm still alive.


From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 04 July, 2017 15:03

Subject: Meeting about GDPR

Hi Jon,

I hear you're back from the US - how was it? I went on holiday to Disney in Florida a couple of years back - had a great time. Were you anywhere near there?

I understand you should be back in the office for a bit now? When's a good time to have a meeting? There's a number of outstanding matters we really need to discuss. It's not enough to just do the test - your entire department needs organising to bring into line with the legislation and the Institute policy! I just need to pick your brain about a few key things and then I can go away and do most of the work and you'll just need to read a few documents and sign a few things off.

When works for you?

Thanks,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
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Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
Jon? Are you about?
Chris is looking for you
17:22
Jon are you ok??
Only I didn't think you'd left yet and your stuff is still there
But you're not replying to your messages
Maybe you forgot your phone?
Let me know if you're ok
17:30
i'm fine martin
it's not another kidnapping
17:34
Then where *are* you??
17:35
i just wanted to stretch my legs a bit
17:36
You used your spooky psychic powers and saw Chris Davies was looking for you to talk about Data Protection and you ran away and hid from him, didn't you?
17:39
i merely decided it was time for a stroll. it's bad for your back to sit down all day, martin. spinal problems are incredibly common amongst office workers, as the human back isn't designed for extended periods of sitting, even in the most ergonomically designed of chairs. that isn't even to go into problems like RSI, and eye issues from extended screen use
the nhs recommends taking breaks from sitting at least every half an hour
it was only a few days ago you were telling me about the importance of self care and getting away from my desk, so here i am, doing exactly that, and suddenly i'm facing these unfounded accusations
i'm making tea do you want some
?
17:43
Don't think I don't see exactly what you're doing!
But also yes please. Peppermint.
17:47
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From: Christopher Davies
To: Jonathan Sims
CC: Elias Bouchard
Date: 10 July, 2017 14:02

Subject: Getting a meeting in

Hi Jon,

I hope you're well.

I know things are very busy down in the Archives, but I'm having real trouble getting hold of you. Whenever I come looking, you seem to be out of the office, unavailable, or in a meeting. Your assistants are always helpful and polite, but never to the point of being able to tell me where you actually are. I also don't particularly appreciate the whole "kidnapping" thing, nor the "apocalypse" jokes. Once is a funny enough reason to skip a meeting, but for multiple meetings it's a bit much.

I completely understand that data protection is not going to be everyone's passion project the way it is mine, but you must understand this isn't an optional requirement. In less than a year we will be facing a brand new, complex set of laws that will entirely upend the world as we know it. We can't just go on living the way we have, assuming everything will just carry on as normal.

Can you please tell me when is convenient for you to meet with me? We can keep the initial chat to under an hour, I promise.

Kind regards,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
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From: Sarah Jaspar
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 12 July, 2017 18:44

Subject: Reviews and other

Jon,

I have been in HR for twenty-six years. I know when I am being avoided. I have a number of matters to speak to you about, and while I would rather have the meeting face to face, apparently you would not.

Firstly, I don't care how unfireable you apparently are or how busy you've been: do your damn end of year reviews. We've given you a three month extension due to genuine extenuating circumstances, but at this point, this isn't about you. This is about your assistants, who deserve a modicum of your time and respect for the difficult job that they do and all the hard work they put in. Sort it out for their sakes, if not for your own. You might not give a crap about them, but you could at least pretend.

Secondly, stop listening in on people's confidential conversations and/or thoughts. I neither know nor care if you have accidentally come into contact with one of our artefacts, or if you're simply a very skilled hacker/peeping tom. The how is irrelevant from a HR point of view. (Although I should add if it is the former you must speak to Artefact Storage immediately.) The fact that you do it at all is creepy and inappropriate. I cannot believe I have to explain this to a man in his thirties. I might not be able to fire you, but so help me God I will figure something out if you don't sort your shit out.

Thirdly, have a damn meeting with Chris. He is just trying to do his job. Again: modicum of respect. You don't have to love it, but it's your job.

Fourthly, if you would like to discuss the contents of this email, my door is open. If you would like to complain about it to Elias, be my guest.


Sarah Jaspar
Head of HR


The Magnus Institute
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Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
martin
i'm sorry but i've just found this thing i need to read
can we delay your review until tomorrow??
17:17
Tomorrow is Sunday, Jon
17:18
that would make today saturday?
17:18
Yes
17:18
why are you in the office on a saturday??
it's not because i put your review in is it???
17:19
No, Jon, you only put that in this morning when you realised we were both here
I found some old statements that looked... 'Strange', I suppose, and I didn't get around to them yesterday, so I came in.
17:21
Look, about the review: I don't mind if we do what we normally do and just write the document without having the meeting. That'll get HR off your back and we can get on with this Unknowing stuff.
17:24
look, give me half an hour with this statement and then we can grab a bit of lunch and do it then
17:26
Jon, it's half past five in the evening.
Have you eaten today?
17:28
how about two more hours of work and then we get dinner? and do it then?
if it's a meeting, institute's paying
17:33
Three conditions
1) 1.5 more hours of work, not 2
2) I will literally come in there, turn off the power, and physically carry you out if you try and delay it any longer
3) The Institute is buying me a beer as well as dinner
17:40
done, done, and done
two beers, even
actually, since we've been working all day saturday, the institute'll buy us a bottle of wine if you fancy?
17:45
Really?
17:51
what are they gonna do? fire us?
17:52
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From: Jonathan Sims
To: Sarah Jaspar
CC: Elias Bouchard
Date: 17 July, 2017 22:07

Subject: archives team annual reviews
Attachments: basira.docx; martin.docx; melanie.docx; tim.docx

Sarah,

Review documents for my team attached. To summarise:

  • Basira: has adjusted well to being bound to a life of horror, and is making the most of her new job to catch up on her reading. For her development objectives, I supplied a recommended reading list. I strongly recommend a pay rise.
  • Martin: continues to go above and beyond. I strongly recommend a pay rise and a bonus given the hours he's been working (weekends too).
  • Melanie: for some reason finds having her freedom stolen to be an irritant. For her development goals I hope she will continue to not murder anyone. I strongly recommend a pay rise.
  • Tim: as you know, we met with a member of HR as a mediator and I gave Tim a book on esoteric unbinding rituals to help him with his development goal of resigning. I strongly recommend a pay rise.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions.

Jonathan Sims
Head Archivist


The Magnus Institute
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From: p_lukas@yahoo.co.uk
To: Christopher Davies
Date: 21 July, 2017 08:01

Subject: Right to be forgotten
Attachments: info.pdf

Dear Mr Davies,

I understand you are the Data Protection Officer at the Magnus Institute.

I would like to exercise my 'Right to be forgotten' under the law. I believe the Institute has far too much information about me.

I have attached information concerning my credentials to verify my request is genuine.

Kind regards,
Peter Lukas




From: Christopher Davies
To: Elias Bouchard; Group:DepartmentHeads
Date: 21 July, 2017 13:14

Subject: RIGHT TO BE FORGOTTEN: Peter Lukas
Attachments: RightToBeForgottenInfo.pdf

Hi everyone,

The moment I'm sure you've all been waiting for has come: we've had our very first right to be forgotten request. This means we have to obtain every single piece of personal data we hold about Peter Lukas, and then we need to make a decision as to whether we have a right to keep it, or whether we must 'forget' that information - that is, delete it from our systems entirely. Obviously there is certain information we're entitled to keep, and we should keep, even - so make sure your departments don't just go burning all their files.

For now, can you please make sure all the information you have related to Peter Lukas finds its way to my office by next Friday? If you're delegating this, let me know who to speak to.

Thanks,

Chris Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
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Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
martin are you here
21:38
Jon, it's half past nine on a Friday night
21:38
Where else would I be?
21:41
is that meant to be a joke?
21:42
It's either laugh or cry
You're still here too, anyway.
21:44
obviously
you busy?
21:45
No, Jon, I'm at the office at half nine on a Friday for the sheer joy of it
Every time I go home I think to myself, "you know, i really wish I was in the office right now"
21:48
good
i need your help
21:49
What?
21:50
do you know who peter lukas is?
21:51
Yes - Captain of the Tundra, donor to the Institute, inspirer of a statement or two
I met him the other week, while you were in the US
21:52
wait
met him?????
21:52
He just showed up and said hello
He asked how Elias was as a boss
21:53
i assume you said ******* awful
i can't believe IT finally implemented that swear filter
it's not like i swear that much i just want the *option*
21:54
anyway, the point is, peter lukas has made a "data protection" request
i assume maybe just to test us??
or maybe he really does want to be "forgotten"
but chris has requested lukas's files
and i could use a hand providing them for him
21:58
I am deeply, incredibly suspicious of your helpfulness in this matter
22:00
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From: Christopher Davies
To: Elias Bouchard
CC: Sarah Jaspar
Date: 24 July, 2017 12:04

Subject: Resignation
Attachments: resignation.docx

Elias,

I came into work this morning after a weekend during which I had logged on both days crafting a new privacy policy document for the institute (which is literally impossible to do with all of your stipulations and exceptions!!!) to find my office was entirely filled with twenty four crates of document relating to the Lukas family, their holdings, their donations, their dealings with the institute and their statements. These were somehow from the Archives, from the Library, from Finance, Payroll, and even from Artefact Storage... and as far as I understand the culprit (and believe me I know who it is!!!!) should not have had access to most of those places.

I have warned you, and Sarah, time and time again that the behaviour of your senior members of staff who go undisciplined and unrepentant will lead this institute into gravest trouble with the ICO, and I'm afraid for my own mental health I can no longer be a part of it. I have attached my resignation letter. Since I am still on a probationary contract, my notice period is a week. I will be working this week from home.

Kind regards,

Christopher Davies
Data Protection Officer


The Magnus Institute
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Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
Was that... mean of us?
19:48
martin, how long do you think he'd have lasted on a permanent contract?
or how long until elias got fed up of ignoring his emails and dealt with him his own way?
19:51
Yeah. Suppose so.
This place.
19:52
yeah
19:52
I'm ordering some Wagamamas on your Institute card by the way. What did you want?
19:54
oh, i am hungry. i hadn't noticed
that prawn curry - you know, the one i like?
the institute will also pay for dessert + beer if you're feeling it?
19:57
thanks martin
20:01
I'll take a look at the menu and see :)
20:03
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From: Elias Bouchard
To: Jonathan Sims
Date: 25 July, 2017 10:32

Subject: Team compensation

Jon,

Whilst we cannot possibly provide a pay increase for every member of the team despite a managerial recommendation, in recognition of all the hard work Martin has put in recently, particularly after hours, we will be paying him a discretionary bonus of £1000 in his June paycheque. Please inform him and give him my personal thanks, as well as your own.

Please note that Institute credit cards should not be used for alcoholic beverages without prior approval from your line manager (which in your case is myself).

Kind regards,

Elias Bouchard
Head of the Magnus Institute


The Magnus Institute
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Magnus Institute Instant Messenger - Jonathan Sims
Conversation history with Martin Blackwood
do you want the good news or the bad news?
10:34
Good news, I guess?
10:36
statement of elias bouchard: "in recognition of all the hard work Martin has put in recently, particularly after hours"
you're getting a bonus this month. £1000.
10:37
what?
10:37
look, i asked for it because you've been here all day every day
so thanks. from me.
10:39
Oh. Thanks.
10:40
occasionally i remember what managers are supposed to do
but anyway
that's why i asked
elias's idea of "hard work" "after hours" is because you helped me make the data protection officer quit
he didn't say but i know it was
10:42
Well. Money is money I suppose.
Thanks, though, Jon. You, I mean, not him.
10:45
well i'm glad you said that
because the bad news is that elias has told me not to use the institute card for alcohol any more so we might need to buy ourselves the beers for a bit
10:53
And you're just going to do what he says?
What's he going to do? Fire you?
10:55
martin blackwood, you are a bad influence!
10:56
Can't imagine where I learned that from, can you?
10:57
all right, yes, drinks are still on elias tonight
10:57
or whenever we're next working late i mean
i didn't mean to assume it was tonight
i'll probably be here
but you might have plans
to go home or somewhere else
11:04
I was thinking we haven't tried that Indian place round the corner yet?
If you liked?
11:11
sounds good
let me know when you get hungry :)
11:11
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